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About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 17, 1915)
kGELETT purges 5
1LLID1KA1 LU 6yH WAL
Hall Bonlstelle, artist-photographer,
prepares (or the day's work In hla atudio.
CHAPTER I Continued.
Hall laughed Jeeriagly. "Can't he!
You don't know Uncle John! He was
the most unmitigated bore that ever
breathed. Talk about cranks! He
never did approve ot me too 'artis
tic.' And I was fool enough to try to
be Independent. Result, I have to take
photographs for a living. Why, Flodle,
he's just as likely to have left ms a
dime with a hole In It, and let it go at
Flodle sighed In sympathy, and : ise.
"Well, those bills must be paid in any
case! And there's just seventy-seven
cents in the cash box!"
"Good Lord, Is it as bad as that?
Well, we'll have to collect a few bills
in a hurry." Hall appeared to dismiss
But Flodle was not to be dismissed.
Well she knew his procrastination.
"They're all collected, Mr. Bonlstelle!"
she protested; "every last one! You
can trust me to attend to that! And
l ve nad to sit up and beg like a
French poodle, too!"
Hall, walking back and forth,
seemed not to be listening, but sudden
ly ne turned to bis assistant with a
queer expression.' He walked up to
her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"See here, Flodle, have you taken
out your salary regularly every week?
Now, don't you try to fib!"
Flodle tried to pull away but it was
too delicious. "Oh, I don't know," she
mumbled. "Not for two or three weeks,
perhaps. That's all right." Now it
was she who caught hold of his arm
"But I wanted to tell you something
Mr. Bonlstelle if you wouldn't mind
if you just let me'
"What?" he demanded suspiciously.
"Oh, only If you'd be willing real
ly I'd like to, you know you know
I've saved up a little money, Mr. Bonl
stelle and, well, it might help you
temporarily till you could"
Han threatened her with savage
playfulness. "Flodie Fisher," he said
determinedly, "if you ever dare to
mention such a thing to me again,
111 I'll discharge you!" He took
turn up and down the room as Bhe
waited, watching him. "By jove, i
does look as If I'd have to go to work!
Then he turned to her gloomily. "Well,
anything else for this afternoon?"
"No," said Flodle, "but you have to
develop and print, you know. There's
lots of work for you in the dark room.
And then, we've got to gat ready for
that expensive old party."
Hall scratched his head. "Heavens,
I'd forgotten all about it."
"Of course you have, but I haven't
rve attended to everything: Music,
caterer and decorations furious old
nonsense It was too. I don't see how
you can afford it, Mr. Bonlstelle. Real
ly I don't!" Flodie was very stern,
"It's business, Flodie keeps the
women curious. Makes 'em talk! Oh,
well," Hall tossed it off his mind
we ll get along somehow. Well, run
along, Flo, now; I suppose I've got to
get ready to preside at this altar of
vanity. Good Lord! How I dread it
Flo, I honestly believe a photographer
knows more of the actual truth about
women than a doctor or a priest
Flodie gave him an indulgent smile.
"Mr. iionistene, i want to tell you
something. All three of them put to
gether know mighty little!" So say
ing, she gave him a prim curtsy and
retired to the office.
Hall laughed and then stood thought
ful for a few moments, smoking airily,
blowing rings. Then he took off his
dressing gown, put on his coat, and
had turned to his camera when Flodie
"There's a desperate old flirt out
there to see you, Mr. Bonlstelle Mr.
"Doremus?" Hall searched his mem
ory. "What does he look like a bill
"No, he's Just a nice old man with
a side-whisker effect, trimmed with
gold chain, in scallops, and he stares
at you over the top of his glasses."
Hall sighed. "Well, have him in,
I'll settle him!"
Mr. Doremus, grave and precise,
- looked about for a chair, and sat down
deliberately. He searched in the in
side pocket of his frock coat as he
said pompously: "H'm. I took the
first opportunity to communicate with
you, Mr. Bonlstelle. Unluckily, how
ever, I could not get you on the tele
phone this morning." Still his hand
groped in his pocket, like a dog at
"No?" Hall remarked impatiently,
"I suppose I wasn't up."
Doremus brought forth a long en
velope. Solemnly he spoke, looking
over the tops of the rubber bows
"Mr. Bonlstelle, I have the honor of
being the attorney for the estate of
your uncle, the late John Beasley
A mental thunderbolt struck th'
room, and Hall, shocked and fright
GOOD AND SUFFICIENT REASON
Fair Co-ed's Explanation of Caller'
Late Stay Seemed Eminently
The telephone rang, and the voice
tt an Ohio State university "co-ed"
said, "Hello! Do you know who is
"Of course," was the reply. "I
recognize the charming qualities of
"Huh!" she said.
ened, could only gasp. "Er is there
any news about the will, Mr. Doremus?
Here, have a cigar!"
Doremus looked up and nodded
gravely. "Yes, the will has been found,
Mr. Bonistelle, at last!" He tapped
the paper In his hand. "It was discov
ered this morning at eight twenty
seven o'clock. You see I have been
Hall restrained an overwhelming
curiosity. "Where did you find it?" he
"Ah, curious. Most curious. An ec
centric man, your uncle, Mr. Boni
stelle. It was found in his library. In
fact, if you will believe me, between
the leaves of his own book I mean, of
course, the one he wrote himself
Race Suicide and How to Prevent It,'
believe it is called. I have not yet
had the pleasure of reading It."
Mr. Doremus stopped, and gave the
young man a steady inspection. I
understand that you will be twenty-
eight upon the fourth ot May, Mr.
Bonistelle. Am I correct?"
"Yes. Tomorrow. Why?"
Mr. Doremus solemnly held up his
hand. "Wait!" he commanded. "Let
me, before I go through the whole
document, read this one clause."
Flodie, peeping through the door,
was breathlessly listening. Hall was
Ep here it is." Mr. Doremus pro
ceeded to read soberly. " 'The residue
of my estate I leave to my beloved
nephew, Hall Cutler Bonistelle, on con
dition that he is married before he
reaches the age of twenty-eight
Oh, I knew It! Well, It's all up
then just my luck!"
"Tf, however, at the beginning of
his twenty-eighth birthday he is still
unmarried, this residue shall be the
property of my beloved cousin, Jonas
Hassingbury, as a testimony to our
youthful friendship,'" Mr. Doremus
Hall was scowling. "Let's see it!"
he demanded, and he took the instru
ment, and read the clause over to him
self, while Mr. Doremus' eyes drifted
slowly about the apartment. "How
"I Took the First Opportunity to Com
municate With You."
much will the residuary legatee re
ceive?" Hall asked weakly.
"Oh, upward of four millions, I ex
Feet," said Mr. Doremus with unction.
"And I lose all that, Just because I'm
a single man!" Hall dropped, limp
and gloomy, into a chair.
Mr. Doremus bowed soberly. "Your
uncle held strong views, Mr. Boni
stello. He firmly believed in marriage,
He thought it a duty. He maintained
high Ideals for the future of the race."
"Oh, tor heaven's sake!" cried Hall,
"I know all about that. Didn't Uncle
John talk me to death on the subject?
Why didn't he get married himself?"
"An unfortunate love-affair, I un
derstand, prevented his putting his
own theories into practice," said Dore
mus. "I think mind, I do not say so
positively but it is possible that, had
you knowing, you understand, his pe
culiar theories "
"Acted accordingly?" said Hall
"Married on the chance of becoming
his heir? Bright Idea! But It's too late
"It is, as you say, too late, practical
ly, I presume," Mr. Doremus remarked
"but, legally, I must remind you that
the time has not yet expired. You
have until midnight, you understand,
in which to qualify for the Inheritance,
Much has been done in fourteen hours,
'Fourteen hours!" Hall repeated
"Why, fourteen days would be little
enough time. You can't put a thing
like marriage through on a time sched
ule, you know, can you?'
"I confess I do not know," said Mr,
Hall sat In a brown study, regarding
his boots, as Mr. Doremus prepared to
leave. Flodie, her eyes bright with
"Have you a good story for today?"
"What will I get If I give you a
"If it is a good one, you will get
your name in print."
"Huh!" she again eloquently re
marked. "Talking?" asked central, breaking
"Of course I am talking," said the
"co-ed," and then the continued to
the reporter: "The story is about a
young man who took me to a picture
show. When we returned he stayed
excitement, tiptoed back Into the of
fice. Mr, Doremus deposited the paper
upon the table. "Well, I shall leave
you this copy to Inspect at your
leisure. You may not be aware that I
am a Justice of the peace, Mr, Boni
stelle. I shall be quite willing to ac
commodate you, should you find a
bride. I think I could perform as cred
itable a ceremony as any clergyman
at half price I" He chuckled at the
Hall, in no mood for Jests, rose and
followed him. "Where's Cousin Jonas
Mr. Hassingbury T' he asked. "Lord,
he ought to be a happy man, about
Mr. Doremus paused. "I took the
first opportunity of telegraphing to
Mr. Hassingbury," he said, "informing
him of the provisions ot J. B. Boni
stelle's will. I requested bis immedi
ate appearance in town, and I hare no
doubt that he will arrive here some
time during the day."
"Think of that old hyppcrlte getting
all that money!" Hall exclaimed.
"Lord it makes me ill he'll be a thou
sand times more disgusting than ever,
with his religious bosh and his charity
Mr. Doremus lifted an eloquent fin
ger. "As an executor, you understand
I must preserve an attitude ot strict
impartiality," he admonished. "At the
same time, n my private capacity, I
confess that I am on the side ot youth.
Four millions ah, one could indulge
one'B youthful dreams!" He shook
his head sentimentally. "Si la Jeu
nesse savait, si la vielllesse pouvait!"
Hall watched him, half-amused.
"Say, Doremus, you're all right!" Mr.
Doremus was looking over his shoul
der to get a glimpse of Flodie. Hall
had an idea. "I say," he suggested,
'why not come around here tonight.
and we'll have a wake over my lost in
heritance. I'm giving a small party,
you know, Just a few ot my clients,
and an actress or two "
Well, well! It might remind me of
old times." Mr. Doremus offered his
hand. "I think I shall come. It may
renew my youth. Ah, Mr. Bonlstelle,
you might not believe it, but I've wait
ed at the stage door myself, in my
I'll bet you have, old sport! and got
away with it, too," said Hall, laugh
ing. "Come along, then, I'll set them
But meanwhile, don't forget that I'm
a justice of the peace!" Mr. Doremus
gave Hall a poke in the ribs, grinned,
bowed and went out, with a youngish
smile at Flodie as he flourished
through the office.
No sooner was the door shut than
Hall Bonlstelle exploded. "Well, Flo
die, it's all up! It's back to the farm
for mine! Isn't that just my luck?"
A lively hope had blossomed in Flo-
die's heart. She was pale and trepid.
"I couldn't quite hear," she answered,
dissembling; "what was it?"
"Four and a half million dollars
gone to the devil Just by a fluke
that's all! By jove, it's an outrage!"
Flodie Btood twisting her hands
nervously. "You don't mean you're
going to let that" Flodie stopped
Just in time; her mind had run away
with her lips. "Oh, Mr. Bonlstelle, I
mean you don't mean that mean old
Jonas Hassingbury'B going to get that
Yes, confound him! The psalm-
singing, holier-than-thou old hypo
crite! Four millions, Flodle! Think
of it! Good Lord, isn't it ferocious?
And If that will had only been found
when Uncle John died but Lord,
what's the use of talking." He walked
doggedly back into the studio, and
gave a vicious swing to his camera,
Flodle Fisher followed him in, then
stood looking at him pensively. She
spoke slowly, softly, deliberately,
"Why don't you go ahead and get the
money, Mr. Bonistelle?"
"Get the money? How?"
"Why, get married!" Flodle turned
suddenly crimson. "
"Why, who In the world would have
Flodle swallowed down a lump In
her throat "Oh," she said, "I'm sure
there's some nice girl who'd be so
proud to marry you. Mr. Bonistelle!
"Well, I don't know how I'm to
find her and I've got deuced little
time to look. Why, do you realize
that I've only got till midnight to do
the whole thing in?" He went up to
her. "And do you imagine that any
woman would want to be married in
"Oh, when you're in love, it doesn't
matter how soon "
"A huri ne wooing, eh? By Jove,
I wonder " He stared at her with a
new light In his eyes. "Say, you real
ly think I could get away with It?
Why, I never "
"Oh, you could do anything, Mr.
Bonistelle. I'm certain you could
"Do you know of any woman who'd
have me that quick?"
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
-i i i i z?tr
' I I I I X. WW
' 1 ,''v.r-.".v:.-.v.:iw
HE entrance of Italy Into the I
European war and the gains she
has made thus far on some of
the Alpine roads connecting her
with the Austrian Tyrol brings
into prominent Interest one ot the high
est and most popular of all the Alpine
post roads the Stelvio.
Although this road may not possess
the strategic value of some of the
other highways of the Alps of which
the Italians early in the fighting se
cured control, to hold and fortify this,
one ot the best built roads an) the
highest between Austria and Italy, has
long been Italy's ambition, for the rea
son that it would give her a dominat
ing power over a most convenient
route to Landeck and Innsbruck, as
well as a clutch on the upper reaches
ot the valley of the Adlge, west ot
Her engineers foresaw that the al
most perfect construction of the Stel
vio, with its eaBy grades and excellent
roadbed, would enable Italy, once the
master of this highway, to rush great
quantities ot troops and mountain ar
tillery into the extreme western part
of the Tyrol, where the natural possi
bilities for intrenchment are such that
it might be hard for the Austrian
troops to dislodge her.
The military experts of Austria
were not behind Italy in placing a
high value on the road and it has long
been Austria's determination to hold
it at all hazards.
The Stelvio road called by the Ger
mans the "Stllfserjochstrasse" 1b fa
miliar to many American tourists who
have motored over it In traveling from
Botzen and Meran, in the Austrian
The city of Turin is occupied with
the task of reorganizing the public
lighting on a modern basis, and not
less than $400,000 will be employed
for this purpose, the work to be car
ried out from 1914 to 1916. According
to the plans, arc lamps will be usel
in all the main streets and avenues,
also the public squares, while smaller
streets are to be lighted by Incandes
cent lamps. Flaming arcs In closed
globes will be used. About 3,000 lamps
of 2,000 candle1 power each will be
installed. In some places, incandescent
lamps are used, some being ot the
5,000 candle power type, and the rest
of 100 or 200 candle power. These are
much better than the present gas
lamps, which give only 50 candle pow
er. Current for the whole system
comes from the municipal electric sta
tion. Indianapolis News.
so late that my mother had to eall
from the top of the stairs and tell
him it was nearly twelve o'clock.
"That is interesting," said the re
porter, "but it Is hardly worth giving
to the public. It seems to lack
"But I haven't come to the point,
and I can't come to it unless you
ask me for the reason for hli late
"Well, what was the reason?" th
"I am," she replied.
OUTLINE OF A PORCH SWING
sprinkling of Austrian and Italian offi
cers in gorgeous uniforms giving the
necessary bit of color.
Where Three Countrle Touch.
, The top of the pass la a bleak and
gloomy place at best, no vegetation at
all, nothing but a desolate mass ot
rock, with snow fields and glaciers
stretching down from the mountain
peaks on all sides and Intensely cold,
even in the middle of July and August,
after sundown. The pass itself marks
almost the exact meeting place ot the
boundary lines of Austria, Italy and
Switzerland. A crude boundary post
surmounted by a stone Blab with ar
rows cut in it, pointing to the three
countries, has been erected a short
distance above the hotel. This spot
known to the Germans as the "Drei
sprachenspttze" the Point of Three
Tongues is a favorite pilgrimage for
all tourists, some of whom try to strad
dle this stone slab that they may boast
of having stood in three countries at
one time. 1
At a point just . below the top ot
the Stelvio a severe looking stone
building is found. This Is the hospice ot
Santa Maria, or Quarta Contoniera
the fourth refuge station. "Refuge"
or relief stations of this type are found
scattered along all of these high roads
ot the Alps at convenient distances,
usually about four or five miles apart.
They are occupied by caretakers whose
business it is to give relief and assist
ance to travelers caught in the severe
storms of the early spring and winter
Adjoining this refuge station to the
west is the Italian customhouse, and
a short distance beyond this building
Rail Is Arranged at Top to Enclose
Persons Who Are Sitting In It
How it Is Made.
The seat of the swing "insists of a
board, 30 inches long, 14 inches wide,
and one Inch thick, with holes bored
In each corner fr-r the ropes. The rail
at the top Is made ot four oak pieces,
two of them 30 inches long, for the
sides, and the other two 18 Inches
long, for the ends; all three Inches
wide and tnch thick. The ends ot
these pieces are finished rounding,
and holes are bored In them for the
supporting ropes. The supports for,
the rails consist of four pieces of
-inch pipe, 15 inches long. The ropes
Looking Down m Stelvio
Tyrol, or from the Bavarian Tyrol,
via Innsbruck and Landeck, to the
Italian lakeB, as it presents a very
accessible and picturesque route from
either of those tourist centers to Lake
Garda or Lake Como.
"Highest Street In Europe."
The road ascends from the Austrian
Bide of the great chain ot mountains
dividing that country from Italy,
through the beautiful valley of Trafol
and then by an amazing series ot zig
zag turns or loops in the road a really
marvelous example of roadbulldlng
and engineering brings the traveler
up over four thousand feet in eight
miles and a half, at a very easy and
comfortable grade. At the top, or the
pass" itself for where these roads
cross the crest of the mountain thiB
point is called the "pass" it reaches
the remarkable altitude ot 9,055 feet
above the sea, making it the highest
carriage road on the continent, or, as
a German tourist has aptly put it,
"the highest street in Europe!"
Ot all the poBt roads of the Alps
the Stelvio has always been the most
popular among tourists during the
summer months Almost any noon
day from the middle of June until the
first of September one would find clus
tered around a barnlike hotel at the
top of the pass called the "Hotel Fer
dinandshoehe" a vast collection of ev
ery conceivable kind of vehicle from
the most expensive motor car to the
lumbering old but picturesque moun
tain diligence, as well as innumerable
"einspanner" and "dreiBpanner," the
comfortable little one and two horse
victorias so much in evidence on ev
ery Alpine road. Clustered in the
none too spacious dining hall ot this
hotel one would find an equally odd
assortment of tourists from every part
of the globe, chattering In every known
language, making a veritable babel
ot tongues, with here and there an
occasional titled personage accompa
nied by a retinue of servants, adding
a little luster to the gathering, and a
The Lantern In the East
Everybody knows that the Chinese
and Japanese are the great lantern
makers. In fact, a lantern seems to
be an essential adjunct to a China
man, and there Is a story told of a
night attack on a Chinese fort by the
English, when every Chinaman took to
hla heels and mounted the bill behind
with all speed. But every man carried
his lighted lantern slung over his
shoulder, and so formed the best ot
target tor the enemy.
Many nations ot the East, besides
those more closely connected with
Scriptural history, and notably the
Chinese and Japanese, carry a lantern
at the end ot a stick. Philadelphia
A Porch Swing.
are run through the holes in the ends
ot the rails, down through the pipes
and through the holes in the seat
board, where they are knotted.
A rope tied to a convenient post or
screw hook makes a handy way to
give motion by pulling, writes Ward
M. Wills of Bakersfleld, Cal., in Popu
lar Mechanics. To get Into the swing,
raise one of the side rails on the
METHOD USED BY BOY SCOUTS
Employ Far More Efficient Plan of
Artificial Respiration Than the
the road becomes a Y, the left branch
turning abruptly and leading down to,
Bormlo In Italy, while the right branch,
turning to the north, crosses the crest
oi tne mountains ny tne umDrau rasa
and following soft rolling hills ot the
valley of Muranza carries the traveler.
by the new road, the Wormser Pass,
down to the Munster-Thal, In Switzer
Zigzag Road on Austrian Side.
Standing at the top ot the pass and
looking back toward the Austrian side
one sees the curious zigzags or loopB
in the road, twisting down the sloping
side of the valley to the left as
some giant painter had taken an Im
mense whitewash brush and drawn an
irregular streak down the side ot the
mountain. This is the most difficult
part ot the pass. Mount Ortler, the
dominating peak of the mountain range
surrounding the Stelvio, rises In ma
jestic dignity at the right Bide of the
road to a height ot almoBt 13,000 feet
The Stelvio is rarely open for traffic
much before the middle of June in
any year, as the snow clings affec
tionately to all of these post roads of
the Alps until well into the late spring.
Particularly Is this the case with the
Stelvio. A late or severe winter keeps
the upper reaches of this road blocked
to ail carriage traffic up to the end of
June. Perhaps the Italians had this
in mind when they held back their de
claration of war against Austria until
the latter part of May. Although the
Alpine regiments of the Italian army
are noted for their prowess and clever
ness in "snow work," this kind of sur
face does not Invite the eaBy transit of
The competent Boy Scout can give
the average bystander practical
demonstration In the resuscitation of
the apparently drowned these days.
And he doesn't subject the victim to
the risk of dislocated arms or frac
tured ribs in the effort either, for the
Boy Scout is taught a simpler, more
easily applied and far more efficient
method of artificial respiration than
the old-fashioned practice of working
the subject's arms and pressing on
Of course, a pulmotor would be a
fine thing to use tf one were at hand,
but meanwhile every one should know
and be ready In an emergency to ap
ply the method of artificial respira
tion used by Boy Scouts, writes Wil
liam Brady, M. D., in Chicago News,
It is performed as follows;
Place the subject prone on the
ground or on any flat surface that
1b to say, "on his stomach" with the
palms of his hands on the ground be
side his head and his face turned to
the right or left. Now kneel beside or
astride his hips and press directly
downward upon the lower ribs above
the small of the back, by simply rock
ing the weight of your body forward
on your rigid arms. This movement
forces air (and water if there be any)
out of the subject's chest. The next
movement is still easier simply re
lease your pressure and lean back nnd
wait a few soconds; the natural elas
ticity of the chest will then cause suf
ficient rebound or expansion to draw
in fresh air.
Repeat this maneuver at the rate ot
eighteen or less times per minute by
the watch, and you may be sure that
no other known means, unless tt be
the pulmotor machine, will otter the
drowned person such good chances of
recovery. Never give up your efforts
within half an hour, no matter how
hopeless the case may seem.
SNOWBALL WINS NINA KITTEN.
Snowball, Puff and Kit were dozing
Ip the sun that la, Kit and Snowball
were. Every once In a while Puff
would open one eye and look at Kit
and Snowball to see If they were
By and by he crept very carefully
out of the barn and went down the
road. Snowball opened his eyes Just
in time to see him go through the gate
way. "Where is Puff going?" he asked
Kit "I have noticed lately that be
runs down the road very often and
he does not ask either of us to go
Kit licked his paws before be an
swered, and then be looked at Snow
ball. "With your knowledge of the
world," he said, "I should think you
would know where he goes, and why.
He Is In love. Have you not noticed
how he sits around and dreams? He
never runs about with us any more."
"Yes," said Snowball. "I have no
ticed that, but I thought It was be
cause he was so tired; he is out so
late at night hunting rats."
"Rats," said Kit; "he isn't hunting
rats; he Is out walking with Gray
Tabble's daughter, Nina. They sit on
the fence and talk and look at the
moon all night That is the reason
be sleeps so much days."
"You do not tell me!" said Snow-j
Dan. "i never tnougnt ot a love af
fair. Well, Nina is a very sleek-looking
kitten," be said; "very sleek, indeed."
It was some time after Snowball
learned of Puff's love affair that be
was walking down the road one after
noon and heard a dog barking. The
dog was dancing around a tree and
seemed to be barking at something in
the tree. On the fence sat Nina Kit
ten with her back humped up and
looking very fierce, but the dog did
not look at her.
Snowball hurried to the tree, for he
half suspected what had happened,
and there sat Puff on a limb looking
very much frightened. Snowball flew
at the dog and drove him away, for all
the dogs In the neighborhood stood In
fear ot him. Then he jumped to the
fence beside Nina Kitten.
"Miss Nina," he said, very sweetly,
"come with me; I'll see you safely
Nina Kitten hung her head and
looked very shy. Then she smiled and
Bald: "Oh, thank you so much, Mr.
Snowball! I was so frightened."
Snowball helped her to the ground
and then he said: "It Is such a lovely
day, don't you think we might hunt
tor catnip? I can assure you that no
dog will molest you while I am here."
Nina Kitten said she should feel
quite safer anywhere with Snowball,
and oft they walked leaving poor Putt
On Way Out
The only way to beat your wife In
an argument is to avoid having the
The Only Way.
Most of us think of the smart retort
about ten minutes too late. The spare,
apple-faced gentleman In the tube that
was bearing Its clerkly freight to the
city was not one ot these. When the
train pulled up with a jerk and a hu
man avalanche fell Into the compart
ment be rose with sou difficulty and
Dally Optimistic Thought
It Is madness to live In penury that
you may die rich.
offered his seat to a lady. "Oh, thank
you so much," she gushed. "So good
of you to give me your seat, but I don't
like you to stand up." The gentleman
replied with a suspicion ot heightened
color on his apple-cheek, "Madam, I
should like to oblige you In both re
spects, but what would people say it
you were to sit on my lap!" London
City' Eight Pension Funds.
New York city has eight pension
funds. Tbey are the public school
teachers' retirement fund, the police
pension fund, the fire department re
lief fund, the department of bealtb
fund, the College of the City of New
York fund, the supreme court appellate
division fund, the street cleaning de
partment fund, and the city of New
York employees' retirement fund.
Uncle Eben's Philosophy,
"De man dat sells de dice," said
Uncle Eben, "Is de only one dal
makes sure money out'n a crap game."
Tb man who takes blmself too se
riously soon becomes a Joke,
AMUSING PAPER DOLL PARTY
Morning's Occupation for Youngster
and One Whloh Will Keep Her
Out of Mischief.
'A Paper Doll Party" Is a morning's
occupation for the youngster, and one
which will delight her. There are sev
eral duties on her part that this func
tion calls forth. First, the Invitations
must be written and dispatched to the
various dolls. Second, the refresh
ments have to be drawn, colored and
cut out. This Includes plates, spoons,
dishes of fruit, cake, candy and Ice
cream, and a souvenir for each doll.
Third, the dollies have to be dressed
In their best bibs and tuckers and
Introduced to one another, before
dancing and eating. Another morning
may be spent In drawing a Noah's
Ark, and coloring the animals.
That Came Afterward.
"Clara," said a mother to her four-
year-old daughter, "did you peel your
apple before eating it, as I told you?'
"Yes, mamma," waB the reply.
"And what did you do with the peel
ing?" she was asked.
"Oh," answered the little miss,
ate that afterward."
The Entrance Out,
"What does 'exit' mean, mamma?"
aBked small Edna, pointing to the
word over the door of a movlng-plc-
"I know!" exclaimed her little
brother. "It means the entrance out'
m m rap1 obs rj
I li ft 111
llllMl I 1
"They Sit on th Fence and Talk."
gazing after them from his perch in
After a while he came slowly down
and walked toward the house. He met
Kit Just as he was going into the
"You look as solemn as an owl,"
said Kit. "What has happened?"
"Have you seen Snowball?" asked
"No," answered Kit "Where is he?"
"He Is out walking with Nina Kit
ten," said Puff.
"He is a rascal," replied Kit "to
take your girl out walking. How did
it happen? and where were you?" he
Puff did not reply to this question,
for he was ashamed that he had been
afraid of the dog; so he walked away.
Nuggets From Georgia.
Nothing like hoping you'll get to the
brighter side If you can work and
wait till the world turns 'round.
Some folkB complain of having too
much to do, when it's so hard to pull
through the holidays that come to us.
There will be no fault to find with
the winters of the world if you only
keep life's Bummers singing la you!
Believing that the world Is all right
has a tendency to make it ashamed to
act otherwise. Atlanta Constitution.
Use of Spare Hours.
A boy climbs up and makes some
thing of himself In life or sows his
wild oats and goes to the bad largely
aa a result of the use he makes ot hla
spare hours. Success and happiness
as well as failure and misery are
wrapped up In them, and the thought
ful lad will have a care how hf
Advice to Boys.
Don't be careless of your personal
appearance, as It counts for much
either for or against you. Not that
you must always wear expensive
clothing, but tbe little details are Im
portant. Clean hands and face,
combed hair and brushed clothes do
not cost a cent
Didn't Fancy It All.
"Yes, ma'am," said little Erlo In re
ply to a query, "I like going to school,
also coming from school. But what I
don't like Is staying there betweei
Old Lady In River.
What Is an old lady In the mtddlf
of a river like? Like to be drowned.