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About The Eugene weekly guard. (Eugene, Or.) 1899-1904 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 13, 1900)
I Gloating in the Gloamln«. t EUGENE WEEKLY GUARD. CAllUlll EUGENE BKO»., rr.jriMu,». OREGON According to the censúa. Boston should l>e eating 25 07 ¡>er cent mure of beaus tbau she ate in lsbO. s. u f 4 i HUMOR OF THE WEEK I there Is loo much worship of precedent and too inm-h deprecation of the pres etit In comparison with the past, "tiir earlier and better days of the repub lic." In a speech he questions the tot ter days of "the Fathers.' To estab list bls point Mr. O'Meara make» uum erous citations fruui history. Wash lugion beaHs .',1» l st of the »ayiug» illustrious men with his deciaratioi that "«(M-ciilaturn, peculatlou. and mi Insatiable Hilrst for r.ehe» »rem ti have got the totter of every oilier ion ■Ideration." Patrick Henry had IltH- hope that "a people (aissesslng so small a share of virtue and public spirit would accompHsii much. Alexaudet Hamilton cbarat terlzed Hie con-titu tlon a« "u frail and wortfiliss fabric." Reformers are constantly towaillng the existing corruption In politics, but Mr. O'Meara Is-lieve« with Mi .blasters that "In tilibu-teriug and gerrymander Ing. lu ateallng goveruor*lil|i* and leg Islatures. Ill using force at the |*»ll*. in colonizing and In distributing pat ronage to whom patronage Is due. In ull the frauds amt trk-ks that go to make up the worst form of practical politics. Hu- m< n »bo founded our State and national governments were always onr equal* nml often our mau ler*." though they lived al a time when "universal suffrage did not exist and when tin- franchise wa* everywhere guarded by property and religious qunl- llleatliins of tie- strictest kind.” Mr. O'Meara cites the fact that great dltll <-ulty was experlencisl In obtaining an escort at the funeral of Hamuel Ad urns, ow ing to ' |*dlHcal enmities. In view of which lie Is led to »ay: "Find In the last thirty years a »Ingle word of personal contempt or bitterness hurl cd by one candidate for President at another. There Is none »licit, and If It had been uttered the guilty man would have fallen low III tile eateeni even of bl* own party." Yet such expression» were common In the days of "the l-'ath era.” In some respect» the politic« of our day I* totter than that of a humlreil year* ago. In »rune respects It I* worse. There are more tempta tions In modern imlltlcs. and. human nature remaining about the same, there Is more corruption of a certain kind Hinn In Hie i-Hrller days. Nevertheles*. the world of pollHi-w 1» growing better I “YOU PUSH THE BUTTON.” Ôe-GGC- ;-<»3C*5€-f5-€-<5€-€-^öe€- “XX hen you rejected me last even ing." asked young Spoonamore, "bad you beard. Miss Quickstep, that my rich uncle had cut me off without a STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Carious and Laughable Phases of Human .Nature Grapbicullr Por trayed by Eminent Word Artista of ^^HAFNi'EY ALPORT, got Into; pertiuuuce to »nap that little machine uur Own L>a> - A budget of L uu. (C a ’ ■ , : g 1.. gilts, at the wonder of green, Impetuou» wa through sbe.-r l:s:|e»«n---s. he said. ter lu its eternal passion. But be did Wagers are sometime« laid by the Taxon—Do you have an alarm clock Hr took no Interest lu bls food, elthrr. ’ It, and laughed. partisans of a cause lieiu.e that's tnd his fellow clerks dow u at the Hitch He found health and strength out In it your bouse? their way of aid and abettiug. Cock stove works »aid to oue another . the tield» during his vai atluU He be Paxon—I don’t have to have; we ve that If a trial sheet of Alport's were to i came aware of the sweetness of the fot twin». In a way the treatment of the oyster balance they’d fall dead of surprise. earth; aud he was no longer averse to The Return Trip. !» reminiscent of the old Herl plural law l he young mau himself knew- to a life. Hr slept well and ate well, ami "Will you have plenty of freab fruit of retaliation; "A knife for an eye.” reasonable degree of certainty why be t ame I ome eager to renew bis work aud it that farm where you go. Alice; could not work better, and why the determined to endure hi» sorrow» gal "Yes; Arthur say» he w ill bring a b<g A new Maryland Industry Is raising hours after work dragged even more lantly. If he must always drudge, then yasketful every night.” Belgian hares for the market. May ialnely thuu those In the office. Th«- he would do It without complaint. If no worse hair-raising story ever come truih was. lie could » e uo fu ure ah> ad he must live without the woman of 111* His Diapoaition. from that locality. "Is XVigston so terribly Jealous of his He was »t that |eiltit of his cartel'i love he would bear It a» other men had where be looked with distrust upon ev torn.- similar sorrows, with philosophy wife?” XV e are a creilltor nation all right, but "Oh, yes. He goes all to piece* If she erytbmg relating to himself, lie bad I He wa» ashamed of hiuiM-lf fur his su we are pnrtlciilar as to the llne of credlt grave doubts atom hl» ability to to 1 pine surrender to ill-fortune. tven speaks crosa to another man. weexleud. For lnstance: Tb» Sultan come any thing more than a c|<-rk ou u | Everytody congratulated him on bls uf Turkey would not be accommodated. A Joke. »mall salary. He didn't believe be , Improved ¡ippearam-e. Violet G.lder- Willie Say. did you propose to my would to able to malnta.il the agree- , slet-ve, bending forward from ber pbae The Shall of Persia has purchased able social (lositioii to v. bleb be wa» ’on. maided at him In a commendatory lister last night? sixty bicycles nml seven automobiles. Featherstone- Eh Ah! Why. XXillie.' born. Mild lie wa* absolutely »ure tha: ; way, and tailed out that be must come Ills blghm-ss must Is- ismtempla I dig WtlUe—'Cause everybody in the house the girl he loved would uever accept to see ber. H" flushed, feeling the old the living of a fast life In the future has been guying the life out of her. him. pang at lu* heart, aud gave an evasive 'Tlie girl he loved waa Violet Glider answer. He knew that he dare not Fi nunc lai Hospitality. A Yale professor claim* to be able by Sleeve. She lived In the low, long, accept that Invitation. Now that life Lady—Don’t you serve Iced lemonade means of hypnotism to cure drunkard* ElizalieHian house Just beyond the out beat so strongly lu his veins again, and at thia bank? of their thirst. The drunkards are re skirts of town. Here, half il hitlen tluit he felt so full of potential happi Cashier-Oh. ye«, madam; but not to ported to l>e running over oue another house ness. he dared not visit her, lest In spite people who draw money—only to de- among trees, the la-autlful lit their hurry to get out of Connecticut. seemed to drone through life In spite of the guard set upou himself he should positors. uf lhe eager commercial town Just b>- tell her uf his love. It wa» a hard and If It's true that men who suddenly Not fur Farmer Green. yond It. am) into Violet's tlays there rasping comtltion—bls poverty. The ap|H-ar In other sections of the country appeared to come nothing but beauty worst of It was that she would never change their names, the same thing ami content tin nt and whatever wa» re understand She would think him self bus been observed of the American Hued and leisurely. She was lu a house ish and coarse aud cruel. She would red bird when it migrates from place bold of gentlewomen, all of elegan', remember those exquisite eveuings. to place. serene live«, all taklug money as a mat with their air of insinuating tenderness, ter uf course, »nd Chauncey Alpurt feit and blush at the recollection, because Phrenology and palmistry are out of choked by the complalsancy of their of hl* «Hence. lie could hardly endure date. Character, It I» said. 1» now manlier» mid by their mntter-of fact that she should be so humiliated. But read by the Hues in Hie soles uf the prosperity. To take Violet from a lii< there seemed no other way but silence. feet. This seems to be getting down so placid mid full of grace to tlie toll. Dow u at the shop they inquired about to the foundation of things. It will ■ nd worry, and poverty that must to hl* plm'ographs. and he said that he probably be found that the shoemaker the lot of his w ife w as out uf the ques thought lu the Interests of artistic pho is responsible for more bad character tion. than bus heretofore been sup|»osed. tography they ought never to be devel That tihe loved him. that the long oped. But Fellows, who was an en Farmer Green (looking at the cable Sunday afternoons on that shady lawn, thusiast, would not have It so. He In The loss and waste through negll talking of music and book*, and. best sisted upon seeing for himself the re •Igni—Not on your life. Then derued gence Is Incomparable. The mechani of all. of themselves, had been as ah sults of hit friend's Ur»l expwieuee bunco chap* won't find me so easy. My cal genius and business energy of our «orbing to her a* to him he felt In the with a camera. valise Is goln' to stay abet, by gum.— age Is devoted In large measure Io the SWELL INDIAN GIRL. Innermost eoiiseiollHness of his soul. So l"0 preposterous prluts came back Chicago Inter Ocean. economies of doing things. If any one a ball •ay that Indention» In machinery Ml«* Took.h Turner,. Hiylilr Accom- But this was all Hie mots* reason why from tlie developers. Dogs with their Huit un Object. |ill.lie<l Vusrler-hreril V herokt-e. he should not indulge himself in the tails off, human creatures that looked have reached the limit, which la fur "After I hail watched a colored man Indian girl In the The moat beautiful like monsters, landscapes blurred till a safe prediction, no one cun »ay from fishing In a pond for forty minutes XY’eat, according to photographers, I* even Corot would have refused to call that the occupation of making men without puli.'ng up his hook.” said the Ml** Tonkali Turner, She Is a quarter.- them the handiwork of the creator, lias reached the limit. Men. as never traveler. "I a. keil him if he thought bri-i-d Cherokee girl, and Ilves at Mils- before, are a necessity of business. cows who had neglected to fore shorten there were any i.sh there to be caught. kogee, 1. T. Iler father la a wealthy themselves, and hills that were a dis " ‘No, sah. 1 reck in not,’ be replied. merchant, He Is a white man. while The value of negative blessings, so to grace to their klud and seemed to have •' 'But you seem to be tishiug.' her mother I* a Cherokee Indian. XI la* apeak the things that do not happen been skipplug like little lambs at the “ 'Y es, sail.’ la seldom laketi Into account, .vet one Turner I* highly accotupllsbeil. having time of having their pictures taker, pre “ 'But perhaps yot are not fishing for might not unreasonably figure them as graduated from several colleges and si-nted themselves to tlie Jeering com- fish?' ••assets.” For Instance, ail Insurance school* of music and art. She Is con mi nt of the office force. “ ‘No. sah.’ ex|s-rt estimates that two and a half Then, from anioni; these monstrosl "1 waited ten minutes for him to ex inlllloo accidents. Involving a money ties, appeared one amazing, beautiful loss of one hundred and seventeen lull (iriut, full of poetry and motion and plain. but as he did not 1 finally asked lions of dollars, take place In this coun light. It was the photograph of Niag him what particular object he had in try every year. Turning tills state ara Falls. Tlie fringes of luce-like mist view. " 'De objlck, sah.’ he repeated with ment about II little. It would seem Hull that decorated the great downpour of the people who met with no accident shadowy water, was there as though It out taking his eyes off the pond or Inst year saved thereby, on an average, flirted In the summer wind; the whirl moving the pole—‘de objlck of my flail forty six dollars and eighty cental pool at tlie foot of the fall seemed to in’ fur lish whar dere hain’t any Is leap and rise aud fall again, w ith groan let de ole woman see dat 1 hain’t got Conditions In Porto lllco have greatly lug ami a madness of fear. The wind time to (tick up de boe and work in IULÌ a nor r ruo.ro- of the waters appeared to come from truck patch!' ’’—Washington Post. Improved »luce the American uccupa O II A I'll--. tluti of the island. An elllclimt tele this dead thing. A hush of admiraliim Often the Case. graphic system I ih been established, luxury of her society. If he aloue was fell upon everybody. It seemed almost Askington Frieklesniith Is a very and mails are In process of construction a miracle. to endure tlie pain In sweetu •» and Versatile chap, isn’t he? which will make all parts of the Island Fellows picked It up reverently. run the risk of ultimate despair and Teller—Oh. yes! He makes n differ easily accessible. The Judiciary ha* "It's lhe best picture of the Falls ever bitterness he might coutinue to Indulge ent kind of fool of himself almost every been reformed; schools have been rem himself In her society. But lie could taken, my boy.” he said. gaiilzed xml Improved; an efficient po Alport looked at It incredulously. "It day In the week. Puck. Hot Involve her lu this Sllfferlug. The I can't to that I took that," he lice force Ims put down brigandage said only thing for him to do was to break A Goo 1 Thin ; io Cert tin Case«. once the curse of the Island mid ren "There's some mistake." off their romance. It must be mi iule: Mrs. llenpeque ireadlngi- It says deled life mid property generally se TOOK AH 1I HNKH. "You pushed the button, some one rupted mid forever iintinlslied tale. And here that this new elixir of life will cure. Improved sanllallon has Imd because of this resolution lie 6u>pe,l at quoted. "Nature did tlie rest uu ibis make a man live for 200 years. Mhlered lhe swellest dresser of any of marked effects In promoting public Ills desk, forgot to sleep, mid hud no occasion.” Mr. llenpeque -If I was a bachelor health, and under the m-w order of the girl* of the Cherokee tribe, mid timi The excellence of toe photograph Interest lu hl* dinner. buy a bottle! Puck. thing*. It I* sate to assume Unit, a* Is say lug a great deal. Some of her was borue witness to presently by the "It's your turn for a raeatlon, Al time passes, the Island will eujoy a clothe* arc made In l’aria. Rhe has a photographer, who came down to lu port," Ills employer »aid. "You've been pro*|ierlty hitherto unknown In It» hl» tine collection of diamond* and Jewelry quire if he couldn't buy tlie plate, l-'el Ml»» Turner ha* none of lhe feature* looking under the weather. Go off to lory. lows wluked Alport to refuse, though of an Indian, mid one would not be some place you've uever seen or heard w lieu the price offered Is-giiu to UM-end To American» the Lord Chief Justice lieve »he was part Cherokee mile»* told of and get a change of air ami Idea*. It was bard to resist the teuiplatlou.” of England I» usually but a name. The of tlie fact. She Is proud of her atl Everybody needs shaking up one,. In "You semi that on to the railroad eestora. but It I« likely she will marry a awhile. I've a friend who'll tlx you out late Barou Russell of Klllow-eU. how compnuy nml see If they won’t use it ever, was almost a* well known mid white num. ns moat of till» cliiaa of for transportation If you like, Come, •hut up your book mid make a holiday (or au advertisement." said Fellows gir'« do. quite a* slucerely respected lu the Fill of It. and go home and pack, Get out "But don’t gin- up the copyright you ted Slate» a* iu Great Britain lie had Pahl XX ell lor the XX oi k. of here to morrow luornlug. Fellow s must gel It copy r glittd. you know TIHs Vlilted till* country twice, the list Him will come om gloriously In a trauspar Not long sime a large nmiiufm turei Is back, mid lie'll do your work.” to deliver a n.**i thoughtful ami »tig telegraphed to n London safe maket Chauncey Alport was »itrjirlscd nt euev.” gestivo addle** cw Intel national law AI|M>rt caught the enthusiasm from Even before hl* elevation to the hlgliesl requesting that an expert locksmith himself, lie dropped the burden of the his frieud mid began, like the aeuxibh Judicial office In Great Itrltalu. he Imd la- sent at once to his place of business, work as If It had been a peddler's pack a town alsiut fifty miles from the city, strapped upou him. He put from him fellow he really waa w hen lie was no: won unheisal recognition by the urn* telly skill with which lie had exposed t’pon reaching his destination the ex wltli bitter distaste the recollection of badgered by fate, to push hl* advant- He did till* so well that at the the I'lggolt forgeries III the laiudon pert. with Ills kit of tools, repaired to lil« poverty and the dull drudgery of the age Times, und vindicated Parnell, the Hie establishment and vvh « Informed office. It seemed as If lightheartedness end of three moutha lie was the (tosses ||e »or of iliuxsi made from his lucky ami Irish home rule lender. He represented that the vault, an old fashioned affair, was coming back to him again. which locked with a key and which thaukisl Ills employer almost tearfully, exquisite picture. Great Britain In the Bering Sea arbitra He had always maintained that with tlon. was a member of Hie X eiiexuela contained the safe and books of the mid got his desk ill order ready lor leaving. Just then Fellow*, hl» asso eapitn! lie could lils-rate himself from tribunal, and mi the death of laird omi'irn, could not be opened. The man examined the lock and then ciate, but freshly returned from hi» va the drudgery of ottiee work, and In llerschell was chosen Io succeed him the key. opened Ills kit. took out a lilt cation. eatue In. proved tills to to true. There were • s President of the Joint High Commis "1 hear you’re getting out of here,” opportunities iqa-tilng in his ambitious ■ Ion These duties kt pt him In close of wire and togati to dig a mass of he «aid cordially. village of which lie availed himself touch with American statesmen and crumbs, dust and lint out of the kev More Forcible. “Y«* ” re*(ionded Aljiort “The truih He got In on the "ground floor” of an lawyers, whose confldetice lie won and Then he Inserted It In the lock and "I’ve notlcexl.” remarked the < icrgy- a sickly Is I'm so near done for that there's no Industrial onterprlse. aud In a year lie kept by III* courtesy, fair lulndedliess when Hie proprietor with man. polutedly, "that the man who 1 do everything had a home—a modeat Imitation of a • ml profound legal knowledge Ills «mile looked up. turned the Implement use In my staying. goes to sleep tn eliurch Is generally very and opened the door. wrung mid am In everybody'» way If eertaln luxurious Ellxntothan mansion «balli was a loss to International mini w Ide awake at the baseball game." "Wlmt's your charge?" a < lus I the my vacation doesn't set me up I don't of which he knew mid In the window By. amt to the whole body of English "Yea." returned the hardened sinner, know what will become of me." man ufacturer. of his library swung a large and beau •peaking people. "O. a vacation acta like a miracle tiful trau»|»areucy In w hich the water* “the delivery Is different, you know.”— ’•Five guinea«," replied the expert riiiladelpbia Record. "Doe* anyone know you are In when a man gets tagged that way. i;ol of Niagara »♦«•med to forever leap and Society people are Interested In the some gmsl novels? Fll get some out of »bout. Violet Alport, the careful young town ?" ■nnoum-eiurat that the American So Not a Complete Job. my ease I picked out a rm»- lot la-fore liou«ekee]>vr. always dusted this with “No." clely of I'rofcs.ora of Dancing In eon Wife (sternly) Well, sir! What's the I atarted And. say, take my camera her own hands. "Well. then, here are .lx guineas." veutloil as-embled has ottb iaily and with you." "It 1» fragile," she .ah! to her maid. matter with you? formally pill the hail of Its displeasure remarked the nuinufaeturer "I'll give Husband Why. tn’dear. to abee xhe "«>. I don't know how to nae P. Thank “Iwt me dust It, and then ft I break It you a guinea extra If you'll take the on rag lime music and hop w altz Here you. Just tie »line, old man. but It I will have tio one to find fault with gash turm-d up an' you waitin' up r first train back to London without tell after, If the professors of the terp*l me Jush took my brvaxh »way. wouldn't lx- any good In my hand* ' hut myself." chorean art are otoyed, dancers will Ing anyone the price I've |isld to have Wife lieilyl— Too bad It didn't take "Ye«_ It would, It's no end of fun But her real reason was that of ber a Ilian dig dust out of a key for llie.'*- glldi* over the |«dIsInxl floor of the bull squinting around at views ■tnd pre- lure« and penati« this was the must away your stagger, too. Philadelphia lamdon Telegraph. room to the slower and swinging tueaa lending you understand 'conqiosltion.' «aired, and she preferred that only Press. lire« of more dlgnlfled music, and the XX tirre Isinglass Comes From. • nd «napping at thing«, I'll run a him those bound to the house by love should jerky two «iep U to to transformed At the Seaside. The Iwit Isinglass comes from Itus lu Y'ou'ie got to take It, that's all! take It lu their bands. Chicago Trlb Into a dam-e of graceful and easy Heroic Giri-What has become of » a. where It Is obtained from the giant You don't kuow what’s gissi for you. line. moi'i-ment Mo far as the poetry of un> that handsome man who cheered so sturgeon which Inhabits the Caspian It'll amuse you. you'll «< tlon is concerned, then- can Is- no loudly when I rescued the little boy sea and the rivers which run Into It So Al(xirt had uo choc I'iieering Possitdliiy. doubt that the banishment of rug time from drow u!ug? This fish often grows to the length of the <am-*ra to bi« (uirapliernalla. Tlie spirit of emulation sometimes ■ lid the hop. skip »nd Jump style of Friend -He Is over there on the ver twenty tire feet, and from Its air hlad though be felt uol the l«a«t luierot t.rtugs strange fact» to light. Two dem-lug will to an in improvement improvement. It anda. proposing to the girl der the Isinglass Is prepare«I It Is In IL w bo «mall toys at a slimmer rv?mrt vivre has always tieen d1 I cult to admire au fa.nted. New subjected to many prot-vaaes tiefore to II • Journey wa* to Central New boasting of the respective merits of •creamed aud York • ggrvgaVkm of i animateli rnbtor balls Weekly. Ing ready for sale, but the Hussians York win- e some killfolk of hl* lived their native cities, bouticlug over t lhe fl<sir to ttie luspir- knowing It has the reputation of being ou a flue old farm. ID* went his way • There are a great many more |>e<>p|e tug «trains of " Ah, There. My laxly,” His Personal Right«. the best, take great (tains In Its prep patiently, find'tig nothing of Interest in New York than there are lu Boston.' “Now that you are wealthy. Mr. C<>m ami similar up to t da I« rnu«h’al roin|N> exi-ept li'« own brooding thought«, lie srntlou. ami In the world's markets it said one of them ttnally. with au air monstitek." said the man who dealt iu •'lion* At the hi me tliur It Is more ha* (tract . ally no rival A great d<*al read the novel» hla frieud lent him, but of cloolng a useless dto-ussion. pevllgrees and the like, “you really »ven the than doubtful w briber is made along the Amaxon In Brasil he could not recall, a few hour »Her "That's true, maybe." »aid the little should adopt a coat of arms " weighty InJInrare of fhr American but It Is very coarse and Inferior, and he had completed oue. whether he I .i New Englander, cautiously; "but a “I'll do as I durn plraae." retortcl dam Ing master« will to «uflleient is used for the refining of liquor« and r«-ad It or uot. Ilia tortured mind great many Bo«rou people have gone t. Mr t'omm.mst. k. hotly. -|f ( drive rag time music entirely out ot similar piir)*wes The adulteration o' fu-M .I to accept auy Idea. exee|«t \ .o hospitals aud aluisbouwa i ■ nd nn«i go around in my shirt »leer«-« that ain t M.»«t people like a lively the Hehl, gisvd Isinglass with the Inferior kinds The camera was strapped all tout ti State prinon! I e»|>ect if they W*rv «li none <»' your buslnrs» ' Philadelphia tune, ami the A nier lean people as a can always I* detected by placing • nd a« In duty tound he t(H>k suap counted, you'd have to stop talking Record. w hole are ton nervous and men-nrlal In samples In toiling water The best shots at everything he saw which i had st*.tit New York!" ieiniH-ranirsit ever tn go !••■ k to the Isinglass will <||«s.dve comidetely leav lU It the least element of the plctur •low ami iHgntfli-il meu«urea to wlil h Wheu a woman admit* that •be baa Ing no visible rew luitin. wldle the In e*i|ite lie took views ol if old men with Jackson Why don t you get sonie of •nr gramlfatIters walked through the fertor variety will show threads of a tin brellas. and pert girts with parasols, ts-A-u married as long as twenty year», jour fnends to help Jou out» ■ giire« of tlie stately minuet. «he Ui-arb always viaItus she wa> mar he got p'cturv-« of sheep and cattle ami fibrous tisane dark In i-olor. Jntnpu(»(ie- B«* au«e I am so poor I trees ami churx-lies and lakes and bills rlisl ai sixteen. eau t affonl t.. „, n,t fMterà Th»* Th.- | h * o Sterra O'Meara, the brilliant editor A line of qgcurslon toa la la now ply Ami. ae dviitally, be too« a snap at It • a ni.gbtj poor petsuu who van l pie Wbo cuefer U»»u. expext tuv much ft the Boston Journal. tobe«»» that i < va the I mad m a Y e*, va the Itoad Nagsra 1 a..a It s.viued a silly Im pay Lkauka. la ratura. LUa. CJ.^' ra 4 I shilling?" "No.” she said, with tears of tender compassion In her eye». "I bad not. Be lieve me. my frieud, I am so------ ” "Well, he hasn’t—and I've got anoth er girl." And In the pale moonlight be was seen to levr horribly.—Chicago Tribune. She Was. Clara—What a pretty bonnet you have on! Irene—Yes. but I'm over my ears I d debt for It.—Chicago Tribune. Not Flnoouh to Hu«t, First Boarder I wonder what makes this strawberry shortcake so heavy? Second Boarder Don't know, but It Isn’t the weight of the strawls-rries ou tup, anyhow. New York Weekly. She Expected Too Much. "Look here, bir!" exclaimed the maid en lady. "1 want you to take back that parrot you sold me. 1 And that it swear» very badly.” "Well, madam.” replied the dealer. "It's a very young bird; it'll learu to swear more perfect vv lieu it » a bit old- ”—Philadelphia Press. "DOO WATCH" ,N A w. Clewer Coll,, house K»eper, ?c’«s.| Probably the uniy la the world so far *•»' cerned 1. kept on bouse, off Biddefupj p ■I,'M is the num.. . . . ‘ ;• X, watcher wnu craft His Orcutt, keepvr ot Ihe .T‘ Having passed must □ h of life on rocky WtgQ be waves beat eea.^^ Ite .bore, and the pass,n/*' aud down the coast l, th. " to break the monotony *? naturally takes a gr^t n,, ** tical-matters. Early In life. whpa oU puppy, he was bro„l‘!| and from YKoodbuX farm In Westbrook sailor then, for hll faiui,H"» era. being Scotch . 1 •log.. But Sailor wa, teaming the wav* uf p 91 r a deep Interest in w ha'tet„ . 1 did. aud followed hlIU lr,JU station wherever he w>ll. among other thing« tlu, often pulled a rope that ring. TbcbHlwL. used to warn Vessel, to,.*' salute them iu fair outside the llghtbon,» , ,S|, above a wooden platform J.’ attached to Its tongu, near the platform tbal ¡¡J’’ easily reach It. Oue day Sailor thought «, Oct West. Broncho Tete Say, Bill, whnt'd y' think o' that young doctor what's jlst eoiue here fr'ui d' East? Think tliar's any stuff In 'Im? Brawny Bill Sure. Ain't he a doc- tor? Aw, he's killed his man all right. — Philadelphia Bulletin. Human Nature. "There are very few people who don't get interestisl in a good scrap.” "That's right. 1 think there are a number of advocates of universal peace w ho would be somewhat disappointed at an abrupt termination of the Boer war.”—Harper's Bazaar. Exclusive Informat'on. "Say, pa, what's a bachelor?” "A bachelor, my son, is a ml; lucky fellow, but don't tell your that I told you!”—Der Floh. kiiid M iihic . He (after the fiftieth piece»— I could just die playing the banjo. She (ambiguously)—1 could just die listening to you. Her Fiance. Mag—Now dat she’s got so rich I *'(>ose she’s shook Billy Casey dat used ter be her steady comp'uy. Kit Not much. She lets him take care of her roll now. Mag—Git out! Kit—Dat's right. 1 sez to 'r: “Is Billy yer steady comp’ny yet?" and she drn wed 'erself up, mi' sex; "Mr. Casey Is my flnaucier." Love's Labor Lost. Softleigh I uvv -have vveally put in the enfiali day at aw—bawd labor, doucher know. Miss Cutting—Is It possible! Softleigh Yaws; not — aw — manual labor, but bvvalu work, doucher know, which Is the- aw hawdest of all. Miss Cutting—Yes, it must be for you.- Chicago News. A Sliininu Murk. Borrows Easy, is lie? Graphter Well, 1 should say. I wrote to him ouce and asked him to leud me S2. It seems 1 spelt "two” t double o, aud forgot to cross the t. He »cut me fi’Al.- Philadelphia Pres*. Promise* of XVInter. The meatiest man yet revealed him self at ou«- of the railroad stations the other eveulug. He was about to start ou a three weeks' vacation at the sea shore, all by himself, and bis worn-look ing little wife and two cliildreu were dow 11 at the station to see him off. "Never miml,” said he to his worn- looklug little wife, as he started through the gate, -Just you wait until the cold weather gets here, and If things come my way I'll let you get that Jacket of yours trimmed with aa- trak11an!"— \Yasliington I’ost. **feAllX)R’’ BAIATI« A vn seized the rope In his inuutb~aM cd. The bell rang clear igi Sailor was delimited. He (|_i busby tall vigorously ami pu!i«< Sailor after a time notl.-ed ta ringing of the bell marked Ti of a vessel or steamer. Hiii this fact resulted In hi« tryiij periinent. When he saw tian sei coming he anticipated kin hi ringing the bell. As the years have paneiM kept on ringing salutes to ptsiM seis' and steamers. Indeed, tel hurt If not permitted to gi t, tomary salute to passing cgi skipper* whose course taisxai en past Wood Island are n-tna| see Sailor tugging vigoronijt great bell tongue. They reply with a will a ship’s bell or horn, and It a steamers a hearty triple blasts back to the canine watcher oil Island, who gives a Dew meat the good old sea term nJ "doji Sailor may be said to ban the prime of life, but be la stH height of his vigor and Is in Si ditlon. He weighs sixty color 1« black, marked » th til he Ims a white spot on In I Sailor ba* had his picture takes act of ringing the bell, Jwf Smith. Jr., of Andover, Jlaa.1 "snapped" him. The plctwit cently published in a Loudot zine. A Tame Wildest. From the Kansas City •I'lOtMl a pleasing account ot » tame • the property of a Chicago The cat. which 1» as Urge at sized bulldog, and. iceordWI proud owner, could wlr.piti'''* of those Irou-Jawed beasts :» minutes, is its docile and ¡nd kitteu. Trapper .lame’ Wilson.’k cabin Is situated in the • •I’1 Minnesota w.... 1» - geon Lake, captured the w."'« it was so small that its rji’ ly open. He trained it bxj mouths, feeding It »it* r"" milk and bread, and t.Hbt. iri Chicago horn«-, it play« ■* In atutislng g ‘titli n' -«. ■' ’’1 In the w indow g iz nr •'t1 eyes out upon tlie street, witk® tmle of horses and wag'»«■ * In Its brisker . ...... 1« "n a ».J* leaping» about the o®c*. A Jump of a «ev-n t'Ot J* ’ not quite the limit of i - eod<*U a spring of ten or eleven M to(i «f « 11 *WCk ' which it lands « to topple over. Is on» Of feats. Qualified I or the ”'«*• "So yon r . i. - IHfiic.iltle* of l.atitn le. "Social conditions ! n these 1 Hitch re- publics were not all that could be de- sired. I fancy." "No, iudeed. •Tust Imagine .Tun? brides occurring iu winter!”—Detroit Journal. T1>c««aly'» Postage Stamp». There lii« toeu a great run ou th* new postage stamp fur Thessaly, which the Turkish government has caused to be circulated. These stamjis are of the value of 5. 2 and 1 piastre* and of 20 and IO paras, and so eager were col lector« to pis.es» tne new stumps that on the third day following their Intro duction those valued at 5 and 2 piastre« were all Isiught up. and changed hands at is shillings. Tlie stanipa of smaller value brought 4 shilling*. The traders In th.se stamp« were Turkish officers and civil servants, who. now that the eva.-imtiou of Thessaly la taking detin- Ite aba(H*. evidently thought tlie first and only l««ue of stamps by the Turk i«h government was an opportunity fot making money not to be throw u away. Pittsburg Dispatch S uit of It. "D«v yon really think that yon love tuy daugfitor a« a hn«l>an ! «liotiid '" "lane ber? Why. I w..uld give UP my blcyele for her." iNo card».; New York Herald. ’ w»»a<b<*r man. "G< m »I! Why > - -11'' y°M «ay! » temper««! mnu that ever ' "But what ba' t^11 f"• It?" “Got to do with It. <«rt why. he can ’•I«1“1 " f 'kicks' and answer more without forgetting to * other man In the wuuie JudgXng '•« .»f-r “You thiuk wt ■ ’ the publication 111 asked the bead of tb< "Well. I think it » aucces».'' cautioas'.r -Why?" -Because It I’ deals with subj- t to kuow very !■ : Gambetta'« Gamtotta wa that certain boo and others unlw commem-e an? or start on an : out consulting cards as to the a XVhen a girl 0°“ young man. »i>* covk. ____ Yuu caû accounting for b*r 61 , bj aajias tli4t •fc* ‘ I
