T
BUYING A GIFT
FORJIS WIFE
This Man Had Plenty of Help
While on a Shopping
Tour.
HE male shopper walked
up and down tho ulsle of
the big store looking
about lilin with an ex
pression of despair. Ik
knew what ho wanted
" to huy all right. It
wasn't that. ISut he kept wandering
about looking at the saleswomen be
hind the counter with all the perplex
ity of a dog trying to recall where
he had burled a soup bono.
He stood off to one side staring In
tently at a buny young creature with
dark bay hair behind the ribbon coun
ter, and nt last wulkcd up within talk
ing distance.
"Don't suppose you can leave here
for a few minutes, can you?" he be
gan in a low tone."
"W-h-a-tl"
"I say never mind. I mean wult a
minute I'll be back."
And he rushed nwuy to hide his enn
fuslon from the otlu'r shoppers. lie
did not return, but went over to an
other aisle and began sizing up peo
ple there, both In front and behind the
counters.
Wag the man bughouse? No. Just
be patient and you'll hear all about it.
He kept looking and looking, and at
last his gaze took In a tall young wom
anreasonably young with a bunch
of small packages tucked under her
arm. He walked up to her, hesltuted,
and then blurted: "ling pardon,
madam, but may I Bpenk to you a mo
ment?" She gave him a look and started to
hurry away, but he was obliged, liav-
kttATIWC-.'
"Don't You Suppose You Can Leave
Here for a Few Minutes?"
Ing gone that fur, to make good and
convince her of tho innocence of his
motives.
"Don't be alarmed," he suld, cuteh
lng up with her. "I'm not trying to
flirt or get fresh. Honestly, now, I'm
not in the habit of speaking to wom
en I dofl't know. Look me over and
you'll see that I'm well-meaning
enough. But the fact Is you-ah, you
ah, you're Just the same size as my
wife apparently I And"
The womun gasped. 'I don't see "
she began.
"Oh, but I want to ask a favor of
you," wont on the male shopper, more
nt ease now. "I've looked all over the
saleswomen and tho only one that
would c!o was busy behind tho ribbon
counter, but you're just precisely what
I need oh, I beg your pardon, I mean
you're just exactly my wife's size and
can tell mo what to ask for. You
see, I came here to buy her n shirt
waist that she's been dropping little
hints about, and now that I'm here
t's just struck me that I haveu't tho
remotest Idea about her size. I'm tho
densest person you ever saw about
isuch things don't even know my own
waist measurement. I'm positive,
though, that whatever your size Is
would do for her. j You may be an
inch taller than my wife, but that's
about the only difference."
"It's a little unconventional, isn't
It?" the woman smiled not unpleas
antly. "Still I don't see why I shouldn't
tell you that my size Is that my
shirtwaists are usually size thirty
six." They had been walking down the
aisle and were now right by tho shirt
waist counter.
"I had a blue one picked out there,"
remarked the man, "that seemed to be
about what I wanted to get, but I
didn't know what size It was. See I
: That'n lying over there on top of that
1 pink outfit."
"Does your wife like that shade of
blue?" the woman asked significantly,
after biting her lips for a moment.
'Why er well, of course she hasu't
A Christmas Plot
8he wanted some Christmas cigars
and the dealer sold her a box of hay
perfectos for 40 cents.
"Her husband will give you tits when
he gets those," reinnrked a bystander.
"No i he told me to do it," explained
the dealer. "Why, his wife would sue
for divorce if she knew he pays $3 a
box for his cigars."
Holiday Thought
, Give the Lord his due; the devil is
certain to take his.
J: iQiristmas Wishes
the music of fh rh
j ,
lying you glad and happy times,
And their voices clear and sweet
Unto you my wish repeat.
seen it," replied the male shopper. "Do
you suppose she'd like some other color
belter?"
"You see," pointed out the kind worn
an in considerate, hulf-sympathetle
tones, "that particular shade of blue
doesn't go with uny other color. Now,
If I wero receiving a shirtwaist for
Christmas I should want a white wulst.
ur course your wire muy have ex
pressed a preference for some other
color. No? Well, now you understand
It's none of my affair and this Is cer
tainly rather Informal, me helping you
to select something for your wife,
whom I don't even know, to sny noth
ing of not even knowing your name
but I should think any woman would
be delighted with something like this
one, for Instunce." And she reached
over to pick up one with a lot of lace
and mosquito netting on the front of it.
The male person Inquired the price.
It was $i more than the blue one he
hud selected, but he said he would
take It, and no questions asked.
"bend It out to number so-and-so
Such-und-such street, and oh, tliut
won't do. It might be delivered when
she was at home and that would queer
the whole thing. Ketter send It to my
ofllce. Thomas J. WIngett Is the name,
In the Pretentious building. I'd carry
It, but I ve got a lot of stops to make,
--vvingett, repeated the womun
after hearing his nume ; "there's a Mrs.
vvingett in our curd club. You don't
happen to be Mrs. Alice Wlngett's hus
band, do you?"
"I sure am," grinned the man. "She's
the girl that's going to get that
shirtwaist off tho pine tree next Mon
day." "Well, of all things," gasped the
kindly disposed woman. "I don't know
Alice WIngett so very well, but I've
met her at the club, and it does seem
funny that I should be helping her hus
band to pick out a Christmas present
for her. My name is Cummins. I don't
suppose you know my husband. He
travels most of the time."
"Seems to me I've heard Alice speak
of a Mrs. Cummins," says WIngett. "Er
by the way, mebby you'd better not
say anything to Alice when you see
her about about how Informally we
were Introduced. She might think It
funny. Like us not she'd think I'd
been walking up and down the aisle
sturlng nt folks."
"I have a notion to tell her what
you Just said," gurgled Mrs. Cum
mins. "I guess I won't though. Seems
to me the Joke would be partly on
me. Well, I hope Alice likes the shirt
waist." "If she doesn't she hasn't good
taste," grinned WIngett. "I certainly
am obliged to you, If you can't make
up your mind what to get your hus
band, let me know, and mebby I can
help you out."
Ami he bowed gracefully ns his new
acquaintance gathered up her pack
ages and tripped on her way.
Holiday Activities.
Pear father's busy as can be;
Ho tolls when day Is (tone.
The small boy sets the Christmas tree.
Hut father has tho fun.
Washington Star.
Utility.
"Does your wife favor useful gifts?"
"Too much," replied Mr. Meektou.
"Last Christmas she bought me o nice,
new snow shovel.
mm
Always a New Lot
About Christmas, consider this:
There are at least four thousand kids
who were too young to take note Inst
year who are Just old enough to be
surprised when the tree lights up this
year. Always there is a new bunch of
Christmas come-ons.
Howdy, Uncle?
To keep the Merry Christmas from
turning out a botch when the girls
hang up their stocklugs poor dad
hangs up his watch,
'"FMBfclSMO M (
mi - rl
fctfcv:..- -sarf8 i'iMiii4
Under
Fire
Bu RICHARD PARKER
4
Btsed on the drams of
BOI COOPER MEGRUB
Aulhoi of "Under Cover" tad co-suthoi
of "It Pius to Advertise"
Uupyrltf lib, M6t Li 'Out Mtwfcuu Cuiupau.
CHAPTER XXII Continued.
10
Streetman was already asking head
quarters to connect him with General
French or one of his stuff, when the
approaching form gained the English
trench. The man climbed up the face
of the earth embankment, and shout
ing, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I'm
not German I'm Irish!" he peered
down at the alert faces turned up to
bis.
It was Larry Redmond that dishev
eled mun who clung to the top of tho
bomb-proof shelter. He was still In
the German uniform, but without hat
or coat, which he had cast aside, while
he ran, for greater safety when he
should reach his goal. lie had no de
sire to stop a bullet intended for a
German. And that uniform was
damning.
"Stay -where you are!" Montngue
called to him. "Boys, If he moves,
lire!" he told his men.
"I'm Redmond! Captain Redmond
of the Irish Guards!" Larry cried. "I've
been on special service inside their
lines, and they d n near got me. By
their maps this is Trench 27, isn't It?
I'll explalnln a minute."
"You'll have to do a lot of explain
ing." Montague told him.
"Tell me hus anyone been here
someone you don't know a-passin'
himself off perhaps for a Britisher,
brlngln' you some news some word "
"Some word of what?" Captain Mon
tague asked.
"I don't know I can't make out!"
Larry shouted desperately. "But
there's mischief ahead for Trench 27.
I've seen their maps; and one of their
spies " He paused as Streetman's
voice caught his attention. The dis
guised German spy hud at last suc
ceeded in getting someone in authority
to receive his message. And now he
was delivering his false information.
"Who that speaking?" Larry asked
the English captain sharply. And im
mediately he answered his own ques
tion. "It's Strassman, captain 1 I
know him. He's a German spy! Don't
let hlin telephone! It's a trick!" In
his eagerness to stop that disastrous
message he forgot the warning that
Montague had given his men, and the
wild-eyed Irishman rose to his feet.
The British fired point-blank at him.
But Larry Bensed his danger just In
time. He dropped flat upon his face
on the top of the bombproof and the
bullets whistled over him.
Captain Montague was impressed
with Larry's news, and he ordered
Streetman to put down the telephone.
He thought the matter -worth further
investigation.
"Strassman, don't you remember
me?" Larry asked the man at the tele
phone. But Herr Strassman's iron nerve did
not desert him even then.
"By God! It's Captain Karl of the
German army! And In our very
trenches!" he exclaimed. "He's the
man whose plans I overheard!"
"That's a pretty good bluff, captain!
. . . Don't let him fool you!" Larry
cautioned the English officer. "Drop
that telephone!" he shouted, as Street
man resumed his conversation with
headquarters. And as a last resort
Captain Redmond shot the instrument
from the spy's grasp. Then, under
cover of the hubbub Larry leaped in
side the trench.
"D n you, Redmond!'" Streetman
swore. For the moment hlsshatred be
trayed him.
"Redmond!" Larry repeated joy
fully. "You hear, captain? He knows
who I really am! He called me Red
mond!" And as Streetman edged near
er the outlet to the trench the Irishman
cried, "Dou't let him get away, ser
geant!" Several men grabbed Streetman
then.
"Captain here's my revolver!" Lar
ry held his weapon out to Montague.
"Put me under arrest till yon Investi
gate," he said.
"Thank you, Redmomd!" the enlight
ened Montague replied. He was vast
ly relieved. "You've done ns a great
service; and he nearly fooled! us. . . .
My God he nearly fooled ns!" he re
peated, as he- realized the disaster that
Larry had so narrowly avjerted. "Now
he'll pay for it!" be cried. "Sergeant
stand that man against the trench!
. . Boys!"
"Don't shoot me like that! I tell
you I'm Innocent!" Streetman was
begging for his life now.
But even had Moatague been dis
posed to spare him, bis doom was
sealed. An enemy aeroplane-bad dart
ed out above their lines.. Otoe of the
British privates spied it whien it was
almost above them, and as they
paused to watch it the plane slowed
visibly.
"That means she'll drop a? bomb," a
Tommy observed.
"Sure they never hit "sny thing,"
Captain Redmond jeered. .
But this time Larry was .mistaken.
As he spoke, something enme hurtling
down to eurlh.
"Look out, boys! For God's Bake
look out!" Captain Montngue could
no more keep back his Involuntary
warning than he could stay tho douth
thut threatened them.
In another moment there was a ter
rific explosion. Trench 27 rocked with
tlie force of It. Tho bombproof shelter
fell as if it were made of cardboard,
burying them beneath it, The heaped
up. dirt at the top of the trench was
scattered like so much sawdust.
There was no longer any light in
that little inferno except what came
from the starlit heavens. Men or
what had once been men lay motion
less where the powerful explosive hod
flung them. Others had vanished as if
Into thin air nover to return. And
for a few brief moments all was silent.
Then someone stirred in the sham
bles. It wus Captain Montague. One
of the timbers from the roof of the
shattered bombproof had fallen upon
his left leg; and, weak as he was from
his injuries, he could not release It
"Boys, take that beam off my leg!"
he called faintly. "I can't move! Take
It off, I tell you!" He called several of
his men by name. But no one an
swered. He grouned then, as he
struggled to rise, and fell back faint
ing. The telephone buzzer began to call
Insistently. And there was one man
who heard it. Larry had been stunned
for a few seconds. How he might be
wounded he had not the slightest Idea.
But that he was hurt he had not the
slightest doubt. He could barely move,
as consciousness returned to him. But
until the call of the telephone roused
him further he had been content to
He where he fell and rest. That sig
nal, however, spurred him to dogged
effort.
"The telephone! It isn't smashed!"
he cried. "Oh, God! Let me get to
that telephone! If they attack us now
we're done for!" He dragged himself
along the Uttered floor of the trench
for a few feet, then' sank down with a
groan. "Oh, my God! My leg!" he
moaned. And then he drifted into a
delirium. His mind wandered back to
Ethel Willoughby. And once more he
found himself in Sir George Wagstaff's
house in London, pleading with her to
marry him. . . . Soon he gained
control of his befuddled brain again.
"I've got to get to that telephone!" he
told himself desperately. "Come on,
Larry! You can do it!" he told him
self fiercely. "D n your Irish heart!
Come on! It's ouly five feet morel"
So his undaunted spirit lashed his bro
ken body to Its bidding.
At last he gained the 'phone. At the
other end headquarters was still trying
frantically to learn the rest of that
interrupted message that the German
spy had -started to relate.
"No, no! I'm not Lee! I'm Red
mond!" he gasped. "Captain Redmond
of the Irish Guards! Special service!
. . . Major Drayton, you remember
me!" Larry said almost joyfully, us he
discovered to whom he was speaking.
"Listen! Bomb aeroplane Trench 27
lilt
The Trench Was Scattered Like So
Much Sawdust.
Wiped out send reserves! Under
stand? . . . Oh. my leg!" he groaned.
"Walt!" he continued "Didn't a girl,
an English girl, with my pass, come
to you with information from me? . . .
She didn't? ... Oh, Ethel, where
are you? . . . Listen, listen!" he
begged the officer back there at head
quarters. "Crown prince marching
against Taris! Von Kluck flanking us!
Tournay and Le Cateau. Get the
French to send more troops. You can't?
Then retreat retreat right to the very
gates of I'aris. It's our only chance.
. . . Yes, I'll keep guard!" He
dropped the instrument then. He had
done his duty.
Captain Redmond straightened him
self to his full height. And his hand
reached for bis revolver. He did not
remember that he had surrendered It
voluntarily to Montague,
"I'll keep guard!" he repeated in a
dazed and mechanical fashion, as he
groped for the mlsstng weapon.
In a second more he toppled upon
the ground. Redmond of the Irish
Guards had fainted.
CHAPTER XXIII.
"The Sweetest Girl I Know."
For almost ten days Larry Redmond
had lain, delirious. In a little church
In France, not many miles from Paris,
It was only the wreck of a church now,
for the Gorman shells had swept it,
leaving ruin in their wake. Even the
statue of Christ on the Cross which
surmounted tho altar hud not escaped
desecration, for tho upper part of the
crucifix had been snapped off like
matchwood and now rested against the
lower purt of the figure of the Savior,
Re-enforcements hud reached Trench
27 in time thanks to Larry's heroism;
and though he knew nothing of what
had hnppeued after he had fallen close
by the telephone, the British troops had
stemmed the gap In tbclr defenses.
Along with others of the injured,
Captain Redmond had been hurried
away from the front as fast as was
possible, until at Inst he hud been re
ceived Into the field station for the
English wounded for which purpose
the Red Cross bad pressed that tiny
church Into service. When Larry
reached that place it had been far to
the rear of the British first line. But
now, alas! those heroes in khaki had
been forced back until the boom of
their guns was plainly audible in the
violated sanctuary.
Captain Redmond lay upon a heap
of straw on the floor. About him were
many other men, swathed in bandages,
as he was, and among them there
moved a soldier with the Red Cross
insignia upon his arm; and a French
priest kneeled beside the stricken and
prayed for the welfare of their souls
as well as their bodies. It was early
morning, three or four hours past mid
night, and the cluttered nave was only
dimly lighted by a few lanterns.
A doctor strode through the door
way. "I want to see Doctor Charles," he
announced, and to the man who rose
from one of the altar steps, where he
bad been examining charts of the
wounded, he explained that he was
Doctor Aubrey of the Second corps,
sent to relieve the medical officer sta
tioned there, who had been ordered to
join the ambulance forces at the front.
Doctor Charles handed over his
charts at once and prepared to leave.
"I see Captain Redmond Is still
here," Aubrey remarked as he scanned
the records, "now is he?"
"Still out of his head!"
"Will he pull through?"
"He ought to."
"Brave chap, wasn't he?" said Doc
tor Aubrey "to get us that Informa
tion about Yon Kluck's flanking move
ment!" "If it hadn't been for Redmond they
would have captured our entire army,"
the departing surgeon replied.
'Tretty big things for one man to
do!" the newcomer exclaimed.
Doctor Charles agreed with him, and
after saying a hurried good-by he
passed on into the gray of the ap
proaching dawn. . v
As Aubrey set about his duties it
seemed to him that the roar of the
artillery became increasingly distinct,
And it was not long before the blare
of a bugle sounding retreat was waft
ed unmistakably through the open
doors.
At the sound of that order one of
the men lying upon the floor raised
himself upon an elbow and listened.
"I tell you retreat! Retreat!" he
cried. "Right to the very gates of
Farls! ... Oh, Ethel where are
you?"
"Who's that?" Doctor Aubrey asked
of one of his Red Cross assistants
"Captain Redmond! He goes on like
that most of the time," the man an
swered. "The telephone! I've got to get to
that telephone!" Larry shouted. "Come
on, Larry! You can do it! It's only
a few feet more!"
The doctor kneeled beside him.
"There, there, old man! Take it
easy!" he said. It was plain to him
that the wounded man was living over
again those tense and terrible moments
in the trench.
All at once a dazed look came over
Captain Redmond's face. He looked
at the doctor curiously.
"What place Is this? Who are you?"
he asked. He had at last regained
his senses.
"You're at an English field hospital,"
the doctor said.
"Then they got me, didn't they?"
said Larry. "Did I telephone head
quarters in time? I can't remember,
There was a bomb. I tried to crawl to
the 'phone. . Was I too late?
Tell me!"
"Your Information came in time to
prevent their flanking our whole army,"
Doctor Aubrey told him.
"Thank God!" Larry murmured.
"And Miss Willoughby? She was at
Tourville? Where is she? . , . No,
nol You wouldn't know," he said, as
the doctor shook his head. "And
Strassman? He didn't get away?"
"Strassman? You mean the German
spy who was with you in Trench 27?"
"Yes, yes!" Larry said eagerly.
"Their bomb got him," said the doc
tor. "He's dead."
"That's one good shot they made,"
Captain Redmond replied. "Tell me
we've turned them back? We've saved
Paris?"
"I fear not," the other said, and
his grave face revealed the anxiety
that he shared with all his fellows.
"We're only ten miles from Paris now.
We've been retreating for over a
week."
"But that was part of the plan!"
the wounded man cried. "To retreat,
and then "
"I know," the medical man Inter
rupted. "But we haven't been able to
cut their lines. Even the government
has been moved to Bordeaux. The
German's aren't five miles from here.
Last night they shelled this church.
They're four to one, I'm afraid we're
done for."
Larry grasped at the arm of the man
who knelt beside him.
"Don't say that!" he begged. "It
can't bfi They enn't take Paris. They
can't. Dear God, I beg thee"
"There, there! Rest a bit, old man!
You got a nasty smash in the head.
Lie back!" And he lowered the cap
tain back upon the straw once more.
"Out there they're fighting while I'm
no good to anyone," Lurry groaned. ,
"Doctor! This lady wishes to see
you."
Doctor Aubrey turned as the Red
Cross man spoke; and his glance en
countered a girl an English girl,
dressed in a suit once white, but now
torn and bedraggled. Her hair was
disheveled, and her face showed pale
and wan in the half-light of the dim
church.
"She has a pass from General
French's headquarters," the man add
ed. " "May I be of service?" the doctor
asked her.
Ethel stepped forward then.
"For ten days I've been searching
your various field hospitals," she told
him. "This Is my last chance. Tell
me oh, I'm afraid! I'm afraid to
ask! , , . She nerved herself by a
visible effort. "Tell me is Captain
Cnptnln "
As she faltered there came a quick
cry from the man the doctor had Just
left.
"Ethel!" Larry's call electrified them.
She hurried to him.
"Oh, my dear!" she answered with
a dry sob.
"My darlln'l My darlln'l You're
safe you're not hurt?" he exclaimed,
as she put her arms about him with
immense tenderness.
"No, no! And I'm here with you,
thank God!"
"Tell me what news from the
front?" he demanded, as a roll of can
nonading filled the church with its res
onant booming.
"Oh, I can't tell you," she said. "It's
too dreadful." But she saw that he
craved the truth, even though it were
the worst "We're 'still retreating.
They say Paris Is lost."
The notes of a bugle again sounded
clear through the roar of the great
guns.
"Oh, dear God, they mustn't take
Paris!" Larry cried. "If we can keep
Paris, we've a fighting chance." He
stopped abruptly then, and turned his
head as If at some wondrous sound.
"Listen to the bugles!" he shouted.
"They're not playing retreat! Thafs
the call to attack! , . , What does
It mean?"
A messenger burst into the church.
"Who's- in charge here?" he de
manded. "I am," Aubrey told him.
"I'm from headquarters," the man
said. "Is Captain Lawrence Redmond
here?"
"Yes, yes! I'm here!" Larry called,
struggling to his feet with Ethel's
help.
The messenger crossed to where the
wounded man stood, half supported
by the girl.
"I have the honor to report," he an
nounced, "that General French and
General Joffre extend to you their
grateful thanks for your information,
and to state that you have been men
tioned in the dispatches for signal
bravery in the cause of the allies."
"Oh, my dear and you said 'For
King and Country!'" Ethel exclaimed,
her heart near to bursting with pride
in him.
"What do I matter," he chlded her,
"when out there they are driving us
back? Hear their guns!" The little
structure that sheltered them shook
from cellar to raftered roof under the
vibration of the terrific fire
"One moment!" Said the messenger.
"I have to add, sir, that your Informa
tion, coming at a vital time, has en
abled the English troops, In conjunc
tion with the French, to execute a turn
ing movement. And after a four-days'
battle the enemy is now in retreat be
yond the Marne."
Larry seemed not to grasp the news.
He looked dully at the man from head
quarters. "What did you say?" he asked.
"The enemy is in retreat."
"But they said we were beaten,"
Larry stammered.
"I'm Just in from the front," the
messenger informed him. "I tell you,
the enemy Is' In retreat."
"And Paris? Paris is safer Larry
cried, as the joy of it all broke over
him.
"Paris is safe." was the answer.
A band was playing now, and those
glad folk in the little church could hea
the thunder of marching feet.
"You hear?" the messenger asked.
"That's the French. The reserves are
coming up from Paris."
"That's the English troops!" Larry
shouted, as he recognized a familial
marching air.
"Yes! They landed today," the man
said. i
Larry stood there listening to the
welcome strains. One arm he had flung
about Ethel. And the other he waved
above his bandaged head.
"More of our boys off to the front!"
he exulted. "And do you mind what
they're playing, my darling?" he asked
her. It was "Tipperary."
The wounded men caught up tht
song.
Captain Redmond smiled happily as
the soldiers shouted the words; and as
they reached a certain passage of the
chorus he looked down at Ethel with
world of tenderness In his eyes and
held her closer.
The English Tommies were singing,
"The sweetest girl I know!"
THE END.
Zoological Moment
Nephew "I tried to get a raise to
day, aunt but the boss refused It"
Mrs, , Blunderby "Too bad, Dicky.
Perhaps yon didn't approach him at
the toological moment"