Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Junction City bulletin. (Junction City, Or.) 189?-1901 | View Entire Issue (June 6, 1901)
The Keutmky Tallor-Whnt slue will you have those hlp-poekets pint or quart? Yonkers Statesman. The Woman Doctor, I have an aw fully tired fooling The Iootor Ah! Let uie see your tongue. Brooklyn Life. "Have you heard the story of the onion?" asked Wattles of lVttlgrew. No? Well, dou't breathe It to a soul." Cleveland Spectator. Little Edith Parkvllle-Ma! Mrs. rarkvllle What's the matter? Little Edith Parkville-Charlle Is lying on the sofa and he's got his head on one of the pillows Brooklyn Eagle. Not for Ills Health: Hubbubs-Why are you moving from your suburban home? Subbubs I am all run down. Hubbubs Malaria? Subbubs No; gos sipy neighbors. Philadelphia- Record. How to Pine Well: He was hungry and In funds. "Waiter, here's a dollar. Now suggest a good dinner for me. Walter (lu a serious whisper) CJo to some other restaurant, sir. Philadel phia Times. "No. I won't give you a piece of my apple," snapped his sister. "And who was It," the boy Inquired, reproach fully, "that spoiled the piano so you didn't have to practice for a week?" Philadelphia Times. Willie (crying) Mamma boo-hoo! Joe hit me with a great big brick. Boo hoo! Mamma And what did you do to him. dear? Willie I hit him gently with that same little brick he threw at me. Harper's Bazar. Bobbs Old Tittewadd is about dead from insomnia. Says he is afraid to go to sleep. Dobbs Does he fear burg lars? Bobbs No; but the last time he slept he dreamed of giving away his money. Baltimore American. First Long Island Hen Wha a stu dious young rooster Mr. Plymouth is. always burning the midnight oil. Second Long Island Hen Well It Is hereditary with him. You know his mother was a kerosene Incubator. "I didn't know Bragg was a pub lisher." "A publisher? Who told you he was?" "He did. He said he was 'a disseminator of light literature.' " "Huh! He's a bill clerk In the employ (tt the gas company." Philadelphia Press. Little 4-year-old Harry had been whipped by his father for telling a falsehood, and he ran to his mother for consolation. "When I was your age I never told a falsehood," said his moth er. "When did you begin, mamma?" asked Harry.-Tit-Bits. "What is the use of a man's getting Into a crowd and yelling, as he does at a base-ball game?" "Great heavens!" to do It In a crowd. If he were to go away by himself and yell In that man ner they would have him in a lunatic asylum In less than a week." Wash ington Star. Tess He's awful handsome, don't you. think? Jess Handsome Is that handsome does. He had the Imperti nence last night to tell me that he was going to kiss me the first chance he got, and Tess Weren't you Indig nant, though? Tess I should say. He didn't keep his promise. Philadelphia Press. Disadvantage of Strange Surround ings: Mrs. Bingo You are perfectly welcome to another piece of cake. Wil lie, but I am afraid it will make you sick. Your mother told me particular ly to give you but one piece. Willie Simpson That's all very well, but I don't know where the pantry Is here. Leslie's Weekly. "I would give you my seat, sir," said the fair young girl to the pale man who was hanging to a strap In the street car, "but I'm very tired. I have sat through a matinee performance of Ran tem, the actor." "Never mind, madam," said the pale man, taking a fresh grip on the strap. "I am Rantem, the actor." Baltimore American. Lacked Reciprocity: "I haven't much use for Bllthersley," said the proud pa pa. "Why," asked the proud mamma. "I listened to him for an hour to-day while he told me about what his baby had said, or tried to say, and Just as I was about to tell him about ours he left me, saying he had to catch a train." Baltimore American. Early Rising: "Pat," said the man ager to one of his workmen, "you must be an early riser. I always find you at work the first thing In the morn ing." "Indade, aud Ol am. sir. It's a family trait, Ol'in thinking." "Then your father Is an early riser, too?" "Me father. Is It? He rolses that early that If he went to bed a little later he'd meet himself getting up in the mornlnV'-Tit Bias. After the Supreme Court Decision: Excited Man (at long-distance tele phone) I want to talk to Fargo, N. D.I Voice (at central station) You'll have to wait a few minutes. Line's busy. Twenty-seven others husbands are try ing to tell their wives to come home, Chicago Tribune. WAVE SAVEO T SHIPS. Interposed In Time to Prevent m Srl ou Col: U tun. Captain Huron of the British ship Cawdor, from Newcastle, N. S., tells of a narrow escape his vessel had from colliding near the Australian coast with the schooner Uolden Shore. . A hurri cane was raging wheu the ships nearly came together, and a big wave which came along at the opportune moment averted a disaster. The Uolden Shore Is owned lu San Francisco and was lumber laden. The Cawdor was lu ballast, and gale arose. In a few bouts Its fury be came terrible. CaptiMn Burch soou re alized the folly of sailing lu such a sea, and every yard of canvas was stripped from the masts. There was nothing to do but drift.- and this the ship did for some time. Soon the bare masts of the Golden Shore hove lu sight, she also drifting rapidly In the storm. As the ships nca rod one another their positions became perilous. The terri fied crews were unable to control them and looked for nothing but the sinking of one or both of the vessels. The Caw dor bore straight down toward the big schooner with a force that meant de struction. But a few seconds more and the ves sels would have crashed together had uot something occurred that tilled the sailors with wonder. A groat wave, as If conscience-stricken, rose between the craft aud turned the nose of the Cawdor Just enough to prevent the crash that seemed unavoidable. She Just missed the (loldou Short'. So close were the vessels as the ship4lled broadside by the schooner that one could have Jumped from the Cawdor to the Golden Shore, Captain Burch says. When the vessels slipped by one an other a cheer went up from one hun dred voices. The Golden Shore drift ed on. but In the distance It was seen that she had turned completely around. The Cawdor was uninjured. -San Fran cisco Call. Woman Must j Machinery, Implements, Farm Supplies, Etc. Steep Avoid Ncrvou Prostration, If you are Jangeruusly sick what i. the rfrst duty of your physician ? lie i quiet the nervous system, he deadens I the pain, and ? ep well. You ought i know that when you ' ceased to be ngular to your course, ( prow trrttnm wunout cause, ana m alucple J'gbts, there la serious FREE TO FARMERS 114 7 Mm. lUaTlRT. tl Jtible eomemere, and nerroua prot- ti tion is nureso follow. You ought U know that indirection, exhaustion, womb displacement, fainting, duxsicsa, headache, and backache send the nerves wild with affright, and yiu cannot bleep, Mrs. Uartley of til W. Congress St., Chicago, 111., those portrait we pub ltsh, suffered til those agonloa, and was entirely nred by Lydia K. Pink ham's Vegetable Compound ; her case should be u vnrning to others, and her cure carry n vidian to the minds of every suffering woman of the un filling efficient? of Lydl R Plnkhaoi a Vegetable Ct abound. Our 1901 Vehicle Book Our 1901 Implement Catalogue JUST ISSUED. seiut your nam an.t P. O. a.Mro. and w. ADVANCE THRESHER CO. Fat-lory, (Utile Crevk, Michigan. Wo We rwnt atmva a cut of lha latt au4 nnl iM.uiir Traction Outline Imilt. ! .. .. ..... . Ij ... - . will mall on or Unit, a deatrixt. fr of , Ki.ninr. si.r.i.,r. .,i lutt.,n.l,t .1.1. ....! Charg. t (, ami Invit otir frlmtiU In rail ami Iiiikn'( m ir Mm u (ur drivrltiv catalogue suit circular.. Mitchell, Lewis & Staver Co., rirnt anil Taylor Hia. I'OUTI.A.N I), OR. AIIVtNCK Til It Kilt Kit DO,, Nti. Via KroMl M , 1'iirlUnd, Oregoa, Or call upon our uraretl agent. Chas. L. Mastick & Co. 75 r,KUnn0,t CASH ItUYKKS OF IIIDKS, PF.I.TS AND TALLOW. Consignment aoikited. Pay iilghent markd prhe. PKOMIT HKTURN9. Ieater in leather aud Finding. Refer to Wells, Fargo A Co. Ilauk, Portlaud, Oregon. r it nun n jtktvi i MtJhiiV wlilt wbUb reiialrlni tan b done nratly ami to aiay. ff Tho .rli iloi( nf Wall l"lar, ti llici only matrrlat LAND PLASTER WHAT THE FOOL SAID. Story of an Earaeat reeker, a Qaota tion an J Who Wrote It. An Ignoramus, not knowing the au thor of the line "Though lost to night, to memory dear," appealed to a per son of discretion. "You don't mean to tell me you don't know?" laughed the person of discretion so rudely that the ignoramus slunk away ashamed. Plucking up his courage he approach ed a diplomatist: "The same author that penned the Hue 'Consistency, thou art a Jewel," was the answer. The Ignoramus asked a man who la never caught napping. "Of courwe I know the author," said the man who is never caught napping. "It's ahem confound It, I've forgotten. The name Is on the very tip of my tongue, but how stu pid I know perfectly well, you know, but your asking me has knocked ' it clear out of my head." The Ignoramus went to a wise man and told him ail. "Three separate students upon three separate occasions were asked three different question," said the wise man. oracularly. "The first question was, 'What was the exact number of the ancient Greek chorus?' the second, 'What Is the cnuse of the aurora bore alls?' the third, 'What Is the source of animal heat?' To each question each students gave the same answer, 'I know,4 but I've forgotten.' and each Instructor, It Is said, made the same comment, 'To think that the only man who ever knew should have for gotten!' Still mystified, the' Ignoramus asked a fool there was no doubt about his lelng a fool, because everyltody laid so. Ills answer proved It. "I don't know," said the fool. New York Even ing Sun. The IJridc'a Lust Word. "Now, my dear, don't forget that you must walk down the aisle with dignity. There Is no hurry. Keep time to the music and look as Indifferent as you possibly can." "But, mother, I have no ear for mu sic, and how can I keep time?" "Well, anyway, don't run." "But, mother, you must remember that It Is a long way from the door to the altar, and George is so fidgety. He'd have plenty of time to change his mind if the inarch was a slow one. and he's my very last chance. If a sprint is necessary, mamma. I'll splint and don't you forget It." Cleveland Plain Denier. AemiU wanted In avery town. If yuu ttevu iipvtr mM II arm! ami l a trial lot. It will ay you. for information aiMrot THE ADAMANT OO., loot of K(U Street, Portland, Ory. "TV TESTED MD TRUE w Springtime Resolutions KKK Ileoloy Cure in Sure relief frii J.uuor. opium ami tobawtf , ha 1)1 la. .3mt for partlrulur to Kseley Institute. MoirJ.Z ".V"""" OS X. P. N. O. What Does It Cost? We have just issued an excellent little Cat alogue on Fence Mibjocts. Hull illustrations; all the newest hence information. A postal catd will bring it to you. Portland Anchor Fence Co. 742 Nicolai St., Portland, Or. Vt S V! t uaottoo thia paper. VCTTS-wSC: The nearest. "We are resolved," exclaimed the savages, "to sell our liberty as dearly as possible." "Then why don't you raflie It off?" we shouted back at them through the gathering gloom. For we deemed It only Just to give them to understand, definitely and at once, that we, even although we were thoroughly British, were yet not de void of the sense of humor. Detroit Journal. Opposed to Drinking Troughs. Medical opinion In Loudon Is strong ly against street drinking troughs for horses, as disseminators of glanderous material. Too many men in this country vote as they pray and they never prny un less it is to ask a personal favor. DEAT begins In the bowels. It's the unclean places that breed infectious epidemics, and it's the unclean body unclean in sidethat "catches" the disease. A person whose stomach and bowels are kept clean and whose liver is live ly, and blood pure, is safe against yel low fever, or any other of the dread ful diseases that desolate our beautiful land. Some of the cleanest people outside are filthiest inside, and they are the ones who not only "catch" the Infections, hilt rfnr4nntyor Ut 1lro of all their friends and relatives. There's only one certain way of keeping clean inside so as to prevent disease and that is to take CASCARETS. a 4 at at at. A A A . rertect dismiectant and bowel strengtheners. All dise HiniiiB m PREVENTED BY & m m m m r m " TONIG ' 10c 25c 50c. ALL DRUGGISTS. tff" kewel tronblea. appendleHta, Ml. I 1 1 1 J I louaneaa, bad breath, bad blood, wind I III 111 on th atomach, bloated bow.la, foal W W 1 1 lat moatb, headache. Indlareatlon, plmplea, palna after eatlaft liver trouble, aaflowr complexion and dlzzlneaa. when roar bowel don't move regua larljr you are getting alck. Conatlpatlon kllla mora people than all ether dlaeaaea together. It la a a tartar fer the chronic allmenu and long yeara of enlTerlng that coma afterward. No matter what all yon, start taking CAKCAHKTft to-day, for yon will never get well and be well all the tlane until you put your bowel right. Take our advice; atari with ;AM'ARKTS to-day, under an abaolut guar aula to cur or money refunded ha NEVER SOLD IN BULK. miflDflUTCCn Wsissm IIIIHIlMkl I I r II ?' wlla in m world. '1 hi. I. abwtlnta nrmr r rrai man 1. nnu our h.t taatlnoalal. W k... ritk .a4 will ..lldjCHtT. ab..l.eir ,o.VeV ? ; ' aim mlllloa baaea . "I vt or iiw(Trfinua. wa ar totlar. tw.aa.hsi.,, t. then a mone fair. ", iifr.iini o,, soo box, retar tba anua.d to bo and tba enaitty box ta ua by Bali, or th druawt.t froa 7r-' yoar noafiy nark """-" - ""''"-nn raaiiar what all. ton --' "TV. ""y raiiow ana van will b ".wrirn iffo'HAai;aMKi a. for both tart to. Jt K1 Booh fre by maU,