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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1982)
IFC approves accidental fleeces resolution By B.R. Ownnose No* Of Vm EmcraM The Incredible Fools Committee approved a resolu tion Wednesday calling for all future Committees to allocate all accidental fleeces to the Sick ening Bar Association, OS TRICH club sports, and Recreation and Intermissions "This is an idea whose time has come,” said IFC member Steve Hairloss, adding that his fellow law students, most of them alleged alcoholics, would certainly join the SB A ‘‘We just have to support bars,” he said "We could have a bartender as president just as we’ve had a peanut farmer and an actor in the past years.” ■'* agree wholeheartedly,'1 said IFC tabler Carstoning Ras cal The SBA can serve as an umbrella organization for Students Working to Investigate Gin, Social Workers’ Intoxicant Givers, a student chapter of Al coholics Anonymous, and other groups, he added SWIG One and SWIG Two, as the first two groups named will be known, are for budding toastmasters and barkeeps serving unemployed welfare workers respectively, Rascal said There are many social workers out of work because of Reaganomics, he added "l m just glad that Jack Dul lard of the OSTRICH Bored came to the meeting today to twist arms on OSTRICH club sports,” said IFC vice-desker Exalted Roman, who said he supported the entire proposal. "I also enjoy golf, especially right after crew," Roman said about club sports. The IFC should support OS TRICH club sports and Recrea tion and Intermissions, because many students are involved, and subsequently injured, in them, Rascal says. Support for inter collegiate athletics, and inter universitiate athletics as well, should be slashed, he added The injuries could serve to justify the student hell center in the future, Rascal said “I’ve only been mad four times in my life and I’m pissed as hell,” he added about the University's desire to remain an athletic supporter. The ASUO Exception would have no objections to such ac tions, said Always Contrary, ASUO president of vice for pro gram consummation. Initial reaction from some members of the Committee, however, was negative. “What would Republicans think?” said IFC member Divid'n Givesome. He said that Repub licans think Recreation and intermissions and club sports, except for golf, as being socialistic and that GOP members will demand full sup port of college football. "Democrats can still follow pro baseball,” Givesome said. “Funding so much athletics is certainly a waste of accidental fleeces for students in Members Interested ‘Nough in Useless Suits,” IFC member Pethy Baloney said. "Potential and current members of MINUS will not vote for any of you in the future if you pass this." The objections of Givesome and Baloney were minimized by fellow IFC members Throbbing Pain and new appointee Steala Chain, before Rascal tallied a 7-0 vote. not the et al. _ orr-ToorrMEws tor a Nuclear Free Future will congregate today in me neareet bomb abetter We'll be discussing ways to halt me vie tout spread ol nuclear weapons including strapping ourselves spread-eagled to nuclear missile warheads designing our own weapons system and blasting me holy bejesus out ot all those aggressive nuclear powers before they get us. and converting me United State s fleet of nuclear-armed submarines Into underwater brothels ■ 31,< Co—*to*' End U S Intervention In the Untted Stelae will meet today to plan a march and rally at the Lane County dump Mts maiesty A L Syzmamac will offer tips on nothing A gay men’s grope group will come together this afternoon at 3 p m on the playing held at Autzen Stadium Please come promptly, and do bring •hare m the tun and games a friend to at y pm to demonstrate the COMEOUIK adaptor ..nil recendy marketed by Atari The electrical unit , deigned ZrT “n°l® ProOr*mmer comes with oral stimulation and heavy petting memory disks LOUDMOUTHS ^ _ Vasenin TransmorgHIcaUon and the Effects on , '8 ,he *°p,C °* 3 lec,ur« by Dr Julius “onehead, University zanyology department today at , ,1,2 p "] na*t ’° m® m,r<J Pabi dish on the left in Room 111. Seif 11 “How to Be a Heterosexual WaWtower is the topic of a lecture today by heana Danse in Room 3. Unfriendly HaB If you 're ugly and you know it and you really want to show it. please attend SEMINARS “ThMtMe Solar Hot Water Systems ' is the topic of a seminar by Nonuk Noww today at high noon wherever we can find some sun The seminar will focus on building a solar hot water collector to heat your ant farm “®tSanaSock: A Beginner*s Guide" is the topic of a seminar today by Ima Greenie, who will explain the wonderful transition in lifestyle you can make by wearing goofy-looking galoshes _ WHATEVERSLEFTOVER nrcrhra a tree load of B.S. today at the noninformation table in the EMU lobby sponsored by Ecancer ***** Th* Reagan Supports will be held Saturday at 6 p m at the Hote-in-The-WaJI Cate Dinner will include rump roast of Reagan, stuffed breast of Stockman and scallops a'la Haig. _ POUCV The Emerald's undies are open to anyone offering drugs, alcohol, money, sex. or rock-n-roll Undies are worn once and they are subject to size limitations They must be black-laced with red hearts and made of an edible material, preferably grape flavored No boxer shorts will be accepted. Also, list a name and phone number on your undies if you 're into gymnastics and can bend over backwards, and the date you can come display your assets at the Emerald Undies with strange stains and unidentifiable odors will not be accepted’ If you have a question, don't call We really could care less DINGLEBERRY FLGGM COUNTY IT £'7«« Then o*. u?. vjhkI could \ftf- vo i \ Tim » VtvH' 'WlY& StST ' help the Classifieds NOT THE CLASSIFIEDS AD POLICY All ads must be paid directly to (tie Not Clas silted Ad Managei to guarantee fast efficient insertions Bribes are appreciated and guaran tee that your ad will be tree ot typograhical errors Otherwise take your chances We reserve the right to change the copy as we see DEAD DUCKS H FOR SALE klung by the neck to insure a npe and gamey flavor Not much meat on the bone, but what s duck Only $ I per duck (free 10 biology students) Get yours now, Easier is almost here' 4 , yard SALE! Bushes $ 50 grass $ 05 a dump, dandelions by the bunch $1 Saturday and Sunday 9 am-5 pm 125 WPM! Grad School Seal Best rates m town^JcImpVid delivery Pizza while-u-wait! 555-5555 41 WE RIP OFF STEREOS. carge selection stereo components, warrant!* ^ckxjed wilt, some Find Spike or OJ sorrx wnere under the Jefferson Street Bridge, c come to our TRUCKLOAD SALE at the Lar county Fairgrounds parking lot 2 a m Frida) Not tha Emerald 4-1 UNWANTED BODY HAIR removed quickly and permanently New hot wan treatment can be used on any part ol the body and the hair will not return when the skin has grown back Bonus fingernail removal will be offered on Monday and Wednesday after noons Irom ?-5 pm Call now, and do away with iktsaghtly body hair and fingernails that only get In the way of a slick you 4-1 Instruction THE 59 MINUTE COURSE IN THINKING with David Hugh-Ben, Friday at 4, Eugene Hotel Riviera Room. $5 Call the Learning Is Easier Than You Think Center tor reservations Credit available thru Wallace School of Com munity Service and Casual Affairs_4-1 HAVE TROUBLE KEEPING A CONVERSATION GOING? The Institute for Conversation can help Begin ning, intermediate and advanced groups form ing now Individual lessons also available Learn how to think on your teat or while reclining In the comfort of your own home Don't walk, run to our office at the corner of Tongue and Cheek 4-1 LEARN TO BE A WINDIES WAITRESS in only 3 months1 Special 3 month seminar now being offered for those interested in a career with Windies Hamburgers. Inc Classes in microphone food announcement will be ot tered as well as french try sacking. Frostie pouring and box checking Those who suc cessfully complete the course are guranteed a blue-striped uniform with matching Windies hat Only senous applicants who size 9 dress need apply _4-d NARCOLEPSY SUPPORT GROUPS form ing. Over S0% who join fall asleep during Brel session Call MS-OOZE night or day. SCHOLARSHIPS AVAILABLE at Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government Applicants must be single, white male, at least 24 years of age and Jewish Applicants with beards and law degrees preferred Some college level teaching exper ience helpful, especially in First Amendment law For application, print or type "I want to learn more about government” on a postcard and mail it to Director of Admissions Harvard University, Cambridge, MA 4-1 QUICK CASH Loving German couple wishes to adopt your child or siblings ages |ust born to four years A child with blue eyes and blonde hair that has demonstrated superior aptitude on intelligence tests is preferred Please send copy of birth registration and photo to Anan Farms. P.0 Box 666, Sao Palo, Brazil 4-1 Dorm Contracts UNIVERSITY INN HOUSING CONTRACT No on# wNI disturb you In Oils luxurious SSffiSSSISr.’SS itu. SSS&S*”'"— JOHN BELUSHI MEMORIAL FOOD FIGHT TODAY! 1 pm IMU Ickbowl Free food provided by IMU THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF GUMBY & POKEY XX-RATED! Two hours ot your tavonty green friend and his favorite horse This Important deals with sooo-homo-pathic relation ship between a man and his horse and a few of their friends LITTLE BO-PEEP who lost her sheep and look out when she finds them' KATE HIPBURN who is up tor 5th Oscar and HENRY FONDUE who is up for Kate Hipburn Brought to you by the EYE FC (They know how to waste your money) 4-1 NOT MAKING LOVE A pleasant way to spend the evening... u ^ RoxWeed My fav the movie's justh tho good - ethpethally those cute guys Placeman Moyer LAWRENCE HALL SATURDAY 7:30 4 0:30 PM Sponsored by the Moral Minority _ 4-1 OUT ON A LEDGE? Suicide isn't all it's cracked up to be DONT JUMP into something until you find out the facts Call the Crisis Invention Center at 485-1000 before it's too late 4-1 MIKE Meet me for a nosh enema KEN___40 USED BOX-SPRING IUDS. Good price, sen insertion Not to be used while sleeping on a waterbed__ 4_t CONTACT HARD $100 SOFT 100% REFUND COMPLETELY SATISFIED We offer contact tor lonely, desparate people If you want a little bit of contact, or a lot of contact, call us at the phone booth on 13th and Hilyard Brought to you by the Full Body Contact Association 4_t hey CUFFY Get keyed for the most awesome "Biggest B " ever! We re so pumped for Friday night Get psyched! You're the most fabulous, cute, tun, and popular little spit-sis on campus Have a real cut 'em up time! XOX LOVE, BfTSY 4_ { LTD ROUTE 14 WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31 S:30 AM We both got on the train at Jefferson Street, exchanged looks and smiles, like a fool I got off at the Eugene Mall You stayed on the bus You’re short, dumpy, with greasy brown hair You had on an army field jacket full of holes I have thick bifocals, red curly hair, a slight moustache and was wearing my father’s red and white checked sports coat The kiss you blew my way knocked the socks off me. Please write University of Oregon, Carson Hall, Box 43. 4-1 Not Page 7 Section B
