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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 27, 1888)
OREGON SCOUT. JONES & CHAN CEY, Publishers. 1J.VIOX, OltKUOX. From tho Innd notices in a Western "Kansas newspaper it appears that fully no-quarter of the publication notices ro of farms taken up by women. . Ik Cambridge, England, butter is old by tho yard, a pound of butter beinir rolled out into a stick a yard leng ana" sold in sections. If ore than half of tho area of Maine is north of tho northom lino of New Hampshire and Vermont. Moro than half of Maino is still an unsettled wilderness. The cultivation of tho bamboo for foncine has becun in California. It is eaid that an aero will produce pick- oU enomrh eaca year to make six atiles of fonce. Among tho many practical reforms nocded on the fai,m is tho abolishment f cattlo and horse abuse by hired men. A man who will kick a horso or cow should bo discharged at onrc. Counterfeit postal-cards havo been discovered in Pittsburg which aro so skilfully executed that their detection ia very ditlicult. This is tho first at tempt (o put spurious postal-cards in circulation. Thk Grand Kabbi of India won first priro at tho Itothfehild wedding in Paris recently for tho greatest show in diamonds. His exhibit was worn in his turban, and was valued at a quar ter of a million. Thk Island of Molokai. tho Ha waiian rosorvo for lepers, has received 2.500 victims of this disease during tho last fifteen years, and contains a constant nomilation of 700 to 800 with an annual death rato of 150. Tiih woalth of this country has its yrinoipal sourco in labor oxponded in nffrieultural mirsuits. imtiont toil that sover strikos, never orgunizes boycotts, r lockouts, steady industry that leaves ao timo for misciovous doviccs. Tnii island of Arran, off tho wost oaat of Scotland, ib said to bo so mild that palms and camollias thrivo in tho epen air, without injury, in winter, although tho latitudo is that of tho jiorthcrn part of Labrador, on tho con tinent. i Archbishop Heish, of Milwaukco, ays that of tho eight million lloman Catholics of tho United States threo Millions aro Gorman. ' Of tho olovon jiroummiupii aim biahj iouui,B, uin, t l Ti. !... ..!.. I ono ArchbiBliop, Dr. itoiss nimsoii, and olovon Bishops aro Gorman. Thk Bchomo of building a towor for tho Paris Exposition ono thousand foot high is likely to fall through, it being found impossible to obtain mo- lianics and laborers to work at such ahoight. It is said that tho vibra tions would involvo eorious mochani eal difBoultios, Pbkbidknt Eliot, of Harvard Uni versity, who has just returned from an extended tour to Europo, speaks grati fyingly of tho common uso of tho En riish laiiKuaco in all tho countrios vteloA liv him. Ho ss.vH that not onlv -w . I ii.. -Franco, Germany and those conn- wics in wiiicu mo uuo ui iruvo, ruim o strong, but in Spain, AUBtria.Qrocco, and oven in Northern Africa, ho jour soyed comfortably, using "no language tut English." According to A rchdoacon Wright, leprosy is being spread all over the world by Ohincso emigrants. Thoy Tuva carried it to California, New Brunswick, tho Capo of Good Hope am1 tl.n Quttdti.tnlt Tulamla wlinrn it . , , ... I was previously unknown ; and either they havo brought it into Europo themselves or it has boon brought by HuropeanB who havo been brought in ontact with them. All tho specialists in skin dieoneo in Paris aro said to havo lepers among their pationte sol titers, sailors, merchants, sisters of charity, missionaries and others, Epi demies of leprosy havo broken out in wore than ono of tho provinces of Spain, tho disease having boen brought home by tailors. Thoro aro lopors in tho hospitals of London, Dublin and Glasgow. In foot tho two points to bo hornoin mind aro thomselves sufli- ,,nltvA nf frrnnnilanf nlnm, a i i i : ii . tho first being that tho diseoso itsolf ia nf lata years increased in notivilv.l and tho second that, in moro or less , - l aegrco, it is 10 uo juiiuu u uier uio ttviiu. aj wwvm w.v....w...i i M i i T 1 1 A nnninnnli) l mrnMiituiiiiiPn l ... - l whicli mignt uevoiop us vinuenco would at onco produoo a world-wide -.Udamlo. The tra u s In d and iioedH I iiy to oe nrou, . NEW YORK FASHIONS. New TTonlon Material Stylluli Jacket Charming WeUillrlg' Service Stripes and plaids aro a marked feat- uro of new woolen materials of nil qualities, as well as of fancy plushes and velvets. Tlioy nro seon in a larger part of tho "suitings importod for on tiro costumes, and aro tho favorite de signs for fabrics to bo combined with plain woolens. Tho Hungarian stripes intloduccd in tho spring aro repeated jn richer and more varied autumn col orings, and aro now preferred to larger blocks and stripes. These goods como in light weights of camel's hair and twilled wool for tho early part of tho season, and in fino but heavy cloths for comfortahlo winter suits. Thoy aro made in regular tailor fashion, with a coat "en suite mado of plain cloth tho shado of tho background of the stripo or plaid. 1 Ins is finished with a turned down collar, rovers down the front and cuffs of velvet. This forms a popular domi-scason costume for shopping and general use. Iho Norfolk jackots and trim-fitting Garibaldi waists of red or blue queen s cloth aro still vory popularly worn by young ladies. Ihoso havo tho ad van tago of supplying tho protection needed at this season, without the carrying about of an extra wrap. Now fall Eton jackets and coats aro handsomely trimmed with braiding, galloons of silk cord, with shoulder ornaments and pendcloques for tho front to correspond, or aro stylishly finished with a single lino of silver warranted not to tarnish with wear. This bit of silver is far prettier and more elegant than tho showy silver braiding or embroidery in elaborate patterns, and shows simply beyond tho tapering levers that reach down each sido of tho front, f.'oni shoulder to hum and tho edge of the collar and cutis. Buttons to match are covered with tho cloth, with a tin v star of silver at tho top. This silver finish is particularly effective upon coats of dark blue Scotch broadcloth. Covert coats in tan, fawn and ecru aro still fashionable, but tho newer jackets in plain, dark colors aro generally pro- furred Soino very charming weddings havo taken place recently. At ono of these, a cliurcli wedding, Kenlo s beauti fid wedding hymn, "Tho voico that breathed o or hdon," was sung as tho bridal partv entered tho church. Dur ing the service thoro was a grand an them, with tho wedding march played at tno close, mo undo wore an ex- limtly beautiful gown of white lace, i i, .i i wiiu diamond oiniimuni.s, aim uio bridesmaids' attiro was especially pret ty and becoming. Tho drosses wcro of palo primrose corded silk, draped with apricot gauze, their bouqiiots of saf fron ilowors and foliage, and their or namonts Roman pearls. Another group of bridusmaids at a recent weddm woro toilets of cream-colored oionncs lace, with Louis XIV. bodices of cream-whito moiru over vests of laoo. Thoro woro immense sashes at tho back of tho moire, and they car ried bouquets of tea roses tied with inoiro ribbon. Tho bride's gown was of white duohosso satin, veiled with pointdo gauze; this airy drapery looped up witli sprays of natural flowers. Her Iriivnlimr milt, wns nf irrnv Vmwtllnn . ol()1Ilf trimmed with silver nassomon torio. jy. l. J'osl. MEN OF LETTERS. A Hillijcct that Cull l.otitlly- for .ludlclniin I.rgliilutlou, A Wisconsin court has decidod that a husband can open his wife's lettors. Now, if thoro was only some way of gutting a law passed compelling a hus band to mail his wifo s letters some timo tho same yoar that she gave them to him, tho womon wouldn't caro a snap about this other (Incision. And thon, perhaps, in tho interest of uni versal, pouco, it should bo mado a peni tentiary offense for a wifo Jo givo her husband any letters to mail. Or, if sho does, sho should nover again refer to them in any way. How is a man to fool happy, how is ho to have any fool S of 1,0 " coutont in his heart all ''"' whou in tho morning his wifo JnAa b(jfm.o himf hoIl,nKono ,mml hidden behind her back, and savs. sweetly: "Did von mail that letter I gave you yostorday?" How docs ho know whothor that letter is still in his inside coat pocket, whothor he may not, in a moment of temporary insan ity or transient aberration, have mailed it? How can ho bo positive that ho did, oven if it isn't in his pocket, while sho stands in ttiat misleading attitude? How does ho know what to say? How does hoP I stry, there's heaps of law needed on this subject before It can bo satisfactorily ndjusted. Burdttte, r ...... in Brooklyn Eagle. Tho Essayist in Literature. Tho essayist is not the commercial traveler nor the scientific explorer, but rather tho excursionist of literature. Them may bo several ways of reaching a given point as by railwav, or steam boat, or turnpike stage with relays of horses. Itut there mav be also such a thing as getting upon an ambling horso or into a family phaeton, and jogging on through bridle paths or through primrose and hawthorn lanes, going by the sun and not the miidn.liimW. ninV.-. Jng detours to gather wild flowers, to gain wider prospect, or to visit some old mansion or an old friend. Perhaps "10 Way IS WOl'lit 111010 Mail tllO goal, and is an end in Itsolf. A'cu) iVi'nccipH jlevit,w w ..I .1 i, r l i - wi.youyuer y a. ways .i.,.,.,,!..', !. vM. hU Vlf.i,r..il.V fTiiL iiviH v ft. ill. oi inn lopiiinn loir nv a a ) . .... n "v - ---- - r ins lamer.-' "les, ana tho half- brother is now an umpiro, and that's ojuwuy uu vvKa oi Jnttrnul. STOVES AND FURNACES. Hints and Sncffrxtlon on Tholr Dally Care and Keeping. "Why is it that I burn out so many sets of stove lining?" some one asks. Let mo tell you. Use a little moro caro than you have been using, watch and see that a clinker is not allowed to form on tho linings, and if one docs form, remove it carefully with the poker. At night, the fire-box should be even full of coal after raking otttall tho dead cinders ami ashes in tho range; never fill your stove with coal above tho top of tho linings. Ncvor use a shaker when it is possible to avoid it; instead, use the poker freely and you will havo a better lire and uso less cval. Shakincr tho lire banks it down into a solid mass and tho air can not circulate through. When tho fire from any cause becomes dull, do not stir it over tho top or put in wood, but rako out the cinders and open the drafts. tt night do not close tho drafts as soon as tho coal for the night is put on, but let It burn for a short time, or as ono man expresses it, "until you think tho coal is warm all through." There is then very little danger of gas, even if tho stove is a poor one. Tho ashes should never accumulate in tho ash pan until they reach the grate. If this happens oven once, the grate will usu ally bo burned out. Always run tho range so that you can get all the heat needed without having the top red hot, as this will warp tho covers and centers, and if a little water should' happen to fall on tho stove while so hot the top of tho rango is vory apt to crack. Keep the stove veil blacked; if tho lids get covered with grease turn them over and let tho top of the lid como next the lire until tho grease is all burned off. If the covers aro red and the blaekinir does not adhere, let them get wet so that they will rust a little nd then black them. Some stoves requiro moro draft and a stronger chimney than others. On days when the wind is in a certain di rection tho drafts usually left open, will have to ho closed. Have tho smoke pipes of tho furnace and range taken down and cleaned out, and at the same time clean tho inside .of tho chimney as far as possible. "When soft ecal is used this must bo done very often. An ordi nary chimney and range will need to bo cleaned about ovory two months; tho furnace just before commencing to use in tho fall, aniUonco or twice dur ing tho "winter. Let the coal in tho ranpi or furnaco burn long enough to get all tho heat there ii in it beforo re filling, not until almost burned out, but until if left longer the (ire would com mence to cool. A good housekeeper will know by the appearance when it is time to fill. Never use oil of any kind to kindle a fire, as it is not safe. When buying a rango buy one that is moderately heavy and inado of the best quality of iron. All the joints of a heating stove or range should fit well; because if they do not, when the range has been used a short time you will notice gas escaping and will not bo able to tell where it conies from. Tho nickel, on a heating stovo can be kept bright by wiping often with a dry, clean cloth. In iho spring when tho stovo is taken down for the sum mer, rub tho nickel well with a dry, soft cloth and then wrap in newspaper; bo careful not to let the hand touch the nickel after it is rubbed, as in tho fall every place that has been touched will show a rusty spot. If it has not been touched, it will be found to bo as bright as when put away. To clean zinc un der a heating stove, never wet it if it can be avoided. When new, rub often with a dry, clean cloth and when moro is necessary uso tepid water and no soap. In buying furnaces thorQ are several things to bo avoided one is, a furnaco that will allow the gas to escape. A furnace to bo properly sot should have mi uio loiuis wen pacKca wun a ce -.11 .1. - 1 .i.-A . II I I ... ment that will not burn out. Some cement used In packing furnaces will turn to dust tho first tune a fire is built and will no longer koop tho gas from escaping. The best commit to be used is mado of a mineral that hardens un der the action of heat; such a cement will become wVliard that U will take a chisel to remove It. The best furnace to buy is a return fine furnace or in other words ono that carries tho smoke down 4n tho base be foro it is carried out of tho chimney. This makes tho furnaco burn less coal for tho amount of heat obtained than those in which tho smoko is carried directly to tho chim ney. Huy an all cast iron furnace, it lasts so much longer and requires so much less repairing; and. be sure the furnace has a water pan. Always till the water pan with strictly fresh and pure water. The amount of water in the pan can be regulated by tho amount of moisture you like in tho house. If this is propeilv attended to. the objection a great many make to a furnace, namely, that tho air is too dry, is removed. Furnaces aro very easy to mauago and aro so much nicer than stoves that tho wonder is that more people do not uso them. If pos sible have tho furnace set so as to tako tho cold air from outside; havo tho cold air box large enough to givo at all times plenty of fresh air. Thoro is never too much fresh air until tho air comes cold through tho rogistors and then the supply should bo decreased. It does not tako any more coal to run the furnace with pure air from tho out side than with foul air from the Inside. He sure all tho pipes between tho floors mid walls aro made doublo. With prupor caro a furnace can always bo mado safe, healthful ami pleasant V... U'.ll.... .. J.l 1J tWllie With!, in Uood Housekeeping. WOOD PULP PAILS. An Intcrmtlnir Drnrrlpllon of the l'rocegi ii f Their Manufacture. The pail is ontirely in one pieco and without hoops, so it never leaks or falls to pieces, besides being lighter by far than any other material from which such vessels could bo made. The pro cess of their manufacture is thus de scribed: The wood, preferably spruce although any soft, fibrous wood will answer, is first cleared of its bark and cut to a length uniform with the grind stone to bo used, generally sixteen to twenty-four inches. It is then placed against the face of a rapidly revolving grindstone, tho grain of tho wood be ing in a line with or parallel witli the axis of the stone, and a hydraulic or worm screw piston keeping tho wood constantly pressed against the stone The result, which is washed off tho stone by a shower of water, after being screened of slivers and sawdust, is milkv-wmto liquid. With the water suflioicntly extracted this is tho wood pulp used in the manufacture of paper and indurated fiber ware. Tho process of manufacture of ware from tho pulp is exceedingly simple, and is similar in all the lines made by the company. In maKinga pail, lor instance, too ma chine for first molding tho pail from the pulp is provided with, a hollow per forated form of cast iron, shaped like tho insitlo of a pail, and covered first with perforated brass and then with lino wire cloth. This form. worked by a hydraulic piston, pushed up into a large east iron "hat, which fits over it very lightly. Within this hat is placed a fli-vihle rubber bag, and between this aim the inner form first mentioned is admitted the pulp, still in a liquid state. The pulp being pumped in under pressure, the watt immediately begins to drain off through the wire cloth and perforations, and tho rubber bag fvells until it fills the hat. The supply of pulp is then shut off, and water under high pressure is admitted within the hat and outside the rubber bag, thus squeezing much of the water from tho pulp. After standing some eight to ten minutes the pressure is shut off, the inner form lowered, and tho pulp pail removed. At this stage tho pail is still nearly fifty per cent, water, but is sufficiently strong to allow handling. This water is first all dried out in dry kilns, and then the pail is turned oft on the out side with a canrr of saws. After sand papering inside and out tlio pail is ready for tho treatment house, where it is charged with a water-proofing com pound which pormcates thoroughly tho material of winch tho pail is made Baking in ovens at a high tcmpcraturo succeeds each dip or treatment. Tho polish which the goods present is de scribed as being tho result of the final treatment. After this tho handles are riveU-d on tho goods, which aro thou ready for the market, llailway Review. LIFE IN THE WEST. A County Coronor Who Hum iiii Kver Wlitrhfill Kje for Fcon. A man who had just moved to Ne braska with his family was called on before breakfast the other morning by a tall native. "Mornin', stranger," said tho Ne braska man. "Jos' movin' in I see?" "Yes, sir." "I unnerstand one o' your sons was mysteriously killed a few months ago?" "No, sir; you're mistaken." "Am? Well, that's eiir'us. Hut your wifo tried to drown herself last spring?" "No, sir, sho didn't." "Hut one of tho gals took pizen an' died 'bout that time?" "No." "Ah, wrong again? I unnerstood she did. Your whole fam'ly is sul Jeet to fallin' sickness an' such I'm told?" "You've been wrongly informed ray family is perfectly healthy." "Gosh, that's funny! Hut, say, ain't thoro been a good many violent and nnoxpected deaths in tho fam'ly some where?" "Never ono." "Well, you shot a man 'bout a year ago I got that straight?" "No, sir, I never did!" "Well, well, I must have struck tho wrong house somehow thero's such a fam'ly jes' moved in 'round hero some where. You see I'm county coroner, an' I'm very anxious to make their ac quaintance an' tell 'em that they're welcome, an' that if thoy caro to in dulge in their specialty I'll soo thr.t they havo just as sliek an inqunst as was ever held in Nowbraskoyl Good byo' stranger!" Chicago Tribune. The Streets of Paris. From a report published iii tho Xouvcllcs Annulc de la Construction. tho total area of tho streots of Paris, measured between tho kerbs, amounted at the end of 188C to 8..M7.1W) square metres (Ul, 078,005 square feet), of which 6,2.50,000 square metres aro laid in granite, 1, COS, 100 square motres macadamized, 2)02,000 square motres asphalted, and 855,000 square metres provided with wood pavement. Tho cost last year for relaying and repairs amounted to 11,000,000 francs (440, 000). To put all the streots of Paris into thorough order would requiro about 75,000,000 francs (8,000.000), of whicli 15,000.000 francs would have to bo spent in changing macadamized roads into pavement, and 00,000,000 francs in improving existing p.tve monts. Party in tho chair "Hullo, thorol You'vo got my coat." Seedy party "Ah! what's do matter wid you? Ain't I leaving you my now mackintosh iu toad? If yer ain't satisfied I'll loavo my hat, too." 2Vjuj Sijlinns. A DELIBERATE NATIVE. The DlacouniRtng Kxperlcnrn of n Tnlk ntlve unci ThlrntygStrttiicer. "A "gangling" fellow stood turning the crank of a groaning windlass over a well in a .-and hill town of Western Tennessee. He was tall and of that peculiar form to which the inhabitants of that part of the country give the name of "hip-shot." Ho evidently wanted water, but turned the crank witli such lazy unwillingness of move ment that he might have been mistaken forain.in who had been compelled to perform sonlo wearing task which would end in a climax of pain. Just as tho well-bucket came up, a stranger dismounted from a horse, approached and said: "I have been riding through the swamps and I think I can enjoy a good drink of water." Tho native for such he was lifted the bucket up on to a sort of shelf, took off his limj) wool hat and began to fan himself. The stranger, after waiting for a few moments remarked, more by way of hurrying the native than by a desire to be communicative, that during his long ride he had been unable to get a drink of cool water. The native slowly looked around, hung his hat on a nail, blew his nose, threw out a quid of tobacco, rinsed his mouth and then turned to tako up his hat, which, in the meantime, had fal len. "Jjook Here." said tlio stranger, "are vou going to drink to-day?" "Hah?" "I say, arc you going to drink to day?" "Lowed I would. Hadentor 'loMcd tor drink ter-dav wouldenter drawed thish yore water till ter-niorrer." He hung his hat on the nail. It fell down. He took up the hat, looked around, and hung it on the nail, but just as ho stooped to drink it fell again Ho took it up and was slowly striking it against his leg to knock oil the dust, when tho stranger said: "You certainly don't want a drink." "HaUeuter wanted water wouldenter drawed it. Ain't roun' drawin' water fur fun." "Then why don't you drink?" "Ain't in no purtickler hurrv.1 "Hut lam." "Say you air?" "les, i do. unnk it you are going to." "Hah?" "Confound you, drink if you are go ing to." Ho put his hat on the shelf, and. in grabbing at it as its gradual unfolding assured him that it was about to fall. overturned the bucket, whicli, witli jingling chain, fell to tho bottom of the well. "There you've dono it!" tho stranger exclaimed. "I'll bet it will take you an hour to draw it up again." "How much do you wan tor put up? the native asked. "Confound" "That's whut yer Mowed jest now." "Look here, I'm famishing for wa ter, and if you don't draw up that bucket this instant I'll kick you all around this infernal town. Go ahead there now." "That's whut I Mow tor do, but when yer feel like yerair jest nachtilly bound tor kick when yer think that yer kaint breathe right well lesson yer do, w'v let yerso'f out, an' tho fust thing yer know the a r will bo nlum full o 'feet in' shin bones an' sitti. Say, is that yo lioss gom' over ther hill? I ho stranger, wheeling around and catching a glimpse of his treacherous horso as he disappeared over the brow of the hill, started otf at the top of his spued, while the native, slowly turning the crank, muttered: "Kf folks would l'nrn tor pay mo' e in tention tor ther orfairs an' not talk so much, this yero country wouldn't bo nigh so full o' weeds an' sich. Ever' body comes erlotur wants ter talk, it pea ra like. I'm gottin' sorter tired. myse'f . ' ' J rknnsaw Tuivchr. Fivo Costly Dinners. The foes demanded by eminent New York lawyers aro seldom small. A prominent lawyer relates that in a matter of litigation lie recently enlled in the services of a distinguished Wall street attorney, whoso career in pnblic Hie lias given him great prominence. Ihoailair terminated 111 a settlement outside of the court, pending which soino dinners were given, at which the principals and their attorneys camo other. When tho banker asked for his bill from tho attorney the figures wore lifteon thousand dollars. It struck the man of money that this was a trifle high, and ho asked for an itemized account. Tho itemized bill read as follows: To retainer 5,009 To attendance on tire dinners at Deimon tco's, fc,O0Oeuch jo.ono Totnf H5.0U0 Tho banker is not likely to invito lawyers to dinner hereafter. AT. Y. Tribune. Masculine Superiority. "I see that a post-mortem examination is often made in murder cases. What does a post-mortem examination mean?" asked a young wife of her bettor Half. "A post-mortem examina tion, my dear,, is intended to allow tho victim to suite, verbally, his own testi mony against his assailant, and is taken down in writing," "Thanks, darling, and .you won't look down on me, will you, hecauso I haven't your education?" Ho said ho wouldn'L Kxchaugc H Saratoga Hartouder "Will you havo a littlo Apolliuaris water with yours, sir?" Customer "Yes. I told my (hie) wifo that I was coming up hero to drink tho waters, and I propose to (hie) keep my word." A". Y. Sun. j PITH AND POINT. I It takes much less to start a quarrel than to stop one. Somo mon got down on tholr neighbors when they find that thoy can't como up to them. Boston (7o rier. True criticism consists in assort ing the just things from tho false, and not the falso things from tho just. A girl may bo liko sugar for two reasons. She may bo swoot, and sho may be full of griu Burlington Free I'ress. Bo thankful ovory time a friend deserts you, and thus forces you to strengthen yourself. I'omcroy's Ad' vance Thouqht. Tho Journal's idenl rccklcs man Is tho one who docs not tako off his hat when speaking ton railway ofllciaL Lincoln Journal. "Do you know why Mr. S al lows his hair to grow long, while Mrs. S keeps her's cut short?" "Yes, they're both literary. Harper's Ba zar. A loving wifo. at Long Hranch, said: "Tho horrid sutf . makes mo keep mv mouth shut." Sarcastic hus band: "Tako soino of it homo with you." The ago in which we livo thinks the accumulation of money tho most practical matter of life. Hut it is a mistake, a great mistake. Wtstom Jtural. -If you wish to know just how little patience you have loft, try to raiso a refractory car window to plcaso a fidgety woman on a hot day. Phila delphia Tc egraph. Let no man boast that he is frco from color blindness until after ho has been sent to the dry goods storo to match his wifo's black silk and ha conic out of tho ordeal satisfactorily. "No," said an old maid. "I don't miss a husband very much. I havo trained my dog to growl every timo I feed him, and I havo bought a tailor's tin m my that 1 can scold when 1 feel like it." The reason. I nskort a bachelor why ho In Mngleness had tarried; Ho answered thus: Ho nusc, you see, I've friends who'vo Ions been marrie d. ' Boston Courier. No hoodlum could be hired to Btriko an average, lick a postage stamp, beat a carpet, or do any thing" nsoftil. He wants to bo in a crowd of his kind ami strike a littlo fellow. iV. O. Pica u tine. Pastor "Thomas! Don't you think your parents would feol very sore if they knew 3-011 were fishing on tho Sabbath?" Thomas "Yes, sir; but not half so sore as I'd feel if thoy found it out." Jud'c. "Will you please insert this obit nary notice?" asked an old gentleman of au editor. "I make bold to ask it because thodecoased had n great many friends about hero who'd bo glad to bear of his death." Philadelphia Call. "Who is your lawyer, young man?" asked old Hyson, looking over (he paper-. "O. N. T. Coatsauvcst," replied Sipling. "Why, he's no lawyer; lie's a tailor." "Can't help- 'hat; he's brought more than a dozen mils for and against mo, and I'd liko- U) sec any lawyer do better than that." Burdcttc. a laoy writes tlio .Nantucket (Mas.) Journal that many years ago a. small army of tiny red ants took pos session of her store closet and remained until cool weather. Every year thoy returned. She was advised to try tar. which sho did, placing a largo chunk, on a dish in a corner of tho shelf. Tho- ants left, and havo never returned. Tho same pieco of tar has stood in the sanio place for liftcen years. An old mailing table in tho Ogdcns burg (N. Y.) post-ollieo was torn to pieces recently, and between the lin ings and tho outsido of the shutes lead ing to tho bags were found sixty-seven letters that had slipped through crack in tho table. Some of the letters boro postmark dates showing that they were mailed in 1878, and one contained 11 foreign money order that the Post-offloe Department made good several years aero. THE GREAT REGULATOR PURELY VEGETABLE. Are You Bilious? The Jleffulnlor Merer fail to cure. I mot cheerfully rec(mmcnd it to all who ulTer from liilious Attack or any Disease caused by a dis arranged state of the Liver. Knsas Citv, Mo. W. R. BERNARD-. Do You Want Good Digestion ? suffered tntenulu uithl-Sill Rtomnih,Heail nehe, etc. A neighbor, who had tqken Simmons Nvtr Regulator, told me it was a sure cure fee mu trouble. The first dose I took relieved sit teiir much, and in one veeh's time I teas as strong aiuf hearty as I ever was. Jt la the best medicine I f-rer took for I)yjejain. Richmond, Va. II. G. CRESSHA W. Do You Suffer from Constipation ? Testimony of Hiram Warnkh, Chief-Justice or C!a. : " 1 have used Simmons Liver Regulator for Constipation of my Dowels, caused bya temporary Derangement of the Liver, for the last three or four years, and always irff decided benefit." Have You Malaria ? hare had experience vith Simmons Liver Regu lator since 1865, and regard it as the aratet meti lettie of the time for dlaeatle pecu liar to tiialarlnl region. So good a medi cine deserves universal commendation. REV. XI. B. WUARTOX, Cor. See'y Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Safer and Better than Calomel ! I have len subject to severe spells of Congestion pf Ihf Liver, and have been in the habit of taking from 1 J to ao grains of calomel, hich generally laul ine up for three or four days. Lately I have been taking Simmons Uver Regulator .which gave me re lief, trithout anji interruption to burine. MluoiEr-OKT, Ohio. J, HUGO. J. II. Zeilin & Co.jrhiladolphia, Pa. - PRICE. HJ1.CO.