Image provided by: Morrow County Museum; Heppner, OR
About The Ione independent. (Ione, Or.) 1916-19?? | View Entire Issue (Oct. 31, 1930)
I City of Changsha After Chinese Communists Wrecked It ABOUT MERMAIDS AND MERMEN CAP 14' 'L. T s Oilnese Communists, who recently cnjUurtvl the Important city of Chnneshn, s.vstonmtli'nlly lootoil buJ wrcikeJ th place while they held It. This picture shows the ruins of the main building of a rloh banking firm. The Real Cause of the Battle By JOHN SIMM0N3 LWAYS I have liked this yarn I A because I know It to be true In every essential particular. It hap pened a few years ago In a certain Broadway restaurant, now dosed, where the waiters all were Irishmen, The owner was Irish, too. It would appear that this owner. In an Incautious hour, bought a car load of MUlilgan celery. Maybe It was a tralnload; at any rate, the es tablishment was overstocked with celery that was threatenlnj to go tale and the staff had orders to push It while the pushing was good. In the evening a friend of mine, of waggish turn of mind, entered the place and took a seat at a table near I front window. He was a regular patron. Ills favorite waiter, a little peppery, red headed chap, whose first name was Timothy, ranged up along side to take his order. "How are ye tonight, sorrr began Tlmmy. "Are ye hungry? Te are? WIIL that's good. S'pose thin we THE GIANT HIPPOCRITTER By Hugh Hutton (Author of Nutty Natural History) HERDS of these beasts were first reported seen by Stanley, the ex plorer, feeding on angleworms along the mud flats of the Upper Nile near Wady Haifa. They prefer condensed milk, however, and make nocturnal raids on the nearby towns, during which much property damage Is sus tained. To avoid these raids, the na- tlves have tried passing around cans of condensed milk among the herds, which they refuse with remarks that they never touch the stuff, but the raids Cjfitlnue the following night. The catves are at their wits' end to solve the problem. The above snapsnot shows a hippo critter hypocritically denying his fond ness for the canned liquid. Paper shell pecans form the head and body, with lima beans attache for ears and hind feet. The forelegs are split beans and toothpicks, while the tall Is a piece of early spaghetti. (ffl Metropolitan Ntwiptpcr 8rvlc.) Why Doys Leave Home 77lXzr eveay tffl fill it. Boot' Bcokde Aioco! uoisnfSaae&ooy U)O0i0 AiVeWT UiCCDUSS fit rwi vrri JEErrJlAOf ? start off wid a nice dish of Mitohlgln celery? Qhe rpder will note that Tlmmy was mindful of his Instruc tions from headijunrters). "No, I don't think I'll take ary celery tonight. Just a few oUm and some salted peanuts to begin on." "The celery Is very fine, sorr. I could recommlnd It crlp as a nut, sorr, an' sweet as sweet kin be. You'd better change your mind, sorr. and let me " "No. I guess not Rrlng me some oysters on the half shell" "Wld Jlst a stick or two of that nice Mitehlgan celery on the side?" Tlmniy's voice had a winning way about It. 'Never mind the celery, please. And after the oysters a soup of some sort let's see nowT "Celery soup, sorr?" "No, chicken consomme. And then a slice of roast beef rare with baked potato." "An a portion of boiled celery eh, sorr! That new cook of ours has a way of bollin celery that'd niuke you" "No thank you, Tlmmy." "Well, thin, sorr, surely you'll be wantln a dash of salad to follow. Shall I bring you a dish of celery salad?" "Not at all." P,y this time the customer had ficuml out correctly what motive must lie at the back of Tlnimy'a determined campaign. "Lis ten here, Tim," he went on, "I don't want any celery salad, nor any cel ery pie nor any cHery ice cream, and I wouldn't even care for any celery flavoring In mj coftVe. I dn't like celery. I never eat celery. Now run along and get me what I've ordered, will you. and don't mention the word celery to me again." Plainly discomfited by the diner's obstinacy the little waiter departed. As soon as he was out of si;ht my friend hailed Patsy, the tall, hand some headwaiter. "Oh, PaU" he called, "Just a min ute, please!" Smiling a welcome, the function ary approached. "Pat," suid the Joker, "I've been Some Good Things for the Family Table r , By NELLIE MAXWELL IF ONE enjoys fre.sh tasting grape Juice, which may so easily be put up at home, do not fall to prepare a basket or two of grapes this fail. Grapejulce. Take one cupful of grapes, taken from the stems, place In a quart Jar, add one-half cupful of sugar and fill up with boiling water. Seal and set my 0 Ws w1Ot C McCJure Nm spine, Svniflcita J. .1 y i Sf g '" "TOIMM'N A ."44 Wkli World i'huw coming here a good many years now, haven't I?" "You have that, sorr." "I've been a good friend to this restaurant, haven't I?" "None better, sorr none better." "Then why Is It when I como In here and try to get something which I particularly crave, tlmt thick head ed Tlmmy just naturally won't let me have it?" "Oh, there must be some mistake, sorr. What was It you 'specially wanted sorr?" "Well, for the last fifteen minutes I've been sitting here trying to gt It through that skull of his that I'd like Just a few sprigs of fresh Michi gan celery" "Mitehlgan celery. Is It?" Put's astounded voice rose to a whoop. "Will, of all the " He swung about on his heel to dart toward the puntry and bumped inio Tlmmy. "Walt !" commanded the headwalt er In Indignant tones. "Stand thore, you Idiot an' answer me this: Why Is It whin this gentleman that 'ye've 000-0K00 Favors the v0XKOO0KXXX0KK TWO grandchildren of the financier, Thomas Fortune Ityan, have asked the court for a new guardian. They say their grandmother Is too old fash ioned. A girl of seventeen and a boy of six teen, the children are part heirs to their grandfather's estate, which has been estimated at from one to five hundred million dollars. And their grandmother, their pres ent guardian. Is "too old fashioned !" Ioulitles their grandmother Is not too old fashioned to love these, chil dren. If she Is old ishloned she finds the sole object of her existence in their happiness. And they want to change guard ians! Without knowing the details of the .situation which hs brought these poor-rich children Into print, tnany of us who do nut lightly express opinions will be willing to ay that children w'th too much money need a guardian who is "old fashioned." An "old-fashioned" guardian, of course, will admon!sh them to con serve tl.eir wealth, to make It useful. away for use at any time of the year. The two-quart Jars which ore apt to be too large for most foods In a small family may be used for grapejulce. Add two cupfuis of grapes and one of sugar, then fill with the boiling water and seal with new rubbers and per fect tops. Ripe Tomato Marmalade. Remove the skins from four quarts of ripe tomatoes and slice, add four pounds of sugar, six large lemons thinly sliced and tho seeds removed, and one pound of raisins. Put all to gether In the preserving kettle and cook slowly about an hour, or until thick. Stir often and seal when thick. Welsh Rarebit Put two tablespoonfuls of butter Into a chafing dish or a double boiler. When melted add one and one-half cupfuis of finely cut cheese, one half teiispoonful of salt, one teaspoonful of mustard, one-half teaspoonful of sugar; when the cheese Is melted ndd two thirds of a cupful of cream, one tea spoonful of cornstarch a dash of cayenne nnd two beaten ei'gs. Stir consiantly and cook until very nrnooih and thick. Serve on hot toast with a slice of tomato. Mint Wallop. Pour one quart of boiling water over six tcnspoonfuls of tea, a good-sized bunch of mint, tbe grated rind of four lemons nnd two oranges. Cool, ndd the Juices of the fruits and strain. Add two cupfuis of sugar, one quart of light grape Juice and one quart of water, with a bit of green coloring. Stir and mix until the sugar Is well dissolved. Chill und serve with chipped Ice. (S), 1520. Wont Nnwprier Union.) Maybe Sooner "I understand you want a new cook." "I engaged one five minutes ago. Call again the day after tomorrow." 1"MlK belief In mennalds and mor mon dates from tho earliest limes; nnd the trltous and syrens were half fish and half human. The North American Indians relate they were conducted from northern Asia by a imm fish. This fable Is told of a mer maid: In the northern part of Green land this creatun was seen, appearing like a woman as far dowu ns her waist, with long hands and soft hair, (lie head and neck like that of a hu man being. Her fingers appeared web like, as those on the feet of water birds. From the waist downward tho creature had a body like a fish. The brow was low, and the eyes piercing all In nil, a horrible creature. Sailors upou seeing these creatures would become horror stricken, fearing the loss of several of their crew. The mermaid would often dive Into the water and arise to tho surfsco with fish In Its hands. If It threw them In the direction of the boat the sailors took It as an evil omen; In the oppo site direction, they took It as a good omen that they would not suffer a loss In the Impending storm. Mermaids have been snld to have been seen off tho coast of llrlmsy In the years 1305 and l.Tn; and off the const of Suffolk In 11S7. One old au thority on natural history records the appearance of a mermaid which was sworn to on oath by several of the ob servers. One monster was seen by three sail ors at the sides of their boat, with the hi ad of an old man and broad shoul ders, but the arms they could not see. known fur years, comes In cravln a bit of fresh celery you won't bring It?" "OKI.F.HY !" With one wild whoop of rage Tlm my dropped the serving platter, con tents and all, and as he msde a leap for Patrick's throat, my friend reached for his hat and quietly with drew. (. br tht WcNtujht S)n.lkt. too.) Old - Fashioned Grandmother By JEAN NEWTON She will point to their wealth as a responsibility, not merely a medium for "making whoopee." And that, for children who have always had every thing they wanted, who have never had to give themsi-lves to much seri ous thought, tastes something like bit ter pills. A guardian to their liking would be one with Just about an opposite train of thought one concerned chiefly with having "a good time." More to their liking, but hardly bet ter for their own good and future hap piness. SUPERSTITIOUS SUE SHE HAS HEARD THAT If you are about to move Into a nw home, for Pete's sake don't go In for the first time by the back door, because It It very unlucky. ((0 Ly McClur Nmiumr Symllcato.l T"J "V j" - , I WtbJLJk fJM t PHILADELPHIA ZOO GORILLA AT AGE OF FOUR f -Jib ' 1Y 1 f J Ml Here Is nnmhoo, n gorilla In the Philadelphia zoo, photographed on hid fourth birthday. He Is oue of the very few of his kind that buve reached muturlly In cuptlvlty, The lower part of tho body was pointed like a llsh, Tho navigator of a ship relates this story: One morning wlillo looking overboard, some of the crew saw a creatine that appeared to be a iner maid. It came close, to tho ship as It had no fears, nnd kept looking at the men, A 111 tin later a sea enme and overturned Iter, Her body was like that of a woman, uiul ns largo, her skin very white, and she had long, beaut I fill hair hanging dow n her back. In her going down they saw her tall, which was similar to that of the por poise. Columbus In his Journal relates how he saw three mermaids. Ho siyi they were not as beautiful at sometimes supposed, hut somew hat resembled the human countenance. It Is supposed that they were sen calves, but his Imagination compelled him to give a wonderful character to everything la this New world. (,0 t'jr W'Miin Vrwtinnpfr 1'nlnn.) y "Sli was only a washwoman's daughtsr," says Facetious Florsno "but she knew where to draw the line." (Cupjrliht ) After hearing argument by lawyers for both sides, the modern grnnilchll dren and the old fashioned grandmoth er whom they want to oust as guar dian, the court oh, yes. this la a legal matter rescned decision. The old fashioned grandmother has our vote. Ami If there are any read ers of this column who don't agree with that, I should like to hear their argument. I A tll. lull Srnill ) 1) J LAUGH AT TIME J THE MOST By Douglas Malloch. 4 I KNOW a man, an old, old ninn. Who still Is sprightly In his walk, Who l,m,-li us loud as any ran, Is just as cheerful In his talk; And If I did not know his year, I'd never think of him ns old. Yes, so imii h younger he appears That strangers always must be (old. I know a man, a young, young man, Who seems to si'liff his way along, Who knows he'll never live his span. Although there's nothing really wrong ; Ami, If his years I did not know, I'd never think of him ns young, Ills mind's so dark, his step mo slow. Ami so disconsolate his tongue. And, knowing them, I know mankind, And, yes, this thing called age, pur lin ps. It Is a matter of the mind As much as of a life's ellipse. Enjoy whatever Joy you see, And laugh at everything yon enn, And time the most, nnd you will be A younger, not an older, man, ). 1130, Douslu Mslloch 't A 1 !"H ':? ' t 1 A Jf BELti TIT FOR TAT S .-.v ,!,;' One Sunday moruliif KiMftuVer ol a church that could Ao'l'holM of a new organ met a frtmnl y no belonged to a church that had : Jusl'tfUrehused one. "I bear you've got a oflw, oignn.w ha said. "Now all you need Is a mon key" t "And nil yon need Is "an tii;nn,H hi friend answered wit It, 'ft, iijtlo. A(a iw rs. ' ' , " ' JUST A MUMPER 'That bird sings. I auppos7" "No It's a humming bird." Grandpa Wsybacli Ssvi VnUai Jo' hlil I pumtur proof, III b.t to It' And till d I roof. Na Nws to Hr "Your husband has been nominated for ofllce," said the neighbor. "Vou don't swm much Interi-sti'd. "No. It doesn't make a great deal of difference. It won't be any news to me when tfi friendly papers print his picture, nor when the oppos.tlfft) ed Itors talk about his faults," What Do. Sba Mean? Father-Thls Is a nice stnie of af fairs! Here you've got engaged t this young fellow- he's tsi-S coming here eery night fur weeks -Slid fuU know ulsoiiiely noihliig about him I Paugliter (die.'iinli)i(lx) .Now yoo mention It, he does rntber like keeping me In the dark! The Humorist. H Didn't Count landlord (ohowliig spnrtiiieiit) No babies are allowed In this building, yon know. The Iji'ly Well, my husband la an awful baby, but h" won't keep gi,y. body awnke nights with his crjing'or' do any dumnge to the Np.iripifUt, I guess. f Fucrptinf On Thiif Mose- How fit ' enn )oii ull go U dat new cur? Ilut-ttis - Ah, i-Miil.l fluke miles a minute 'repiln' fli one thing. Mono - Whllfs thit. l.oy ) liUHttis - ny JiV cn'Me ie dlstiuic Is t"o lop f..h i!e hliorllieri i.f .le time. FOOD BUSINESS "You're In the fMid tuMis'is, eht Supplying the consuiiR-r.I suppose " "'o Just consuming." i . , ' i, i . Plaint of tho Blkia If, as they say, th World li round, 1 rsally cannot sue Why all of It that I hava found Should atom so tint te m. Courageous ' ' "Are the Ainerlcnns courngeous as ft ruler asked the foreign visitor. "I should say so!" answered the pa triotic citizen. "You should see tire way the average American eats suf. illnes und pie at a picnic." Succenful Ceniui "What Is you nephew doing?" "Ho Is an Inventor." "What has he Invented?" "Numerous excuses for iWrnwfnn money from me." Zurich Neblespiilter. A Critical Juncture . . "Illgglns Is a greut friend of yours." "He has been, heretofore," "Don't you expect him to remain so?" "Can't tell. I Imve Just Indorsed his note." A Tough Round Indifferent (lolfer You lire gettlnft' more and more hopeless 1 Cuddle I couldn't have Iftxn.hope innn wot. i sturted with. The uiorlHi. v' Hu Mm