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About The Siuslaw news. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1960-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 28, 2015)
6 A SIUSLAW NEWS ❚ WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 28, 2015 Just what we need: intoxicated cats the wine is made from a com- Ned bination of Cabernet grapes Hickson and catnip, two flavors cats As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with North Korea, ISIS and the very real threat of another Justin Bieber album, now we can add “drunken cats” to our terrorist watch list. That’s right. Because it’s not like cats didn't already have enough attitude, right? Thanks to Japanese manu- facturer B&H Lifes, cats can now get drunk and REALLY disagreeable while drinking a new wine developed specifi- cally for the feline palette. According to B&H Lifes, find irresistible — and the second of which manufactur- ers explain “helps cats release their inhibitions.” Apparently cat inhibition is a big problem in Japan. I may be overstating this, but I have yet to meet a cat in the U.S. that has a problem releasing its inhibitions. Or anything else for that matter if the mood strikes. In fact, if anyone needs to be drinking catnip-laced wine to release their inhibitions it’s American cat owners, many of whom spend more time picking out dinner for their cat than they do their family. Why? Because even though they may whine, complain and refuse to eat dinner, most children won’t climb onto the back of the couch while you’re watching TV and bite your head. I say “most chil- dren” because, hey — I don’t want to seem unfair to cats. The truth is, even the names of cat food demon- strates the level of servitude we have come to accept. Fancy Feast: How DARE you offer a plain feast! Tender Vittles: Sure, cats have razor-sharp teeth made specifically for chewing and grinding. But why should they have to make the effort? Royal Feline: Just a Public Safety Levy audit positive EUGENE — Yesterday, Jan. 27, the Lane County Board of Commissioners heard from the external auditor hired to exam- ine the funds from the Public Safety levy approved by voters in 2013. The results of the audit show that the funds have been used to fund the programs as required by the levy. One of the provisions of the Public Safety Levy, Measure 20-213, passed in May of 2013, was an independent audit of how the money was spent. “This audit has been com- pleted and validates the trust and confidence the citizens of Lane County put in the Sheriff’s Office,” said Lane County Sheriff Tom Turner. “The money was used exactly as the levy was written, provid- ing jail and Department of Youth Services greater capaci- ty to hold violent offenders, and allowed the first step in the repair of the most broken ele- ments of our Public Safety sys- tem.” Lane County Health and Human Services Director Alicia Hays said, “With the support of the voters, we have doubled the number of youth services treatment beds. We are serving more youth during their time of need, and helping protect our community.” SSWCD seeks contractor The Siuslaw Soil and Water Conservation District is seek- ing licensed contractors to implement the riparian plant- ing portion of the Fiddle and Morris creeks Riparian Restoration Project. The deadline for bid sub- missions is Saturday, Jan. 31. Contact the District Watershed conservationist Seth Mead at 541-997-1272, or email him at siuswcd@qwestoffice.net for project details. The audit, conducted by accounting firm Moss-Adams LLP, was a multi-month process to provide an inde- pendent perspective about how the funds collected were ulti- mately used. Moss-Adams is a leader in assurance, tax, con- sulting, risk management, transaction and wealth servic- es, with a staff of more than 2,000. The audit memo concluded that “In our opinion, the sched- ule and management’s asser- tion that the County complied with the aforementioned requirements for the year ended June 30, 2014, is fairly stated, in all material respects.” Breaking news, photo galleries and MORE! Visit the Siuslaw News online at WWW.THESIUSLAWNEWS.COM reminder that you are but a cat's handmaiden or squire. Let’s take a moment to compare this with the names of dog foods. Science Diet: We’re basi- cally experimenting on you, buddy. Old Yeller: Your dinner is named after a dog that was shot after contracting rabies. Eat up, boy! Pedigree: We just don’t want you to forget you're actually a mutt from the pound. It’s easy to see the hierar- chy cats have already estab- lished while sober. Do we really want to add the unpre- dictability of cats with a drinking problem to the equa- tion? We all know alcohol affects people differently. It stands to reason the same applies to cats. That’s why I’m not willing to roll the dice with my own cat, who I’m pretty sure would be an angry drunk. The last thing I want is for my children to see Mittens on a drunken tear, meowing about how we love the dog more, that birds constantly mock his failure as a hunter, and how being neutered has kept him from having a meaningful relationship. While it’s true manufactur- ers say there’s no actual alco- hol in its cat libation, called Nyan Nyan Nouveau, which is Japanese for “Meow Meow Wine,” it does contain catnip — which has the same intoxi- cating effect as “a feline slamming Jack and Cokes with Charlie Sheen,” warns Animal Planet cat behaviorist Jackson Galaxy. “Nothing good can come from making wine available to cats. Or Charlie Sheen.” My thoughts exactly. So thanks, Japan, but I’ll stick to being a manservant to our cat while it’s sober and indifferent. I’m used to it. Spruce Point Assisted Living presents: SAFETY FIRST SafetyMan says “Always be Safe to Ensure an Active & Independent Lifestyle” Ned is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His book, “Humor at the Speed of Life,” is available online at Port Hole Publications, Amazon Books and Barnes & Noble. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com S Join us as we host a lecture series to increase safety awareness on fall prevention, common home injuries and provide solutions to keep you and your loved one safe. Classes are FREE to the public. Durable Medical Equipment Can Keep You Independent THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2:00 PM Eat Healthy for Life and Prevention of Diabetes THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 2015, 2:00 PM Managing Activities of Daily Living THURSDAY, JANUARY 29, 2015, 2:00 PM Surviving the Heat THURSDAY, MAY 22, 2015, 2:00 PM Falls Are Preventable Beyond Balance THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2015, 2:00 PM THURSDAY, JUNE 26, 2015, 2:00 PM Modifying Your Home for Safety THURSDAY, MARCH 26, 2015, 2:00 PM All Participants will be entered into a raffle for a $25 Gift Card. To RSVP and to find out about our Move In Specials call (541) 997-6111 or visit us today! Managed by Spruce Point Assisted Living 375 9th Street Florence, Oregon 97439 www.PrestigeCare.com Prestige Senior Living, L.L.C. D EADLINE FOR P RESS R ELEASES I S E VERY M ONDAY AND T HURSDAY BY N OON . E MAIL P RESS R ELEASES @T HE S IUSLAW N EWS . COM . IRUPHUO\3UXGHQWLDO3DFL¿F3URSHUWLHV Same great brokers... same excellent service. What’s happening where you live? Watch our new online 60-second videos produced from the latest MLS data. Get a quick snapshot of real estate activity and price trends in the Florence area. • Automatically updated • Clear & accurate information • Localized market areas OPEN HOUSE Sat, Jan 31, 2015 1:00-3:00 pm 1360 20 th St Great home for entertaining. Room for RV. Backyard is fenced 3 Bdrm, 2 Ba 1697 sq ft $205,500 BH6814 ML#14350375 NEW LISTING Goldenwest stunning home in gated 55+. 20x30 garage & workshop area, low maintenance landscaping 3 Bdrm, 2 Ba 1782 sq ft $210,000 BH6902 ML#15231349 NEW LISTING Neat, clean & move-in ready. Enclosed 8x12 shop w/workbench & storage. Two decks. 2 Bdrm, 2 Ba 924 sq ft $79,900 BH6903 ML#15301608 NEW LISTING Stunning home in upscale community of Willow Dunes. Open kitchen, private fenced backyard, circular drive. RV parking 2 Bdrm + den, 2 Ba 2088 sq ft $359,900 BH6897 ML#15527327 NEW LISTING Coastal getaway, turn key for great investment or 2 nd home. Fully furnished. Adjacent lot included w/ septic installed. 2 Bdrm, 2 Ba 1392 sq ft $215,333 BH6898 ML#15474395 FEATURED LISTING South Shore gated subdivision, 1 acre corner lot, cleared & ready to build. Septic approved. Lake water available. $119,000 BH6892 ML#14666443 FEATURED LISTING Beach lot! Heceta water, septic approval, ocean view, 3 blocks to beach. Priced to sell. $129,000 BH6363 ML#13329420 • Information you want to know Visit our website at RealEstateFlorence.com Real and click the 60-second Market Update Video! Mark NEW LISTING Custom “Center” built home. Artist studio w/great lighting. Finished garage, epoxy fl oor, sink & work area. Fenced backyard 2 Bdrm, 2 ½ Ba 1623 sq ft $269,000 BH6900 ML#15329414 FEATURED LISTING Vacant camp lot close to dunes, beach & lakes. Park RV & toys $33,000 BH6501 ML#13597998 Florence Branch | 1875 Hwy 101 | Florence, OR | (541) 997-6000 | www.RealEstateFlorence.com © 2014 BHH Affiliates, LLC. 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