The Oregon scout., December 31, 1891, Image 12

B. CKANOEY, Publisher, Union, Or.
An Old Trick In a Ner Dren.
Street fakirs have been reaping a bis
harvest from the snlo of little glus3 viala
liko thoso used to hold homoeopathic pel
lets. The viala cost at wholesale u frac
tion of a cent apiece, and the fakirs have
"been retailing them for five cents each.
Their value as a street hawker's novelty
consists in tho fact that a remarkably
funny practical joke can bo played with
them. Each of tho little bottles now
being sold in the streets has n small hole
'drilled or blown in tho bottom. When
.filled with water and corked tightly tho
Tial will apparently bo perfectly sound.
Tho water will not escapofrom tho littlo
"hole in tho bottom of tho vial until tho
cork is withdrawn from tho other ond.
As soon as tho cork is pulled out, how
over, tho water will run out of tho littlo
bole.
Tho joko consists in offering a filled
nd corked bottlo to tho chosen victim
with tho question, "Can you tell mo
-wliat that perfume is in that bottle?" At
first tho victim attempts to smell it
through tho cork. Failing to perceivo
.any odor in this way ho naturally with
draws tho cork, and tho chances aro
about twenty to ono that tho contents of
tho bottlo trickle down his coat sleevo
and wet his arm to tho elbow. Then tho
perpotrator of tho joko laughs fiendishly
and tho victim says: "By Jove, that is
tho best thing I'vo seen yell Whcro can
I got one?" Tho trick is im old ono, but
it hits probably never been sold beforo.
Now York Sun.
Tnrni'il Up Trousers.
It seems to bo raining in London a
great deal nowadays. All tho young
swells, anil somo who aro old enough to
"know better, go about in Cambridge and
Brookline, and oven in Boston, with ten
nis trousers turned away up around tho
bottom; and this whether tho weather is
wet or dry, or whether they aro walking
upon tho grass or upon tho driest of side
walks. The trousers aro simply to bo
turned up at tho bottom, and that is all
'there is of it. Even tho tailors and tho
-furnishers, when they expose tho good
for side, exhibit them with tho bottoms
turned up.
Tho turning up is dono in an artfully
careless way, and ono begins to suspect
that there is a secret about it that only
tho born swell knows, so that tho im
properly turned up trousurs betray tho
apurious article of swell. Tho trousers
ro actually made long enough to lie
upon tho ground, so that when they aro
turned up tho edgo will descend to tho
ankle. This merely moderately amusing
fashion has no particular interest, but it
.baa occurred to mo that it will bo an iu
teresting item in tho twenty-fourth or
iifth century to tho sociological student
of tho curious customs of tho present
period. Boston Transcript.
Tim Lightning Hod Season.
'Now is tho time for inhabitants of the
rural districts to conjuro up tho annual
thunder storm scaro and invoice tho
ahado of Ben Franklin by converting
liouses and bams into tho semblance of
'colossal metallic porcupines. Scoffing
neighbors console them with jeers, but
perhaps erect wooden rods to scare away
that "hardy perennial," the lightning
rod agent. Something is to bo said on
both sides of the question. It is quito
certain that a well grounded network of
conductors will avert to a very great ex
tent danger from lightning, but it is ex
tremely likely that tho samo result is not
attainable by tho average rod that thrusts
"It point a few inches above tho chimney
top. It is well to remember that a few
toll trees around a house form a very
fflcient and artistic system that is al
mnya well grounded and nover needs
Terhauling. Electrical WorkL
Treed by Wild 'Crete.
Irwin W. Bossier, of Blamlon, while
xUbing in tho Maiden creek, was attack
ad by two wild geeao. Ho was standing
-in tho middle of the stream, when one of
tho geeso suddonly flopped upon hira,
lenockod off his hat and sent his rod and
lino flying into tho water. As Bossier
grabbed for his bat ho received a blow
which almost broke his arm and Bent
lifan sprawling upon his back. Ho waded
out, but had no sooner reached tho bank
when another gooso attacked him and
dealt him such sovero blows that ho was
-compelled to retreat. Ho finally crawled
p u treo, where ho was rescued com
Ulctely exhausted. Philadelphia Tele
graph. MMpIng Iuciic-r Saved by Dream.
J. J. Tilford, an employe of tho Louis
ville, St. Louis and Texas railroad at
Hawesville, dreamed Friday night that
tho west end of tho switch at that ploc
had been left open for the side track, and
that tho fast freight train was nearly
duo. At this point ho woke up, and was
'Bo impressed by his dream that ho got
up and went to investigate. To his sur
priso ho found tho switch set for tho side
track. Ho set it right, thus saving many
lives. There were sixty men sleeping
in tho cars that were thou lying on tho
ido tracks. He also saved tl:o company
thousands of dollars' worth of property.
Louisville Courier Journal.
A littlo 8-year-old daughter of James
McNamara was the victim of a jwculiar
accident at Butto, Mon., recently. The
child was walking on tho sidewalk oppo
site tho old Lexington foundry, when a
aovoro gust of wind blow her bodily into
-tho street, about ten feet below, Tho
shock broke her arm, and she also re
ceived other injuries. A utt for dam
age will probably m brought against
Uio city by tho parents of the littlo one,
A 100 pound turtle was dellverod at
Thomas Cable' Broadway cafe, Now
York city, and tho ohof. liurjHmtxl hu
carvur mid cut it iimii. A htigu mat of
ifolduu egg wiu brmiglit (u vuy. It
took 'I'Uwm Jordaiii brother of Conrad
K,, twenty iiil(u o count ho rtfifa,
iWw Wfttf J, WO wjfi, i
A HIDDEN TREASURE.
Ono dismal, rainy evening in tho fall of
1857 a wayfarer entered a country inn in In
diana and secured lodgings for tho night.
Ho was a sailor, ho said, and was on his way
to a town twenty miles distant, where he had
relatives. Ho was a stoutbuilt, rugged look
ing fellow, but next morning ho was found
dead in his bod. Tho alxjvo facts were clearly
established, but a certain other fact cold
only be surmised. Word was sent to tho
dead man's relatives, tho coroner took chargo
of tho remains, and all jcrsonal ellects wero
turned over with tho remains. Tho do
ccasod had a few dollars in money and a few
trinkets, but tho relatives at onco claimed
that ho had been roblwd of valuable papers.
Tho proprietor of tho inn was a veritablo
Yankee, including a hawk bill nose and tho
legendary twang, and his wife was his coun
terpart. Ho was known to bo sharper than
steel in a horse trade, and ho never put out a
dollar that ho did not get a big interest; but
no ono believed ho hud rifled tho dead man's
baggage. When tho relatives wero asked
about tho nature of tho alleged valuablo
papers they refused to answer, and this eva
sion threw doubts on their allegation. In a
fow weeks tho uffnlr blow over, and in about
three months tho landlord nnd wife began to
feel lonesome for tho hills of old Now Hamp
shire. This was an excuse for oireringall
their property for sale, and blx months after
tho death of tho stranger in tho hotel tho
pluco passed into other hands.
Tiio next beeno oiiened in Now Orleans. I
was then employed by Blank & Blank,
wreckers, as general manager of tho busi
ness. Wo hud three vessels, btcam pumps,
divers, and all other necessary apparatus. I
was called ' into tho private olllco ouo day,
and thcro found Jonas Stebbins, tho hook
nosed' Yankee who had sold out his hotel in
Indiana. Ho hud somutliing to say, but ho
hesitated to say it. It was half an hour be
foro wo could bring him to tho point, and
then Jtily after tho three of us hud placed
our hands-on a bmall Bible, which Stebbins
hud thoughtfully provided for, and sworn
nover to reveal Ids secret. Then ho brought
forth two letters und u map, and wo saw that
another buried treasure crank iiad struck tho
citv. Such incidents wero not uncommon.
In tho ilvo years I had been manager wo had
encountered a full dozen of these cranks, nnd
on two occasions tho firm had lost heavily by
entering into partnerships which failed to
pun out. A3 soou as Mr. Stebbins unfolded
himself ho got tho cold shoulder, but ho
would not tnko it that way.
"Look here," ho said, as ho tilted his chair
back, "do you take mo for afoolf'
"Well, partly."
"Do you think I want a partnership in it!"
"Don't you I"
"Not by n jugful I I want to hiron schooner
nnd crow and divers by tho week for so many
weeks. All aro to bo tinder my orders, und I
0111 to havo all that's found.. Partnership!
No, sir-o-el What's your lowest figures!"
Ho had shown us u roughly drawn map of
tho Bahama Islands, ono executed with pen
nnd Ink by soniosailor. Ho wanted a schooner
to proceed to ono of tho islands. All tho ap
paratus ho Wanted was grapnels and divers.
Ho might want us throe weeks, but probably
not over two. It was finally agreed that ho
should hire by tho day. Ho beat us down
$Ti on tho figure named, and an iron clad
agreement was drawn up and signed, and ho
counted out $1,000 in gold. A sum suilleieut
to pay us for three weeks was deposited with
n. banker, and wo at once began preparations
for tho trip. It had been stipulated that
Sirs. Stebbins was to go along, und wo had a
stateroom fitted up for hor.
This was tho first tinio any treasure huff
had put down his own money for an ci.
tioii, and wo could not doubt that Mr ob
blns had what seemed to Mm a straff, bi clow.
It was not our business to throw cold water
on his plans, oven though wo wero firmly
convinced that ho would return empty
handed. Tho firm decided that I should go
out in charge of oj)erations, nnd a couplo of
days after tho contract was signed wo wero
off for tho Gulf. I oxjieetetl tho Stebbinses
to bo nervous and llustrated, but there was
not a sign of it. They were us cool as if
going on u visit to a relntivo. As wo wero
going down tho river, I said to him: "Now
that tho contract is signed und wo aro under
way, I suppose you had as soon tell mo about
your treasure!"
"Wall.noo," ho drawled; "you might leave
Jho schooner somewhere and try to cut In
ahead of me, or wo may bo wrecked beforo
wo get there. I think you nro honest and
straight, but I can't give you tho exact loca
tion." "No, Indoed, wo can't," added Mrs. Steb
bins. "You boo, It has taken every dollar wo
could rako and scrne, and if we don't get
that treasure we'll bo busted."
"But you seem to be certain of getting it,"
"Oh, yes I" they replied in chorus.
"Is tho amount large!"
They looked nt each other a moment, and
then Mrs. Stebbins replied:
"Jonas, I think wo can safely tell him
somo few things, for ho seems to wish us
well."
"Yes, I guess so."
"Well, then, wo expect to get about $150,
000, more or less, in gold and silver."
"Yes, that's about tho flgger," added Steb
bins, "and as wo are both getting along in
yean it will come In handy. If you had
that much money, .Mr. .Marvin, would you
buy ft farm or movo into a city!" 1
They seemed so firmly convinced of tho
existence of tho treasure thnt I felt it my
duty to worn them of possiblo disappoint-
mcnt. I
"Yes, wo might possibly fall, but 'taln't at
all likely," ho replied. "Wo ain't tho sort of
people to put up our last dollar on an uncer
tainty." "No, Jonas, wo ain't," added the wife, '
"Was this treasure deposited years agoP I
asked.
"Yes, n good many years ago."
"On land r
Thoy looked from mo to each other, and
smiled In a kuowing way, "Because," I con
tinued, "there can't bo. a rod of auy of tho
Bahamas, nor a bay, nor cove on tho shores,
but whut has been explored over and over."
"Exactly," replied Stebbins, as ho arose to
spit over tho rail. "If anybody has found
tho trcusuro then wo shan't get It."
"Of course wo shan't," replied tho wife, and
that closed tho conversation.
Neither ouo of them had been to 6ea beforo,
aud while wo were running down tho Florida
coast both were terribly beasiclc. They wero
arouud again as wo camo up with tho capo,
however, aud when tho captain asked Steb
bins which ouo of tho Bahamas ho should
steer for tho man consulted hU sketch afresh,
compared It with tho captain's chart of thaw
waters, and, finally replied, as ho put kU
finger down, "This U Turk's Island."
"Yes."
'That's wero thoy get a heap of salt."
"Ye,"
41 Well, hero's nit Ulntul to tho northeast of
it, fifteen or twenty miles nwuy,"
" Yni thuU called tho Little Cayooa,"
"Well, uoow, you might brlug up there.
During the remainder of tho voyage, or
until no sighted the Ulnml, tho poo)iioi of
Htcbbiiu ami liu wife wo ivnmrUbl, Ttw
tuly e,uuio Uwy know how 4o play was fox
lld tiuwM, and (be played (row WWMlUtf
till night and far into tho evening. Wo
tin-coded our way among tho various islands
to get to tho east, and sails wero in sight
every hour in tho day, but this queer couplo
could hardly bo Induced to raise their eyes
from tho game. Stebbins was always on
hand when tho captain prinked off tho day's
run on tho chart, and it was evident that ho
was keeping a sharp lookout to see that wo
were headed In tho right direction.
In duo timo we raised Turk's island, com
ing down from tho north, and then wo kept
, ofT a couplo of points until Littlo Cnycos was
sighted. It is nn Island lying much lower
than Turk's, almost surrounded with danger
ous shoals nnd reefs, and nt the timoof which
! I write the only settlers wero traders,
wreckers nnd fishermen. There aro harbors
on the cost und west shores, but by order of
' L'l .l.l.l..,. . I .1. .l.1 .,,!
LUUUIlia U 1UUUIUUI1U IU LUU MIUlll SlllU U1IU
I dropiKxl nuchor about a milo from tho beach.
It was just at sundown when wo camo to
anchor, and that evening tho captain gavo
them the use of tho cabin for a couplo of
; hours to look over their papers. Tho island,
l wttli all tho indentations, as well as the
shouls, reefs and depth of water, was pict
ured on our chart, and thoy compared their
pen and ink sketch with this, and consulted
' another paper which nono of us had beforo
( seen, until they enmo to a decision. I wns
looking down upon them through tho open
skylight from tho corner of my eye, nnd I
saw Stubbing striko tho tablo with his list,
aud lt'card him whisper:
"We've got it, sure as shooting!"
"Hush I" sho admonished. "Of courso
wo'vo got it. Wo hain't nobody's fools, Jonas
Stebbins. Do you suppose I'd havo consented
to put nil our money into this vouturo if there
wns a chanco to loso it!"
"By gum I but we'll bo rich I"
"Of courso wo will."
"Itichest folks in tho hull county!"
"Yes, but don't get excited."
They sat on deck for nn hour or two, Steb
bins smoking and his wife knitting, and n3
they wero about to retiro for tho night I felt
bound to observe:
"Well, Mr. Stebbins, hero wo nro in good
shape, und now.ns I was sent tomanngoyour
business, you'd better explain matters pretty
clearly. I may want to muko somo prepara
tions for to-morrow."
"How long will It tako you to get a diver
ready to go down!'' ho n.sked.
"Not over half nn hour."
"Well, that's nil tho preparations needed."
"What is tho diver to go down uften"
"Sunthlii' thut won't run away beforo
morning," answered Mrs. Stebbins, und with
that both went below.
It was only natural that nil of us should bo
curious about tho exp"dition, but every at
tempt to find out anything had thus fur been
cleverly frustrated. The captain und I talked
it over again for tho tweutiet-i time, nnd wo
camo to tho samo old conclusion that Steb
bins had como on a wild gootw chnso after
bomo old wreck. In our piquo at his refusal
to furnish particulars wo almost hoped ho
wouldn't find it. Stebbins was on deck nt
daylight next morning, and his wife half an
hour later, and nf ter breukfust, when tho
captain asked for orders, tho Ynukco wulted
to fill his pipe beforo replying:
"I guess we'll jog westward about flvo
miles." Tho schooner was got under way,
and when sho had accomplished tho distance
named sho was about a mile oil shore, in
fifty feet of water, and midway between her
und tlto bench wns a reef covered with not
more thun ten or twelvo feet of water at low
tide. As tho anchor went down tho schoon
er's head pointed directly toward tho land,
and Stebbins nnd his wife appeared to muko
out somo landmarks, tho sight of which
brought smiles to their faces. It wns a beau
tiful morning, with only a slight broezo
.owing, and as tho anchor went down Steb
bins camo to mound said:
"Wo shall have to go into tho reef in a
small boat, I suppose. Can a diver work
from her!"
I assured him thnt it could bo dono, and
wo got down tho boat, put in tho pump and
dress, nnd wero shortly ready to pull oil.
Stebbins nnd his wife wero botli to go, mak
ing a party of six of us. Wo pulled almost
straight for tho reef, ported a littlo after
crossing it, and then, as wo anchored in threo
fathoms of water I looked about and discov
ered that we wero in whut might bo culled
a basin, although it wus open to tho cast.
"Yes, this is the spot," said Stebbius as ha
stood up and looked around.
"I'd almost know it at midnight," added
his wife.
"What am I to look for!" asked tho diver
as ho donned his dress.
"Some boxes about tho slzo of them that
axes como in," replied tho Yankee. "There
orter bo ten of 'em down there. They aro
iron bound and purty hefty, but you hook on
and we'll do the hauling."
Tho diver winked nt mo to express his In
credulity, and then his helpers screwed on
his hoi met and got him over tho sido on tho
ropo ladder. Tho water was wonderfully
clear, and wo could follow hhu to tho very
bottom and see him move about. He headed
north nnd crossed the basin; theuco east to
its mouth; then around to tho north, and
after boiug down twenty-five minutes ho
came up with a shell, and said, as soon as
clear of his headpiece:
"Nothing but shells down there, sir. Tho
bottom is hard sand, and I could have seen a
dinio down there."
"Didn't see no boxes!" gasped Stebbins.
"No, sir."
"Now, Jonas, don't get excited," cau
tioned his wife, "Them boxes Is lying along
side o' that wall (reef) to the weak Tho
waves coming In from tho east would shunt
'em over there."
"That's so," replied Stebbins, and whon tho
diver had rested ho was directed to search in
that directum, and the anchor was lifted
that wo might hover over him as near as
possible. Ho hud not been down three niin
ui os when ho signaled us to haul away ou
the lino uttachod to tho tongs, aud up camo
one of tho boxes tho Yankee aud his wife
were searching after. In five minutes we had
another, and inside of an hour wo had ten.
Wo were an excited lot all but Stebbins and
his better half. Thoy seemed to take it as a
matter of course, and after tho diver had
sent up the tenth box aud camo up to rest tho
Yankee said:
"There might havo been an eloventh box.
My bill calls for ten, but there may bo an
extra one. And suy, when you aro down
there kinder look arouud for any looio cola
or other btulT."
Nothlug further was found, howover, and
that af tcriiMU wo stood away for Now Or
leaus. When aboard the schooner Stebbins
informed us thus there wus J 15,000 in Span
ish coin iu each box, und thut overy box was
in good order, I could not help but express
my uiuuLomeut over tho find, aud ho calmly
replied:
"Well, you see, iiio'n tho woman are great
lunula to dream, and we dreamed it all out
There wasn't much ehuneo for a slip after wo
hud both dreamed."
But the 111 and ink chart wns no doubt
taken from the wallet of the bailor who died
in tho couutry tavern. Now York Suit.
Irw Ilia Audience, Anyway,
A wctrn clergyman drow a Urge onngr
fuUo.i to htuir lilui preach on "Unking
lack ward" by announcing lilt wibjoot lu sd
vaueo, olid thou drllverwl a UUeoun Of
lM' wif. WaWrbury American,
AN EXPERIMENT WITH A BRIDE.
lilt Game Didn't Work, but There Is a
Timo Conilnc.
A bridal couple took our train from Buf
falo for Philadelphia, and It was generally
remarked that they conducted themselves as
well as could bo expected under the circum
stances. After about four hours' ride tho
groom got off at a station where a short stop
was mode, saying to tho bride that ho wnnt
ed to sjicak to a man, but saying to one of t,bo
boys on the quiet:
"When the train starts I'll get Into the
car lichlnd, nnd she'll think I was left, Then
look out to sco tier go into fits. I'll appear ou
tho scene in time to prevent consequonces."
Tho programme as carried out. As tho
train started u drummer rushed into tiio car
and plumed himself down beside the bride
without a' question, and in five minutes ho
wns talking about tho weather, Buffalo, Phil
adelphia and u dozen other things. Sho grow
interested ut once, und did not even appear
to think of hur newly made husband. The
latter waited u quarter of tin hour, nnd then
sneaked Into the car. Ho exacted to find
her half dcud with anxiety, but sho wasn't.
Sho was talking in a very unimatcd way, aud
when he camo forward sho looked up and
said:
"That you, James! I thought you wero
left. Sit down back there somewhere."
And for two hours ho "sot," while that
drummer held the fort, und everybody wus
tickled to death. Later ou one of tho boys
said to him:
"Your experiment didn't work as you
thought it would, did it!'1
"Not exactly," wus tho reply, "but you
wuitl You ought to bo around to-night when
I lick her with a wet to well" Now York
Suu.
Quito DtnVri-nt.
Justice (to student) You nro accused by
Mr. Meyer, who lives across tho street from
your room, of insulting him.
Student (surprised) In what way hnvo I
insulted him! .
Justice Ho alleges that you continually
call your dog Meyer.
Student May I be permitted to nsk Mr.
Meyer a question!
Mr. Meyer Vat is it you vaut to know!
Student Mr. Meyer, how do you spellyour
name!
Mr. Meyer I spells my name M-o-y-o-r.
Student I thought so. Your honor will
perceivo ut once how groundless Mr. Meyer's
charges are when I inform your honor that
my dog spells his naino M-a-y-e-r. Texas
Sittings.
Ilefcngu In Swept.
First Bootblack You had er quarrel wld
Nidsey, Billy!
Rycond Bootblack Yos. I had. ver hot.
and I'm ngoiu' to have my revenge, too.
V. B. Uoiu'.ter light him!
S. It. Xn. siroo. Pin lp-nhi1 tn stnncl nsirlrt
of him when lie's n shiuin' a gent, and when
ho uets tliroiirli 1 in ajiour ter say, "shine.
bir ?" Boston Courier.
Hail ik Carload uf IIIm Own.
Sceno Interior of a sleeping car. Timo
Midnight. Place Tho Horshoo bend.
Enthusiastic Traveler (thrusting hand into
berth and rudely shaking sleeping manager)
U ake up, quick, und look out ut tho beau
tiful scenery I
Manager (yawning) Ilnng tho beautiful
scenery 1 I'vo got a carload of my own
aboard .this train. Dramatic Mirror.
WUut Worried Hhu.
"You look worried."
"Yes," replied Charlio Cashgo.
"Do you find that you can't get out of
debt!"
"Well, that isn't the trouble, exactly. .My
tailor has ussured mo thut I can't get in auy
further." Washington Post.
A WImi Conclusion.
"Did you ever think of going on the
stage!"
'Yes, ut one timo I thought seriously of
it."
"How seriously!"
"So seriously thnt I decided not to."
Lowell Citizen.
Vs und No.
"Do you get credit for all your articles that
aro copied!"
Humorist Oh yes, I get credit for every
thing hut my groceries. Yunkeo Blade.
A J nr.
Leila A present from Charlie, papal Ah,
he's u man after my own heart I
Father Nonsensol He's a man after your
own money I Judy.
A Man with Some I'eellne.
"Here, let that dog be I'll teach you to
be kind to uuimalsl'' said tho kind hearted
father as ho knocked his 10-yeur-old boy
down. West Shore.
Not a New Kind.
Hawkins What kind of jokes does .young
Tompkins write!
Jawklns Alleged, I believe. Puck.
Identincd.
"Who Is that fellow who has been talking
about Withers all the evening!"
"That's Withers." Puck.
An Iutertlii Interview.
Clerk If you please, sir, I shall havo to
ask you to excuse mo for the rest of tho day.
I havo Just heard of er an addition to my
family.
Employer Is that so, Tenfold! What is
It, loy or girl!
Clerk Well, sir, tho fact Is r (some
what embarrassed), it's two boys.
Employer Twins, eh! Young man, I'm
ufrald you are putting on too many heirs.
Munsey's Weekly. .
A Krprtltlun.
My bondac of tiio put U broken,
I brvsilho the warm, frvo air again, '
I'vo seen thy face aud thou hut sjioWen,
SnapKl are tho links that mado thechala.
Tliu chain of years that held mo faxt
And bound me to that loutf a0;
That aad time when i parted Ust,
You atuMrred mo, "I do not Icnonr."
Blx weary years mnco wo bad parted
Again I sou tit tlice )eUrday ;
I was not o r flekio hearted,
Yrt 1 tlUUked ho lull delay,
"Unett thou met" I lukod uuoo mar
And widUfcl tor thy aucr low)
You ake IlitfftJiuu word a beforo,
Far you ivphwl- ' I tit uov- No, "
-KUl Bvott )llu4 la Yvuoftlutf'i S.
He Didn't Do It.
They are still telling a political story of tho
last Campaign, and of tho experience of a
Chicago orator who went out Into the coun
try to help a friend, and who spoke in a town
where his friend wasn't popular. The orator
failed to charm the playful audience, and was
rotten egged off the platform. Upon his re
turn, the friend, after hearing of the egg ad
venture asked him commiseratingly:
"Did you succumb, Bill!"'
"Suck 'em! Bet your sweet life I didn't
suck 'em! I clum out of tho back window 1"
Merchant Traveler
A KfliiiUe.
Boston Girl (who .has never seen a turkey
before) You naughty chicken, put down
your clothes! Life.
Couldn't Agree.
Tom Dabbs and Mort Spillers, two colored
gentlemen, formed a copartnership to do a
general plastering business. One morning,
tho second day after articles of agreement
had been drawn up, Dabbs seized an ux linn
die nnd knocked Spillers down and beat him
unmercifully. Spillers got up, rubbed his
head, and turning to n white man that stood
near, said:
"Dis proves one thing, sho'. Ef it keeps on
dis way mo uu' dis man kuin't agree." Ar
kausaw Traveler.
Warned.
Mammy Julo Looky heah, LInkum,
doan't yo nebbah ag'iu lem mo see yo' shin
niu' up ono ob dem telegram poles mind
datl
Linkum (aged 10) Why, mammy, whar's
do ha'm!
Mammy Julo Ha'm, boy! Yo' climb up
dar en tech ono ob dem wlahs when hits full
ob 'lectrisitism en yo'U como walkin' homo
daid dars whurdo ha'm is, my son. Detroit
Freo Press.
Tliu Knsaceil Ones.
She When wo nro married, sparrow mine,
do you intend to make a wedding trip to
Europe!
Ho (a widower, of course) No, my caramel,
I shall tako n trip by that ruilroad which jias
tho mo.-t tunnels, so thut
Sho (sultused with blushes) Ohl sparrow
minol Yenowine's News.
He Knew.
"Mamma, I know the gentleman's name
that called to see Aunt Ellle last night und
nobody told me, either."
"Well, then, what is it, Bobbie!"
"Why, George Don't. I heard her say
Georgo don't in tho parlor four or fivo times
hand running. That's what his namo is."
Philadelphia Times.
Didn't Try To.
Ho And you was in tho car as it sped
down thut steep decline!
Sho Yes, indeed I
Ho I don't see how you could huve caught
your breath.
Sho I didn't under tho circumstances; you
see I was so frightened I just held it. West
Shore.
She Was a Woman.
"Wait a minute, dear," sho called coaxing
ly, ns sho was leisurely putting on her gloves.
"Timo and tide wait for no" man," ho re
siKnided Impatiently at tho foot of the stairs.
"Aud I um no man," sho said with a mock
ing littlo luugh that ho felt liko throwing a
hundred dollar vnso at. Washington Star.
Good Tralnlnc.
Landlady (to actor) And you are going to
leave me!
"Yes; I only meant to stay until I perfect
ed myself in the part I am going to play this
evening."
"What part is that, pray!"
"Tho 'lean and hungry Cussius.'" Life,
Tuklnc III Measure.
Amy I would like to buy young Mr. Gos
lin a cane 'for a birthday present if I could
only get his measure.
Mabel Why, how can a man bo measured
for a cane!
Amy By taking tho circumference of his
mouth when open. Judge.
The Cute Itentated.
"As a life long day laborer, havo you no
grievances!"
"Yes sir."
"What aro they!"
"Morning comes too quick and the after
noons are too long." Chicago Times.
What Our ArtUt IIu to Put Up With
and How lie Iletallutea.
She Oh, he may bo a genius. But I con
fess I don't care for the society of geniuses)
He How very personal of youl It's as if
I were to confess I didn't care for tho society
of handsomo women I Punch.
II Knew the Race.
Self Important Stranger (to hotel clerk)
Do you, aw, know who I am) I am Lord
Flubdub, sir.
Clerk Indeed I Well, I'll warn the guests,
and dou't you try to steal anything. Law
rence American.
Jut Turn a New Leaf.
Johnuy Papa, I'll have to have a new
reader at once.
Papa Isn't the old one good enough!
"Yes, but tho teacher says I'll have to turn
over a new leaf to-morrow or lea vo school,"
Epoch.
He Needn't, but
Son Mr. Jones said you needn't pay him
that bill you owe him, but
Father Mr. Jones is very kind.
Son But that if you didn't he'd como and
black both your eyes. Yankee Blade.
Au Kxceptlou,
"T tpll roll 'Hills' ii alwuva At thn onil nt
tho book; never lit tho middle or first part." .
"I'll bet you a liver jou'll find it under 'F i
In tho dictionary.' JIurKr a Bazar.
AU fur Lore.
"Does she lovo him!"
"I should say sot Why, sho gave up a (CO
ie mouth position to marry him, aud he's
ouly earning HU." Chicago Times.
So Thrrtt Wat.
"O, James, com quickly Freddy has swal
lowed his mouth organ,"
"U that vil Thou there's muiio in tho
heir,"-Yenowine's News.
At Ilia Hull Tight,
Flrt American Which wunl
Koond American Iwk like a to up, but
I guru I'll Ut on the bull Yimou luo't Kowa.
MR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
BT URS. BOWSER.
After supper the other night Mr. Bowser
went to his overcoat pocket and got out a
small book and began reading it, and after
waiting long enough to let him understand
that I had no curiosity on tho subject I
queried:
"Something now on poultry P ,
"No." K
"It isn't Hoy lor
"No."
"Well, whatlsitr
"I can tell you the title of it, but you can't
understand. It is a very, very deep work."
"Oh, it isl You can understand a very,
very deep work and I can't."
"Naturally. Man has the stronger, deeper
mind, of courso. The tltlo of this work is:
'Nature's Diseases and Remedies Control of
the Body by the Mind.' "
"Bosh I"
'What! What's that!"
"You aro too old to wasto timo on such
nonsense, Mr. Bowser."
"Noilsensol Why, it's the plainest prlnci
pie of philosophy in tho world Tho human
body is but clay, tho soul is immortal. Tho
I soul is tho mind. Tho mind ought to bo able
to control the body."
"Yes, in some cases."
"In ull cases, .Mrs. Bowser. For lustancoT
you stub your too. it nurts. i on set your
nilud turn to bomethlug elseipjuf tho pain
ceases."
"Humph I" S
"That's itl That's tho ustWwayof tho
ignorant ridicule whut they cSi't arguo und
discuss in a sensible manner, l havo often
wondered if you really had a soul."
"Don't worry yourself, Mr. Bowser. If I
haven't got any soul I'vo got somo common
sense."
"Very well. It's no uso to talk to a person
brought up in u log house on tho edge of a
huckleberry marsh. I know that tho mind
enn control tho body. You deny it. I hopo
I to furnish you with proofs within the week."
Ho was to furnish them that night. Wo
I wero about ready to go up stairs and ho had
I been out bareheaded and in his slippers toseo
I If tho barn door wus locked, when ho sudden
ly guvo a great start aud cried out:
"Gee mi my to Johusonl"
"What's tho matter P
"That tooth tried to jump clean out of my
head. Whew I Yil Hang itl"
Ho sat down to hold his jaw and heavo to
i i l . ..:.!. i
UUU II U, UilU I Willi
"Your tootli jumps. It hurts you. Yoifs,
let your mind turn to something elo and tho
pain ceases."
He looked up at me with tlio glint of pound
ed glass in Ids eyes, and was ubout to reply in
kind, when the jumper jumped in ou him
again and ho seized his jaw and yelled:
"Great Scots to seatteration,- but I can't
stand thisl Get me some camphor!"
I got him some, and after a timo tho pain
eased up and lie went to bod. Ho expected
me to say something ubout "Control of tho
Body by tho Mind," but I was waiting. I
knew that ho wouldn't get olF so eusily, und
could afford to give him a littlo timo. I wus
just falling asleep when Mr. Bowser suddenly
lifted ins feet high in air aud uttered a whoop
which set a neighbor's dog to burking, fol
lowed by tho remark:
"Thunder nnd lightning!"
"Mr. Bowser, uro you asleep!" I asked.
"Asleep! Nol Vm dcu'dl Say, thi? con
founded thing bus come back ou mo I Where's
that camphor!"
"On tho bureau, deur, but it won't do you
no good."
"Oh-li-h-hl JewhittaJter! My sturs nujl
soul, but she's jumping my jaw right out uT
Its socket! I'vo got to havo something done
for me or I won't iivo ten minutes!"
"Pshaw, Mr. Bowser havo somo spunk
about youl What is a littlo'toothachol"
"GritI gritl" ho shouted, as ho danced
around on ono leg. "I'vo got moro grit than
any seven families like jours rolled together;
but this is awful awful! Aro you going to
lie there and boo mo drop dead!"
"You cau stop it if you will. Just Ho down
und put your mind at work. Think of some
thing elso. Think of being out in tho woods
at a May day festival beautiful Uowers
happy children green"
"Green whoop 1 I I shut up!" ho
yelled. "Haven't we got any paregoric In
the house!"
1 had to get up and go dowu and stir up tho
fire, und make a warm poultice for his jaw,
and fuss around for an hour, and be finally
grow easier. Then I said to him:
"Mr. Bowser, you brought homo a book
last night."
"Never."
"You brought homo a book about tho con
trol of tho body by the mind." t
"No, I didn't I"
"Iu your argument you declared that the
soul was the mind, and thut tho mind had
control of the body."
"Get into bed aud keep still."
"No, sirl You stub your too. It hurts.
You let your mind turn to somo"
"I never said itl"
"Mr. Bowber, what cured your toothacbo
faith, imagination or liquids!"
"I I who's talking about toothache! Mrs.
Bowser, you get into bed and go to sleep, and
in the morning I'll havo a long talk with
you. We don't seem to be mated to each
other, aud tho matter can probably be ar
ranged to our mutual satisfaction and with
out publicity."
Next morning ho got down stairs and got
hold of the book first, aud I afterwards found
somo of the leaves scattered in tho back
yard. Detroit Free Press.
Sunplclous.
"What did hubby do whllo bis wifoy was
away!" asked tho dear creature on her re
turn. "I played solitaire nearly overy evening,"
ho replied, sheepishly. K
"Who with!" was the next query, in a ton
of deep suspicion. Now York Herald.
Injured Inuoceuce.
Pollco Magistrate (to tough looking cus
tomer) If you did not steal this watch, a
you claim, how does it happen you were
found with it hidden in your bootleg!
Prisoner (haughtily) That's where I al
ways carry my watch, your honor I Chicago
Tribune.
He Wa Sorry.
Minister (to small boy) Sonny, do you
chew tobacco!
Small Boy Sorry, mister; I Just put tha
last in mo mouth. Jester.
The Starring Tour.
Fakir (tho tragedian) Ha, how fortunaU
I ami Jutt thiuk of tha rel of (ho oouipauy
footing it homo over tho tlu4, weary and foot,
and without khelturlIJfa,
r y