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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (May 30, 1889)
THE LIGHTNING-ROD MAN. Hotr on Indtxlduiil h ltrnil.V-Miilo Mn tltlo Swindles rurmpr. How is It that you till manage to sell so many lightning roils?" wag nsked the other day ci an agent who makes Pennsylvania his stamping ground. "Hecauso people want thoin. ho re plied. "It Is rare that you can sell oneinatown or city nowadays, but jilno farmers out of ten want them." "Do theybcliovo In thorn?" 'They do after I have pot through talking. It Is the man who is not posted" who brings reproach on the lightning-rod business. To be a suc cessful business mau you must be loaded." How?" "Welt. I call upon a farmer who has just built a line barn. Ho has been told that rods are X. G. Ho receives me very coldly, and promptly an nounces his belief that I am a hum bug. 1 laugh and pretend to feel very jolly, and presently bring out weapon number one." "What is that?" "The losses sustained on barns by f fire insurance companies doing busi ness in tho State. I show him that in ono year 2, MO barns were struck by lightning and consumed. Of this num ber only four had rods. Thoy were, of course, the rods made by a rival company. Our rods would havo saved them. Then comes weapon number two. I show him a list of 7,000 barns on which we have rods, and not ono of them has evor been damaged." "And ho is convinced?" "Oh, no. I havo a wholo battery in reserve. 1 get tho position of his barn by compass, and then find at least three reasons why it is unusually exposed to lightning. I adviso him to cut down certain trees in case he won't havo a rod. and otTor to bot him 100 to $2 J that his barn will be struck inside of a year. I explain how thunder storms originate, what attracts lightning, which corner of his barn is tho most liablo to be struck, and why our rod beats all." "Where do vou get all your sta tistics?" Mako thorn for myself, sir. I may be a little over or a little under, but it makes no difference to tlio farmer. I havo tho number of barns burned in tho United States last year. I made my own figures. Ho can accopt them or not. I don't press him to buy a rod. but I am bound to give statistics. Ho invites mo to stay to dinnor, and after dinnor I demonstrate tho virtues of our rod." "How?" "Hy an electric battery. 1 havo only to show him tho sparks and Hashes on tho point to make him be lieve. Then I talk about 'circuits.' grounded wires,' 'induction,' 'attrac tion' and so on, and ho gets in such a hurry for a rod that wo have to work far into tho evening." "Doos your conscience ovor trouble you?" "Never. Every body should havo a lightning-rod ono of our own make. Thoy are ornamental. Thoy give a jaunty air to roofs and chimneys. Thoro is no delicato machinery to get out of order. It is no expenso to run one after it is up. While you aro olT huckloberrying in tho daytimo or asleep at night tho 1' rhtning-rod is at tending right to business and not charging a cent. Xo, sir, my con science is as clear as a boll, and my sales this year will be one-third larger than la-t. I'vo got statistics to show that every barn in tho State equipped with our rods escaped hurricanes and cyclones as well as thunderbolts last vear." X. Y. Sun. LONG-TAILED SAINTS. How Apos Ain IVoritlilpnl III .Sumo Por tions or India. Tho European residents of British India aro olten astounded at. tho ab surdities of idol worship which tho Rrahmins continue to enforce oven upon tho more intelligent classes of tho natives; but the most propostor ous of those superstitions cortainly seem tho worship of three or four doz en varieties of mischievous apes. Some of thoso long-tailed demigods are re vered merely as distant relatives of tho monkey-saint Hannmau, whilo others (tho Entollus ape, for Instance, and tho Rhesus Mncacus) are considered so ineffably holy that their murder would bo worse than homicido; and in tho consciousness of their inviolable sanctity tho objects of that worship consequently recognize no human rights which a four-handed saint Is obliged to respect. Thoy entor store houses In broad day-timo, and must bo tolerated in doferenco to the preju dices of tho natives; though if their movements aro not constantly watched thoy aro sure to utilize their business opportunities with tho colorlty of a Now York alderman. In orchards their depredations aro limited only by tho capacity of tholr paunches; but no orthodox Hindoo ovor oxpols them by direct forco, and he seems to consider it a fair compromlso if ho can manage to gather a twenty per cent share of his own crop. Thoro aro special in firmaries devoted to tho rollof of de crepit four-handors; and tho tostlmony of hundredth of intelligent foreigners has established tho fact that during various famines, that almost depopu- lated tho villages of tho afllictcd dls l i trlcts, thoso monkey hospitals woro supplied with nn abundanco of food; and a starving truo-boliovor would mltlgato his distress by robbing a torn plo as soon as by touching tho storos collected for tho support of his sacred lung-tails. Drake's Mugnzlna, Xinoteon Congregational ohurohos havo boon organized In Iowa during the past twolvo months. MEDICAL SCIENCE. Doctor Don't Know so Much m Some l'olk Think Tlicj- Do. The disagreements among physicians on points In their profession, that by this time should cortainly bo so well es tablished as to bo irrefutable wore mediclno an exact science, has led many intelligent jeoplo to think that, outsido of anatomy, doctors know but littlo moro thnn other folks. Doctors disagree not nlono In diag nosing or attempting to euro diseases, but also as to the means for prevent ing them. Almost every article used by man for food, drink or raiment has been both recommended and condemn ed by differing medical schools, and frequently with no consideration for tho varying natures and environment of men. Xot many years ago there was a great pother about tho habit, among both mon and womon, of holding up certain articles of clothing by a snugly fitting waistband, ttnd all sorts of contrivances for this purpose were invented for wo men, generally patterned after men's braces, tho design of which was to shift tho weight from tho hips to tho shoul ders. Xow comes an English doctor with a series of casos of consumption, chief among which aro this: "Rrnocs aro another curso of civilization by suspending tho weight of our clothes from our shoulders instead of fastoning them in tho 'savage' and natural way, by a girdle round tho waist." In tills as in other things peoplo "pay their money and take their choice." being as sured that whatovcr thoy do they will havo some sort of medical authority to back them. Tho most damaging testimony against medicine as an exact, reliable science comes from its own great practitioners. Thus tho famous Dr. Aborcromble said that "Since first cultivated as a science, medicine is fraught with tho highest degreo of uncertainty. Wo can not properly bo said to act upon experience, as wo do in oilier branches of science." Sir Astley Cooper, tho celebrated sur geon, said in a hospital lecture: "The art of mediclno is founded on conjec ture." Dr. Hoffman, tho most cele brated physician of the eighteenth cen tury, wrote: "As regards most med icines tho physician is deceived, as their true properties aro quito unknown, and we know of no general law ol naturo for tholr remedial employment in disease." And our own Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes holds pretty much the samo view, as ho says: "If all drugs woro cast into tho sea it would bo so much tho hotter for men and so much tho worse for tho fish." Perhaps a great advance has been mndo in tho science of mediclno since theso great professors wroto and spoko, but it can not yet by any means be classed among tho exact sciencos. Many now remedial agents havo un doubtedly been added to tho phar macopoeia, and somo of thorn are, no doubt, good in curing diseaso or allevi ating pain, but tliu professional gontlo mon who prescribes ono of them or half a dozen of them in combination is never perfectly sure as to what tho ro sult of thoir administration to a patient will be. Pittsburgh Chronicle. A PECULIAR TRADE. Tlio Dollcuto Work Done, by nn Old Ger man Doll Monder. "This doll that I tun working on now has received an injury which is a vory difficult ono to treat- You notico that tho poor thing has had her oyo punched in, and I'vo got to take off the top of her head to get it out. First, you ob serve I warm her flaxon hair over tills heater, which molts tho glue or cement, and allows mo to scalp her thus. Then I punch a hole in tho back of her head and shako out tho oyo, put on a pieco of plaster, replace her hair and cement her oyo into placo as good as new." Tho doll mender says that so many of tho modorn toys aro mndo of iron that his business has been greatly in terfered with; theso toys being inde structible, thoy novor requiro his ser vices. In tho dull season tho toy mender mends china, glass and wood carvings. From this you will seo that toy mending requires a delicate touch and much patience, besides a certain artistic sense, A few years ago a lady, calling, upsot a tablo on which was an almost priceless sot of coffee-cups. Thoy wero vory valuable in themselves, and woro mndo moro vahmblo because a gift from a vory dear friend. What was to bo dono? Thoro lay tho pieces, not ono larger than a flvo-cont piece. Evory cup and Baucor was dlfforent In decoratloa from evory other cup and saucer, and it seomod hopeless to think of matching thorn with tho pieces all mixed up. Evory fragmont was care fully picked up, and taken to a little old shop whoro was a littlo old man famous for mondlng delicato objects. Ho grow vory much oxcltod when shown tho pieces, and sold ho could mond tho set if not all, at least some. A fow weeks later tho sot was returned, ovory pleco perfect to tho eye, and tho only way to discover that thoy had over been broken was by holding a pleco up to tho light; then thoro woro soon dark linos running in ovory direction. What wonderful skill and patience it required to do that work! Christian Union. A Bnlttmoroan recently dropped nslcop on a park bench, when, his head falling forward, ho unconsciously choked to death ovor tho still edge of his celluloid collnr. A dog died in Illi nois tho other day from drinking tho wator In which a llannol bhlrt had been rlnBod. A St. Louis man died of ery sipelas contracted from a verdigris brass collar-button eating into his nock; and a man in Chicago was roasted to death by tho firing of his cotton undercloth in as dried boloro anopcn crate. THE PRINTER'S DEVIU Ptippopil Origin of ii Popular Ktpre!on Now In fSpuprnt t'p. In the year 149J Aldo Manuzio, the founder of tho celebrated Aldino press, settled in Venice, and began what prov ed to bo his life work, the gigantic task of preserving the literature of Greece from accident, further thnn that which had already befallen it in tho Katern Empire by committing its chief mas terpieces to type. To this scholarly Italian, "printer of tho Holy Church and the Droge of Venice," wo owo our printer's devil. Manuzio, or Mnnutius (for he Is moro familiar known by his Latin name). had in his employ a lltt'o negro boy. who was accustomed to run errands and make himself generally useful about the establishment. Outsiders, with whom he came in contact, and to whom a negro was an unfatnilar sight, re garded the boy with a superstitious awe that gradually deepened Into a terrified belief that his color Indicated an un holy Intimacy with the prince of dark ness. The report was, therefore, cir culated that Mnnutius was In league with the devil. Xow this seems, on the surface, ab surdly improbable, but when wo re member the ago and tho superstition with which the nation of Southern Europe havo from all time considered an object of novelty, the ease seems most possible. Moreover, the ancient monkish legends taught that tho devil had been known to assume tho form and color of a negro, having appeared in the previous century before St. Vin cent Forrier In the gulso of an Ethio pian who threatened him with war to the death; and again, In like form, he had tormented St. John of Egypt in the desert, mocking and insulting b in during a long fast. Tho association of ideas was, therefore, in this case not a new one. To protect himself and tho boy from persecution, however, and to satisfy the curious that his slave was not an emis sary of Satan, tho printer madt a proclamation in church to tho following effect: "I. Aldus Manutius, printer to tho Holy Church, have this day made public i-xposuro of toe printer's devil. All who think ho is not llesh and blood may come and pinch him." And from these circumstances arose In Venice the somewhat unintelligible expression a "printer's devil." "This character," says a member of tho press, speaking feelingly, "is al most identical with the origin of the art (of printing), and wo nitty consider ourselves peculiarly fortunate in hav ing a guardian exclusively assigned to us, from whom, notwithstanding his generally roprehensible conduct to other people, wo have so littlo to ap prehend." Moxon tells us that in for mer times tho duty of tho printer's devil was to stand by tho tympan on which tho blank sheets of paper wore spread, and take them from tho frame as fast as thoy woro printed; and ho adds that, in consequence of tholr handling tho fresh Ink so constantly, "thoy do commonly so black and be daub themselves that tho workmen do jocosely call thorn devils." Printer's slang seemed to combine tho extremes of good and ovil. From tho circumstanco that Caxton's print ing press was set up in the Scriptorium of Westminster Abbey, tho association with that placo led tlio apprentices to designato black smears niado by too nuiih ink on tho sheet, "monies," while a space unintentionally loft blank was known as a "friar." Thus tho good fathers were forced to keep company with the evil ono without any volition of their own. Ro-woll says that ono day, while talking of a vory rospectable author. Dr. Johnson related tho fact that ho had married a printer's devil, at which Sir Joshua Reynolds exclaimed: "A printer's dovil, sir! Why, I thought a printer's devil was a ereaturo with a black face, and in rags." "Yes, sir." replied Johnson, "but I suppose ho had her face washed and put clean clothos on her." In this account neither Sir Joshua, nor Johnson, nor any of tho largo company present expressed any surprlso at tho existonco of a female printer's devil; and thoro Is reason to suppose that women woro not infre quently employed to assist in tho work of printing, sinco Stock, in his "Life ol Dr. Heddoes," spoaks of a woman's nltnblo and delicate lingers as being particularly woll adapted to tho office of compositor. It it to be hoped that in so anomalous a position sho was careful to "mind her p's and q's." American Xotes and Querlos. A Soap Miner's Yarns. Tho natural soap mines of Owen's Lake, Cal., aro thus accounted for by ono of tho company now working them. Ho says that tho waters of tho lake contain a strong solution of borax and soda. In these waters thoro breeds n grub that becomes a Hy. Tho Hies die in tho wator and drift ashoro, covering tho ground to a depth of a foot or more. Tho oily substance of tho Hies blonds with tlio borax and soda, and tho result Is a layer of pure soap. Thoso strata repeated from year to year form the soap mines, whoro largo forces of mon nro now employed. This soap minor U quoted in a San Francisco paper as fol lows: "Thoro Is another queer thing about tho waters of thoso lakes. ou shoot a duck thoro and fall to got it, I and in a littlo while, when It drifts I ashore, you will find that it.s fat breast and sides havo changed to an ologant I toilot soap, and you can chip It off mid iibo it and it is just a nice as any re fined soap." X. Y. Sun. If happiness bo only freedom from mental wire and phyeloal pain, than lit bgt sooiirltltw are a hard heart und o btrong blomuch. ONE AGAINST A HUNDREt). Ilerolr Dpfpiup of n Ship Attnrkpd ly a Multltudp of Siivngp. About 1SJW Captain Silas Jonos. now president of tho First Xationnl Hank of this town, snys a Falmouth (Mass.) letter to tho Xow York Herald, sailed from Wood's lloll as third officer In the ship Awashonks. Captain Collins, on a four-yoto s' cruise in the South Pa cific ocean. This voyage was ono ol most intense excitement and hair breadth adventure, and, whilo Captain Jones is of a quiet and unassuming character and not fond of putting his glory before the world, yet your corre spondent obtained a story full of inter est and ono that is not known to have been published, although in years past it was a theme of much discussion. The vessel had a crow of about thirty-live men, including captain, first, second and third officers, and made the voyage an tiud Cape Horn without in cident. She cruised about tlio South seas, and when eighteen months out had TOO barrels of line oil In her hold. Closing in with a group of island just north of the equator Captain Col lins decided to muko a trade with the natives. Tho ship was hove to, with most of her sails set, in a small bay where the calm water rotlected the strip of white sand, green palms, and tropical plants that skirted its margin tts well as the purple hills of tho inte rior. A number of native dugouts put out to the ship and made fast to her chains and the savages clambered over the vessel's rail. At a favorable signal a fierce yell burst from their dusky throats, causing tho ears of those who heard it to tremble and their hearts to quail. In less time than It takes to write it the ship's decks wero full ol natives and the unarmed crew made foi tlio rigging, jibboons and forecastle in fact, anywhere to escape tho blood thirsty islanders. Tlio fight thatensued.wns a desperate and Indiscriminate melee. Tho natives had been so suro of a surprise that they had formed no plan of attack, depend ing entirely on thoir overwhelming numbers. At tho first rush Captain Collins and the first mate wore engaged in a desperate hand-to-hand conlllcl with somo of tho savages who had availed themselves of tho ship's out-ting-in spades, and tho poor men wore immediately hacked to pieces. Thomas Clifford, of Falmouth, a seaman, made a bolt for tho forecastle, and received a blow fiom a spado. lie carries tin scar across his forehead to this day, and it is a most unpleasant reminder ol that bloody nmssaere. Captain Jones, then a youth of about twenty, found himself surrounded by a number of infuriated natives, each struggling for a whack at him with keen-edged spades. Ho niaunged tc parry tho blows, jumping into the vessel's hold, and crawled among the tiers of oil-casks in tho cabin. Hero he found tho steward and two seamen on tho tloor covered with wounds inllictod by tho murderous spades. The rest ol tho ship's company wore either ah .ft oi cooped up in tho forecastle In one corner of tho cabin was tho magazine, containing tho muskets and ammuni tion. Seizing tlio muskets Captain Jones gave tliom to tho wounded mer to load, while ho sot about rescuing the Awashonks. The natives wero scattered ovor the decks, stealing what they could got their hands on. They plucked up the ring-bolts from the deck's rails and tugged at thoni when two tons' strain would not havo pulled them out. Thoy pried at bolts and straps, picked at nail heads, wrenched down kottlos and stovo-plpes and throw them In the canoes. Tho chief, an ill-visaged ras cal, was at the wheel endeavoring to beach the vessel, but ho was not up in navigation. First ho put tho wheel down, and tho sails not filling ho put the wheel up. Slowly tho Awashonks headed off and gathered headway to ward the beach. An Indian who lived in Mashpee, some ten miles from here, cut the braces and tho sales wero taken aback. A shower of arrows and heath enish maledictions wero hurled at him as ho sought sholtor in tho tops. The vossol lost headway, but tho chief con tinued his experiment with tho rudder. The cabin, whoro Captain Jonos had taken refuge, was lighted by two win dows In tho stern and a largo skylight overhead. When tho enemy joorod into thoso apertures a well-directed bul ct sent them away in hot hnstu. For ovor an hour this skirmish be tween a desparato man and a hundred murderers continued. As fast as the wounded men could load tho muskets Captain Jonos would put their contents whoro thoy did tho most good and the islanders began to havo a wholsome fear of tho window and sot about do vising some better method of attack. Looking up through tho skylight during tho quiet that followed Captain Jones saw tho chlof at tho whool in his frantio endeavor to beach tho vossol. Taking careful aim at his broad, naked chest, ho pulled tho trigger. Tho bul let passed through tho deck, and, bav in.' spent its forco, rolled along the planking, to tho chlof'ri very feet. The savago loft the helm, inspected tho bul let hole, and then laid a pleco of board ovor tho splintered plank, lie then re- ' turned to tho wheel as unconcornod as could bo. Anothor bullet from the musket pierced his heart and tho life loss form rolled into the scupper. I At the death of tr -lr ehloftain tho Islanders fled panic- trlekon to tho shore and tho Awns'. onks was labor iously put to sua. Shf soon fell in with a merchantman. Captain Proctor, and j was brought to Wood's Holl by a por- ' lion of tho merchant c ew. Captain Jonos was offered a master's horth by tho owncra of tho whaler ho had so bravely dofendoJ. and up to 1801 i ho follow ed tho bea in that capacity. MR. BIXBY'S EXPERIENCE. How ii Oooil Mun' Ardor for "I'nrpotunt I'ofiin" Win Ooolpd Forppr. Mr. and Mrs. Hlxbv had boon mar ried ten years and tho blessing of chil dren had been denied them, a fact that snused them deep regret- Mrs. Hlxby often said: "It must bo so sweet and in'oresting to witness the unfolding and developing of tho infant mind." "Ah. yes." said Hlxby, "a child In tho home must Indeed be a woll spring of joy,' a sort of a perpetual poem." It was soon after making those speeches that they went to an orphan asylum and adopted "littlo Jaeky," an Interesting youth of about nine years. Thoy hurried homo with their prize, eager to witness at once tho unfolding of his juvenile mind. It began to unfold nnddevolop before ho had boon ten minutes In tho house. Latent and unsuspected, as woll as un doslrod tendencies, began to mani fest themselves In Hlxby' s "perpetual poem." Hoforo a week Hlxby had changed his mind about a child In tho house be ing a "well spring of joy." Ho said it was more like a "sink holo of," but Mrs. Hlxby wouldn't lot him say ii all; sho said it sounded too much llko swear ing. At tho end of six weeks Hlxby trans ferred tho boy and all his right In him to a ranch owner out West who was on tho hunt for "perpotual poems" out of which ho might make good cow-boys. Hlxby thought Jacky was just tho hoy tlio ranch-man wanted. Ho had formed this opinion from tho "unfold ing" ho had witnessed of Jaeky's young mind and developments of six weeks. In summing up his losses aftorwnrd Hlxby said to a friend: "I wouldn't have ono of those things In the house again for five hundred dol lars a week. If I thought I'd over havo ono of my own now I'd go and take a wholo paokago of arsenic, and Mrs. Hlxby would drown herself. "That boy I bad for six wcoks dld-n't leave a wholo pieco of furniture in tho house when ho loft. Ho poisoned our splendid old Maltese cat tho second dav; ho klllod my Plymouth Hock rooster tho next day; ho broke nlno of tho piano keys, and scratched his name on each of tho four logs with a nail. lie broke our pior glass with a tack hammer; toro all tho ongravlngs out of ton costly books; tlod my mother-in- law's wig on the dog's bond and turnod him loose. Then ho took her teeth and fixed them so ho could work them with a string and carried thom off to school whoro lie traded them for four glass marbles. "Ho sot llro to tho barn twlco and tried to paint all tho white parts of my horso rod. Ho broko or toro or mash ed something ovory ton minutes. Ho insulted ovory body who camo to tho house. Ho fought Hkoa tiger whon I tried to take my revolver from him. think ho had two fights a day ovory day for six wcoks. Xoxt time I want to seo any thing unfold Itself I'll go off and got a half-grown hyena and turn It loose In tho hotiso so I can havo somo poaco during the unfolding process." Time, BRAINS ALWAYS WIN. An KntorprUliiR l';ddUir Who Umlorntood I tlx IIiihIik'kh. Stranger Hog pardon, madam, for calling you to tho door, but will you bo kind enough to toll mo who that Igno rant, vulgar, commonplaco woman In tho house across tho way Is? Mrs. Ciabb That's Mrs. Stuckup. "Stuckup. Thank you. I must ro member tho namo so as not to wasto any time on hor In tho future. How did such a hopelessly ignorant woman got on this vory rcspoctablo street, I won dor?" "I'm suro I don't know. I called on hor once, but bIio novor returned It, and that ended our acquaintance, you may bo sure, tho odious thing." "I should say so. Why, that woman wouldn't know a lady from an orang outang; sho wouldn't know a bright spoon from a black ono. It's an actual fact that It Isn't 11 vo minutes sinco she said sho had novor hoard of thoSklhlgu silver polish; and whon I oven went to tho troublo to brighten a spoon for hor sho said it looked just the samo. Never saw such Ignorance. I suppose you have always used tho Skihlgh polish, ol courso. You havo tho bright, cheery beautiful appcaranco of ladies who do, but porhaps your supply Is most out. and in that case " "I bollovo it is. I'll tako a package11 "It comes in cans, madam. Ono do! lar, please. Thanks." Philadelphia Record. A Change of Base, Fond Fathor Julia, my dear, you know I refused young Snlggloby's ro quost to marry you last ovonlng." "Yos, nnd It was real cruol." "Woll, don't cry, doar; I havo recon sidered tho mattor, and will bo glad tc havo you marry him." 'Oh, how good you aro! How did you change your mind?" "I was at tho baso-ball grounds t sco the exhibition game, and tho young man who can stop a hot groundor at Snlggloby doos lias a groat future bo fore him." Nebraska Stato Journal, Afraid of tho Cooking. "Como up to tho houso and havo din nor with mo, Charloy." "Woll, I don't caro if gracious, what a looking head! Has somobodj hit you with a brlok? Xo, wo wero fooling, and my wlf hit mo with a biscuit." "You'll havo to oxctuo mo to-night. Sum. Somo othor night, porhapa." Chicago Herald. THE BOWSER FAMILY. How M 1. roniluptPd Hlnnptf Undet Xrry TrjIiiR t'lrcuiiMtmicp. I wanted to send off for a lady's fash ion magazine, and on a dozen different occasions I begged of Mr. Howscr t write tho letter and send off thi money. He kept promising und neg lecting, man-like, but ono ovenlng he said: "(live mo the namo of that magazine nnd I will got a letter off to-morrow." "It's gone," 1 answered. "Who sent it?" "I did." " "Humph! Do you mean to toll me that vou wroto a business letter?" "1 do. I ordered the magazlno and sent In a year's subscription. 1 "What did you write?" "O, in the usual form." "And chucked the two dollars into the letter. I suppose?" "Yes. sir." "Well, that's about what I would ex pect of you. You'Vl novor sco monoy or magazine again." "I won't? Why?" "Hecause, in tho first plnco, it stood just as good a chance of going to soma machine shop as to a magazlno olllco, with your stylo of directing nn envelope; and because, secondly, if somo post olllco official doesn't stoal tho money, thoy will gobble It at tho end of tho r into and swear thoy novor got it. Mrs. Howser, you nro as slmplo as a child." "Hut it may come till right." "Yes, and we may discover a box ot gold In tho back yard. There's but one way to do business." "How's that?" "Seo this P. O. money order for $38? I am going to send that to Hoston to morrow. It will go stralgliter than n crow, and thoro is no cause for worry. However, it's usoless to try to learn a woman how to do business.1' Three or four days went by, and then ho suddenly Inquired: "Havo you heard from that maga zine, Mrs. Howsor?" "Xot yet." "I suppose not. When you do honr please let mo know. After forty or fifty experiences Of this sort you miiy learn how to do business." Two days later ho asked me again, and I was then able to show him a let ter acknowledging receipt of tho money, and a copy of tho magazine. "It seems to havo gone through, 11 ho said as he handed the lottor back, "but that was owing to Providonco. Probably tho parties had heard of mo and hesitated to defraud you for fear I'd raise a row," "What about tlio order you sont off, Mr. Howsor?" He jumped out of his chair and turned pale and gasped: "Hy gum! but I'd forgotton about that! 1 ought to havo had an ac knowledgement three days ago." "Can't have boon lost, oh?" "N-no." " "It was tho only proper way to do business, wasn't ltP" "Of course It was, and of courso It got thoro all right. I'll probably got a lottor to-morrow." When the morrow camo I asked him if ho had hoard from his order. "Xot exactly," ho ropliod, "but I am cortaln that It got there safe.'1 "Hut thoy ought to acknowledgo it" "Y-o-s." "Thoro is but ono way of doing busi ness, Mr. Howsor. Whon 1 send oil money 1 receive an acknowledgment of Its arrival. You are suro you sont It?" "Suro I sont It? Do you tako mo for a lunatic. Mrs. Howsor?" "Hut It's so queer." "I don't see any thing so quoor about It. I wroto again two days ago, and I shall havo a lottor to-morrow bogging my pardon for tho delay." A lottor arrived next day. I saw by Mr. Howsor's perturbation whon ho camo homo that somothlng was wrong, and ho finally handed mo tlio lottor. It read: "No post-offlco ordor has boon re ceived from you. Please do not try any moro ehostnuts on us." "Hutyou did send it," 1 protostod. "Of courso I did." "Directed your lottor all right?1' "Certainly.11 "Stamped and posted It?" "Look horo, Mrs. Howsor, you talk ns if I didn't know enough to get aboard a street car and pay my farot1' "Hut It's so quoor. Thoro is but ono business way of doing business, Mr. Howsor. Aft.r forty or fifty experi ences of this sort you may loam how to dobuslnoss." Ho glared at mo and was too Insulted too reply. Ho wont to tho post-oflico and made complaint, nnd for tho next two wooks that lost ordor was tho topic, of conversation. Tho officials Bought to traco tho lottor, and Mr. Bowser mado affidavits to this and that, and tho hunt wns still going on whon, in dusting off ills secretary and straight ening up his looao papers, I found a lottor sealed and addressed to tho Hos ton firm. I had no doubt it coutuinod tho missing ordor. I quietly handed it to Mr. Howsor as ho camo up to din nor, and ills faco turnod all colors be fore ho could open it. "Mr. Howsor," I said, "you men folks havo curious ways of doing busi ness. It is sing " "I'd llko to know how this lottor got horo!" he demanded. "You left it horo, of course.11 "Never! Hecauso I scolded you about your careless way of sending off money, and bocauso you wanted to got oven with mo for it, you took this let ter from my pookot and dotainod It. Mrs. Hrowsor, this is tl e last straw to tho camel's loadl Do you want ali mony or a lump sum?" Next day ho was all right again, and ho oven stopped at thosalo and brought mo up half a dozen pairs of gloves. Detroit Froo Pros O