FEATURES
8A
Brother cuts ties with family
Dear Annie: Sadly, my brother
isn’t speaking to me. He is mar-
ried with two children, 17 and
15. I have been part of their life,
although it has been dificult. His
wife is from a different country.
Her family is all back there. She
sabotages all efforts I make to see
her children and has told me that
my children and I are dead to her.
They didn’t come to my daughter’s
wedding and did not allow the chil-
dren to come.
We have never done anything to
upset them; however, I have been
told I am not a good sister-in-law
because I didn’t live up to what she
felt I should do. I worked full time,
went to school and raised my girls
while her children were young.
She said she expected me to baby-
sit. I have tried to contact the kids,
but my brother says not to. He has
cut ties with everyone in our fam-
ily. My mother had serious health
issues, and he does not allow his
kids to see her. I think that his wife
has mental health issues. Any sug-
gestions on keeping their children
in our lives, or do we wait until
they are older? — Hurting Aunt
Dear Hurting: If your sister-
in-law’s concern really were that
you didn’t spend enough time with
her children, then why would she
Dear Annie
By
Annie
Lane
Creators
Syndicate
Inc.
ban you from their lives? It sounds
as if she indeed has severe anger or
anxiety issues and would settle on
anything to resent; for now, that’s
you and your relationship with her
children. It’s disappointing that
your brother has allowed his wife’s
illness to dictate their entire lives.
Your niece and nephew are
probably aware their mother isn’t
well, because people that high-
strung ill households with tension.
It would be good for the children
to have healthier family members
in their lives, and you should make
an effort to give them that. But wait
until they are 18. If you reached
out to them now, it would only
make your brother and his wife
angry, and your niece and nephew
are stuck living with that stress.
Dear Annie: As the Northern
English say, you got the “wrong
end of the stick” on your advice
to “Crackberry Wife,” whose hus-
band is constantly on his phone
working. I lived a crackberry life
before I had children, and I was
able to learn how to let go of my
addiction to work and actually
be present for the child I chose to
have. Mr. Crackberry can make the
same choice, and he is choosing
not to, as his wife enables him.
Your advice that he is offering
a strong work model to the kids is
completely wrong. He is teaching
his kids that men can ignore you
and can’t be interrupted, whereas
good ol’ Mommy is apparently
always available to be interrupted.
Further, why would you advise
her to be happy that her husband
spends 30 to 60 minutes a day with
his children? That isn’t parenting.
Emotional connections are hard
work. He cannot be a good father
until he learns patience and how to
listen well. He needs boundaries.
He needs to tell his kids and wife
when he is working, and he needs
to tell them that he will make time
for them when he will not answer
work calls. If he is not willing to
do that, he is not willing to parent
or be a spouse and he is a negative
inluence for the whole family. —
Lisa N.
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2016
Tomorrow’s horoscope
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). The people
who know you best are not always those you
live with or have known for many years, or
the ones you call family. Like-minds, obser-
vant people and kindred spirits will be the
treasures of your life today.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You don’t
have to worry about pushing the limits of
your intellect or your creativity. It all unfolds
rather naturally. You’ll be coming up with an-
swers for as long as you keep questioning.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Someone
clever has intrigued and inspired you. Now
you’re getting increasingly involved in chas-
ing that inspiration so you can build on it. You
so want to construct something here for your
very own.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Polarization
will get old pretty fast. Do what you do when
the printer runs out of black ink: Fall back on
the color cartridge to see even more of this
picture.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Open your mind
and your senses to what other people are
really looking for. Listen to the message in-
side the message. Gaps between people
that seemed too distant to bother with can
be closed with no compromise to integrity.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You once
thought of someone as an adversary, but
now you’re beginning to wonder if the two of
you might make a powerful team. Of course,
first you have to agree to be on the same
side. Ease into this.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). If your desire is
weak, and you aren’t given what you want,
the denial is no big deal. If your desire is
weak and you get what you want, the victory
is no big deal, either. You’re better off waiting
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
for something you really, really want.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). There’s a
stressful little knot to unravel. Don’t get out
the scissors just yet. Go back to the drawing
board. There’s got to be a way to have two
winners in this scenario.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). With
these complicated social dynamics, it may
help to think of yourself as a part of nature —
a particular kind of animal with very specific
adaptations and talents. The better you know
yourself, the happier you’ll be.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Today’s
storyline may not be all that emotional or
remarkable, but it will seem to have the dra-
matic music and lighting necessary to evoke
the desired audience response.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). If you
place too small a value on your work, you’ll
be stuck at that agreement. On the other
hand, if you price too high you’ll be passed
up. Luckily, you have a talent for finding the
sweet spot between supply and demand.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). As the sign
of the fish you know that not every mermaid
wants to be part of the world on land. Right
now you’d rather swim in your grotto and en-
joy the special things you’ve collected there.
WEDNESDAY’S BIRTHDAY (Oct. 12).
You’re dexterous and deft in all things over
the next six weeks, and this will help you set
yourself up for wins down the line. Go on
and make the deal. There’s nothing luckier
than your signature on a document before
the end of December. You’ll also cash in mid-
March. Exercise creative talents and make
friends in 2017. Aries and Virgo adore you.
Your lucky numbers are: 30, 2, 22, 26 and
49.