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DEVOTED TO POLITICS, NEWS, LITERATURE, AMD THE BEST INTERESTS OF OREGON.-
YQL.
OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, APRIL 23, 1875.
NO., 26.-
THE ENTERPRISE.
A LOCAL DEMCCHATIC NEWSPAPER
FOR THE
Ftrmsr, Bnuntss Man, & Family Circle.
1S817BD EVBRY FRIDAY.
NOLTNER,
KDITbR AND PUBLISHER.
rriciit papzii fob clackamas co.
fiFFirtf-Hn Estkrpriw BulWinff, one
Jot outh of M -Milc Building, Mam St.
Term ft KulcrlptIon t
Mn-l Copv One Year. In Advance $2.50
" Six Months " l-50
Trrirn Advertising J
Transit' odvertUemerits, Including
"lliec.it notlwu. ' siuarc of twelve
lino one ivcek.. ? .".k,
For each subsequent Insertion. Jjg
Ono Column, one year M M
Hif , ;;;;; 40.00
&ViE Car. 1 ..nej-
. - " '
SOCIETY NOTICES.
KE(i()1 LOIHiB NO. 3, I. I. O. F.,
Meet evcrv Thursday
e viiin; at 7 ! oVloek, In the
odd Fellows Hall. Main
street. Members of the. Or
der are invited to attend. By order
"
ItKHKCCl imCUlili NO
3 I. (). O. Meets on the trs
day oveiims carh mouth, .r
at 7' o i-1.m:K, Hi uie v.ni'i
l-VHou-4' II dl. Membersof the Decree
,ir invited to attend.
MULTNOMAH LOUGH NO. I,.Y.L
ct A. M., Holds its regular com- A
iiiiiMit-itioiis on the First and V
T.iir-I Saturdays in each month,
nl 7 o'clock from thc'th of S.
timber to the mJJih of March ; and 7-
oVIo-.-k from the I'Oth of March to the
2-Jth of Srptemter. lirethren in good
Ntan lin;' aro invited to attend.
15y order of W. M.
IfAl.US liNCVMl'MKN T NO. 4,1. O.
O.K., Mets at Odd Fellows' J$
outhe First mid Third Tuos
div of evh month. Patriarchs vr
ia -fd wtandin are invited to attend.
CLli'K F.N CAM 11 UN 1' XO. 2, C.
U. Me-ts at O Id Fellows' Hall, in Ore
i: i Citv, Or-xn. n Monday evening, at
7 .Vlvk. M-Niibr of th.? order ,aro m
vit ! to wrfii'l. M. C. ATIIE , C.
J. .vl. liAC jv. It. X. maJTly
n v s i x H s .? c a it D .sr.
J. V. NOKliiS.
I'aVSll'l VX AX3 Sl'IttiEOX,
o a o x c i r r, o : yj o x.
ttfOTdK Ti-Slairs In OU:rman's r.rick.
Mam Strot t. . ausmi.
W. W. MO 11 ELAND,
2
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW;
OIIICUON CITY, OIIEBDX.
OKKICK Main Street, opposite the
Court llvaw.
t
ATTO RN $ Y-AT-L A W:
Q1E33N CITYl " - OHEGON.
"OFFICE Cl
loan's brick, Main st.
i 187:2 :tf.
JOHNSON & McCOWN
ITtmSYS AND COUNSELORS AT-LAW
Oregon City, Oregon.
fJVilI practice in all the Courts of the
tn U. S. Una uracn ni ircgon viij .
5arrlS72-tf.
L.T. pARIN
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
OREGON CITl,
OREGON.
OFFICE Over rpe' Tin Store, Main
treet. II 21mar73-tf.
Dr. S. PARKER,
LATE OF rOR"MD, OFFERS HIS
services as Ih. Ician and Surgeon to
the people of Clackamas county, who may
t any time be In n -ed of a physician. Ho
has op -ned an offlc at Ward A Harding's
Irug Store wlwre ho can be found at all
tims of the day when not engaged in pro
fessional calls. Residence, Main Street,
next door bt one above R. Caufield's store.
October 20, 1371. t tf
JOHN A. BACON,
aniIe
IMPORTER
ALER
in Books, StationerVJperfum-
ry, etc., etc.
Oregon City, Oregon.
"At Oharman A Warner's old stand,
tely occupied by S. Ackeman, Main st.
OREGON CITY BREWERY.
Henry Humbel,
H
AVIX PiTTir-M a-
f the above Brew- S
'ry wishes lo Intern thn r.iibllc that he is
now prepared to manufacture a No. 1 dual
ity of
T.AOBR BURR,
fi? PWV' as can bo obtained anywhere in
,? 7tate. Orders solicited and promptly
nited.
OYSTER SALOON
REST AUR A. MT !
LOUIS SAAL, Proprietor.
Mln Street, - - - - Oregon City.
rVYSTERS WILL, HE SERVED FROM
. nd thls dat' during the Winter
eaon. The best qualities of
FRENCH d AMERICAN CANDIES.
Ice for sale in quantities to suit.
A Representative and Champion of Amer-
irnn 4rt Tnstpl
Prospectus for 1875 EigJdlt Year.
THE ijLDIiYE,
THE ART JOCR.VVL OF AMERICA,
Issued Monthly.
" A Magnificent Conception, Wonderfully
carried out."
The necessity of a popular medium for
the representation of the productions of
our preat artists, has always been recog
nized, and many attempts have been
made to meet the want. The successive
failures which so Invariable followed each
attempt in this country to establish an
art journal, did not prove the indifference
of the American people to the claims of
higrh art. So soon as a proper appreciation
of the want and an ability to meet It were
shown, the pnblic at onco ralied with en
thusiasm to its support, and the result was
a preat artistic and commercial triumph
THE ALDIXE.
THEALDIXE, wnile issued with all the
regularity, has none of the temporary or
timely interest characteristic of ordinary
periodicals. It Is an elegant miscellany of
pure, light, and graceful literature; and a
collection of pictures, the rarest specimens
of artistic skill. In black and white. Al
though each succeeding number affords a
fresh pleasure to'its friends, the real value
and beauty of TheAidine will be most ap
preciated after it is bound up at the close
of the year. While other publications
may claim superior cheapness, ns compar
ed with rivals of a similar class, The Aldine
is an unique and original conception
alone and unapproached absolutely with
out competition in price or character. The
possessor of a complete volume could not
duplicate the quantity of line paper and
engravings in any other shape or number
of volumes for ten times its cost ; and then
there is the chromo besides!
PREMIUM FOT?, 1875.
Every subscriber for 1875 will receive a
beautiful portrait, In oil colors, of the same
noble dog whose picture In a former issue
attracted so much attcntisn.
" .Han's I'nsi'Ifish Friend''
will bo welcome in every homo. Every
body loves such a dog, and the portrait is
executed so true to the liff. that it seems
the veritable presence of the nnimal itself.
The Kov. T. lo Wit Tannage tells that his
own New Koundland dog (the finest in
Brooklyn) barks at it ! and though so nat
ural, no one who sees this premium chro
mo will have the slightest fear of being
bitten.
Besides tho chromo, every advance sub
scriber to The Aldine for 1875 is constituted
a member, and entitled to all the privil-
;es or
THE ALDINE ART UNION.
The Union owns the originals of all the
Airline pictures, which, with other paint
ings and engravings, are to be distributed
iniongthe members. To every scries of
hk) subscribers, 100 diftVrent pieces, valu-
d at over $2,500. are to be distributed as
soon as the series is full, and the awards
of each series as made, are to be published
n the next succeeding issue of The Aidxne.
This feature applies only to subscribers
who pay lor one year in advance. Full
particulars in circular sent on application
enclosing a stamp.
TERMS.
Our Suhsrriptioii, eitUlin;x to THE
illjDIJN K oii year, the l liromo
uitd the Art Viiiuit,
SG per Annum, in Advance.
(Xo charge for postage.)
Specimen copies of THE ALUIXE, 50c.
CANVASSERS WANTED.
Any person wishing to act permanently
as a local canvasser will receive full and
promt information by applying to
THE ALDINE COMPANY,
5 M.UDISN I, AXIS, XKW VO!!.
D
n
Y
n
LOTH!
I
o
o
T
I now offi"r this stock of Goods
at Prices far below any other
house in the State.
Times are hard and money
scarce and I will give every one
the worth of their money.
I also keep a full assortment
of
OREGON CITY MADE
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A
D
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Men ntl Hoys'
C lot III ii (r,
I'lidenvca r.
Flu ii no lx,
lla tiUet.
And Yarn .
ALSO
Groceries,
Cutlery,
Jewt-lr)-,
Notions,
3Iuirl
IiiMtriiments,
Toys,
Etc.,
AT THE
Lowest Prices
For CSBL
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S
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B
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s
AT.
oct!6tf
OREGON STEAMSHIP GO.'S
STEAMBOAT NOTICE !
2.
Sti E. TST. COOKE,
Will leave OREGON CITY for PORTLAND
everv day Except Sunday,! at 7J$ o'clock,
A. M. Returning, will leave Portland for
Oregon City at 2 o'clock, P. M.
Str. ALICE,
Will leave OREGON CITY for CORVALLIS
every Monday and Thursday of each week.
Sti DAYTON,
Will leave OREGON CITY for McMINN
VILLE, LAFAYETTE and PaYTON, and
all points between, every Monday, Wed
nesday and Friday of each week. Ieaves
the Basin at 8 o'clock, a. m., and connect
with the train at Canemah at 9, A. si.
Sti ALBANY,
Leaves OREGON CITY for IIARRISBURG
and EUGEXE and all intermediate points
every
week.
Sti. EniTiiie IPatton,
Leaves OREGON CITY for ALBANY and
all intermediate points between twice ev
ery week. J. D. BILES, Agent,
Oregon City.February, 141. 874.
DR. JOHN WELCH
DENTIST,
OFFICE IX
OREGON CITY, OREGON.
Highest Ch Price Paid for County
Order. FORJSALE.
THE UNDERSIGNED OFFERS HH
premises, in Oswego, for sale at a bar
gain, for cash. There is a fine dwelling
and out buildings, -orchard and. aboot thrne
acres of land. Finely situated for a board'
irig house for the h'aads employed In. the
Iroji Works. W? CAINS
Oswego, Sept. 10, 1874. 3w
A.LEVYS.
Hiram Jenkins' Mistake.
BY CHARLES E. HCED,
Hiram Jenkins drove slowly up
the road that led to the farm house
of Deacon Bates. It was plain even
to the casual observer-that the er
rand he was bound upon was of no
common importance. No man would
have arrayed himself so gorgeously,
simply for the purchase of a tub of
fall butter or a yoke of steers. His
hair was in a state of distressing
smoothness, and seemed almost a
part of the glossy hat which covered
it. His coat and pantaloons were
marvels in their way, and his boots
which had been elaborately blacked,
reflected the rays of the setting sun
in a manner perfectly blinding to
the beholder. And yet notwith
standing his superiority in all these
respects to the lilies of "the field there
was apparent in his actions a singu
lar sort of nervousness, a trepidity
almost, which rendered his appear
ance ridiculous and awkward. This
trepidation was in no wise lessen
ed by the sudden vision of a red
headed urchin watching him from
the barn door, and who, as the team
approached, with an ever widening
grin, sped off in the direction of the
farm house and disappeared through
the kitchen door. Hirain was con
scious a minute afterwards of being
the target for a dozen pair of eyes
from the sitting room windows, and
it required extraordinary strength
of mind on his part to drive past the
house to the shed where the horses
of all visitors were hitched. There
are few more awkward things to do
than to get in or out of a carriage
when women are watchincr. and
though Hiram
thought of the
had probably never
fact before ho fully
truth, as, endeavor
experienced its
ing to spring genteelly from the bug
gy, his foot slipped on the wheel and
he came down on his hands and
knees in the dirt. His remarks as
he scrambled to his feet were confin
ed to one word, but that, though
short, was the most expressive one in
the English language.
" I'll have to go around to the barn
pump and wash my hands before I
can go in," ho said to himself. "I
suppose thev are having their fun
out of me in the house now. Con
found it, I wish I hadn't started!"
As he passed the door of the horse
barn, which was partly open, he
heard the sound of voices. lie lis
tened, and his heart sank as he rec
ognized the tones of his rival, Elna
than Ilogcrs.
"I want her bad," he was saying.
" She just suits me. You can't al
ways have her, you know, and you'd
better call the thing settled."
" I don't know about that," an
swered the deacon doubtfully. "I've
always said, come' what would, I
wouldn't part with Jennv. But you
hang on so I don't know "
nay it's a bargain, deacon,
thought it over a good while
I've
and
her
Jenny I must have. I'll treat
well, you may be sure of that."
The deacon hesitated, blew
liis
nose, and finally said:
" She's crot some little tricks
that
nobodv knows anvthing about
but
me, and I don't want to impose upon
a neighbor."
" Oh, pshaw! that's only an excuse
of yours, deacon. I'm willing to
risk it."
" She kicked me in the stomach
last winter, and bit little Sammy not
mor'n six weeks ago. I can show
you the scar now."
' Great King!" thought Hiram,
"and I was going to pop the ques
tion this very night. Who ever
would have though it!"'
"I'll take that out of her," said
Elnathan, continuing the conversa
tion. " If she so much as lifts a
foot to me, I'll give her a lick
in' that'l last her a month."
" Lick!" ejaculated Hiram to him
self, astonished beyond measure.
" Lick Jenny Bates! Well, this goes
ahead of anything I ever heard of.
And the old man doesn't say a word!
What next?"
A long pause ensued, which was at
last broken by the deacon:
" Well, if you must have her, you
must. I expect the old lady'll want
something to say about it though.
She thinks as much of Jenny as I do.
Won't you come into the house?"
" Not now. I've got to go down
to the village before dark. I'll be
round sometime to-morrow.
Hiram Jenkins waited until he saw
his successful rival climb the fence
between the two farms. When he
deliberately unhitched his horse, got
into his wagon and drove off, never
casting a look toward the window
where the fair Jenny sat in watchful
expectation. Not until he reached
his own door did he draw a long
breath.
" It seems just like a dream," said
he to himself, as he slowly unbuck
led the harness. " To think of Jen
ny Bates kicking her own father and
biting her own brother, and she look
ing as though butter wouldn't melt
in her mouth! It's just as mean
though in the deacon to lick as 'tis
for her to kick. The old hypocrite.
Well, I must say, I'm mightily de
ceived in the Bateses. 1 s'pose El
nathan Rogers feels ranky enough
now he's got her. I just hppe that
she'll kick his head off. Lucky for
mo that I overhead what little I did."
Notwithstanding this self gratula
tion, Hiram felt all the pangs of jeal
ously and disappointment. He had
not only lost his "girl," but he had
been cut out in the most mortifying
manner by a man heheld in thorough
contempt. He felt that even with
what he now knew of Jenny's faults,
if he could gain her hand he would
carry her off in spite of his rival or
the deacon either.
A week passed by, and Jenny was
never out of bii thoughts. , One day
he went to tha village,, aadf.vbile
there, standing in front of the post
office, Elnathan Rogers drove up
with the deacon's mare.
I s'pose now he's got Jenny, he
thinks he's got a right to the whole
property," muttered Hiram. " I
wish to gracious the old mare would
put her f eet through the dashboard.".
That night the singing school met
at the Academy. Hiram came , late.
He used to sit with the tenors jnst
behind Jenny Bates. Now he chose
a different seat and tried bard to
sing bass. He could not, however,
help seeing Elnathan Rogers pass
peppermint lozengers to Jenny, and
also write something onthe blank
leaf of her singing-book, which,, bhe
read and answered.
" Of course he'll go home with her
to-night," muttered Hiram. "It'll
be the first time I've missed it for
a year. He's welcome though."
All intermission he kept his seat
and pretended to be very busy look
ing for some tune in the singing
book that refused to be found. Jen
ny did not look at him.
The doxology closed the school at
last, and there was a grand bustling
about the door, and an eager pushing
among the young men to make sure
of their favorites. Hiram was trying
to make his way through the crowd,
when he found himself at the elbow
of Jenny Bates, and the same mo
moment the hateful voice of Elna
than Rogers was heard in these
words:
" Shall I see you home to-night,
Miss Bates?"
"No, sir," was the prompt answer.
" I shall walk home alone."
Hiram was totally unjrepared for
this.
" Perhaps it's one of her fits,' he
said to himself. "The deacon- said
she had 'em; that nobody knew but
himself. I'm mighty glad she mit
tened him though."
The word mitten reminded Hiram
that he had left both on his seat in
the school-room, and he stepped
back just a3 the candles were being
put out.
"Hero's Jenny Bates' singing
book," he heard one boy say to an
other. "She went off in such a
hurry to-night she forgot it."
Give it to me," said Hiram, who
remembered what had taken place
that evening, and with eager look
sought out the written messages that
had passed between Jenny and his
rival. They were as follows:
"Tell your father he cheated me
when I bought old Jenny. I thought
by her name she must be good for
something, she kicks and bites ten
times worse than he ever told me. I
wish now I had spoken for the Jenny
in the house instead of the one in
the barn."
And the answer:
" I guess the horse is as good as
you deserve. As for your choosing
betwixt the t.vo you mention, you
won't be able to do that this year.
You have got the only Jenny you
can ever get from my father."
A new light broke in upon Hiram.
" Well of all the infernal fools I
ever heard of I am the biprgest. A
dog would have had more sense
It's not too lute now, thank heaven.'
fry it . - . -m
xne aeparting crowd started as
Hiram with the singing-book in his
hand, rushed down the stairs, two
steps at a time, and up the road
which led to Deacon Bates'. If he
was not too lato he was nearly so, for
J enuy had just opened the crate of
the front yard.
"Stop, Jenny!" he exclaimed,
panting lor breath. " Here s your
singing-book. lou left it on your
seat, i tried to overtake you.
" You needn't to have taken the
trouble, Mr. Jenkins; I guess no one
would have stolen it. said Jennv
with a great display of dignity and
making a show of going into the
house.
"JJont Jenny! Wait wait just a
minute, j. Know i vc acted like a
big fool; but just let me explain to
you."
Jenny hesitated a moment, made
another start toward the door, then
turned and went back to the gate
where the discomfited Hiram stood
waiting. ...
ell, she said in as freezing a
tone as she could command.
" Now don't look and talk that way
deuny xates. ion Know 1 never
would have acted as I have if
ii au n l inougni x uad good reasons
for it. I thought you were going
to marry Jtidnatnan itogers.
" What business had you to think
any such thing?" asked Jenny, firing
up. " A. pretty explanation that is!'
and again she turned away from the
gate.
"Stop! Let me tell you. Can'!
you listen a minute?" said Hiram in
desperation. He felt that there was
no other way than to make a clean
breast of it, and plunged into his
story at once. Word for word he re
lated the conversation he had heard
in the horse barn, and the effect it
had upon him. He was deeply in
earnest, and in closing, humbly ap
pealed for forgiveness. He saw her
tremble and put her hands to her
face. Poor girl, she pitied him
His heart rose and his hand was up
on the gate to open it, when a pea
of laughter, louder and longer from
beiner so lone rent up. rang out up
on the night air, almost startling
Hiram out of his boots, and waking
the deacon and his wife from a sound
sleep in the upper front bed-room.
Up went the window and a night-
capped head was thrnst out, with
demand as to what was the matter
Still Jenny laughed, while Hiram
stood silent by the gate, angry and
ashamed, not knowing whether to
advance or go back. At last Jenny
found her voice.
" Go home. Hiram " Jenkins " she
said, "say your prayers and go
to
sleep, and if you want to say any
thing more to me. come ur to-mor
row. evening after supper. But mind
don't Vou cro listenmcr at anv." horse
i barns on vour wav home:" and she
f .
COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY,
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA,
-DTTRtrrT TTY C AT.TFORNIA-
went off in another peal of laughter.
Hiram did not wait to say good
night. Whether he slept or said
his prayers that night, is not record
ed, but it is a fact that eight o'clock
the next evening found him in Dea
con Bates' parlor. ' The interview
was a long and probably an interest
ing one, and its immediate result
was, that before Thanksgiving, the
deacon had neither a Jenny in the
house nor in the stable.
" That was years ago, and Hiram
has since done the town some service
as select-man, and is likewise a dig
nified justice of the peace.
Miscellaneous.
People who argue that fires in
sleeping rooms are unhealthy, gener
ally speak more freely on the subject
in the summer time.
It is probably true that an honest
man is the noblest work of God, but
it looks very much as if the model
had been lost, and most of the latest
works arc very bad imitations, .
A wealthy Philadelphian who died
recently stipulated in his will that
us nearest relative should assassin
ate the obituary editor of the daily
ljedqer if he made any political re
marks on the subject.
A Kansas family has lived four
days on dried apples and snow. A
down easter with such chances would
have crawled out from under the
drifts with eleven patents for making
dried apple ice-cream.
Among the articles in a box of do
nations lately sent to Kansas was a
tract entitled "The Wickedness of
Gluttony." It must have been rath
er aggravating, unless, indeed, it was
intended for the grasshoppers.
"Sam, if you were out in a boat and
she was about to go down, what
would you do ?" "I'd Beech (h) er to
ieep her from Iilton.
A Spring street boy, who had eat
en eight or ten green oranges, leaned
across a chair and howled with pain.
His was an attack of "true inward
ness," if there ever was one, for his
inwards were in an awful shape.
The Indianapolis Journal remarks
that "it takes a mighty sight of peo
ple to keep the truth from coming
out." So it does; but it looks a good
deal like attempting to cure a man of
dropsy by coopering him with a hoop
skirt.
lhe Cincinnati inquirer tells ot a
woman there who has triplets, and of
another who has three pair of twins.
Thev disagree as to which of them
holds the best hand. Schenck says
three of a kind beats two pairs, but
he don't say how many of a kind it
takes to beat three pairs.
It
is common in Milwaukee to see
a street, car truagmg aiong siowiy,
and it is also common to see a man
come tumbling out of the back door
over the railing and into the mud,
while the conductor stands on the
matform and ejaculates: "l'ay your
fare with horn buttons will ye! .
A Pleasant Prospect. Traveler, in
Ireland: "Hi pull her Tip, man!
Don't you see the mare is running
away? Driver: "Hould tight, yer
. a . 1 . 1
Onor! l or yer lifo don t touch tne
reins! sure they're as rotten as pears!
I'll turn her into the river at the
bridge below here! That will stop
her, the blagyard!"
Mrs. Wm. Pluntz, of Albany, sep
arated from her husband after only
two weeks" of wedlock, because he
snored no loud that she could not
sleep. Her plea before the court was
"cruelty to the sex." .The court
could not hell) her out of her trou
ble, but she finally prevailed upon
her husband to give her $100 and re
lease her and she went her way.
Plain Serving-man: "What with
these 'ere new laws, mum, the birds
is more troublesome, this year, than
ever. The place swarms with 'em!"
Old lady: "Well, Thomas, we'd bet
ter put up a scarecrow." Serving
man; "Lor' bless yer, mum! scare
crows ain't o' no use. 'Blieve thay
birds'd come just the same if I was
to go and stand there myself!"
The Men Who are Going to Do.
This reminds me of some men who
are always going to do great things,
but never begin. I once had a neigh
b6r and, in fact, may have some of
the same sort now who was perpet
ually telling what he was going to
do, consequently never had time to
do anything. He would get up early
in the morning, draw on a heavy pair
of boots, with pants tucked inside;
then to see him start out for the barn,
making everything fly right and left,
one might suppose him to be one of
the driving sort. So he was, for an
hour, or less, or until called to break
fast, after which he would light his
pipe, stroll over to his nearest neigh
bor, or hang over the fence and talk
to every passerby, repeating the same
old story of what he was going to do
to-morrow, or next week. It is need
less to say that my neighbor soon
found that farming was a poor busi
ness. I can call to mind a number of
similar instances where the best of
resolutions failed to bring success!
It is well enough for a farmer to get
up early and "storm about" a little
in the morning; but if he lacks the
"sticktoitiveness" all this bluster will
not amount to much in the long run.
Neat, cosy homes, good gardens,
orchards and. other home comforts
are never obtained by these going-to-
do sort ol lolks. Jxural Aetc Yorker
Rather Costly. It cost sixty mil
lions of dollars under Democratic
rule to run the Government. It costs
one hundred and ninety-four millions
of dollars to run the Government for
a year. .This is exclusive of the in
terest on the public debt.
J ohnson's Kindling Wood.
Ladies who have husbands who
are negiectiui . in supplying them ,
with kindlings should carefully study
the experience of a Division street
sister. All her married life she hair,
had an unbroken struggle with her
husband to. keep herself supplied
with wood;4 anid the gre'Ster part of
the time has been obliged to depend
upon; her own deftness with the axe",'
and, anyone who has seen a woman
bandle on axe knows what a'dread-
f ul thing it is. Two months ago she
begged of him - not .to go away with
out leaving her -some kindlings." He
said he wouldn't. But he finally did.
Then she hit upon a plan. She had
four dozen clothes pins. She took
one dozen of them for starting the
fire, and found they worked admira
bly. The next day she used another
dozen, and so she continued until
the four dozen were gone. Then she
went to the store- and purchased an
other four dozen having them "put
in the bill," When they were gone
she repeated the errand. She said
no more to him about kindlings. For
ten years she had kept up the battle,
and now she was tired and sick at
heart. He could go his own way,
and she would go hers patiently.
uncomplainingly till the end Avould
come.
On Monday he signified at the
store that he would like to settle his
account. The bill was made out and
handed him. He glanced down the
items. As he advanced along the
column his face began to work.
Xirst his eyes slowly enlarged,
then his mouth gradually opened,
caused by the dropping of the lower
jaw; and wrinkles formed upon his
forehead. One third down the col
umn he formed his lips as if to whis
tle. Four lines below he did whis
tle. Half way down he said:
"Gra-cious!"
A little further on he said:
"Thunder!"
Four more lines were taken in, and
he spoke again:
"By the Jumping Jupiter!"
Then he read on, smiting his thigh
vigorously, and giving vent to vari
ous expressions of the liveliest na
ture. Finally he threw the bill down.
"I say, Benson, look there, this
can't be my bill; you've got me mix
ed up with some laundry!"
"That's your bill," said the grocer,
smiling pleasantly.
"I tell you it can't be," persisted
the Division street- man. "Wh
here's fifty five dozen clothes pins in
a two month's bill. What on earth
do you take me for a four story
laundry i
"But it is your bill. Your wife
can explain it to you. She ordered
the pins."
"My wife?" gasped the unfortun
ate man.
The debtor clutched the bill, jam
med it in his pocket, and hurried
straight home. He bolted into the
house without any abatement of
speed, and flinging the paper on the
table before hi3 wife, knocked his
hat on the back of his head and said:
"Martha Ann Johnson, what does
this mean ? There are fiftv-five dozen
clothes pins in Benson's bill for the
past two months, and he says you
ordered every one of them."
"And so I did, said she demurely.
"WMi-a-t! Fifty-five dozen clothes
i ai 1 1
pins in two montnsi lie nowieu.
"H ill a just heaven stand this.'
"I tell you you needn't stare at me
in that way, Reuben Wheeler John-
i i
son, nor go to calling on to neaven
with your impiousness. 1 ordered
them clothes pins myself, and I've
burnt every one of them in that there
stove, just because yon were too all
fired lazy to get a stick of wood.
And I declare, before I'll be bothered
jawing and fighting to get you to cut
wood, I'll burn up every clothes pin
in the land, and you shall pay for
them, sir, if you have to sell the
shirt on your back to do it. So
now
And Mrs. Johnson, with a face
like scarlet, snatched up the broom
and went to sweeping the carpet as
if every flake of dust w&s a red hot
coal, while the unhappy Mr. Johnson
hastened to the store and paid the
bill; and before dark that night he
had half a cord of wood sawed, split
and piled up ready for use. Dan
bury News.
The Most Ingenious People.
The evening Star, of Washington,
D. C, has inspected the tables show
ing the number of patents issued by
the United States to residents of the
different States and Territories dur
ing i874. These show that Connect
icut, the land of steady habits and
wooden nutmegs, leads all the other
States and Territories, with reference
to population, in the number of pat
ents obtained, she receiving one for
every 804 of her inhabitants. Next
comes the District of Columbia, with
one patent to every UU1 persons
Next come in order Massachusetts,
Rhode Island, New Jersey, New
York, Colorado and California. . The
least inventive State, according to"
the table, is Alabama.
Such a Wonder. A Delaware
11 1-1 m -m m
paDy, oniy tnree weeks old, lias a
heavy growth of whiskers. If that
beard could be seen upon the cheek
of a Chicago infant it would furnish
such' a wonder as the world ha3
seldom seen.
A Fond Du Lac man watched a
surgeon amputate another's frozen
toe and then fainted away, and got
half the whisky the doctor brought
for the sick man.
Speaking of becoming attire, what
thing is most likely to: become a wo
man? Why a little girl, of course.
A granddaughter of Mr. Parley
has beaten all the boys at Cambridge
in moral science. -
Somewhat Personal.-
The notorious er-Gov. Moses, .of
South Carolina,- lias" filed a petition?
in bankrupcy. The schedule of his
liabilities foot n 93,451 50; itf
which are included State taxes in1
his hands, while his assets consist1;
only of some real estate in which his
interest is doubtful, and 31,200 worth1
of personal property, most of which
is mortgaged.'
It is; now1 stated that it is jL T
purchase of the Grand Opera: House, t
New York, " for a retail dry goods
store', and riot Senator, Stewart, of
Nevada. The terms of sale will bef
31,000,000. for the whole of that par
cel of real' estate owned by the Erie
Railway company, or 750,000 for
the Grand Opera House alone.
The completed arrangements for
the centennial celebration at Con
cord, Massachusetts, on April 19,
include an address by Ralph Waldo
EmersOn at the dedication of the
statute, a poem by James Russel
Lowel. a hymn by Henry W. Ltowey
fellow and an oration by George W.
Curtis. Judge E. Ri Hoar will be
President of the day and General
Francis C. Birlow will be Chief
Marshall;
The private school kept' by Mr. F.
W. Gunn at Washington!- Connecti
cut, and referred' to' so, often in the
testimony of Mr. and Mrs. Ovingtonf
in the Beech er trial as "the gunnery,
is identical with that alluded to in
Mi. J. G. Holland's novel of "Ar
thur Bonnicastle," under the title of
"The Bird's Nest."
We are surprised to read a4 saf e
ment to the effect that Gen. Burnside
was once a tailor. The story proba
bly had its origin in a misunder
standing of a remark medd fo-'a sub
altern officer just after the battle of
Fredericksburg: "I'd give forty dol
lars if I had never been anything but
a tailor's goose."
When a Beecher -woman places her"
hat upon a stool in a millinery store,
and another woman incontinently
sits down upon it, the former frantic
ally gathers up the wreck,-and ex
claims: "That is a Tilton woman I
know she is the nasty, malicious
thing."-
Neither side will call Bowen, be
cause each side wants to cross-examine
him. Each believes that this
man's true value lies-iA' what can be
got out of him against the oher side
in short that he is worth more for
his "cussedness" than for his good
will.
The friends of the Admiral Wins
low are about to place over frfs grave
at Mount Auburn a granite boulder
weighing several tons, taken from
the summit of Kearsarge mountains,
in New Hampshire, surmounted by a
granite shaft, emblematic of the ship
and mountain he rendered famous.
Western newspaper wags" are mak
ing thrusts at General Tracy's argu
ments. None of them, however, be
lieve in the immortality 61 the soul,
and all of them would rather sit
around a hot stove and chew tobacco
than join our Brooklyn Brotherhood
of Saints, and go aloft to'" glory.
Brooklyn Argus.
A Sl,y Young- Lady. A Chicago
paper says: A popular yonng lady
of West Adams street, who has about
forty young gentlemen on the roll of
her personal friends, has entered into
a speculation which promises to pay
better than a grain "6orner" or a
gambling hell, with all the city offi
cials as silent partners. She bought
the canvass for forty-Efcf pairs of
slippers, all of a pattern,- leased out
the making of forty pairS of them to
an aged colored seamstress, and keeps
the forty -ni st jair in the parlor where
she can have them on hand when
any one of her lovers call. Of course
the young man asks for whom Bhe is
working those pretty slippers; she
smiles with that bewitching droop
ing of the eyelids, which is one part
modesty and two parts wink, "Ob,
they're for a yourg gentleman friend
of mine." Then the young infatuated
youth goes off. and bays her a seal
skin jacket, or a pair of ear-rings, or
an easy chair for her Christmas pres
ent. She will bestow upon each one
of her adorers a pair of the slippers,
worked by a colored seamstress and
footed by a Dutch shoemaker with
one eye, each one costing two dollars
and sixty-five cents, while she esti
mates that her presents net forty-five
dollars to the adorer. The pair she
. . . ... ,
is maiLiug will it) preseuieu lu u
young dry goods clerk in Aurora, to
whom she was secretly married last
September.
If all the two dozen lawyers in the
Beecher-Tilton case expect to make as
long speeches as tracy, and all of
Beecher's witnesses are as long wind
ed as Tilton's were, and the Judge
then reviews the case and lays down
the law in the same style, the case
may be concluded sometime before
the year 1900, but, unless the twelve
jurors are endowed with superhuman
powers of memory and ostrich like
mental degestions, they will know
less about the case at the conclusion
than they did at the beginning.
What a magnificent Chinese drama
this trial would make.
A Reyebexd ThtfJ. The Rev.
Dr. Newman, Grant's Inspector of
Consulates, has just returned home,
after a tour around the world, with
a salary of 10,000 a year, accompan
ied by his wife, who, as his secretary,
received $3,000 a year. As brother
Newman's official services lack at
least 13,000 of being worth a tinker's,
dish to the government or to any
body else, he ought to feel that he
has been engaged m stealing tnai
amount per annum; but the proba
bility is that be won't. CxmrUr
Journal.