IIOME AND FARM MAGAZINE SECTION
Stories World Meets With Smiles
The Lost Decoy.
0" the occasion of a Mayoral ban
quet in & small provincial town
one of the. last guestg to leave went
to the cloakroom for his coat and
hat. He couldn't help noticing the
woebegone lock on the attendant's
face. The poor man appeared wor
ried and sad, and every little while
he sighed and muttered to himself.
"You seem upset," remarked the
guest sympathetically.
"I am upset, sir," said the attend
ant. "What is the trouble? Haven't the
guests tipped you well tonight?"
The attendant answered in an ex
cited voice:
"It's not only, sir, that they haven't
tipped me, but they've taken the
quarter dollar that I put on the tray
for a decoy." Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
Not Hungry.
They were on the subject of girls.
"Look here!" exclaimed McFar
land. "Did you ever take a girl out
to lunch when she felt a little faint?"
"Er no," admitted Smith, reluc
tantly. "Well," take my advice and don't.
One day I took Miss Jennie Westcott
into a restaurant. At first she de
clined to eat anything, but then she
said she believed she did feel a little
faint."
"Did she take anything?"
"Did she take anything? She seized
the menu, glanced over it, said she
didn't feel very hungry, and or
dered "
"Well, what did she order?"
"Oysters, bouillon, lobster, cutlets,
sweetbreads and peas, chicken,
shrimp salad, biscuit glace, maca
roons, coffee and creme de menthe.
It cost me three dollars."
"Well, you ought to be glad," said
Smith.
"Glad? What for?"
"Why, glad she wasn't hungry."
A Small Order.
Trade was bad, very bad; and Mr.
Bugging, the chief grocer of the dis
trict, found his takings becoming
smaller every day. All his old cus
tomers seemed to be leaving the
neighborhood, and no new ones ar
riving. Even old Mrs. Robinson, to
whom the firm of Buggins had sup
plied the necessaries of life for many
years, had not been near the shop
for weeks.
One morning, however, she again
entered the door, and Mr. Buggins,
delighted, hastened to attend to het
In person.
"And what may I get for you to
day?" he inquired.
"A cent's worth of soap," came the
reply.
Mr. Buggins' face was wonderfully
expressive of outraged feelings; so
was his answer.
"A cent's worth of soap!" he re
torted. "Certainly, I Buppose you'll
be washing the canary this after
noon?" Composing Letters.
It is related of a merchant that,
impatient at the long delay of a cus
tomer in settling- his accounts with
him, he said at last to his young
clerk: "Write to that man and tell
him that I can wait no longer!"
"What shall I write to him?" the
young man asked. The merchant was
hurried and answered crossly and
without thought: "Something or
nothing, and that soon!" In a few
days a check came from the delin
quent, paying the entire amount of
his indebtedness. Surprised, the mer
chant asked his clerk: "What did
you write to that man?" "Just what
you told me to," the young man an
swered, "t did not tdl you what to
GOING EAST or
COMING WEST
We Can Save Ton Money
Reduced rates on Household Goods,
Pianos, Automobiles, etc. Through
tonsolidated cars, insuring prompt de
livery and careful handling. Bates
and Information on Request.
Pacific Coast Forwarding Company
201 Wilcox Building, Portland, Or.
write." "Yes, you did; you said:
'Something or nothing, and that soon.'
I wrote that."
True, 0 Uncle Joshua, it takes
someone more wise than a fool to
"compose a letter."
Talk That Counts.
Ephum Johnson was up before
Judge Shlmmerpate on a cruelty to
animals charge.
"Deed Ah wasn't abusin' dat mule,
Jedge," the old man demurred.
"Did you not strike It repeatedly
with a club?"
"Yassah."
"And do you not know that you can
accomplish more with animals by
speaking .to them?"
"Yassah; but dls critter am diff'nt.
He am so deef he caint heah me when
Ah speaks to him in de usual way, so
Ah has to communicate wid blm In de
sign language."
A Household Hint.
The black silk slip cover that conies
with a gift umbrella is rarely utilized
for its original purpose. But the
deft fingers of a handy housewife
may easily transform it, at slight
trouble and expense, Into a fashion
able skirt. No refitting or reshaping
necessary, Simply turn the affair
upside down, cut off the metal end,
and attach a belt. See that the slash
comes at the side.
How Pat Got Even.
Pat was over in England working
with his coat off. There were two
Englishmen laboring on the same
railroad, so they decided to have a
joke with the Irishman. They painted
a donkey's head on the back of Pat's
coat, and watched to see him put it
on. Pat, of course, saw the donkey's
head on his coat, and, turning to the
Englishmen, said: "Which of yez
wiped yer face on me coat." Lippln-cott's.
When you to to Portland yon wlU
want to
Attend the Theater
You will get th most for your moaty
by going to
THE BAKER
(Geo. L. Baker, Mgr).
Ob Broadway aid Morris (It.
Home of the Famotu Baker Player
Prices, 25c, 83c, 50c, 75c; Mat. 25a, ftOe.
Matinee
BTJNDAT, WEDNESDAY, SATURDAY.
Always a new play. Hlgh-claa company
of real actors and actresses. Beautiful
scenic and stage effects. The Baker
Players have been famous In Portland
for 15 years and to see them Is a part
of one's visit to the metropolis.
Tf IMPORTANT, that
you mention this
paper in answering
advertisements.
fill
BUSH & LANE
Pianos Stand the Test
of Time
Both tans Pianos are built to iustaln
the reputation w. have spent years In as
tabjlshmg. This reputation for piano qual
ity Includes every detail of superiority
tana action durability, etc. We back th Is
claim with a guarantee as broad as It Is
binding. Tou MUST be satisfied.
Bom. exceptional values In standard
Pianos taken In trade for $100 and up.
Bush & Lane Piano Co.
W.aklas-tea Street, Cor. f lJtfc.
Portland, Orrgoa.
Elouse of Originality
M ANfF ACTimERS
WHOLESALERS
RETAILERS
Boom of Originality
"When in Seattle
BS.FRYE
SEATTLE'S FAVORITE HOTEL
Only Three Blocks From Depots and Docks
SATES THAT ARE RIGHT
$1.00 Per Day and Up
PURE MOUNTAIN STRAINED HONEY FROM SUNNY CALIFORNIA!
Mail or Express C. O. D., or Cash. Quality Guaranteed
One-half Gallon Pure-Am6r Mountain Strained Honey for fl.lc, F. O. B. ! ngelea
On. Gallon Pur. Amber Mountain Strained Honey for 1.10. F. O. B. Lo Angel.
Atk about Oranges, Nuts, Dried Fruits, Beans, etc.
PRODtTCERS-TO-CONSl'MERS srrri.Y CO.. 230H S. Spring St., Los Angeles, Calif.
A CHANCE TO MAKE MONEY
100 acres Willamette River bottom land lying right on the river, boat landing on the place, 38 miles from
Portland and 12 miles from Salem, three miles to Oregon Electric: two (rood houses, large new barn on con
crete foundation; other outbuildings; woven-wlre fences. No rock or gravel. The soil is unusally rich will
grow alfalfa and corn to perfection. Grass in great abundance. Just the place for hogs and cattle. Price has
been f 14,000, and is cheap at that The owner la hard pressed for money and, In order to make a quick turn,
will let It go for J9000, ,2500 cash and the balance long time at 6 per cent interest.
Here Is Another
This Man Is Looking for a Willamette Valley Farm
and wants to trade 2080 acres; six miles Echo. UMATILLA COUNTY, Oregon. Jl'ST THINK! 1000 acres In
wheat now; land all tillable, all fenced and Improved; plenty of water. With place goes 26 horses a com
bined harvester, drills, barrows. In fact everything needed on a farm. Crop goes with the place. PRICE only
130 an acre, or $62,400; MORTGAGE S13.200, long time at 6 per cent, Will trade for a Valley farm to the full
amount.
This Party Has a Longing for the Same Locality
He has to trade a fine ranch of 65 acrea 25 miles 8. E. of Spokane In Palouse country on electric line; 25
acres in 6-year-old trees, apples; five acres In 8-year-old trees; five acres in pears, apricots and peaches; six
acres In old orchard, bearing heavy! balance, of land la in cultivation. New, modern, six-room house, fireplace;
all built-in effects. Fine barn and chicken house. PRICK $18,250. WILL, take J1500 In cash and an Im
proved farm In the Willamette Valley for the balance, or a hardware stock in the' same district.
JOHN E. HOWARD, 309 Chamber of Commerce, Portland, Oregon
Every packet of
Morse's Seeds
Vegetable or Flower, are
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