Heppner gazette., January 13, 1910, Image 6

X
The ffcdemptiot?
By CHARLES FREDERIC QOSS
CepjrlKht, lWOk by The Bowen-MerrlU Company.
All Rlg-hti RewrTrd
CHAPTER XVI. (Continued.)
With a swift, instinctive movement
both of them turned away. Each read
In the other's face consciousness of
the impossibility of discussing those
experiences through which they had
come to be what they were. Such men
guard the real history of their lives
and the real emotions of their hearts
. as jealously as the combinations of
their cards. The old, Ironical smile
lighted up Mantel's features, and he
said:
"We seem to have a violent antipa
thy to thin ice, Davy, and skate away
from It as soon as It begins to crack a
little beneath our feet."
"Yes," said his friend, shrugging his
shoulders, "It is not pleasant to fall
through the crust of friendship. There
Is a sub-element In every life a too
audden plunge into which might result
' In a fatal chill. We had all better
keep on the surface. I am frank enough
to say that the less any one knows
about my past, the better I shall be
satisfied."
"I wish that I could keep my own
eelf from Invading that realm as eas
ily as I can keep others! Why Is it
that no man has ever yet been able to
let the dead past bury Its dead'? It
seems a reasonable demand."
"He is a poor sexton this old man,
the Past. I have watched him at his
work, and he is powerless to dig his
own grave, however many others he
may have excavated!"
"The Present seems as helpless at
the Past I wonder If the future will
heap enough new events over old ones
to hide them from view?"
"Let a shadow bury the sun! Let a
wave bury the sea," answered David,
bitterly.
Mandel dropped his eyes In silence.
For the first time since David had
known him, his fine face gave some
genuine revelation of the emotions of
his soul. Great tears gathered in his
eyes, and his Hps trembled. In a mo
ment, he arose, took his hat, laid his
hand gently upon the arm of his
friend, and said, "David, my dear fel
low, we are skating on that thin tee
again. We shall fall through If - are
not careful, and get that chill you
were talking about Let's go out and
take a walk. Life is too deep for either
you or me to fathom. I gave It up as
a bad Job long ago. Come, let us go.
Vfe need the air."
They went down Into the streets and
lost themselves in the busy crowd of
care-encumbered men. Suddenly Man
tel was startled by an abrupt change
in the manner of his companion, who
paused and stood as if rooted to the
pavement, while his great blue eyes
opened beyond their natural width
with a fixed stare.
Following the direction of their gaze
Mantel saw that they were fixed on a
blind beggar who sat on a stool at
the edge of the sidewalk, silent and
motionless like an old snag on the
bank of a river the perpetual stream
of human life forever flowing by. His
head was bare; In his outstretched
hand he held a tin cup which Jingled
now and then as some compassionate
traveler dropped him a coin; by his
side, looking up occasionally into hi
unresponsive eyes, was a little terrier.
his solitary companion and guide in a
world of perpetual night.
The face of the man was a remark
able one, Judged by almost any stand
ard. It was large in size, stronsr In
outline, and although he was a beg
ga.r, it wore an expression of power,
'Of Independence and resolution like
that of another Belisarius. But the
feature which first arrested and Iong--est
held attention, was an enormous
moustache. It could not have been
less than fourteen inches from tip to
tip. was carefully trimmed and train
ed, and although the man himself was
still comparatively young, was -white
as snow. Occasionally he set his cup
on his knee and with both hands twist
ed the ends Into heavy ropes.
It was a striking face and exacted
from every observer more than a pass
ing look; but remarkable as it was,
Mantel could not discover any reason
for the strained and terrible Interest
of his companion, who stood staring so
long and In such a noticeable way,
that he was in danger of himself at
tracting the attention of the curious
crowd.
Seeing this. Mantel took him by the
arm. "What is the matter?" he asked.
"It is he!" cried David, drawing his
hand over his eyes like a man awak
ening from a dream; "It is he!"
"It Is who? Are you mad? Come
away! People are observing you. If
there is anything wrong, we must
move or get Into trouble."
"Let me alone!" David replied, shak
ing oft his hand. "I would rather die
than lose sight of that man."
"Then come Into this doorway where
you can watch him unobserved, for you
are making a spectacle of yourself.
Come, or I shall drag you."
With his eyes still riveted on that
strange countenance, David yielded to
the pressure of his friend's hand and
they retired to a hallway whence he
could watch the beggar unobserved.
His whole frame was quivering with
excitement and he kept murmuring to
himself; "It is he. It is he' I cannot
be mlsuxen! Nature never made his
double! But how he has changed!
How old and white he Is! It cannot
be his ghost, can it? If it were night
I might think so, but it Is broad day
light! This man Is living flesh and
blood and my hand is not, aft-r all,
the hand of a mur "
"Bush!" cried Mantel; "you arc
talking aloud!"
"Yes, I am talking aloud." he an
swered, "and I mean to talk louder
yet! I want you to hear that I am hot
a murderer, a murderer! Do you un
derstand? I am going to rush out In
to the streets to cry out at the top of
my voice I am not a murderer!
Terrified at his violence. Mantel
pushed him farther back Into the door
waly; but he sprang out again as if
his very life depended upon the sight
of the great white face.
"Be quiet!" Mantel cried, seizins his
arm with an Iron grip.
"Look at this hand, Mantel! I have
not looked at It myself for more than
three years without seeing spots of
blood on ltl And now it looks as white
as snow to me!"
"You are In danger of being over
heard, and If you are not careful. In a
moment more we shall be In the hands
of the police!"
No matter If I am," cried David,
almost beside himself, and rapturously
embracing his friend. "Nothing could
give me more pleasure than a trial for
my crime, for my victim would be my
witness! He Is not dead. He Is out
there In the street. Mantel, you don't
know what happiness it!' You don't
know how sweet it is to be alive! A
mountain has been taken from my
shoulders. I no longer have any se
cret! I will tell you the whole story
of my life, now."
"Not now; but later on, when we are
alone."
David had now grown more quiet
and they stood patiently waiting for
the time to come when the old beggar
should leave his post and retire to his
home, If home he had. At last he re
ceived his signal for departure. A
shadow fell from the roof of the tall
building opposite, upon the pupil of an
eye, which perhaps felt the darkness It
could not see. The building was his
dial. Like millions of his fellow crea
tures, he measured life by advancing
shadows.
He arose, and In his mien and move
ments there was a certain majesty.
Placing his hat upon his storm-beaten
head, he folded the camp-chair under
his arm, took the leading string In his
hand and followed the little dog, who
began picking his way with fine care
through the surging crowd.
Behind him at a little distance walk
ed the two gamblers, pursuing him
like a double shadow. A bloodhound
could not have been more eager than
David was. He trembled If an omni
bus cut off his view for a single In
stant, and shuddered If the beggar
turned a corner.
Unconscious of all this, the dog and
his master wended their way home
ward. They crawled slowly and quiet
ly across a street over which thunder
ed an endless procession of vehicles;
they moved like snails through the
surf of the ocean of life. Arriving at
length at the door of a wretched tene
ment house, the blind man and his dog
entered.
As he noted the squalor of the place,
David murmured to himself, "Poor old
man! How low he has fallen!"
Several minutes passed In silence,
while he stood reflecting on the doc
tor's misery, his own new happiness
and the opportunities and duties which
the adventure had opened and Im
posed. At last he said to his friend,
"Do you know where we are? I .was
so absorbed that I didn't ' notice our
route at all."
"Yes," Mantel answered. "1 have
marked every turn of the way."
"Could you find the place again?"
"Without the slightest difficulty."
"Be sure, for If you wish to help me,
as I think you do, you will have to
come often. I have made my plans In
the few moments in which I have "been
standing here, and am determined to
devote my life, If need be, to this poor
creature whom I have so wronged. I
must get him out of this filthy ho' In
to some cheerful place. I will atone
for the past If I can! Atone! What a
word that Is! With what stunning
force Its meaning dawns upon me!
How many times I have heard and ut
tered It without comprehension. But
somehow I now see In it a revelation
of the sweetest possibility of life. Oh!
I am a changed man; I will make
atonement! Come, let us go. I am
anxious to begin. But no, t must pro
ceed with caution. How do I know
that this is his permanent home? He
may be only lodging for the night, and
when you come to-morrow, he may be
gone! Go In, Mantel, and make sure
that we shall find him here to-morrow.
Go, and while you find out all
you can about him, I wl'l begin to
search for such a place as I want to
put him in. We will part for the
present; but when we meet to-night
we shall have much to talk about I
will tell you the whole of this long and
bitter story. I am so happy, Mantel.
You can't understand! I have some
thing to live for now. I will work, oh.
you do not know how I will work to
make this atonement What a word It
is! It is music to my ears. Atonement!"
And so in the lexicon of human ex
perience he had at last discovered the
meaning of one of the great words of
our language. After all, experience Is
the only exhaustive dictionary, and the
definitions It contains are the only
ones which really burn themselves In
to the mind or fully interpret the sig
nificances of life.
him, the physical rum. which ths ter
rible blow of the stone, the subsequent
Illness, and the ensuing, poverty and
wretchedness had wrought, becamt
manifest. He experienced a sudden
relapse, and began to sink into an
ominous decline.
. Even had be not known the secret
of his sorrow, it would have soon be
come plain to his acute and watchful
nurse that some hidden trouble was
gnawing at his heart, for he was taci
turn, abstracted and sometimes mo
rose. He manifested no curiosity as to
the benefactor upon whose charity he
was living, but received the alms be
stowed by that unknown hand unsolic
ited, uncomprehended and unobserved.
His mind, aroused by the conversa
tion of his untiring nurse to the reali
ties of the present existence,
sink back by a sort of
Advantages of a Silo.
Silos have became one of the fixed
appointments of successful dairy and
stock farms where economy in feed is
would necessary to achieve profitable results.
irresistible The expense of a silo often prevents
gravity into the realm of memory, its use by farmers who feel that they
inera, in the impenetrable privacy 01 cannot snnre thn monnv for such an
n,m .oui, ne prooaea over nis wrongs equipment. The Intelligent feeder
ana counted his prospects or ngntingi . . . , ,j n .j
tv,m .,,... hi. wn "as carefully Investigated the ad-
lutoc lonuuo ilia wiaaw i - . f iv I J
The blow struok hv David had stun- vaumges or a suo is me man iuuuc
ned the doctor, hut had not killed him. m praise, it nas uecome reco8-
He lay in the road until a slave, pass- nlzed that high class results In feed
ing that way, picked him up and car- Ing live stock cannot be consummated
rled him to a neighboring plantation, without feeding silage.
where he fell Into the hands of people Deleterious results seldom follow
who In the truest sense of the word feedIng enBllage If Buch result3 do
itv w. th .mn,i fr he follow It comes from either overfeed-
lay for weeks In a stupor, and when he In or from spoiled silage. Silage is
recovered consciousness his reason had recognized as of great economic value
undergone a strange eclipse. For a In feeding dairy cows. Where dairy
The Profltabl Dairy Cmt,
Some people seem to keep and Oilk
cows simply because others keep them,
without any regard to whether the
cows are paying a profit. For a cow
to be worth keeping she must pay a
profit on the feed and care given her,
For her to be really' worth while, she
should produce 100 per cent more milk
than her" feed costs, Including pasture,
of course.
It does not matter so much what
breed a cow belong to. Simply be
cause she is of Jersey or Holsteln
blood, Is not positive proof that she Is
more than paying her way. A com
mon cow may be doing better than
she. The only way to find out what
she Is doing is to weigh and test her
milk at regular and frequent Intervals.
Let her stand on her merits and not
on her ancestry.
One reason why some cows do not
pay greater profit Is that they are not
fed all the nutritious feed they will
eat. This is especially the case with
many farmers In winter, when pas
tures are dead. Many of them keep
their producing cows on half feed
when they are not on pasture, and still
expect the cows to make up the loss.
If a cow Is worth keeping at all she Is
worth feeding all she can be Induced
to eat. If It Is not found profitable
to purchase extra feeds so that the
Ion a- tlm he could not recall a single farmlne- la mnria n nneclaltv hut few
event in his history and when at last daIrlea are operated without the use cows mav have a11 tnat thev wln con
some of the most prominent began to of RlIff, lt ,a omlniiv vluahle as a sume. then It Is best to keep only as
re-present themselves to his view It t, f t , d nas dedld.
was vaguely and slowly, as mountain- . ta KoW
peaks and hill-tops break through a " "cllla w"cu lcu lu "
morning mist. This was not the only fattened for market. Sheep and swine
result of the blow which his rival had thrive ou. silage. As a part or tne ra-
struck him ;it had left him totally tion of roughage it could be generally
blind. utilized for all classes of live stock,
Not until many weeks had passed
M h fed fortv
did Mantel succeed In really engaging pounda ot Bllag9 dallyf wnlle thirty nftl of Agriculture.
ins imLiwm ill BLiiy limits nitw uujif ni-
many cows as feed can be provided for
on the farm.
Make the cow produce all the milk
she can by good care and feed, and
do not let her go dry until the time
she is ready to turn dry. Keep the
best heifers from the best cows. Jour
satlon, and even after he had begun to
thaw a little under those tactful
l8"ations of love, whenever the past
was even hinted at the old recluse re.
lapsed Instantly into silence.
Mantel might have been discouraged
pounds would be a ration for a beef
animal.
A silo enables the farmer to econ
omize in space in the storage of feed.
It requires double the space to store
the same feed nutriments In dry
had he not determined at all hazards roughage as In silage. The silo can
io enier imo uie secrets ui una ma, . , j f,Q,i cement
may be ruined as a milk producer by
Improper feeding. If you do not own
a thoroughbred bull with good milk
stock in his pedigree, buy one at once.
Get out of the old rut, and start right
Go to work now and build up your
Breed and Feed.
To cheapen the cost of production
is to Increase the price of dairy prod
ucts; and the only way to lower the
cost Is to feed and breed Intelligently,
The scrub bull Is the bane and curse
of the dairy industry In Missouri and
and to pave the way for the forgive- . . lne t,0utnwest, as lt is everywnere
n. nf hl frlenrt W thfirefnra ner- "u u"l-um tt pel Ulttucm. imp.".vu - And .x Bnoud ago De remem.
, , .... , I
sisted in his efforts, and one bright lu"- wl" cosi noming lur uiaiuwu.-v.. hered that the best cow In the world
day when the invalid was feeling un- A silo enables the farmer to save ma
usually strong ventured to press home feed with the minimum loss of nutrl-
his Inquiries. ents. Feed cured In the open air suf-
I cannot help thinking," he said, fers a ioss of aDOut 2& per cent of nu
that you could soon be reasonably triments. while ensllana loses about
weu UKjini u you uiu nut uruuu " m w l .Wmnt
gnawing at your heart." SllaS been comprehens vely herd The chance3 are that 50 per
There is," he was answered, icily, lesiea at neany an iu 6"l""u"" cent of those who read this paragraph
Have you wronged some one, then, experiment stations wun unuuiiu ia- h , t . th t hardlv nay
ana are tnese tnougnts wnicn vex you voraoie results, it insures w I inir for thpir Upon Rut hv hreedlnp
feelings of remorse and guilt?" dairymah succulent feed at all times t f. , . f t . . . . m.
.-ir A l " ,v, .l, , . . .... , ,,, j v" " " ""
iuiibcu Duma uiio, mo """ an irnDortant conauion in muB. uruum.- i i i.i i , i i.
flrl ,nnr.H Hrlno- thfl arm. nf hU . . . . . ... "-uc tal,ra lluul ""'J l"
J ' o-' o i Linn ancrnienr reen is ueau ivr
chair and gasping for breath in the d Faraer
svn torn An tirh nh tVia miaoMin r-Tn 1 1 enf I
V L VT 111 l 1 kl 1 U HUll wu
on. "Not I! I have been wronged
No one has ever b-b-been wronged as
I have. I have nourished vipers in my
have been robbed, deceived and betray- not m me lana, oui in u.b umu
ed! My wife is gone! My health la who Is In charge. Good or Daa iarm-
gone! My sight is gone! He has ing results from definite reasons. Suo
skinned me like a sheep! My heart ces3 results from painstaking, season-
Farming: as a Business.
Science has shown that where there
best milkers, and feeding lntelllgently
any man who reads this can have
! herd of 300-pound producing cows in
five years. Missouri Dairyman.
has turned to a hammer which knocks
at my ribs and cries revenge! It ch
ch-chokes me!"
He gasped, grew purple In the face
and clutched at his collar as If about
to strangle. After a while the par
oxysm passed away, and Mantel deter- ferent work on the farm.
able operations; the application of
practical knowledge which haa been
gained by studying the requirements
which are known will bring success.
Lack of ambition results la Indif-
Taklng full
mined once more to try and assuage advantage of the resources of any
this Implacable hatred.
(To be continued.)
farm, and following Intelligent, up-to-
date methods of farming will la due
time mean steady and often very lapid
Improvement in yield of crops. In a
sense, the resources of a farm vary
with locality; but In the main thero
are many Identical conditions on very
many farms. The farmer who works
to establish a well-set meadow, aims
to get the hilly, washable, waste land3
Waate of Feed.
Wherever cattle or hogs are fee
there is a great waste In valuable feed
resulting from the feeding of too much
corn, or ieeaing corn out ot balance
and'proportion to protein or nitrogen
ous food. The time has come in th
high price bf corn to call a halt to this
wasteful method of feeding. To fully
utilize feed proper digestion must go
on, ana wnen corn is rea out or bai
ance with nitrogenous foods it Is not
all digested and assimilated. These
are very Important facts, now that
corn Is high in price and is likely to
stay so. What, then. Is the food that
must take the place of part of the corn
fed In making pork? That Is the
question that should be carefully
studied and heeded by farmers. Cheap
er production through more econonv
leal use of our feeds Is an Important
matter and must be so recognized
sooner or later by our farmers. Kan
sas Farmer.
Orchard Cultivation.
Hoe the weeds and grass away from
He Wanted an Equal Chance.
The "sporting parson," once a fa
miliar figure In English society, has
all but disappeared, In consequence of
the religious revivals and reforms of
the last century and a half. A nun
dred years ago, however, he still ex
isted, says a writer In Tit-Bits, and spt r&aa: utilizes the rocky rough
one or tne type prestaea over a mue and3 hy Betting out fruit trees
seaside parisn in Lincolnshire. ditches the low lands and reclaims the
The place was. a fovorlte. landing swamDg. improves the stony fields by
place for woodcock at the time of DickliiK off. the surface stones so that
meir annual immigration, ana tne par- crop3 wi take the places the stones the trees In the orchard, and while
son used to tell off a native to let him 3CCUpied, uses some of the ways of you are hoeing the grass and weeds
know as soon as the birds began to ar- taking advantage qf the resources of a away, dig down Into lt and stir the
r've. - farm. I poll for 2 or S feet around the hase nf
i -
On Sunday he was preaching to his , frm- who owna . ,ie farnl i- each tree. Keeping the grass and
congregation, and had Just reached ?ery many instances does not secure weeds away will destroy nesting places
iuo secuuu ueau oi ms uiacuurse, wuea ,... that -veraee as we as the farm- for mice and prevent them from eir-
the church door was cautiously opened Lr wnose farm rarely exceeds sixty dllng the trees. Digging into and turu-
and a head appeared followed by a nr geVentv acres. The reason is the ing up some of the surface soil will
beckoning finger. The parson either iaree farmer " cannot, with the force bring some insect pests to light to be
aid not see, or ne wouia not need the ne usually keeps, properly look after destroyed, and the stirring of the soil
Intruder, who then gave a loud cough, everything, seeing that seasonable around the base of the tree will do
The preacher stopped in his preach- work is done and that each farming
Ing in the middle of a sentence and 3Deration Is well attended to. Each of
exciteaiy asnea: wnat is It, John?" .hese is a great success factor In farm
" Cocks is coom, replied John. hng. Hasty work means. Invariably,
The parson hurriedly closed his ser- SOme neglect or work indifferently
mon case. Shut the door and lock done,
ltl" he cried to the clerk. "Keep the
people In church till I ve got my sur- Corn Breeding,
plice off. Let s an nave a fair The Illinois experiment station has
chance. .nst nnhllshed the results of Its ef
some good In the way of cultivation
A few minutes thus spent to each tree
may be the means of Its bearing an
extra bushel of fruit this coming year
The more the orchard Is cultivated
and worked with the more lt will
bear. Intensive orchard cultivation Is
Imperative for the best results. Jour
nal of Agriculture.
Method.
forts to breed corn for high and low
-What makes you keep on asking Proteln content and for high and low
me If the razor hurts?" asked the man 011 cntent- Ten generations of corn
who was being shaved. "I've said
'yes' three times and lt hasn't made
any difference."
ivo, answereu tue uarDer. "I was
merely trying my razors out to see
which of 'em wants honing." Wash
ington Star.
have been bred for these different pur
poses by selection of seed having the
desired qualities. In the effort to In
crease the protein content the average
has been changed from 10.92 per cent
to 14.26 per cent In the effort to de
crease It from 10.92 per cent to 8.64
per cent. Individual ears have been
found which contain as high as 17.79
CHAPTER XVTL
The next few weeks were passed In
devoted efforts to make the blind man
comfortable and happy. David sought
and found a place to work, and after
reserving enough of his wages to sup
ply the few necessities of his dally
life, dedicated the rest to the purchase
of comforts for the poor invalid.
Mantel acted as his almoner, and
by his delicate tact and gentle man
ners persuaded the proud and revenge
ful old man to accept tha mysterious
charity. Ths moment ths strain of
parpetual beggary was taken from
Still Worn.
"Died In poverty!" cried the phil- per cent of protein and as low as 6.13
osopher scornfully. per cent, as high as 8.59 per cent of
"Died In poverty, did he. and vom oil and as low as 1.60 per cent. But
expect me to sympathize? What U the high protein corn has been In
there In dying In poverty? I've got every case less productive than any
to live In It" The 8portlng Times. of the other three and in some cases
Poultry Notes.
Some farmers neglect the 25 to 5l
cents that the battening of cracks In
the coop would cost, and each month
feed a dollar's worth of extra corn in
order to supply the animal heat
needed.
Fowls love to thrash out a- bundle of
wheat or oats, and it does one good
to step around to the door of the
poultry house and listen to the merry
chatter while the fowls are digging in
the straw.
The answer to the question. Does
winter poultry pay? depends In a large
measure upon where your hens are
roosting. If on the bare branches of
a tree, on the northeast corner of the
decidedly so. It has also been less barn, there can be no doubt about lt
productive as a rule than corn grown Raise your chickens outdoors at all
for no particular purpose Just corn. seasons 0f the year, give them every
The conclusion Is reached from some opp0rtunlty to get fresh air and sun
plots that, while this continued seleo- gnne. Keep them in small flocks
tion for a single purpose to the neglect untu they roost regularly. Keep the
of all other considerations has resulted I roofg 0f aH brooders and coops water
in lower yields, yet this is not a neces- tight; dampness Is fatal to chickens
sary result In some cases high pro- I 0d or young. If coops leak, cover
"Any man who can make his wit. teln corn has yielded well as compared Witn tar roofing or canvas painted
buy enough for the family table." with standard varieties bred for no with several coats of white lead.
Philadelphia Ledger. particular purpose. I Farm Journal.
Th Coat of a Fad.
"Do you know her well?"
"To the contrary, I've never known
her well a single day since she learned
It was fashionable to be operated on."
8t Louis Star.
Tha Man of the Hour.
"What Is a food expert?"
Visitor What have you in arctlo lit
erature? Librarian Cook books and
Pearyodlcals. Brooklyn Life.
"I want one of the new spotted face
veils, please." "Yes, madam. Specked,
spattered, or splotched?" Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Wife (reminiscing) Well, I very
nearly didn't marry you, John. John
(absent-mindedly) I know but who
told you? The Sketch.
"If m'wlfe's awake, I'll shay:
'M'dear, brought y" some c'sath'mums
chrysthmus chrasythums' hang it !
Wish I'd got roses." Life.
Borrowell I have no use for that
fellow BJones. Wigwag Yes, BJones
Is one of those fellows who object to
being used. Philadelphia Record.
What do they mean by an 'endur
ance test'?" "Two chaps bragging
about their respective makes of auto
mobiles." Springfield Republican.
"Well, Tommy, what part of the
chicken will you have?" "Why, paw,
you know I always take the back when
there's company." St. Louis Repub
lic. "I've Just figured out how the Venus
de Mllo came to lose her arms."
"How?" "She broke them off trying to
button her shirtwaist up the back."
The Jewish Ledger.
"The audience is calling you," the
playwright was Informed. "I hear
them," he answered. "Show me the
quickest way to get out of here."
Birmingham Age-Herald.
"New-mown hay is a delightful per
fume; we sell lots of lt." "Haven't
you something with a gasoline odor?
I want people to think I own a motor
car, not a horse." Life.
Mrs. Newbrlde Boohoo! Henry
threw a biscuit at me. One that I
made myself, too! Mother The mon
ster! He might have killed you!
The United Presbyterian.
Hoax Out in Arizona he is known
as a bad man. Joax Is that bo? Did
he ever kill any one? Hoax Oh, yes.
Joax What make of car does ha
drive? Philadelphia Record.
Visitor Can you read the past?
Fortune Teller Certainly. That's my
business. Visitor Then I wish you'd
tell me what it was my wife .told me
to get for her! Boston Globe.
- "Do you want employment?" asked
the sympathetic woman. "I dunno wot
dat Is, ma'am," replied the husky hobo,
"but ef it's ennything ter eat, youse
may gimme a few." Chicago Dally
News.
Judge I'll have to fine ye fifty dol
lars for exceeding the speed limit.
Jack Scorcher Look here, Judge, this
young lady and I want to get married.
Remit the fine and you get the Job.
Brooklyn Life.
Whale What are you going to tell
your wife when you get home? Jonah
I don't know; I don't suppose she
would believe me If I should tell her
that I had been to a fish dinner.
The Bohemian.
"You don't know what that's a pic
ture of, Johnny?" said Mrs. Lapsllng,
in a tone of reproof; "You ought to
read your ancient history more. That
Is the temple of Dinah at Emphasis."
Chicago Tribune.
Cynlcus It is Impossible for a wom
an to keep a Becret. Henpeckke I
don't know about that; my wife and I
were engaged for several weeks before
she said anything to me about It."
Philadelphia Record. .
"Are you in favor of votes for wom
en?" "Yes. Perhaps If we can get
them to think more about votes they
will think less about clothes. I have
four daughters who are growing up."
Chicago Record-Herald.
"Speaking of Joy rides, did you ever
have a real one?" "No." "Never go
out In a bugy along a shady lane,
with a plug of a horse and the only
girl in the world? Say, you don't
know what life It." Public Ledger.
A traveler stopped at a hotel In
Greenland, where the nights are six
months long, and, as he registered,
asked a question of the clerk. "What
time do you have breakfast?"" From
half-past March to a quarter to May."
Reporter Mr. Cummin, have you
the manuscript of the after-dinner
speech you delivered at that banquet
last night? Ketchum A. Cummin
(with a gasp) Did I deliver a speech
there, young man? Whose? Chicago
Tribune.
'The starvation experiences of those
English suffragettes were trying."
Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; "it's
pretty hard to be obliged to stop crit
icizing the public policies of a great
government In order to find fault with
Its cooking." Washington Star.
Husband You must marry again.
dearest, when I am gone, and that will
be very soon. Wife No, Edward, no
one will marry an old woman like me.
You ought to have died ten years ago
for that Meggendorfer Blaetter.
"Over here," said the Arab guide,
we have another mummy. From the
cooking utensils found near her, she Is
supimsed to have bven a cook. For
2,000 years she has remained Just
where she was found." "Bosh I" scoff
ed the American tourist, "that's do
cook." "Why not?" "Who ever heard
of a cook remaining In one place that
loci?" Chicago Dally News,