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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 1, 1960)
Crystal! Ml Yieflds Look at PoflSticafl Futures By A. ROBERT SMITH Washington Correspondent (Editor's note: Once again our Washington correspondent bas spent rf "ud" peering into his lop sided crystal ball to find out for ns what will make headlines in i960.) JANUARY The New Year dawns bright and clear. headed for Oregon's teetotal- img top three politicians who wait for the rest of the coun try to come to by making, en tries in their diaries, as fol- jows: "Dear Diary I had such a strong sense of destiny for me in 1960. And for the peo ple, too, of course. They call ed me Oregon's Golden Bov and with no legislature to harrass me, I would have been able to maintain a golden silence on every touchy is sue. Rocky said he wanted me on his ticket, although I had a nightmare he might have said this to others as well. But Rocky has thrown in the sponge, and everyone knows geography prevents me being Dick's running mate, try to remain philosophical. I can still be the best gover nor Oregon ever had." -. jjear Diary I feel as weary, bone-tired Meriweth er Jewis must have felt as he gazed into the sunset aft er crossing the snow-crested, craggy Bitter Root Mountains it's all down hill from here on. I know I can never be partisan again, like other men. But as long as Hatfield continues to knife my Oregon Dunes Seashore bill and Morse keeps up his vehement attacks on me, I'll win in a landslide of sympathy." "Dear Diary I have no illusions about my role in American politics, but., it . is becoming clear finally .to countless Americans that they cannot risk giving the presi dency to a phony liberal. Un til Truman the other day praised Kennedy and Humph rey as sound liberals, I told Harry the only true liberals left were thee and me and how I wonder about thee." FEBRUARY U. S. moth ers march on Washington in protest against increasing number of TV gunslingers and skull crackers. Congress acts boldly, voting to draft these guys for duty in Out er Space. Their departure leaves such a void on TV that Ike declares it a rational dis aster area of American cul- L $5 WORTH OF GROCERIES FOR ONLY See Groceteria Ad on Page 6 ture. TV producers turn to i and belt loops from aeronaut the host of presidential con- uniforms. "I'm informed then- tenders, confident the politi cians won t raise too drastic ally the lowest common de nominator TV spent so much money developing. Political spectaculars become the rule. Harry Truman and Dick Nix on appear in "Can You Top This." No jokes, just insults. Wayne Morse takes over role of "Maverick," sponsored by the Teamsters. Checkers re places Lassie, who was caught taking a T-bone payola. Everyone find this immen sely entertaining, except Ike, who misses the westerns. Warning this will make poli tics the laughing stock of the country, Ike sends Congress a bill to ban all humor on political TV programs. Ameri cans for Democratic Action charges this is an "anti-Adlai" bill designed to suppress Stev enon's wit. Jim Hagerty ang rily denies this, claiming the bill is general mirth control legislation. Congressional Quarte rly queries all candidates o n mirth control. Each finds a uniquely evasive way of say ing, "Politics is serious busi ness, but the government has no business interfering with the right of the people to have a little fun." Jack Kennedy wins an Emmy award for singing, "I Got Rhythm. MARCH In the Nation's first primary in New Hamp shire, Kefauver beats all Democrats because snow bound voters still wearing coonskin caps he pased out last time. Nixon piles up 99 per cent of Republican vote all but Dartmouth grads who remain loyal to Rocke feller. Rep. Charlie Porter, just back from checking on work ing conditions of Post Office employees at Little America, announces his intent to take the first rocket to the moon. I owe it to cheesemakers in my distirct to make a personal survey of chances of import ing green cheese from the moon." Attorney General Thornton wins conviction. Life at hard labor is sentence imposed cn Jim Elkins' mule for jumping fence onto a state highway and cracking six yards of concrete. Asked if it had anything to say, the prisoner replied: "If only I were a donkey or . an elephant, in this political year I would have . got off scot free." APRIL - In Wisconsin pri mary, Nixon wins 98 per cent of GOP vote, and GOP Nation al Committee warns all party members against any further expressions or. dissent, Ken nedy wins on the Democratic ticket, and Morse is named the "native son" candidate on the Progressive ticket. After stumping the state, Morse in hometown of Madison says: "I have no illusions. . ." . Congressman Porter files suit against the State Depart ment for refusal to validate his passport for trip to moon. Rep. Walter Norblad starts one-day campaign with slogan, "Eliminate waste in Outer Space." Introduces . bill to eliminate suspender buttons o ELECTRIC RAZORS Includes Schick Powershave, the Sunbeam Shaver and Varsity Shaver. 50 OFF! o ALL CHRISTMAS WRAP AND CARDS 50 OFF! Buy for Next Christmas! o PHOTOGRAPH ALBUMS i Vi OFF ! SHOP & SAVE AT MEDFORD PHARMACY Corner 6th & Central Ph. SP 2-6253 Open Sunday: 10 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. . Week Days: 8:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. modesty is safe because there is no gravitational pull in Outer Space." MAY - Nation watches Ore gon primary. Wayne beats o ut Adlai, Jack, Hubert, et al - but loses to Norman Thomas. All Portland heart specialists are assigned . to emergency duty at Arlington . Club. In New York, Thomas declares: "Both parties have stolen my platform, but Wayne Morse pirated my planks for both parties, so I bequeath my dele gates to him." Nixon gains 97 per cent of GOP vote. Republican Nation al Committee, Ike and cabinet meet in emergency session to deal with crisis of 3 per cent dissent in party over its pres idential nominee. Paris summit meeting ends with everyone in gay mood. The first night Nikita discov ered the Folies-Bergere and after several return visits makes sweeping concessions to the West on the issue of the can-can. JUNE - Next summit meet ing is held at Augusta, Ga., where the Big Fore is what the caddies yell when Khru shchev gets on the tee to whack the ball. Pravda cor respondent cables the story to Russian readers: "Premier Khrushchev won the golf match today by scor ing more points than the Brit ish, French and American leaders combined. Later he an nounced plans to build coun try clubs on the steppes. Farm workers will enjoy equal op portunity to caddy for party leaders and plant seeds in all divots. 'We will soon surpass the American farm surpluses by this method,' the Premier I promised. The Premier accept ed the American offer of Ezra Taft Benson, a specialist in managing to pile up surpluses, to become a pro at the first country club." The treaty with Russia im plementing this agreement be comes the first ever wildly ac claimed by Midwest Repub licans. Senate Democrats block the treaty, charge GOP with appeasing Russia by handing them the Democrats' best whipping boy before the election. JULY Democrats convene in Los Angeles for national convention. After three days of happy blood letting and rip-roaring platform p 1 a t i -tudes, Kennedy takes early lead, followed by Humphrey, Stevenson, Symington, John son, Brown, Williams, Meyner and Morse. After a week's balloting, . Kennedy falters and Humphrey moves ahead j briefly, only to be overtaken by Stevenson. In Chicago, Republicans gather in tails and mink for a neatly packaged, non-controversial convention to place Ike's mantle on Dick's shoul ders, with nothing to amuse them but the Democratic free-for-all in L.A. Nixon arrives in Chicago wearing an Adlai button and hinting to report ers he hopes that's who his opponent shall be. This ruins Stevenson, and Truman tries to stampede the convention for Symington. Ike flies into Chicago from the Yalta (not a word about that place, you understand!) summit meeting and embraces Nixon. "He's my boy." Balloting is de ferred a day until lady del egates can control their tears. In L.A., Stu flubs because he can't give 'em hell like Harry. On first ballot at Chicago, Alabama yields to California for the Nixon nomination. Af ter the most respectably ex travagant demonstration Mad ison avenue ever cooked up for the TV audience, it ap pears to be all over - until one California delegate de mands the delegation be polled. Says his name is Joe Smith and he's voting for Rocky. Pandemonium breaks j loose. The Stock Market shud ders. Smith turns out to be a Stanford classmate of Hat field's. Nixon's inability to carry own delegation sends Rockefeller stock soaring. Travis Cross checks Hatfield out of Nixon's hotel and into Rockefeller's. Nixon goes to the hall to take command and tells the convention he took a sidewalk sampling that morning which showed the only persons who recognize the Rockefeller name think he is an old fuddy-duddy who hands out dimes. "What kind of an image is that?" demands Nixon, "when everyone knows you can't buy anything with a dime anymore." Travis moves back to Nixon's hotel. The Democrats' 89th bal lot shows Lyndon is limping, Soapy is washed up, Meyner is no major, and Pat Brown is another Californian who can't corral his own delega tion. In Chicago, as Nixon .and Rocky alternately take and lose the lead, and as Travis grows wearier rushing to and fro between hotels, Hatfield awaits the winner at the Stockyards Inn. " In LA., Jebbie Davidson sweet talks the tiring dele gates and the western states .iW t 1 Tk jcratic convention with a daz zling maneuver executed by Monroe Sweetland, who points out simply that the only contender still fresh enough to make an acceptable acceptance speech is Wayne Morse. "I have no illusions, but if I don't accept this nomination my enemies will nominate me anyway," says Oregon's favorite in humbly taking the prize on the 132nd ballot. Wall Street doesn't know whether to buy, sell or jump. In Chicago, Republicans re act as Sweetland privately predicted and turn to Mark Hatfield, on the 77th ballot, to save the country from Morse. Dick and Rocky make a scramble for second place, but the ticket needs an East ern conservative and the GOP picks Douglas MacArthur for vice president. Herbert Hoo ver embraces Mark and Mac, "They're my boys." AUGUST - Democrats still looking for running mate ac ceptable to Morse. Dick Neu- berger announces he can' support either presidential candidate and will run as an Nonpartisan Independent for President to appeal to all who hate partisanship and would prefer a man who can never be partisan again unless there is no other way out. Maureen announces for Dick! Senate seat. Edith Green says "Not without a ladylike fight." Porter flies in from somewhere but decides to stay out of Senate race. "Foreign heroics are child's play com pared to battling Oregon'; lady politicians," decide Charlie. SEPTEMBER - Democrats conclude they can find no run ning mate good enough for Morse. If elected. Morse vows to handle both offices. Hatfield invites MacArthur to Salem for discussion of campaign principles. The gen eral emerges from governor i new house and reads state ment typed in New York be fore he flew West. "We have decided that in the best in terest of the Nation, an ex change of our roles is best, The governor and I have de cided that he will be MY run nine mate:', Hatfield later tells the press: "All I know is the general was very persua sive, and I was taught to re spect my elders. . OCTOBER - Rayburn and Johnson fly to Washington for conference with Ike, who then calls Congress into special ses sion to meet "national crisis. Lyndon introduces proposed Constitutional amendment re pealing the presidential third term ban and gets it passed by sundown, when Morse arrives from the campaign trail too late to object. Rayburn calls convention of the "Me Too' nartv in Houston. It nomi nates Ike for president and Lyndon for veep. Morse de n o u n c e s "reactionary ele ments who put their own in terests above America's his toric two-party system." Says MacArthur: "Doesn't Ike know old soldiers are sup posed to fade away?" Replies Ike: "One of these candidates would slice us into trouble on the right, the other would hook us into difficulty on the left. The Nation demands a president who can stay in the middle of the fairway, and I've had more experience than anyone at this the last eight vears." NOVEMBER - Pausing briefly from the life of lei sure, the voters turn it over once more to Ike and Lyndon, then quickly return to tuning their stereo sets, caulking their boats, tinkering with their sports cars and opening their second homes to junior and his beat pals who are us ing it as a temporary pad un til they can find something worse. Edith and Maureen end in a tie for the Senate. Lyndon saves everything by getting Ike to appoint Dick Neuberg- er Secretary of Interior and Maureen Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare - the first husband-and-wife team ever to sit in the cabinet, ac cording to an anonymous ar ticle in Harpers magazine. m m h a r.a a m ai m.m mm m FREE PARKING SHCIAIISTS IN MOMfWARCS! 245 S. Central at 10th Dick's first decision is to move Interior headquarters and its fat payroll to Florence, Ore., where he is lionized by the Western Lane Taxpayers as sociation, which apologetical ly drops its opposition to the Oregon Dunes Seashore pro posal. Maureen packs her bathing suits for an inspection tour of cranberry bogs. DECEMBER - Supreme Court rules in Porter's favor on moon passport suit. "We find that under the general welfart clause it would be im proper to prevent any mem ber of Congress from leaving HOPE TO MC AWARDS Holly wood -JPD - Bob Hope will be master of ceremonies at the 32nd annual Academy Awards presentation April 4, the Academy of Motion Pic ture Arts and Sciences an nounced Thursday. Hope will be the sole emcee on the 90 minute Oscar awards telecast. the Earth. The intent of Con gress in . this case is clearly set forth in House Res. 99: "Whereas it is the belief of Congress that Rep. Porter is the man most likely to go into orbit, we hereby resolve to lend him , our support and wish him bon voyage." The Nation is one year further in debt to its leaders. Aneurin Bevan Seriously III London -ft'PD- Aneurin Be van, 62-year-old heir appar ent to the leadership of the Labor party, was still serious ly ill in the hospital today, but expected to improve gradual ly. A bulletin issued late Thursday night said "there has been no appreciable change in Mr. Bevan's condi tion." Bevan underwent a major abdominal operation at the Royal Free hospital Tuesday. MEDFORD Tribune Noon Edition mm wm Slabs and Rough Blox Green Dandy to Burn with Dry Wood Big Double Load or Single Load MEDFORD FUEL CO. Ph. SP. 2-2111 - Court at McAndrews La Poimite's ts4 mm mam PRICES SLASHED IN EVERY DEPARTMENT DAYTIME DRESSES Formerly fo $22.95. Substan tial savings on these cotton and wool dresses. Full skirts and sheatns. A large attrac tive group. Now only $7.00 and $9.00 00 BETTER DRESSES Formerly up to 35.95. Career, casual and dressy styles in wools, jerseys, silks, velvets and taffetas now only Designer Dresses Formerly op to 59.95. Dressy and casual styles. Sheaths and full skirts. Some dresses wiik jackets. Now only SHOES Formerly up to 36.95, 200 pair of Andrew Geller and Herbert Levine shoes. Now only 15 90 COATS Formerly not less than 34.95 up to 59.95. Tweed, plaids, plushes, cashmere blends. Clutch styles, button clos ings. Basic and fesJwen col or. Now aiy BETTffi COATS 35.0 and Formerly 49.96 to 79.97. Famous label styles. Many om of a kind. Luxury fabrics m tweeds and solid colors. J-pJ Now only rcrwi FabuJotrs mink or flattering fox. Formerly to 108.00. Re gardless value. Now only ad Coats IP Cashmere Coals Formerly 79.95. . . . Imported cashmere. The ultimate of luxury. Beautiful styles . . . Now only 49OO CAPRI PANTS Formerly to 9.98. Fine selec tion of corduroy and velve teen pants m solids and prins. Wide wale or pin wale corduroy. Now only $3.29 $699 cornel houses Formerly to 10.98. Famous name drip dry and blended dacron end cotton blouses in solids and prints. X sleeve and long sleeve. Frenek cuff and barrel Now eJy SX29 SUITS Formerly up fo II 8.00. De signer and famous name suits. Fitted or boxy styles. Imported and domestic fab rics. Regardless . ef value. Now only 5400 TO1SS3T5 1 (Ml k 1 Formerly to 17.98. Wonder- MEDFORD SHOPPING CENTER Page 2 ESTABLISHED 1896 ( ML I GREEN lrAMPS 00 J V
