TíLLAMOOK HEADLIGHT. APRIL 15, 1909
Cheats Levs.
In a delicatessen store on* night when
everything was still
Two cheeses lingered side by side upon
the window sill.
He had no arms to hug her with, nor
had she lips to kiss.
Yet these two cheeses nestled In a state of
cheesy bliss.
KIDNAPED
•OaOaOaQ.O.OOaOaOaOaOaO.u
(Copyright, IKS, by American Press Asso
elation.]
There was to be a double wedding A freckled Gorgonzola, with hair of moldy
hue.
between Donald Sypbax and Muy With dimples where the rata had been,
her rind was baby blue.
Southworth, parties of tbe first pi-.rf.
Young Edam was a healthy chap, his
■nd Pembroke Hughes and Deila
cheeks were fat and red,
Hickox, partias of the second part Burvlvor from the cheese mart where his
ancestors had bled.
Tbe parties of tbe first part had sent
out tbelr curds and made all prepara Bald he; "I’m strong for you, my dear. I
don’t suppose you care.
tions. when they were astonished to I know you're strong for some one, for
your fragrance fills the air.
laaru that the parties of the leçon 1
you’re sweet enough to eat.” The
part bad determined to postpone their I think
rest is untold yet,
share In tbe ceremony.
For some one came Into the store and
both of them "was et.’’
What was tbe occasion of this sud
—George W. Sutton, Jr., In Puck.
den change of program?
Tbe truth was (aud the parties of the
Professional Advice,
first part learned It) tbnt tbe parties of
MI declare," saya the housewife, ”1
the secoud part, baviug beard that I
don’t know what we are to do when
both couples were to be given a hot ,
round steak costs as much as porter
time on tbe wedding night by tbelr 1
house. It is outrageous."
friends, concluded they would not only I
“Yes, mum," agrees the marketman.
escape the Intended attentions by de
“What’a a body going to do If this
lay. but bate an opportunity to Join In
keeps on?”
whnt was In store for the Syphax-
“I would advise you. mum, that bein’
Southworth pair, The latter couple
the case, to eat porterhouse."—New
had no choice but to be married on
York IJf®.
time or retail the invitations. They
decided to cotne to the scratch, but to
The Tired Bard.
put In practice a plan for outwitting
When I have naught to write about,
the others.
As will occur at times,
I And It quite the thing to write
Miss Southworth’s wedding took
About a dozen lines.
place In her father's home, shunted nt
the end of a long block of stone Wont
I likewise And It well enough
To use a little guile.
houses on one of tbe principal dwelling
'Tie no disgrace to All up space
streets of the city. The ceremony was
In
to take plate at 10 o'clock, and the
good
old
bride and groom gave out that they
staircase
would take an 11 o'clock train for
style!
*
parts which they declined to mention to
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
any one whatever. An automobile was
to be In waiting to take them to the
The Girl and the Curl.
There was a little girl.
station with a chauffeur they could
And she hail a little curt.
tniat Impllcl’y, for lie was a brother
Which hung In the middle of her forehead.
of the groom.
When the weather was cold
An enthuslastfo number of friends
It was Ibvely, I’m told,
attended the wedding. Including Mr.
But when the mercury In the ther
Hughes and Mirs Hlckox. The cere mometer got to flirting with the 98
mony had been |>erft>rrned. tbe bride's mark It took on n resemblance to a
health bad been drunk In the supper wet diahrag, and the other little girls
room, and the couple went upstairs to who were not partial to curls declared
got on wraps preparatory to their de ft looked perfectly horrid.—Chicago
parture. A dozen automobiles stood News.
ready without, armed with tin horns.
The lower hallway was crowded
Clothes Wanted.
with guests, holding old slippers and W.'r. asked to give, to clothe the very
poor.
rice, watting for the couple to come
when one sees society’s display
down and pasa out I'onrldernble time At Yet
opera or social rout one’s sure
elapsed, and some one liecnme sus
The very rich need clothes far more
than they!
picious. A committee went upstairs
—Lippincott's Magazine.
nrd after a prolonged search came
back with the Information that the
Kind of Her.
bridal palrhvere not to I m * found.
The Caller—I called In answer to yer
The merry crowd were not to be
cheated entirely of the sport they bad nd. fer a flrat class cook, mum.
The Lady (eagerly)—And you want
anti Ipated. Bob Southworth, n broth
cr of the bride, suggested tfiat a couple the position?
The Caller—Not at prlslnt, mum.
personate the one that had escaped
and asked the Ilughcs-IIlckok couple There’s three other parties ahead Iv
If they .would make Hie ride to tlie yez. but I’ll acclpt a three months' op
Btatlon tn the automobile Intended for tion on the job wldout any considera
the bride and groom. They willingly tion.—Puck.
accepted the part and. accompanied by
Bob Southworth., who had made tbe
suggestion. and his sister Lucia, came
down tl>e staircase, received the sbow
er of slippers and rice, went out and
got Into tbe automobile.
Then the
mock bridal party rolled away, fol
lowed by the other autos, the attend
ants tooting the borus and firing roman
candles.
Now, It appeared from the first that
the bridal auto was stronger and fast
er than any of the others and pos-
lyesed a chauffeur who was lieut on
leaving them lietiliiil. lie threaded his
way skillfully through tbe streets, not
to a railroad station, but to the out
skirts of the city, nnd from the out
skirts on a couutry road.
mock
bridal couple enjoyed the
Im-
menaely. but soon noticed that the fun
Was over, for not one of tbe following
autos was In sight. Then they liegau
think of returning, but the proposi-
n was received with a burst of
ghter.
You're In the hands of tin' rnciny.”
Mill Bob Southworth. " Lucia and I
hfite you In ebarge, our brother Ned
tai'chauffeur, aud we're going to make
tills a double wedding after all."
“What do you mean?" cried Della
■ k«x. aghast.
■Why. we're making for the Buck-
flat m House. There's no way of
ling away fmm It after 11 p. in.
S no train to get back to town OU
j»ou could leave tbe hotel. We're go-
■g to- leave you there together, and
•ou CM stay or not, ae you like. We'll
live you a parson to hitch you he's I
-rovMed for aud waiting and if you
lOO't use him there'll be the biggest
mlal our set baa known In years."
hnd you were In league with lion
nd May?"
»ey coococtcil the aclmme. They I
led through the scuttle In the roof
came down and out tbrousU an
sv In the block."
were going like a hurricane
an hour pulled up at their
Meanwhile the pair hud
ed. Invented plans of escape
throw them aside and at last
to the conclusion that since they ;
-be laughed at it would be better |
> laughed at without a scandal '
they reached tbe goal they found
>n watttng and all ready for a |
Ing. Those In the auto were pre-
to return without them when1
consented and were married. In
their abductors to be their wed
The Stand's Reply.
»
The Umbrella unfolded to
And said, "Keeping lent I
Bald I, "That old joke
Ought to make you go
And It made him shut up.
—Baltimore
me
will be.”
choke."
as you see.
Am.rtc*.,
Very Adaptable,
"The automobile Is a great lnstltu-
tlon."
"For Instance?"
“You can sit up In It as you pass a
friend and crawl under it when a
creditor heaves into sight.”—Washing
ton Herald.
Ths Boarding Houss Fish Caks.
I hall you. dear, famutar friend.
Nor use a single dash.
TUI lent has come unto an end
You’ll drive away the hash.
—New York Telegram.
The Earners.
“I never read of any millionaire who
can afford to be recklessly and foolish
ly extravagant,” aaya Mr. Tankaway.
“without thinking what a lot of people
must work for him for less than they
ought to get."—Kansas City Times.
Have Yau?
We’ve seen at times the model wife
And the model husband, too.
But these models to each other wed
We've never seen. Have you?
—Boston Transcript.
On Flight.
Boy—I want to buy some paper.
Sa lesina d —What kind of paper, my
lad?
Boy—Fly paper. It’e for a toy aero
plane.—Sc. Nicholas Magazine.
Where Is One At?
To lose one’s heart when one's In love
Must make one feel forlorn.
And then to lose one’s head as well.
One’s pretty much sll gone
-Boston Herald
Her Way.
Grace—How do you manage to make
your husband spend all his evenings
at borne?
Maud—I manage to spend all hla
money,—Town Topics,
Th* Organ Grinder.
Tou find, though every one assaults.
He's one among the many.
Deeplte his most annoying faults.
Ho turns an honest penny
-St. Ix>ul8 Post-Dtapateh.
Willing to Bo Tardy.
Bunday School Teacher-Don't yon
want to be an angel. Tommy?
r further deliberation they decld | Tommy—! ain't In no hurry; the
Io face the crowd of merrymak- baseball season's cornin' pretty soon —
had left and spent tbe bridal Judge
t tbe Buckingham
’be party In the automobile re-1
h the house. where dancing
Bag were In progress. aud an-
the aVcond bait of the double
tbe bouse was made to ring,
proposed to take automo-
Its Sphere.
go to the Buckingham, but
May a thing be «aid to be In literary
I would not consent.
KLAIDE RUTH HILL. ! circles when It la going the rounds of
the press?—Browning's Magatlne.
At Cedarcrest.
When the robins pipe In the morning
breeze and the beets bang ripe on the
pumpkin trees, wben tbe chickens
squall in tbelr chilly shed, then 1 bate
to crawl from my nice, warm bed!
Wben a snowy shroud la on dune and
tarn and tbe mules bray loud In tbe
sbackly barn, wben tbe snowbirds flit
In tbe leaaees grove and tbe fire's unlit
In tbe kitchen stove, when tbe hy
drant's froze, like the babbling creek,
then I'd like to doze for about a week!
—Walt Mason In Emporia Gazette.
Germinitis Kissinitis.
SWEETHEARTS’ KISS
DELIGHT OF GERMS.
PHYSICIAN AS8ERT8
Woman Doctor of Philadelphia Sees Them
Chasing In Gleeful Abandon From Lip
to Lip—Grave Danger Observed In Lov
ers’ Soulful Smack —Press Clipping.
Take back the germs that thou gavest.
What are their antics to me?
Take back the creatures thou craveot.
Each that belongeth to thee.
Perish pernicious profusion
Of microbes that mingle with glee!
Love's dear, delicious delusion
Quite hygienic must be.
— Lippincott's Magazine.
Other Men’s Wives.
“Whst a pretty party tbls la!” »he
■aid as she looked around tbe beauti
ful room at tbe pretty women sitting
on the long divans against tbe wall.
“And these are your wives? Aren't
they sweetA Isn’t it lovely?”
"Yea,” he admitted, “but yon ought
to have been at onr party last month
wben we had a lot of other fellows’
wives It was a whole lot lovelier.”—
New York Press.
I wonder where the thoughts come from.
The sudden little thoughts that come
And pop into my head!
They’re not a part of me at all.
They won't come sometimes when I call.
But sulk away instead.
And then sometimes when I don’t care
All of a sudden—pop!—they’re there.
I don't know how they came.
Papa says p'r'ops I’ll know some day,
But grown folks always talk that way.
I wonder just the same.
-New York Herald.
■When saucy eyes look into yours.
And rose red lips look teasy.
And a wee hand is near your own.
A little hand and squeezy; ’
And a pink tinted little ear
Peeps out through golden tresses,
Then what’s a man supposed to do?
No true man needs two guesses.
—Houston Post.
Its Advantages.
"Yes,” remarked the beauty doctor
contentedly, “there are some good
features about my business. For In
stance. I always take people nt tbelr
face value.”—Baltimore American.
Br’er 8parrow Exonerated.
Who killed Cock Robin?
’’Not I,” said the Sparrow,
“For my bow and arrow
Is far out of date.
But a wireless, they say.
Hit poor Robin today.
And that’s how he met his fate.”
—Detroit Tribune.
Generally Led.
“You act as your wife’s lending man.
I believe." began the interviewer.
“Yes," replied the husband of the
star. “But." he added, “only on the
stage."—Philadelphia Ledger.
Suffragette.
Each suffragette
This thought should get
Into her head's Interior:
Man’s equal she
Can never lie
Till no more hie superior.
—Detroit Free Press.
Bargains.
Scott—I suppose you are saving up
something for a rainy day?
Mott—I try to, but my wife mistakes
every bargain sale for a sbower.—Bos
ton Transcript.
Hair 8hirt Dramas.
Don’t stran the theaters for your sine.
But go quite often during Lent.
Bit through the whole and watch the
stage
And you'll be more than penitent.
—New York Pres«
One Shortage.
"Yea. he Is my ideal of a perfect
man."
"Perfect? But he iaa't. He hai no
appendix."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Explorers.
Explorers In the arctic seas
Phone linemen should enroll.
Because, yeu know, with perfect ease
They go from polo to pole.
—Kansas City Times.
Its Similarity.
“Can yon tell me why poverty la like
a policeman?“
“Not unless It Is because it pinches
people.“—Baltimore American.
The Unlucky Oyster.
The oyster Is cool and clear and calm.
Admired by the many and not the few.
Tet. sorry to say, possesses a way
Of getting himself In a etew.
— Boston Herald.
Assumed.
“Clothes don’t show a man’s real
character.*
“No: they’re just put on."-Cleveland
Leader
Comparative Values.
Th. hot pursuit of money breeds
Ideas meet unsound
Till one cares lees for noble deeds
Than those to plots of ground
- Houston Post
Last.
Knicker—All the world’s a atage.
Böcker-Thru there wUl be two end
Wen Instead of one.—Puck.
II
1
~
-
Can yon affotd to be without
fire insurance
and the Heavy Loss to you.
The fair Priscilla eats no meat.
She dines upon a crust of toast.
She does not drive along the street;
She walks more miles than she can
bout.
And thus she goes her dally rounds
In patience futlng. What’s the use?
Priscilla weighs two hundred pounds
And says she simply must reduce
—Chicago Evening Post.
Flour Has Advanced
The Lenten Fast.
Madge but very seldom misses
Chapel services In Lent,.
While In seasons such as this Is
I must bide at home content.
Yet for one or two things, maybe,
Madge will credit me—at last
I have learned to hold the baby
And likewise the Lenten fast.
—Woman’s Home Companion.
We vow he's true—
She's "dear" to you
When a sleigh for two
Costs five cold plunks per hour.
—Chicago News.
in Pnce.
We Have a Good Supply of Hard
Wheat Flour on hand, our friends
and customers get the benefit.
H a RD WHEAT FLOUR.
Lighthouse Brand $5.10 a bl, $ 1.30 sk
Flour, Best on Earth.
Snow Drift Flour $5.65 a bbl, $1*45 a sk
100 lbs. Best Granuated
SUGAR, $5.40 ask.
Buhl Milk Cans
A Tip.
Dusty Rhodes—I wouldn't have to
ask for help, but I’ve a lot of real es
tate on me bands that I can't get rid
Tragedy.
of.
Mamma—Oh, George. George! Our
Mrs. Rurall—Try soft soap and
daughter has eloped with the chauf
Ing water.—New York Life.
feur.
Papa—Great heavens! Now, who’s
No Exaggeration.
going to drive me to the office this
"The dearest girl Is the sleighing girl,"
morning?—Cleveland Leader.
Writes a poet, and by all power
Not Ever.
III] .
._________
Let Me Write you a Policy.RXJLUE* BATSON
SAFETY, RELIABILITY and QUICK
ADJUSTMENT.
Priscilla Fasts.
The fair Priscilla fasts through Lent
No devotee before a shrine
Nor seeker on perfection bent
Shows such determination Ane.
Dressed For the Concert.
Heinrich Conried was telling how
bad the old fashioned concerts were
sometimes. “An old Chicago million
A Wise Woman.
aire,” he said, "called upstairs to his
“Mrs. Frost alwayB chooses a cross daughters:
eyed nursemaid.”
“ ‘What a time you girls take getting
“Why is that?”
ready for the concert! Look at me—a
“So wben the girl has one eye on tbe bit of wadding In eacb ear, and I'm all
policeman she can have tbe other ou ready.'"—Success Magazine.
the children.”—New York Life.
I Wonder.
Come in and See Me About Insurance.
$2.50
WM. CURTISS, The Grain Man,
Tyler Building.
Pacific Navigation Co’s.
STEAMER SUE H. ELMORE,
Immune.
Tommy—You better look out if your
mother's got the mumps; they’re catch
ing.
Bobby—Oh, she’s only my step-
mother; she wouldn’t give me any-
thing.—New York Times.
The ONLY Freight and
PASSENGER
Boat making regular trips between
TILLAMOOK AND PORTLAND.
Not Inside, but Outsids.
There was an old lady from Tyre
Whose auto got stuck in the mire.
Said the village’s fool,
“If ‘twas only a mule
You might start it by building a fire.”
—Philadelphia Ledger.
FREIGHT, $3.00 PER TON
Ths Real 8eason For It.
"In the spring a young man's fancy,”
tbe poet declares. But he ought to see
him in the summer down by tbe sea
side on the hotel piazza! That’s the
time a young man’s fancy ¡—Brown
ing’s Magazine.
CHEESE, Tillamook to Portland'
Tuuins, 122 Cents per Gase.
Trips, 15
„
99
Winter Tale.
He thought that with precision nice
He’d hop the moving car.
But, ah, the step was caked with tee!
(’Tie thought 'twill leave a scar.)
—Kansas City Times.
F. P. BAUMGARTNER, Agent Couch Street Dock, Portland, Oregon.
B. C. LAMB, Agent, Tillamook, Oregon.
H.r Pies.
‘1 nee." said the country girl at the
department store, “that here on this
sign It says this elevator Is for ‘hats,
feathers and flowers,' but may 1 go up
in It, too, if you please?”—New York
Press.
Now is the time to invest in Tillamook property.
Values will double in a few years.
W. E. Catterlin.
Harry Sharp.
Power In Small Things.
Little pens of metal.
Little drops of ink.
Make the grafter tremble.
Make the people think.
—Chicago News.
Poor Henryl
“Henry, sometimes I'm sorry you are
not a sailor.”
"But sailors are away from home so
much of the time.”
"Yea.”—Smart Set.
Truth In a Nutshell.
No man j-ou'tl know by outward show
Even If he does attract.
Tou cannot tell what's in the shell
Until the nut Is cracked.
—St. Louis Republic.
Ding!
Ee—Anna, dear, you're the belle of
my heart.
She—Well, wouldn't you like to give
your belle a i ring, Gawgle, dear’—New
York Herald.
Thera Are Exceptions.
Some necessary things, you'll note
Can never be done by rule—
You can't learn how to milk a goat
At a correspondence school.
—Chicago Tribune
Can't Borrow everything.
Riggs- Bbortlelgh la a cheerful cbap;
never borrows trouble.
Diggs- Oh. well. I suppose be has to
draw the line somewhere-Detroit
Tribune.
Rubbing It In.
Our shallowness Is seen.
Is there anything on earth can rack
Your nervous system more
Than to lie awake for hours and hear
Borne other fellow snore?
-Kansas City Times
CATTERLIN & SHARP,
Real Estate Agents.
Main Street, Tillamook City, op.1 Larsen House.
MASONIC
LODGE,
No. 57, meets on third Satur
day
of
each
month
For Réal Estate,
in
- 8BE- -
I O O F. Hall, at 7;30 p in.
F rank S everance , W.M.
w
E rwin H arrison , Sec.
BAY CITY. OREGON.
DR A. D. PERKINS,
RESIDENT DENTIST.
J THE POET SAYS
Office in Sturgeon's Building.
“ He»u<y dram na
by » single hair.”
All Work Guaranteed.
TILLAMOOK.
This seems like something of
OREGON
!
I
J. R. HARTER,
Real Estate and
Financial Agent
Insurance. ■
OFFICE: TILLAMOOK HOTEL
oent, unlessaa a eurioaity.
People to look their beat need
hnir, they need all they ever
have. If the hair begins to go it
is time to use
Thi« preparation eaves hair. It
stimulates the hair bulla, cleans
ll»e scalp of dandruff or eruptions,
»"'1 promotes new growth. Try
it now.
Price 50c. and 11.0» a bottle.
of Mill Creek, ird.7;. M"
50c.
an exageration- on the part of the
poet, if at least does not apply to
men. The man with a single
hair would not draw worth a
IMPERIAL hair tonic .
He Got What He Needed.
11. I lough • drug store.
c. TROMBLEY.
’ I
1
CHAS. I. CLOUGH CO.,
Reliable Draggists
and Preacripiion Bsperts.