The Keutmky Tallor-Whnt slue will
you have those hlp-poekets pint or
quart? Yonkers Statesman.
The Woman Doctor, I have an aw
fully tired fooling The Iootor Ah!
Let uie see your tongue. Brooklyn
Life.
"Have you heard the story of the
onion?" asked Wattles of lVttlgrew.
No? Well, dou't breathe It to a soul."
Cleveland Spectator.
Little Edith Parkvllle-Ma! Mrs.
rarkvllle What's the matter? Little
Edith Parkville-Charlle Is lying on
the sofa and he's got his head on one
of the pillows Brooklyn Eagle.
Not for Ills Health: Hubbubs-Why
are you moving from your suburban
home? Subbubs I am all run down.
Hubbubs Malaria? Subbubs No; gos
sipy neighbors. Philadelphia- Record.
How to Pine Well: He was hungry
and In funds. "Waiter, here's a dollar.
Now suggest a good dinner for me.
Walter (lu a serious whisper) CJo to
some other restaurant, sir. Philadel
phia Times.
"No. I won't give you a piece of my
apple," snapped his sister. "And who
was It," the boy Inquired, reproach
fully, "that spoiled the piano so you
didn't have to practice for a week?"
Philadelphia Times.
Willie (crying) Mamma boo-hoo!
Joe hit me with a great big brick. Boo
hoo! Mamma And what did you do
to him. dear? Willie I hit him gently
with that same little brick he threw at
me. Harper's Bazar.
Bobbs Old Tittewadd is about dead
from insomnia. Says he is afraid to
go to sleep. Dobbs Does he fear burg
lars? Bobbs No; but the last time he
slept he dreamed of giving away his
money. Baltimore American.
First Long Island Hen Wha a stu
dious young rooster Mr. Plymouth
is. always burning the midnight oil.
Second Long Island Hen Well It Is
hereditary with him. You know his
mother was a kerosene Incubator.
"I didn't know Bragg was a pub
lisher." "A publisher? Who told you
he was?" "He did. He said he was
'a disseminator of light literature.' "
"Huh! He's a bill clerk In the employ
(tt the gas company." Philadelphia
Press.
Little 4-year-old Harry had been
whipped by his father for telling a
falsehood, and he ran to his mother for
consolation. "When I was your age I
never told a falsehood," said his moth
er. "When did you begin, mamma?"
asked Harry.-Tit-Bits.
"What is the use of a man's getting
Into a crowd and yelling, as he does at
a base-ball game?" "Great heavens!"
to do It In a crowd. If he were to go
away by himself and yell In that man
ner they would have him in a lunatic
asylum In less than a week." Wash
ington Star.
Tess He's awful handsome, don't
you. think? Jess Handsome Is that
handsome does. He had the Imperti
nence last night to tell me that he was
going to kiss me the first chance he
got, and Tess Weren't you Indig
nant, though? Tess I should say. He
didn't keep his promise. Philadelphia
Press.
Disadvantage of Strange Surround
ings: Mrs. Bingo You are perfectly
welcome to another piece of cake. Wil
lie, but I am afraid it will make you
sick. Your mother told me particular
ly to give you but one piece. Willie
Simpson That's all very well, but I
don't know where the pantry Is here.
Leslie's Weekly.
"I would give you my seat, sir," said
the fair young girl to the pale man who
was hanging to a strap In the street
car, "but I'm very tired. I have sat
through a matinee performance of Ran
tem, the actor." "Never mind, madam,"
said the pale man, taking a fresh grip
on the strap. "I am Rantem, the
actor." Baltimore American.
Lacked Reciprocity: "I haven't much
use for Bllthersley," said the proud pa
pa. "Why," asked the proud mamma.
"I listened to him for an hour to-day
while he told me about what his baby
had said, or tried to say, and Just as I
was about to tell him about ours he
left me, saying he had to catch a
train." Baltimore American.
Early Rising: "Pat," said the man
ager to one of his workmen, "you
must be an early riser. I always find
you at work the first thing In the morn
ing." "Indade, aud Ol am. sir. It's a
family trait, Ol'in thinking." "Then
your father Is an early riser, too?"
"Me father. Is It? He rolses that early
that If he went to bed a little later
he'd meet himself getting up in the
mornlnV'-Tit Bias.
After the Supreme Court Decision:
Excited Man (at long-distance tele
phone) I want to talk to Fargo, N. D.I
Voice (at central station) You'll have
to wait a few minutes. Line's busy.
Twenty-seven others husbands are try
ing to tell their wives to come home,
Chicago Tribune.
WAVE SAVEO T
SHIPS.
Interposed In Time to Prevent m Srl
ou Col: U tun.
Captain Huron of the British ship
Cawdor, from Newcastle, N. S., tells of
a narrow escape his vessel had from
colliding near the Australian coast with
the schooner Uolden Shore. . A hurri
cane was raging wheu the ships nearly
came together, and a big wave which
came along at the opportune moment
averted a disaster. The Uolden Shore
Is owned lu San Francisco and was
lumber laden.
The Cawdor was lu ballast, and
gale arose. In a few bouts Its fury be
came terrible. CaptiMn Burch soou re
alized the folly of sailing lu such a sea,
and every yard of canvas was stripped
from the masts. There was nothing to
do but drift.- and this the ship did for
some time. Soon the bare masts of the
Golden Shore hove lu sight, she also
drifting rapidly In the storm.
As the ships nca rod one another their
positions became perilous. The terri
fied crews were unable to control them
and looked for nothing but the sinking
of one or both of the vessels. The Caw
dor bore straight down toward the big
schooner with a force that meant de
struction. But a few seconds more and the ves
sels would have crashed together had
uot something occurred that tilled the
sailors with wonder. A groat wave, as
If conscience-stricken, rose between
the craft aud turned the nose of the
Cawdor Just enough to prevent the
crash that seemed unavoidable. She
Just missed the (loldou Short'. So
close were the vessels as the ship4lled
broadside by the schooner that one
could have Jumped from the Cawdor
to the Golden Shore, Captain Burch
says.
When the vessels slipped by one an
other a cheer went up from one hun
dred voices. The Golden Shore drift
ed on. but In the distance It was seen
that she had turned completely around.
The Cawdor was uninjured. -San Fran
cisco Call.
Woman Must j Machinery, Implements,
Farm Supplies, Etc.
Steep
Avoid Ncrvou Prostration,
If you are Jangeruusly sick what i.
the rfrst duty of your physician ? lie i
quiet the nervous system, he deadens I
the pain, and ? ep well.
You ought i know that when you '
ceased to be ngular to your course, (
prow trrttnm wunout cause, ana
m alucple J'gbts, there la serious
FREE TO FARMERS
114
7
Mm. lUaTlRT.
tl Jtible eomemere, and nerroua prot-
ti tion is nureso follow.
You ought U know that indirection,
exhaustion, womb displacement,
fainting, duxsicsa, headache, and
backache send the nerves wild with
affright, and yiu cannot bleep,
Mrs. Uartley of til W. Congress St.,
Chicago, 111., those portrait we pub
ltsh, suffered til those agonloa, and
was entirely nred by Lydia K. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound ; her case
should be u vnrning to others, and
her cure carry n vidian to the minds
of every suffering woman of the un
filling efficient? of Lydl R Plnkhaoi a
Vegetable Ct abound.
Our 1901 Vehicle Book
Our 1901 Implement Catalogue
JUST ISSUED.
seiut your nam an.t P. O. a.Mro. and w.
ADVANCE THRESHER CO.
Fat-lory, (Utile Crevk, Michigan.
Wo
We rwnt atmva a cut of lha latt au4
nnl iM.uiir Traction Outline Imilt.
! .. .. ..... . Ij ... - .
will mall on or Unit, a deatrixt. fr of , Ki.ninr. si.r.i.,r. .,i lutt.,n.l,t .1.1. ....!
Charg. t (, ami Invit otir frlmtiU In rail ami Iiiikn'(
m ir Mm u (ur drivrltiv catalogue suit
circular..
Mitchell, Lewis & Staver Co.,
rirnt anil Taylor Hia. I'OUTI.A.N I), OR.
AIIVtNCK Til It Kilt Kit DO,,
Nti. Via KroMl M , 1'iirlUnd, Oregoa,
Or call upon our uraretl agent.
Chas. L. Mastick & Co. 75 r,KUnn0,t
CASH ItUYKKS OF IIIDKS, PF.I.TS AND TALLOW.
Consignment aoikited. Pay iilghent markd prhe. PKOMIT HKTURN9.
Ieater in leather aud Finding.
Refer to Wells, Fargo A Co. Ilauk, Portlaud, Oregon.
r it nun n jtktvi
i MtJhiiV wlilt wbUb reiialrlni tan b done nratly ami to aiay.
ff Tho .rli iloi( nf Wall l"lar, ti llici only matrrlat
LAND PLASTER
WHAT THE FOOL SAID.
Story of an Earaeat reeker, a Qaota
tion an J Who Wrote It.
An Ignoramus, not knowing the au
thor of the line "Though lost to night,
to memory dear," appealed to a per
son of discretion. "You don't mean
to tell me you don't know?" laughed
the person of discretion so rudely that
the ignoramus slunk away ashamed.
Plucking up his courage he approach
ed a diplomatist: "The same author
that penned the Hue 'Consistency, thou
art a Jewel," was the answer. The
Ignoramus asked a man who la never
caught napping. "Of courwe I know
the author," said the man who is never
caught napping. "It's ahem confound
It, I've forgotten. The name Is on the
very tip of my tongue, but how stu
pid I know perfectly well, you know,
but your asking me has knocked ' it
clear out of my head." The Ignoramus
went to a wise man and told him ail.
"Three separate students upon three
separate occasions were asked three
different question," said the wise
man. oracularly. "The first question
was, 'What was the exact number of
the ancient Greek chorus?' the second,
'What Is the cnuse of the aurora bore
alls?' the third, 'What Is the source of
animal heat?' To each question each
students gave the same answer, 'I
know,4 but I've forgotten.' and
each Instructor, It Is said, made the
same comment, 'To think that the only
man who ever knew should have for
gotten!' Still mystified, the' Ignoramus
asked a fool there was no doubt about
his lelng a fool, because everyltody
laid so. Ills answer proved It. "I don't
know," said the fool. New York Even
ing Sun.
The IJridc'a Lust Word.
"Now, my dear, don't forget that you
must walk down the aisle with dignity.
There Is no hurry. Keep time to the
music and look as Indifferent as you
possibly can."
"But, mother, I have no ear for mu
sic, and how can I keep time?"
"Well, anyway, don't run."
"But, mother, you must remember
that It Is a long way from the door to
the altar, and George is so fidgety.
He'd have plenty of time to change
his mind if the inarch was a slow one.
and he's my very last chance. If a
sprint is necessary, mamma. I'll splint
and don't you forget It." Cleveland
Plain Denier.
AemiU wanted In avery town.
If yuu ttevu iipvtr mM II arm! ami l a trial
lot. It will ay you. for information aiMrot
THE ADAMANT OO.,
loot of K(U Street, Portland, Ory.
"TV
TESTED MD TRUE
w
Springtime Resolutions
KKK Ileoloy Cure in
Sure relief frii J.uuor. opium ami tobawtf ,
ha 1)1 la. .3mt for partlrulur to
Kseley Institute. MoirJ.Z ".V""""
OS
X. P. N. O.
What Does It Cost?
We have just issued an excellent little Cat
alogue on Fence Mibjocts. Hull illustrations;
all the newest hence information. A postal
catd will bring it to you.
Portland Anchor Fence Co.
742 Nicolai St., Portland, Or.
Vt
S
V!
t
uaottoo thia paper. VCTTS-wSC:
The nearest.
"We are resolved," exclaimed the
savages, "to sell our liberty as dearly
as possible."
"Then why don't you raflie It off?"
we shouted back at them through the
gathering gloom.
For we deemed It only Just to give
them to understand, definitely and at
once, that we, even although we were
thoroughly British, were yet not de
void of the sense of humor. Detroit
Journal.
Opposed to Drinking Troughs.
Medical opinion In Loudon Is strong
ly against street drinking troughs for
horses, as disseminators of glanderous
material.
Too many men in this country vote
as they pray and they never prny un
less it is to ask a personal favor.
DEAT
begins In the bowels. It's the unclean
places that breed infectious epidemics,
and it's the unclean body unclean in
sidethat "catches" the disease. A
person whose stomach and bowels
are kept clean and whose liver is live
ly, and blood pure, is safe against yel
low fever, or any other of the dread
ful diseases that desolate our beautiful
land. Some of the cleanest people
outside are filthiest inside, and they
are the ones who not only "catch"
the Infections, hilt rfnr4nntyor Ut 1lro
of all their friends and relatives. There's only one certain way of keeping
clean inside so as to prevent disease and that is to take CASCARETS.
a 4 at at at. A A A .
rertect dismiectant and bowel strengtheners. All dise
HiniiiB m
PREVENTED BY
& m m m m r m
" TONIG '
10c
25c 50c.
ALL DRUGGISTS.
tff" kewel tronblea. appendleHta, Ml.
I 1 1 1 J I louaneaa, bad breath, bad blood, wind
I III 111 on th atomach, bloated bow.la, foal
W W 1 1 lat moatb, headache. Indlareatlon, plmplea,
palna after eatlaft liver trouble, aaflowr complexion
and dlzzlneaa. when roar bowel don't move regua
larljr you are getting alck. Conatlpatlon kllla mora
people than all ether dlaeaaea together. It la a
a tartar fer the chronic allmenu and long yeara of
enlTerlng that coma afterward. No matter what
all yon, start taking CAKCAHKTft to-day, for yon
will never get well and be well all the tlane until
you put your bowel right. Take our advice; atari
with ;AM'ARKTS to-day, under an abaolut guar
aula to cur or money refunded ha
NEVER
SOLD IN BULK.
miflDflUTCCn Wsissm
IIIIHIlMkl I I r II ?' wlla
in m world. '1 hi. I. abwtlnta nrmr r
rrai man 1. nnu our h.t taatlnoalal. W k... ritk .a4
will ..lldjCHtT. ab..l.eir ,o.VeV ? ;
' aim mlllloa baaea
. "I vt or
iiw(Trfinua. wa ar totlar. tw.aa.hsi.,, t. then a
mone
fair.
", iifr.iini o,, soo box, retar tba anua.d to
bo and tba enaitty box ta ua by Bali, or th druawt.t froa
7r-' yoar noafiy nark
"""-" - ""''"-nn raaiiar what all. ton
--' "TV. ""y raiiow ana van will b
".wrirn iffo'HAai;aMKi a.
for both
tart to.
Jt K1 Booh fre by maU,