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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 16, 2017)
6 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2017 Santa Summit prompts Greenland to establish ‘No-Fly Zone’ Ned Hickson One of the things that makes email so great is, if you come across something that absolutely HAS to be by everyone you know — like say a picture of a cat doing chin-ups — you can simply click a button and send it to 100 people. Or in the case of my favorite aunt who still hasn't mastered this process, you can send that very same knee- slapping picture to one person — such as your favorite nephew — 100 times. The reason I bring this up is because, if not for email, I sincerely doubt someone from Midland, Mich., would’ve gone to the trouble of sending me a photo of 176 Santas standing on the deck of a fishing boat off the coast of Greenland (and YES, this is primarily the kind of e-mail I get.) I should mention that we were one of 50 newspapers that received the photo, which was part of an announcement letting people know that classes at the Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School had come to an end. Now, opening my email at 5:45 a.m. to find a pack of wild Santas waving cham- pagne glasses at me from the bow of a fishing boat was enough to make me re-start my computer AND swear-off watching any more clayma- tion Christmas cartoons after 9 p.m. However, it wasn’t enough to keep me from visiting the school’s website in order to find out the connection between Michigan, 176 wild Santas, and what must’ve been the strangest cruise ship experience this side of Orlando. What I discovered was that the photo was taken during the first-ever Santa Summit in Northern Greenland, where men and women from 13 dif- ferent countries — including the U.S. — came together to exchange ideas, drink too much and get stuck in the chimneys of local villagers. This would explain why all 176 Santas were apparently confined to a large fishing boat and taken out to sea. It also explains why Greenland, a peace-loving country that has no military of its own and proudly proclaims it has never waged war on anyone, recently passed a resolution allowing persons dressed as Santa to be attacked by snow dogs and/or harpooned on sight. No questions asked. Given that all three of my questions had been answered, the safe thing to do would have been to delete the photo and get back to work. But as we all know, the internet can be a dangerous place, particu- larly for those who are impressionable, unsupervised, and not facing a deadline. As a result, I discovered some interesting mathemati- cal equations about Santa’s yearly trip around the world. To begin with, Santa actually has 31 hours to work with on Christmas Eve, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth. Considering that Santa is able to deliver an estimated 91.8 million presents in that amount of time, I really have no business whining about going to Target and having my dozen or so presents wrapped for me while I sit across the street drinking Dutch Bros. In addition, for Santa to make all of his stops by Christmas morning, he must fly at speeds in excess of 650 miles per second. Given that the air resistance would be similar to a spacecraft re- entering the Earth’s atmos- phere, we can safely assume that Rudolf and the rest of Santa's reindeer would burst into flames and cause a sonic boom loud enough to knock the top ornament off of every Christmas tree on the planet. Santa, meanwhile, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by a gravitational force about 17,500 times stronger than Earth's gravity. Of course, this is all just speculation. Odds are, he might not make it past Greenland. (You can write to Ned Hickson at nedhickson@icloud.com, or c/o Siuslaw News, 148 Maple St., Florence, OR 97439) What the Dickens? Another community Christmas tradition! ‘A Christmas Memory’ Review B Y B URNEY G ARELICK ‘Tis the season to be jolly — to laugh, sing, and dance in the expectations of Christmas pres- ent and the memories of Christmas past. Florence has been doing its part with the hilarious Holly Jolly Follies’ “Totally Twisted Tinsel,” Ballet Fantastique’s innovative dance adaptation of “A Christmas Carol” and the swinging harmo- ny of the Emerald City Jazz Kings’ Old-Fashioned Christmas. This weekend, Dec. 16 and 17, Class Act Theatre (CAT) takes us on a sleigh ride back to the 1930s, an economically depressing decade between the Roaring 20s and World War II. CAT presents “A Christmas Memory,” a charming, poignant story that embraces the mean- ing of the yuletide season. Directed with affection by Leah Goodwin, “A Christmas Memory” is an autobiographi- cal story by Truman Capote reflecting his memories grow- ing up in rural Alabama. This gentle story comes as a surprise from the author of “In Cold Blood” and “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” although it comes closest to revealing his heart and soul. “A Christmas Memory” is the recollection of Buddy, sent to live with an aging cousin of 60-some years, her dog Queenie, and a houseful of irri- tating voices. Buddy and Sook, as she is called, have lots to do to prepare for Christmas-baking 30 fruitcakes for acquaintances and Franklin Delano Roosevelt, choosing a Christmas tree and making ornaments and pres- ents. It’s a delightful tale of a lov- ing relationship of equals. It’s an absorbing story that quiets the spirit, a respite from the hol- iday hustle and bustle. Even if you don’t like fruit- cake, you’ll relish the interplay between Buddy and Sook as performed by the Modern Major General and opera diva Maria Callas. Wait a minute. Did the sleigh take a wrong turn? Relax. Florence’s many fine actors play many parts. Two of the finest have changed cos- tumes and characters for “A Christmas Memory.” Jim Wellington, the fast-talking Modern Major General from the Last Resort Players’ “Pirates of Penzance” (2016), assumes the role of the adult Buddy, the story’s narrator, and the 70-year-old Buddy, the story’s participant. Annie Schmidt, who as Maria Callas devastated opera students in the LRP’s “Master Class” (2017), transforms into a poor, unsophisticated, resource- ful country woman. Wellington’s Buddy carries loose pages which he consults often, as if he’s writing his memoirs, and Schmidt is endearing with fewer lines and many actions. She’s a puppet character grown-up Buddy is recreating. His memories and his reflections of those memo- ries overlap like waves on an ocean of diamonds. Capote’s words are graceful, elegant and uncomplicated. The story flows naturally from the stage into your heart, making a new Christmas memory. But wait. There’s more. “A Christmas Memory” is preceded by “Radio ReRun,” a 1930s radio show with a dozen players including a pianist, an enthusiastic bell ringer and a horse, all singing, telling jokes, and doing commercials for Maxwell House Coffee, Campbell Soup and Lux Soap. Directed with wit by Mary Conley, the radio station, filling half the stage, is called KCAT (what else!) Songs include “I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus” and “The Twelve Days After Christmas.” There’s a bickering sketch by the Bickersons, played by CAT pro- prietors Rosemary and David COURTESY PHOTO Thurs-Sat 12/14-12/16, 9am-6pm, 87791 Sandrift St., Estate Sale, great prices, excellent items, many brand new. Take Rhody to Saltaire, to Sandrift. same song, as he prepares to share his Christmas memories. It's a gift worth giving year after year. “A Christmas Memory” plays at CAT on Saturday, Dec. 15, and Sunday, Dec. 16 at 7 p.m., with a Sunday matinee at 2 p.m. For more information, call CAT at 541-991-3773. FREE garage sale signs 541-997-3441 with your ad BOYS & GIRLS CLUB of Western Lane County 1601 15th Street • Florence, OR 97439 541-902-0304 Great Futures Start Here Volunteer Get involved Florence Food Share provides food to those who are hungry in our community. If you have four hours a week available, we are in need of volunteers to staff our Front Desk and also act as Guides as clients walk through the pantry. Please call our volunteer coordinator, Ivy Medow, @ 541-997-9110 (Monday – Friday, before noon) to learn more about volunteering. info@lorence- foodshare.org 2190 Spruce Street. CROW looking for masquerade mask artists The Children’s Repertory of Oregon Workshops (CROW) will host a fundraiser on Saturday, Feb. 17, and is seek- ing help from the Florence arts community to decorate one-of- a-kind masquerade masks. This do-not-miss event is entitled “Black and White Ball,” and will include live music from the “Pop Rocks” of Eugene, silent auction, wine pull and much more. The masquerade mask base will be provided, and artists may use any materials to create their design, with one caveat: They may only use Black and White with silver/gold accents. Artists will donate time, materials and masks that will then be sold at the event. CROW hopes to raise funds to provide scholarships and educational materials for Lauria. Mind the applause sign and do your part. The radio program ends with a song, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” The players exit, and without intermission, “A Christmas Memory” begins. The other half of the stage lights up, and Buddy stands at the kitchen radio singing the Donate Do your part and volunteer today to help support these local non-proft organizations in our community! Volunteers needed for new home construction, home repairs, general offi ce work, public relations and program administration. Join an operating committee and help Habitat help others! Call 541-902-9227 or e-mail to fl orencehabitat@gmail.com Offi ce located at 2004 HWY 101, Florence CROW is looking for artists to create masquarde masks for their upcoming “Black and White Ball” in February. 2018's youth summer theatre camps, as well as production and technical theatre supplies for their upcoming show, “Disney's Tarzan,” to be held at the Florence Events Center April 13-15. “Thank you to our wonder- ful local artists for supporting CROW kids,” CROW Artistic Director Melanie Heard said. “The arts really do matter.” For a mask base, email Heard at crowtheaterkids@ yahoo.com. Viewfinders names December contest winners Assisting those in need in our Community. Free Hot Meals Mon-Wed-Fri 12:30 AM - 1:30 PM HELPING HANDS COALITION Volunteer Get involved Donate Do your part and volunteer today to help support these local non-proft organizations in our community! December photo winners were by (from left) Stephanie Ames, Curt Peters and Craig Shreeve. The Siuslaw Viewfinders Camera Club theme for December was “Moods in Black & White,” and members came up with an a wide array of photo submissions. First place went to Stephanie Ames for her photograph, which showed a couple dodging a gigantic wave at the coast titled “They Survived.” Curt Peters took second with an up-close photo of a raven straight out of Edgar Alan Poe. Craig Shreeve’s third place image was a com- posite of the Bandon Lighthouse with a magnif- icent old pirate ship apparently about to crash onto the rocks. The next meeting of the Viewfinders Club will be Monday, Jan. 8, in the Bromley Room of The Siuslaw Public Library. The theme for January is “The Sound of Music.” New Life Lutheran Church, 2100 Spruce St, next to Foodshare, Call 541-997-5057 to Volunteer Meals on Wheels are available to people over the age of 60 who cannot get out much due to illness or advanced age and who are not eating properly, regardless of income. Cafe 60 is available for those who prefer to make new friends in a dining room setting. 1570 Kingwood • PO Box 2313, Florence 541-997-5673 laneseniormeals.org Operating Monday, Wednesday and Friday Saving men one PSA test at a time. 541-997-6626 maribob@oregonfast.net Someone to talk to... who understands! To include your The Salvation Army organization in this directory, Western Lane County please call us Col. Sam Spayd, Volunteer Kettle Coordinator P.O. Box 1041, Florence, Oregon 97439 @ 541-997-3441 541-991-6139
