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About The gazette-times. (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 21, 1915)
IIOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION Stories World Meets With Smiles The Lost Decoy. 0" the occasion of a Mayoral ban quet in & small provincial town one of the. last guestg to leave went to the cloakroom for his coat and hat. He couldn't help noticing the woebegone lock on the attendant's face. The poor man appeared wor ried and sad, and every little while he sighed and muttered to himself. "You seem upset," remarked the guest sympathetically. "I am upset, sir," said the attend ant. "What is the trouble? Haven't the guests tipped you well tonight?" The attendant answered in an ex cited voice: "It's not only, sir, that they haven't tipped me, but they've taken the quarter dollar that I put on the tray for a decoy." Philadelphia Public Ledger. Not Hungry. They were on the subject of girls. "Look here!" exclaimed McFar land. "Did you ever take a girl out to lunch when she felt a little faint?" "Er no," admitted Smith, reluc tantly. "Well," take my advice and don't. One day I took Miss Jennie Westcott into a restaurant. At first she de clined to eat anything, but then she said she believed she did feel a little faint." "Did she take anything?" "Did she take anything? She seized the menu, glanced over it, said she didn't feel very hungry, and or dered " "Well, what did she order?" "Oysters, bouillon, lobster, cutlets, sweetbreads and peas, chicken, shrimp salad, biscuit glace, maca roons, coffee and creme de menthe. It cost me three dollars." "Well, you ought to be glad," said Smith. "Glad? What for?" "Why, glad she wasn't hungry." A Small Order. Trade was bad, very bad; and Mr. Bugging, the chief grocer of the dis trict, found his takings becoming smaller every day. All his old cus tomers seemed to be leaving the neighborhood, and no new ones ar riving. Even old Mrs. Robinson, to whom the firm of Buggins had sup plied the necessaries of life for many years, had not been near the shop for weeks. One morning, however, she again entered the door, and Mr. Buggins, delighted, hastened to attend to het In person. "And what may I get for you to day?" he inquired. "A cent's worth of soap," came the reply. Mr. Buggins' face was wonderfully expressive of outraged feelings; so was his answer. "A cent's worth of soap!" he re torted. "Certainly, I Buppose you'll be washing the canary this after noon?" Composing Letters. It is related of a merchant that, impatient at the long delay of a cus tomer in settling- his accounts with him, he said at last to his young clerk: "Write to that man and tell him that I can wait no longer!" "What shall I write to him?" the young man asked. The merchant was hurried and answered crossly and without thought: "Something or nothing, and that soon!" In a few days a check came from the delin quent, paying the entire amount of his indebtedness. Surprised, the mer chant asked his clerk: "What did you write to that man?" "Just what you told me to," the young man an swered, "t did not tdl you what to GOING EAST or COMING WEST We Can Save Ton Money Reduced rates on Household Goods, Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through tonsolidated cars, insuring prompt de livery and careful handling. Bates and Information on Request. Pacific Coast Forwarding Company 201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or. write." "Yes, you did; you said: 'Something or nothing, and that soon.' I wrote that." True, 0 Uncle Joshua, it takes someone more wise than a fool to "compose a letter." Talk That Counts. Ephum Johnson was up before Judge Shlmmerpate on a cruelty to animals charge. "Deed Ah wasn't abusin' dat mule, Jedge," the old man demurred. "Did you not strike It repeatedly with a club?" "Yassah." "And do you not know that you can accomplish more with animals by speaking .to them?" "Yassah; but dls critter am diff'nt. He am so deef he caint heah me when Ah speaks to him in de usual way, so Ah has to communicate wid blm In de sign language." A Household Hint. The black silk slip cover that conies with a gift umbrella is rarely utilized for its original purpose. But the deft fingers of a handy housewife may easily transform it, at slight trouble and expense, Into a fashion able skirt. No refitting or reshaping necessary, Simply turn the affair upside down, cut off the metal end, and attach a belt. See that the slash comes at the side. How Pat Got Even. Pat was over in England working with his coat off. There were two Englishmen laboring on the same railroad, so they decided to have a joke with the Irishman. They painted a donkey's head on the back of Pat's coat, and watched to see him put it on. Pat, of course, saw the donkey's head on his coat, and, turning to the Englishmen, said: "Which of yez wiped yer face on me coat." Lippln-cott's. When you to to Portland yon wlU want to Attend the Theater You will get th most for your moaty by going to THE BAKER (Geo. L. Baker, Mgr). Ob Broadway aid Morris (It. Home of the Famotu Baker Player Prices, 25c, 83c, 50c, 75c; Mat. 25a, ftOe. Matinee BTJNDAT, WEDNESDAY, SATURDAY. Always a new play. Hlgh-claa company of real actors and actresses. Beautiful scenic and stage effects. The Baker Players have been famous In Portland for 15 years and to see them Is a part of one's visit to the metropolis. Tf IMPORTANT, that you mention this paper in answering advertisements. fill BUSH & LANE Pianos Stand the Test of Time Both tans Pianos are built to iustaln the reputation w. have spent years In as tabjlshmg. This reputation for piano qual ity Includes every detail of superiority tana action durability, etc. We back th Is claim with a guarantee as broad as It Is binding. Tou MUST be satisfied. Bom. exceptional values In standard Pianos taken In trade for $100 and up. Bush & Lane Piano Co. W.aklas-tea Street, Cor. f lJtfc. Portland, Orrgoa. Elouse of Originality M ANfF ACTimERS WHOLESALERS RETAILERS Boom of Originality "When in Seattle BS.FRYE SEATTLE'S FAVORITE HOTEL Only Three Blocks From Depots and Docks SATES THAT ARE RIGHT $1.00 Per Day and Up PURE MOUNTAIN STRAINED HONEY FROM SUNNY CALIFORNIA! Mail or Express C. O. D., or Cash. Quality Guaranteed One-half Gallon Pure-Am6r Mountain Strained Honey for fl.lc, F. O. B. ! ngelea On. Gallon Pur. Amber Mountain Strained Honey for 1.10. F. O. B. Lo Angel. Atk about Oranges, Nuts, Dried Fruits, Beans, etc. PRODtTCERS-TO-CONSl'MERS srrri.Y CO.. 230H S. Spring St., Los Angeles, Calif. A CHANCE TO MAKE MONEY 100 acres Willamette River bottom land lying right on the river, boat landing on the place, 38 miles from Portland and 12 miles from Salem, three miles to Oregon Electric: two (rood houses, large new barn on con crete foundation; other outbuildings; woven-wlre fences. No rock or gravel. The soil is unusally rich will grow alfalfa and corn to perfection. Grass in great abundance. Just the place for hogs and cattle. Price has been f 14,000, and is cheap at that The owner la hard pressed for money and, In order to make a quick turn, will let It go for J9000, ,2500 cash and the balance long time at 6 per cent interest. Here Is Another This Man Is Looking for a Willamette Valley Farm and wants to trade 2080 acres; six miles Echo. UMATILLA COUNTY, Oregon. Jl'ST THINK! 1000 acres In wheat now; land all tillable, all fenced and Improved; plenty of water. With place goes 26 horses a com bined harvester, drills, barrows. In fact everything needed on a farm. Crop goes with the place. PRICE only 130 an acre, or $62,400; MORTGAGE S13.200, long time at 6 per cent, Will trade for a Valley farm to the full amount. This Party Has a Longing for the Same Locality He has to trade a fine ranch of 65 acrea 25 miles 8. E. of Spokane In Palouse country on electric line; 25 acres in 6-year-old trees, apples; five acres In 8-year-old trees; five acres in pears, apricots and peaches; six acres In old orchard, bearing heavy! balance, of land la in cultivation. New, modern, six-room house, fireplace; all built-in effects. Fine barn and chicken house. PRICK $18,250. WILL, take J1500 In cash and an Im proved farm In the Willamette Valley for the balance, or a hardware stock in the' same district. JOHN E. HOWARD, 309 Chamber of Commerce, Portland, Oregon Every packet of Morse's Seeds Vegetable or Flower, are dependable seeds, Fully tetstea ueiure paenea. For Sale Every w be re K LB "Vrlte for a copy of Morse's 1915 Garden Guide Just off the press MAILED FREE