COTTAGE GROVE SENTINEL February 24, 2016
7A
Tax terminology
explained (sort of)
BY NED HICKSON
News Media Corporation
Three crazy
chihuahuas!
The saying, “First they steal
your heart, then your bed,” is
true of Nati’s dogs. His fam-
ily’s three Chihuahuas used
their secret powers of love
and humor to take over their
home!
Nati’s mother, Anna, ex-
plains, “Our dogs: Kiko, 14,
Chalupa, seven, and Rio, one,
match the same three ‘odd’
personality traits of our three
children. The eldest dog and
child are calm and good listen-
ers, the middle dog and child
are hyper and rambunctious,
and the two babies of the fam-
ily are a combination of the
fi rst two.
Nati and his two sisters
learned to be gentle with our
small dogs. It is heartwarm-
ing seeing how proud they
are,” said Anna, “as they have
the dogs’ perform tricks for
friends.”
Our dogs have favor-
ites amongst our children’s
friends. Chalupa is in love
with our daughter, Nicolette’s,
boyfriend. When he arrives,
Chalupa projects his tiny body
three feet into the air to get
closer to him. In disappoint-
ment he cries for 15 minutes
after the boyfriend leaves.
Rio’s other ‘odd’ habit is
when anyone walks in our
front door. He runs towards
them, stops half-way, then he
about-faces and runs to his toy
box. He grabs a toy, because
he never greets anyone with-
out a toy. His agenda is that he
loves to play, so he thinks that
anyone arriving has come for
‘his’ play date. If you don’t re-
spond to his playful overtones,
he places the toy at your feet
for you to ‘get the hint’.”
Two of their dogs are hilari-
ous when playing tug of war.
Chalupa grabs one end of the
toy rope and Rio the other.
Chalupa drags tiny Rio around
the slippery fl oor. Rio refuses
to let go and all the while he
is growling. The little guy is
tough! Chalupa usually is the
fi rst to tire of the game and let
go.
At dinner time, the dogs
go crazy when they see Anna
reach for their bowls. They
jump, do fl ips and run around
crazily. Then at the family’s
dinner time, the three dogs
sit and stare at the family like
itty-bitty vultures, who have
not eaten in a week!
Kiko and Chalupa were not
allowed to sleep on the chil-
dren’s beds, but when Rio ar-
rived things shifted! Nati was
having nightmares and when
Rio was allowed to sleep with
the youngster, it was easier for
Nati to go to bed. “Besides,”
explains Anna, “Rio was so
tiny and cute it was hard for all
of us all not to want to sleep
with him!”
“Life is richer when you
have a dog,” said Nati. “I am
happier and never lonely. Ch-
alupa smiles at us and makes
funny faces and sounds. She
is a thief, who eats everything
she sees! One day she stole a
lipstick, candy bar, and a tooth-
brush — and ate them! I have
to keep my bedroom clean so
‘things’ don’t disappear. If
she gets into my room, it looks
like a tornado hit! She messes
everything and burrows under
my blankets, where she likes to
eat the things she fi nds in dark-
ness. Our other dogs would
rather eat with the family.”
Nati has learned responsibil-
ities while caring for his dogs.
He lets them out for potty
breaks, feeds them and baths
them. “You have to commit to
do what is right for your pets,”
said Nati. “I’ve trained Rio
to shake a paw, lie down and
retrieve toys. My life would
be empty without a dog. Ev-
ery day I play outside with
them and toss their toys and
A
Photo by Mary Ellen “Angel Scribe”
Nati holds Chalupa and Rio as he shares the “dog
gone truth”, “Having dogs means that I am never
lonely. I am happier. My life would be empty without
a dog.”
they never tangle their leashes laundry room and the front
when walking because several load washer,” said eldest sis-
ter, Nicolette. “One day a dog
of us walk them.”
When Rio arrived, he was jumped in and burrowed down
so small, he fi t into pockets! in the clothes. We did not see
He’s traveled to Italy with his her until she jumped out. It
family and because he slept in was a miracle that we had not
pockets, Nati’s sister, Cassan- closed the door, or turned the
dra, said, “He was so quiet, I machine on.”
took him to school. When you
Video:
look into our dogs’ eyes, you
Utterly cute! Pekinese pup-
can see what they are think-
py herds sheep.
ing.”
https://www.youtube.com/
“Our dogs are on a grain-
free diet,” said Anna, “just like watch?v=BEqyXXTFTqI&fea
my husband. We swapped ture=share
from ‘regular’ dog food when
TV dog-star Skidboot
Rio’s fur began falling out. His
http://silverandgoldandthee.
skin and fur are now normal
on his new food, so we contin- net/V/Sk.html
ued with grain free for all the
Cute rabbit herds sheep!
dogs. (My husband is doing
http://www.guardian.co.uk/
better too.)
And my husband says, ‘Chi- science/grrlscientist/2012/
co’s been a ‘Papa’s boy’ since feb/11/1
day one! He is the only one
Tell us about your crazy
in this house that I can have a
conversation with – who lis- pets!
angelscribe@msn.com
tens.’”
TIPS
Pay extra attention with
small dogs, so you don’t step
or sit on them. Nati’s family’s
fl oors are tile, hardwood and
laminate, so it is easier to hear
their dogs approach. They
also placed cat collars (with
a bell) on their dogs to better
hear them.
“Our dogs’ room is in the
“Follow” Pet Tips ‘n’ Tales
on Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/
PetTipsandTales
Adopt Loving Pets
www.PetFinder.com
Humane Society for Neu-
ter/Spay Assistance Program.
(541) 942-2789
fter clearing off the
kitchen table and fi nd-
ing an outlet for the calculator,
I sat down to do my taxes. As
always, I made sure to have all
the necessary documentation
and forms, like W4s, tax forms,
bank statements, insurance re-
ports, tax schedules and, most
importantly, a box of Kleenex.
As I sat staring at this year’s
tax booklet, I noticed a special
section of “Tax Terms,” which is
an alphabetical listing of terms
one may encounter during the
tax preparation process. Each
term is followed by a brief de-
scription meant to enlighten the
truth-seeking taxpayer through
“real-life” examples. For in-
stance, the IRS uses “Jane” and
“John” to illustrate the term
“Ability to Pay.” In this scenario,
Jane is fi lthy rich, with homes
on both coasts that she visits by
way of her own Lear jet.
By comparison, John earns
what the IRS calls a “more mod-
est salary,” which affords him a
fl ashlight and a camper shell to
live in.
The only thing these two have
in common is the oil industry:
Jane is an executive in it, and
John had his SUV re-possessed.
According to the booklet, due
to their income disparity, “John
and Jane do NOT pay the same
amount of taxes, because their
ability to pay differs vastly.”
This brings us to a term not
included in the handbook:
“Highly-paid tax lawyer.”
In this example, Jane is able
to fi lter her $1.6 million earn-
ings through a maze of tax shel-
ters and special credits before
wiring an undisclosed amount
into a Swiss bank account, leav-
ing her with a taxable income
of: $6.28.
John, who fi les his return on
the 1040 EZ form, is entitled to
a refund that, coincidently, adds
up to exactly...
$6.28!
See? “Jane” PAYS and “John”
gets a tax CREDIT!
All together, there are 65
terms listed in the handbook,
many of which seem self-ex-
planatory until you read them
closely. With the tax deadline
just a few weeks away, I’ve
taken the liberty of paraphras-
ing some of the more complex
terms that you may encounter
before now and tax day.
1040EZ:
1.) Simplest tax form offered
by the IRS.
2.) A wealthy white rapper.
Gross Income: The dollar
amount that appears in the box
after “federal income tax with-
held.”
Adjusted Really Gross In-
come: The amount left over af-
ter completing your taxes.
Bank interest income: If you
make more than $400 from your
savings account, the IRS is in-
terested.
Tax Shift: What the average
taxpayer does in their seat af-
ter determining his/her adjusted
gross income.
Dependent: A child, parent,
spouse or household pet with
a human-sounding name, such
as “Fred” or “Sally,” whom the
creative taxpayer can claim on
his/her income taxes.
Estate Tax: The amount of
tax on a deceased individual’s
estate that has been passed on
to surviving family members.
Short explanation: Something
my children will never have to
worry about.
Passive Income: The response
most writers get when people
ask them about their annual
income, i.e., “Thanks, but I’ll
pass.”
Duty Deposit: What most
taxpayers would like to include
with their IRS payment.
While there are plenty of
other terms in the new IRS tax
glossary, it’s probably a good
idea to stop here.
To be honest, I’m already
feeling taxed.
(Ned is a syndicated colum-
nist with News Media Corpora-
tion. His book, “Humor at the
Speed of Life,” is available on-
line at Port Hole Publications,
Amazon Books and Barnes &
Noble. Write to him at nedhick-
son@icloud.com)
Here’s My Card!
Wendy Sue Benson
Agency Owner
Anchor Insurance Services
Rosendo Lopez
Allstate Insurance Company
130 Gateway Blvd.
Cottage Grove, OR 97424
1425 Edison Ave.
Cottage Grove, OR 97424
541-942-0594
Phone: 541-942-2605
Fax: 541-942-2885
wsuebenson@msn.com
Romero’s
Flooring
Sharon E. Bush
541-942-2106
541-942-5811 fax
541-915-4206 cell
Inc.
BECO Ente rpri ses,
tant
Licensed Tax Consul • B00623
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541-942-3746
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