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COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL February 24, 2016 7A Tax terminology explained (sort of) BY NED HICKSON News Media Corporation Three crazy chihuahuas! The saying, “First they steal your heart, then your bed,” is true of Nati’s dogs. His fam- ily’s three Chihuahuas used their secret powers of love and humor to take over their home! Nati’s mother, Anna, ex- plains, “Our dogs: Kiko, 14, Chalupa, seven, and Rio, one, match the same three ‘odd’ personality traits of our three children. The eldest dog and child are calm and good listen- ers, the middle dog and child are hyper and rambunctious, and the two babies of the fam- ily are a combination of the fi rst two. Nati and his two sisters learned to be gentle with our small dogs. It is heartwarm- ing seeing how proud they are,” said Anna, “as they have the dogs’ perform tricks for friends.” Our dogs have favor- ites amongst our children’s friends. Chalupa is in love with our daughter, Nicolette’s, boyfriend. When he arrives, Chalupa projects his tiny body three feet into the air to get closer to him. In disappoint- ment he cries for 15 minutes after the boyfriend leaves. Rio’s other ‘odd’ habit is when anyone walks in our front door. He runs towards them, stops half-way, then he about-faces and runs to his toy box. He grabs a toy, because he never greets anyone with- out a toy. His agenda is that he loves to play, so he thinks that anyone arriving has come for ‘his’ play date. If you don’t re- spond to his playful overtones, he places the toy at your feet for you to ‘get the hint’.” Two of their dogs are hilari- ous when playing tug of war. Chalupa grabs one end of the toy rope and Rio the other. Chalupa drags tiny Rio around the slippery fl oor. Rio refuses to let go and all the while he is growling. The little guy is tough! Chalupa usually is the fi rst to tire of the game and let go. At dinner time, the dogs go crazy when they see Anna reach for their bowls. They jump, do fl ips and run around crazily. Then at the family’s dinner time, the three dogs sit and stare at the family like itty-bitty vultures, who have not eaten in a week! Kiko and Chalupa were not allowed to sleep on the chil- dren’s beds, but when Rio ar- rived things shifted! Nati was having nightmares and when Rio was allowed to sleep with the youngster, it was easier for Nati to go to bed. “Besides,” explains Anna, “Rio was so tiny and cute it was hard for all of us all not to want to sleep with him!” “Life is richer when you have a dog,” said Nati. “I am happier and never lonely. Ch- alupa smiles at us and makes funny faces and sounds. She is a thief, who eats everything she sees! One day she stole a lipstick, candy bar, and a tooth- brush — and ate them! I have to keep my bedroom clean so ‘things’ don’t disappear. If she gets into my room, it looks like a tornado hit! She messes everything and burrows under my blankets, where she likes to eat the things she fi nds in dark- ness. Our other dogs would rather eat with the family.” Nati has learned responsibil- ities while caring for his dogs. He lets them out for potty breaks, feeds them and baths them. “You have to commit to do what is right for your pets,” said Nati. “I’ve trained Rio to shake a paw, lie down and retrieve toys. My life would be empty without a dog. Ev- ery day I play outside with them and toss their toys and A Photo by Mary Ellen “Angel Scribe” Nati holds Chalupa and Rio as he shares the “dog gone truth”, “Having dogs means that I am never lonely. I am happier. My life would be empty without a dog.” they never tangle their leashes laundry room and the front when walking because several load washer,” said eldest sis- ter, Nicolette. “One day a dog of us walk them.” When Rio arrived, he was jumped in and burrowed down so small, he fi t into pockets! in the clothes. We did not see He’s traveled to Italy with his her until she jumped out. It family and because he slept in was a miracle that we had not pockets, Nati’s sister, Cassan- closed the door, or turned the dra, said, “He was so quiet, I machine on.” took him to school. When you Video: look into our dogs’ eyes, you Utterly cute! Pekinese pup- can see what they are think- py herds sheep. ing.” https://www.youtube.com/ “Our dogs are on a grain- free diet,” said Anna, “just like watch?v=BEqyXXTFTqI&fea my husband. We swapped ture=share from ‘regular’ dog food when TV dog-star Skidboot Rio’s fur began falling out. His http://silverandgoldandthee. skin and fur are now normal on his new food, so we contin- net/V/Sk.html ued with grain free for all the Cute rabbit herds sheep! dogs. (My husband is doing http://www.guardian.co.uk/ better too.) And my husband says, ‘Chi- science/grrlscientist/2012/ co’s been a ‘Papa’s boy’ since feb/11/1 day one! He is the only one Tell us about your crazy in this house that I can have a conversation with – who lis- pets! angelscribe@msn.com tens.’” TIPS Pay extra attention with small dogs, so you don’t step or sit on them. Nati’s family’s fl oors are tile, hardwood and laminate, so it is easier to hear their dogs approach. They also placed cat collars (with a bell) on their dogs to better hear them. “Our dogs’ room is in the “Follow” Pet Tips ‘n’ Tales on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/ PetTipsandTales Adopt Loving Pets www.PetFinder.com Humane Society for Neu- ter/Spay Assistance Program. (541) 942-2789 fter clearing off the kitchen table and fi nd- ing an outlet for the calculator, I sat down to do my taxes. As always, I made sure to have all the necessary documentation and forms, like W4s, tax forms, bank statements, insurance re- ports, tax schedules and, most importantly, a box of Kleenex. As I sat staring at this year’s tax booklet, I noticed a special section of “Tax Terms,” which is an alphabetical listing of terms one may encounter during the tax preparation process. Each term is followed by a brief de- scription meant to enlighten the truth-seeking taxpayer through “real-life” examples. For in- stance, the IRS uses “Jane” and “John” to illustrate the term “Ability to Pay.” In this scenario, Jane is fi lthy rich, with homes on both coasts that she visits by way of her own Lear jet. By comparison, John earns what the IRS calls a “more mod- est salary,” which affords him a fl ashlight and a camper shell to live in. The only thing these two have in common is the oil industry: Jane is an executive in it, and John had his SUV re-possessed. According to the booklet, due to their income disparity, “John and Jane do NOT pay the same amount of taxes, because their ability to pay differs vastly.” This brings us to a term not included in the handbook: “Highly-paid tax lawyer.” In this example, Jane is able to fi lter her $1.6 million earn- ings through a maze of tax shel- ters and special credits before wiring an undisclosed amount into a Swiss bank account, leav- ing her with a taxable income of: $6.28. John, who fi les his return on the 1040 EZ form, is entitled to a refund that, coincidently, adds up to exactly... $6.28! See? “Jane” PAYS and “John” gets a tax CREDIT! All together, there are 65 terms listed in the handbook, many of which seem self-ex- planatory until you read them closely. With the tax deadline just a few weeks away, I’ve taken the liberty of paraphras- ing some of the more complex terms that you may encounter before now and tax day. 1040EZ: 1.) Simplest tax form offered by the IRS. 2.) A wealthy white rapper. Gross Income: The dollar amount that appears in the box after “federal income tax with- held.” Adjusted Really Gross In- come: The amount left over af- ter completing your taxes. Bank interest income: If you make more than $400 from your savings account, the IRS is in- terested. Tax Shift: What the average taxpayer does in their seat af- ter determining his/her adjusted gross income. Dependent: A child, parent, spouse or household pet with a human-sounding name, such as “Fred” or “Sally,” whom the creative taxpayer can claim on his/her income taxes. Estate Tax: The amount of tax on a deceased individual’s estate that has been passed on to surviving family members. Short explanation: Something my children will never have to worry about. Passive Income: The response most writers get when people ask them about their annual income, i.e., “Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Duty Deposit: What most taxpayers would like to include with their IRS payment. While there are plenty of other terms in the new IRS tax glossary, it’s probably a good idea to stop here. To be honest, I’m already feeling taxed. (Ned is a syndicated colum- nist with News Media Corpora- tion. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available on- line at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhick- son@icloud.com) Here’s My Card! Wendy Sue Benson Agency Owner Anchor Insurance Services Rosendo Lopez Allstate Insurance Company 130 Gateway Blvd. Cottage Grove, OR 97424 1425 Edison Ave. Cottage Grove, OR 97424 541-942-0594 Phone: 541-942-2605 Fax: 541-942-2885 wsuebenson@msn.com Romero’s Flooring Sharon E. Bush 541-942-2106 541-942-5811 fax 541-915-4206 cell Inc. 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