COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL • JANUARY 23, 2019 •
Betty Kaiser’s Chatterbox:
Laughter cures winter blues for senior citizens
Betty Kaiser
One of the reasons that
my husband and I moved to
Oregon was to experience
“the seasons.” You know,
spring, summer, fall and
winter.
Th e latter, however, is
my least favorite season. It’s
cold, wet and dark — and as
I sit down at my computer to
write this column, it’s anoth-
er dreary winter day. True-
blue, born and bred Orego-
nians revel in this weather.
You can tell by my grumpy
attitude, I’m an import wait-
ing for spring.
Fortunately, my fami-
ly, friends and readers have
been cheering me up with
lots of crazy computer car-
toons, jokes and words of
wisdom. Most are for senior
citizens. And since my birth-
day this month, they have
been working overtime to
send me words of cheer that
begin with “You know you’re
a senior citizen when…”
Some of them are only
too happy to add, “Of course,
you’re older that I am!”
So, just exactly what age is
considered a senior citizen?
Well, various sources say the
age of a senior citizen begins
at 60- 65. Th e Social Security
Administration says that 67
is the age of retirement.
I was about 60 when Taco
Bell asked me if I was a se-
nior. So, I guess anyone with
gray hair is fair game to be
elderly.
Last month, my daugh-
ter Kathy started a fl urry of
senior jokes and advice with
a “Welcome to the Gold-
en Years” dialog. Someone
passed it on to her, to pass
on to me. It sounds like a
mom and dad conversation
because I am prone to lose
keys.
Visualize Chuck and me
and prepare to laugh.
“Th e keys weren’t in my
pocket. Suddenly I realized
I must have left them in the
car. Frantically, I headed for
the parking lot. My husband
has scolded me many times
for leaving my keys in the
car’s ignition. He’s afraid that
the car could be stolen.
“As I looked around the
parking lot, I realized he was
right; the parking lot was
empty.
"It was gone.
"I immediately called the
police. I gave them my loca-
tion, confessed that I had left
my keys in the car and that
it had been stolen. Th en I
made the most diffi cult call
of all to my husband, telling
him ‘I left my keys in the car
and it’s been stolen.’
“Th ere was a moment of
silence. I thought the call
had been disconnected but
then I heard his voice. ‘Are
you kidding me?’ he barked.
‘I dropped you off at the
mall!’
“Now it was my turn to be
silent. Embarrassed, I said,
‘Well, come and get me.’ He
retorted, ‘I will. Just as soon
as I convince the police that
I didn’t steal your dang car!’”
Th e following senior
citizen quotes are mostly
one-liners with attitude. My
friends and I don’t like to
waste words explaining our-
selves. We tend to be bluntly
truthful and we don’t take
ourselves too seriously.
Aft er you read the fol-
lowing quips ask yourself if,
maybe, you too are a senior
citizen:
• Today I was in a store
that sells sunglasses, and
only sunglasses. A young
lady walked over to me and
asked, “What brings you in
today?” I looked at her and
said, “I’m interested in buy-
ing a refrigerator.” She didn’t
quite know how to respond.
• When people see a cat’s
litter box they always say,
“Oh, have you got a cat?” Just
once I want to say, “No, it's
for company!”
• It’s okay if you disagree
with me; I can’t force you to
be right.
• On aging: Eventually,
you will reach a point when
you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about
it.
• Hospital and medical
forms always ask who is to
be called in case of an emer-
gency. I think you should
write, “An ambulance.”
• Th e older you get, the
tougher it is to lose weight
because by then your body
and your fat have gotten to
be really good friends.
• Being young is beautiful
but being old is comfortable.
• Some people try to turn
back their “odometers.” Not
me. I want people to know
WHY I look this way. I’ve
traveled a long way and a lot
of the roads were not paved.
• Reporters interviewed a
104-year old woman. “What
do you think is the best
thing about being 104?” they
asked. “No peer pressure,”
she answered.
• Ann Landers said: “At
age 20, we worry about what
others think of us. At age 40,
we don’t care what they think
of us. At age 60, we discover
they haven’t been thinking of
us at all.”
Th at’s it for now. Th anks
for making me laugh and
forgetting it isn’t spring-
time. May your troubles be
less, your blessings me more
and nothing but happiness
come through your door.
Contact Betty Kaiser’s
Chatterbox at 942-1317 or
email bchatty@bettykaiser.
com
EPUD now accepting scholarship applications
Emerald People’s Utility
District is accepting appli-
cants for its $15,000 annual
scholarship program.
Five $3,000 scholarships
are available in 2019 to indi-
viduals to attend college or
utility industry career train-
ing.
Students pursuing a career
that could be of value in the
utility industry are encour-
aged to apply.
“We draw on skills and
expertise from many dif-
ferent professions. Students
interested in careers in line
work, communications, de-
sign, accounting, customer
service, energy effi ciency,
power resources and busi-
ness should consider apply-
ing for our scholarship,” said
Patty Jo Angelini, EPUD
public relations coordinator.
“A wide range of custom-
ers can apply for these funds.
Th ese scholarships are for
senior high school students
looking to start college, re-
turning college students and
others look-ing for second‐
career education or train-
ing,” Angelini added.
Scholarship
applicants
must:
• Be EPUD customers or
family members attending a
college, university or trade
school
6
Individuals can apply on-
line at www.epud.org or call
541‐746‐1583 to request an
application.
Th e deadline to submit
an application is 11:59 p.m.
Monday, April 15.
Scholarship winners will
be announced in mid‐May.
Emerald PUD has off ered
annual scholarship oppor-
tunities to its customer‐
owners since 1990. Th is is
the 11th year Emerald PUD
has off ered the scholarship
to adults interested in pur-
suing second‐career train-
ing as well as high school
seniors.
Transmissions Plus &
-day
weather forecast
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
54° | 36°
54° | 35°
Partly Cloudy
Partly Cloudy
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
55° | 37°
55° | 36°
Partly Cloudy
Partly Cloudy
MONDAY
TUESDAY
53° | 34°
53° | 33°
Sunny
• Have graduated high
school or received their
GED from an accredited ed-
ucational institution
• Provide a school tran-
script showing an accumu-
lated GPA of at least 2.0 if
they are high school gradu-
ates or college students
• Be planning to pursue a
career that could be of value
in the utility industry.
“Our utility originated
from the communities we
serve, so it is important that
we give back. Providing op-
portunities for our custom-
ers and families to continue
their education is one way
we do this,” said Angelini.
Partly Cloudy
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Visit The Sentinel online:
www.CGSentinel.com
5A
Pet tips
‘n’ tales
By Mary Ellen
“Angel Scribe”
CNAs — Cat Nursing Aids
Whomever initially adopted and named Kiwi, the black and
white brother and his calico sister, Mango, must have had a
nutty... errr fruity sense of humor. When the siblings were six
months old, they were given to a rescue center where one of
250 nursing home employees hired them on the spot.
Th e kittens were housed in the facility’s recreational room
along with their food, litter, two scratching posts and enough
toys to spoil them into accepting the paws-ition of house-mous-
ers.
Occasionally, fi eld mice make their way into the care home
to test if the kitchen has a rodent inspector. It does, but the
sneaky grey intruders still sneak in. Kiwi and Mango purr-ole
the purr-e-mices(premises) “ratting” out unwanted mice.
Th e facility is the home for 230 physically and cognitively
impaired residents. Locked doors separate each area for resi-
dents' safety. During the cats mouse-hunt quest, they patiently
wait by the doors or elevator, taking a brief bath until some-
Mango and Kiwi have an un-purr-esidented 480 parents
who love and care for them.
one walking by activates the locks. Th e furry workers saunter
through an open door or ride up/down elevators with their
tales confi dently held high.
Kiwi is an escape artist. Residents were “trained” by their
own cats to open doors for a cat, innocently opening outside
doors — and therefore, aiding Kiwi’s quick exit.
Recently, the nursing home received a phone call from a de-
livery driver.
“I think I have your cat,” he announced.
Aft er the man had completed his delivery to the care home
and closed the truck’s doors, he drove onto three other busi-
nesses. Th ree hours later, up popped Kiwi well-rested from his
mobile cat nap. It was a miracle he had not jumped out the open
doors at the other locations. Luckily, the driver recognized him
and delivered the hitch-hiker back to his 500 waiting parents.
Also, there is a children’s daycare a block from the care home.
A teacher approached one of Kiwi's staff and said, “Every day,
Jack drops in and visits our children, has snacks, then naps.”
Apparently, Kiwi-Jack is a master snack detector who feels
he must share his love with all humans, not caring what name
they give him.
Th en there was the time he visited a house and asked inside.
Th e home owners thought he was lost, so they took him to the
humane shelter! Kiwi’s tattoo ear ID alerted the shelter to his
owners. He was once again “adopted/rescued” for a second
time by the care home!
“Many of our residents off er the kitties snacks, and the cats
have favorite beds they sleep on,” said a staff manager. “Visitors
bring dogs but they forget that our residents love cats too. Hav-
ing felines on the premises gives our facility a sense of home and
heartwarming entertainment. I oft en see a cat being wheeled
by, sitting or sleeping, on utility carts or someone's lap.”
Recently, a third scratching post materialized in the hall-
way that the cat’s perch on like pirates in a ship-mast’s lookout
snooper-vizing the area. Th e post is tall enough to keep the cats
safe from wheelchair wheels but short enough for everyone
walking by to pat their heads or scratch under their chins.
As for Kiwi, his days of wandering are over aft er he was nar-
rowly missed by traffi c. An “emergency meeting” was held and
staff declared that he is “in the dog house,” confi ning him to his
work area.
Looks like the child center will now have to adopt a cat of
their own!
TIPS:
• Scientists proved that purring cats lower blood pressure.
Besides being excellent mousers, the residents reported,
“We like cats and love seeing them walking around,” “Th ey are
pretty like fur-art-work in motion,” “Th ey make the home feel
like our home again,” “Th ey brighten my day and I like petting
them,” “Kiwi and Mango nap on dining room chairs, but they
are never on a table,” and “Th ey are purr-fessional mousers,
and respected in the facility and you must admit they are pretty
darn cute!”
Share your fun, amazing or crazing pet tips and tales at an-
gelscribe@msn.com or Follow Pet Tips ‘n’ Tales on Facebook at
www.facebook.com/PetTipsandTales. Adopt loving pets online at
www.PetFinder.com. For spay or neutering, call the Humane So-
ciety at 541-942-2789.
