Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 1986)
Campus Cows wander freely here, we like cows By Caraeeds Moreshrll (H Ikr ■■timtlif A herd of cows mysteriously wandered imo downtown Cowvallis yesterday, creating a traffic jam and a curious band of white onlookers. Authority figures aren't sure where the mooing cows came from hut rumor has it. (and this is the best place to find rumors) they were at tracted by the mating smell of a large bull parked in a trailer on Main St. According lo locals. Cowvallis, a village located somewhere between the Pacific Ocean and the Cascade Mountains, has a large population of cows. The white folks frequently walk the cows as a daily chore and the animals are considered a member of most families **Wc used to have ‘Cow Day' a few years back. We'd git together and tic ribbons on the cows and parade ‘cm through town. But it was nothing ever like this.” said Ned the ™WIh " * (josh. you mean you nutty cattle experimenters injected this new goop into 57 «/►». M chickens and eight sheep, then none of them got sick or died' WW it * a wonder drug'" Fanner. To reach the downtown location, most of the cows were forced to knock down fences and travel on neighborhood streets with many leaving large droppings along the way. As a result, fertiliser sales are ex petted to plummet. The crowd of onlookers, which authonty figures estimated at 500. started calling out meat prices at one point during the day with 90c the going rate. But authonty figures in tervened and calm was restored. The crowd remained, however, and within minutes a hot dog stand began selling beef franks at reduced prices. Some of the cows ventured into the middle of the street and were hit and killed by fanners in pickup trucks with gun racks By order of the Cowvallis City Council, snow plows moved in and cleared the street of the dead animals before the white folks had a chance to feed their families. The other cows, meanwhile, con tinued to moo and mill around and positioned themselves near the trailer holding the bull 1 Avoid the Hassle of Buying Tickets! The Beavers are gonna lose as usual. • There’s still time to sell your Student Athletic Pass. Remember, there’s a sucker born every minute. • If you can’t sell your Student Athletic Pass, don’t worry. You can clip it on your bicycle spokes and pretend you’ve graduated from goat ropin’ to motocrossin’. Sell your athletic pass at: Memorial Union Ticket Office 10:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. Wednesday, Tuesday, Thursday •OR* Swill Coliseum 8 a.m. to 8 a.m. Monday through Monday * Deadline: Anytime Yesterday UN OPINYUN POLE In order to better serve our readers, the Baremeter recently con ducted a poll to publicly evaluirtc our format, editorial content and choice of feature columns. While the results were not as positive as we had hoped, journalistic integrity encourages us to print some of the responses we received. ‘‘More stories from the wire! Please! Good Lord, does the Baremcter even have a staff? Sure wouldn't know it by the number of local stories you run — the only thing you guys really cover well is the annual Cow-pic Chucking Con test. And then you run those ex ploitive pictures of poor Miss Cow pie Queen with her blouse dipping down to her navel. I mean. I like to sec voluptuous ta-tas as much as anyone else, but there must he pi relevcnt news happening on campus." — Jim-Bob Starkey squirrel feeding major ‘‘I know you all have a Fencing' heading atop your letters to the editor. This sorta confuses me. 'cause in my whole life I’ve only known two definitions for fencing and one’s that fairy sport they play over in Europe and the other's the stuff what holds our cows in. I don't know, hut I think other people might sorta wonder about this too " — Patsy Peconc home economics major ‘'Time out with Ditch Me Person sucks. This guy doesn't know shit about sports, but he writes like he’s the God-given authority on everything. I especially like it when the Bare meter runs two Time out columns like they did on the 13th. Oh sure, this column's so good, people will be doubly happy if they read two in one day. You know this Ditch guy is someone who has never been to a sporting event who sits around playing butt darts with friends on the weekend." — Horse McDougle football team major “In my perception, the Barcmetcr needs thorough restructuring to cor rect catyaclismic errors in style, layout and management. Intellec tually speaking of course, the level of correction would have to be so lofty that I think it highly impossi ble. however intense psychotherapy and journalistic training for the staff may make a slight nick in this problem.” —Henry Doitalldoitright tortured intellectual "Whoa dude, gotta love these headlines ... "Sperm given little chance of surviving.” "Mummified mother found in rocking chair." so what if all the stuff is happening in some state I've never heard of. This is interesting! — Boff 'em Billy skateboarding major 1 'l the daily , parameter IS SEEKING SOMEONE WITH THE IN TELLIGENCE OF FLY LARVAE, (AT LEAST), WHO CAN MAKE MARKS ON PAPER THAT TAKE UP A LOT OF SPACE SO WE WON’T HAVE TO FILL SO MUCH EMPTY SPACE WITH UPI COPY EVERY DAY. HERE’S LOOKING AT YOU, KIEL. IN THE YEARBOOK. I'UKIKAIIS WILL Ht lARtn A I MOO UNION EAST 223 How would you like to pose for some tasteful nudes? Let me expose your inner sensuality with my telephoto lens. Kendra Lee. Rhonda, Tana, and Tanna, you did it for Playboy, now do it for your school yearbook. If the MCl’s not your style I have a nice private studio at the motel down the block. . . •Sf
