Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989, March 23, 1961, Image 26

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Medford mail tribune., March 23, 1961, Image 26

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Newspaper Page TextTHURSDAY, MARCH 23. 1961 C 9 Try and Stop Me -By BENNETT CERF- MEDFORD MAIL TRIBUNE. MEDFORD. ORE. TTERK .THEY ARE: Al 1. "I will now play the Hungarian Rhapsody by Gou lash." "Goulash is a stew." "So he drinks! Who cares? He writes swell music." 2. Susan Platz told the plastic surgeon she want ed a "turned up" nose. The doctor turned it up a trifle too far. Now every time Susan sneezes, she blows her hat off. 3. Another gem of un dergraduate wit: Zeta: Why did you take up the piano? Kappa: The beer mugs kept sliding off my violin. m Herb Ellefson heard his small son tell a friend an grily, "Say, that tongue twister you told me turned out to be also a mouth soaper!" The same bright youngster came home from a neighboring lad's birthday shindig and reported, "that waa one swell party! I'm sick as a dog!" 1961, by Bennett Ccrf. Distributed by King Features Syndicate In the Day's News By FRANK JENKINS Government economy note: Postmaster General Day says in Washington he won't restore twicc-a-day mail de livery. He has two reasons: 1. He doesn't want to. 2. Congress tells him he can't have the 176 million dollars a year it would cost. That's what might be called a meeting of minds. A lot of us taxpayers out in the brush wish there could be more such meetings. rpHIS modern world nolo: In one of our big Mid Western cities the other day an unemployed worker was caught trying to put phony quarters in a juke box to gel himself a little music to cheer his day. He was arrested and charged with possessing coun terfeit money. When he came up for trial, he testified lhat on Feb. 28 he drew a SSO relief check, cashed it and made a round of the neighborhood taverns. In the course of his round, he said, he probably picked up a couple of bogus quarters without noticing it. Anyway, he testified, he didn't know he was pushing counterfeit money. THE jury found him guilty. Court officials estimated the cost of the case, including indictment, incarceration and trial, ran somewhere between S750 and S2.Q0Q. This estimate upset the judge, who remark ed: "I, personally, don't un derstand why such a case was presented to the grand jury." He then sentenced the cul prit to ONE HOUR in the custody of the U. S. marshal. COMMENT? Let's go along with Se neca, the Latin Stoic philos opher, who wrote about 2.000 years ago in his epistles: "What fools these mortals be!" The line was so good that some 1.500 years later Wil liam Shakespeare picked it up (inadvertently, lot us assume) and put it in the mouth of Puck in "A Midsummer Night's Dream." He added one word to Seneca's version, causing Puck to say: "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" Anvwav, the line hits the nail on the head. IJIROM Geneva: The Big Three nuclear test ban resumes, with the U. S. and Britain ready to offer a new package plan for a quick treaty. The Soviets say they are standing pat on their old proposals for the time being. COMMENT? Let's let Dr. Edmund Tel ler, our noted H-bomb physi cist, supply it. He said at a University of California alum ni banquet the other night: "The present moratorium' on nuclear testing might well prove CATASTROPHIC for the United Stairs. The situa tion under which we have foregone all testing -and hence all significant weapons advancement during the past two and a halt, years, with no means of knowing the Soviets have done likewise - might well prove disastrous for us." A MEN, sir. A If it -should turn out that we have been sittiim honestly tight and doing no testing the Soviets had gone on testing and had perfected a fantasti cally destructive new bomb and had hidden it out on us. it would indeed be catastrophic. Rain and Snow In Northern Tier Of Slates Remain By United Press International The mercury rose nine de grees to 20 at Old Town, Maine, current reigning cold spot of the nation today, but a rain and snow movement across the country's northern tier remained unchanged. Widespread rain and drizzle blanketed the north Atlantic Coast except in extreme northern Maine and picked Jp snow flurries over the Great Lakes to Minnesota. Old Town, at 20, had the coldest recorded temperature in the 48 adjacent states. The high Wednesday was 76 at Blythe, Calif. Skies were cloudy west of a stationary front in the Da kotas and Montana. Light snow drifted over the high Rockies and gave way to rain in Washington, Oregon and Nevada. While much of the nation opened umbrellas, 200 pro fessional weathermen meeting in Chicago heard a research er's explanation of why big raindrops fall earlier in a storm than little ones. University of Michigan Prof. A. Nelson Dingle told an American Meteorological So ciety meeting on Wednesday that big drops are less affect ed bv wind currents and thus fall first. In the South, where snows up to nine inches fell Wednes day in West Virginia. Virginia and Maryland, skies turned fair to partly cloudy. The U.S. Weather Bureau predicted gradual warming in the Carolinas with little tem perature change elsewhere in the South. Temperatures early today were 50 in Atlanta, 70 at Miami ,and 41 at Louisville, Ky. Cooler readings were In store for the nation west of the Great Plains and north of Virginia. A band of warm air headed north through the Plains. The Northwest claimed the heaviest rainfall Wednesday, measuring about a half-inch at Tatoosh Island and Hoqu- iam, Wash. Suspect Arrested In Portland Holdup Portland - 't?l' - A 27-ycar-old former Portland man was arrested at Phoenix. Ariz., in connection with last summer's S46.000 holdup of a Portland area bank. FBI announced Wednesday night The man identified as Law rence Gordon Huntley, was laken into custody by FBI agents at Phoenix after an in di;'Jnent was issued in Port land "arlier in the day charg ing h m with the robbery of ne '.tiUadale branch of the Multnomah bank on Aug I. I 600 Band Students To Be in Concert More than 600 band stu dents from the 17 Medford public schools will present the second annual spring band fes tival in the Hedrick Junior High school auditorium at 8 o'clock tonight. I. A. Mirick. instrumental music supervisor, reminded residents that the doors will open at 7 o'clock, and that no admission will be charged. 'Participating music groups and their directors include the all-school elementary band, Mirick: Hedrick junior varsity band. Steve Whipple; Hedrick varsity band, Ron Bartlett; McLouchlin junior varsity band, Ron Rice; McLoughlin cadet band, Al Huntemann; McLoughlin varsity band. Rice; and the Medford High school band. Mirick. Each group will play two selections, and, as a finale, the massed bands will present "The Star Spangled Banner" directed by Mirick. The all-school elementary band is composed of sixth graders, along with recom mended fifth graders, from the 14 grade schools in the district. Assisting in the direct ing of the croup will be Rich ard Michaelis. Lone Pine, and Bob Hansen. West Side. The concert is designed to show the public the different levels of musical achievement from the fifth through the twelfth grade in the Medford public schools. Each band will wear its own uniform. Washington -CPt- President Kennedy has ordered a new increase in U.S. military aid to Laos and may ask mem bers of the o 1 g h t-natlon SEATO pact to intervene to save the country from threat 'ncd Communist domination i YES! ... You can STRIKE IT RICH when you shop at OREGON FOOD STORE. Nothing to buy . . . just register now and you may win $100 every week! Register only one time during the entire promotion. JOIN YOUR FRIENDS in the FUN! We reserve the right to limit. ARMOUR'S STAR DOUBLE SMOKED PICNICS 39 4 ARMOUR Sausage Rolls 3 for 89 PALACE Bacon Lean Cut by Experts. Taste tempting 2 ibs. 89 Franks Delicious and seasoned just right 3 ibs. $1 MEDFORD'S FINEST GROUND BEEF 3 ibs. 93 SPRAY STARCH Easy-On, 8-oz. 39 mm BOHEMIAN CLUB 6 Pak Cans FACIAL TISSUES POWDER ROOM 490's SALAD DRESSING OREGON FOOD Quart 33 i DETERGENT ENERGY New Blue GIANT SIZE 49' MARGARINE TASTEWELL Cubes 4 Ibs. BISQUICK 22-lb. pkg. H5 With ANY $10.00 Purchase Excluding Alcoholic Beverages and Cigarettes WITH THIS COUPON MILK BORDEN'S Canned Tall Tins II c TUNA Seacall Grated No. V2 Tin 2 r 25 CAKE MIX BETTY CROCKER All Flavors ANGEL FOOD 3c Pkg.fcS' 2 THRIFT Department MEN'S LUNCH PAILS With Pint Thermos Regular 3.25 $29 PRESCUT RELISH New Stock .49' WATER GLASSES 9 Ounce Tall Shell 10 ea GLASSES 12 Ounce Mileno i an dnen u a ea WE GIVE THRIFTY GREEN STAMPS 19' MEDFORD'S FINEST PRODUCE ORANGES Sweet California Navels 4 $1 " DOZEN I LETTUCE Large Tender Crisp Heads 10 ARTICHOKES 10 ea ea POTATOES U.S. No. 2 Klamath 50-LB. SACK 5a 39 Congratulations . . . DORIS DUIN Lucky Winner of Our 1st Week Drawing of CASH 51000 AA MEDIUM FARM FRESH Dozen MIX 'EM or MATCH 'EM & SAVE: rmel Asparagus 'K3fl3 Applesauce Kme ApricolsKLMi Vienna Sausage Corned Beef Hash K3 C!vc ArKn Kadota rlgS No. 303 Grapefruit M'"'6 Doardae n Monle sllt'I'd redCIIBS or Halves, No. 303 nAonLnc Del Monte Sliced reacnes oriiaivcs, no. zv Pears K Pineapple Pineapple Kl Asparagus All Green No. 303 DL 9. Dam Drews ruin ucaua Kre. .29 .29 ( .29 .25 .39 .22 .27 .25 .33 Multiple 41. CO 41 xa 41.00 51.00 31.00 51.00 41.00 51.00 3 .89 Save .18 .16 .16 .25 .17 .10 .08 .25 .10 Pork & Beans Kidney Beans Green Beans 5"ToiCul Green Lima Beans iTzl No. 2 'j Drews 303 Drews No. 300 Diced Beets iTIlz Hominy D07,Miu or On. Hunt's Tender, No. 303 Drews No. 300 Blackeye Peas Mackerel Bra,,d CiinnL.xi.il Del Monte . oauciniaui No. 303 Chubby No. 1 tin Dog Food Tomatoes y Tomatoes S"7 Polenn Del Monte UalSUp H.oi!. bottle Pilrnn Del Monte UdlSUp 20-oz. bottle Spinach 2ntt Tomato Sauce 8.Mn",te T...l. Cm. Del Monte luuiaiu oaubo Do Del Monte reai No. 300 Sliced, No. 303 TamaUam Del Monte Solid, No. 303 T. Del Monte Slewed, No. 303 Pineapple Sliced, No. 1 flat D!iiJii Del Monte fineappie crushed, No. l flat Mandarin Oranges "flMo,,le .29 .29 .23 Warranty T I Ulld Solid Pak ' Del Monte 303 Veg. Salad N' niiuae l,llll"P Broken UIIVB5 nitrd, No. 1 tin Butter Beans B, .35 31.00 .05 .39 31.00 .17 .29 41.00 ,16 ,19 61.00 .14 .23 51.00 .15 ,15 81.00 .20 ,15 81.00 .20 ,16 71.00 .12 d9 61.00 .14 ,15 81.00 .20 .13 91.00 .17 19 61.00 .14 .14 81.00 .12 .23 51.00 .15 ,19 61.00 .14 10 131.00 .30 .25 51.00 .25 .15 71.00 .05 .23 51.00 .15 .33 3 .89 .10 16 71.00 .12 .10 121.00 .20 ,17 71.00 .19 .29 41.00 .16 .25 4 .89 .11 .25 4 .89 .11 19 61.00 .14 18 61.00 .08 41.00 .16 41.00 .16 51.00 .15 .29 41.00 .16 ,15 81.00 .05 BLEACH OREGON FOOD Vi GALLON 23' PRICES EFFECTIVE THROUGH SUNDAY (Medford Store Only) MEDFORD 13th and Central it ASHLAND 1475 Siskiyou Blvd.