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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 21, 1967)
Photo by Bill Johnson HAL KARASEL of California designed this yellow knit suit. The A-line skirt is topped by a double breasted jacket with back belt. Cost is about $45. Wedding Gifts Require Notes The weeks before your wedding will be like Christmas every day —except that you won't have to give any presents in return. The bride’s only responsibility is to acknowledge the gifts as they ar rive, sending a handwritten note of appreciation for each one—in cluding those from relatives of your finance whom you've never met, and from close friends. The wise bride plans her pre wedding schedule to allow time each day for acknowledging and recording wedding presents ns they arrive. As each package is opened, it should be listed im mediately in a record book. Be sure to include a description of the gift, the name and address of the donor, the store from which it came, the date it arrived, and the date your thank-you note was mailed. which Wax Aunt Susan? If you expect to receive a lot of gifts, it’s best to attach a num ber corresponding to the listing on each one—then you’ll know which silver candy dish came from Aunt Susan. Thank you notes should be writ ten in blue or black ink on a good grade of white or off white folded notepapcr. The bride’s name or monogram may be engraved on the notes but her married name or initial should not be used until after the wedding. Deco rated notes and those with "Thank You” or "Mr. and Mrs.” printed on them should not be used for thank-you notes. The important thing to keep in mind when writing your thank you notes is that each person re ceives only one— no matter how many you write. Kach one should sound as warm and personal as you can make it. This is much easier to do if you write a few each day. Don’t Sound Stuffy One way to keep your thank-you notes from sounding stuffy is to picture yourself face to face with the person you’re writing to. You wouldn't say, "I am very grateful for your most exquisite gift” to anyone in person, and such stilted language should nev er be used. Don’t be at raid to sound ex cited. Most people — especially older ones — love being praised because of the unique gift they selected. Refer to the individual gift and th<> use you plan to make of it- -ax much as possible. If it happens to be a "mystery” gift, with a purpose even Ein stein would declare obscure, you can mention its color or material. It is much more gracious to ex press appreciation for a specific "piece of blue glass” or "silver container" than for a vague "love ly gift.” But it’s best not to be too specific if you are not two hun dred per cent sure of the in tended use of the gift. Try to put one thought besides "thank you" in each note. A per sonal touch, such as a comment about the wedding, an invitation to visit, or a reference to your new apartment, should always be included. Duplicate gifts—whether exact ly like or only faint replicas — pose special problems. Although it is an accepted practice for brides to exchange duplicates (even Amy Vanderbilt and Emily Post smile on the procedure) no one likes to think their gift was one of the ones that was "ex changed.” ff the gift can be re turned without the giver being aware of it, go ahead—but you should keep it so Aunt Ellie won't be hurt when she discovers her silver icebucket is missing from your new home. Whatever you do, don’t even think of mention ing duplication or exchange in your thank-you note Those select few who are not offended by ex changes are most often the ones who send money. Damage*! Gifts Damaged gifts should also be handled with great care. If you receive one from a local store, return it on the sly for replace ment If it comes from an out-of town store, write a letter of ex planation and wait for their in structions. Be sure to ask them not to mention the damage to the donor. Some brides who failed to make such a request were most embarrassed to learn that the stores involved did contact the donor after thank you notes with no mention of damage had been mailed. In short, try to make all of your thank-you notes sound as sincere ly appreciative as those for your first and most welcome gifts. In the long run, it's the gesture of giving that's important—not the gift itself Headed for Divorce Man's View of Marriage By STEVE GREEN There are probably those who will say an article on divorce has no place in the Spring Bridal Edition but when you consider that Oregon and California have the highest divorce rates in the nation, any prospective bride should consider herself a prospec tive divorcee, too, and plan her first marriage accordingly. First of all, a girl should con sider exactly why she’s getting married. If you were to ask one of the unfair or opposing sex her reason, she most likely would re spond with three classical reasons —love, happiness, and duty. The latter of the three could mare appropriately be termed s<‘cii"ity but like nationalism, that’s a word that we like to find substitutes for. So we’ll call it duty. Bride Divorcees Practically all prospective bride divorcees (in'this sense, the two words are almo :;t interchangeable) : think they’re in love. Amb-ose Bierce defines the word lave a; “a temporary insanity, cursable by marriage.” Bierce goes on to say that this disease, like gout, is prevalent only among civilized races livin ' under artificial conditions; bar barous nations b-cathing pure ah and eating simple foods enjoy immunity from its revenges. So we can readily see that any marriage based on love — esp'“ cially those that spring from a i University community — are headed for the rocks. For what is more artificial than the atmos phere that surrounds a university community? (and Oregon slab burners and pulp mills certainly ; are not very conducive to pure air). Polluted Atmosphere Once married, half the battle is lost already, for the new bride moves out of the artificial university into the reality of dirty diapers, no more monthly checks from home, a disagreeable part ner . . . and more dirty diapers. Before she knows it. the love dis ease is cured. The only thing re maining is the polluted atmos phere. The second factor as you re member, was happiness. Pfierce defines this as “an agreeable sen sation arising from contemplating the misery of another.” The prospective bride-divorcee can take consolation in the fact that her friends who don’t mar ry are really more miserable than :;he. for they will never know the joy of supporting a husband while he finishes school. They won't have the opportunity of coining home to a cozy “love-nest" after nutting in an eight hour shift as a waitress and being greeted by dirty dishes, laundry, and 3 husband who can’t wait to get out of the house so that she can take care of the brat. Tile more she sees the “misery” of her independent friends, the more she might be inclined to think the grass is greener else where. And that’s a requirement I for a prospective divorcee. Thirdly is the factor that really does make for a successful mar riage. Security, or duty as we call i it in this case, is that which impels us in the direction of profit along the line of desire. A marriage that is founded on duty is usually successful if the prospective bride-divorcee has the foresight to choose a rich hus band, for then everything else fails, money can practically al ways keep two people together. But if the husband gets wise to the fact that all he is is a meal ticket, this could lead to a di vorce, too. Presuming, of course, that it is the husband, not the wife, who has the money. Divorce Court From this, it is easy to see why the prospective bride-divorcee is practically headed down the aisle of the divorce court as soon as a ring is clamped on to her finger. So during her first or “exeri mental” marriage she should plan for the second and the interim period between them. In choosing an area to live, the prospective bride-divorcee should pick a state wncih has strict di vorce lav.'s (alimony, child sup port, etc.). There is no reason whv she should have to go to work during the interim period. When acquiring household good and furniture, buy things of good lasting quality. Chances are the bride-divorcee will get most of j it in the divorce settlement. | Of course, the cardinal rule is ; don’t buy anything engraved! If , the divorcee’s initials were C.H. ! in her first marriage, for instance, it would be very awkward to use ; silverware with those initials en I graved on it in the second mar riage. Someone might think she lifted it from a hotel. Besides, it will be worth more if she wants to pawn it. Plan Children If you must have children, it might be best not to have them until you are sure that the experimental marriage will work. Children always complicate a di vorce and you might have trou ble trapping a second husband if you have an established family. But above all, remember the poor slob has a legal obligation to support you, the bride-divorcee; and when you decide to unload him, don’t let him get out of it cheap. If he has to work harder to pay alimony it will probably be good for him. Besides it might even help to stimulate the econ omy. To the fellows who may be reading this, don’t be too dis appointed. No matter what hap pens, you don’t have a chance anyway. There are only t w o kinds of women: plain women in a wicked league with the devil, and attractive women with wick edness, a league beyond the devil. Etiquette. States Bride Always Gives Wedding May the groom’s family give the wedding? Regardless of the wealth of the groom's family or the modest fi nancial means of the bride's family, it is a rule of etiquette that the bride’s family give the wedding. This maintains the dig nity' and independence of the bride’s parents, whose preroga tive it is to give their daughter the kind of wedding they can afford. The only case in which an ex ception can be made is when the bride has no family. How about wedding gifts dis played? A bride should show her appre ciation for the gifts given her by placing each one in a position of greatest advantage. Very valu able presents are better put in contrast with others of the same quality — or entirely different in character. Colors should be care fully grouped and pieces that jar when together should he placed as far apart as possible. The bride’s mother is the first to select her gown. She should shop promptly and tell the mother of the groom the color of the fab ric and style of the dress chosen. At a formal daytime wedding, both mothers may wear either long or short cocktail dresses. Only after 6 p.m.—the arbitrary hour set for formal evening ceremonies —should they wear traditional evening dresses. Shoulders should, of course, be covered at the church.
