Oregon City enterprise. (Oregon City, Or.) 1871-188?, April 23, 1875, Image 1

Oregon City enterprise., April 23, 1875, Image 1

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Newspaper Page TextnKlY W1 o DEVOTED TO POLITICS, NEWS, LITERATURE, AMD THE BEST INTERESTS OF OREGON.- YQL. OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, APRIL 23, 1875. NO., 26.- THE ENTERPRISE. A LOCAL DEMCCHATIC NEWSPAPER FOR THE Ftrmsr, Bnuntss Man, & Family Circle. 1S817BD EVBRY FRIDAY. NOLTNER, KDITbR AND PUBLISHER. rriciit papzii fob clackamas co. fiFFirtf-Hn Estkrpriw BulWinff, one Jot outh of M -Milc Building, Mam St. Term ft KulcrlptIon t Mn-l Copv One Year. In Advance $2.50 " Six Months " l-50 Trrirn Advertising J Transit' odvertUemerits, Including "lliec.it notlwu. ' siuarc of twelve lino one ivcek.. ? .".k, For each subsequent Insertion. Jjg Ono Column, one year M M Hif , ;;;;; 40.00 &ViE Car. 1 ..nej- . - " ' SOCIETY NOTICES. KE(i()1 LOIHiB NO. 3, I. I. O. F., Meet evcrv Thursday e viiin; at 7 ! oVloek, In the odd Fellows Hall. Main street. Members of the. Or der are invited to attend. By order " ItKHKCCl imCUlili NO 3 I. (). O. Meets on the trs day oveiims carh mouth, .r at 7' o i-1.m:K, Hi uie v.ni'i l-VHou-4' II dl. Membersof the Decree ,ir invited to attend. MULTNOMAH LOUGH NO. I,.Y.L ct A. M., Holds its regular com- A iiiiiMit-itioiis on the First and V T.iir-I Saturdays in each month, nl 7 o'clock from thc'th of S. timber to the mJJih of March ; and 7- oVIo-.-k from the I'Oth of March to the 2-Jth of Srptemter. lirethren in good Ntan lin;' aro invited to attend. 15y order of W. M. IfAl.US liNCVMl'MKN T NO. 4,1. O. O.K., Mets at Odd Fellows' J$ outhe First mid Third Tuos div of evh month. Patriarchs vr ia -fd wtandin are invited to attend. CLli'K F.N CAM 11 UN 1' XO. 2, C. U. Me-ts at O Id Fellows' Hall, in Ore i: i Citv, Or-xn. n Monday evening, at 7 .Vlvk. M-Niibr of th.? order ,aro m vit ! to wrfii'l. M. C. ATIIE , C. J. .vl. liAC jv. It. X. maJTly n v s i x H s .? c a it D .sr. J. V. NOKliiS. I'aVSll'l VX AX3 Sl'IttiEOX, o a o x c i r r, o : yj o x. ttfOTdK Ti-Slairs In OU:rman's r.rick. Mam Strot t. . ausmi. W. W. MO 11 ELAND, 2 ATTORNEY-AT-LAW; OIIICUON CITY, OIIEBDX. OKKICK Main Street, opposite the Court llvaw. t ATTO RN $ Y-AT-L A W: Q1E33N CITYl " - OHEGON. "OFFICE Cl loan's brick, Main st. i 187:2 :tf. JOHNSON & McCOWN ITtmSYS AND COUNSELORS AT-LAW Oregon City, Oregon. fJVilI practice in all the Courts of the tn U. S. Una uracn ni ircgon viij . 5arrlS72-tf. L.T. pARIN ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, OREGON CITl, OREGON. OFFICE Over rpe' Tin Store, Main treet. II 21mar73-tf. Dr. S. PARKER, LATE OF rOR"MD, OFFERS HIS services as Ih. Ician and Surgeon to the people of Clackamas county, who may t any time be In n -ed of a physician. Ho has op -ned an offlc at Ward A Harding's Irug Store wlwre ho can be found at all tims of the day when not engaged in pro fessional calls. Residence, Main Street, next door bt one above R. Caufield's store. October 20, 1371. t tf JOHN A. BACON, aniIe IMPORTER ALER in Books, StationerVJperfum- ry, etc., etc. Oregon City, Oregon. "At Oharman A Warner's old stand, tely occupied by S. Ackeman, Main st. OREGON CITY BREWERY. Henry Humbel, H AVIX PiTTir-M a- f the above Brew- S 'ry wishes lo Intern thn r.iibllc that he is now prepared to manufacture a No. 1 dual ity of T.AOBR BURR, fi? PWV' as can bo obtained anywhere in ,? 7tate. Orders solicited and promptly nited. OYSTER SALOON REST AUR A. MT ! LOUIS SAAL, Proprietor. Mln Street, - - - - Oregon City. rVYSTERS WILL, HE SERVED FROM . nd thls dat' during the Winter eaon. The best qualities of FRENCH d AMERICAN CANDIES. Ice for sale in quantities to suit. A Representative and Champion of Amer- irnn 4rt Tnstpl Prospectus for 1875 EigJdlt Year. THE ijLDIiYE, THE ART JOCR.VVL OF AMERICA, Issued Monthly. " A Magnificent Conception, Wonderfully carried out." The necessity of a popular medium for the representation of the productions of our preat artists, has always been recog nized, and many attempts have been made to meet the want. The successive failures which so Invariable followed each attempt in this country to establish an art journal, did not prove the indifference of the American people to the claims of higrh art. So soon as a proper appreciation of the want and an ability to meet It were shown, the pnblic at onco ralied with en thusiasm to its support, and the result was a preat artistic and commercial triumph THE ALDIXE. THEALDIXE, wnile issued with all the regularity, has none of the temporary or timely interest characteristic of ordinary periodicals. It Is an elegant miscellany of pure, light, and graceful literature; and a collection of pictures, the rarest specimens of artistic skill. In black and white. Al though each succeeding number affords a fresh pleasure to'its friends, the real value and beauty of TheAidine will be most ap preciated after it is bound up at the close of the year. While other publications may claim superior cheapness, ns compar ed with rivals of a similar class, The Aldine is an unique and original conception alone and unapproached absolutely with out competition in price or character. The possessor of a complete volume could not duplicate the quantity of line paper and engravings in any other shape or number of volumes for ten times its cost ; and then there is the chromo besides! PREMIUM FOT?, 1875. Every subscriber for 1875 will receive a beautiful portrait, In oil colors, of the same noble dog whose picture In a former issue attracted so much attcntisn. " .Han's I'nsi'Ifish Friend'' will bo welcome in every homo. Every body loves such a dog, and the portrait is executed so true to the liff. that it seems the veritable presence of the nnimal itself. The Kov. T. lo Wit Tannage tells that his own New Koundland dog (the finest in Brooklyn) barks at it ! and though so nat ural, no one who sees this premium chro mo will have the slightest fear of being bitten. Besides tho chromo, every advance sub scriber to The Aldine for 1875 is constituted a member, and entitled to all the privil- ;es or THE ALDINE ART UNION. The Union owns the originals of all the Airline pictures, which, with other paint ings and engravings, are to be distributed iniongthe members. To every scries of hk) subscribers, 100 diftVrent pieces, valu- d at over $2,500. are to be distributed as soon as the series is full, and the awards of each series as made, are to be published n the next succeeding issue of The Aidxne. This feature applies only to subscribers who pay lor one year in advance. Full particulars in circular sent on application enclosing a stamp. TERMS. Our Suhsrriptioii, eitUlin;x to THE illjDIJN K oii year, the l liromo uitd the Art Viiiuit, SG per Annum, in Advance. (Xo charge for postage.) Specimen copies of THE ALUIXE, 50c. CANVASSERS WANTED. Any person wishing to act permanently as a local canvasser will receive full and promt information by applying to THE ALDINE COMPANY, 5 M.UDISN I, AXIS, XKW VO!!. D n Y n LOTH! I o o T I now offi"r this stock of Goods at Prices far below any other house in the State. Times are hard and money scarce and I will give every one the worth of their money. I also keep a full assortment of OREGON CITY MADE () () I) s c I G A 11 S H A T S c A P S A D S Men ntl Hoys' C lot III ii (r, I'lidenvca r. Flu ii no lx, lla tiUet. And Yarn . ALSO Groceries, Cutlery, Jewt-lr)-, Notions, 3Iuirl IiiMtriiments, Toys, Etc., AT THE Lowest Prices For CSBL H () E S T 0 B A C C o s AT. oct!6tf OREGON STEAMSHIP GO.'S STEAMBOAT NOTICE ! 2. Sti E. TST. COOKE, Will leave OREGON CITY for PORTLAND everv day Except Sunday,! at 7J$ o'clock, A. M. Returning, will leave Portland for Oregon City at 2 o'clock, P. M. Str. ALICE, Will leave OREGON CITY for CORVALLIS every Monday and Thursday of each week. Sti DAYTON, Will leave OREGON CITY for McMINN VILLE, LAFAYETTE and PaYTON, and all points between, every Monday, Wed nesday and Friday of each week. Ieaves the Basin at 8 o'clock, a. m., and connect with the train at Canemah at 9, A. si. Sti ALBANY, Leaves OREGON CITY for IIARRISBURG and EUGEXE and all intermediate points every week. Sti. EniTiiie IPatton, Leaves OREGON CITY for ALBANY and all intermediate points between twice ev ery week. J. D. BILES, Agent, Oregon City.February, 141. 874. DR. JOHN WELCH DENTIST, OFFICE IX OREGON CITY, OREGON. Highest Ch Price Paid for County Order. FORJSALE. THE UNDERSIGNED OFFERS HH premises, in Oswego, for sale at a bar gain, for cash. There is a fine dwelling and out buildings, -orchard and. aboot thrne acres of land. Finely situated for a board' irig house for the h'aads employed In. the Iroji Works. W? CAINS Oswego, Sept. 10, 1874. 3w A.LEVYS. Hiram Jenkins' Mistake. BY CHARLES E. HCED, Hiram Jenkins drove slowly up the road that led to the farm house of Deacon Bates. It was plain even to the casual observer-that the er rand he was bound upon was of no common importance. No man would have arrayed himself so gorgeously, simply for the purchase of a tub of fall butter or a yoke of steers. His hair was in a state of distressing smoothness, and seemed almost a part of the glossy hat which covered it. His coat and pantaloons were marvels in their way, and his boots which had been elaborately blacked, reflected the rays of the setting sun in a manner perfectly blinding to the beholder. And yet notwith standing his superiority in all these respects to the lilies of "the field there was apparent in his actions a singu lar sort of nervousness, a trepidity almost, which rendered his appear ance ridiculous and awkward. This trepidation was in no wise lessen ed by the sudden vision of a red headed urchin watching him from the barn door, and who, as the team approached, with an ever widening grin, sped off in the direction of the farm house and disappeared through the kitchen door. Hirain was con scious a minute afterwards of being the target for a dozen pair of eyes from the sitting room windows, and it required extraordinary strength of mind on his part to drive past the house to the shed where the horses of all visitors were hitched. There are few more awkward things to do than to get in or out of a carriage when women are watchincr. and though Hiram thought of the had probably never fact before ho fully truth, as, endeavor experienced its ing to spring genteelly from the bug gy, his foot slipped on the wheel and he came down on his hands and knees in the dirt. His remarks as he scrambled to his feet were confin ed to one word, but that, though short, was the most expressive one in the English language. " I'll have to go around to the barn pump and wash my hands before I can go in," ho said to himself. "I suppose thev are having their fun out of me in the house now. Con found it, I wish I hadn't started!" As he passed the door of the horse barn, which was partly open, he heard the sound of voices. lie lis tened, and his heart sank as he rec ognized the tones of his rival, Elna than Ilogcrs. "I want her bad," he was saying. " She just suits me. You can't al ways have her, you know, and you'd better call the thing settled." " I don't know about that," an swered the deacon doubtfully. "I've always said, come' what would, I wouldn't part with Jennv. But you hang on so I don't know " nay it's a bargain, deacon, thought it over a good while I've and her Jenny I must have. I'll treat well, you may be sure of that." The deacon hesitated, blew liis nose, and finally said: " She's crot some little tricks that nobodv knows anvthing about but me, and I don't want to impose upon a neighbor." " Oh, pshaw! that's only an excuse of yours, deacon. I'm willing to risk it." " She kicked me in the stomach last winter, and bit little Sammy not mor'n six weeks ago. I can show you the scar now." ' Great King!" thought Hiram, "and I was going to pop the ques tion this very night. Who ever would have though it!"' "I'll take that out of her," said Elnathan, continuing the conversa tion. " If she so much as lifts a foot to me, I'll give her a lick in' that'l last her a month." " Lick!" ejaculated Hiram to him self, astonished beyond measure. " Lick Jenny Bates! Well, this goes ahead of anything I ever heard of. And the old man doesn't say a word! What next?" A long pause ensued, which was at last broken by the deacon: " Well, if you must have her, you must. I expect the old lady'll want something to say about it though. She thinks as much of Jenny as I do. Won't you come into the house?" " Not now. I've got to go down to the village before dark. I'll be round sometime to-morrow. Hiram Jenkins waited until he saw his successful rival climb the fence between the two farms. When he deliberately unhitched his horse, got into his wagon and drove off, never casting a look toward the window where the fair Jenny sat in watchful expectation. Not until he reached his own door did he draw a long breath. " It seems just like a dream," said he to himself, as he slowly unbuck led the harness. " To think of Jen ny Bates kicking her own father and biting her own brother, and she look ing as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth! It's just as mean though in the deacon to lick as 'tis for her to kick. The old hypocrite. Well, I must say, I'm mightily de ceived in the Bateses. 1 s'pose El nathan Rogers feels ranky enough now he's got her. I just hppe that she'll kick his head off. Lucky for mo that I overhead what little I did." Notwithstanding this self gratula tion, Hiram felt all the pangs of jeal ously and disappointment. He had not only lost his "girl," but he had been cut out in the most mortifying manner by a man heheld in thorough contempt. He felt that even with what he now knew of Jenny's faults, if he could gain her hand he would carry her off in spite of his rival or the deacon either. A week passed by, and Jenny was never out of bii thoughts. , One day he went to tha village,, aadf.vbile there, standing in front of the post office, Elnathan Rogers drove up with the deacon's mare. I s'pose now he's got Jenny, he thinks he's got a right to the whole property," muttered Hiram. " I wish to gracious the old mare would put her f eet through the dashboard.". That night the singing school met at the Academy. Hiram came , late. He used to sit with the tenors jnst behind Jenny Bates. Now he chose a different seat and tried bard to sing bass. He could not, however, help seeing Elnathan Rogers pass peppermint lozengers to Jenny, and also write something onthe blank leaf of her singing-book, which,, bhe read and answered. " Of course he'll go home with her to-night," muttered Hiram. "It'll be the first time I've missed it for a year. He's welcome though." All intermission he kept his seat and pretended to be very busy look ing for some tune in the singing book that refused to be found. Jen ny did not look at him. The doxology closed the school at last, and there was a grand bustling about the door, and an eager pushing among the young men to make sure of their favorites. Hiram was trying to make his way through the crowd, when he found himself at the elbow of Jenny Bates, and the same mo moment the hateful voice of Elna than Rogers was heard in these words: " Shall I see you home to-night, Miss Bates?" "No, sir," was the prompt answer. " I shall walk home alone." Hiram was totally unjrepared for this. " Perhaps it's one of her fits,' he said to himself. "The deacon- said she had 'em; that nobody knew but himself. I'm mighty glad she mit tened him though." The word mitten reminded Hiram that he had left both on his seat in the school-room, and he stepped back just a3 the candles were being put out. "Hero's Jenny Bates' singing book," he heard one boy say to an other. "She went off in such a hurry to-night she forgot it." Give it to me," said Hiram, who remembered what had taken place that evening, and with eager look sought out the written messages that had passed between Jenny and his rival. They were as follows: "Tell your father he cheated me when I bought old Jenny. I thought by her name she must be good for something, she kicks and bites ten times worse than he ever told me. I wish now I had spoken for the Jenny in the house instead of the one in the barn." And the answer: " I guess the horse is as good as you deserve. As for your choosing betwixt the t.vo you mention, you won't be able to do that this year. You have got the only Jenny you can ever get from my father." A new light broke in upon Hiram. " Well of all the infernal fools I ever heard of I am the biprgest. A dog would have had more sense It's not too lute now, thank heaven.' fry it . - . -m xne aeparting crowd started as Hiram with the singing-book in his hand, rushed down the stairs, two steps at a time, and up the road which led to Deacon Bates'. If he was not too lato he was nearly so, for J enuy had just opened the crate of the front yard. "Stop, Jenny!" he exclaimed, panting lor breath. " Here s your singing-book. lou left it on your seat, i tried to overtake you. " You needn't to have taken the trouble, Mr. Jenkins; I guess no one would have stolen it. said Jennv with a great display of dignity and making a show of going into the house. "JJont Jenny! Wait wait just a minute, j. Know i vc acted like a big fool; but just let me explain to you." Jenny hesitated a moment, made another start toward the door, then turned and went back to the gate where the discomfited Hiram stood waiting. ... ell, she said in as freezing a tone as she could command. " Now don't look and talk that way deuny xates. ion Know 1 never would have acted as I have if ii au n l inougni x uad good reasons for it. I thought you were going to marry Jtidnatnan itogers. " What business had you to think any such thing?" asked Jenny, firing up. " A. pretty explanation that is!' and again she turned away from the gate. "Stop! Let me tell you. Can'! you listen a minute?" said Hiram in desperation. He felt that there was no other way than to make a clean breast of it, and plunged into his story at once. Word for word he re lated the conversation he had heard in the horse barn, and the effect it had upon him. He was deeply in earnest, and in closing, humbly ap pealed for forgiveness. He saw her tremble and put her hands to her face. Poor girl, she pitied him His heart rose and his hand was up on the gate to open it, when a pea of laughter, louder and longer from beiner so lone rent up. rang out up on the night air, almost startling Hiram out of his boots, and waking the deacon and his wife from a sound sleep in the upper front bed-room. Up went the window and a night- capped head was thrnst out, with demand as to what was the matter Still Jenny laughed, while Hiram stood silent by the gate, angry and ashamed, not knowing whether to advance or go back. At last Jenny found her voice. " Go home. Hiram " Jenkins " she said, "say your prayers and go to sleep, and if you want to say any thing more to me. come ur to-mor row. evening after supper. But mind don't Vou cro listenmcr at anv." horse i barns on vour wav home:" and she f . COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, -DTTRtrrT TTY C AT.TFORNIA- went off in another peal of laughter. Hiram did not wait to say good night. Whether he slept or said his prayers that night, is not record ed, but it is a fact that eight o'clock the next evening found him in Dea con Bates' parlor. ' The interview was a long and probably an interest ing one, and its immediate result was, that before Thanksgiving, the deacon had neither a Jenny in the house nor in the stable. " That was years ago, and Hiram has since done the town some service as select-man, and is likewise a dig nified justice of the peace. Miscellaneous. People who argue that fires in sleeping rooms are unhealthy, gener ally speak more freely on the subject in the summer time. It is probably true that an honest man is the noblest work of God, but it looks very much as if the model had been lost, and most of the latest works arc very bad imitations, . A wealthy Philadelphian who died recently stipulated in his will that us nearest relative should assassin ate the obituary editor of the daily ljedqer if he made any political re marks on the subject. A Kansas family has lived four days on dried apples and snow. A down easter with such chances would have crawled out from under the drifts with eleven patents for making dried apple ice-cream. Among the articles in a box of do nations lately sent to Kansas was a tract entitled "The Wickedness of Gluttony." It must have been rath er aggravating, unless, indeed, it was intended for the grasshoppers. "Sam, if you were out in a boat and she was about to go down, what would you do ?" "I'd Beech (h) er to ieep her from Iilton. A Spring street boy, who had eat en eight or ten green oranges, leaned across a chair and howled with pain. His was an attack of "true inward ness," if there ever was one, for his inwards were in an awful shape. The Indianapolis Journal remarks that "it takes a mighty sight of peo ple to keep the truth from coming out." So it does; but it looks a good deal like attempting to cure a man of dropsy by coopering him with a hoop skirt. lhe Cincinnati inquirer tells ot a woman there who has triplets, and of another who has three pair of twins. Thev disagree as to which of them holds the best hand. Schenck says three of a kind beats two pairs, but he don't say how many of a kind it takes to beat three pairs. It is common in Milwaukee to see a street, car truagmg aiong siowiy, and it is also common to see a man come tumbling out of the back door over the railing and into the mud, while the conductor stands on the matform and ejaculates: "l'ay your fare with horn buttons will ye! . A Pleasant Prospect. Traveler, in Ireland: "Hi pull her Tip, man! Don't you see the mare is running away? Driver: "Hould tight, yer . a . 1 . 1 Onor! l or yer lifo don t touch tne reins! sure they're as rotten as pears! I'll turn her into the river at the bridge below here! That will stop her, the blagyard!" Mrs. Wm. Pluntz, of Albany, sep arated from her husband after only two weeks" of wedlock, because he snored no loud that she could not sleep. Her plea before the court was "cruelty to the sex." .The court could not hell) her out of her trou ble, but she finally prevailed upon her husband to give her $100 and re lease her and she went her way. Plain Serving-man: "What with these 'ere new laws, mum, the birds is more troublesome, this year, than ever. The place swarms with 'em!" Old lady: "Well, Thomas, we'd bet ter put up a scarecrow." Serving man; "Lor' bless yer, mum! scare crows ain't o' no use. 'Blieve thay birds'd come just the same if I was to go and stand there myself!" The Men Who are Going to Do. This reminds me of some men who are always going to do great things, but never begin. I once had a neigh b6r and, in fact, may have some of the same sort now who was perpet ually telling what he was going to do, consequently never had time to do anything. He would get up early in the morning, draw on a heavy pair of boots, with pants tucked inside; then to see him start out for the barn, making everything fly right and left, one might suppose him to be one of the driving sort. So he was, for an hour, or less, or until called to break fast, after which he would light his pipe, stroll over to his nearest neigh bor, or hang over the fence and talk to every passerby, repeating the same old story of what he was going to do to-morrow, or next week. It is need less to say that my neighbor soon found that farming was a poor busi ness. I can call to mind a number of similar instances where the best of resolutions failed to bring success! It is well enough for a farmer to get up early and "storm about" a little in the morning; but if he lacks the "sticktoitiveness" all this bluster will not amount to much in the long run. Neat, cosy homes, good gardens, orchards and. other home comforts are never obtained by these going-to- do sort ol lolks. Jxural Aetc Yorker Rather Costly. It cost sixty mil lions of dollars under Democratic rule to run the Government. It costs one hundred and ninety-four millions of dollars to run the Government for a year. .This is exclusive of the in terest on the public debt. J ohnson's Kindling Wood. Ladies who have husbands who are negiectiui . in supplying them , with kindlings should carefully study the experience of a Division street sister. All her married life she hair, had an unbroken struggle with her husband to. keep herself supplied with wood;4 anid the gre'Ster part of the time has been obliged to depend upon; her own deftness with the axe",' and, anyone who has seen a woman bandle on axe knows what a'dread- f ul thing it is. Two months ago she begged of him - not .to go away with out leaving her -some kindlings." He said he wouldn't. But he finally did. Then she hit upon a plan. She had four dozen clothes pins. She took one dozen of them for starting the fire, and found they worked admira bly. The next day she used another dozen, and so she continued until the four dozen were gone. Then she went to the store- and purchased an other four dozen having them "put in the bill," When they were gone she repeated the errand. She said no more to him about kindlings. For ten years she had kept up the battle, and now she was tired and sick at heart. He could go his own way, and she would go hers patiently. uncomplainingly till the end Avould come. On Monday he signified at the store that he would like to settle his account. The bill was made out and handed him. He glanced down the items. As he advanced along the column his face began to work. Xirst his eyes slowly enlarged, then his mouth gradually opened, caused by the dropping of the lower jaw; and wrinkles formed upon his forehead. One third down the col umn he formed his lips as if to whis tle. Four lines below he did whis tle. Half way down he said: "Gra-cious!" A little further on he said: "Thunder!" Four more lines were taken in, and he spoke again: "By the Jumping Jupiter!" Then he read on, smiting his thigh vigorously, and giving vent to vari ous expressions of the liveliest na ture. Finally he threw the bill down. "I say, Benson, look there, this can't be my bill; you've got me mix ed up with some laundry!" "That's your bill," said the grocer, smiling pleasantly. "I tell you it can't be," persisted the Division street- man. "Wh here's fifty five dozen clothes pins in a two month's bill. What on earth do you take me for a four story laundry i "But it is your bill. Your wife can explain it to you. She ordered the pins." "My wife?" gasped the unfortun ate man. The debtor clutched the bill, jam med it in his pocket, and hurried straight home. He bolted into the house without any abatement of speed, and flinging the paper on the table before hi3 wife, knocked his hat on the back of his head and said: "Martha Ann Johnson, what does this mean ? There are fiftv-five dozen clothes pins in Benson's bill for the past two months, and he says you ordered every one of them." "And so I did, said she demurely. "WMi-a-t! Fifty-five dozen clothes i ai 1 1 pins in two montnsi lie nowieu. "H ill a just heaven stand this.' "I tell you you needn't stare at me in that way, Reuben Wheeler John- i i son, nor go to calling on to neaven with your impiousness. 1 ordered them clothes pins myself, and I've burnt every one of them in that there stove, just because yon were too all fired lazy to get a stick of wood. And I declare, before I'll be bothered jawing and fighting to get you to cut wood, I'll burn up every clothes pin in the land, and you shall pay for them, sir, if you have to sell the shirt on your back to do it. So now And Mrs. Johnson, with a face like scarlet, snatched up the broom and went to sweeping the carpet as if every flake of dust w&s a red hot coal, while the unhappy Mr. Johnson hastened to the store and paid the bill; and before dark that night he had half a cord of wood sawed, split and piled up ready for use. Dan bury News. The Most Ingenious People. The evening Star, of Washington, D. C, has inspected the tables show ing the number of patents issued by the United States to residents of the different States and Territories dur ing i874. These show that Connect icut, the land of steady habits and wooden nutmegs, leads all the other States and Territories, with reference to population, in the number of pat ents obtained, she receiving one for every 804 of her inhabitants. Next comes the District of Columbia, with one patent to every UU1 persons Next come in order Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Jersey, New York, Colorado and California. . The least inventive State, according to" the table, is Alabama. Such a Wonder. A Delaware 11 1-1 m -m m paDy, oniy tnree weeks old, lias a heavy growth of whiskers. If that beard could be seen upon the cheek of a Chicago infant it would furnish such' a wonder as the world ha3 seldom seen. A Fond Du Lac man watched a surgeon amputate another's frozen toe and then fainted away, and got half the whisky the doctor brought for the sick man. Speaking of becoming attire, what thing is most likely to: become a wo man? Why a little girl, of course. A granddaughter of Mr. Parley has beaten all the boys at Cambridge in moral science. - Somewhat Personal.- The notorious er-Gov. Moses, .of South Carolina,- lias" filed a petition? in bankrupcy. The schedule of his liabilities foot n 93,451 50; itf which are included State taxes in1 his hands, while his assets consist1; only of some real estate in which his interest is doubtful, and 31,200 worth1 of personal property, most of which is mortgaged.' It is; now1 stated that it is jL T purchase of the Grand Opera: House, t New York, " for a retail dry goods store', and riot Senator, Stewart, of Nevada. The terms of sale will bef 31,000,000. for the whole of that par cel of real' estate owned by the Erie Railway company, or 750,000 for the Grand Opera House alone. The completed arrangements for the centennial celebration at Con cord, Massachusetts, on April 19, include an address by Ralph Waldo EmersOn at the dedication of the statute, a poem by James Russel Lowel. a hymn by Henry W. Ltowey fellow and an oration by George W. Curtis. Judge E. Ri Hoar will be President of the day and General Francis C. Birlow will be Chief Marshall; The private school kept' by Mr. F. W. Gunn at Washington!- Connecti cut, and referred' to' so, often in the testimony of Mr. and Mrs. Ovingtonf in the Beech er trial as "the gunnery, is identical with that alluded to in Mi. J. G. Holland's novel of "Ar thur Bonnicastle," under the title of "The Bird's Nest." We are surprised to read a4 saf e ment to the effect that Gen. Burnside was once a tailor. The story proba bly had its origin in a misunder standing of a remark medd fo-'a sub altern officer just after the battle of Fredericksburg: "I'd give forty dol lars if I had never been anything but a tailor's goose." When a Beecher -woman places her" hat upon a stool in a millinery store, and another woman incontinently sits down upon it, the former frantic ally gathers up the wreck,-and ex claims: "That is a Tilton woman I know she is the nasty, malicious thing."- Neither side will call Bowen, be cause each side wants to cross-examine him. Each believes that this man's true value lies-iA' what can be got out of him against the oher side in short that he is worth more for his "cussedness" than for his good will. The friends of the Admiral Wins low are about to place over frfs grave at Mount Auburn a granite boulder weighing several tons, taken from the summit of Kearsarge mountains, in New Hampshire, surmounted by a granite shaft, emblematic of the ship and mountain he rendered famous. Western newspaper wags" are mak ing thrusts at General Tracy's argu ments. None of them, however, be lieve in the immortality 61 the soul, and all of them would rather sit around a hot stove and chew tobacco than join our Brooklyn Brotherhood of Saints, and go aloft to'" glory. Brooklyn Argus. A Sl,y Young- Lady. A Chicago paper says: A popular yonng lady of West Adams street, who has about forty young gentlemen on the roll of her personal friends, has entered into a speculation which promises to pay better than a grain "6orner" or a gambling hell, with all the city offi cials as silent partners. She bought the canvass for forty-Efcf pairs of slippers, all of a pattern,- leased out the making of forty pairS of them to an aged colored seamstress, and keeps the forty -ni st jair in the parlor where she can have them on hand when any one of her lovers call. Of course the young man asks for whom Bhe is working those pretty slippers; she smiles with that bewitching droop ing of the eyelids, which is one part modesty and two parts wink, "Ob, they're for a yourg gentleman friend of mine." Then the young infatuated youth goes off. and bays her a seal skin jacket, or a pair of ear-rings, or an easy chair for her Christmas pres ent. She will bestow upon each one of her adorers a pair of the slippers, worked by a colored seamstress and footed by a Dutch shoemaker with one eye, each one costing two dollars and sixty-five cents, while she esti mates that her presents net forty-five dollars to the adorer. The pair she . . . ... , is maiLiug will it) preseuieu lu u young dry goods clerk in Aurora, to whom she was secretly married last September. If all the two dozen lawyers in the Beecher-Tilton case expect to make as long speeches as tracy, and all of Beecher's witnesses are as long wind ed as Tilton's were, and the Judge then reviews the case and lays down the law in the same style, the case may be concluded sometime before the year 1900, but, unless the twelve jurors are endowed with superhuman powers of memory and ostrich like mental degestions, they will know less about the case at the conclusion than they did at the beginning. What a magnificent Chinese drama this trial would make. A Reyebexd ThtfJ. The Rev. Dr. Newman, Grant's Inspector of Consulates, has just returned home, after a tour around the world, with a salary of 10,000 a year, accompan ied by his wife, who, as his secretary, received $3,000 a year. As brother Newman's official services lack at least 13,000 of being worth a tinker's, dish to the government or to any body else, he ought to feel that he has been engaged m stealing tnai amount per annum; but the proba bility is that be won't. CxmrUr Journal.