I
Gloating in the Gloamln«.
t
EUGENE WEEKLY GUARD.
CAllUlll
EUGENE
BKO»., rr.jriMu,».
OREGON
According to the censúa. Boston
should l>e eating 25 07 ¡>er cent mure
of beaus tbau she ate in lsbO.
s.
u
f
4
i
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
I there Is loo much worship of precedent
and too inm-h deprecation of the pres
etit In comparison with the past, "tiir
earlier and better days of the repub
lic." In a speech he questions the tot
ter days of "the Fathers.'
To estab
list bls point Mr. O'Meara make» uum
erous citations fruui history.
Wash
lugion beaHs .',1» l st of the »ayiug»
illustrious men with his deciaratioi
that "«(M-ciilaturn, peculatlou. and mi
Insatiable Hilrst
for r.ehe» »rem ti
have got the totter of every oilier ion
■Ideration." Patrick Henry had IltH-
hope that "a people (aissesslng so small
a share of virtue and public spirit
would accompHsii much.
Alexaudet
Hamilton cbarat terlzed Hie con-titu
tlon a« "u frail and wortfiliss fabric."
Reformers are constantly towaillng
the existing corruption In politics, but
Mr. O'Meara Is-lieve« with Mi .blasters
that "In tilibu-teriug and gerrymander
Ing. lu ateallng goveruor*lil|i* and leg
Islatures. Ill using force at the |*»ll*.
in colonizing and In distributing pat
ronage to whom patronage Is due. In
ull the frauds amt trk-ks that go to
make up the worst form of practical
politics. Hu- m< n »bo founded our
State and national governments were
always onr equal* nml often our mau
ler*." though they lived al a time when
"universal suffrage did not exist and
when tin- franchise wa* everywhere
guarded by property and religious qunl-
llleatliins of tie- strictest kind.”
Mr.
O'Meara cites the fact that great dltll
<-ulty was experlencisl In obtaining an
escort at the funeral of Hamuel Ad
urns, ow ing to ' |*dlHcal enmities. In
view of which lie Is led to »ay: "Find
In the last thirty years a »Ingle word
of personal contempt or bitterness hurl
cd by one candidate for President at
another. There Is none »licit, and If It
had been uttered the guilty man would
have fallen low III tile eateeni even of
bl* own party." Yet such expression»
were common In the days of "the l-'ath
era.”
In some respect» the politic«
of our day I* totter than that of a
humlreil year* ago. In »rune respects
It I* worse. There are more tempta
tions In modern imlltlcs. and. human
nature remaining about the same, there
Is more corruption of a certain kind
Hinn In Hie i-Hrller days. Nevertheles*.
the world of pollHi-w 1» growing better
I “YOU PUSH THE BUTTON.”
Ôe-GGC- ;-<»3C*5€-f5-€-<5€-€-^öe€-
“XX hen you rejected me last even
ing." asked young Spoonamore, "bad
you beard. Miss Quickstep, that my
rich uncle had cut me off without a
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Carious and Laughable Phases
of Human .Nature Grapbicullr Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artista of
^^HAFNi'EY ALPORT, got Into; pertiuuuce to »nap that little machine
uur Own L>a> - A budget of L uu.
(C a
’
■ , : g 1.. gilts, at the wonder of green, Impetuou» wa
through sbe.-r l:s:|e»«n---s. he said. ter lu its eternal passion. But be did
Wagers are sometime« laid by the
Taxon—Do you have an alarm clock
Hr took no Interest lu bls food, elthrr. ’ It, and laughed.
partisans of a cause lieiu.e that's
tnd his fellow clerks dow u at the Hitch
He found health and strength out In it your bouse?
their way of aid and abettiug.
Cock stove works »aid to oue another . the tield» during his vai atluU
He be
Paxon—I don’t have to have; we ve
that If a trial sheet of Alport's were to i came aware of the sweetness of the fot twin».
In a way the treatment of the oyster
balance they’d fall dead of surprise.
earth; aud he was no longer averse to
The Return Trip.
!» reminiscent of the old Herl plural law
l he young mau himself knew- to a life. Hr slept well and ate well, ami
"Will you have plenty of freab fruit
of retaliation; "A knife for an eye.”
reasonable degree of certainty why be t ame I ome eager to renew bis work aud
it that farm where you go. Alice;
could not work better, and why the determined to endure hi» sorrow» gal
"Yes; Arthur say» he w ill bring a b<g
A new Maryland Industry Is raising
hours after work dragged even more lantly. If he must always drudge, then
yasketful every night.”
Belgian hares for the market.
May
ialnely thuu those In the office. Th«- he would do It without complaint. If
no worse hair-raising story ever come
truih was. lie could » e uo fu ure ah> ad
he must live without the woman of 111*
His Diapoaition.
from that locality.
"Is XVigston so terribly Jealous of his
He was »t that |eiltit of his cartel'i love he would bear It a» other men had
where be looked with distrust upon ev
torn.- similar sorrows, with philosophy wife?”
XV e are a creilltor nation all right, but
"Oh, yes. He goes all to piece* If she
erytbmg relating to himself, lie bad I He wa» ashamed of hiuiM-lf fur his su
we are pnrtlciilar as to the llne of credlt
grave doubts atom hl» ability to to 1 pine surrender to ill-fortune.
tven speaks crosa to another man.
weexleud. For lnstance: Tb» Sultan
come any thing more than a c|<-rk ou u |
Everytody congratulated him on bls
uf Turkey would not be accommodated.
A Joke.
»mall salary. He didn't believe be , Improved ¡ippearam-e. Violet G.lder-
Willie Say. did you propose to my
would
to
able
to
malnta.il
the
agree-
,
slet-ve,
bending
forward
from
ber
pbae
The Shall of Persia has purchased
able social (lositioii to v. bleb be wa» ’on. maided at him In a commendatory lister last night?
sixty bicycles nml seven automobiles.
Featherstone- Eh Ah! Why. XXillie.'
born. Mild lie wa* absolutely »ure tha: ; way, and tailed out that be must come
Ills blghm-ss must Is- ismtempla I dig
WtlUe—'Cause everybody in the house
the girl he loved would uever accept to see ber. H" flushed, feeling the old
the living of a fast life In the future
has been guying the life out of her.
him.
pang at lu* heart, aud gave an evasive
'Tlie girl he loved waa Violet Glider answer.
He knew that he dare not
Fi nunc lai Hospitality.
A Yale professor claim* to be able by
Sleeve.
She lived In the low, long, accept that Invitation. Now that life
Lady—Don’t you serve Iced lemonade
means of hypnotism to cure drunkard*
ElizalieHian house Just beyond the out beat so strongly lu his veins again, and at thia bank?
of their thirst. The drunkards are re
skirts of town.
Here, half il hitlen tluit he felt so full of potential happi
Cashier-Oh. ye«, madam; but not to
ported to l>e running over oue another
house ness. he dared not visit her, lest In spite people who draw money—only to de-
among trees, the la-autlful
lit their hurry to get out of Connecticut.
seemed to drone through life In spite of the guard set upou himself he should positors.
uf lhe eager commercial town Just b>- tell her uf his love. It wa» a hard and
If It's true that men who suddenly
Not fur Farmer Green.
yond It. am) into Violet's tlays there rasping comtltion—bls poverty. The
ap|H-ar In other sections of the country
appeared to come nothing but beauty worst of It was that she would never
change their names, the same thing
ami content tin nt and whatever wa» re
understand She would think him self
bus been observed of the American
Hued and leisurely. She was lu a house
ish and coarse aud cruel. She would
red bird when it migrates from place
bold of gentlewomen, all of elegan', remember those exquisite eveuings.
to place.
serene live«, all taklug money as a mat with their air of insinuating tenderness,
ter uf course, »nd Chauncey Alpurt feit and blush at the recollection, because
Phrenology and palmistry are out of
choked by the complalsancy of their of hl* «Hence. lie could hardly endure
date.
Character, It I» said. 1» now
manlier» mid by their mntter-of fact that she should be so humiliated. But
read by the Hues in Hie soles uf the
prosperity. To take Violet from a lii< there seemed no other way but silence.
feet. This seems to be getting down
so placid mid full of grace to tlie toll.
Dow u at the shop they inquired about
to the foundation of things. It will
■ nd worry, and poverty that must to hl* plm'ographs. and he said that he
probably be found that the shoemaker
the lot of his w ife w as out uf the ques thought lu the Interests of artistic pho
is responsible for more bad character
tion.
than bus heretofore been sup|»osed.
tography they ought never to be devel
That tihe loved him. that the long oped. But Fellows, who was an en
Farmer Green (looking at the cable
Sunday afternoons on that shady lawn, thusiast, would not have It so. He In
The loss and waste through negll
talking of music and book*, and. best sisted upon seeing for himself the re •Igni—Not on your life. Then derued
gence Is Incomparable. The mechani
of all. of themselves, had been as ah sults of hit friend's Ur»l expwieuee bunco chap* won't find me so easy. My
cal genius and business energy of our
«orbing to her a* to him he felt In the with a camera.
valise Is goln' to stay abet, by gum.—
age Is devoted In large measure Io the
SWELL INDIAN GIRL.
Innermost eoiiseiollHness of his soul.
So l"0 preposterous prluts came back Chicago Inter Ocean.
economies of doing things. If any one
a ball •ay that Indention» In machinery Ml«* Took.h Turner,. Hiylilr Accom- But this was all Hie mots* reason why from tlie developers. Dogs with their
Huit un Object.
|ill.lie<l Vusrler-hreril V herokt-e.
he should not indulge himself in the tails off, human creatures that looked
have reached the limit, which la fur
"After I hail watched a colored man
Indian
girl
In
the
The
moat
beautiful
like
monsters,
landscapes
blurred
till
a
safe
prediction,
no
one
cun
»ay
from
fishing In a pond for forty minutes
XY’eat, according to photographers, I*
even Corot would have refused to call
that the occupation of making men
without puli.'ng up his hook.” said the
Ml**
Tonkali
Turner,
She
Is
a
quarter.-
them the handiwork of the creator,
lias reached the limit. Men. as never
traveler. "I a. keil him if he thought
bri-i-d Cherokee girl, and Ilves at Mils-
before, are a necessity of business.
cows who had neglected to fore shorten
there were any i.sh there to be caught.
kogee, 1. T. Iler father la a wealthy
themselves, and hills that were a dis
" ‘No, sah. 1 reck in not,’ be replied.
merchant,
He
Is
a
white
man.
while
The value of negative blessings, so to
grace to their klud and seemed to have
•' 'But you seem to be tishiug.'
her mother I* a Cherokee Indian. XI la*
apeak the things that do not happen
been skipplug like little lambs at the
“ 'Y es, sail.’
la seldom laketi Into account, .vet one Turner I* highly accotupllsbeil. having
time of having their pictures taker, pre
“ 'But perhaps yot are not fishing for
might not unreasonably figure them as graduated from several colleges and
si-nted themselves to tlie Jeering com-
fish?'
••assets.” For Instance, ail Insurance school* of music and art. She Is con
mi nt of the office force.
“ ‘No. sah.’
ex|s-rt estimates that two and a half
Then, from anioni; these monstrosl
"1 waited ten minutes for him to ex
inlllloo accidents. Involving a money
ties, appeared one amazing, beautiful
loss of one hundred and seventeen lull
(iriut, full of poetry and motion and plain. but as he did not 1 finally asked
lions of dollars, take place In this coun
light. It was the photograph of Niag him what particular object he had in
try every year.
Turning tills state
ara Falls. Tlie fringes of luce-like mist view.
" 'De objlck, sah.’ he repeated with
ment about II little. It would seem Hull
that decorated the great downpour of
the people who met with no accident
shadowy water, was there as though It out taking his eyes off the pond or
Inst year saved thereby, on an average,
flirted In the summer wind; the whirl moving the pole—‘de objlck of my flail
forty six dollars and eighty cental
pool at tlie foot of the fall seemed to in’ fur lish whar dere hain’t any Is
leap and rise aud fall again, w ith groan let de ole woman see dat 1 hain’t got
Conditions In Porto lllco have greatly
lug ami a madness of fear. The wind time to (tick up de boe and work in
IULÌ
a nor r
ruo.ro- of the waters appeared to come from truck patch!' ’’—Washington Post.
Improved »luce the American uccupa
O II A I'll--.
tluti of the island. An elllclimt tele
this dead thing. A hush of admiraliim
Often the Case.
graphic system I ih been established,
luxury of her society. If he aloue was fell upon everybody. It seemed almost
Askington Frieklesniith Is a very
and mails are In process of construction
a
miracle.
to endure tlie pain In sweetu •» and
Versatile chap, isn’t he?
which will make all parts of the Island
Fellows picked It up reverently.
run the risk of ultimate despair and
Teller—Oh. yes! He makes n differ
easily accessible. The Judiciary ha*
"It's lhe best picture of the Falls ever
bitterness he might coutinue to Indulge
ent kind of fool of himself almost every
been reformed; schools have been rem
himself In her society. But lie could taken, my boy.” he said.
gaiilzed xml Improved; an efficient po
Alport looked at It incredulously. "It day In the week. Puck.
Hot Involve her lu this Sllfferlug. The
I can't to that I took that," he
lice force Ims put down brigandage
said
only thing for him to do was to break
A Goo 1 Thin ; io Cert tin Case«.
once the curse of the Island mid ren
"There's some mistake."
off their romance. It must be mi iule:
Mrs. llenpeque ireadlngi- It says
deled life mid property generally se
TOOK AH 1I HNKH.
"You pushed the button, some one
rupted mid forever iintinlslied tale. And
here that this new elixir of life will
cure.
Improved sanllallon has Imd
because of this resolution lie 6u>pe,l at quoted. "Nature did tlie rest uu ibis make a man live for 200 years.
Mhlered
lhe
swellest
dresser
of
any
of
marked effects In promoting public
Ills desk, forgot to sleep, mid hud no occasion.”
Mr. llenpeque -If I was a bachelor
health, and under the m-w order of the girl* of the Cherokee tribe, mid timi
The excellence of toe photograph
Interest lu hl* dinner.
buy a bottle! Puck.
thing*. It I* sate to assume Unit, a* Is say lug a great deal. Some of her
was
borue
witness
to
presently
by
the
"It's your turn for a raeatlon, Al
time passes, the Island will eujoy a clothe* arc made In l’aria. Rhe has a
photographer,
who
came
down
to
lu
port," Ills employer »aid. "You've been
pro*|ierlty hitherto unknown In It» hl» tine collection of diamond* and Jewelry
quire if he couldn't buy tlie plate, l-'el
Ml»» Turner ha* none of lhe feature* looking under the weather. Go off to
lory.
lows wluked Alport to refuse, though
of an Indian, mid one would not be some place you've uever seen or heard
w lieu the price offered Is-giiu to UM-end
To American» the Lord Chief Justice lieve »he was part Cherokee mile»* told of and get a change of air ami Idea*.
It was bard to resist the teuiplatlou.”
of England I» usually but a name. The of tlie fact. She Is proud of her atl Everybody needs shaking up one,. In
"You semi that on to the railroad
eestora. but It I« likely she will marry a awhile. I've a friend who'll tlx you out
late Barou Russell of Klllow-eU. how
compnuy nml see If they won’t use it
ever, was almost a* well known mid white num. ns moat of till» cliiaa of for transportation If you like, Come,
•hut up your book mid make a holiday (or au advertisement." said Fellows
gir'« do.
quite a* slucerely respected lu the Fill
of It. and go home and pack, Get out "But don’t gin- up the copyright you
ted Slate» a* iu Great Britain lie had
Pahl XX ell lor the XX oi k.
of here to morrow luornlug.
Fellow s must gel It copy r glittd. you know TIHs
Vlilted till* country twice, the list Him
will come om gloriously In a trauspar
Not long sime a large nmiiufm turei Is back, mid lie'll do your work.”
to deliver a n.**i thoughtful ami »tig
telegraphed to n London safe maket
Chauncey Alport was »itrjirlscd nt euev.”
gestivo addle** cw Intel national law
AI|M>rt caught the enthusiasm from
Even before hl* elevation to the hlgliesl requesting that an expert locksmith himself, lie dropped the burden of the
his frieud mid began, like the aeuxibh
Judicial office In Great Itrltalu. he Imd la- sent at once to his place of business, work as If It had been a peddler's pack
a town alsiut fifty miles from the city, strapped upou him. He put from him fellow he really waa w hen lie was no:
won unheisal recognition by the urn*
telly skill with which lie had exposed t’pon reaching his destination the ex wltli bitter distaste the recollection of badgered by fate, to push hl* advant-
He did till* so well that at the
the I'lggolt forgeries III the laiudon pert. with Ills kit of tools, repaired to lil« poverty and the dull drudgery of the age
Times, und vindicated Parnell, the Hie establishment and vvh « Informed office. It seemed as If lightheartedness end of three moutha lie was the (tosses
||e »or of iliuxsi made from his lucky ami
Irish home rule lender. He represented that the vault, an old fashioned affair, was coming back to him again.
which locked with a key and which thaukisl Ills employer almost tearfully, exquisite picture.
Great Britain In the Bering Sea arbitra
He had always maintained that with
tlon. was a member of Hie X eiiexuela contained the safe and books of the mid got his desk ill order ready lor
leaving. Just then Fellow*, hl» asso eapitn! lie could lils-rate himself from
tribunal, and mi the death of laird omi'irn, could not be opened.
The man examined the lock and then ciate, but freshly returned from hi» va the drudgery of ottiee work, and In
llerschell was chosen Io succeed him
the key. opened Ills kit. took out a lilt cation. eatue In.
proved tills to to true. There were
• s President of the Joint High Commis
"1 hear you’re getting out of here,” opportunities iqa-tilng in his ambitious
■ Ion
These duties kt pt him In close of wire and togati to dig a mass of
he «aid cordially.
village of which lie availed himself
touch with American statesmen and crumbs, dust and lint out of the kev
More Forcible.
“Y«* ” re*(ionded Aljiort “The truih He got In on the "ground floor” of an
lawyers, whose confldetice lie won and Then he Inserted It In the lock and
"I’ve notlcexl.” remarked the < icrgy-
a
sickly Is I'm so near done for that there's no Industrial onterprlse. aud In a year lie
kept by III* courtesy, fair lulndedliess when Hie proprietor with
man. polutedly, "that the man who
1 do everything had a home—a modeat Imitation of a
• ml profound legal knowledge Ills «mile looked up. turned the Implement use In my staying.
goes to sleep tn eliurch Is generally very
and
opened
the
door.
wrung
mid
am
In
everybody'»
way
If
eertaln
luxurious
Ellxntothan
mansion
«balli was a loss to International mini
w Ide awake at the baseball game."
"Wlmt's your charge?" a < lus I the my vacation doesn't set me up I don't of which he knew mid In the window
By. amt to the whole body of English
"Yea." returned the hardened sinner,
know
what
will
become
of
me."
man
ufacturer.
of
his
library
swung
a
large
and
beau
•peaking people.
"O. a vacation acta like a miracle tiful trau»|»areucy In w hich the water* “the delivery Is different, you know.”—
’•Five guinea«," replied the expert
riiiladelpbia Record.
"Doe* anyone know
you are In when a man gets tagged that way. i;ol of Niagara »♦«•med to forever leap and
Society people are Interested In the
some gmsl novels? Fll get some out of »bout. Violet Alport, the careful young
town ?"
■nnoum-eiurat that the American So
Not a Complete Job.
my ease I picked out a rm»- lot la-fore liou«ekee]>vr. always dusted this with
“No."
clely of I'rofcs.ora of Dancing In eon
Wife (sternly) Well, sir! What's the
I
atarted
And.
say,
take
my
camera
her
own
hands.
"Well. then, here are .lx guineas."
veutloil as-embled has ottb iaily and
with you."
"It 1» fragile," she .ah! to her maid. matter with you?
formally pill the hail of Its displeasure remarked the nuinufaeturer "I'll give
Husband Why. tn’dear. to abee xhe
"«>. I don't know how to nae P. Thank “Iwt me dust It, and then ft I break It
you
a
guinea
extra
If
you'll
take
the
on rag lime music and hop w altz Here
you. Just tie »line, old man. but It I will have tio one to find fault with gash turm-d up an' you waitin' up r
first
train
back
to
London
without
tell
after, If the professors of the terp*l
me Jush took my brvaxh »way.
wouldn't lx- any good In my hand* '
hut myself."
chorean art are otoyed, dancers will Ing anyone the price I've |isld to have
Wife lieilyl— Too bad It didn't take
"Ye«_ It would, It's no end of fun
But her real reason was that of ber
a
Ilian
dig
dust
out
of
a
key
for
llie.'*-
glldi* over the |«dIsInxl floor of the bull
squinting around at views ■tnd pre- lure« and penati« this was the must away your stagger, too. Philadelphia
lamdon
Telegraph.
room to the slower and swinging tueaa
lending you understand 'conqiosltion.' «aired, and she preferred that only Press.
lire« of more dlgnlfled music, and the
XX tirre Isinglass Comes From.
• nd «napping at thing«, I'll run a him those bound to the house by love should
jerky two «iep U to to transformed
At the Seaside.
The Iwit Isinglass comes from Itus lu
Y'ou'ie got to take It, that's all! take It lu their bands. Chicago Trlb
Into a dam-e of graceful and easy
Heroic Giri-What has become of
» a. where It Is obtained from the giant You don't kuow what’s gissi for you. line.
moi'i-ment Mo far as the poetry of un>
that handsome man who cheered so
sturgeon which Inhabits the Caspian It'll amuse you. you'll «<
tlon is concerned, then- can Is- no
loudly when I rescued the little boy
sea and the rivers which run Into It
So Al(xirt had uo choc
I'iieering Possitdliiy.
doubt that the banishment of rug time
from drow u!ug?
This fish often grows to the length of the
<am-*ra to bi« (uirapliernalla.
Tlie spirit of emulation sometimes
■ lid the hop. skip »nd Jump style of
Friend -He Is over there on the ver
twenty tire feet, and from Its air hlad though be felt uol the l«a«t luierot t.rtugs strange fact» to light. Two
dem-lug will to an
in improvement
improvement. It
anda. proposing to
the girl
der the Isinglass Is prepare«I
It Is In IL
w bo
«mall toys at a slimmer rv?mrt vivre
has always tieen d1 I cult to admire au
fa.nted. New
subjected to many prot-vaaes tiefore to
II • Journey wa* to Central
New boasting of the respective merits of •creamed aud
York
• ggrvgaVkm of i animateli rnbtor balls
Weekly.
Ing ready for sale, but the Hussians York win- e some killfolk of hl* lived their native cities,
bouticlug over t lhe fl<sir to ttie luspir-
knowing It has the reputation of being ou a flue old farm. ID* went his way
•
There
are
a
great
many
more
|>e<>p|e
tug «trains of " Ah, There. My laxly,”
His Personal Right«.
the best, take great (tains In Its prep patiently, find'tig nothing of Interest in New York than there are lu Boston.'
“Now that you are wealthy. Mr. C<>m
ami similar up to
t da I« rnu«h’al roin|N>
exi-ept
li'«
own
brooding
thought«,
lie
srntlou. ami In the world's markets it
said one of them ttnally. with au air monstitek." said the man who dealt iu
•'lion*
At the hi me tliur It Is more
ha* (tract . ally no rival
A great d<*al read the novel» hla frieud lent him, but of cloolng a useless dto-ussion.
pevllgrees and the like, “you really
»ven
the
than
doubtful
w briber
is made along the Amaxon In Brasil he could not recall, a few hour »Her
"That's true, maybe." »aid the little should adopt a coat of arms "
weighty InJInrare of fhr American
but It Is very coarse and Inferior, and he had completed oue. whether he I .i New Englander, cautiously; "but a
“I'll do as I durn plraae." retortcl
dam Ing master« will to «uflleient
is used for the refining of liquor« and r«-ad It or uot. Ilia tortured mind
great many Bo«rou people have gone t. Mr t'omm.mst. k. hotly. -|f (
drive rag time music entirely out ot
similar piir)*wes
The adulteration o' fu-M .I to accept auy Idea. exee|«t \ .o
hospitals aud aluisbouwa i ■ nd nn«i go around in my shirt »leer«-« that ain t
M.»«t people like a lively
the Hehl,
gisvd Isinglass with the Inferior kinds The camera was strapped all tout ti
State prinon! I e»|>ect if they W*rv «li
none <»' your buslnrs» ' Philadelphia
tune, ami the A nier lean people as a
can always I* detected by placing • nd a« In duty tound he t(H>k suap counted, you'd have to stop talking
Record.
w hole are ton nervous and men-nrlal In
samples In toiling water
The best shots at everything he saw which i had st*.tit New York!"
ieiniH-ranirsit ever tn go !••■ k to the Isinglass will <||«s.dve comidetely leav
lU It the least element of the plctur
•low ami iHgntfli-il meu«urea to wlil h
Wheu a woman admit* that •be baa
Ing no visible rew luitin. wldle the In e*i|ite lie took views ol if old men with
Jackson Why don t you get sonie of
•nr gramlfatIters walked through the
fertor variety will show threads of a tin brellas. and pert girts with parasols, ts-A-u married as long as twenty year», jour fnends to help Jou out»
■ giire« of tlie stately minuet.
«he
Ui-arb
always
viaItus
she
wa>
mar
he got p'cturv-« of sheep and cattle ami
fibrous tisane dark In i-olor.
Jntnpu(»(ie- B«* au«e I am so poor I
trees ami churx-lies and lakes and bills rlisl ai sixteen.
eau t affonl t.. „, n,t fMterà Th»*
Th.- | h * o
Sterra O'Meara, the brilliant editor
A line of qgcurslon toa la la now ply
Ami. ae dviitally, be too« a snap at
It • a ni.gbtj poor petsuu who van l pie Wbo cuefer U»»u. expext tuv much
ft the Boston Journal. tobe«»» that
i < va the I mad m a Y e*, va the Itoad
Nagsra 1 a..a It s.viued a silly Im
pay Lkauka.
la ratura. LUa.
CJ.^'
ra
4
I
shilling?"
"No.” she said, with tears of tender
compassion In her eye». "I bad not. Be
lieve me. my frieud, I am so------ ”
"Well, he hasn’t—and I've got anoth
er girl."
And In the pale moonlight be was
seen to levr horribly.—Chicago Tribune.
She Was.
Clara—What a pretty bonnet you
have on!
Irene—Yes. but I'm over my ears I d
debt for It.—Chicago Tribune.
Not Flnoouh to Hu«t,
First Boarder I wonder what makes
this strawberry shortcake so heavy?
Second Boarder Don't know, but It
Isn’t the weight of the strawls-rries ou
tup, anyhow. New York Weekly.
She Expected Too Much.
"Look here, bir!" exclaimed the maid
en lady. "1 want you to take back that
parrot you sold me. 1 And that it swear»
very badly.”
"Well, madam.” replied the dealer.
"It's a very young bird; it'll learu to
swear more perfect vv lieu it » a bit old-
”—Philadelphia Press.
"DOO WATCH" ,N
A
w.
Clewer Coll,,
house K»eper, ?c’«s.|
Probably the uniy
la the world so far
*•»'
cerned 1. kept on
bouse, off Biddefupj p ■I,'M
is the num.. . . .
‘ ;• X,
watcher wnu
craft
His
Orcutt, keepvr ot Ihe .T‘
Having passed must □ h
of life on rocky WtgQ
be waves beat eea.^^
Ite .bore, and the pass,n/*'
aud down the coast l, th. "
to break the monotony *?
naturally takes a gr^t n,, **
tical-matters.
Early In life. whpa
oU puppy, he was bro„l‘!|
and from YKoodbuX
farm In Westbrook
sailor then, for hll faiui,H"»
era. being Scotch .
1
•log..
But Sailor wa,
teaming the wav* uf p
91 r
a deep Interest in w ha'tet„ . 1
did. aud followed hlIU lr,JU
station wherever he w>ll.
among other thing« tlu,
often pulled a rope that
ring. TbcbHlwL.
used to warn Vessel, to,.*'
salute them iu fair
outside the llghtbon,» , ,S|,
above a wooden platform J.’
attached to Its tongu,
near the platform tbal ¡¡J’’
easily reach It.
Oue day Sailor thought «,
Oct West.
Broncho Tete Say, Bill, whnt'd y'
think o' that young doctor what's jlst
eoiue here fr'ui d' East? Think tliar's
any stuff In 'Im?
Brawny Bill Sure. Ain't he a doc-
tor? Aw, he's killed his man all right.
— Philadelphia Bulletin.
Human Nature.
"There are very few people who don't
get interestisl in a good scrap.”
"That's right.
1 think there are a
number of advocates of universal peace
w ho would be somewhat disappointed
at an abrupt termination of the Boer
war.”—Harper's Bazaar.
Exclusive Informat'on.
"Say, pa, what's a bachelor?”
"A bachelor, my son, is a ml;
lucky fellow, but don't tell your
that I told you!”—Der Floh.
kiiid
M iihic .
He (after the fiftieth piece»— I could
just die playing the banjo.
She (ambiguously)—1 could just die
listening to you.
Her Fiance.
Mag—Now dat she’s got so rich I
*'(>ose she’s shook Billy Casey dat used
ter be her steady comp'uy.
Kit Not much.
She lets him take
care of her roll now.
Mag—Git out!
Kit—Dat's right.
1 sez to 'r:
“Is
Billy yer steady comp’ny yet?" and she
drn wed 'erself up, mi' sex; "Mr. Casey
Is my flnaucier."
Love's Labor Lost.
Softleigh I uvv -have vveally put in
the enfiali day at aw—bawd labor,
doucher know.
Miss Cutting—Is It possible!
Softleigh Yaws; not — aw — manual
labor, but bvvalu work, doucher know,
which Is the- aw hawdest of all.
Miss Cutting—Yes, it must be for
you.- Chicago News.
A Sliininu Murk.
Borrows Easy, is lie?
Graphter Well, 1 should say. I wrote
to him ouce and asked him to leud me
S2. It seems 1 spelt "two” t double o,
aud forgot to cross the t. He »cut me
fi’Al.- Philadelphia Pres*.
Promise* of XVInter.
The meatiest man yet revealed him
self at ou«- of the railroad stations the
other eveulug. He was about to start
ou a three weeks' vacation at the sea
shore, all by himself, and bis worn-look
ing little wife and two cliildreu were
dow 11 at the station to see him off.
"Never miml,” said he to his worn-
looklug little wife, as he started
through the gate, -Just you wait until
the cold weather gets here, and If
things come my way I'll let you get
that Jacket of yours trimmed with aa-
trak11an!"— \Yasliington I’ost.
**feAllX)R’’ BAIATI« A vn
seized the rope In his inuutb~aM
cd.
The bell rang clear igi
Sailor was delimited. He (|_i
busby tall vigorously ami pu!i«<
Sailor after a time notl.-ed ta
ringing of the bell marked Ti
of a vessel or steamer. Hiii
this fact resulted In hi« tryiij
periinent. When he saw tian
sei coming he anticipated kin
hi ringing the bell.
As the years have paneiM
kept on ringing salutes to ptsiM
seis' and steamers. Indeed, tel
hurt If not permitted to gi t,
tomary salute to passing cgi
skipper* whose course taisxai
en past Wood Island are n-tna|
see Sailor tugging vigoronijt
great bell tongue.
They reply with a will a
ship’s bell or horn, and It a
steamers a hearty triple blasts
back to the canine watcher oil
Island, who gives a Dew meat
the good old sea term nJ "doji
Sailor may be said to ban
the prime of life, but be la stH
height of his vigor and Is in Si
ditlon. He weighs sixty
color 1« black, marked » th til
he Ims a white spot on In I
Sailor ba* had his picture takes
act of ringing the bell, Jwf
Smith. Jr., of Andover, Jlaa.1
"snapped" him. The plctwit
cently published in a Loudot
zine.
A Tame Wildest.
From the Kansas City •I'lOtMl
a pleasing account ot » tame •
the property of a Chicago
The cat. which 1» as Urge at
sized bulldog, and. iceordWI
proud owner, could wlr.piti'''*
of those Irou-Jawed beasts :»
minutes, is its docile and ¡nd
kitteu.
Trapper .lame’ Wilson.’k
cabin Is situated in the • •I’1
Minnesota w.... 1» -
geon Lake, captured the w."'«
it was so small that its rji’
ly open.
He trained it bxj
mouths, feeding It »it* r""
milk and bread, and t.Hbt. iri
Chicago horn«-, it play«
■*
In atutislng g ‘titli n' -«. ■' ’’1
In the w indow g iz nr •'t1
eyes out upon tlie street, witk®
tmle of horses and wag'»«■ *
In Its brisker . ...... 1« "n a ».J*
leaping» about the o®c*.
A Jump of a «ev-n t'Ot J* ’
not quite the limit of i - eod<*U
a spring of ten or eleven M
to(i «f «
11 *WCk '
which it lands «
to topple over. Is on» Of
feats.
Qualified I or the ”'«*•
"So yon r . i. -
IHfiic.iltle* of l.atitn le.
"Social conditions ! n these 1 Hitch re-
publics were not all that could be de-
sired. I fancy."
"No, iudeed.
•Tust Imagine .Tun?
brides occurring iu winter!”—Detroit
Journal.
T1>c««aly'» Postage Stamp».
There lii« toeu a great run ou th*
new postage stamp fur Thessaly, which
the Turkish government has caused to
be circulated. These stamjis are of the
value of 5. 2 and 1 piastre* and of 20
and IO paras, and so eager were col
lector« to pis.es» tne new stumps that
on the third day following their Intro
duction those valued at 5 and 2 piastre«
were all Isiught up. and changed hands
at is shillings. Tlie stanipa of smaller
value brought 4 shilling*. The traders
In th.se stamp« were Turkish officers
and civil servants, who. now that the
eva.-imtiou of Thessaly la taking detin-
Ite aba(H*. evidently thought tlie first
and only l««ue of stamps by the Turk
i«h government was an opportunity fot
making money not to be throw u away.
Pittsburg Dispatch
S uit of It.
"D«v yon really think that yon love tuy
daugfitor a« a hn«l>an ! «liotiid '"
"lane ber? Why. I w..uld give UP
my blcyele for her."
iNo card».;
New York Herald.
’
w»»a<b<*r man.
"G< m »I! Why
> - -11''
y°M
«ay!
»
temper««! mnu that ever '
"But what ba' t^11 f"•
It?"
“Got to do with It. <«rt
why. he can ’•I«1“1 "
f
'kicks' and answer more
without forgetting to *
other man In the wuuie
JudgXng '•« .»f-r
“You thiuk wt ■ ’
the publication
111
asked the bead of tb<
"Well. I think it »
aucces».'' cautioas'.r
-Why?"
-Because It I’
deals with subj- t
to kuow very !■ :
Gambetta'«
Gamtotta wa
that certain boo
and others unlw
commem-e an?
or start on an :
out consulting
cards as to the a
XVhen a girl 0°“
young man. »i>*
covk.
____
Yuu caû
accounting for b*r 61 ,
bj aajias tli4t •fc* ‘
I