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About Cottage Grove sentinel. (Cottage Grove, Or.) 1909-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 23, 2019)
COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL • JANUARY 23, 2019 • Betty Kaiser’s Chatterbox: Laughter cures winter blues for senior citizens Betty Kaiser One of the reasons that my husband and I moved to Oregon was to experience “the seasons.” You know, spring, summer, fall and winter. Th e latter, however, is my least favorite season. It’s cold, wet and dark — and as I sit down at my computer to write this column, it’s anoth- er dreary winter day. True- blue, born and bred Orego- nians revel in this weather. You can tell by my grumpy attitude, I’m an import wait- ing for spring. Fortunately, my fami- ly, friends and readers have been cheering me up with lots of crazy computer car- toons, jokes and words of wisdom. Most are for senior citizens. And since my birth- day this month, they have been working overtime to send me words of cheer that begin with “You know you’re a senior citizen when…” Some of them are only too happy to add, “Of course, you’re older that I am!” So, just exactly what age is considered a senior citizen? Well, various sources say the age of a senior citizen begins at 60- 65. Th e Social Security Administration says that 67 is the age of retirement. I was about 60 when Taco Bell asked me if I was a se- nior. So, I guess anyone with gray hair is fair game to be elderly. Last month, my daugh- ter Kathy started a fl urry of senior jokes and advice with a “Welcome to the Gold- en Years” dialog. Someone passed it on to her, to pass on to me. It sounds like a mom and dad conversation because I am prone to lose keys. Visualize Chuck and me and prepare to laugh. “Th e keys weren’t in my pocket. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. “As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right; the parking lot was empty. "It was gone. "I immediately called the police. I gave them my loca- tion, confessed that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen. Th en I made the most diffi cult call of all to my husband, telling him ‘I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.’ “Th ere was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected but then I heard his voice. ‘Are you kidding me?’ he barked. ‘I dropped you off at the mall!’ “Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, ‘Well, come and get me.’ He retorted, ‘I will. Just as soon as I convince the police that I didn’t steal your dang car!’” Th e following senior citizen quotes are mostly one-liners with attitude. My friends and I don’t like to waste words explaining our- selves. We tend to be bluntly truthful and we don’t take ourselves too seriously. Aft er you read the fol- lowing quips ask yourself if, maybe, you too are a senior citizen: • Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walked over to me and asked, “What brings you in today?” I looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buy- ing a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond. • When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it's for company!” • It’s okay if you disagree with me; I can’t force you to be right. • On aging: Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. • Hospital and medical forms always ask who is to be called in case of an emer- gency. I think you should write, “An ambulance.” • Th e older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. • Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable. • Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me. I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved. • Reporters interviewed a 104-year old woman. “What do you think is the best thing about being 104?” they asked. “No peer pressure,” she answered. • Ann Landers said: “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” Th at’s it for now. Th anks for making me laugh and forgetting it isn’t spring- time. May your troubles be less, your blessings me more and nothing but happiness come through your door. Contact Betty Kaiser’s Chatterbox at 942-1317 or email bchatty@bettykaiser. com EPUD now accepting scholarship applications Emerald People’s Utility District is accepting appli- cants for its $15,000 annual scholarship program. Five $3,000 scholarships are available in 2019 to indi- viduals to attend college or utility industry career train- ing. Students pursuing a career that could be of value in the utility industry are encour- aged to apply. “We draw on skills and expertise from many dif- ferent professions. Students interested in careers in line work, communications, de- sign, accounting, customer service, energy effi ciency, power resources and busi- ness should consider apply- ing for our scholarship,” said Patty Jo Angelini, EPUD public relations coordinator. “A wide range of custom- ers can apply for these funds. Th ese scholarships are for senior high school students looking to start college, re- turning college students and others look-ing for second‐ career education or train- ing,” Angelini added. Scholarship applicants must: • Be EPUD customers or family members attending a college, university or trade school 6 Individuals can apply on- line at www.epud.org or call 541‐746‐1583 to request an application. Th e deadline to submit an application is 11:59 p.m. Monday, April 15. Scholarship winners will be announced in mid‐May. Emerald PUD has off ered annual scholarship oppor- tunities to its customer‐ owners since 1990. Th is is the 11th year Emerald PUD has off ered the scholarship to adults interested in pur- suing second‐career train- ing as well as high school seniors. Transmissions Plus & -day weather forecast THURSDAY FRIDAY 54° | 36° 54° | 35° Partly Cloudy Partly Cloudy SATURDAY SUNDAY 55° | 37° 55° | 36° Partly Cloudy Partly Cloudy MONDAY TUESDAY 53° | 34° 53° | 33° Sunny • Have graduated high school or received their GED from an accredited ed- ucational institution • Provide a school tran- script showing an accumu- lated GPA of at least 2.0 if they are high school gradu- ates or college students • Be planning to pursue a career that could be of value in the utility industry. “Our utility originated from the communities we serve, so it is important that we give back. Providing op- portunities for our custom- ers and families to continue their education is one way we do this,” said Angelini. Partly Cloudy AUTOMOTIVE SPECIALTIES PRACTICING THE ART OF TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE SINCE 1991 Manual & Automatic Transmission Repair Tune ups 30-60-90K Services Brakes, belts, hoses and cooling system services Muffl ers & Custom Exhaust All makes and models. MAINTAINING YOUR VEHICLE AFFORDABLY WE LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN WE WORK IN “WE MAKE SHIFT HAPPEN!” www.automotivespecialties.biz 1 in 4 employees are ill prepared for emergency. DUSTIN TULLAR & RUSS OWENS 541-942-8022 • COTTAGE GROVE PayneWest can develop your business’ emergency plan. Call today (541) 942-0555. PayneWest.com/Cottage-Grove Visit The Sentinel online: www.CGSentinel.com 5A Pet tips ‘n’ tales By Mary Ellen “Angel Scribe” CNAs — Cat Nursing Aids Whomever initially adopted and named Kiwi, the black and white brother and his calico sister, Mango, must have had a nutty... errr fruity sense of humor. When the siblings were six months old, they were given to a rescue center where one of 250 nursing home employees hired them on the spot. Th e kittens were housed in the facility’s recreational room along with their food, litter, two scratching posts and enough toys to spoil them into accepting the paws-ition of house-mous- ers. Occasionally, fi eld mice make their way into the care home to test if the kitchen has a rodent inspector. It does, but the sneaky grey intruders still sneak in. Kiwi and Mango purr-ole the purr-e-mices(premises) “ratting” out unwanted mice. Th e facility is the home for 230 physically and cognitively impaired residents. Locked doors separate each area for resi- dents' safety. During the cats mouse-hunt quest, they patiently wait by the doors or elevator, taking a brief bath until some- Mango and Kiwi have an un-purr-esidented 480 parents who love and care for them. one walking by activates the locks. Th e furry workers saunter through an open door or ride up/down elevators with their tales confi dently held high. Kiwi is an escape artist. Residents were “trained” by their own cats to open doors for a cat, innocently opening outside doors — and therefore, aiding Kiwi’s quick exit. Recently, the nursing home received a phone call from a de- livery driver. “I think I have your cat,” he announced. Aft er the man had completed his delivery to the care home and closed the truck’s doors, he drove onto three other busi- nesses. Th ree hours later, up popped Kiwi well-rested from his mobile cat nap. It was a miracle he had not jumped out the open doors at the other locations. Luckily, the driver recognized him and delivered the hitch-hiker back to his 500 waiting parents. Also, there is a children’s daycare a block from the care home. A teacher approached one of Kiwi's staff and said, “Every day, Jack drops in and visits our children, has snacks, then naps.” Apparently, Kiwi-Jack is a master snack detector who feels he must share his love with all humans, not caring what name they give him. Th en there was the time he visited a house and asked inside. Th e home owners thought he was lost, so they took him to the humane shelter! Kiwi’s tattoo ear ID alerted the shelter to his owners. He was once again “adopted/rescued” for a second time by the care home! “Many of our residents off er the kitties snacks, and the cats have favorite beds they sleep on,” said a staff manager. “Visitors bring dogs but they forget that our residents love cats too. Hav- ing felines on the premises gives our facility a sense of home and heartwarming entertainment. I oft en see a cat being wheeled by, sitting or sleeping, on utility carts or someone's lap.” Recently, a third scratching post materialized in the hall- way that the cat’s perch on like pirates in a ship-mast’s lookout snooper-vizing the area. Th e post is tall enough to keep the cats safe from wheelchair wheels but short enough for everyone walking by to pat their heads or scratch under their chins. As for Kiwi, his days of wandering are over aft er he was nar- rowly missed by traffi c. An “emergency meeting” was held and staff declared that he is “in the dog house,” confi ning him to his work area. Looks like the child center will now have to adopt a cat of their own! TIPS: • Scientists proved that purring cats lower blood pressure. Besides being excellent mousers, the residents reported, “We like cats and love seeing them walking around,” “Th ey are pretty like fur-art-work in motion,” “Th ey make the home feel like our home again,” “Th ey brighten my day and I like petting them,” “Kiwi and Mango nap on dining room chairs, but they are never on a table,” and “Th ey are purr-fessional mousers, and respected in the facility and you must admit they are pretty darn cute!” Share your fun, amazing or crazing pet tips and tales at an- gelscribe@msn.com or Follow Pet Tips ‘n’ Tales on Facebook at www.facebook.com/PetTipsandTales. Adopt loving pets online at www.PetFinder.com. For spay or neutering, call the Humane So- ciety at 541-942-2789.