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About The Columbian. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 1880-1886 | View Entire Issue (July 20, 1883)
V v THE COLUMBIAN. THE COLUMBIAN. PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY AT 8T. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR., BI E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor. Subscription Rates: PUBLISHED EVERY TODAY AT ST. HELENS. COLUMBIA CO., OR., 8T E. O. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor. Advertising Bates: One jeer. In advance.. Six months. Three mouths, " 2 00 - 1 CO . 50 VOL. HI. ST. HElENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON: JULY 20, 1883. NO. 50. One sqns.re (10 11dm) first Insertion . .11 00 . 1 08 KAea subsequent insertion.. . COLUMBIAN. 1 H .Pa inn , 1 JL - 1 1 1 A HARVE3T SONG. Come, Marr, blow tne horn! For the men are all a-neia, Itwuin hoar and more ago, I aaw them In the corn. Joey has the table spread and the harvest apples peeled. Come. Mary, come and blow the horn! Come. Marr. blow the horn! For the moon la In the skies. With sweeter, lustier voice than your s was never woman born: But yonr voice will not reach the field beyond the , So come, Mary, come and blow the horu! Come, Mary, blow the horn! For the harvest is begun: . , . Half the rye Is In the sheaf, the field is lying shorne: The men must take a breath and be out into the sun. So come, Mary, come and blow the hern! Come. Mary, blow th s horn! For the heat Is very I know It by the blinking sun, the tuistlng of the corn. The pail will be dry and the men will thirst for mere. Come, Mary, cime and blow the bore! Go, Mary, blow the horu! The wind is iu the south: Go out upon the bill where the echo will be borne. Then blow a ringing; blast from a full red mouth .' tio, Mary, go blow the horn! Oo, Mary, blow tne nor..! For the meu are still a-field; There's Peter In the yellow rye and Dinnls in the corn: Josy has the table spread and the harvest apples peeld. Ah. go. Mary, go blow the horn! LOTE IN A SHOWER. "I don't think I care about the nutting picnic," said the rector's daughter. "Not care about it?" said Horatia Dale, "Why, I thought you always vent every year." "So I have always done, but I don't think I shall go this year." "Ah! I see jealous!" cried Horatia. "I am not!" cried Fanny Forrester, "and no one shall dare say such a thing of me!" "Nevertheless, it is true," said Mis Dale, "you are not going to the nutting party because Harvey Carroll has Oriana Van Velsor to accompany him. Now, deny it if you dare! What a goose you are to go pining after a man that doesn't care for you I" "I don't pine," said Fanny. "To break your heart because Harvey Carroll prefers the gaudy city tulip to our little wild rose of the woods!" "I don't break my heart!" persisted Fanny. "Come, cheer up," said Horatia, laughing. "Miss Van Velsor returns to town to-morrow. The ward schools be gin next week, and she must take her place as second assistant schoolma'am in Feake street. And even if she should take Harvey Carroll's recreant heart with her, why there's this consolation there's as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it." "I hate vulgar proverbs," said the rec tor's daughter. "You hate Oriana Van Velsor, you mean," said Miss Dale, shrewdly. "Horatia," cried Fanny, "if you say another hateful word, I'll " "Come, now, Fanny," said Horatia, putting her arms around the waist of the sobbing girl, "I'm only trying to raise your dormant spirit. Don't let th.s con ceited city girl think she's breaking your heart; and don't let Harvey Carroll suppose he is the only man in the world. Hush there they come up the garden path! .Not here, cried l anny. "Yes, here. Why shouldn't Oriana vaunt her conquest here as as elsewhere?" Miss well .A. W f A sy OUU CUV. A A J V -A. UiiLi J "But you must," commanded Miss Dale. "Do you want her to think you're a blighted blossom? Brush those big drops off your eyelashes at once and come into the parlor." And Fanny Forrester decided that it was best to obey her friend's counsel. Miss Oriana Van Velsor was a tall, brilliantly-complexioned young lady who called herself five and twenty, who wore her hair banged, and generally wore a white lace veil drawn tightly over the face, after the most approved style. "Harvey Carroll; the handsome village lawyer, was well-nigh infatuated by her metropolitan airs and graces, to the grief of little Fanny Forrester who, up to this time, had been his favorite com panion. - To lose the rich guerdon of Harvey Carroll's love bowed our country girl's heart to the very ground, and made her think vaguely that it could not be so very wrong to commit suicide after all. For Fanny had no mother, and the rector, honest man, lived in a world of books and manuscripts, from which he emerged reluctantly, thiee times a day, to eat his abstracted meals. Misst Van Velsor giggled, flirted her fan, as Fanny Forrester greeted her in a low voice, scarcely even glancing at Harvey Carroll. "You're goiug to the nutting party, to morrow, of course, Miss Forrester," said she. Fanny was about to t ay no; but she caught Horatia Dale's warning eye. and change! her answer to: "Yea; I suppose so." "We are going," said Miss Van Velsor "Mr. Carroll and I. He has depicted the delights of a nntting party in such vivid colors that I really am quite anxious to participate in one. I do hope it won't rain." "Oh, it won't rain," said Mr. Carroll. "I don't think it will rain," said Fanny feeling she ought to say some thing. "And," Harvey added, "if you are not provided with an escort, I am sure Miss Van Velsor will be very glad to have you join our party." "Delighted," chimed in Oriana. "I thank you," interposed Miss Dale before Fanny could reply; "but Fanny is to go with my brother Lemuel." (Now Lemuel was an old bachelor, re garded as the common property of all the girls in town ) "Yes," said Fanny, clutching at the straw of escape, "I am to go with Lem uel Dale." And Harvey Carroll's con science did sting him a little as he met the glmea of uuconscious reproach in poor Fanny's eyes. "She's a little jewel," he confessed to himself. "But then she is only a pearl and Oriana is a diamond of the first water; and there can be no better chance for me to propose than to-morrow." And morning came one of those bril liant, summer-like days that seem to have been plucked out of the golden dia dem of August itself. "How delightful!" lisped Miss Oriana, as she sat gracefully on a twisted tree top, and drank champagne out of a sil ver cup. "Ah, how indescribably charming is the country !" . "Could you be contented to live here always?' asked Harvey Carroll, as he lay stretched on the green turf at her feet. "I could desire no happier fate," said Oriana, lifting heir eyes heavenward. "Then " Harvey was beginning, when honest Lemuel Dale came stumbling over the uneven ground toward him. "I say, Carroll, what are! yon dream ing about?" cried he, "Don't you see the thunder clouds piling up in the west? Don't you feel the sudden ohill in the air? Everybody else is seeking shelter from the storm, while you stay here, ap parently blind, deaf and dumb! Luck ily for you that I came back for Miss Forrester's shawl and roused you from your dream!" And Fanny, leaning on Dale's arm scarcely looked up while he spoke. Miss Van Velsor caught up her lace parasol with a shriek. "Is it going to rain?" she cried. "Oh, I have such a dislike of thunder-showers!! Oh, do let us go to a plaoe of shelter, some nice old farmhouse, or dear old dame's honeysuckle-covered cottage." "The nearest place is the rectory at the foot of the hill, half a mile off," said Carroll, doubtfully. "We shall be happy to welcome you there," spoke up Fanny, nnoonseiously heaping coals of fire on her rival's head. "Oh, do let us hurry," cried Miss Van Velsor, catching at Carroll's arm, as the thunder broke in low,- rumbling tones and the first big drops began to fall. But Miss -Forrester and Mr. Dale reached the rectory by a short cut across the meadows, and were at the door to re ceive their dripping guests when at last they reached the haven of refuge. Carroll surrendered Miss Van Velsor at once into Fanny's care. "Take her up stairs, please. Miss Forrester, said he, in a startled tone. "I think there's something the matter with her." "Oh, I am all right," said Miss Van Velsor, with a simper. "Only a little tired with the haste we have maJe." But Fanny started back with dismay, quite comprehending Mr. Carroll's dis comfiture when she caught a glimpse of her rival's face. It was striped like a zebra where the streams of rain .had run down her brow and cheeks, the streaks of red and white paint blending curious ly together; the penciling I was washed entirely from one eye-brow; the other, shielded by a fold of the lace veil, was totally unchanged. Fanny was silent, but Lemuel Dale, honest old bachelor that he was, proved less discreet. "Excuse me, Miss," said he, with his eye-glasses at his eye, "but 1 rather think your paint is washing off." "My paintV" repeated Miss Van Vel sor. I And then happening to see the reflec tion of her fa je in the opposite mirror, she uttered a wild shriek, . and went off into good old-fashioned hysterics. When she came out of them again Mr. Carroll had vanished from the scene. Miss Oriana Van Velsor went back to the school in Peake street quite unfet tered by the golden clasp of an engage ment ring, and they say there is to be a wedding at the rectory, in which pretty Fanny Forrester and Harvey Carroll are to play the principal parts. Strange how slender a straw will suf fice to turn the current of the stream of life! If it had not been for that thunder storm in the woods, the whole aspect of Miss Oriana Van Velsor's existence might have been different. i But her complexion, unlike the roses and lilies of Fanny Forrester's face, was not waterproof. Chine.se Fishing. Among their fishing appliances are dip-nets, large squares of netting ex tended on a frame work of bamboo, which is weighed and suspended from a pole, that has to be alternately raised and lowered either from a bank or a boat and brings up each ' time all the fish that may be passing ov6r it at the time. The casting net is very familiar, but China is a peculiar home, and it is there usoJ in varying sizes by men and children of all ages. A more original method of capturing fish is that pursued by what are known in Swatow as "slipper-boate." These craft are generally 25 feet long and 18 inches wide, and they fish in couples, moored side by side, on bright moonlight nights, their only im plements of capture being a white board fastened along the outer , side of each. This board catches the bright rays of the moon, and the fish, who would seem to be-of a confiding nature in this portion of the empire, are said to mistake it for water, and leap from their native element in the slipper boats in large numbers. Innumerable devices of this character, peculiar to the country, are here on show in the Chinese annex. This would seem to be a branch of industry natu rally commending itself to the minds of a people ! who haye always been universally credited with a more than ordinary amount of cunning. Their fish traps are, moreover, manifold and varied, and of the highest workman ship and utility. Ia the British Isles this is a means of taking fish practically unknown and unpracticed, with the ex ception of our stereotyped eel and lob ster pots, but the Chinese devote them selves largely to these strategic methods of fishing, and with an unvarying suc cess that nothing but the boundless fer tility of their rivers and seas could ex plain or withstand, me day will per haps come when western ideas will pene trate sufficiently there to insure the sup pression of wholesale fish poisoning and such liko fatal poaching arrangements for the capture of small fry as are rather too candidly exhibited here; but at pres ent we can only admire, perhaps with a tinge of dejection, the hundred and one devices employed in a land where, though every form of unsportsmanlike destruction is rampant, (he fish supply seems to remain as abundant and acces sible as ever. Cormorants aro another means em ployed by the Chinese on lakes and the shallower sheets of water for takine I fish. This aquatic species of hawking- I oi very oia date, and . was known and practiced in England, whither it doubt less was imported from the east, two centuries ago. But it is followed with success only by the painstaking celes tials. The birds, which have to undergo a regular training, are .taken oat in a boat, and before work commences a strap or ring is placed round each cormorant s throat, sufficiently tight to prevent its swallowing any fish it may catch in its strongly-hooked beak, but not so tight as to prevent respiration. The dark winged fishermen then go off and cater for their master with success and regu larity, being rewarded with an occasional fish, which they are permitted to swallow when the strap has been removed. Above all things the Chinese are a frugal nation, making use of substances that would meet with culinary contempt in any other country. The discarded shark represents to them a valuable supply of food. The fins go to form the well snown soup, or are used in the prepara tion of gelatine; while the skin, after being cleaned and prepared, serves for covering sword handles, and for various other ornamental purposes. Even the cuttle-fish, a creature repulsive to fish ermen of most other nations, is the object of careful pursuit with nets and lines by the Chinaman, at a time when other work is slack; and, carefully dried and packed in bales, commands a ready sale all through the Flowery land. The oyster, also, and its pearl bearing kin dred, the Chinese mussel, are not merely looked upon as dainties. Though culti vated with skill and science as such in the first place, their refuse shells are burnt for lime, and, while still living, they are induced to secrete the hard white substance which is so highly valued for its beauty and scarcity all over the world. London Telegraph. Retention of thft Juices la Cooking Meats. Existing thns in a liquid state in our rdinary flesh meat, it is liable to be wasted in the course of cookery, es pecially if the cook has only received the customary technical education and re mains in technological ignorance. To illustrate this, let us suppose that a leg of mutton, a slice of cod, or a piece of salmon, is to be cooked in water, "boiled," as the cook says. Keeping in mind the results of the previously de scribed experiments on the egg-albumen and also the fact that in its liquid state albumen is diffusible in water, the read er may now stand as scientific umpire, in answering the question whether the fish or the flesh should be pat in hot water at once, or in cold water, and be gradually heated. The "big-endians" and the "little endians" of Lilliput were not more definitely divided than are cer tain cookery authorities on this question in reference to fish. I refer ta the two which are practically consulted in my own household, that by Mrs. Beeton, and some sheet tablets hanging in the kitchen. Mrs. Beeton says pour cold water on the fish, the tablets say im merse it in hot water. Confining our at tention at present to the albumen, what must happtn if the fish or flesh is put in cold water, which is gradually heated?" Obviously a loss of albumen by exuda tion and diffusion through the water, especially in the case of sliced fish or of meat exposing much surface of fibers cut across. It is also evident that such loss of albumeu will be shown by its coagula tion when the water is sufficiently heated. Practical readers will at once recognize in the "scum" which rises to the surface of the boiling water, and in the milkiness that is more or less diffused throughout it, the evidence of such loss of albumen. This loss indicates the desirability of plunging the fish or flesh at once into hot water enough to immediately coaga late the superficial albumen, and there by plug the pores through which the inner albuminous juice otherwise exudes. But this is not all. There are other juices besides the albumen, and these are the most important of the flavoring constituents, and, with the constituents of animal food, have great nutritive value; so much so, that animal food is quite tasteless and almost worth less without them. I have laid especial emphasis on the above qualification, less the reader should be led into an error originated by the bone soup committee of the French Academy, and propagated widely by Liebig that of regarding these juices as a concentrated nutriment when taken alone. Mattieu Williams, in Popular Science. Mixed Accomplishments. Miss Rosalind H. Young is a resident of Piteairn Island. She is a descendant of one of the mutineers of The British ship Bounty, the crew of which founded a colony on Piteairn Island in 1790, con sisting of nine British sailors, six native Tahitiah men and twelve women, which has since, grown into a moderately populous village, with comfortable cot tages, a church and a school house. The residents all read, write and speak the English language. Miss Young, how ever, is a prodigy of scholarship in the colony. Some of our readers will remem ber that two years ago she wrote an article, descriptive of the. island, for Scribner'a Magazine. A retired tea cap tain, who visited the island not long ago, draws this picture of Miss Young. Her father is pastor of the island church and teaoher of the school, and she is organist and assistant teaoher. She is about twenty-six years old and weighs two hundred pounds, never had a shoe on her foot, and if necessary could swim off to a ship four miles from the island and back again to shore, and then go into the little church and play the organ nearly as well as any young lady in the states. There were nine rough-looking fellows and a real bright, sensitive boy on the chaingang in an Alabama town. The boy attracted a great deal of attention, on account of his youthfulness and in nocence. An Indiana lady, noticing him as she passed along the street, stopped and spoke to him. The guard, in a very rough manner, ordered the boy to go to work. He looked up into the lady's face, and his eyes filled with tears, as he turned to obey. Just then the express came thundering along, and without a word to any one, he threw himself in front of it, and was rushed into a shapeless mass. THE CESSION OF LOUISIANA. Events beyond the ocean were work ing more rapidly for the interest of the United States than any influences the government itself could exert. Before Mr. Monroe reached France, in the spring of 1803, another war cloud of portentious magnitude was hanging over Europe. The treaty of Amiens, which proved only a truce, misconstrued and violated by both parties, was about to be formally, broken. Fearing that in the conflict to oome England,' by her super ior naval force, would deprive him of his newly-acquired '. colonial empire, and greatly enhance her own prestige by se curing all the American possessions which France had owned prior to 1763, Bonaparte, by a uali in diplomacy as quick and as brilliant as his tactics on the field of battle, placed Louisiana be yond the reach of British power. After returning from St. Cloud from the re ligious services of Easter Sunday, April 10, 1803, he called two of his most trusted advisers, and in a tone of ve hemence and passion said: "I know the full value of Louisiana, and have been desirous of repairing the fault of the French negotiators who lost it in 1763. A few lines of a treaty have restored it to me,' and now I must ex pect to lose it. The English wish to take possession of it, and it is thus they will begin the war. They have twenty ships of war in the Gulf of Mexico. The con quest of Louisiana would be easy. I have not a moment to lose in putting it out of their reash. . The Eng lish have successively taken from France the Canadas, Cape Breton, Newfound land, Nova Scotia and the richest por tions of Asia. But they shall not have the Mississippi, which they covet." The discussion went far into the night. The two ministers differed widely in the advice which they gave the first consul. One was in favor of holding Louisiana at all hazards; the other urged its pru dent cession rather than its inevitable loss by war. The ministers both re mained at St. Cloud for the night. At daybreak the minister who had advised the cession was summoned by Bonaparte to read dispatches from London, that mo mm' received, and which certainly foreshadowed war, as the English were making military and naval preparations with extraordinary rapidity. After read ing the dispatches the first consul said : "Irresolution and deliberation are no longer in season. I renounce Louisiana. It is not only New Orleans that I will cede: it is the whole colony, without any reservation.' I know the value of what I abandon. I renounce it with the gravest regret. To attempt obstinately to retain it would be folly: I direct you to negotiate this affair with the envoys of the United States. Do not even await the arrival of Mr. Monroe. Have an in terview this very day with Mr. Living ston. But I require a great deal of money for this war. I will be moderate. I want $50,000,000 for Lou isiana." The minister who was opposed to the sale interposed, in a subsequent inter view, some observations "upon what the Germans call the souls, as to whether they could be the subject of a contract for sale." Bonaparte replied with un disguised sarcasm: "You are giving me the ideology of the law of nature. But I require money to make war on the richest nation in the world. Send your maxims to London. I am sure they will be greatly admired there." The first consul atterward addeJ: "Perhaps it will be objected that the Americans will be found too powerful for Europe in two or three centuries; but my foresight does not embrace such remote fears. Besides, we may hereafter expect rival ries among the members of the union. The. confederations, which are called perpetual, only last till one of the con tracting parties finds it to his interest to break them." Louis Napoleon embodied the sub stance of these views in his "Idees Na poleonnes," and sixty years after the first consul spoke the words quoted his nephew believed the time had come; and the Mexican invasion, based on the as sumed destruction of the American union, was undertaken. The destruction which followed was not of the union, but of the unhappy Austrian prinoe who represented his policy, and later of the Emperor himself. Two days after this conversation Mr. Monroe opportunely arrived, and on the 30th of April the treaty ceding Louisi ana to the United States was formally signed and sealed. Mr. Monroe and Mr. Livingston had no authority to negotiate for so vast an extent of territory, but the former was fully possessed of President Jefferson's views, and felt assured that his instructions would have been ample if the condition of France had been fore seen when he sailed from America Communication with Washington was impossible. Under the most favorable circumstances an answer could not be expected in less than three months; and by that time British ships would prob ably hold the mouths of the Mississippi and the flag of St. George would wave over New Orleans. Messrs. Monroe and Liyingston realized that hesitation would be fatal, and they boldly toot the re sponsibility of purchasing a territory of unknown and flmost unlimited dimen sions, and of pledging the credit of the government for a sum which, rated by the ability to pay, was larger than a sim ilar pledge to-day for $500,000,000. The price agreed upon was $11,250,000 in six per cent. United States bonds, the inter est of which was made payable in Lon don, Amsterdam and Paris, and the prin cipal at the treasury in Washington, in sums of $3,000,000 per ning fifteen years after annum, begin the bonds were issued. In a separate treaty, made the same day, the United States agreed to pay 2v,Wu,VW irancs aaauionai, to oo ap plied by France to the satisfaction of certain claims owed to American citi zens. Thus the total cost of Louisiana was 80,000,000 francs, or, in round num bers, $15,000,000. It seems at this day soarceiy credible that the acquisition of Louisiana by Jefferson was denounced with a ..bitter ness surpassing the partisan rancor with which this generation is familiar. No abase was too malignant, no epithet too coarse, no imprecations too savage for the great philosophio statesman, who laid the foundations so broad and deep for the country's growth and grandeur. President of a feeble republic, contend ing for a prize which was held by the greatest military power of Europe, and coveted by the greatest naval power of the world, Mr. Jefferson, through his chosen and trusted agents, so conducted his important negotiations that the am bition of the United States was success fully interposed between the necessities of the one power and the aggressive de designs of the other. Beady to side with either of these great powers against the other for the advantage of his own coun try; not underrating the dangers of war, and yet ready to engage in it for the control of the great water way to the gulf the president made the greatest conquest ever achieved. without anteced ent war, and at a cost so small that the total snm expended for the entire terri tory does not equal the revenue which has since been collected on its soil in a single month in time of great public peril. The country thus acquired forms to day the states of Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, Min nesota, west of the Mississippi; Color ado north of the Arkansas, and Oregon, besides Indian territory, and the terri tories of Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho and Washington. This coup d'etat of the first consul was an overwhelming surprise and dis appointment to the English government. Bonaparte was right in assuming that prompt action on his part was necessary to save Louisiana from the hands of the English. Twelve days after the treaty ceding Louisiana to the United States wan signed the British ambassador at Paris, Lord Whitwoith demanded his passports. At Dover he met the French ambassador to England, General Andreassy, who had likewise demanded his passports. Lord Whitworth loaded General Andreassy with tokens of esteem, and conducted him to the ship which was to bear him back to France. Acoording to an eminent historian, "the two am bassadors in the presence of a great con course of people, were agitated, uneasy, sorrowful. At the moment of eo im portant a determination the warlike passion subsided, and the men were seized with a dread of the consequences of a desperate conflict. At this solemn moment the two nations seemed to bid each other adieu, not to meet again till after a tremendous war and the convul sion of the world." - The consequence that would have fol lowed England's acquisition of Louis iana must have proved in the highest degree embarrassing, if not disastrous to the union. Had England seized Louisiana, as Bonaparte feared, the Floridas, cut off from the other colonies of Spain, would probably have fallen into her hands by easy and prompt negotiation, as they did, a few years alter, into the hands of the United States. England would thus have planted her colonies on the three land Bides of the union, and on the ocean side her formidable navy confronted the young republic. No colonial acquisition ever made by England on any continent would have proved so profitable to her commerce and so strengthening to her military position as that of Louisiana. This fact was clearly seen by Bonaparte when he hastily made the treaty ceding it to the United States. That England did not attempt at once to seize it, in disregard of Bonaparte's cession, has been a source of surprise to many historians. The obvious reason was that she dreaded the complication of a war in America when she was about to assume bo heavy a bur den ia the impending European con test. The inhabitants of the Union in 1803 were six millions in number, of great energy and confidence, a large portion accustomed to the sea and able to send swarms of privateers to prey on British commerce. Citizens of an independent government would be even more formidable than were rebellious colon ists in the earlier struggle with the mo ther country, and, acting in 'conjunction with France, could have effectively maintained the contest. Considerations of this nature doubtless induced the Addington Ministry to acquiesce quietly in a treaty whose origin and whose assured results were in every way distasteful and even offensive to the British govern ment. Blaine's Forthcoming Book. Match -Milking. American mothers have acquired some reputation for skill and energy in connu bial managemen t on behalf of their daugh ters, says a writer in Chambers' Journal. A Parisian newspaper some time ago re- corded an exceedingly clever bit of match-making,executed by an American lady of this order in brilliant style. Her eldest daughter had sailed from New York with some friends for a tour of Europe, and after "doing" the continent had returned to the capital for several months of rest and pleasuring. Attrac tive and clever, she had man) suitors, some more, some less desirable. She could not marry them all, so she adroit ly reduced the number to two--tbe best Oi 1'ae lot, of course. Then she wrote homo to her mamma, explaining the exact situation of affairs, adding that they were both so hand some, agreeable, well connected and rich, that she could not decide between them, and closed with the question, "What shall I do?" Ten days later she received a cablegram from mamma: "I sail to-morrow; hold both till I come." The next transatlantic steamer brought Mrs. Blank with her second daughter, just turned eighteen, and fresh from school. On her arrival the old lady at once took the helm of affairs, and steered so deftly through the dangerous waters that in a few weeks she had reached port with all colors flying. To drop metaphor, she attended the wedding of her two daughters at the American chapel on the same morning. After due examination she deoided that neither of the nice fel lows should go out of the family. Here is an illustration of a much less 1 skillful attempt at match-making, with a very different denouement. A certain member of Parli.ment, who owned ex-, tensive estates, was spending a few days j at the residence of a noble family. There were several interesting and accom- plished young ladies in the family, to j whom the honorable member showed j every attention. J ust as he was about to take leave, the nobleman's wife pro ceeded to consult him upon a matter which, she declared, was causing her no little distress. "It is reported," said the countess, ' "that yoa are to marry my daughter .Liucy, and what shall we do? What shall we say about it?" "Oh." re plied the considerate M. P., with muoh adroitness, "just say she refused me. We have said that men do not. as a rule, figure conspicuously as match makers; nor do they; but the judgment and policy exhibited in this connec tion by a knowing old gentleman of our acquaintance could hardly be sur passed by the most accomplished tacti cian of either sex. "Brown," said a neighbor to him one day, "I don't see how it is that your girls all marry offns soon as they get old enough, while none of mine can marry. "Oh! that's simple enough," he re plied; "I marry my girls off on the buckwheat straw principle." "But what principle is that? Never heard of it before." "Well, I used to raise a good deal of buckwheat, and it puzzled me to know now to get rid of the straw. Nothing would eat it, and it was a great bother to me. At last l thought ox a plan. 1 stacked my buckwheat straw nicely and built a high rail fence around it. Mr cattle, of course, concluded that it must be something good, and at once tore down the fenoe and began to cat the straw. I drove them away and built up the fence a few times, but the more 1 hunted them off, the more anxious they became to eat the straw; and eat it they did, every bit of it. As I said, I marry my girls on the same principle. When a young man that I don't like begins to call on my girls, I encourage him in every way I can. I tell him to ocme often and stay as late as he pleases; and I take pains to hint to the girls that I think they'd better set their caps for him. It works first rate. He don't make many calls, for the girls treat him as coolly as they can. But when a young fellow that I like comes around, a man that I think would suit me for a son-in-law, I don't let him make many calls before I give him to understand that he isn't wanted about my house. I tell the girls, too, that they shall have nothing to do with him, and- give them orders never to speak to him again. The plan always works exactly as I wish. The young folks begin to pity and sympa thize with each other; and the next thing I know is they are engaged to be mar ried. When 1 see that they are deter mined to marry. I of course give in, and pretend to make the best of it. That's the way I manage it. An old lady who had several unmar ried daughters fed them largely on a hsh diet, because, as she ingeniously ob served, the fish is rich in phosphorous, and phosphorous is the essential thing in making matches. If the phosphoric diet caused the young ladies to shine in society, they in all probability did not adopt it in vain; for, just as fish are easily attracted in the night by any bright light thrown upon the water, so young men are invariably found to flock after any girl who "shines, even though her accomplishments may be of a very shallow, superficial, or phosphorescent character. Mo experienced match making mamma requires to be taught the value of display as an almost certain means of attraction. 1 hat is the secret of the ball suppers and iced champagne, the heavy diessmakers's bills, and the thousand and one other items of ex travagance that have to be met in order that the young ladies may make a "respectable" appearance, and niav finish with a successful match. And that is why so many of these match making ventures have so often resulted in the most deplorable sequels. .Dis play is met with display the one fre quently ts hollow and false as the other. The distinguished foreigner or the fasci nating young nobleman is discovered when it is too late, to be nothing more nor less'than an unprincipled adventur er; and the merchant, who was supposed to be little if anything short of a million aire, is found also when it is late, to be on the verge of bankruptcy. Very often in such matches both parties are sold, and then the universal verdict is, '.'served them right" The English Board Schools Again. A correspondent of the Pall Mall Ga zette writes: "I have been examining board schools in geography, and fanoy that a few of the children s answers mav have a general interest. Their ex cellent textbooks deal little with statist ics, and much with climate, history and national manners; it also contains some simple and interesting observations about free trade. But the most interest ing book can be made dull. I found that the children, while able to give an accurate list of the exports of Norway, could not recfll the picture of a fiord. They knew that the latitude of Paris was 49 degrees. ba when asked. 'What is latitude?' they were either dumb or in clined to the following views: 'Latitude means lines running straight up;' lati tude means zones or climate; 'latitude is measured by multiplying the length by the breadth. Again, together with correct liBts of imports. I received the following definitions of custom duties: 'Customs are ways; duties are things that we have to do. and we ought to do them' (from a girl.) 'Customers' duties are to go in the. places and bay what they want, not stopping about, but go i ii i .Vui. out wuen iuvj rw uuuo ; "If these were exceptional answers," fit a wrifAP continues, "one would not complain; but they were typical." Inhalation ov Aib Exhaled by Con sumptives. Fresh proof of the danger of inhaling air exhaled by persons hav- ing lung diseases nas Deen given oy a characteristic French experiment. M. Giboux took four young, healthy rab bits from the Bame litter and kept them for 105 days in cages as follows : Two were placed in a cage where thay were obliged to breathe the air expired from animals with consumption, twice a day for two hours; in a short time they be came siokly, and on killing them, they were found to have tubercles in the lungs. The other' two breathed twice a day the same air, but disinfected by be ing passed through cotton wadding im pregnated with carbolio aoid; these rab bits remained in good health, and were finally eaten by the experimenter. CHANCES FOR A S2ULE. "What is true bravery?" asks a New York paper. It is going to sleep while your wife sits up in bed to listen for bur glars. . A Pittsburg female physician says : "Woman can understand woman." All we've got to say is, if she can she's mighty smart. Not only must the front windows be boarded up at once, but the bell knob mast be tarnished. Tarnish can be bought at any drug store. Translated from Omnibus : Liae He- Well, Grettie, how pleases you tho kisses taste a little after brass. Young man, keep off the gr iss.' It is said that even a moderate indulgence at lawn tennis creates an unquenchable and inhuman appetite for ioe cream. Dialogue in a Saginaw, Michigan, school : Teaoher "How many races are there?" Pupil "Three: the spring meeting, midsummer speeding, and fall fairs." "Where did you get your wonderful power of language?" asked an admiring auditor at the close of a lecture. "Oh," replied the lecturer, with a laugh, " I used to work in a barber shop. It was, of course, an Irishman in Lis very best mood who said that landlords are so grasping that they take a tenth of all the tenants have, and thev would even take a twentieth if the law allowed them. The younger lady "Oh, aunty, did yoa observe what a badly made dress Mrs. Brown had oo?" Aunt (who couldn't bear "that woman ') "Ah, that's how it was it fitted her so well. dear yea." A woman in Akron, Ohio, who had been married four times, was asked: "When are you going to be married again?" "Never! I shall forever re main single. I hate a man," was her reply. "Never engage in anything you would not open with prayer," said a very stiiot orthodox preacher. Whereupon aa irreverent individual arose and inquired, , "What would you do with a dozen oys ters?" "Pass? Of course I'll pass!" replied twelve-year old school girl in this city the other day. "Doesn't my brothsr keep company with the schoolma'am, and will she dare 'snub one of the family?" "No, sir." said the gentleman. "I am not brutal in disposition and tastes; but I hate hypoorisy in man or beast, and if two dogs have a rooted antipathy for each other I don't like to see 'em con ceal it." "Father," asked a Beaoon Hill lad, "may I go out to-night to hear Governor Butler speak?" "Yoa may, indeed," said the high-toned Boston parent, "and here's some money to buy a hatful of stale eggs. An exchange says: "A Mississippi dog bit off a boy's noso and swallowed it." This shows the thoughtfulness of the dog. If he had swallowed the nose without biting it off it xnnst have proved fatal to the boy. "Why do good little children go to heaven when they dio?" aakeu the teacher. "Because," answered the bright boy at the head of. the class, "bocause it's unsafe to trust children in a place where there's fire." "There's one thing connected with your table," said a drummer to a west ern landlord, that is not surpassed by even the best hotels in Chicago." "Yes?" replied the pleased landlord, and what is that?" "The salt." "Did that lady take umbrage?" said the proprietor of a Harlem store to his clerk, who had just had a wordy dispute with a customer. "Oh, uo; she took ten yards of Turkey rod calico, and wanted buttons to match. A poor woman in Lawrence was visited by a female missionary, who, in the conversation, asked her if she intended to bring her boy up to any trade. "Well," said the party addressed, "wid respects to yer, I think 1 shall bring him up to be an Odd Fellow.' "Yes. said the gilded youth, "I -want a Wife to make home ploasant." "But," objected a friend, "you d be howling round town nights all the same. "les; but now no oouy cares, and it would be such a oomfort to feel that somebody was at home mad about it." "T)r vnn 1a1iava that a woman nowa days would die for the object, of her love?" asked a bachelor friend. . "I don't know whether she d die or not, answered the benedict, but I've known her to go wild when the trimming didn't suit her." On a. Rniithern veranda: "Where is your lover, Colonel Blank? He has not been to see yon for a week. &o, dear fellow, he has been detained in the city on business. He shot a judge or some thing the other day, and it would not oe proper for him to leave until the trial ia over. A vnnntrater of a. dozen vears went to pass the Whitsuntide holidays with bis grandmother in the country. In. the evening when they sat down to dinner the grandmother cried: "O, my! There . ihirtAAn of ns!" "Don't be worried. grandmother,' cried the youngster; "I will eat for two!" The Fees Given Away by an English 1'ilnce Among the items in the estimate of ex penses for tne .unse ox idinourghs special mission to Mosoow is 1000 for "gratuities. People who think that this amount is exorbitant will perhaps change their opinion on learning that when the Emperor Nicholas vicited the queen at Windsor Castle in 1844 he gave 2000 to the servants and 1000 pounds to the housekeeper, as well as six gold snuff boxes, with his pioture set in dia monds, to the lords of the household, and six with his cipher to the equerries and grooms in-waiting. These were the chief gifts; bat for other dependents about a bushel of rings, watches and brooches were distributed. When the I late Emperor Napoleon staved at Wind- ,' sor in 18U he left 1600 for the i errasts, i 5 - 5
