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About The Oregon scout. (Union, Union County, Or.) 188?-1918 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 28, 1887)
OREGON SCOUT. JONES & CHANCEY, Puhliahora. vxims. ouiwox. SALI-WATtK OaY. An Old New Jnmer INntlval That I Hap Idly OdIiir Out. The custom of observing Salt-water Day is so old that it is supposed to bo of Dutch origin: but long beforo tlio Dutch camo to Now Jersey tho Stato in which tho day is celebrated tho In dians hail a custom winch iniglit very well hare furnished tho model. It is fact established in history that the New Jersey Indians were in tho periodical habit of assembling in tho neighbor hood of tho salt water for tho purpose of feasting upon oysters, and the gath ering and eating of oystors was ono of the chief features of Salt-water Day ob served among tho Monmouth County larmers in later yoars. Beforo oysters becamo privato property, and wliou thcro wero natural buds of thorn along tho Jersey shore, farmers living within twenty or thirty miles felt a keen oys ter hunger about tho lirst of every An gust, and on Salt-water Da', which oo- ours at tins soason, the beds were made to sudor. They suffered ho much that tho How Jersey Legislature finally passed m law refraining people from taking oysters by any means except tlte tin- nupnlomcnted feet and hands, so that for Hovcral years previous to tho timo -ivhon oysters ceased to bn public prop erty tho farmors on Salt-water Day could obtain this delicate food only by "treading" it; that is, by working tho oysters from tho bottom, and skillfully liringing them to tho surface with their toes. South Amboy used to bo a favorito place of gathering on Salt-water Day, and bo lately as fivo years ago as many Asone hundred tent-top wagons brought in their loads of people from tho back lying farms to assist in this celebration. At South Amboy tho festivities are concluded in a single day, but at other places and notably at Point Pleasant, or Sea Girt, as it is now called, a part of the village of Squan three days ore devoted to thorn. Of courso at those festivals at -tho edge of the sea there have como to bo other joys than tho joy of eating oysters, 11a thing, dancing iinil miscel laneous feasting are to bo reckoned .among tho delights of Salt-water Day. Thero aro stores of cold fowl, sand wicheH, home-mado pics, cider uud pink lomonadc, and Nome of tho wagon-tops Jcoep tho sun off from a kog or a demi john of applo-jaok. Tho bathing suits -worn by tho farmers and thoir wives and daughters aro home-made, tho jiamo as tho pies, and aro commendable lor their comfort and serviceability -rather than their lit But tho obsorvanco of Salt-water Day is not what it used to bo. Rail roads have brought tho soa and the oystors nearer to tho farmers, and the aeaaon for tho celebration is largely gone. Tho colored peoplo still observe Iho day with considerable forvor at J-ong Hranoh, but tho festival, speaking generally, is ono which is rapidly going out. Harper's Weekly. CHINA'S WEST POINT. How Military Unitnt itro lMucntcil In the 1'louory KliiciUiui. Nearly three years ago tho Chinese Government, at tho instigation of Li Hung Chang, decided to establish an academy for forming a sta,ff of well Instructed nativo ofllcors. With this .abject the first body of Chinese cadets wore brought together and installed in tho office of tho admiralty at Tion-Tsin. This was in March, 188.", and very soon afterward tho construction of a sepa rate building for them was commenced. This is now completed, anil it is to serve as the model of similar buildings, one 1 of which is to bo erected in tho capital, of each of the eighteen provinces. Tho ncadomy of Tien-Tsin is situated on the Telho, and occupies a space of moro than six hundred square yards. It is excellently adapted to tho requirements of such a building, while its architect xiral appearaneo is in harmony with tliolocalbiirrouiidiugs. Besides a largo number of reception and dining rooms and tho dormitories, there are four ront lecture halls, two largo saloons, a room for military games, another for photographical work, mid a third for printing, two chemistry halls, and an apartment for drawing, Tho building i capable of accommodating three hundred students and the administra tive staff. On a wide plain adjoining tho building aro encamped under tents a considerable body of Infantry and artillery, At tho head of tho corps of tho cadets Is a Chinese olllcor, tho Taotai Vang Tsung Pan. ills colleague is, however, Major Paul!, of tho (iur lnun artillery. Tho masters and in tdruetors aro also foreign officers, chictly German!), and tho system of training Is borrowed from tho Gorman, The sons of tho upper classes aro alone .admitted between tho ages of fourteen and llfteen. At 11m tills rule was not observed, and thoro was ono instance of a cadet being as old as thirty-live. Each student is expected to remain four yours in the general class, where lie is taught Chinese, writing, foreign languages, geography and natural science. After tho termination of this preliminary courso ho is transferred for a year to ono of the school com jhtnlos attached to tho corps. Ho thou .serves for u year with the regular army, and finally returns to the military school for a year's instruction in military science. After passing hi examination tho cadet rooolvus his commission ami joins 0110 of tho rugi menu of tho Cliltiactt arniy, (Mioata 2Vici. . ROYAL SALARIES. Wliot liuropo l'ny Annually for Mnln- tululntr It Monurchlr. A table recently prepared shows tho royal salaries paid in Hurope, and it forms interesting reading for thoso who havo 1111 idea that our own Government is conducted on a wasteful and oxtrav agant plan, and who think, as some of tho Koarnevitos used to assort, that no man ought to get more than $3 a da', Tho Emperor of Russia receives $8,- 250,000 per annum; tho Sultan of Tur- koy, SG.000,000; tho Emperor of Aus triii, f 1,000, 000; tho King of Prussia, f3.000.000; tho King of Italy, $2,400, 000; tho Queon of England, $2,200,000; tho Queen of Spain, $1,800,000, and the King of tho Belgians, ijtfOO.OOO. What a sermon against monarchical government this brief table cojitainsl Light persons, men and women for Kings and Queens arc nothing more receivo each year in tho aggregate f28,150,000 for doing what? For do ing nothing that hundreds may bo thousands of thoir subjects could not do just as well and possibly much hot- ter. borne of thoso monarohsgct thoir salaries for doing really nothing. Queen Victoria, for example, lias abso lutely no function to perform except to represont 111 her royal person tho idea of domipion and sovereignty. She iias no part in tho irovernincnt of tho country. Tho most irrepressible Irish member of Parliament dries more and has more to say about ruling tho cm piro than Victoria lias; and vet lie emiso she is what she is, the mere eido lon of a bygono autocracy, her loving subjects pay her over 2,000,000 every year for her own use ami benefit. Tho King of Prussia receives $3,000,- 000 a year as compensation for his irduous royal duties; and when it is considered that ho is tiio Emperor of Germany, that lie is a man over ninety years of age, and that tho reins of Jovernmont havo been for years in the hands of Bismarck, it must bo ad mitted that, judged by reoublieau standards, ho does not earn his sal ary. Probably the Czar of Russia performs as much or more actual labor than any reigning sovereign 111 Europe I ho form of Govornnient of Russia bcinr despotism, tho Czar must necessarily center all authority in himself and be, in fact as woll as name, tho fountain and source of all authority. But even for his duties, irksome, multifarious and difllcult though they may be, $8,250,000 is moro than they are worth, especially in view of tho financial con dition of Russia and tho inimonso drain upon her resources. Tho peoplo of tho United States thought they wero doing a wonderful thing whon they increasod tho Presi dent's salary from $25,00 j to $50,000; and yet the largor amount is only a triflo over two days' salary of tho Em peror of Russia; while at the same time the United States is hotter able to pay tho President tho Czar a salary than Russia is to pay tho Czar the Presi dent's salary. Royalty is simply an onormously ex ponsivo luxury, with nothing to recom menu it except irauitioii and prece dent, and tho only wonder is that it can keep its hold ho long on intelligent and progressive nations in tin's ago of tho world. Sun Francisco Chronicle, BAGGAGE SMASHING. Tlin rocullnr mill Skillful Krnlutlons r Kxpnrt Trim k-II it ml It-. But however secure and elaborate the luxuriant appointments of the modern trunk ho goes out brand new from your homo and returns, after a jaunt, with tho battered marks of war upon him. You look at him with despair and join your inspection with a naughty expletive over that unprincipled tritnk-sniasher. But there is something to bo said to his account that mitigates tho unchari table opinion of him. Standing in a railroad center whore steaming engines rush into tho station with tromulin" li.iste, one may observe tho trunk- Hinasher at his work, and stand in wonderment that he executes his task so skillfully and yet with such little damage. A breathless span of time is allotted him in which to hand down his pile of trunks, and to the minute (lie work is done. All around him is tho roar of a shifting, steaming world embarking and disembarking in ox- citing speed and tho only man that stands cool at his plaoo in tho midst of this seething Babylon, is tho expert baggage-iuaster. To bo a trunk-handler one must bo an export. None but men of peculiar Illness are stationed at tho great rail road exchanges. A greenhorn can at once be detected, lie tackles a trunk with bungling awkwardness, lie rolls it with pulling labor, falls over it and tilts and drops it a score of times. To watch an export unloading a train you will observe how his 0110 hnud rests upon one corner and the other upon tho side. He lauds tho trunk on' the lloor, never upon tiny comer, always on tho full end. The corner is the wrecking point even of an iron-clad. Ho most doxtnroiixly hurls it to a side with tho easeot a toy, and in an instant hurls another after It with the grace and pose of a ball player. Ho always pre fers a largo trunk to a small ono it is better to handle, Tho wrecking is never dono by tho export, who handles hundreds of trunks at tho great con tinences of railroads. It is done by the small frysuif the least work ami par ticularly by the Inexperienced hands of road exprossos. iWladeljtttia 2Yiw. A Loudon bookseller has a copy of tho first million of "Robinson Crusoe, which ho describes us 0110 of tho rarest books In tho English language. The prluo at which ho holds It is sftQQ.--I'ulho OjnuMU HARD OF COMPREHENSION. Dir. McDaffs Kxpliiliu tn Ilia Wife tho Dullri of n Jury. "When aro they ever going to get through with that conspiracy case, Mr. McDuffy?" asked his wife, as ho sat down to dinner tho other evening. "Get through with it?" said Mr. McDuffy, in surprise; "wliy.it has been over for two weeks. "Has it, indeed," said she. "What aid they do?" "Nothing," ho replied, "tho jury hung." "You don't say so; and 1 never heard of it before. I thought all tho timo they were going to hang tho con spirators. Who hung tho jury?" "J hey hung themselves, woman," growled McDuffy." "How dreadful! Did they hang each other or commit suicide?" 'Thunder and lightning! Can't you understand any thing?" roared Mc Duffy. 'Oil, don t be profane, dear; I'vo read all tho headlines in the newspa pers, and have been so interested in tho case, you know, but I don't quite understand tho law. If you would only tell mo about it" 'Well, then, explained her hus band, "Jurors are composed of twclv men who are seleetod with great care. They must bo unacquainted with tho case so that tlioy may bo able to ren iler an impartial decision, llicy are placed in tho box" "In tho box? What kind of a box?" "in tho jury box. via you suppose it was a band bo4v or a match box?" "Do they box them separately or' "liiey pack tnem 111 oil liko Bar dines," said McDuffy, savagely, "and when you take them out you squeeze 301110 lomon juice jSow don't get sarcastic, Mr. Me Duffy. I understand tho boxing part of it; go on please. Noll, lifter they havo listened to evidence and pleading and havo been charged by the judge" 'Why 1 thought it was the lawyers who (lid tho charging," interrupted his wife. Will 3011 keep quiet? After the charge is delivered, thoy are looked up" "Loelcou Hi)! J noso innocent men that didn t know any thing about it locked nil? No wonder they killed themselves, poor tilings." "Great heavens!" gasped McDuffy "i Here, mere, near, don t swear. I'll not soy another word, I under stand it perfectly. Its just liko men tho mean things, home of them got mad because MoGonglo got out of a bath-tub. Say, Mr. McDuffy, what has a bath-tub got to do witii a there, don't swear, 1 understand it, but just wait until tho women make tho laws. We'll just hang 1 mean we won hang 1 moan Mr. McDuffy, I wish you would bring me two spools of white thread and a yard moro of cross barred jaconet for baby's dress. Here, little twootsy-wootsy, kiss papa before lie goes. Indianapolis Sentinel. ICELANDIC; GEYSERS. An Uxpltiuittlun of Their Occurronca Which N Worthy of Notice. Kov. Air. Moteallc, in -his book on Iceland, gives an account of t ho goy sors of that country, and adds an ex planation of their occurrence which is worthy of notice. Ha pitched his tent within twenty yards of the Great Gey ser, but as that was oulv bubbling and ing, without an oxposion to send up a column of water, ho removed to a smaller spring called the Strokr. So wo proceed, says he, "to this spring, winch is 0110 Hundred paces uiuth of tho Great Govser, ami. al though it has no cone, but rises from the lint, is tho more picturesque of the two. Forthwith wo '-oiled handfulsof turf and stones, and throw them into the Strokr's pipe; but nothing seemed to move him. Tho waters below grunted and snarled like a baited badger, but were not to be drawn. "'In the sulks,' said I, laughingly. us I stood with my back to the orifice. 'Here ho comes!' shrieked one of the party, as I heard a hiss like a rocket disengaging itself from its stick. 'Rush for your life!' and rush I did; but, my foot catching, down I fell. " 'Boiled alive,' was my instantan eous thought. Mho soothing waters will descend and overwhelm me.' And so thov would havo dono had not tho wind lioou from my side of tho spout, and carried tho waters in the other di rection. What a sight! A column of turbid water, never ending, still begin ning, darts into tho air at least ono hundred feet, bearing along with it all the unwholesome food with which wo had been loading tho creature's maw. Tho physical reason for the discharge. which is a feature common to several of the Icelandic hot springs, is pretty well understood. The pipe, which is forty-eight foot deep, diminishes from six loot, Its breath at tho top, to eleven inches at tho bottom. The injected mass of stones and other material acts like the shutting of a safety-valve; the steam has not a proper vent; it collects rapidly in tho subterranean chambers that arch over the fountains of. tho great deop until thoy aro charged to bursting, and suddenly driving back the continually encroaching waters, they lift off tho obstruction, and rush Into mid-air with tho velocity of a missil from the chamber of an Arm strong gun, and aro often illumined, as on the present occasion, by a beautiful tiris. "And where dons all tho wator como from? That, too, is easy of explana tion. It is tho dalnago of tho hills around, which, moating heated sur faces, gets to thoboiling point, and ux plodas whon it hiua olmuco."-- J'omAV toimmutau. . . . I LIGHT WEIGHT COINS. An Ancient Siut A lilrli rrerenU Thoso from 11 a I it 2 Itedecmod. When is live dollars not live dol lars? was the conundrum hurled at the head of a reporter by Edwin I, Abbott. Ho is a well-known attorney, nctivo in politcs, and tho brother of ex- Governor Leon Abbctt, of New Jersey. When tho reporter lind confessed that ho was ignorant enough to believe that five dollars was always five dollars, ho replied: "Not if it is light weight Let me tell you a storj of my ox perienco witii a fivo dollar gold pioce. Mind you, it was a gold piece the coin ol the realm, it nau uccn given mo by a client, with a number of other pieces and some paper money. I don't know at what bank ho procured it, but I know that ho went to some bank to get tho cash for me, and returned with tiiis piece among others. Tho banks pay them out, but thoy don't tako them in when thoy know it, as I found out later. Ihcro is a restaurant near my place of business where I havo little business transactions occasional ly with the proprietor or tho man be hind the counter. During the day tiiis fivo dollar gold piece wont over tho counter. The handsome young man with tho white apron balanced it in his palm for a minute mid then handed it back, saying: 'It's lijrht weight sir, wc can't pass them.' I was staggered. I thought a five dollar gold piece was good for something for its intrinsic value at least. But after satisfying myself that it was lislit weight I put it. back into my pocket and p.iid the bill out of other funds. It occurred to mo that 1 ought to test the passing qualities of tho coin at least once more, so I tried it at tho cigar store on my way up Broad ,vay. It was no go. Then I sallied into tho Park National Bank. I told I lie cashier frankly that 1 understood the coin to be light weight, and asked him to giro me its value. 'We can't do any tiling with it,' said lie. But ho suggested that I might bo relieved at the sub-Treasury. By this time 1 was somewhat mad, and I determined to follow that five-dollar gold piece to some kind of a resting-place if it took all, day. At tho Treasury there was less encouragement than any place I had yet ontered. They said th'cy could not exchange it or redeem it or do any tiling with it. This struck 1110 as a strange condition of tlrngs. As I went along Nassau street in a brown study my eye happened to light on tho sign of an office on John street. There is an announcement there that old gold will be bought. I walked in and held out the coin. 'It's short weight,' was all I said. 'So I see,' said the man in attendance, as he held it in his hand. 'What can you do with it?' 1 asked. Molt it,' was his reply. Ho gave me f 1.70 for it, tho value of the gold. Cu riosity possessed mo to know what would bo dono with it. Ho said tho gold would bo used for manufacturing purposes. Thou it struck me that thero is somewhere on the statute books an iron-clad law that no United Slates coin shall bo melted up for manufact uring nurposos under heavy penalties. I looked the law up. 'I here it is an ild law, very old, but I believo still in force. If I am correct about it, do you see tlio situattonr ihe uovcrn niont issues a gold coin. It says it shall be of such a weight, but it must necessarily get worn and abraded in constant circulation. Then it says it shall not bo redeemable in any way, shall become worthless in circulation hccau.su it is not redeemable, and yet shall not ho converted into any tiling also- , My gold piece bore date of 1817. I think on tlio whole 1 prefer green backs to coin, especially short-weight coin." .iV. J'. Tiibunc. A Race for Life. Mr. Inglis, a resident of Travancore, India, had a narrow escape from death tlio othor day, having to run for his life beforo a rogue elephant. Tho an imal was among a small clump of trees lose to the jungle path by which Mr. Inglis had to pass. After a careful sur vey of the "monarch," that gentleman dared to throw stones at him. Tlio lirst one missed, and only caused tho inimal to cock its ears to catch tho lightest sound. Tlio second went stniightor and hit him right in tlio eye. Iho elephant made 11 sal.iaiu-like move ment with his trunk, accompanied with a terrific roar of auger, and inado straight for his assailant at a furious pace. .Mr. Inglis, however, was too clover for him, and ran very fast, but, in suddenly turning a cor ner round a hugo tree, ho stumbled and fell. The elephant was closo on him with outstretched trunk, tho point of which at one time touched Mr. In glis's coat, and had his forefoot al ready raised to crush him; but tho an imal's head being caught at this in- stunt by the tendrils of a climbing plant which had susponded itself from the brandies above, ho turned away. leaving Mr. Inglis frightened, but with 110 limb broken. J ho regno Is a great terror on tho hills. X. J". Sun. Could Do Some Thing for Her. 'Tongue can not toll how much 1 love you, Miss Clara," ho said. "1 would do any thing in tho world for you." 'Would you," sho asked, wearily. 'Try inc." Well, go and spond the evening with Lllllo Brown." "Llllio Brown! What for?" ho asked, astonished. "1 hato her." -V. V. Sun. Tho tongue shows to a physician tho disim.se of tho body; to n philoso pher, tho disoosu of tlio mind; to a Christian, tho diseaso of tho houl. In dianapolis Journal. . .-- THE OMINOUS OPAL. A Jewelry .SaliMtn.in'i Chat About Till ,M licit-AImupcI (loin. The opal has como into fashion again so suddenly that its valuo has Increased tufiitv-fiva per cent, within the past ye ir. Although the prettiest combination in jewelry is the opal sur roumlcu with diamonds, there was such a prejudice against the opal that it had almost gone out of use previous to the recent revival. It began to go out of fashion about fifteen years ago, and there are sensible women, who are not superstitious, but who frankly ad mil that they havo a prejudice against opals. If the fashion can maintain it self for the next year, it mav dissipate tho popular prejudice and save ono of the prettiest jewels from obscurity Tlio opal is tho jewel of October, so that, according to popular superstition, those born 111 thai month are safe 111 wearing it. I have heard many inci dents of opals, which no doubt wero causes for tlio loss of popularity, and tho ascribing of bad luck by the wear ers lias no doubt deterred others from purchasing such ill-omens. There is a lady 111 the citvwlio has a full sclof opals and diamonds, ear-rings, breast pin, bracelet, rings and hat-pins, that is not equaled by any other set in the West. She was once prosperous and lived in wealth, but in the last five years has had more misfortunes than usually befall one woman. Divorce, loss of fortune, followed quickly upon the other. She never wears her opals now, and it lias been frequently re marked by her friends that they were the cause ot her ill-luck. 1 know an other lady who ascribes misfortune to a beautiful opal ring which she keeps because it is an heir-loom, but will not wear it nor allow her children to wear it. It, was given to her by her brother when 011 his death-bed, and upon her return to the city she wore it. J he very lust night tlio water-pipes burst and caused a damage of several thou sand dollars. She had had a presenti ment when shu put on the ring that some thing was going to happen, and after that night she ceased to wear it. Several years later her daughter put it on, and a gentleman friend was so taken with its appearance that lie asked to wear it. What followed is considered remarkable. He had been very prosperous, and had lately gone up like a rocket. Shortly afterward lie fell as suddenly. He returned the ring, having become a Convert to the popular prejudice. St. Louis Globe Democrat. CHINESE BOOK-KEEPING. What tt St. I,oul Mttrchnut Saw In a Crltwtial'n C'oimtllic Ilonm. The Chinese book-keeper is a curios ity, as lie flourishes on the western coast and around Portland, Ore. I us up around there recently, and with the idea of bringing homo some Chinese curiosities, visited several stores and shops. Some of tho biggest merchants 111 that country, you know. are Uhiueso. 1 went into one small place where a lot of books were spread out on a long counter, behind winch was a Chinaman, wliilo behind a sort of a desk at tiio other end was another wearer of tlio pigtail. Tho books looked to mo like almanacs, if the Chinese- havo such tilings, and, walk ing up to tiio counter, I turned two or three of thent over, looking at them to satisfy myself as to what they were. though, of course, I couldn't have told if I find looked a voar. The ink was still wet, as if a lien with inked feet had been walking back and forth over them.' This gave me the idea that I had strayed into a manufactory of Chineso almanacs, and noticing the yellow-liued gentleman behind the counter looking at me, I carelessly in quired: "How mueliee, John?" He lookeil at, me still, but without reply ing. "How mueliee, John?" I repeat ed; "want to buyce. This time John's features changed. Ho actually smiled as ho teplied: "Me no selfo tiiese bookee; 111c keepeo countec, telleo how luuchee Melican man owee." I had actually been trying to buy tho man's set of book. 1 don't know whether ho was the keeper of books for that en tire business portion of tho city, but if lie wasn't he had books enough to havo kopt all of their accounts. Their sys tem is cert,. inly original, and different fiom that with which tho English book keeper lias to wrestle. Frank A'toio um, m St. Louis (H il c-lu uiocrat. How He Received the News. A man covered with dust rushed into n Chicago business house, and, ap proaching the proprietor, said: "My dear sir. do not bo excited, but preparo yourself to hear bad nows." "Wliiif-s the matter?" "Your wife wont out to soo tlio ball game." "Yes." "I am just from the ball grounds. A frightful accident happened and" "And what?" "My dear sir, your wifo was killod." "Yes." said tho business man, "but how does tho score stand?" "Mv gracious alive, man, I tell vou that" "Yes, I know nil about that, but I have a hundred dollars up on the Chi cagos and am very anxious to hoar Ah, horo's tho evening paper. Hero, bub." Arfotnsaw Traveler. "Mr. Tart, I havo wrltton somo versos on my dog; would yon liko to hoar thum?" "Oh, don't troublo your self to road thum, Mr. Muse Just let 1110 know what part of the dog the) iro written 011, and 1 will hit the aiiul sumo day and mid thum my n .f." OauiU (nut Courier. "Mr. Dtisenbeiry, I bliva I'm wandering in my mind." "Don't be ttlurmi'd, irn deat; you'll not get icjt.". JOSH BILLINGS' BEGINNING. UU Interview with Artcmns Wnrtl A lliuulxumo Income in lino Time A more thrifty jwrson was Josh Billings. IIu wns nn auctioneer in tlio country parts of Now York stnto, who hml tiied nil sorts of things and continued to be poor. IIo tboupht ho said humorous things and wise ones too, but somehow nobody else could see them, Observing Ai lonim Ward to misspell all his humorous articles, Josh Billings undertook tho Kume with one of liK Immediately It took: wings and legaii to ny over tho Innd. II recognized the fnct that a mail must have no spell in this country mid net under its influ ence, but that he can have a inissjell and grow well oil. Now, Josh Billings wns really n somowhnt profound person with a cood ileal of Beujainin Franklin's happy faculty of saying a wis thing in a quaint way. But they would not pass unless they were misspelled. Tiiera wn no sense whatever in his missjwlling of tbeui. They were not misspelled in either tho negro, tlio Irish or Yankee dialect; it was nothing but arbitrary misspelling without any method. NVlien he obtained some currency ho cam down to Now York city to see the other humorists nndseo if they would not tnko him into their guild. Artemus Ward received him nfter his lectmv with profuse compli ments nnd made niuippoiutmeiit with him ntiv bookbeller's. Josh waited there two or thieu hours, until ho felt that he might 1)0 kicked out nnd came nwny and saw Artemus Want no more. It was tiio samo with all the rest of them; they wero poor scrntcliers for 11 livelihood, getting grins out of men instead ot guineas. So Josh Billings resolved to capitalize his humor in tlio best way he could. Ho sold himself to iihtory paper at so much a week, prepared nn almanac once a year nnd lectured whenever ho could get 11 chanco. In that way ho rolled up an income of km haps $C,0W a year, and saved it und handed it over to hU wifo and family. I saw him towards tho lost of his days n pearing in Iho New York hotels, n, rather lonely man whom hard worli lihd somouhat deprived of his power to bo quaint and origi nal. IIo said to me that ho wished hu hud kept tho funny paers ho had written in his youth and got nothing for them. Said hoj "Every ono of them is worth $100 now, but I can't make them ns I could then." This man, under a better organized society, would have been taken out of tho mere circus business of life and put to use and have given tnoro pleasure; and his collected works would havo somo unity about them. Gcorgo Alfred Townsend. Men with Funny Feet. 'Queer customers? Well, I should say bo," said a Broadway shoemaker, nho numbers among his patrons manv men of local nnd national renown. "Yes, we havo odd men to deal with." "And many funny feet to lit," suggested tho reporter. "Quito right Ono gentleman In the whole- salo liquor business down town is tho hardest customer to plcaso wo ever had. His feet, in addition to being largo and flat, havo low In steps nnd nro garnished with big bunions of tho most painful kind. Consequently hU shoes aro made to give plenty of room to thu excrescences, and when completed ara not unli!;o nn embossed map, with hills and dale distinctly outlined." "What does Mich a pair of shoes cost!" "Eighteen dollars. They aro mudo of tb flucst kid, Mif t and pliable, nnd two pairs will last u year if carefully dressed three times a week. Samuel J. Tilden wns u good patron of ours. Several years ago, when it was ru mored that he Intended to bo married, hu ordered an elegant pair of pumps. Tho leather was specially prepared in France und imported for the work. The hand sowing. was most exquisite, and the pumps wero- really a work of art; but although Mr. Tilden didn't mhniro them he paid the bill fij without a murmur." "Did ho tako tuo shoesi" "No; so we placed them in our show wbi- dow, wlnjre. they wero much admired. Onu day a young swell eauio along, took a fancy to them, paid $15 and carried off tho prize. 1 hey n ere tho daintiest littio pair of 'sixes wo ever turned out." "What urn r.01110 of tlio uunoynnces you havo to contend with?"' "Theviiroso numerous you would hardly care to print them, but 1 will enumeratf iv few. Among tho worst men we havo tv flt Mid it is a Washington market butcher,, who e left foot is larger, longer and slimmer than the right, Sometimes wo havo to mako tlireo pairs of boots lor him beforo ho is suited. Then we havo a Rixlli avemio con fectioner who has no toes on cither foot. I don't know how ho lost 1 hem born that way, fancy but tuo iuct remains that ho has no toes. IIo is a pretty tough man to pleaxo. Another mnii in tho employ of tho city gov ernment has the 1110 t monstrous great toes over saw. It seem-, to mo they must bo nearlv two and a hulf inches long. Thoy uro out of nil proportion to the other toes, and necessarily his shoes aro very hard to make." Iow ork bun. Lord ltoehester, eldest son of tho Earl of Carnarvon, comes of ngo this week nnd in herits tho Chesterfield estates. When hif father dies ho will b one of tho wealthiest of peers, as his Income will exceed f jOU.COU an nually. Is nn aflfectlon of the Liver, and can oe thoroughly cured hy that Grand Kegulntor of tho Liver uud Biliary Organs, SIMMONS LIVER REGULATOR MANCFACTCllED BY J. II. ZEILIN & CO., PhJladelphla, Pa. I was nfllicted for several years with disordered liver, which rctulted lu a severe attAck of jaundice, I had as . good medical attendnnee ns our sec tion affords, who failed utterly to ro rtore me to tho enjoyment of my former good health. 1 then tried tho favorite prescription of oue of tho most renowned physicians of Louis ville, Ky., but to no purpose; where upon I wa Induced to try Nlnuiionu Liver Ht'Kiilntor. 1 found Imme diate benetit from Its use, sad it ulti mately tutored me to the full enjoy, ment of health. A. II. SHIRLEY, Richmond, Ky. HEADACHE Proeearts from a Torpid Liver nnd Inv purities of the Stouinch. It can bo Invariably cured by taking SIMMONS LIVERREGULATOR Let all wbe tufler remember that 8I0K AND NERVOUS HEADACHES Qui b prTntnl bj Uking dOM M o(n u rhefe jmplona Udint lh coining pf na tltecfc. jj BSOOSJSIESS