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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 11, 2016)
FEATURES 8A Brother cuts ties with family Dear Annie: Sadly, my brother isn’t speaking to me. He is mar- ried with two children, 17 and 15. I have been part of their life, although it has been dificult. His wife is from a different country. Her family is all back there. She sabotages all efforts I make to see her children and has told me that my children and I are dead to her. They didn’t come to my daughter’s wedding and did not allow the chil- dren to come. We have never done anything to upset them; however, I have been told I am not a good sister-in-law because I didn’t live up to what she felt I should do. I worked full time, went to school and raised my girls while her children were young. She said she expected me to baby- sit. I have tried to contact the kids, but my brother says not to. He has cut ties with everyone in our fam- ily. My mother had serious health issues, and he does not allow his kids to see her. I think that his wife has mental health issues. Any sug- gestions on keeping their children in our lives, or do we wait until they are older? — Hurting Aunt Dear Hurting: If your sister- in-law’s concern really were that you didn’t spend enough time with her children, then why would she Dear Annie By Annie Lane Creators Syndicate Inc. ban you from their lives? It sounds as if she indeed has severe anger or anxiety issues and would settle on anything to resent; for now, that’s you and your relationship with her children. It’s disappointing that your brother has allowed his wife’s illness to dictate their entire lives. Your niece and nephew are probably aware their mother isn’t well, because people that high- strung ill households with tension. It would be good for the children to have healthier family members in their lives, and you should make an effort to give them that. But wait until they are 18. If you reached out to them now, it would only make your brother and his wife angry, and your niece and nephew are stuck living with that stress. Dear Annie: As the Northern English say, you got the “wrong end of the stick” on your advice to “Crackberry Wife,” whose hus- band is constantly on his phone working. I lived a crackberry life before I had children, and I was able to learn how to let go of my addiction to work and actually be present for the child I chose to have. Mr. Crackberry can make the same choice, and he is choosing not to, as his wife enables him. Your advice that he is offering a strong work model to the kids is completely wrong. He is teaching his kids that men can ignore you and can’t be interrupted, whereas good ol’ Mommy is apparently always available to be interrupted. Further, why would you advise her to be happy that her husband spends 30 to 60 minutes a day with his children? That isn’t parenting. Emotional connections are hard work. He cannot be a good father until he learns patience and how to listen well. He needs boundaries. He needs to tell his kids and wife when he is working, and he needs to tell them that he will make time for them when he will not answer work calls. If he is not willing to do that, he is not willing to parent or be a spouse and he is a negative inluence for the whole family. — Lisa N. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2016 Tomorrow’s horoscope By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). The people who know you best are not always those you live with or have known for many years, or the ones you call family. Like-minds, obser- vant people and kindred spirits will be the treasures of your life today. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You don’t have to worry about pushing the limits of your intellect or your creativity. It all unfolds rather naturally. You’ll be coming up with an- swers for as long as you keep questioning. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Someone clever has intrigued and inspired you. Now you’re getting increasingly involved in chas- ing that inspiration so you can build on it. You so want to construct something here for your very own. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Polarization will get old pretty fast. Do what you do when the printer runs out of black ink: Fall back on the color cartridge to see even more of this picture. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Open your mind and your senses to what other people are really looking for. Listen to the message in- side the message. Gaps between people that seemed too distant to bother with can be closed with no compromise to integrity. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You once thought of someone as an adversary, but now you’re beginning to wonder if the two of you might make a powerful team. Of course, first you have to agree to be on the same side. Ease into this. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). If your desire is weak, and you aren’t given what you want, the denial is no big deal. If your desire is weak and you get what you want, the victory is no big deal, either. You’re better off waiting FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE for something you really, really want. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). There’s a stressful little knot to unravel. Don’t get out the scissors just yet. Go back to the drawing board. There’s got to be a way to have two winners in this scenario. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). With these complicated social dynamics, it may help to think of yourself as a part of nature — a particular kind of animal with very specific adaptations and talents. The better you know yourself, the happier you’ll be. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Today’s storyline may not be all that emotional or remarkable, but it will seem to have the dra- matic music and lighting necessary to evoke the desired audience response. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). If you place too small a value on your work, you’ll be stuck at that agreement. On the other hand, if you price too high you’ll be passed up. Luckily, you have a talent for finding the sweet spot between supply and demand. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). As the sign of the fish you know that not every mermaid wants to be part of the world on land. Right now you’d rather swim in your grotto and en- joy the special things you’ve collected there. WEDNESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Oct. 12). You’re dexterous and deft in all things over the next six weeks, and this will help you set yourself up for wins down the line. Go on and make the deal. There’s nothing luckier than your signature on a document before the end of December. You’ll also cash in mid- March. Exercise creative talents and make friends in 2017. Aries and Virgo adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 30, 2, 22, 26 and 49.
