THE LIGHTNING-ROD MAN.
Hotr on Indtxlduiil h ltrnil.V-Miilo Mn
tltlo Swindles rurmpr.
How is It that you till manage to
sell so many lightning roils?" wag
nsked the other day ci an agent who
makes Pennsylvania his stamping
ground.
"Hecauso people want thoin. ho re
plied. "It Is rare that you can sell
oneinatown or city nowadays, but
jilno farmers out of ten want them."
"Do theybcliovo In thorn?"
'They do after I have pot through
talking. It Is the man who is not
posted" who brings reproach on the
lightning-rod business. To be a suc
cessful business mau you must be
loaded."
How?"
"Welt. I call upon a farmer who has
just built a line barn. Ho has been
told that rods are X. G. Ho receives
me very coldly, and promptly an
nounces his belief that I am a hum
bug. 1 laugh and pretend to feel very
jolly, and presently bring out weapon
number one."
"What is that?"
"The losses sustained on barns by
f fire insurance companies doing busi
ness in tho State. I show him that in
ono year 2, MO barns were struck by
lightning and consumed. Of this num
ber only four had rods. Thoy were,
of course, the rods made by a rival
company. Our rods would havo saved
them. Then comes weapon number
two. I show him a list of 7,000 barns
on which we have rods, and not ono of
them has evor been damaged."
"And ho is convinced?"
"Oh, no. I havo a wholo battery in
reserve. 1 get tho position of his barn
by compass, and then find at least three
reasons why it is unusually exposed to
lightning. I adviso him to cut down
certain trees in case he won't havo
a rod. and otTor to bot him 100 to $2 J
that his barn will be struck inside of a
year. I explain how thunder storms
originate, what attracts lightning,
which corner of his barn is tho most
liablo to be struck, and why our rod
beats all."
"Where do vou get all your sta
tistics?" Mako thorn for myself, sir. I may
be a little over or a little under, but it
makes no difference to tlio farmer. I
havo tho number of barns burned in
tho United States last year. I made
my own figures. Ho can accopt them
or not. I don't press him to buy a
rod. but I am bound to give statistics.
Ho invites mo to stay to dinnor, and
after dinnor I demonstrate tho virtues
of our rod."
"How?"
"Hy an electric battery. 1 havo
only to show him tho sparks and
Hashes on tho point to make him be
lieve. Then I talk about 'circuits.'
grounded wires,' 'induction,' 'attrac
tion' and so on, and ho gets in such a
hurry for a rod that wo have to work
far into tho evening."
"Doos your conscience ovor trouble
you?"
"Never. Every body should havo a
lightning-rod ono of our own make.
Thoy are ornamental. Thoy give a
jaunty air to roofs and chimneys.
Thoro is no delicato machinery to get
out of order. It is no expenso to run
one after it is up. While you aro olT
huckloberrying in tho daytimo or
asleep at night tho 1' rhtning-rod is at
tending right to business and not
charging a cent. Xo, sir, my con
science is as clear as a boll, and my
sales this year will be one-third larger
than la-t. I'vo got statistics to show
that every barn in tho State equipped
with our rods escaped hurricanes and
cyclones as well as thunderbolts last
vear." X. Y. Sun.
LONG-TAILED SAINTS.
How Apos Ain IVoritlilpnl III .Sumo Por
tions or India.
Tho European residents of British
India aro olten astounded at. tho ab
surdities of idol worship which tho
Rrahmins continue to enforce oven
upon tho more intelligent classes of
tho natives; but the most propostor
ous of those superstitions cortainly
seem tho worship of three or four doz
en varieties of mischievous apes. Some
of thoso long-tailed demigods are re
vered merely as distant relatives of tho
monkey-saint Hannmau, whilo others
(tho Entollus ape, for Instance, and
tho Rhesus Mncacus) are considered
so ineffably holy that their murder
would bo worse than homicido; and in
tho consciousness of their inviolable
sanctity tho objects of that worship
consequently recognize no human
rights which a four-handed saint Is
obliged to respect. Thoy entor store
houses In broad day-timo, and must bo
tolerated in doferenco to the preju
dices of tho natives; though if their
movements aro not constantly watched
thoy aro sure to utilize their business
opportunities with tho colorlty of a
Now York alderman. In orchards
their depredations aro limited only by
tho capacity of tholr paunches; but no
orthodox Hindoo ovor oxpols them by
direct forco, and he seems to consider
it a fair compromlso if ho can manage
to gather a twenty per cent share of
his own crop. Thoro aro special in
firmaries devoted to tho rollof of de
crepit four-handors; and tho tostlmony
of hundredth of intelligent foreigners
has established tho fact that during
various famines, that almost depopu-
lated tho villages of tho afllictcd dls
l i trlcts, thoso monkey hospitals woro
supplied with nn abundanco of food;
and a starving truo-boliovor would
mltlgato his distress by robbing a torn
plo as soon as by touching tho storos
collected for tho support of his sacred
lung-tails. Drake's Mugnzlna,
Xinoteon Congregational ohurohos
havo boon organized In Iowa during
the past twolvo months.
MEDICAL SCIENCE.
Doctor Don't Know so Much m Some
l'olk Think Tlicj- Do.
The disagreements among physicians
on points In their profession, that by
this time should cortainly bo so well es
tablished as to bo irrefutable wore
mediclno an exact science, has led many
intelligent jeoplo to think that, outsido
of anatomy, doctors know but littlo
moro thnn other folks.
Doctors disagree not nlono In diag
nosing or attempting to euro diseases,
but also as to the means for prevent
ing them. Almost every article used
by man for food, drink or raiment has
been both recommended and condemn
ed by differing medical schools, and
frequently with no consideration for tho
varying natures and environment of
men.
Xot many years ago there was a great
pother about tho habit, among both
mon and womon, of holding up certain
articles of clothing by a snugly fitting
waistband, ttnd all sorts of contrivances
for this purpose were invented for wo
men, generally patterned after men's
braces, tho design of which was to shift
tho weight from tho hips to tho shoul
ders. Xow comes an English doctor
with a series of casos of consumption,
chief among which aro this: "Rrnocs
aro another curso of civilization by
suspending tho weight of our clothes
from our shoulders instead of fastoning
them in tho 'savage' and natural way,
by a girdle round tho waist." In tills
as in other things peoplo "pay their
money and take their choice." being as
sured that whatovcr thoy do they will
havo some sort of medical authority to
back them.
Tho most damaging testimony against
medicine as an exact, reliable science
comes from its own great practitioners.
Thus tho famous Dr. Aborcromble said
that "Since first cultivated as a science,
medicine is fraught with tho highest
degreo of uncertainty. Wo can not
properly bo said to act upon experience,
as wo do in oilier branches of science."
Sir Astley Cooper, tho celebrated sur
geon, said in a hospital lecture: "The
art of mediclno is founded on conjec
ture." Dr. Hoffman, tho most cele
brated physician of the eighteenth cen
tury, wrote: "As regards most med
icines tho physician is deceived, as
their true properties aro quito unknown,
and we know of no general law ol
naturo for tholr remedial employment
in disease." And our own Dr. Oliver
Wendell Holmes holds pretty much the
samo view, as ho says: "If all drugs
woro cast into tho sea it would bo so
much tho hotter for men and so much
tho worse for tho fish."
Perhaps a great advance has been
mndo in tho science of mediclno since
theso great professors wroto and spoko,
but it can not yet by any means be
classed among tho exact sciencos.
Many now remedial agents havo un
doubtedly been added to tho phar
macopoeia, and somo of thorn are, no
doubt, good in curing diseaso or allevi
ating pain, but tliu professional gontlo
mon who prescribes ono of them or
half a dozen of them in combination is
never perfectly sure as to what tho ro
sult of thoir administration to a patient
will be. Pittsburgh Chronicle.
A PECULIAR TRADE.
Tlio Dollcuto Work Done, by nn Old Ger
man Doll Monder.
"This doll that I tun working on now
has received an injury which is a vory
difficult ono to treat- You notico that
tho poor thing has had her oyo punched
in, and I'vo got to take off the top of
her head to get it out. First, you ob
serve I warm her flaxon hair over tills
heater, which molts tho glue or cement,
and allows mo to scalp her thus.
Then I punch a hole in tho back of her
head and shako out tho oyo, put on a
pieco of plaster, replace her hair and
cement her oyo into placo as good as
new."
Tho doll mender says that so many
of tho modorn toys aro mndo of iron
that his business has been greatly in
terfered with; theso toys being inde
structible, thoy novor requiro his ser
vices. In tho dull season tho toy
mender mends china, glass and wood
carvings. From this you will seo that
toy mending requires a delicate touch
and much patience, besides a certain
artistic sense, A few years ago a lady,
calling, upsot a tablo on which was an
almost priceless sot of coffee-cups.
Thoy wero vory valuable in themselves,
and woro mndo moro vahmblo because
a gift from a vory dear friend. What
was to bo dono? Thoro lay tho pieces,
not ono larger than a flvo-cont piece.
Evory cup and Baucor was dlfforent In
decoratloa from evory other cup and
saucer, and it seomod hopeless to think
of matching thorn with tho pieces all
mixed up. Evory fragmont was care
fully picked up, and taken to a little old
shop whoro was a littlo old man famous
for mondlng delicato objects. Ho grow
vory much oxcltod when shown tho
pieces, and sold ho could mond tho set
if not all, at least some. A fow weeks
later tho sot was returned, ovory pleco
perfect to tho eye, and tho only way to
discover that thoy had over been
broken was by holding a pleco up to
tho light; then thoro woro soon dark
linos running in ovory direction. What
wonderful skill and patience it required
to do that work! Christian Union.
A Bnlttmoroan recently dropped
nslcop on a park bench, when, his head
falling forward, ho unconsciously
choked to death ovor tho still edge of
his celluloid collnr. A dog died in Illi
nois tho other day from drinking tho
wator In which a llannol bhlrt had been
rlnBod. A St. Louis man died of ery
sipelas contracted from a verdigris brass
collar-button eating into his nock; and
a man in Chicago was roasted to death
by tho firing of his cotton undercloth
in as dried boloro anopcn crate.
THE PRINTER'S DEVIU
Ptippopil Origin of ii Popular Ktpre!on
Now In fSpuprnt t'p.
In the year 149J Aldo Manuzio, the
founder of tho celebrated Aldino press,
settled in Venice, and began what prov
ed to bo his life work, the gigantic task
of preserving the literature of Greece
from accident, further thnn that which
had already befallen it in tho Katern
Empire by committing its chief mas
terpieces to type. To this scholarly
Italian, "printer of tho Holy Church
and the Droge of Venice," wo owo our
printer's devil.
Manuzio, or Mnnutius (for he Is moro
familiar known by his Latin name). had
in his employ a lltt'o negro boy. who
was accustomed to run errands and
make himself generally useful about
the establishment. Outsiders, with
whom he came in contact, and to whom
a negro was an unfatnilar sight, re
garded the boy with a superstitious awe
that gradually deepened Into a terrified
belief that his color Indicated an un
holy Intimacy with the prince of dark
ness. The report was, therefore, cir
culated that Mnnutius was In league
with the devil.
Xow this seems, on the surface, ab
surdly improbable, but when wo re
member the ago and tho superstition
with which the nation of Southern
Europe havo from all time considered
an object of novelty, the ease seems
most possible. Moreover, the ancient
monkish legends taught that tho devil
had been known to assume tho form
and color of a negro, having appeared
in the previous century before St. Vin
cent Forrier In the gulso of an Ethio
pian who threatened him with war to
the death; and again, In like form, he
had tormented St. John of Egypt in
the desert, mocking and insulting b in
during a long fast. Tho association of
ideas was, therefore, in this case not a
new one.
To protect himself and tho boy from
persecution, however, and to satisfy the
curious that his slave was not an emis
sary of Satan, tho printer madt a
proclamation in church to tho following
effect: "I. Aldus Manutius, printer to
tho Holy Church, have this day made
public i-xposuro of toe printer's devil.
All who think ho is not llesh and blood
may come and pinch him." And from
these circumstances arose In Venice the
somewhat unintelligible expression a
"printer's devil."
"This character," says a member of
tho press, speaking feelingly, "is al
most identical with the origin of the
art (of printing), and wo nitty consider
ourselves peculiarly fortunate in hav
ing a guardian exclusively assigned to
us, from whom, notwithstanding his
generally roprehensible conduct to
other people, wo have so littlo to ap
prehend." Moxon tells us that in for
mer times tho duty of tho printer's
devil was to stand by tho tympan on
which tho blank sheets of paper wore
spread, and take them from tho frame
as fast as thoy woro printed; and ho
adds that, in consequence of tholr
handling tho fresh Ink so constantly,
"thoy do commonly so black and be
daub themselves that tho workmen do
jocosely call thorn devils."
Printer's slang seemed to combine
tho extremes of good and ovil. From
tho circumstanco that Caxton's print
ing press was set up in the Scriptorium
of Westminster Abbey, tho association
with that placo led tlio apprentices to
designato black smears niado by too
nuiih ink on tho sheet, "monies," while
a space unintentionally loft blank was
known as a "friar." Thus tho good
fathers were forced to keep company
with the evil ono without any volition
of their own.
Ro-woll says that ono day, while
talking of a vory rospectable author.
Dr. Johnson related tho fact that ho
had married a printer's devil, at which
Sir Joshua Reynolds exclaimed: "A
printer's dovil, sir! Why, I thought a
printer's devil was a ereaturo with a
black face, and in rags." "Yes, sir."
replied Johnson, "but I suppose ho had
her face washed and put clean clothos
on her." In this account neither Sir
Joshua, nor Johnson, nor any of tho
largo company present expressed any
surprlso at tho existonco of a female
printer's devil; and thoro Is reason to
suppose that women woro not infre
quently employed to assist in tho work
of printing, sinco Stock, in his "Life ol
Dr. Heddoes," spoaks of a woman's
nltnblo and delicate lingers as being
particularly woll adapted to tho office
of compositor. It it to be hoped that
in so anomalous a position sho was
careful to "mind her p's and q's."
American Xotes and Querlos.
A Soap Miner's Yarns.
Tho natural soap mines of Owen's
Lake, Cal., aro thus accounted for by
ono of tho company now working them.
Ho says that tho waters of tho lake
contain a strong solution of borax and
soda. In these waters thoro breeds n
grub that becomes a Hy. Tho Hies die
in tho wator and drift ashoro, covering
tho ground to a depth of a foot or more.
Tho oily substance of tho Hies blonds
with tlio borax and soda, and tho result
Is a layer of pure soap. Thoso strata
repeated from year to year form the
soap mines, whoro largo forces of mon
nro now employed. This soap minor U
quoted in a San Francisco paper as fol
lows: "Thoro Is another queer thing
about tho waters of thoso lakes. ou
shoot a duck thoro and fall to got it,
I and in a littlo while, when It drifts
I ashore, you will find that it.s fat breast
and sides havo changed to an ologant
I toilot soap, and you can chip It off mid
iibo it and it is just a nice as any re
fined soap." X. Y. Sun.
If happiness bo only freedom from
mental wire and phyeloal pain, than lit
bgt sooiirltltw are a hard heart und o
btrong blomuch.
ONE AGAINST A HUNDREt).
Ilerolr Dpfpiup of n Ship Attnrkpd ly a
Multltudp of Siivngp.
About 1SJW Captain Silas Jonos. now
president of tho First Xationnl Hank
of this town, snys a Falmouth (Mass.)
letter to tho Xow York Herald, sailed
from Wood's lloll as third officer In
the ship Awashonks. Captain Collins,
on a four-yoto s' cruise in the South Pa
cific ocean. This voyage was ono ol
most intense excitement and hair
breadth adventure, and, whilo Captain
Jones is of a quiet and unassuming
character and not fond of putting his
glory before the world, yet your corre
spondent obtained a story full of inter
est and ono that is not known to have
been published, although in years past
it was a theme of much discussion.
The vessel had a crow of about thirty-live
men, including captain, first,
second and third officers, and made the
voyage an tiud Cape Horn without in
cident. She cruised about tlio South
seas, and when eighteen months out
had TOO barrels of line oil In her hold.
Closing in with a group of island
just north of the equator Captain Col
lins decided to muko a trade with the
natives. Tho ship was hove to, with
most of her sails set, in a small bay
where the calm water rotlected the
strip of white sand, green palms, and
tropical plants that skirted its margin
tts well as the purple hills of tho inte
rior. A number of native dugouts put out
to the ship and made fast to her chains
and the savages clambered over the
vessel's rail. At a favorable signal a
fierce yell burst from their dusky
throats, causing tho ears of those who
heard it to tremble and their hearts
to quail. In less time than It takes to
write it the ship's decks wero full ol
natives and the unarmed crew made foi
tlio rigging, jibboons and forecastle
in fact, anywhere to escape tho blood
thirsty islanders.
Tlio fight thatensued.wns a desperate
and Indiscriminate melee. Tho natives
had been so suro of a surprise that they
had formed no plan of attack, depend
ing entirely on thoir overwhelming
numbers. At tho first rush Captain
Collins and the first mate wore engaged
in a desperate hand-to-hand conlllcl
with somo of tho savages who had
availed themselves of tho ship's out-ting-in
spades, and tho poor men wore
immediately hacked to pieces. Thomas
Clifford, of Falmouth, a seaman, made
a bolt for tho forecastle, and received a
blow fiom a spado. lie carries tin
scar across his forehead to this day,
and it is a most unpleasant reminder ol
that bloody nmssaere.
Captain Jones, then a youth of about
twenty, found himself surrounded by a
number of infuriated natives, each
struggling for a whack at him with
keen-edged spades. Ho niaunged tc
parry tho blows, jumping into the
vessel's hold, and crawled among the
tiers of oil-casks in tho cabin. Hero he
found tho steward and two seamen on
tho tloor covered with wounds inllictod
by tho murderous spades. The rest ol
tho ship's company wore either ah .ft oi
cooped up in tho forecastle In one
corner of tho cabin was tho magazine,
containing tho muskets and ammuni
tion. Seizing tlio muskets Captain
Jones gave tliom to tho wounded mer
to load, while ho sot about rescuing the
Awashonks.
The natives wero scattered ovor the
decks, stealing what they could got
their hands on. They plucked up the
ring-bolts from the deck's rails and
tugged at thoni when two tons'
strain would not havo pulled them out.
Thoy pried at bolts and straps, picked
at nail heads, wrenched down kottlos
and stovo-plpes and throw them In the
canoes. Tho chief, an ill-visaged ras
cal, was at the wheel endeavoring to
beach the vessel, but ho was not up in
navigation. First ho put tho wheel
down, and tho sails not filling ho put
the wheel up. Slowly tho Awashonks
headed off and gathered headway to
ward the beach. An Indian who lived
in Mashpee, some ten miles from here,
cut the braces and tho sales wero taken
aback. A shower of arrows and heath
enish maledictions wero hurled at him
as ho sought sholtor in tho tops. The
vossol lost headway, but tho chief con
tinued his experiment with tho rudder.
The cabin, whoro Captain Jonos had
taken refuge, was lighted by two win
dows In tho stern and a largo skylight
overhead. When tho enemy joorod
into thoso apertures a well-directed
bul ct sent them away in hot hnstu.
For ovor an hour this skirmish be
tween a desparato man and a hundred
murderers continued. As fast as the
wounded men could load tho muskets
Captain Jonos would put their contents
whoro thoy did tho most good and the
islanders began to havo a wholsome
fear of tho window and sot about do
vising some better method of attack.
Looking up through tho skylight
during tho quiet that followed Captain
Jones saw tho chlof at tho whool in his
frantio endeavor to beach tho vossol.
Taking careful aim at his broad, naked
chest, ho pulled tho trigger. Tho bul
let passed through tho deck, and, bav
in.' spent its forco, rolled along the
planking, to tho chlof'ri very feet. The
savago loft the helm, inspected tho bul
let hole, and then laid a pleco of board
ovor tho splintered plank, lie then re-
' turned to tho wheel as unconcornod as
could bo. Anothor bullet from the
musket pierced his heart and tho life
loss form rolled into the scupper.
I At the death of tr -lr ehloftain tho
Islanders fled panic- trlekon to tho
shore and tho Awns'. onks was labor
iously put to sua. Shf soon fell in with
a merchantman. Captain Proctor, and
j was brought to Wood's Holl by a por-
' lion of tho merchant c ew.
Captain Jonos was offered a master's
horth by tho owncra of tho whaler ho
had so bravely dofendoJ. and up to 1801
i ho follow ed tho bea in that capacity.
MR. BIXBY'S EXPERIENCE.
How ii Oooil Mun' Ardor for "I'nrpotunt
I'ofiin" Win Ooolpd Forppr.
Mr. and Mrs. Hlxbv had boon mar
ried ten years and tho blessing of chil
dren had been denied them, a fact that
snused them deep regret- Mrs. Hlxby
often said:
"It must bo so sweet and in'oresting
to witness the unfolding and developing
of tho infant mind."
"Ah. yes." said Hlxby, "a child In tho
home must Indeed be a woll spring of
joy,' a sort of a perpetual poem."
It was soon after making those
speeches that they went to an orphan
asylum and adopted "littlo Jaeky,"
an Interesting youth of about nine
years.
Thoy hurried homo with their prize,
eager to witness at once tho unfolding
of his juvenile mind.
It began to unfold nnddevolop before
ho had boon ten minutes In tho house.
Latent and unsuspected, as woll as un
doslrod tendencies, began to mani
fest themselves In Hlxby' s "perpetual
poem."
Hoforo a week Hlxby had changed
his mind about a child In tho house be
ing a "well spring of joy." Ho said it
was more like a "sink holo of," but
Mrs. Hlxby wouldn't lot him say ii all;
sho said it sounded too much llko swear
ing. At tho end of six weeks Hlxby trans
ferred tho boy and all his right In him
to a ranch owner out West who was on
tho hunt for "perpotual poems" out of
which ho might make good cow-boys.
Hlxby thought Jacky was just tho
hoy tlio ranch-man wanted. Ho had
formed this opinion from tho "unfold
ing" ho had witnessed of Jaeky's young
mind and developments of six weeks.
In summing up his losses aftorwnrd
Hlxby said to a friend:
"I wouldn't have ono of those things
In the house again for five hundred dol
lars a week. If I thought I'd over havo
ono of my own now I'd go and take a
wholo paokago of arsenic, and Mrs.
Hlxby would drown herself.
"That boy I bad for six wcoks dld-n't
leave a wholo pieco of furniture in tho
house when ho loft. Ho poisoned our
splendid old Maltese cat tho second
dav; ho klllod my Plymouth Hock
rooster tho next day; ho broke nlno of
tho piano keys, and scratched his name
on each of tho four logs with a nail.
lie broke our pior glass with a tack
hammer; toro all tho ongravlngs out of
ton costly books; tlod my mother-in-
law's wig on the dog's bond and turnod
him loose. Then ho took her teeth
and fixed them so ho could work them
with a string and carried thom off to
school whoro lie traded them for four
glass marbles.
"Ho sot llro to tho barn twlco and
tried to paint all tho white parts of my
horso rod. Ho broko or toro or mash
ed something ovory ton minutes. Ho
insulted ovory body who camo to tho
house. Ho fought Hkoa tiger whon I
tried to take my revolver from him.
think ho had two fights a day ovory day
for six wcoks. Xoxt time I want to seo
any thing unfold Itself I'll go off and got
a half-grown hyena and turn It loose In
tho hotiso so I can havo somo poaco
during the unfolding process." Time,
BRAINS ALWAYS WIN.
An KntorprUliiR l';ddUir Who Umlorntood
I tlx IIiihIik'kh.
Stranger Hog pardon, madam, for
calling you to tho door, but will you bo
kind enough to toll mo who that Igno
rant, vulgar, commonplaco woman In
tho house across tho way Is?
Mrs. Ciabb That's Mrs. Stuckup.
"Stuckup. Thank you. I must ro
member tho namo so as not to wasto any
time on hor In tho future. How did
such a hopelessly ignorant woman got
on this vory rcspoctablo street, I won
dor?"
"I'm suro I don't know. I called on
hor once, but bIio novor returned It, and
that ended our acquaintance, you may
bo sure, tho odious thing."
"I should say so. Why, that woman
wouldn't know a lady from an orang
outang; sho wouldn't know a bright
spoon from a black ono. It's an actual
fact that It Isn't 11 vo minutes sinco she
said sho had novor hoard of thoSklhlgu
silver polish; and whon I oven went to
tho troublo to brighten a spoon for hor
sho said it looked just the samo. Never
saw such Ignorance. I suppose you
have always used tho Skihlgh polish, ol
courso. You havo tho bright, cheery
beautiful appcaranco of ladies who do,
but porhaps your supply Is most out.
and in that case "
"I bollovo it is. I'll tako a package11
"It comes in cans, madam. Ono do!
lar, please. Thanks." Philadelphia
Record.
A Change of Base,
Fond Fathor Julia, my dear, you
know I refused young Snlggloby's ro
quost to marry you last ovonlng."
"Yos, nnd It was real cruol."
"Woll, don't cry, doar; I havo recon
sidered tho mattor, and will bo glad tc
havo you marry him."
'Oh, how good you aro! How did
you change your mind?"
"I was at tho baso-ball grounds t
sco the exhibition game, and tho young
man who can stop a hot groundor at
Snlggloby doos lias a groat future bo
fore him." Nebraska Stato Journal,
Afraid of tho Cooking.
"Como up to tho houso and havo din
nor with mo, Charloy."
"Woll, I don't caro if gracious,
what a looking head! Has somobodj
hit you with a brlok?
Xo, wo wero fooling, and my wlf
hit mo with a biscuit."
"You'll havo to oxctuo mo to-night.
Sum. Somo othor night, porhapa."
Chicago Herald.
THE BOWSER FAMILY.
How M 1. roniluptPd Hlnnptf Undet
Xrry TrjIiiR t'lrcuiiMtmicp.
I wanted to send off for a lady's fash
ion magazine, and on a dozen different
occasions I begged of Mr. Howscr t
write tho letter and send off thi
money. He kept promising und neg
lecting, man-like, but ono ovenlng he
said:
"(live mo the namo of that magazine
nnd I will got a letter off to-morrow."
"It's gone," 1 answered.
"Who sent it?"
"I did." "
"Humph! Do you mean to toll me
that vou wroto a business letter?"
"1 do. I ordered the magazlno and
sent In a year's subscription. 1
"What did you write?"
"O, in the usual form."
"And chucked the two dollars into
the letter. I suppose?"
"Yes. sir."
"Well, that's about what I would ex
pect of you. You'Vl novor sco monoy
or magazine again."
"I won't? Why?"
"Hecause, in tho first plnco, it stood
just as good a chance of going to soma
machine shop as to a magazlno olllco,
with your stylo of directing nn envelope;
and because, secondly, if somo post
olllco official doesn't stoal tho money,
thoy will gobble It at tho end of tho
r into and swear thoy novor got it. Mrs.
Howser, you nro as slmplo as a child."
"Hut it may come till right."
"Yes, and we may discover a box ot
gold In tho back yard. There's but one
way to do business."
"How's that?"
"Seo this P. O. money order for $38?
I am going to send that to Hoston to
morrow. It will go stralgliter than n
crow, and thoro is no cause for worry.
However, it's usoless to try to learn a
woman how to do business.1'
Three or four days went by, and then
ho suddenly Inquired:
"Havo you heard from that maga
zine, Mrs. Howsor?"
"Xot yet."
"I suppose not. When you do honr
please let mo know. After forty or
fifty experiences Of this sort you miiy
learn how to do business."
Two days later ho asked me again,
and I was then able to show him a let
ter acknowledging receipt of tho
money, and a copy of tho magazine.
"It seems to havo gone through, 11
ho said as he handed the lottor back,
"but that was owing to Providonco.
Probably tho parties had heard of mo
and hesitated to defraud you for fear
I'd raise a row,"
"What about tlio order you sont off,
Mr. Howsor?"
He jumped out of his chair and
turned pale and gasped:
"Hy gum! but I'd forgotton about
that! 1 ought to havo had an ac
knowledgement three days ago."
"Can't have boon lost, oh?"
"N-no." "
"It was tho only proper way to do
business, wasn't ltP"
"Of course It was, and of courso It
got thoro all right. I'll probably got
a lottor to-morrow."
When the morrow camo I asked him
if ho had hoard from his order.
"Xot exactly," ho ropliod, "but I
am cortaln that It got there safe.'1
"Hut thoy ought to acknowledgo it"
"Y-o-s."
"Thoro is but ono way of doing busi
ness, Mr. Howsor. Whon 1 send oil
money 1 receive an acknowledgment
of Its arrival. You are suro you sont
It?"
"Suro I sont It? Do you tako mo for
a lunatic. Mrs. Howsor?"
"Hut It's so queer."
"I don't see any thing so quoor about
It. I wroto again two days ago, and I
shall havo a lottor to-morrow bogging
my pardon for tho delay."
A lottor arrived next day. I saw by
Mr. Howsor's perturbation whon ho
camo homo that somothlng was wrong,
and ho finally handed mo tlio lottor. It
read:
"No post-offlco ordor has boon re
ceived from you. Please do not try
any moro ehostnuts on us."
"Hutyou did send it," 1 protostod.
"Of courso I did."
"Directed your lottor all right?1'
"Certainly.11
"Stamped and posted It?"
"Look horo, Mrs. Howsor, you talk
ns if I didn't know enough to get
aboard a street car and pay my farot1'
"Hut It's so quoor. Thoro is but ono
business way of doing business, Mr.
Howsor. Aft.r forty or fifty experi
ences of this sort you may loam how
to dobuslnoss."
Ho glared at mo and was too Insulted
too reply. Ho wont to tho post-oflico
and made complaint, nnd for tho next
two wooks that lost ordor was tho topic,
of conversation. Tho officials Bought
to traco tho lottor, and Mr. Bowser
mado affidavits to this and that, and
tho hunt wns still going on whon, in
dusting off ills secretary and straight
ening up his looao papers, I found a
lottor sealed and addressed to tho Hos
ton firm. I had no doubt it coutuinod
tho missing ordor. I quietly handed
it to Mr. Howsor as ho camo up to din
nor, and ills faco turnod all colors be
fore ho could open it.
"Mr. Howsor," I said, "you men
folks havo curious ways of doing busi
ness. It is sing "
"I'd llko to know how this lottor got
horo!" he demanded.
"You left it horo, of course.11
"Never! Hecauso I scolded you
about your careless way of sending off
money, and bocauso you wanted to got
oven with mo for it, you took this let
ter from my pookot and dotainod It.
Mrs. Hrowsor, this is tl e last straw to
tho camel's loadl Do you want ali
mony or a lump sum?"
Next day ho was all right again, and
ho oven stopped at thosalo and brought
mo up half a dozen pairs of gloves.
Detroit Froo Pros
O