Bandon recorder., April 01, 1909, Image 3

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ÍXZMTISTS SAY ADAM WAS A Pill
All Physicians
X»
Use
“Anything I can »how .rug, »lr?"
“Y'e»; 1 want to got some kind of toy
for my 3-year-old boy. Ifctve you aid­
thing that's indestructible? Something
he can't bleak* th« first tima h» plays
with it?"
“I thiuk so. We have some toy
irons."
"Have they got bandies on 'em?
“Of course.”
“Well, they won't last him five
tttaa. Show m» «omethine else.”
Must prescribe some of the In­
gredients that are contained In
Hood’s Sarsaparilla —for 4II trou­
bles of the blood, stomach, kid­
neys and liver.
They include sarsaparilla, rtilJingia
yellow dock, gentian, wild cherry batk
mandrake, dandelion, juniper hurries,
pipsissewa, etc.
The combination and proportions ar.
our own formula and give power to cut
BeifaTnu; His Pur.lon.
beyond the reach of any other prescrip­
tion or aubstiitite. That's whv it i There once was a versatile kaiser,
wise to get Hood's and only llood’.
Who in handing out talk was no miser;
He got a straight tip
To button his lip.
11« Preferred Oue rtlrl.
And now the kaiser is wiser,
Winn J. M. Battle, the author of —Chicago Tribune.
“Peter Pan,” addressed an audience of
’y One “BROMO QUININE”
a thousand girls at Smith College dur­ That Cn
is LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE. Look
ing his first American visit Of last for the siunaluro of E. W. GROVE. Used the
year, a friend asked him how he had world over to Cure a Coki in One Day. 25c.
found the experience.
Getting Acqualufd,
“Well,” replied Mr. Barrie, “to tell
“My dad can lick your'ti," said
you the truth. I'd much rather talk a Dick.
thousand times to one girl than to talk
“Maybe he can,” answered the new
one time to a thousand girls.”
boy with the golden curls, “but I can
whale the everlasting daylights out of
CITC
Vttua* Dance ana 'rvous pimimn ptrav
1113 neatly cured by l>r. » -iuu’a Grunt ftlerve Ke- you."
■torer. Send for FEES $3. CO trial I k ?’»It» and treatise.
Which he proceeded to do, with neat­
Dr. K. H. Kline, Ld., Uil Arch bt., l’hifadeiphia, l'a. ness and dispatch, and they were (irai
friends thereafter.
Expert Opinion.
“In your judgment,” cake.I the caller,
Recipe for Rheumatism. .
“wbat is (lie f tture of the aeroplane?"
To one-half pint good whiskey, add
“It's al) up in the air!" savagely an­
swered the information editor, who had one ounce syrup sarsaparilla, and one
made the same response to the question ounce Toris compound, Which can be
forty-seven times before.—Chicago Trib­ procured of any druggist. Take in
teaspoonful doses before each meal and
une.
I efore ret ring. Followed up, this is
a sure remedy.
CASTOR IÂ
Tor Infants and Children.
The Kind Yen Have Always Bought
Bears the
Signature of
He
Knew.
Teacher—Tommy, who was Cleopatra?
Tommy Tucker—Cleopatra was the col­
ored womap who ns-d to do our washin',
ma'am. Iler other u.iiue was Jackson.
PILES CURED IN 6 TO 14 DAYS
PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any
case of Itehingr, Blind, Bleeding or Protruding
Piles in 6 to 14 days or money refunded. 50c.
“ADAM” AND SOME OF HIS DESCENDANTS.
VIA SACRA.
Slowly along the crowded street I go,
Marking with reverent look each passer's
face ;
Seeking, and not in vain, in each to trace
That primal soul whereof he is the show.
For here still move, by many eyes un­
seen.
The blessed gods that erst Olympus kept;
Through every guise these lofty forms
serene
Declare the all-holding life hath never
slept,
But known each thrill that in man's heart
bath been
And every tear that his sad eyes have
wept,
Alas for us! the heavenly visitants—
We greet them still as most unwelcome
guests.
Answering their smile with hateful looks
askance,
Their sacred speech with foolish bitter
jests;
But oh, what Is it to imperial Jove
That this poor world refuses all his love!
•—Charles A. Dana.
If | Nannette —
>
’s Woe
“Aunt Nancy’s come,” Nnnnette an-
r.ounced to her bosom friend in a
choked voice, “and of all the frights 1
“What do you mean?” asked her
bosom friend.
“Well.” hesitated
Nnnnette, “of
course she's as neat as can be, but her
clothes look as if they were made for
Mrs. Methuselah.”
“If it's only her clothes, you needn't
worry.” remarked the bosom friend.
“You don’t have to wear ’em.”
“It’s not only her clothes!" shrieked
Nannette. “It’s her notions! They are
simply appalling.”
“For instance?” suggested the bosom
friend, taking a look at her back hair
in the mirror with the help of a hand
glass.
“For one thing, she objects to my
name,” explained Nnnnette, indignant­
ly. “Tile very first thing she did—
after taking a comprehensive view of
the family—was to start at me through
lier spectacles— steel-rlmined ones, at
that—and ask: 'Is tills one Nancy, my
godchild?'
"Dail, who is as proud ns can be of
his enormous family, looked a little
sheepish at that.
“ 'Y-y-yes,* he stuttered. ‘We had
her christened Nancy, of course, hut
she has taken a fancy to be called—
er—Nannette.’
“•Humph!” said Aunt Nancy.”
“You should have seen her stare.
“‘Am I to understand, Maria,' she
asked, fixing poor mother with here
eye, 'that tills child has visitors from
whose company her parents and her
brothers and sisters are barred?’
“ 'Times have changed, Nancy,’ said
dud. looking silly.”
“And Aunt Nancy?” prompted the
bosom friend.
“‘In my time,’ said Aunt Nancy, ‘it
was our greatest pleasure tp have our
parents and all the family enter into
our enjoyments and help In the en­
tertainment of our friends. Hospitality
meant something then, and I believe
our guests enjoyed themselves. It
seems to me anything but dignified for
parents to be excluded, or for any room
in their house to be shut away from
them.’ ”
“Well, I declare!" said the bosom
friend.
“Now. do you wonder that I was
frightened at the idea of Charles meet­
ing her?" asked Nannette. “But I
haven’t told you the worst,” with
gloomy emphasis. “I slipped away
while she was still holding forth, hop­
ing that* she would forget all about
it. But I couldn’t shake off my fore­
bodings and the conversation flagged.”
“Nothing unusual In that, is there?”
wickedly interposed the bosom friend.
“Chnrles actually began to look
bored,” contihued Nannette. “and then
we l>oth luid such a shock! If you
manner. I don’t know when I have
seen Charles so interested. It was
strange talk to me, too, for, as dad
says. I have neglected to cultivate my
mind.
“They talked about literature, art,
politics, and even science, and I had
to sit there like a dummy and listen
to them. Even while he was bolding
my hand to say good night he was
looking at and talking to Aunt Nancy.
“Now what do you think of that?
“I think you’re lucky that your Aunt
Nancy is too old for Charles to marry,”
said the bosom friend.—Chicago Dally
News.
Deeaaeuce.
“Is it true,” inquired the traveler who
was standing in front of the Art Insti­
tute, "that a confidence man once sold I
these big bronze lions to a trusting stran­
ger for $75 or some such pitiful sum?”
“Y’ep,” said the policeman; “the con
men in this town are Iosin’ their grip. I
can remember when they wouldn’t sell
nothin' smaller than the Masonic Temple
to a vadioo."—rTib-i",o Tribune.
He
Lengthened the Day
Korean Village.
for a
Hope Deiereu.
When first I sought the writers' ranks
My verse was taken in with thanks.
Tis years since that initial splash—
1’hey've never s uit the promised cash.
To wait and get no pay, I find,
Is worse than having things declined.
—f’levebv <1 Pl-In Dealer
Mother* r. Ill find Mrs. Winslow's Soothing
Syrup th»- b st remedy to uho for their cUHdrea
luring the tea thing period.
Under No Obligation«.
“Senator, you surely will vote for this
measure.”
“Why should I?”
“It’s for the benefit of posterity.”
“Posterity may go hang! I kuow al­
ready what posterity will say altout me,
and I'm going to get even with it before­
hand. I shall vote against the bill just
to spite posterity.”
1'nele Jerry.
“I shouldn't wonder,” said I’nele .Terry
Peebles, “if there was something in this
idee that the condition of a man's teeth
Specnlal Ion’s Demoralising Effect.
has a whole lot to do with his moral
“llow about your gold mining stock, character. The biggest liar I ever knew
old chap? Still panning out well? '
in my life wore a full set of false teeth.”
"Panning out? No. Next thing to —Chicago Tribune.
it, though. It's Petering out."—Chicago
Tribune.
OUT OF DOOR WORKERS
Men who cannof slop >
for a rainy day.- will' >' '
find the greatest
comfort and freedonvsr-?-
of bodily movement
in
, -------
WATERPROOF
OILED CLOTHIN
SLICKERS$3Q9 SUITS W
r erry »nreiicst. born use every year
Hi»*retailer r» »»anew supply,freshly
Lebt«-d am put np. Y< u i ti no risk of
i rr<*n.nant st
n e take
the pains ; youg-! ilie resti its. Buy <f the
lM*st equlpp« <1 ami tni.-t expert semi grow­
ers in Aim rica. Iti « lo our advantage to
satisfy you. Wa w II _ For bn le every-
where. Our
Uur 19t
eed Annual free.
W rite to
D r. r
Y .1 co
Deficit. Mieti.
Every garment bearing
the sign of the fish'
guaranteed waterproof
Catalog free
A J Town» CO BOSTON USA
(RESCENT
BAKING POWDER
Egg-Phosphate
wm. DO AU
THAT AST
HIGH PRKÆD
K)UD£R WILL
C DO AND
Serna
MISSIONARY’S LITTLE JOKE.
Hw
Beware of the Cough
that hangs on persistently,
breaking yuur niglu’s rest aiid
ex ha listing \ ohm nh the vkdaBce
of the parox vena». A frwdoies
ot l'iso’s Cure Mill relieve won-
dcifully any cough, no matter
how f r advanced or serious.
It aoothas and heals the irritated
surfaces, clears the elorged air
passage» and »he cough disap-
pear*.
At all drug guts', 25 eta.
DO u BEITER
A FULL POUND 25c.
Get it from
your Grocer
Cleanses the System
The Koreans in the vicinity of Seoul,
IJfecUaWy
the capital city, and around the treaty
ports are fast losing their early guile­ Dtspds colds and Headaches
lessness in trying to follow the march
duelo Co\\sV\paX\oia;
of western civilization, says the Youth’s
Companion. In the mountains of the Acts xvaVuvaXXy, acVsXvvdy as
Of Replacing Teeth in the Human Mouth is the
interior, however, conditions ure much
aLaxalwe.
Greatest Advance Ever Made in Scientific Dentistry
the same as in the days when Korea
A few years apro Marconi came before the world with the statement that he could
could justly be termed the “hermit na­ Best Jov MeniVomcn awdCliild
transmit meseaffea through ‘he air by electricity without the u?e of wires. Every telegraph
operator in the land scoffed at the idea and said it could net I m * done.
tion” and the inhabitants knew little
aud 0\d.
Likewise the Alveolar System <f replacing* teeth in the human mouth without the use
and cared less about occidental pro­
of cumbersome and unsightly plates, which is the latest method to be adopted by scientific
To
Ws
benej\c\a\
ejects.
dentistry.
gress.
If you have two or more teeth in either jaw. either tight or loose ones (we make the
aYways bu\ the Gewuxe,
Among the American missionaries
loose ones tight and healthy) we guarantee to put in for you a beautiful set of teeth that
can
hardly
be told from natural ones. All work absolutely painless.
manufactured
by
tke
who were in the habit of making pro­
These
Teeth
Will Outlast Those Who Are Wearing Them
tracted trips in the interior of the coun­
If we can beautify your appearance and build up your health with a new set of Alve­
try there was one who, in addition to
olar System teeth, or enable you to do away with a wobbly, unclean, partial plate or ill-
fittinir piece of ordinary bridge-work, wouldn't it be the greatest service that could be done
being a zealous worker, was also a good
for you ?
ig
yrup
o
deal of a wag.
On the occasion of one of his inland SOLD BY ALL LEADING DRUGGISTS
journeys he found himself at nightfall one size only, regular price 50» per battle.
in a small village, where he was to
spend the night in the straw-thatched
dwelling of one of the native converts.
The ALVEO-
We make
The sleeping chamber was the usual
tiny room, heated by a system of flues
LAR SYSTEM
absolutely
Costs 60c—90c Her aero tor teed. ■3QBQ
beneath the mud floor and rendered
ndcrful vra»« of the centnry.y leldlnif from ■
is to the old
NO CHARGE
nearly air-tight by closely fitting oil
paper, windows and doors.
time method«
for advice
>ns of hay p-r a< re and iota of pasture be B
It was fearfully hot and about mid­
.simply grows, grows, grows! Cut it today B
weeks it looks tor the mower again, an<l B
what Wirele«
We examine
night the American could stand it no ► ■oon. urou.«
and flourishes everywhere, on every I
'»rm In America. < Leaf) ns dirt ¡luxuriant a* ti e |
longer, so he strolled out in the open
bottom lands of Egypt. Biff m*ed catalog free or .
it to the
your mouth
• ' nd lOo in stamps anti receive sample of thU ,
for a breath of air. The village was
i wonderful crraas.alsoof^poita, the cereal wonder. |
ordinary
and advise
Bar ley, Oat<, Clovers, Grawn, etc., etc.,and ca’n- '
wrapped in slumber, so just for a Joke
fr<n. Or «.-nd 140 »"d we will add a uoiflf
farm seed novelty never seen by you before.
and with no ulterior motive the mis­
Telegraphy
conscientiously
SALZER SEED CO., Bo» PC La Crosse. WIs.
sionary let out a lusty Imitation of a
rooster’s crow. This was Immediately
taken up by a wakeful bird in a court­
yard near and In a few minutes every
The 2
fowl wns adding his morning salute
to the general chorus.
It didn’t hurt a bit. Now for my Alveolar Teeth.”
Now watches and alarm clocks wer».
In a c*.«e like the above, all dentists throw up their hands and «ay there Is no hope ex­
an unknown luxury in the village and
cept in the use of a false plate. The Alveolar System solve« the problem and now p’ates are
seldom
necessary unless every tooth is irone. We are positively painless dentists in every
the people were accustomed to time
branch, and for 30 days wd make the following money-saving prices:
their rising hour by the roosters. In
. $3.50
22K Gold or Porcelain Crowns
are the
a few moments, therefore, the sleepy
- ‘ - $3.50
Bridge Work (all kinds) each tooth
Koreans came straggling out of their
25c and 50c
Silver Fillings.....................................
little huts and after starting the fires
$3.50 up
We
are
expert
plate
makers
on which to boll the morning rice
50c
Painless Extracting (free with all work)
lighted their long bamboo pipes and
Write for our Booklet, which will be sent free, "The Great Alveolar Electric System.”
squatted round in little groups to wait
We are the only real Alveolar Dentists in Portland. Beware of imitator*.
for sunrise.
fast through trains
We do work for out-of-town people in shortest possible time.
Their amazement can be Imagined
between
when the hours went by and still there
were no signs of light in the east.
PORTLAND and
“Irun chame,” said one to another,
Dentists of 5 to 20 Years Active Practice in Portland
as with o[x>n mouth he pondered over
SPOKANE
N.
E
Comer
Fourth
and Washington Streets
PORTLAND, ORE
the phenomenon.
Office Hours: 8amto8p.nL
Entrance 110 1-2 4th St.
Years have passed since then, but In
Sundays, 9s.m. to 12.
Phone A1171
at least one village In Korea all events
still date back to “the night when the
morning didn't come.”
The Alveolar System
CALIFORNIA
F S
C .
S3
BILLIONS GRASS
B
“SUE OBJECTS TO MY NAME.”
will believe me, who should come
marching into the room but----- ”
“Aunt Nancy?” breathlessly inter­
rupted the bosom friend.
“Aunt Nancy,” repeated Nanette.
“Wasn’t it awful? I had been so
afraid of something of the kind. She
plnnted herself in the only straight-
backed chair in the room and, sitting
"Haven’t I always heard you speak bolt upright, gave me my orders:
of your Aunt Nancy ns a paragon?”
“ ‘Now, Nancy, introduce to me your
demanded the bosom friend. “Haven’t friend.’
you told me time and time again that
your father looks upon her ns the salt
“Charles had been lounging In his
chair and I assure you, Isabel, that
of the earth?"
“He does.” acknowledged Nannette. the way she looked him over through
“And so do I at a distance. But tie­ her spectacles made him straighten up
cause she is dad's favorite sister why in short order.
“I felt as if I should sink through
must I follow her old fogy notions?
“Why she was perfectly scnmlallxed the floor when she came In wearing her
at the idea of my entertaining Charles plain black drees and white collar and
all the evening without the assistance cuffs, her hair parted tn the middle
of the other members of the family! and plastered down on ench side, look­
ing the world as if it had been var­
The idea!
“Of course when the bell rang at nished, she had brushed it so smooth.
the accustomed hour, that horrid Tom You know how stylish and exclusive
had to bellow out. ‘It's Nan's Tuesday Charles' people are?.
“Well, before 4 knew It. they were1
night bean. Aunt Nancy. Parlor’s pre
talking together in the most animated
smpted for the evening.’
“FLYERS”
O. R. & N.
The Alveolar Electric Painless Dentists
WM. M c M urray , g . p . a
Portland
IB
Flavoring. It makes •
“I want to give her a useful pres­
ent that costs enough to make it seem
m
i
worth while,” he said to the obliging
----------------------------------- .
_---------------- —
- --------- ~—
.J
salesman of the great department
store.
“What do you say to a dozen strict­
ly fresh eggs?” the salesman obliging­ Color more goods brighter and faster colors than any other dya. Ona 10c package colors silk, wool and cotton equally well
ly suggested. —Cleveland Leader.
•nd is guaranteed to give perfect results. Ask dealer, or we will send P_<**iPal£ AOc a P/J
¡J}* for
booklot
bow to dya, bieacidand nd* colors-
MONROE DRUG COMPANY, Quincy, lAinoia.
Answered the Requirement«.
■VI Ar LEI N E >rup
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES
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