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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 1986)
Opinion Hey, fool ain’t you got no respect for your own self? The AIDS epidemic has gone loo far. The dread disease is nor only effecting faggots and queers but has begun to claim the lives of boat people, mteruterinc drug users, homopheliacs and even some hetrosexuals. Worstly. our barnyard animals are in danger. The community apparently did not heed our warning earlier this year when we recommended that all sex with barnyard animals be terminated. As a result, statistics show that, locally, as many as 33.000 animals and their owners have been in flected with this disease. This tragic occurrence could have been prevented had animal owners uterized certain precautionary safe-sex prac tices outlined in the Feb. 29 edition of the Barometer. Cowvallis already has suffered its First fatalities. Farmer Ebner Coogley. a 40-year resident of our fair city, and his milk cow Bessie, a 17-year-old Hereford, fell pray to the dread disease yesterday. Ebner and Bessie contracted the disease within three days of each other last January. Bessie's illness first came to the atten tion of Ebner when he went out to milk her early one morning and noticed a small cancerous-looking sore on one of her teats. He immediately became concerned and called in the family vetrinarian. Dr. Milk Bones. Bones examined Bessie's teats, took a blood sample and several hours later informed Ebner of the dreaded news. Upon hearing the dreaded news. Ebner collapsed into a de jected slump (it was at first difficult to ascertain this as Ebner had never had the best posture). When Ebner hadn't snapped out of his slump three days later. Bones was called in to ex amine him as well, and once agin the diagnosis came back — AIDS Because Ebner and Bessie had been so close (hey were hous ed and treaied in the same stall, where they remained until they died Upon questioning the other barnyard animals, it was discovered that Ebner and Bessie had been having clandestine relations with each other for 15 of the past 17 years. It was determined that the two did not use safe-sen practices and that Ebncr didn't even wash his hands before milking Bessie. In addition. Ebner’s mail carrier said he once witnessed Ebncr licking Bessie's teats dry once he'd finished milking her. We cannot stress enough the dangers involved when animal owners ignore simple precautKmary measures and come into such dose personal contact with their animals, There is no way of telling how many times or how many people in our fair city have poured Bessie's milk over their com flakes in the morning. Judging from the number of people, and animals, in our fare city that have been diagnosed with AIDS, we would say it was alot. We would like to reiterate recommendations we made earlier this year so that further spread of this dread disease can be haltered: Know your animals well before having sex with them: it is advisable to check their health and their awareness of the dangers involved Eliminate unsafe sexual practices These include anal inter course, oral anal contact, oral contact with semen and cow licks. Sterilize all sex toys before use with your animals. Proper use of condoms reduces the chance of exchanging body fluids — it matters not whether it be semen or milk Avoid eating out of your animals' slough troughs and buckets Don't allow them to lick your plate dean Just because we didn’t become aware of the AIDS problem until just this year doesn't mean we can't take preventative measures now Once we gain control of the problem here, we can go after those faggots and queers that caused the problem in the first place. Fencing Motivational Suicide To the editor: What? Can this really be? A Moo U. Geek system without alcohol? Well that is just un Moo U. like. It's motivational suicide? Alcohol is the oil that keeps our beloved Geek machine running We just can't get rid of it just because a ample bad apples got drunk, and went out rabble-rousing and cow-tipping. I mean, cow-tipping is as American as wat ching the grass grow or other dumb things we do here in Cow-Town. And really think about it. do you think that anyone, even Geeks would be stupid enough to go out Cow Tipping without the help of alcohol? And cow-tipping is a badly needed way to control the cow population that a lot of people don't think about So we urge the IFC to reconsider its proposal and save the alcohol, we love it Dyin “To drink" Mooer Senior in Mechanical Engineering Mr. Ed policy The Daily Bare Staff welcomes any editorial that has anything to do with Mr. Ed That is right, now is your chance to write your opi nion on the greatest talking horse of all-time For a Mr. Ed editorial to be considered for publication, personal consultation with our Mr. Ed Page Editor is advised. Mr. Ed Editorials must he typed, double spaced and generally. 2-3 pages in length (We realize it is hard to stay within 2-3 pages when you are talking about a great guy like Mr. Ed. but we just don't have the space, day in and day out). All Mr. Ed Editorials will he considered for publication, but due to the limited space, brevity is encouraged Mr. Ed Editorials must include the author s thumb print, NRA registration number, aggie major, and barn number Mr Ed Editorials submitted by the com munity must include author's foot print. NRA registration number, and barn number All Mr Ed Editorials are subject to Mr editing by our Mr Ed Page Editor, for clarity The Daily Bare meter reserves the right to refuse publication of Mr Ed Editorials that may be considered libelous (Like saying Mr. Ed isn't a great guy), arc written in poor taste (like talking about Mr Ed's eating habits), or contain factual errors (we tend to let this one slide a little bit). Letters written in crayon will not be accepted, neither will ones written in ink We only want the real thing — blood No submitted materials will he returned letters to persons other than Mr Ed will not be published Bare StalT ftMFkkV - P»*ni *. MopuHIv*.. ___KdHor _No** *f fOUf luilfttn M«*«g*r Stud**l Modhima and pa vcMea ■ miiinc A«ahi UinAntr . UO"»pvllnU nwiifn iwnvyv> Put>H*h*d In conjunction with m* coming of th* H*v**t -one* anytttng. °* M M ,# * **•*■ ,N*n •• *,n com* out with Th* Daily D««mii«r l» puWlalW Mo*d*y thru FrUt*/ dudng Xh* •cod*m»c y**r with *ie*pttomi of Molldiry*. ItMf ***m w**h*. and wndn w*‘r* too hung o***. #*d wh«n ih* M*r»**i la ••**. o» •h*« w* don't i**( iia* iT. Hr. Id (dll Pag* CdNorJ* Ed Whtx’% n*« editor M#/ytin OomOora. Old N*wa tdlio* *nd I l*N my h***l * l*n Pran*l**o: Tony BonnoU: Spam? f*H*r. OBC* Mt PtW Boto Ctfllor T««N Ov*«IMtS tB*MiBB*"B00B*BO Editor What 4n - tho Hock do#* IM» MopiIki Editor*. Qod/tt'a Hhodan, Oa*tpnatad Editor Ragg-a Jackaon. Copy - ‘ inf from othar papar* Editor Bo** BaftortAj. Maiptng to Copy from ath*» papart Editor Qaaiam Mu«Qomr Mataorotopiat: Jo*n PaH-on-tna Hood By Hanoyt-Comot Wbara'a tt*o Naw« raporlara: loekja«* Otmwtt Arum Pita. Carp Wyatt, wattar Cwkiia, Oreo* Pottuocmt Spo«ta Baportart: High Bad. C*od Hondtnmypantaon. 0*e Oodooa. Store VlAfl rang ^ P*otograp*ore Eugana tdramareatn. Oavtd Oooktoy. TH Cwmpota. Pony Eaat Photo by David P (nwkry Mr. Ed, shown above in a suit and tie. will be the new Editorial pane eilitor for the Harenwter. We here at the Barometer are just tickled pink to have the oppor tunity to work with the greatest talking horse ol all-time. I.ook for his new editorials starting immediately. Mr. Ed came to us with a promise that he would never feed our audience a lot of horse s**t, which we have been acused of in the past.
