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About Tillamook headlight. (Tillamook, Or.) 1888-1934 | View Entire Issue (April 15, 1909)
TíLLAMOOK HEADLIGHT. APRIL 15, 1909 Cheats Levs. In a delicatessen store on* night when everything was still Two cheeses lingered side by side upon the window sill. He had no arms to hug her with, nor had she lips to kiss. Yet these two cheeses nestled In a state of cheesy bliss. KIDNAPED •OaOaOaQ.O.OOaOaOaOaOaO.u (Copyright, IKS, by American Press Asso elation.] There was to be a double wedding A freckled Gorgonzola, with hair of moldy hue. between Donald Sypbax and Muy With dimples where the rata had been, her rind was baby blue. Southworth, parties of tbe first pi-.rf. Young Edam was a healthy chap, his ■nd Pembroke Hughes and Deila cheeks were fat and red, Hickox, partias of the second part Burvlvor from the cheese mart where his ancestors had bled. Tbe parties of tbe first part had sent out tbelr curds and made all prepara Bald he; "I’m strong for you, my dear. I don’t suppose you care. tions. when they were astonished to I know you're strong for some one, for your fragrance fills the air. laaru that the parties of the leçon 1 you’re sweet enough to eat.” The part bad determined to postpone their I think rest is untold yet, share In tbe ceremony. For some one came Into the store and both of them "was et.’’ What was tbe occasion of this sud —George W. Sutton, Jr., In Puck. den change of program? Tbe truth was (aud the parties of the Professional Advice, first part learned It) tbnt tbe parties of MI declare," saya the housewife, ”1 the secoud part, baviug beard that I don’t know what we are to do when both couples were to be given a hot , round steak costs as much as porter time on tbe wedding night by tbelr 1 house. It is outrageous." friends, concluded they would not only I “Yes, mum," agrees the marketman. escape the Intended attentions by de “What’a a body going to do If this lay. but bate an opportunity to Join In keeps on?” whnt was In store for the Syphax- “I would advise you. mum, that bein’ Southworth pair, The latter couple the case, to eat porterhouse."—New had no choice but to be married on York IJf®. time or retail the invitations. They decided to cotne to the scratch, but to The Tired Bard. put In practice a plan for outwitting When I have naught to write about, the others. As will occur at times, I And It quite the thing to write Miss Southworth’s wedding took About a dozen lines. place In her father's home, shunted nt the end of a long block of stone Wont I likewise And It well enough To use a little guile. houses on one of tbe principal dwelling 'Tie no disgrace to All up space streets of the city. The ceremony was In to take plate at 10 o'clock, and the good old bride and groom gave out that they staircase would take an 11 o'clock train for style! * parts which they declined to mention to —Louisville Courier-Journal. any one whatever. An automobile was to be In waiting to take them to the The Girl and the Curl. There was a little girl. station with a chauffeur they could And she hail a little curt. tniat Impllcl’y, for lie was a brother Which hung In the middle of her forehead. of the groom. When the weather was cold An enthuslastfo number of friends It was Ibvely, I’m told, attended the wedding. Including Mr. But when the mercury In the ther Hughes and Mirs Hlckox. The cere mometer got to flirting with the 98 mony had been |>erft>rrned. tbe bride's mark It took on n resemblance to a health bad been drunk In the supper wet diahrag, and the other little girls room, and the couple went upstairs to who were not partial to curls declared got on wraps preparatory to their de ft looked perfectly horrid.—Chicago parture. A dozen automobiles stood News. ready without, armed with tin horns. The lower hallway was crowded Clothes Wanted. with guests, holding old slippers and W.'r. asked to give, to clothe the very poor. rice, watting for the couple to come when one sees society’s display down and pasa out I'onrldernble time At Yet opera or social rout one’s sure elapsed, and some one liecnme sus The very rich need clothes far more than they! picious. A committee went upstairs —Lippincott's Magazine. nrd after a prolonged search came back with the Information that the Kind of Her. bridal palrhvere not to I m * found. The Caller—I called In answer to yer The merry crowd were not to be cheated entirely of the sport they bad nd. fer a flrat class cook, mum. The Lady (eagerly)—And you want anti Ipated. Bob Southworth, n broth cr of the bride, suggested tfiat a couple the position? The Caller—Not at prlslnt, mum. personate the one that had escaped and asked the Ilughcs-IIlckok couple There’s three other parties ahead Iv If they .would make Hie ride to tlie yez. but I’ll acclpt a three months' op Btatlon tn the automobile Intended for tion on the job wldout any considera the bride and groom. They willingly tion.—Puck. accepted the part and. accompanied by Bob Southworth., who had made tbe suggestion. and his sister Lucia, came down tl>e staircase, received the sbow er of slippers and rice, went out and got Into tbe automobile. Then the mock bridal party rolled away, fol lowed by the other autos, the attend ants tooting the borus and firing roman candles. Now, It appeared from the first that the bridal auto was stronger and fast er than any of the others and pos- lyesed a chauffeur who was lieut on leaving them lietiliiil. lie threaded his way skillfully through tbe streets, not to a railroad station, but to the out skirts of the city, nnd from the out skirts on a couutry road. mock bridal couple enjoyed the Im- menaely. but soon noticed that the fun Was over, for not one of tbe following autos was In sight. Then they liegau think of returning, but the proposi- n was received with a burst of ghter. You're In the hands of tin' rnciny.” Mill Bob Southworth. " Lucia and I hfite you In ebarge, our brother Ned tai'chauffeur, aud we're going to make tills a double wedding after all." “What do you mean?" cried Della ■ k«x. aghast. ■Why. we're making for the Buck- flat m House. There's no way of ling away fmm It after 11 p. in. S no train to get back to town OU j»ou could leave tbe hotel. We're go- ■g to- leave you there together, and •ou CM stay or not, ae you like. We'll live you a parson to hitch you he's I -rovMed for aud waiting and if you lOO't use him there'll be the biggest mlal our set baa known In years." hnd you were In league with lion nd May?" »ey coococtcil the aclmme. They I led through the scuttle In the roof came down and out tbrousU an sv In the block." were going like a hurricane an hour pulled up at their Meanwhile the pair hud ed. Invented plans of escape throw them aside and at last to the conclusion that since they ; -be laughed at it would be better | > laughed at without a scandal ' they reached tbe goal they found >n watttng and all ready for a | Ing. Those In the auto were pre- to return without them when1 consented and were married. In their abductors to be their wed The Stand's Reply. » The Umbrella unfolded to And said, "Keeping lent I Bald I, "That old joke Ought to make you go And It made him shut up. —Baltimore me will be.” choke." as you see. Am.rtc*., Very Adaptable, "The automobile Is a great lnstltu- tlon." "For Instance?" “You can sit up In It as you pass a friend and crawl under it when a creditor heaves into sight.”—Washing ton Herald. Ths Boarding Houss Fish Caks. I hall you. dear, famutar friend. Nor use a single dash. TUI lent has come unto an end You’ll drive away the hash. —New York Telegram. The Earners. “I never read of any millionaire who can afford to be recklessly and foolish ly extravagant,” aaya Mr. Tankaway. “without thinking what a lot of people must work for him for less than they ought to get."—Kansas City Times. Have Yau? We’ve seen at times the model wife And the model husband, too. But these models to each other wed We've never seen. Have you? —Boston Transcript. On Flight. Boy—I want to buy some paper. Sa lesina d —What kind of paper, my lad? Boy—Fly paper. It’e for a toy aero plane.—Sc. Nicholas Magazine. Where Is One At? To lose one’s heart when one's In love Must make one feel forlorn. And then to lose one’s head as well. One’s pretty much sll gone -Boston Herald Her Way. Grace—How do you manage to make your husband spend all his evenings at borne? Maud—I manage to spend all hla money,—Town Topics, Th* Organ Grinder. Tou find, though every one assaults. He's one among the many. Deeplte his most annoying faults. Ho turns an honest penny -St. Ix>ul8 Post-Dtapateh. Willing to Bo Tardy. Bunday School Teacher-Don't yon want to be an angel. Tommy? r further deliberation they decld | Tommy—! ain't In no hurry; the Io face the crowd of merrymak- baseball season's cornin' pretty soon — had left and spent tbe bridal Judge t tbe Buckingham ’be party In the automobile re-1 h the house. where dancing Bag were In progress. aud an- the aVcond bait of the double tbe bouse was made to ring, proposed to take automo- Its Sphere. go to the Buckingham, but May a thing be «aid to be In literary I would not consent. KLAIDE RUTH HILL. ! circles when It la going the rounds of the press?—Browning's Magatlne. At Cedarcrest. When the robins pipe In the morning breeze and the beets bang ripe on the pumpkin trees, wben tbe chickens squall in tbelr chilly shed, then 1 bate to crawl from my nice, warm bed! Wben a snowy shroud la on dune and tarn and tbe mules bray loud In tbe sbackly barn, wben tbe snowbirds flit In tbe leaaees grove and tbe fire's unlit In tbe kitchen stove, when tbe hy drant's froze, like the babbling creek, then I'd like to doze for about a week! —Walt Mason In Emporia Gazette. Germinitis Kissinitis. SWEETHEARTS’ KISS DELIGHT OF GERMS. PHYSICIAN AS8ERT8 Woman Doctor of Philadelphia Sees Them Chasing In Gleeful Abandon From Lip to Lip—Grave Danger Observed In Lov ers’ Soulful Smack —Press Clipping. Take back the germs that thou gavest. What are their antics to me? Take back the creatures thou craveot. Each that belongeth to thee. Perish pernicious profusion Of microbes that mingle with glee! Love's dear, delicious delusion Quite hygienic must be. — Lippincott's Magazine. Other Men’s Wives. “Whst a pretty party tbls la!” »he ■aid as she looked around tbe beauti ful room at tbe pretty women sitting on the long divans against tbe wall. “And these are your wives? Aren't they sweetA Isn’t it lovely?” "Yea,” he admitted, “but yon ought to have been at onr party last month wben we had a lot of other fellows’ wives It was a whole lot lovelier.”— New York Press. I wonder where the thoughts come from. The sudden little thoughts that come And pop into my head! They’re not a part of me at all. They won't come sometimes when I call. But sulk away instead. And then sometimes when I don’t care All of a sudden—pop!—they’re there. I don't know how they came. Papa says p'r'ops I’ll know some day, But grown folks always talk that way. I wonder just the same. -New York Herald. ■When saucy eyes look into yours. And rose red lips look teasy. And a wee hand is near your own. A little hand and squeezy; ’ And a pink tinted little ear Peeps out through golden tresses, Then what’s a man supposed to do? No true man needs two guesses. —Houston Post. Its Advantages. "Yes,” remarked the beauty doctor contentedly, “there are some good features about my business. For In stance. I always take people nt tbelr face value.”—Baltimore American. Br’er 8parrow Exonerated. Who killed Cock Robin? ’’Not I,” said the Sparrow, “For my bow and arrow Is far out of date. But a wireless, they say. Hit poor Robin today. And that’s how he met his fate.” —Detroit Tribune. Generally Led. “You act as your wife’s lending man. I believe." began the interviewer. “Yes," replied the husband of the star. “But." he added, “only on the stage."—Philadelphia Ledger. Suffragette. Each suffragette This thought should get Into her head's Interior: Man’s equal she Can never lie Till no more hie superior. —Detroit Free Press. Bargains. Scott—I suppose you are saving up something for a rainy day? Mott—I try to, but my wife mistakes every bargain sale for a sbower.—Bos ton Transcript. Hair 8hirt Dramas. Don’t stran the theaters for your sine. But go quite often during Lent. Bit through the whole and watch the stage And you'll be more than penitent. —New York Pres« One Shortage. "Yea. he Is my ideal of a perfect man." "Perfect? But he iaa't. He hai no appendix."—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Explorers. Explorers In the arctic seas Phone linemen should enroll. Because, yeu know, with perfect ease They go from polo to pole. —Kansas City Times. Its Similarity. “Can yon tell me why poverty la like a policeman?“ “Not unless It Is because it pinches people.“—Baltimore American. The Unlucky Oyster. The oyster Is cool and clear and calm. Admired by the many and not the few. Tet. sorry to say, possesses a way Of getting himself In a etew. — Boston Herald. Assumed. “Clothes don’t show a man’s real character.* “No: they’re just put on."-Cleveland Leader Comparative Values. Th. hot pursuit of money breeds Ideas meet unsound Till one cares lees for noble deeds Than those to plots of ground - Houston Post Last. Knicker—All the world’s a atage. Böcker-Thru there wUl be two end Wen Instead of one.—Puck. II 1 ~ - Can yon affotd to be without fire insurance and the Heavy Loss to you. The fair Priscilla eats no meat. She dines upon a crust of toast. She does not drive along the street; She walks more miles than she can bout. And thus she goes her dally rounds In patience futlng. What’s the use? Priscilla weighs two hundred pounds And says she simply must reduce —Chicago Evening Post. Flour Has Advanced The Lenten Fast. Madge but very seldom misses Chapel services In Lent,. While In seasons such as this Is I must bide at home content. Yet for one or two things, maybe, Madge will credit me—at last I have learned to hold the baby And likewise the Lenten fast. —Woman’s Home Companion. We vow he's true— She's "dear" to you When a sleigh for two Costs five cold plunks per hour. —Chicago News. in Pnce. We Have a Good Supply of Hard Wheat Flour on hand, our friends and customers get the benefit. H a RD WHEAT FLOUR. Lighthouse Brand $5.10 a bl, $ 1.30 sk Flour, Best on Earth. Snow Drift Flour $5.65 a bbl, $1*45 a sk 100 lbs. Best Granuated SUGAR, $5.40 ask. Buhl Milk Cans A Tip. Dusty Rhodes—I wouldn't have to ask for help, but I’ve a lot of real es tate on me bands that I can't get rid Tragedy. of. Mamma—Oh, George. George! Our Mrs. Rurall—Try soft soap and daughter has eloped with the chauf Ing water.—New York Life. feur. Papa—Great heavens! Now, who’s No Exaggeration. going to drive me to the office this "The dearest girl Is the sleighing girl," morning?—Cleveland Leader. Writes a poet, and by all power Not Ever. III] . ._________ Let Me Write you a Policy.RXJLUE* BATSON SAFETY, RELIABILITY and QUICK ADJUSTMENT. Priscilla Fasts. The fair Priscilla fasts through Lent No devotee before a shrine Nor seeker on perfection bent Shows such determination Ane. Dressed For the Concert. Heinrich Conried was telling how bad the old fashioned concerts were sometimes. “An old Chicago million A Wise Woman. aire,” he said, "called upstairs to his “Mrs. Frost alwayB chooses a cross daughters: eyed nursemaid.” “ ‘What a time you girls take getting “Why is that?” ready for the concert! Look at me—a “So wben the girl has one eye on tbe bit of wadding In eacb ear, and I'm all policeman she can have tbe other ou ready.'"—Success Magazine. the children.”—New York Life. I Wonder. Come in and See Me About Insurance. $2.50 WM. CURTISS, The Grain Man, Tyler Building. Pacific Navigation Co’s. STEAMER SUE H. ELMORE, Immune. Tommy—You better look out if your mother's got the mumps; they’re catch ing. Bobby—Oh, she’s only my step- mother; she wouldn’t give me any- thing.—New York Times. The ONLY Freight and PASSENGER Boat making regular trips between TILLAMOOK AND PORTLAND. Not Inside, but Outsids. There was an old lady from Tyre Whose auto got stuck in the mire. Said the village’s fool, “If ‘twas only a mule You might start it by building a fire.” —Philadelphia Ledger. FREIGHT, $3.00 PER TON Ths Real 8eason For It. "In the spring a young man's fancy,” tbe poet declares. But he ought to see him in the summer down by tbe sea side on the hotel piazza! That’s the time a young man’s fancy ¡—Brown ing’s Magazine. CHEESE, Tillamook to Portland' Tuuins, 122 Cents per Gase. Trips, 15 „ 99 Winter Tale. He thought that with precision nice He’d hop the moving car. But, ah, the step was caked with tee! (’Tie thought 'twill leave a scar.) —Kansas City Times. F. P. BAUMGARTNER, Agent Couch Street Dock, Portland, Oregon. B. C. LAMB, Agent, Tillamook, Oregon. H.r Pies. ‘1 nee." said the country girl at the department store, “that here on this sign It says this elevator Is for ‘hats, feathers and flowers,' but may 1 go up in It, too, if you please?”—New York Press. Now is the time to invest in Tillamook property. Values will double in a few years. W. E. Catterlin. Harry Sharp. Power In Small Things. Little pens of metal. Little drops of ink. Make the grafter tremble. Make the people think. —Chicago News. Poor Henryl “Henry, sometimes I'm sorry you are not a sailor.” "But sailors are away from home so much of the time.” "Yea.”—Smart Set. Truth In a Nutshell. No man j-ou'tl know by outward show Even If he does attract. Tou cannot tell what's in the shell Until the nut Is cracked. —St. Louis Republic. Ding! Ee—Anna, dear, you're the belle of my heart. She—Well, wouldn't you like to give your belle a i ring, Gawgle, dear’—New York Herald. Thera Are Exceptions. Some necessary things, you'll note Can never be done by rule— You can't learn how to milk a goat At a correspondence school. —Chicago Tribune Can't Borrow everything. Riggs- Bbortlelgh la a cheerful cbap; never borrows trouble. Diggs- Oh. well. I suppose be has to draw the line somewhere-Detroit Tribune. Rubbing It In. Our shallowness Is seen. Is there anything on earth can rack Your nervous system more Than to lie awake for hours and hear Borne other fellow snore? -Kansas City Times CATTERLIN & SHARP, Real Estate Agents. Main Street, Tillamook City, op.1 Larsen House. MASONIC LODGE, No. 57, meets on third Satur day of each month For Réal Estate, in - 8BE- - I O O F. Hall, at 7;30 p in. F rank S everance , W.M. w E rwin H arrison , Sec. BAY CITY. OREGON. DR A. D. PERKINS, RESIDENT DENTIST. J THE POET SAYS Office in Sturgeon's Building. “ He»u<y dram na by » single hair.” All Work Guaranteed. TILLAMOOK. This seems like something of OREGON ! I J. R. HARTER, Real Estate and Financial Agent Insurance. ■ OFFICE: TILLAMOOK HOTEL oent, unlessaa a eurioaity. People to look their beat need hnir, they need all they ever have. If the hair begins to go it is time to use Thi« preparation eaves hair. It stimulates the hair bulla, cleans ll»e scalp of dandruff or eruptions, »"'1 promotes new growth. Try it now. Price 50c. and 11.0» a bottle. of Mill Creek, ird.7;. M" 50c. an exageration- on the part of the poet, if at least does not apply to men. The man with a single hair would not draw worth a IMPERIAL hair tonic . He Got What He Needed. 11. I lough • drug store. c. TROMBLEY. ’ I 1 CHAS. I. CLOUGH CO., Reliable Draggists and Preacripiion Bsperts.
