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About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 22, 1916)
T BUYING A GIFT FORJIS WIFE This Man Had Plenty of Help While on a Shopping Tour. HE male shopper walked up and down tho ulsle of the big store looking about lilin with an ex pression of despair. Ik knew what ho wanted " to huy all right. It wasn't that. ISut he kept wandering about looking at the saleswomen be hind the counter with all the perplex ity of a dog trying to recall where he had burled a soup bono. He stood off to one side staring In tently at a buny young creature with dark bay hair behind the ribbon coun ter, and nt last wulkcd up within talk ing distance. "Don't suppose you can leave here for a few minutes, can you?" he be gan in a low tone." "W-h-a-tl" "I say never mind. I mean wult a minute I'll be back." And he rushed nwuy to hide his enn fuslon from the otlu'r shoppers. lie did not return, but went over to an other aisle and began sizing up peo ple there, both In front and behind the counters. Wag the man bughouse? No. Just be patient and you'll hear all about it. He kept looking and looking, and at last his gaze took In a tall young wom anreasonably young with a bunch of small packages tucked under her arm. He walked up to her, hesltuted, and then blurted: "ling pardon, madam, but may I Bpenk to you a mo ment?" She gave him a look and started to hurry away, but he was obliged, liav- kttATIWC-.' "Don't You Suppose You Can Leave Here for a Few Minutes?" Ing gone that fur, to make good and convince her of tho innocence of his motives. "Don't be alarmed," he suld, cuteh lng up with her. "I'm not trying to flirt or get fresh. Honestly, now, I'm not in the habit of speaking to wom en I dofl't know. Look me over and you'll see that I'm well-meaning enough. But the fact Is you-ah, you ah, you're Just the same size as my wife apparently I And" The womun gasped. 'I don't see " she began. "Oh, but I want to ask a favor of you," wont on the male shopper, more nt ease now. "I've looked all over the saleswomen and tho only one that would c!o was busy behind tho ribbon counter, but you're just precisely what I need oh, I beg your pardon, I mean you're just exactly my wife's size and can tell mo what to ask for. You see, I came here to buy her n shirt waist that she's been dropping little hints about, and now that I'm here t's just struck me that I haveu't tho remotest Idea about her size. I'm tho densest person you ever saw about isuch things don't even know my own waist measurement. I'm positive, though, that whatever your size Is would do for her. j You may be an inch taller than my wife, but that's about the only difference." "It's a little unconventional, isn't It?" the woman smiled not unpleas antly. "Still I don't see why I shouldn't tell you that my size Is that my shirtwaists are usually size thirty six." They had been walking down the aisle and were now right by tho shirt waist counter. "I had a blue one picked out there," remarked the man, "that seemed to be about what I wanted to get, but I didn't know what size It was. See I : That'n lying over there on top of that 1 pink outfit." "Does your wife like that shade of blue?" the woman asked significantly, after biting her lips for a moment. 'Why er well, of course she hasu't A Christmas Plot 8he wanted some Christmas cigars and the dealer sold her a box of hay perfectos for 40 cents. "Her husband will give you tits when he gets those," reinnrked a bystander. "No i he told me to do it," explained the dealer. "Why, his wife would sue for divorce if she knew he pays $3 a box for his cigars." Holiday Thought , Give the Lord his due; the devil is certain to take his. J: iQiristmas Wishes the music of fh rh j , lying you glad and happy times, And their voices clear and sweet Unto you my wish repeat. seen it," replied the male shopper. "Do you suppose she'd like some other color belter?" "You see," pointed out the kind worn an in considerate, hulf-sympathetle tones, "that particular shade of blue doesn't go with uny other color. Now, If I wero receiving a shirtwaist for Christmas I should want a white wulst. ur course your wire muy have ex pressed a preference for some other color. No? Well, now you understand It's none of my affair and this Is cer tainly rather Informal, me helping you to select something for your wife, whom I don't even know, to sny noth ing of not even knowing your name but I should think any woman would be delighted with something like this one, for Instunce." And she reached over to pick up one with a lot of lace and mosquito netting on the front of it. The male person Inquired the price. It was $i more than the blue one he hud selected, but he said he would take It, and no questions asked. "bend It out to number so-and-so Such-und-such street, and oh, tliut won't do. It might be delivered when she was at home and that would queer the whole thing. Ketter send It to my ofllce. Thomas J. WIngett Is the name, In the Pretentious building. I'd carry It, but I ve got a lot of stops to make, --vvingett, repeated the womun after hearing his nume ; "there's a Mrs. vvingett in our curd club. You don't happen to be Mrs. Alice Wlngett's hus band, do you?" "I sure am," grinned the man. "She's the girl that's going to get that shirtwaist off tho pine tree next Mon day." "Well, of all things," gasped the kindly disposed woman. "I don't know Alice WIngett so very well, but I've met her at the club, and it does seem funny that I should be helping her hus band to pick out a Christmas present for her. My name is Cummins. I don't suppose you know my husband. He travels most of the time." "Seems to me I've heard Alice speak of a Mrs. Cummins," says WIngett. "Er by the way, mebby you'd better not say anything to Alice when you see her about about how Informally we were Introduced. She might think It funny. Like us not she'd think I'd been walking up and down the aisle sturlng nt folks." "I have a notion to tell her what you Just said," gurgled Mrs. Cum mins. "I guess I won't though. Seems to me the Joke would be partly on me. Well, I hope Alice likes the shirt waist." "If she doesn't she hasn't good taste," grinned WIngett. "I certainly am obliged to you, If you can't make up your mind what to get your hus band, let me know, and mebby I can help you out." Ami he bowed gracefully ns his new acquaintance gathered up her pack ages and tripped on her way. Holiday Activities. Pear father's busy as can be; Ho tolls when day Is (tone. The small boy sets the Christmas tree. Hut father has tho fun. Washington Star. Utility. "Does your wife favor useful gifts?" "Too much," replied Mr. Meektou. "Last Christmas she bought me o nice, new snow shovel. mm Always a New Lot About Christmas, consider this: There are at least four thousand kids who were too young to take note Inst year who are Just old enough to be surprised when the tree lights up this year. Always there is a new bunch of Christmas come-ons. Howdy, Uncle? To keep the Merry Christmas from turning out a botch when the girls hang up their stocklugs poor dad hangs up his watch, '"FMBfclSMO M ( mi - rl fctfcv:..- -sarf8 i'iMiii4 Under Fire Bu RICHARD PARKER 4 Btsed on the drams of BOI COOPER MEGRUB Aulhoi of "Under Cover" tad co-suthoi of "It Pius to Advertise" Uupyrltf lib, M6t Li 'Out Mtwfcuu Cuiupau. CHAPTER XXII Continued. 10 Streetman was already asking head quarters to connect him with General French or one of his stuff, when the approaching form gained the English trench. The man climbed up the face of the earth embankment, and shout ing, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I'm not German I'm Irish!" he peered down at the alert faces turned up to bis. It was Larry Redmond that dishev eled mun who clung to the top of tho bomb-proof shelter. He was still In the German uniform, but without hat or coat, which he had cast aside, while he ran, for greater safety when he should reach his goal. lie had no de sire to stop a bullet intended for a German. And that uniform was damning. "Stay -where you are!" Montngue called to him. "Boys, If he moves, lire!" he told his men. "I'm Redmond! Captain Redmond of the Irish Guards!" Larry cried. "I've been on special service inside their lines, and they d n near got me. By their maps this is Trench 27, isn't It? I'll explalnln a minute." "You'll have to do a lot of explain ing." Montague told him. "Tell me hus anyone been here someone you don't know a-passin' himself off perhaps for a Britisher, brlngln' you some news some word " "Some word of what?" Captain Mon tague asked. "I don't know I can't make out!" Larry shouted desperately. "But there's mischief ahead for Trench 27. I've seen their maps; and one of their spies " He paused as Streetman's voice caught his attention. The dis guised German spy hud at last suc ceeded in getting someone in authority to receive his message. And now he was delivering his false information. "Who that speaking?" Larry asked the English captain sharply. And im mediately he answered his own ques tion. "It's Strassman, captain 1 I know him. He's a German spy! Don't let hlin telephone! It's a trick!" In his eagerness to stop that disastrous message he forgot the warning that Montague had given his men, and the wild-eyed Irishman rose to his feet. The British fired point-blank at him. But Larry Bensed his danger just In time. He dropped flat upon his face on the top of the bombproof and the bullets whistled over him. Captain Montague was impressed with Larry's news, and he ordered Streetman to put down the telephone. He thought the matter -worth further investigation. "Strassman, don't you remember me?" Larry asked the man at the tele phone. But Herr Strassman's iron nerve did not desert him even then. "By God! It's Captain Karl of the German army! And In our very trenches!" he exclaimed. "He's the man whose plans I overheard!" "That's a pretty good bluff, captain! . . . Don't let him fool you!" Larry cautioned the English officer. "Drop that telephone!" he shouted, as Street man resumed his conversation with headquarters. And as a last resort Captain Redmond shot the instrument from the spy's grasp. Then, under cover of the hubbub Larry leaped in side the trench. "D n you, Redmond!'" Streetman swore. For the moment hlsshatred be trayed him. "Redmond!" Larry repeated joy fully. "You hear, captain? He knows who I really am! He called me Red mond!" And as Streetman edged near er the outlet to the trench the Irishman cried, "Dou't let him get away, ser geant!" Several men grabbed Streetman then. "Captain here's my revolver!" Lar ry held his weapon out to Montague. "Put me under arrest till yon Investi gate," he said. "Thank you, Redmomd!" the enlight ened Montague replied. He was vast ly relieved. "You've done ns a great service; and he nearly fooled! us. . . . My God he nearly fooled ns!" he re peated, as he- realized the disaster that Larry had so narrowly avjerted. "Now he'll pay for it!" be cried. "Sergeant stand that man against the trench! . . Boys!" "Don't shoot me like that! I tell you I'm Innocent!" Streetman was begging for his life now. But even had Moatague been dis posed to spare him, bis doom was sealed. An enemy aeroplane-bad dart ed out above their lines.. Otoe of the British privates spied it whien it was almost above them, and as they paused to watch it the plane slowed visibly. "That means she'll drop a? bomb," a Tommy observed. "Sure they never hit "sny thing," Captain Redmond jeered. . But this time Larry was .mistaken. As he spoke, something enme hurtling down to eurlh. "Look out, boys! For God's Bake look out!" Captain Montngue could no more keep back his Involuntary warning than he could stay tho douth thut threatened them. In another moment there was a ter rific explosion. Trench 27 rocked with tlie force of It. Tho bombproof shelter fell as if it were made of cardboard, burying them beneath it, The heaped up. dirt at the top of the trench was scattered like so much sawdust. There was no longer any light in that little inferno except what came from the starlit heavens. Men or what had once been men lay motion less where the powerful explosive hod flung them. Others had vanished as if Into thin air nover to return. And for a few brief moments all was silent. Then someone stirred in the sham bles. It wus Captain Montague. One of the timbers from the roof of the shattered bombproof had fallen upon his left leg; and, weak as he was from his injuries, he could not release It "Boys, take that beam off my leg!" he called faintly. "I can't move! Take It off, I tell you!" He called several of his men by name. But no one an swered. He grouned then, as he struggled to rise, and fell back faint ing. The telephone buzzer began to call Insistently. And there was one man who heard it. Larry had been stunned for a few seconds. How he might be wounded he had not the slightest Idea. But that he was hurt he had not the slightest doubt. He could barely move, as consciousness returned to him. But until the call of the telephone roused him further he had been content to He where he fell and rest. That sig nal, however, spurred him to dogged effort. "The telephone! It isn't smashed!" he cried. "Oh, God! Let me get to that telephone! If they attack us now we're done for!" He dragged himself along the Uttered floor of the trench for a few feet, then' sank down with a groan. "Oh, my God! My leg!" he moaned. And then he drifted into a delirium. His mind wandered back to Ethel Willoughby. And once more he found himself in Sir George Wagstaff's house in London, pleading with her to marry him. . . . Soon he gained control of his befuddled brain again. "I've got to get to that telephone!" he told himself desperately. "Come on, Larry! You can do it!" he told him self fiercely. "D n your Irish heart! Come on! It's ouly five feet morel" So his undaunted spirit lashed his bro ken body to Its bidding. At last he gained the 'phone. At the other end headquarters was still trying frantically to learn the rest of that interrupted message that the German spy had -started to relate. "No, no! I'm not Lee! I'm Red mond!" he gasped. "Captain Redmond of the Irish Guards! Special service! . . . Major Drayton, you remember me!" Larry said almost joyfully, us he discovered to whom he was speaking. "Listen! Bomb aeroplane Trench 27 lilt The Trench Was Scattered Like So Much Sawdust. Wiped out send reserves! Under stand? . . . Oh. my leg!" he groaned. "Walt!" he continued "Didn't a girl, an English girl, with my pass, come to you with information from me? . . . She didn't? ... Oh, Ethel, where are you? . . . Listen, listen!" he begged the officer back there at head quarters. "Crown prince marching against Taris! Von Kluck flanking us! Tournay and Le Cateau. Get the French to send more troops. You can't? Then retreat retreat right to the very gates of I'aris. It's our only chance. . . . Yes, I'll keep guard!" He dropped the instrument then. He had done his duty. Captain Redmond straightened him self to his full height. And his hand reached for bis revolver. He did not remember that he had surrendered It voluntarily to Montague, "I'll keep guard!" he repeated in a dazed and mechanical fashion, as he groped for the mlsstng weapon. In a second more he toppled upon the ground. Redmond of the Irish Guards had fainted. CHAPTER XXIII. "The Sweetest Girl I Know." For almost ten days Larry Redmond had lain, delirious. In a little church In France, not many miles from Paris, It was only the wreck of a church now, for the Gorman shells had swept it, leaving ruin in their wake. Even the statue of Christ on the Cross which surmounted tho altar hud not escaped desecration, for tho upper part of the crucifix had been snapped off like matchwood and now rested against the lower purt of the figure of the Savior, Re-enforcements hud reached Trench 27 in time thanks to Larry's heroism; and though he knew nothing of what had hnppeued after he had fallen close by the telephone, the British troops had stemmed the gap In tbclr defenses. Along with others of the injured, Captain Redmond had been hurried away from the front as fast as was possible, until at Inst he hud been re ceived Into the field station for the English wounded for which purpose the Red Cross bad pressed that tiny church Into service. When Larry reached that place it had been far to the rear of the British first line. But now, alas! those heroes in khaki had been forced back until the boom of their guns was plainly audible in the violated sanctuary. Captain Redmond lay upon a heap of straw on the floor. About him were many other men, swathed in bandages, as he was, and among them there moved a soldier with the Red Cross insignia upon his arm; and a French priest kneeled beside the stricken and prayed for the welfare of their souls as well as their bodies. It was early morning, three or four hours past mid night, and the cluttered nave was only dimly lighted by a few lanterns. A doctor strode through the door way. "I want to see Doctor Charles," he announced, and to the man who rose from one of the altar steps, where he bad been examining charts of the wounded, he explained that he was Doctor Aubrey of the Second corps, sent to relieve the medical officer sta tioned there, who had been ordered to join the ambulance forces at the front. Doctor Charles handed over his charts at once and prepared to leave. "I see Captain Redmond Is still here," Aubrey remarked as he scanned the records, "now is he?" "Still out of his head!" "Will he pull through?" "He ought to." "Brave chap, wasn't he?" said Doc tor Aubrey "to get us that Informa tion about Yon Kluck's flanking move ment!" "If it hadn't been for Redmond they would have captured our entire army," the departing surgeon replied. 'Tretty big things for one man to do!" the newcomer exclaimed. Doctor Charles agreed with him, and after saying a hurried good-by he passed on into the gray of the ap proaching dawn. . v As Aubrey set about his duties it seemed to him that the roar of the artillery became increasingly distinct, And it was not long before the blare of a bugle sounding retreat was waft ed unmistakably through the open doors. At the sound of that order one of the men lying upon the floor raised himself upon an elbow and listened. "I tell you retreat! Retreat!" he cried. "Right to the very gates of Farls! ... Oh, Ethel where are you?" "Who's that?" Doctor Aubrey asked of one of his Red Cross assistants "Captain Redmond! He goes on like that most of the time," the man an swered. "The telephone! I've got to get to that telephone!" Larry shouted. "Come on, Larry! You can do it! It's only a few feet more!" The doctor kneeled beside him. "There, there, old man! Take it easy!" he said. It was plain to him that the wounded man was living over again those tense and terrible moments in the trench. All at once a dazed look came over Captain Redmond's face. He looked at the doctor curiously. "What place Is this? Who are you?" he asked. He had at last regained his senses. "You're at an English field hospital," the doctor said. "Then they got me, didn't they?" said Larry. "Did I telephone head quarters in time? I can't remember, There was a bomb. I tried to crawl to the 'phone. . Was I too late? Tell me!" "Your Information came in time to prevent their flanking our whole army," Doctor Aubrey told him. "Thank God!" Larry murmured. "And Miss Willoughby? She was at Tourville? Where is she? . , . No, nol You wouldn't know," he said, as the doctor shook his head. "And Strassman? He didn't get away?" "Strassman? You mean the German spy who was with you in Trench 27?" "Yes, yes!" Larry said eagerly. "Their bomb got him," said the doc tor. "He's dead." "That's one good shot they made," Captain Redmond replied. "Tell me we've turned them back? We've saved Paris?" "I fear not," the other said, and his grave face revealed the anxiety that he shared with all his fellows. "We're only ten miles from Paris now. We've been retreating for over a week." "But that was part of the plan!" the wounded man cried. "To retreat, and then " "I know," the medical man Inter rupted. "But we haven't been able to cut their lines. Even the government has been moved to Bordeaux. The German's aren't five miles from here. Last night they shelled this church. They're four to one, I'm afraid we're done for." Larry grasped at the arm of the man who knelt beside him. "Don't say that!" he begged. "It can't bfi They enn't take Paris. They can't. Dear God, I beg thee" "There, there! Rest a bit, old man! You got a nasty smash in the head. Lie back!" And he lowered the cap tain back upon the straw once more. "Out there they're fighting while I'm no good to anyone," Lurry groaned. , "Doctor! This lady wishes to see you." Doctor Aubrey turned as the Red Cross man spoke; and his glance en countered a girl an English girl, dressed in a suit once white, but now torn and bedraggled. Her hair was disheveled, and her face showed pale and wan in the half-light of the dim church. "She has a pass from General French's headquarters," the man add ed. " "May I be of service?" the doctor asked her. Ethel stepped forward then. "For ten days I've been searching your various field hospitals," she told him. "This Is my last chance. Tell me oh, I'm afraid! I'm afraid to ask! , , . She nerved herself by a visible effort. "Tell me is Captain Cnptnln " As she faltered there came a quick cry from the man the doctor had Just left. "Ethel!" Larry's call electrified them. She hurried to him. "Oh, my dear!" she answered with a dry sob. "My darlln'l My darlln'l You're safe you're not hurt?" he exclaimed, as she put her arms about him with immense tenderness. "No, no! And I'm here with you, thank God!" "Tell me what news from the front?" he demanded, as a roll of can nonading filled the church with its res onant booming. "Oh, I can't tell you," she said. "It's too dreadful." But she saw that he craved the truth, even though it were the worst "We're 'still retreating. They say Paris Is lost." The notes of a bugle again sounded clear through the roar of the great guns. "Oh, dear God, they mustn't take Paris!" Larry cried. "If we can keep Paris, we've a fighting chance." He stopped abruptly then, and turned his head as If at some wondrous sound. "Listen to the bugles!" he shouted. "They're not playing retreat! Thafs the call to attack! , . , What does It mean?" A messenger burst into the church. "Who's- in charge here?" he de manded. "I am," Aubrey told him. "I'm from headquarters," the man said. "Is Captain Lawrence Redmond here?" "Yes, yes! I'm here!" Larry called, struggling to his feet with Ethel's help. The messenger crossed to where the wounded man stood, half supported by the girl. "I have the honor to report," he an nounced, "that General French and General Joffre extend to you their grateful thanks for your information, and to state that you have been men tioned in the dispatches for signal bravery in the cause of the allies." "Oh, my dear and you said 'For King and Country!'" Ethel exclaimed, her heart near to bursting with pride in him. "What do I matter," he chlded her, "when out there they are driving us back? Hear their guns!" The little structure that sheltered them shook from cellar to raftered roof under the vibration of the terrific fire "One moment!" Said the messenger. "I have to add, sir, that your Informa tion, coming at a vital time, has en abled the English troops, In conjunc tion with the French, to execute a turn ing movement. And after a four-days' battle the enemy is now in retreat be yond the Marne." Larry seemed not to grasp the news. He looked dully at the man from head quarters. "What did you say?" he asked. "The enemy is in retreat." "But they said we were beaten," Larry stammered. "I'm Just in from the front," the messenger informed him. "I tell you, the enemy Is' In retreat." "And Paris? Paris is safer Larry cried, as the joy of it all broke over him. "Paris is safe." was the answer. A band was playing now, and those glad folk in the little church could hea the thunder of marching feet. "You hear?" the messenger asked. "That's the French. The reserves are coming up from Paris." "That's the English troops!" Larry shouted, as he recognized a familial marching air. "Yes! They landed today," the man said. i Larry stood there listening to the welcome strains. One arm he had flung about Ethel. And the other he waved above his bandaged head. "More of our boys off to the front!" he exulted. "And do you mind what they're playing, my darling?" he asked her. It was "Tipperary." The wounded men caught up tht song. Captain Redmond smiled happily as the soldiers shouted the words; and as they reached a certain passage of the chorus he looked down at Ethel with world of tenderness In his eyes and held her closer. The English Tommies were singing, "The sweetest girl I know!" THE END. Zoological Moment Nephew "I tried to get a raise to day, aunt but the boss refused It" Mrs, , Blunderby "Too bad, Dicky. Perhaps yon didn't approach him at the toological moment"