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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (April 17, 1891)
. " f -IT AND HUMOR.- VjWimtli calls for fr ussess- & big dividend. N J". - . 'rouble wlih most 61 our gifts to iAr It tlitft we chock thorn op as to- the Lord. Milwaukee tienti- .Sres yean to nmko one saint, . - " a tiers ean be turned mit nt the Vfadosen a ndnute. 7e(M ?tl- k . ft'e ell very well to talk of writing posterity,1' sijfhed the poofe, but " terlty isu't ettitiug any mngastnes." -x . Vc&. - ... kIIer complexion used to be a great i, if Qoranoe to her "Ah, well, that -3 matteTinni made tip now." N . t Herald. Patient The doctors have given me up." Friend 'Then von have one hope loft" "What is thatr -Give p the doctors." iSt Joseph News. T Fapa.n said Johnny. 'Slldn'tOeorge V'ashiujftoti ever tell a HeP1 Never. . my son." 'Then how did ho got Ms cinch on polities?" Harper Basar. , , Bfore we were married, said the. oi. displays of affoction were posi . ' -. . ; y o-eriione." "And now P' 'i'hev very rare." Indianapolis Journal. nropean olvlliKtUEoii Is filling thf .rk Continent with rum for the na co. It may lead to painting the tonliuent rod. AYte Orleans jftcayune 1 If you are told that you resemble a great ujan eay uothintr. It may be L stmt the-resemblunce will cease the mo mnt you open your mouth. Atchison Globe. ' As Howard Hall was starting at? eloctrio motor in Bridgeport, Conn., a fw davs ago, "a bright blaxe shot out v from the dvunmo and bnrnod his mus- tache off."" Professor of historv Vhat do you " know a(Kut Louis XlWa time?' Jack A t It t el tens 'Nothing, sir; I never knew he was a sprinter." Harvard Lampoon. I This world Is not so wicked. A man's i food deeds are more apt to be re mom bored than his bad ones except, of course bv Ids Intimate friends. Min neapolis Journal. 'Can't you employ me, sirP" asked , the' tramp. "I have nothing for vou to do, returned the hoRohtddr. 'I'linOs just the thing I van do, sir, said the y tramp. Harper's Bazar, 'X read this moruiug that somebody xm. had invrtitetl a way of making poker chips out of metal"." "What kind of metal P" I don't know; ante money ( 1 presume." Washington ist. . v "Have you read mv last novel, mv 'Jaar friend?v Certainly." "Well, nd bow did yon like it?" "I laid i s the book down with the greatest satts- faction. Dry Goods Chronicle. ' Photography in natural colors is now J said to be on the eve of success. Pos J - sibiy the time will come when a man . may be able to see himself a he looks when painting the town red. Phila- delphia Times. s "What is Smith doing now?" "He , la traveling with a circus." "Prcttv - hard work, isn't itP" "No; ho has nothing to do except to stick his head in the lion's mouth twice a dav." Texas Silings. She "Does Mr. Chnmley beloug to ine ooo ion at i rineeionr t. (i'riucetoman) "1 never rjfj Qf , inat ciud up here. liMTkoow the in cuit j is ciown ovret societies. tiarvttra jjam. Tezev "Just on your ao- t count, madam. I've been hiding my light under a butml for years!" Mri B re Key "O, dear! Kxtravagant as r cup?" N.'r. HvrnttC 'We are holU in the same boat, arent (U- weP" said one of the two brothers who were condoling over a parental visita tion. Yes." was the reply; "we i were; and it was a whale-boat, too, i- wasn't UP" li'askinfton Post. "Go awav. You are drunk." said the citizen to the beggar. "I ain't nothiu of the kind," was the wrathful reply. "D' yon suppose I'd be out a ' workin on sich a cold day as this if I was good an' drnnk!" Indianapolis Journal. "Jimmy," said a visitor at the Jay- smitna . "itow is your papa going to r build a bouseP There are no bricks coming to the city now." "Oh," re . pi ied J ini m ie, "in am ma says papa brings home a brick in his hat every night." Mnnseifs Weely. Dryson "Well, Dock. I hear yon opened a drug store at Dcs Moines, la. Doctor -Yes; and I am mak ing it pay, too. My receipts one day amounted to $100, and that didn't in clude the 75 cents' worth of drugs 1 sold." Niagara Sjrray. . ScSne, Central Africa (arrival of the . express train at the chief town) Train dispatcher to the engineer "What does tins mean? 1 (ton t see any con ductor." Engineer "No, the tirst - class passengers have eaten him up since we started." Fiiegende Blatter. Somebody has computed that if thirty-two million people should clasp hands they could reach around the earth. W hen a young man is in love i h ifw nnr nffi to nuvn mnro innn cnn rwrKnti olwsn his h.mtl to Ih? nhle to reach round all the earth contains for him. Buffalo Express. "Hello no there!" shouted his wife, "what in the world are yon making such a rumpus about?"' Husband (on roof) I am holding an inquest." Wife "An inquest! Who is dead?" Husband "Noliody, I am in quest of the collar button that slipped down the back of my neck." lirooldyn Eagle. Ethet trad been sitting on the sofa in silence for half an hourintently watch ing the lady who had come to visit her mothar for a day or two. At last the burden of her thoughts was laid down with a sigh, as she looked up in the visitors face and asked: "Didn't you bring any other dress?" SomerviUe Journal. A dear old gentleman who is deep ly interested in Sunday schools, and who never loses an opportunity to pray iui mum ibul'uu tfiiimuiitrn iiitr iiji- 1 owing singular request in his pelHion 0Smi prayer meeting: "Dear Lord, bless Wife "You don't tell me that Prof. A. has been struck dumb?'' Husband "Yes, last night. And he was mas ter of seven languages." Wife "Is it possible? And was he struck dumb i in all oran9" T.-rn Rift.in.n. . Ryson Col. Bourbou. I presume. Bah, you are observing Leut, satiP" .Colonel Bourbon "Yes. sail, I've made a sacrifice I take my whisky " straight, sah. now. and frive ud the sugar, san. ' uincmnau uazctie. There's one thing about you, d'An ber, that I can't understand," said Scumble. What is that, old fellowP" "That with yonr unequaled taste in art you should have such a large collec tion of yonr own pictures." Fuck. mm So you want a railroad position," 153 mused tbe Superintendent. "Do you think you could give an intelligent ac 1 count of an accident?" "Yes. sir, I'm sure I could." ' Then I think we have no place for yon." Kimira Gazette. "Why, hello, old boy, I haven't seen X you since you were married. What '".v tre yoa doing now? Traveling for : .! - bouse, 1 suppose?" "No, not ' iv'Vi i Since the baby camel have ; 1 "" "Vor walker." Philadelphia the" Inmbs of this Told, nud mako them meet for the kingdom of heaven." Harper's Maganine. An Arab water-seller who was lu Turkey during the last war with Rus sia was wandering about the rear of the battle-fields with two freshly tilled jugs of water, calling out. "Clear, cool water, 2 plasters a cupful," u hun a round shot bonuding nloug smaahrd one jug to atoms, nnd the Arab wan dered on without pausingt but changed his cry to "Clear, cool water, 4 pi us Ut is the cupful." WELL-KNOWN SAYINGS. Vhm Origin ir ftnm I'hmufHi That nav It will be found on examlnatlou that most sayings may be traced back to a literary origin, says the N. Y. Stun What more common, popular maxim is there than that "Procrastination is the thief of time?" Yet It Is the first line of that most deadly dull of books. Young's "Night Thoughts." Crowds of people have been befooled in im agining that "The Lord tempers the wind to the shorn lamb" is a biblical saving, yet it is only as old as Sterne'a "etitimeutal Journey." K very body knows about the mnu who read "Ham let" nt an advanced age. and said he would have liked It if it had not been so full of "chestnuts." The fact la that a great part of i has become prover bial, and so common property. We no longer have to read the pi ay" to Imbibe a lot of its philosophy, for it is Hon ting in the air about us. On the other hand, some sayings un doubtedly have a popular origiu. A splendid example of the evolution of one occurs iu the old testament, iu the history of Saul. When the future first king of Israel appeared among the Itrophets the people were astonished, le had been of a rather frivolous dis position. Some man in the crowd ex claimed: "Is Saul also among the prophets?" The expression caught on, and it has tmeu a familiar saying ever since. We have among ourselves a very good example of the same sort in the expres sion: "A good enough Morgan till after election." A difllcnlty here meets us. How is it that among eastern illiterate nations f trover ha of the most perfect form and iterary finish are found? The same state of affairs occurs in Spain. The explanation lies In the fact that In both cases the people are able to get at literature vicariously. In Persia and the east generally the professional story-teller comes to a village, la the evening tbe inhabitants sit round the tent, a lid he tolls them tales, many of them thousands of years old and full of the condensed wisdom of ages. In Spain the muleteer who wanders about the country tills exactly the same posi tion, and to the literature popularized by him must be largely attributed the riehness of Spanish in proverbs. Tony Welier was the proverb-spinner of the Pickwick crowd. He got bis faculty in the very same wav that the Spanish muleteer and the Persiau story-teller got theirs. He met a great man' people in his trips on the coach, and his sayings got sharpness and el-arncs of muline with every fresh repetition. No doubt many of tlpatfl were retailed by countless appreciative hearers. In the .same way. 4 ua Jnrrey iu the BOJH"iim lrelaud is bv nature a nianu- yvfactuivr of proverbs. He is a part of reaction are equal and opposite, ail th:it he has met become a part of him. When a proverb has gained a sure place in oue language, and strikes some observer of a different race and civilization, there is a difficulty about transporting it bodily- If it be eastern it will have a reference that will not, for instance, appeal to westerns. What then happens is that it is localized. It is treated in the very way that names are altered in a good stofy to give it local color. In this way an eastern proverb about a camel becomes a west ern oue about a horse, and so on. NO NEED OF ARREST, Ganblir Httrdy rrfrrt Ittt and th Mamhal (Save Him tils Cholo. "Do you see that tall man standing there!" asked the colonel of an Ana conda Utaiulard reporter. "Notice how be brushes his hair forward oa the sides, as some Englishmen do. One of these locks hides a scar which bears eloquent testimony to a narrow escape from death. "Thirty years ago he was a deputy marshal "iu Nevada. He started out one day to arrest a gambler who had killed a man over a game of cards. The gambler knew that the marshal was seeking him, but with cooleffront ry walked about the streets all day. John that is the deputy marshal heard that the man he wanted was in a well-known bar-room. He set out for the place and carelessly walked boldly into the room. He bad not crossed the threshold when he found himself looking into the barrel of a six-shooter. '"Come, Hardy he said coolly, "this won't do. I come to get you and I want you. "See here John, said the gambler, I don't want to kiil you, but I won't b " in arrest me. Go away and .1,.. ....die.' "'No. I want you," said the marshal quietly. Put down the six-shooter and come with me.' "'I'll see J on shot first, said Hardy. "'I can't help hat. said the other. I must have you. Now. you have the drop on me but yon must come with me or kill me in cold blood.1 " I don't want to kill you, said Hardv "Then put down your gun.' "John, I won't be arrested. Don't touch me. I don't want to shoot a man without cause. . "Tve got to do it. Hardy. "See here.1 said the gambler, turn ing white, "if you move a foot I'll kill you. But I hate to be a coward. That was fair and square last night. We both pulled together. "The marshal shook his head. "'I'll do one thing. John,' Hardy went on. "I ll back up to the waif. You'll back up to the other. Til draw my revolver to my hip and you can draw 3-ours. Then it's the best man.' "The marshal moved backward to the wall and Hardy did the same Then the marshal drew his revolver and held it at bis side, muzzle down. All this time Hardy had kept bis weapon leveled at the marshal. Slow ly his arm sank uutil his weapon touched the seam of his trousers. Both men were perfectly calm and immova ble the marshal determined looking, the gambler still pale. "Now, John. said Hardy. Instant ly both weapons went up. "it was all over so quickly that both m-i went on tbe floor together. But !i:r.ly had fired too soon. His ball v nt nt an upward angle and grazed Lin- murs .ai temple. But the marshal had ;--t -4 bullet straight into Hardy's beaii :.id there was no need to arrest the gam bler." The Fashion In Wines. "Society Is running to burgundy now." he said, speaking of the fashion iu wines. "It is a leading feature at every entertainment. Quite a heavy wine, I know, but even the ladies seem to favor it. At all the great din ners champagne is now served very much earlier than before. It is brought onwith the nsh, and right down to the gamft. A. i. world. THE SOUTHERN NEGRO. Tti Intn Knjormunk AAWril Him hf a Pnrtlf'gttlnn In Vnncritl. Corn shuoklngn are pleasant te a negro; protracted meetings are still more so, especially If there are a plenty of watermelons and chickens In easy ncces; but after nil the quintessence of enjoyment to Sambo is a funeral, savs Mary W. Enrly In the Sprlugtleld (Mass. ) 'Rt'pHbtican. They will go any distance and brave any dilllculty to attend a funeral, whether they have known the deceased person or uot. They will "Swtm the Rah river wher ford tttsre Is none' rather than be balked in going to a funeral. They may (nud In fact gen erally do) ueglect the ill person, but just let him die. and they will Hock to the house and to the funeral lu a way that suggests the gat holing together of eagles over a carcass. It is a re markable fact that though negroes seem so amiable and friendly they gen erally show great tudlffereuce and neglect to members of their own race who full ill, and the latter would prob ably come to serious want In most eases but for the ministrations of white persons. A conspicuous Instance of this kind occurred recently in the city of Lynch burg, Vn. A guntlemau living there had a body-servant taken ill. and his master, who was much attached to him, did everything for him that kind nenn could 8iigeat or money accom plish, while his own race " let him "severely nlotie," At length he died, and then they commenced to flock to have the pleasure of looking nt the corpse and assisting tu the funeral. Hut the master met them nt the door and waved them back. Go away," said he. "You wouldn't come near him while he was ill, and now you shan't have anything to do with his funeral." Hcing wealthy, liberal nud kind-hearted this gentleman bad a handsome funeral for his faithful body servant, but the pall-bearers and M?r sous occupying the hacks were all white, and the negroes were extremely discontented at missing the treat. In slavery times a very amusing epi sode occur ret I once nt the funeraFof a negro woman. Just after the colli o was lowered into the grave her hus band burst into a wall of lamentation that quite startled and touched the by standers. Hut it soon appeared that he was not bewailing his "Beastcd (deceased) mate, but a bunch of keys he had let slip into thecoflln and which had been nailed up. "How I gvviue open my chist, and my cupboard, and mv heu house no he woefully asked. Negroes have many superstitions on the subject of death. If a whippoor will comes into the porch or near the house they take It as a sign that there will sooti be a death in the family, and they have the same siierstitiouiu re gard to a forest bird coming into the home, as is sometimes the case in a violent storm or during a long spell of inclement weather. If the grave is dug too short they consider that a cer taiu iga that there will soon, t, nu mber death in the twih" Nothing could induce a Jt.ifro to sweeo tindor- I aeajitoTTjeti ou which a corpse lies. j--At a recent uegro funeral a wreath of pink hyacinths was laid on the cof fin and when they were going to lower the colli n the chief pall-bearer seemed quite perplexed as to the best disposi tion to make of this floral decoration. Kiunlly. however, he cut the gonlian knot by putting it on his own head, and during the remainder of the funeral service his shiny black face anil woolly locks were surmounted by this delicate and fragrant pink wreath. A funeral gives negroes an oppor tunity to enjoy we vera I thing- to which they are partial. They can wear black, and, mor over, black cram, if they are sutliciuully near kiu to the deceased. They dearly love to wear mourning, strange as it may apcar. when nature "has already condemned them to a perpetual suit of sabie. Then they love i lake a hack ride to the rave, it ate living in towu. A friend of mine gave me a diverting account of seeing a dozen little negroes dismount from the hearse on its sto ping at the houe where the corpse lay. These children had Availed them selves of the opportunity to take a drive, and their spirits were not at all affected by the funereal character of the vehicle they had been driving in. Negroes seem to think that a death in the family confers a sort of pompos ity on the survivors, as an illustration of which I may meution the incident of a little negro boy whose mother had been dead only a few days aud who was sitting apart from his usual play fellows aud declining to play with them; whereou one of them tauntingly said: "Yon needn't be so proud, if your mother i da id." SOME LARGE MEN. In Tnr:n Wr Fnnnil m Human Ska II Pour Ft In Clrramrerrnc. The Emperor Maximin was 8 feet in height so also was a giant exhibited at Rouen in 1735. Dr. Goropius of the French Academy of Science once made, a professional examination of a girl of but 13 years of ajre who was ten feet 4 inches high. The body of Orestes, according to the Greek historians, measured 11 feet when being pre pared for burial. Gnlbara. the giant exhibited in Rome during the reign of Claudius Caesar, was over 10 feet high. Seconda and Pusio. the giant keepers of the gardens of Sallust were exactly of the same height, each measuring 9 feet and 6 inches. Fur man the Scotch giant of the time of Eugene II. measured but two lines less than 11 feet 6 inches. Chevalier Scovey, in his account of the voyage to the peaks of Teueriffe says that in opening one of the sepul chral caverns they found a human skull whieh measured four foot in cir cumference and which was provided with eighty (80) teeth. He always ac companied the army ou foot, there be ing no horse tall and strong enough to carry him. Peter us, in his published writings, tells of a giant whom he examined at Lucerne, whose body measured 19 feet 4 inches aud 3 lines. In Roueu. in 1509 while workmen were enraired in digging in ditches near the Dominican monastery, they found a stone totnb containing a skeleton whose skull held a bushel of wheat, the shiu bone reaching to the waist of the tallest man on the ground. Over the tomb there was a stone slab containing the follow ing words in raised copper letters: "In this tomb lies the noble and puissant lord the Chevalier Ricon de Vallemot and his bones. Why They Are Noseless. A missionary, writing of the degrad ed condition of the people of the Gil bert Islands, in the South Pacific, says: "The further yon go north in the Gil bert Islands the less you see of the horrid scars which on Tapitouca dis figure, or. as they think, distinguish all the male sex. But at the same time, as you go north, there seems a greater intent to kill than at the south, where the intention seems to be rather to lacerate and make the most horrid wounds, those which will produce the greatest amount of misery. One sin gular propensity of an excited Gilbert Islander is to bite off noses. This ac counts for the great number of nose less persons one meets. A few years ago one of them, in bis wrath, climbed up and bit off the nose from the figure -head of the -"Morning Star!" It has since been replaced with one of lead. CQ0P rpflM IN ENGLAND. ' Numvrnui Wyi In Whleh ltrltlah Cm tuma IMAVr frnm Amrloa Ones To adequately indicate the diver ge noes butweeu the ways of Kngllsh so ciety nud our own would require a volume, says the N. V. Ledger, but some striking examples may be given lu a few paragraphs. To begin with the mimes applied to servants. In England there is no such thl"- tin a "dining-room girl." 8 he is caned a "parlor-maid." What we term nn "up-stalra girl!" Is a hnuse-mnld." Tit ere are no "chambermaids" or "waiters" in nn English private house. They are found only In hotels and restaurant. To speak of a coachmau as a "driver" would be very "bad form." Coachmen, butlers, housekeepers,- and ladies' maids are called by their sur names only, never by their Christian names. Americana who ape English usages almost nluavs blunder in the use of eresls. lu England only men put crests on their paper, silver, clothing, carriages, etc. Fur a lady, especially a young lady to put a crest on any thing would be considered bad form. To speak to a mnu of his wife as "your wife" would not be tolerated; you must say "Mrs. So-and-So." The use of "sir" in conversation between equals would be thought very bad form. The railway terms lu Kntrlttml differ mark edly from ours. The "track" is a "lino": a "depot" is a "station": a --(lUKUL-umcw is a "oooiting-oiiice a conductor" is the "guard" tb 'engineer" Is the "driver ; the "car' Is a carriage"; "baggage1 is "lug 'ticket-ollicv" is a "booklnir-ofllce"t the 'car" IE- gage." ami a baggage -ear" Is a "van." Iu English theaters, what we call "orchestra seats" are "stalls," and the "parquet" is termed the "pit." Englinh newspapers you do not "sub scribe for," but "take in." An 'ed itorial" is always a "lender." It is uot good form for a young lady to go to school. She must be educated at home. We may also note that the ahhrevatlou used for "bachelor of arts" nud "masters of art" are "B. A." nud "M. A.," whereas in this country they are "A. II." and "A. M." What we call "public schools" are termed 'na tional schools" in England. An Eo Hsh 'public school" corresponds to such American institutions as the Phil lips academies at Exeter nud Andover. At Oxford and Cambridge the term "graduate" is not used as a verb to express the taking of a university de gree. Glancing at games, we may re mark that in England billiards Is al ways played nn a pocket table. Xou do not, however.say that you "pocket" a ball; yu "hole" It. A 'xarmtn" is a "cannon;" a scratch' Is a "fluke;" a "rtiu" is a "break," and a hot" is a "stroke." Croquet, which once was popular, no longer regarded as good fori u. In England shooting is never called "guuuhig" or "hunting." ,Tlie ! rater term is applied exctusivciv to fox hunt ing. A i orse good at inmmut; is cail- J d agO'T'l "fencer." Ail jumps except -h.lTi..l. Mfi.1 u-.,ir" Sttnuiltul xni null. ed "fences. On the other hand, what we call "fences' are termed "timber." AH "race" iu England are ruuutn races. There are no trottlug races. All English races are run, not upou a din track, but upon ratfs; hence the expression, the "turf.1 A word about theetiquet of calls and cants. In England i would be the worst possible form for a gentleman to call on an unmarried lady and ask the servant if sue is at home. He must al ways ask for the mother only. A gen tleman is never asked to "call again soon," but he is told: "I hope we shall see a good deal of you." iu England cards are left only when the person called ou is out. They are never sent in I m-fore the caller if the Krou called ou is at home, tor hu-batid and wife to have Itoih names on oue card, a "Mr. and Mr. Jones." is very bad form. So it !- tor unmarried ladies to have sep arate, visiting card of their owu. Their uames houUI be engraved uu der the name of their mother or of some ol her married female relation. In England one's address should al ways iKt on one's card, in smaller let ter, in the right lower corner. We might enumerate a thousand other peciiliariiieit. but we have cited enough to show that an American citi xon could uot easily acquire what in Englaud is called "good form" without an cxemliture of time that could bo put to better purpose. BATTLE HORRORS. The Burning to Dlh of Wounded Men t ChfttieellorTllle. Among the horrors of the battle of Chancellorsville was the catching tire of an abatis and the burning of wounded soldiers, both union and confederate. A wounded man months afterward told Mr. Goss. who writes the story in his "Recollections of a Private," that he watched the flames and counted the miuutes when they would strike him. but was unexpectedly saved by a little pool of water which arrested the tire just in season. Another man. a hospital comrade, said to Mr. Goss: "I was among the wounded just out side the nbati.4 when it got afire. This leg you see was as limp as a dish-rag, but I couldu't see the poor fellows burn iu that way. So, using my musket for a crutch, I began to pull away the burn inr brushwood and got some of them out. "I tell you it was hot! Them pi ties was full of pitch and resin aud made a lire as hot as a furnace! I was work ing away, pulling out Johnnies and Yanks.wheu one of the wounded John nies, pale as a ghost, toddled up and began to help. Ho allowed he wa'n't go in1 to have a Yankee beat him at uuytliing. The underbrush crackled and roared, and the poor follows hotvtwdnnd shrieked when the tire got at them; and by and by another confederate I guess he was a straggler came up aud Itegan to help, too, and we fought the lire all together. "We were tryiug to rescue a young fellow in gray the tire was all around him. The last I saw of that fellow was his face. It was a handsome face. His ees were big aud blue, and his hair like raw silk surrounded by a wreath of flame, and then I heard him scream: 0 mother! O God!" It left me tremb ling all over like a leaf. "After it was over, my hands were blistered and burned so I couldn't open or shut them, but me and them rebs tried to shake hands. Them two fellers weren't so bad; one of the in helped me down to' the crossing the next night, and got a darky to set me across the river. "What? Well, yes! That leg'a a-guer, but Tin not sorry." Idttle Bessie's Sorrows. Little Bessie had been offended in some way. She went off into a corner of the room and turned her back on the company. "I'm mad," she ex claimed sulkily. "I wish I didn't have any papa or mamma." "That's wrong:, dear," said her mother. "Wo are the best friends you have." "Well," said Bessie, still sulking, I don't mind bavin1 papa. He isn't here much. But I'm gettin awful tired of the rest of you." Chicago Tribune. - Betting on the rainfall has been car Vied to such an extent in India that the Bombay government has passed an . wit tor mnu in OVERPOPULATION IS C0MIN0. tartttaff rlmt1tl"M Proiluil at Navting of tli llrltUh Asatioft At a recent meeting of the Hrltlsh Association K. G. Hnverisltdn produced nn elaborate set nf statistics to show that the world will, in the ordinary course nf things, be fully Inhabited in about 18'i yours, uhlch estimate con siderably extmida the period at whleh tome learned men believe humanity will be crowded out. Having ureviously swept away the arctle aud 'antarctic regions as not be ing essential for his argument, he parceled out the remainder of the earth into: Cultivable laud. 28,400.000 square miles; steppe, scrub, poor grass, etc., ltt.V01.000 square miles; barren deserts. 4. 1 HO, 000 square mites; a total of 46. 8.50, 000 square miles. The popu lation living upon thl he reckons at a little over 1.407.000.000. divided thus: Europe. flfiU 200.000; Asia. 8o0.000.000; Africa. 127,000.000 (a much lower itfltimntn than most people compute); Auir:ia, 4.730.000; North America. B0, 260.000; South America. 80,500.000. Mr. llnveustcln showed how. suppos ing the standard of life among the various peoples to remain ihn same, supposing the populiitlc - at the rate of 8 per cent in in cry decade, and supposing there are no extraor dinary Improvements iu agriculture, the population of the world In the year 2072 will be 6,9U4.OO0.(H0. In speak ing of the populations that these areas would bear (mentioning 207 Individu als to the square mile as a fair aver age), he suggested that the productive ness of the earth might be better util ized when people understood economy. In expressing a general opinion that tropical countries are not tit for Kuroneans he granted exceptions to the rule as, for example. In certain now well-known highlands of Africa. One of the theories propounded Is that there Is a gradual migiailon of people southward, so that in t mi a race of European origin may miat who will be acclimatized in the tropics. Ou the whole, Mr. UaveiiKtein does uot de spair that the world will lie overpop ulated. because as new developments occur new adaptations will be found to meet them. Her. John Mackenzie expressed the opinion that the Zambesi will all in course of time tie suitable for European residents. J. W. Wells, who has traveled 3.000 miles tu Argenttua and Ilrnsil. thought that there is every prospect of a speedy construction of a vast system of rail and fluvial com munication all over the country. The sum total ut the discussion so far was an assurance that there are plenty of places in the world tit for popula tion, that there is a demand for popu lation all over the world, and that we need not particularly worry ourselves as to whether the glolie will be over populated iu generations to come. Tota Adopted Family. Tot came to me one morning with puzzled and inquiring look in her large, beautiful browu eyes. "What would you do with hlmf" she seemed to say. "He worries me more than all the others put together." 'J ot was a small, cream colored Eskimo door, and it was one of her j adopted children, a turtle, that was just then causiug her motherly heart so much anxiety. After thus questioning me with her 'expressive eyes, a bright Idea seemed to strike her. She ran to her closet and separated the trouble some turtle from the other members of her rather singular family, pushing him with her nose into a corner of the room. Then she brought some pieces of muslin, and covered him over so that not a bit of him could bo seen. "There, now, 1 think he will sleep and give me time to attend to my other children,1 was her apparent comment. Tot was in the habit of adopting all the .motherless strays she came across. At the time of which 1 write, we bad two little ducks that had been left orphans. Tot heard them complaining one day. It seemed to make her very minora hie. At last she could bear ft no louger; so downstairs she went, and, to my utter astonishment, returned with one of the ducklings, safe and sound, iu her mouth, depositing it iu the box with her three puppies. In the cournu of the day she succeeded in bringing the other little fellow upstairs and placing him with his brother. The ducks seemed quite happy with their adopted mother, and. when older, fol lowed her everywhere, running after her, and screaming if she got too far ahead of them. A singular thing it was that Tot aud her own children never injured lhee feathered found lings. But I am sorry to say that Tot never loved the turtle, always covering up the ungainly little creature when ever it ventured to put out its head or be sociable with the rest of the family. St. Nicholas. TESTIMONY OF THE EXPERT. How Mittty GlMKMfit ut Herr It Takes to Expositors of the exact sciences are not always sure of their opinious and experts are sometimes uncertain. Such a case is recorded in a neighboring city. Haviu; elected a reform council. iu a spasm of righteousness the people naturally expected to have the moral at mosphere cleared. To silence the clamor ttie council passed an ordinance making it extremely unlawful to sell intoxicating liquor Sunday. The traffic of course continued, but quietly. Eventually a saloonkeeper was ar rested aud charged with violating the law in selling beer. His lawyer de cided to try the time-stained, weary defense that beer was a uon-intoxicant. The sale was admitted and the attor ney called for his expert testimony. The first witness was Adolf Soli lege I, a German-American of repute and sub stance good. After a Ion": life of trade he had retired, and by diligent daily application to malt liquids attained vat proportions. So large, indeed, that when he died a colli u had to be built to order, and a window and part of the gable end of the house removed to get out the subject of the, obsequies. However, that's another story, as Mr. Kipliug would say. Mr. Schlegel puffed his way to the witness staud aud when he caught his second wind was duly sworn. In reply to the cus tomary questions to prove him an ex pert he testified. "1 iiaf pin prewer dwendy years und I keep saloon zwelf. I haf indimade knowledge of der goustiduents of lager." "Is lager beer an intoxicating liquor?" asked the attorney, with an air which plainly said that be was con fident of the answer. "Dot's diffurend mit differend sub jecks." responded the truthful and ex act witness. "If a man triuk sechsig oder sevendy glasses a day he don'd feel id; a bur if he make a schwein oud of himself I dink he ged full, bud I'm nod go n tit 1 e n t. cider." Chicago Trib une. Exodus from Iceland. There is every' likelihood that next year will see the whole of the popula tion of Iceland on the way to Canada or the United States. " From the official statistics it appears that fully 20.000 natives, or about one-fourth of the entire population of the island have already emigrated to this conti nent. Property has greatly depre ciated and taxes increased till there is great complaining and a desire to re 'U"ve to more prosperous lands. WON AT THE DICE. flow a Nwly Arrlvail Italian Olrt Wm lklapoaad Of in Ontltitn. Between One Hundred and One Hun dred and Eighth street , on the east side, Is an Italian colony, says the N. IT, Continent. It U populated princi pally by Italian peddler and ash-barrel Investigators, who live huddled to gether like sheep. Wedlock Is at a discount among them, very fow, lu fact, conforming to the formality of a marriage ceremony. If a particularly well-favored young womau mi grules to the colony from their native country the young Italians fall in love with her as a body. If aha wants to be taken she has uot one but many beau a. eusrer and willing to escort her. This collective feeling does not lust long, aud before many weeks are past there are two or three ultra-attentive men for the olive-colored damsel, and among them exists a great feeling of rivalry. It ia only fiossible for her to marry if marriage t cau be called oue of them, and she is usually nfrald to favor either of the trio In particular on account of their hot tempers. Tbe matter Is then left to chance. Dirty-looking dice are brought out or a quarter is flipped, and the winner carries off the bride. This scene was carried out on Wednesday night In a house on One Hundred and Second street, between First anil Second avenues. The object of the toss-up was a pretty little six tee n-y earmold Italian maiden who bad Just arrived from the sunny shores of the Mediterranean. From Castle Gar deu she had been taken by friends to house ou One Hundred and Fourth street, where she was welt cared for. Her dark brown eyes and olive skin oon made a furor of excitement among the young moo of the colony, and the girl was feted to a remarkable degree. She enjoyed the efforts made for her entertainment, and It was not long before Nealia Diego found two or three of the young fellows to be more than usually' Interested iu her. The three youths told her of their Inten tions, and she was present to be the wife of the lucky loser. The back room they used was dimly lighted by a candle, and the three, two of whom own fruit stands, while the third is a Ixiotblack. tossed away. There was auspense in that crowd un til it was settled that the bootblack was the wlunerof the girl, who clapped her bauds and threw herself in his arms. The other two congratulated him, and the party went to their homes. The bootblack's name Is (iilpo Men neo, and the two fruiterers are Angelo Cantelo and (usid Itounepl. In the Italian section these names are known as belonging to very respectable young med. AN INGENIOUS CIPHER. aw tha lnds f n Tltrntlv Into JnlL Borne years ago the friends of a Parisian thief adopted a decidedly unique method of earn-in g on clan destine correspondence with him while he was awaiting trial. One day the Jailer was visited by the prisoner's be trothed, who asked him to give her lover nn envelope. This upon being opened was found to contain simply a small lock of her hair, around which was folded a leaf of a book. The jailer diit not consider it worth his while to deliver this souvenir to the culprit, and therefore threw it aside. A day nrtwo later a similar in closure was hauded in nt the prison gate and shared the fate of its predecessor. In the course of a week another was left by the same person. This aroused the suspicion of the Governor of the prison to whom hai been detailed tbe cir cumstances Hj determined to inves tigate the meaning, and accordingly Urst examined the printed leaf. This he found wa torn from a novel and contained twenty-six lines on each side. Ho then turned his attention to the hair, and discovered that there were twenty-six pieces of unequal length. This puzzled htm for a while, and then suddenly jumping to the con clusion that there must be some con nection le t ween the number of the printed lines and the number of hairs, he laid each of the latter along the lino of the pa jre they respectively reached, beginning with the shortest hair, at the top of the leaf. After changing them about several times he discovered that each hair pointed to a different letter, and the combination thus produced formed a slang sentence, by menus of which the Itrisouer was given to understand that lis friends had ascertained the dav on which he was to be taken to court and were determined to make a bold at tempt to rescue him as soon as be made his appearance. Takiug the cue the Governor adopt ed every precaution to frustrate the well-laid plans of the outsiders; the at tempt was made nnd. us a natural con sequence, the conspirators soon found themselves in the same comUtion as the one for whom them had planned the rescue. A Vegetable Fly. J. M. R.." a St. Louis liepuOlie render, residing nt Waco. Texas, in closes the following curious account of the Won India "vegetable fly:" One of the most curious natural productions of the West Indies is the famed vegetable fly. au insect about the size and color of a drone bee. but without wing;. In the month of May it burios itself in the earth aud begins to vegetate. By the be;m n ing of June a sprout has issued from the creature's back and made Us appear ance above the surface of the ground. By the end of July the tiuy tree(knowu on the island ns'tho fly tree) has at tained its full size, being then about three inches high, but a perfect tree in every particular, much resembling a delicate coral branch. Pods appear on its branches as soon as it arrives at Hs full growth; these ripen and drop off in August. Iustead of containing seeds, as one would naturally suppose, the pods have from three to six small bard worms upon their interior. The pod soon shrivel up in the hot sun and bursts open on about the third day aft er becoming detached from the parent stem. The little worms roll out and bury themselves iu the sand, and, after undergoing the change incident to nil caterpillars, become flies, which, when tbe proper time comes, bury them selves iu the ground to furnish nourish ment for another miniature fly tree." v Yankee Ingenuity. A Maine man recently devised an apparatus with which a lazy man might set the kitchen lire agoing with out leaving-his bed, and now an in ventor in Madison has produced an arrangement by which the lamp lights itself on dark winter mornings when tbe alarm clock jingles. The mechan ism of the alarm lifts a catch that holds a piece of sand-paper under the point of a match. The sand-paper flies back, quickly igniting the match, which is inserted in a socket in the end of a plunger. As the match burns the plunger slowly descends into the chimney of the lamp to the burner, where it remains stationary for a few seconds, giving ample time for lighting the wick, and then returns it to its place free and clear of the lamp. "No getting up in tbe dark and fumbling for a matchr says the inventor; but. alas, you have to get up just the same, and there's the rub. Lewiston (Afe.) ewroeU. . LIFE ON A TORPEDO-BOAT TUm Worst Craft, bo OfflMr That M Kr SNtlad In. Life on a torpedo-boat In smooth water may be endurable, but naval it (11 cer s must look forward to taking such vessels from one Atlantic port to another with anything but anticipa tions nf comfort. A Ilritlsh nfllcer in the latest number of the Hnqlish Illus trated Magazine describes the horrors he suffered In a voyage across the At lantic lu one of theiie vessels which wns Intended for the defense of the Hnlirn harbor. She was 12ft feet long aud 13 feet broad at the widest part, and carried three officers nnd thirteen men, so that nt the beat there was listlo room to spare. Hut the rovaire was very stormy, although made in the month of June, and but for the assist ance of a big troopship which accom panied the two torpedo-boats the latter must have gone to the bottom. The oflicer expressed the opinion that is Impossible to keep a torpedo boat dry. aud nt any rate In his case the spare clothing fn his locker was soaked through ns badly nn that which he wore. The little vesol rolled so terribly that the picked sailors on board were very seasick eating bad to be accomplished without the aid of knives and forks, and the cooking that could be done was to boll a little water. To eat ham required the efforts of two men. one to hold the ham and the other to cut It, while the usual way of dealing with sardines was similar, oue per sou holding the box while the other lished out the sardines by their tails and transferred them to his mouth. Canned soup wan the great standby. Whenever the weather cleared a lit tle the torpedo-boat ran alongside of the troopship aud received a fresh sup ply of coal in sacks. 'I' he bunkers held so little that some of the sacks had to be piled up on deck, where, although they were lashed, it was difficult to keep them from going overboard. During the worst gale the troopship poured about forty-live gallons of oil overboard, nnd the torpedo-boat found a comparatively Bmooth track In Iter wake To the oil nud to the fact that the steering gear did not give way the officer attributes the survival of the little vessel. The officers were held In their berths bv boards rigged up for the purpose, and the men usually slept In the coal bunkers, ns It was too wet forward for them. During the gales everything was smashed that could be smashed, even to the swinging table In the cabin. Wheu the squadron finally reached Newfoundland it had long beeu over due, and the crews had been praved for in the churche. The toriwdo-boats were much the worse for the exwdi- tion.tue stanchions uelug ueut. o to ken. or gone altogether aud everything that could be washed overboard gone, while tbe men were worn out for luck of sleep. 'Of all the craft that ever I sailed lu," says the narrator, "the torpedo-boat is the worst the very worst without exception. HOW FAIR WOMEN WALK. Only m mrj Small fr On Know How to Io Tbla OrocwfaJljr. It's a very easy thing to do, walk ing, learned so long ago in every woman's vouth that she scarcely re members fiow or when she was taught to put one foot before the other, bow she learned to move with shambling or dignified motions; nnd so strong upon Tier is the force of habit long con tinued that rarely, rarely In later years of girl or young ladyhood, cau she be brought to a consciousness of the de fects in her carriage, and persuaded to alter them for more graceful move ment, as she passes to and fro upon the face of the earth. Just one out of twenty-five women seen passing down a crowded street know how to bold her body and how to lift up and set down her feet nat urally, says a writer in tbe Illustrated American. That is the result of long observation on the part of tbe writer, who, moreover, remarks that that one redeeming woman is but a passable walker. No, only that woman who goes in for athletic exercises, or has hearkened to long lectures from tite dress reform ers, ever takes thought, as to her daily bearing In public aud at home. It is sufficient that she is not hunch-backed or conspicuously ungraceful. and though she doesn't know it, all those long, flowing skirt draperies, from waist to foot, hide for her a multitude of what might almost be deformities ugly nn pleasing movements, that in a man go under the uncompromising terms of knock-kneed, bow-legged? splay-footed, and so on, but on her are hidden, and only obtrude by the un easy steps, switching skirts and lift of shoulders, by the weak droop of shoul ders, undignified bend of the head and poise of arms all of which go to make up the irregular outlines of an ugly figure. In those early days, when a toddling baby, much of this uubeautifulness of carriage was learned, uor was it cor rected; ami ns very few women con sider more than facial beauty neces sary for happiness, they never pause a moment before the mirror and regard attentively the cou tours of the body, and, walking back and forth, halt to judge whether the motion is regular and full of ease. He Didn't Want Any Smd. You can either beat a farmer as slick as grease or you can't beat him at all," said the patent hay fork man as we were talking about his adventures in the rural regions. "That is, he is either gullible or oversuspicious. Some will refuse a good thiug and some will snap at aswindlo. I think I cau illus trate my declarations right here, or at least one of them. The man in tbe seat over there is a farmer." "I should any so." "And he's oue of the sort who sus pects every stranger. Watch me try him." He took a cake of toilet soap from his satchel and going over to the farmer saluted him iu a pleasant manner, and added: "I have a new make of soap here which I am introducing to the pnblic It is worth fifteen cents a cake, but I make the price only five." Don't want it.' was the gruff reply. "With every cake goes a $3 green back, a gold bracelet, the deed of a town lot iu Kansas, a pocket knife, a pair of eye-glasses, and a solid gold ring." "Don't want ero, sir!" "As I want your opinion of the soap I will give it to you." "I woo't lake it!" "But, sir, in order to introduce it into your neighborhood I will give you 100 cakes free, and ut the- same time leave five watches and live deeds to town lots." "Look-a-here!" shouted the farmer as he jumped up and spat on his hauds. "You go away from me or I'll mash you! I'm on to your tricks, old man, and if you think you have picked up a hayseed, you are barking up the wrong tree." And the hay-fork man had to move lively to escape the blow levelled at hi nose. Stamping; lfaue on Iron. Experiment has proved that if a delicate piece of lace be placed between an iron plate and a disk of gunpowder and the latter be detonated the lace will bo annihilated but its impression will be clearly stamued ou the iron. TypefoundrY And Printers Warehouse, 400.11 i The favorite Printers' Sapply Rouse of tfes Padfle Coast. Prompt, bqaarc and Pro- mrrnmlvm. Btocfc complete, represents tbe latent ati4 best of tit K a tern Market. Type and Kale ail oa the Point ftyetem. Mo obso lete style. vacifio coast aossrra worn Conner V. Type Foundry, Mew York. HtrnHort' i. w. 1 jpe foumiry, v,mcttjco. Benton, Waldo Ac Co'f self-Bpacttif; Type. Babeock Cylinder, Colt's Armory tmp'd OnlTemal, Chandler and Prfee Oordon Preeeeo Peertene Prcaeea and Cntteae Economic Paper Cotter, fiimona' Cane and Pnmrtore, OoldlnC Preea and Tool. Bed; wick Paper Jogfen, Key atone Quoin, Paae'a Wood Type, Ink and Koflem, Tablet Composition, Bte NCWSPAPCR ON TMB HO Ml PLAN. Complete Otttflt and the ftmalteet Order meet wita the Mine careful and prompt attention. Bpecimen book mailed on a it cation. AddrcM all index to HAWKS & SHATTUOK, 4O0 Whinrton Bt Nb Prane4eo, In scale injnrinff yonr trees and dbtiffur injr your frnitt htlte mildew threatening your grapes and vinewi Is the curb-leaf making yonr trees weak leafleMSt Are vunr Peara and Apples wormyand hid- '- to sigfati Are tne bkffiHoms dnipning aud trees login; their fruit ( Tlien mte fr thw dentrnerttoei mI prwvaittlo) thai waali which earn bo a efTnetlvetjr apull! tn Mmmfit aa In wbitor. THE I. X. L. COMPOUND. SIS CAUrORNIA WT ROOM 5, iak rAciauu. is N b o KTvM oTir, flnh M.. bet. JHwnl aooj -ry A Manaoma, S. P. Conducted "D tyfth tite Eurupean aud Amtrlrai plntt. This fnvfffile hUfI is UM'lcrr the exjrl-eu-l maiiAettmeut ottHARLUI Bf OMT4MJM F. 1 1 V , and la a go"d, U not Uie treat. Family and Bulrtea Men' U"tei In ana Prancuie. Horn cuntttrxm, eulalne nnx!ild, ft rat cIjm e,rvtot ami tate bl;hat atandard of rMpnrttHilty cuaran ted. Board and room per day 91. 'M to Wi. ftln tj room Hie to 1 1. Krw cacb to aad (rum hotel. FAT'S WATETR-PIIOOF MANILLA . KOOFING. Mint;, Cell In;, fUtcattla Ae. red extenslTely on Bonaee, Parlea, War nou, etc. Alwoloiely water-proof. Bend S for Illustrated Catalogue and Sam plea. J. WYMAN, General agent for Pad Ac OoaaL SO MARKET STREET, aVAM PRAHC1SO THEE WASH. Pewdered 93 1-180 Caustic Sods. BHEEP WUH. Catmrt'. CwMto. For Ml. by T. w- ivmm For mi. by T. W. Jtok arm vu., oui. iimu, vw 1MTKM St., Hm Ini BLAKE, M0FFITT ft TOWlfE, ook, News, wmriNo and wkappino I -A. I E H, S Card Stook. Straw and BtBHlora' Bor4. Patent Machine-made Baaw. ns to ns i t Questional Museum of Aaatoavy Stkkct, bl !h and HI., H F Kn!rxrd, where ibufl&4a f InMrot 44ta Hi"? tw mm. olleted In lur'TM ml a - at Sfro.AnQ. Tliia I b otilv Mnwnn. t.f aid oftltaftorkr Mtmtlt IMab-li-IXHt tS jrara. Go bJ h taught h, wm4rfnl(T T-n uw ma, and kuw u ana dtom. Entrant ftir Ia4!aa Coamlutiuti frwe. Send far Book. MONEY; Oan be made eaer br raJalntTChlckens. Our larce 93-dam II In. tratad Catalogue tel la all about Incunaxira. Brooders what to taedt chicken. In fact all all tbe aemreta nf the chicken buiUaeaa. If yon only keep bair a doaen bene yoa need thl book. It ffiree mor Information than many of the books cold at as eenta 1 We aend It free on re ceipt of eeute to pay PET ALU MA INCUBATOR CO- Petal am a. Cal. IKSIKUMtNIS fetor? IU 72S AKITT ST. 3m ' -f, SHOES I Child button, heels and tips, slont to 8, SO to OS cents; Misses goat, lace, everyday heels, 11 to 70 cents; Mlsse ejoat, lace, everyday heels, 1 to 2. 85 cents; Child coat, lace, every day heels, 6 to 10, 60 and 66 cents; Ijtdles goat, lace, everyday durable special. SI; Ladles goat, button, neat style, SI. 30; L&dlos kid, button, all sixes to 7. SI. 50; Ladles slippers, fair quality, neat. 7S cents: Ladies low cut shoes, latest fanblon. SI BO; If Lsses cloth and kid, lace, 11 to t3J-. 50 cents; liens low cut shoe, summer wear. Si; Mens low cut shoes, better quality, S1.2S. Job lots of shoes of first quality bought here and there at reduced prices, will be offered to our patrons at the smallest margin of profit, ir you want to see a full list of these ask tor March Home Circle. It Is worth your while to look It over. Cost you nothing bat the trouble of sending yonr name and address to 8iala Casb Hi ore. 416 and 418 Front St.. 8. F, R. HALL'S Pulmonary Balsam. A SniMrior BemMly tor AU Throat and Lang Troubles, Asthma, Coaghs, Colds, Croup, Whoopuif Cofa, Influenza, Bronchitis. Loss of Voice, noarsenett ' And Incipient Consamptiom, Baadllr rtoM to ,ts HcaUaa Hi.. PRICE 50 CENTS. J. R. GATES & CO., Prop'ra. Ten men were killed and several in jured by an explosion in a coal mine at Apedale, Staffordshire, April 3. Germany is alarmed by a belief that Russia and France have formed an offensive and defensive alliance. Booth of the Salvation Army is very ill. . Emanuel Jarrez, a railroad work man, went to sleep on a railroad bridge near Sumner and was killed by a train. W. A. Clark of Kansas was run over and killed by a train at Puyallup March 29.