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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 14, 1901)
»+*+»+>-P • • - h + •!■•+•+v+ PEIL DENNETT'S "HIGHBACK." BY JOHN BOYD CLARKE. Copyriulrt. im , bu Juhn •4-¿4~« ►r + <•¥ * > Clark* 4* 4* • 4* • 4* î4*Î 4* v4* OTTED over the great grain prairies of upper Minnesota are many little communities of unpointed plank cottages or even of "sod" houses whose itants possess more of the characteris tics of the old time Yankee than the present occupants of our New England homesteads. And the reason for this Is plain. These western Yankees are lineal descendants of our best Puritan Stock and in migrating to their prairie homes from the rugged New England hill farms took the peculiarities and homely virtues of their ancestors with them. Boston "culture” has been Al tered over the New England farm steads, and the old time Yankee or the old fashioned Yankee community is an Impossibility in the east. But these westerners display the in dustry and frugality of their ancestors. They are a hardworking people whose pleasures come laboriously. For eight months in the year It is a tug with na ture for the necessities ami a few of the luxuries of life. The other four months they are snow bound. It is in this season, when the snow mantles the prairies and the Ice king fetters the water courses, however, that the Minnesota boys and girls find most of their pleasures. It Is in winter that "school keeps,” ami some of the pupils are well grown youths and maidens. There is little time for education during the rest of the year, and the ambitious are not ashamed to Hhow tlieir anxiety for "book learning.” The schoolhouse, usu ally in the center of the widely scat tered community. Is the headquarters for all Junketings and frolics. If the schoolmaster happens to be musically inclined, so much the better. There is at once a singing school established for one evening in the week. Several years ago In a community of this kind known as Sassafras Bottoms the young people formed a singing club which met at the schoolhouse on Fri day evenings. The people of the Bot toms made up a typical Mlnnesotiau community—there were none very rich and few very poor. The young people had all met each other in the common school, that great leveler of class dis tinction, and there were few cliques. There was one family, a recent ac quisition to the Bottoms, which was rather an exception to this, however. They had lived some years down St. Paul way in a much more thickly set tled part of the state and were inclined to look down a little upon their new neighbors. Especially was this true of the son and daughter. Iliram Ball was a little spick and span fellow, with dark complexion and eyes and hair as black as coal. lie was very gallant with the ladies and was Inclined to snub somcof the boys in n way which they could not resent excepting in their hearts. His sister Mira was a pretty little brunette, but she, like her brother, had such an exalted opinion of her own importance that she was not very popular. In fact, the coming of the Balls to Sassafras Bottoms was the sowing of discord in the social life of the community. The winter of which 1 write began with a good fall of snow the day be fore Thanksgiving, and at once the boys got out their sleighs and planned to take the girls to ride. There were all sorts and conditions of sleighs, j from tlie wood sled with a carriage | seat altixed and the ordinary “pung" to Phil Dennett’s old fashioned "high- back." Phil Dennett was the acknowl edged leader among the young fellows je Bottoms, and It was considered ^vLeuething of an honor among the girls to be Invited to share his sleigh to and from singing school. The old highback, a huge box affair which lmd often held a merry party of six quite comfortably, was an institution In the Dennett fam ily. It had tielonged to Phil’s great- uncle, and Pltll patched and puinted It every fall with a sort of veneration. Phil was a merry, good tempered fel low, and, as I have hinted, the girls of his acquaintance were glad to go sleighing with him. But for two or three winters past there had been few er frolics In the old highback. Phil had seemed to prefer taking one young lady at a time, and that fortunate per son was always the same—the doctor’s daughter. Myrtle Iiemp. Other girls who may have secretly “set tlieir caps" at the big, good natured young farmer had to turn their eyes elsewhere per force. Hiram Ball happened to pass the Dennett place the morning after the first snowfall and saw Phil’s box sleigh In the yard. “Hello, Dennett!” he exclaimed. “Where’d you get that ark?” “Don’t you like ’be looks of it?” queried Phil coolly. “It looks like a relic of the mound builders,” said Hl, with a laugh. “Don’t s’pose your sister would care to go sleighing with me, eh?” respond ed Phil. * "Well, hardly—In that thing.” “All right; I shan't ask her, then.” “Say, you don't really mean to say that you'd ask a girl to go to ride with you In that?” demanded III confldeti tlally. Phil looked at 1dm calmly, but with u spark of fire in his eye. “If you wait till Friday night, you'll see the nicest girl In these bottoms riding In It." lie said. "Myrtle Kemp, I mean.” The shot told, for It was nn open se cret that Phil was not the only fellow who worshiped at the shrine of the doctor’s daughter. Myrtle Kemp was almost the only girl In the neighborhood whom Miss Ball put herself out to become frlcndlr with, and It was whispered that that was entirely for her brother's Bak-'. Most of the young men of the Bottoms had long since decided that l'bll had outclassed them In Myrtle's favor, but Hlratn Ball was bound by no such be lief. In truth, although Phil had made up his mind regarding Myrtle, he was not nt all sure that she had made up her tnlnd regarding him. and the poor fellow Aid not dare risk coming to the issue with the doctor’s daughter. Most of the boys were too busy mak ing nil secure almut the farmsteads foi the winter (that first fall of snow lmd come a little unexpectedly! to do iffueli D sleighing previous to tl.e mi ¡Il of the siuging club. Ph heavy wagons and wood sleds bad by that time beaten a very fair path in the snow. Phil hud not seen Myrtle, but It was quite un derstood between them that he was al ways to stop for her ou his way to the schoolhouse. The day before, Thurs day, somebody told him in the store that III Ball laid got a new sleigh. “It's come up on the last trip of the river steamer -come 'way from St. Paul,” said Ids informant. “An they say It’s a hummer. All red an yaller an silver bells on to the shafts. He’ll Inhab cut some of you l>oys out with the gals this winter.” I'ldl scarcely thought this probable, however. Hi was most unpopular with the boys and was hardly liked by the girls despite Ids gallantry. But Phil had yet to learn that the glitter of gilt Is often mistaken for the gleam of pure gold. He harnessed his best horse into the box sleigh at the usual time and set out for the doctor’s house. Far up the road, slewing out of a side lane which led to the Ball farm, there was a flash of red and yellow. It was Hiram’s new sleigh, and behind Hiram’s pacer It quickly disappeared from Phil’s sight. He jogged along moderately. There was plenty of time before the singing school began. When he reached the doctor’s front gate, he noticed that a sleigh had stop ped there before him, for he could see the tracks, but he still had no sus picion of the disappointment which awaited him. The Jolly little doctor met him at the porch door. “You’re too late. Phil!” he exclaim ed. laughing In his usual boisterous manner. "M.vrt’s gone." "Iley!” drawled the astonished Phil. “She ain’t gone alone?" "Bless you. no!” cried the doctor. “Hiram Ball Just came in his new sleigh and took her. I tell you what, Phil. Ill's going to cut all you boys out witli that new cutter of his.” Phil climbed back into the old high- back and drove away without a word. He was dazed and bitterly disappoint ed. He was half minded to turn back "you’re too late, Phil!" he exclaimed. ''Myrt's yone." and not go to the schoolhouse at all. But then, pride coming to his rescue, he would not do that. He thought once of going around by some other girl's house and "spitelug” Myrtle in that way. But Phil was fli'st of all Just. There might be a mistake. Myrtle might have thought be was not com ing. Perhaps she hail been told he was not. lie believed III thoroughly un scrupulous. So he drove on alone to the schoolhouse and hitched Black Bob to the rail beside Hi's handsome new turnout. It was a pretty cutter—rath er too light for country travel—and he could scarcely blame any girl for want ing to ride in it. The other fellows had gathered around and "thought” many things when Phil drove up alone, but nobody cared to chaff the big fellow. A mas tiff Is usually good natured, but there are some liberties that even a mastiff will not allow. The boys and girls seldom sat with each other—unless it was a well under stood fact that they were engaged — and Myrtle was In the midst of a bevy of chattering friends when Phil enter ed. She seemed to talk all the faster as he appeared, and an unmlstakab'-» blush arose to her cheek. Secretly th» doctor's daughter knew she had trea‘- ed her old friend meanly. Phil calmly took his Heat, but before the evening was over he found an op portunity to speak n moment with Myrtle in private. “Will you ride home with me. Myr tle?” he asked. “Oil, I must go back with Mr. Ball,” she said nervously. “I have prom ised.” "You knew I was comlug for you," he said quietly. “Will you go back with me?” “I'll be glad to come with you next week, Phil.” she said. “I don’t want you next week," he said, flashing fire. “I want you to night." "Very well. If „oil don’t want mo next week, you are not obliged to have me," responded Miss Myrtle, with her head up. The red and yellow cutter stopped at the doctor’s gate the next Friday night Phil’s highback went around by the other road. There wns nothing more said by either; neither could their friends pump anything regarding the estrangement out of them. And Hiram Ball, wisely, scaled his own lips also. Phil did not miss a session of the singing dull, lie seldom called for or drove any of the girls home. If he did, It was always somebody who oth erwise would linve been neglected. He told himself that Myrtle should see he was no weathercock. And, In truth. If lie could not have the girl of his choice he wanted none at all. The winter drew toward spring. There had been a thaw In Februar” which nlmost spoiled the sleighing, but wlieu It grew cold again the hard pack ed snow froze solid, and the runners fairly hummed over the roads. The wiseacres, too, declared that the win ter was by no means over. There was a big storm due, nnd the longer ft de layed the more severe It would prove wlicn It finally came. One Friday late In the month the snowbanks began to pile up around the horizon, nnd the farmers hastened to get their sheep Into the folds and make all secure for the night. There wns little wind, however, and the storm grew slowly Phil was late nt tlie siuging • lub that ulglit. U was well under way when lie entered, and as he came In lie brought with film a sudden cold blast of wind. 'Ibe tlrst flakes of the comlug storm sparkled on his bearskiu coat. "You had better close early, Mr. Em ery.” lie whispered to the master as he passed to a seat. "There 1» going to be a heavy gale.” Hut it is hard to break up a merry party of young people. The fine snow sifted dowu about the schoolhouse and packed bard over the door stone. Had they been without they would have heard now and then the snapping of the overladen branches of the forest trees behind the building. Tlie school house stood upon the verge of a wood. By the time the sesslou broke up the wind had risen and was moaning angrily through the forest. It swept the snow fiercely into their faces as they breasted It too. It was astonish ing how much had already fallen. Everybody but Phil and the^iaster nurrled to get away. The lattffr lived at tlie nearest farmhouse - almost with in stone's throw of the school—and Pldl had i> question or two In algebra lie wanted explained. Although the young farmer did not attend the regu lar sessions of the school, he neverthe less spent his evenings at home iu studying such books ns he had pre viously had no opportunity of dipping Into. "Come, Phil, you'd best burry along yourself,” said Mr. Emery, going to the door and receiving the full strength of tlie gale in ids face. “Why, it’s a bliz zard!” "I’ll see you home first,” said Phil, laughing. “Black Bob Is the Vest horse In a storm In the Bottoms. 1 shall get home all right.” Thev dug out the old box sleigh aud backed tlie big black out of tlie horse shed. The others were already out of sight and hearing. l’bll aud the mas ter tumbled Into the sleigh, and Black Bob quickly drew them through tlie fast drifting snow to the master’s a I >ode. “You’d better spend the night here. Phil,” said Mr. Emery. “Nonsense!” responded tlie young fel low, with a laugh. “Well, you’ve a good horse and Just tlie sort of n sleigh for the storm. The wind will lie behind you most of the way too. That light cutter of Ball’s will fare hard tonight." The teacher’s last sentence repeated Itself over and over in Phil's mind as lie drove toward home. Perhaps that was why he turned Into the road which passed the doctor’s house Instead of taking the more direct route home. Black Bob breasted the snow nobly and responded to Phil’s verbal encour agement without his recourse to the whip. and he wns almost past the doc tor’s before lie knew It. He could not see the house the driving snow hid that—but he recognized the big black gum In tlie fence corner. HI and Myr tle must have got along liefore. At least lie hail not passed them on the road. “Get up. old boy!" said Phil. "They’ll keep 1dm all night, so lie’s In no dan ger. If he Is, It Isn’t any of our busi ness.” Fifteen minutes later Black Bob sud denly stopped of his own accord. “Well, what's up now?" demanded Pldl In wonder. The old farm horse whinnied lot; illy, nnd borne to Phil's ears in reply faintly yet certainly wns the whinny of another horse. "By George. It's a horse!” cried Pldl. He stood up and listened. The whinny was repeated, and added to it were the tones of n limnn:. voice "It’s somebody off the fond,” thought Phi). “Ami dollars to doughnuts It's that fool. Bnll!" But ns much ns he hated Hiram he could scarcely leave him unassisted In such a storm as this. The road rati through nn v/’fenced prairie. It wns very easy indeed to get off the track. Phil pulled Blnck Bob out of the road nml urged him through the drifts In tlie direction of tlie cries of distress. The snow swirled about them in a mighty shroud. He recognized the risk lie tool In leaving the trail, but what else could lie do? He shouted ns Blnck Bob pressed on. but tlie voices In front seemed to re cede. It wns ten minutes or more ere lie came In sight of n mistily outlined object in tlie snow—a horse nnd cutter hnlf burled In the drifts. Pldl burs' out nt once. "What the dickens did you want to run away from me for?” he yelled. “Hey there! Do you hear me. Ball? Can you turn your horse around?” p.ut ft wns not Hi’s voice that re plied. Instead somebody cried, and In a voice of nlmost rapture: "Thank (HI it Is Pldl!” Phil was ou! of the sleigh nnd had struggled through (he snow to the cut ter in an Instant. "In heaven’s name, how came you here, Myrtle?” be gasp ed Hiram was huddled upon the seat by the girl's side, speechless from cold nnd fright. "Ob, Pldl,” she cried, “is it really you? Cnn vou save us? We went by the house, 1 guess; It stormed so we did not know it." "1 reckon you did go by the house!” exclaimed Phil. “And you’re a long wny off the road now. I've been fol lowing you for 15 minutes. Black Bob heard your horse squealing or I should have passed right by without being nny the wiser.” "What shall we do?” demanded the girl. “We can’t turn this sleigh nround. Tlie horse I almost played out.” "What’s the mntter with him?” ask rd Pldl. pointing to the silent Hl. "He’s hnlf frozen.” "And lie's got more than half of the robes, too!" said Phil in disgust. "He needs them more than I do,” n|M)loglzed Myrtle. "You won’t leave him here to freeze?" she ndded. In sud den terror. “That's just like a woman when she ioves a man." thonght poor Phil. “Al Mays thinks of him first.” Aloud lie said: "We’re none of us going to freeze If I can help It. Sit where you are until I unhitch your horse. We might as well gij^e him a chance for his life.” When lie began to do (Vis, however, Hiram aroused himself. “Wbat are you doing. Dennett?” he cried. “If you let the horse loose, we’re lost!” He seized the whip and tried to reach Phil with It. The horse tiegan to plunge. Phi) sprang forward and caught the whip from the other’s Lnnd. “Keep quiet,” be said sternly, "or I'll warm you with this lash uivself.’ lliintn i ii l a. k aud >w..... Myith shiaii1 i . tn.iu him. Iml Phil did. uot »,, I,,.|- He had turned bls alien tiou to ili<- restive horse again and soon hail him free. "I’m afraid," be said gravely, "that we cannot get out of here till It stops allowing, i am going to uubitcb Black Bo!>. ami we will all come back luto my sleigh." "I'm going to stay here," growled Hiram. "We'll do whatever you say. Phil,” declared Myrtle. Phil loosened Black Bob from the shafts, ami the two horses plunged away into Hie storm. Then, after vast labor, lie partially cleared away a suow bank and turned the huge, old fashion ed highback over. It would have shel tered half a dozen quite comfortably. "<'ome back here now,” he shouted lo tlie couple half buried In the smaller sleigh. l ite girl struggled out, but Hiram re fused to move. "Stay there, then, and be a derned fool!” l’bll exclaimed wratlifully, and he half carried Myrtle to the overhanging sleigh and placed her among the warm robes. "You will uot let him stay there to freeze to death,” she whispered plead ingly. “Make him come.” "All right.” responded I’ldl bitterly and went back and drove Hiram out of the cutter, secured all the robes and made him Join Myrtle under the high back. Then the brave fellow crawled in himself and let the box sleigh settle dowu about them. In a few minutes they were burled by the driving snow. “We must get Myrtle between us,” said Phil. “She will be warmer there. If tills old blizzard doesn’t last too long, somebody will be along to dig us out tomorrow.” Ball yielded the warmer position to the girl witli a very ill grace. The common metal underneath the gilt was showing very plainly. Myrtle turned her back upon him completely. She and Phil spoke together only In whis pers. “Dear Phil,” she said, “we should have died had you not come.” “Humph! The old highback Is good for something nt a pinch!” remarked Phil, with pardonable maliciousness. "And old friends prove the most faitliful In tlie end.” whispered tlie doc tor's daughter. Phil simply grunted. But when, a moment later, be found she was softly crying, with her nose buried In the collar of Ids bearskiu coat, he threw injured pride to tlie winds and Just put Ills arms around her. What be said and wbat she said after that was none of Iliram Ball’s business, nor Is It any of yours, Inquisitive reader. In tlie morning, when the storm had ceased, a searching party discovered the horses tu a little grove off tlie trail, where they bad taken shelter, and soon afterward found the overturned sleigh aud the three castaways all warm and secure. Hiram Ball left his useless cutter where It lay, but Phil dug out the old highback and drove Myrtie home in It. nnd when tlie sleighlug was good the next winter he brought the doctor's daughter to siuging school as Ills wife. Death Gulch. A ravfne In the northeast corner of Yellowstone National park, in Wyo ming, is known by those living near by ns Death gulch. Grewsome as Is the name. It Is exceedingly appropriate. It Is n V Bbaped trench cut in tlie moun tainside and begins about 250 feet above Cache creek. Apparently it forms a natural shelter for the beasts of tlie forest, as food, water and shelter are there, but entrance to the gulch means death to any animal, for the poisonous vapors that rise out of the ravine are more deadly than tlie bullets of the huntsmen. For ages this death trap In the Rocky mountains bus probably been luring the inhabitants of the forest to tbelr doom. With the rains of spring the bones of the dead of the preceding year are car ried down to the creek and the gulch cleared for the death harvest of the Summer and winter. The geologists say that the lavas which fill the an’eient basin of the park at this place rest upon the flanks of mountains formed of fragmentary vol canic ejects. Gaseous emauations are given out in great volume. These come, the scientists say, from deposits of al tered and crystalline travertine mixed with pools in the creek. Above these deposits the creek cuts Into a bank of sulphur. In the bottom of the gully Is a small stream sour with sulphuric acid. No wonder the |>oor animals seeking shelter In the gulch meet death there. ( ITIb S Obb PRANKS. WHY SOME WOMEN FELL IN LOVE WITH THEIH HUSBANDS The Strike... Peculiar Iteaaoa* Thai hi Tliue. In» fluence the Fair Sei In Muller, ut the Heart—The Woman Who Won aud Wedded a Woman llaler. If there Is one question more than another to which it is difficult to get or give a satisfactory answer it Is surely this: "Why did you fall in love with your husband?” In 1!) cases out of 20 woman would probably confess candid ly that she did not know or else she would declare conclusively that she did because she did, aud that ought to end the matter. In the rare cases where tlie lady con descends to declare her reason the an swers are both interesting and In structive. “Whatever made you marry tlie pris oner?" a London magistrate asked a woman whose face bore “atriking” evi dence of her husband's affection. "Be cause lie punched all tlie other fellows’ heads,” she answered, "and nobody else dared make love to me.” Another good lady confessed that she fell In love with her husband because be was the “only man who ever dared to snub her.” While other men were stumbling over each other to pay her court aud attention, lie always treated tier with absolute Indifference and even rudeness. Tlie consequence was that she de termined to bring him to her feet and bis knees. She succeeded, but lost her heart in the attempt. "I fell in love with my husband,” one lady recently declared, "because he was the only man about whom no one was ever heard to say an unkind word. Even the women, although lie paid them no special attention, were agreed that he was ‘a darliug;’ and, al though he was plain, almost to ugli ness, and old enough almost to be my father, I loved him and determined to marry him long before he had any buc I i thought of me.” Not loug ago a Yorkshire lady ol wealth and beauty shocked her friends by marrying a poor cripple. It had come to her ears that be had long lov ed her in silence and had counted each da.v happy If lie only caught a distant glimpse of her. She discovered that be was a devoted son and brother and a mau of unusual gifts and culture for bls humble position, and, moved by one of those sudden, generous Im pulses to which some women are lia ble, she sought an Interview with him, told him that she bad learned his se cret and offered him her hand and for tune. This may appear a strange and Improbable thing, but thousands know that It Is literally true. Another lady whose marriage result ed from a similar Impulse gives this explanation of it. Among the friends of her family was an old bachelor with n reputation for crustiness who bad known her from a child and bad often uursed her in early days. To her he bad always been gentle and kind, aud she had loved him "In a way" as long as she could remember. One day she said, “Why have you never married. Mr. ----- ?” "Marry, my dear? Why, no one would ever marry a grumpy old man like me!” “Of epurse they would!” she answer ed indignantly. "Why, 1 would marry you myself!” “Thank you, my dear!” came the un expected answer. “Then we’ll consider the mntter ended." In spite of her surprise and misgiv ings the girl loyally kept her promise, aud she Ims never had reason to regret her "moment’s Indiscretion." A lady friend of the writer married her husband for the very Illogical rea son that lie was an avowed woman hater. He made no secret of his aver sion to tlie fair sex and declared It so constantly that, as she says, "I vowed I would convert him and make him change his mind, at least so far as one of my sex wns concerned.” He was not difficult to convert, for within 12 months he had forsworn his creed so far as to conduct one of the “bated sex" to tlie altar, nnd now he declares that he "loves them all.”—Tit-Bits. Tlie Home of Eclioe«. Many valleys described In guide books as "whispering valleys" are fa vorite resorts for tourists In all parts of the world. Few, however, exceed In wonder a valley nt Stansfield In Es sex. England. The rector of this par ish In giving a careful account of Ills own experiences states that Ills house stands on a hill 288 feet above sea level, rising In rear to 300 feet, while A Curioas Trap. A curious labyrinth In which ele in front the ground slopes away to a phants are captured alive Is to be seen stream 100 feet below and again rises near Ayutliia. formerly the capital of 180 feet on the opposite side. From Slam. The labyrinth is formed of a the rectory the bells of 1-1 or 15 vil double row of Immense tree trunks set lages may be distinguished, while firmly in the ground, the space between across the valley footsteps and voices In conversational tone may be beard them gradually narrowing. Where It begins, nt the edge of tlie at half a mile. forest, the opening of the labyrinth Is Tlie t,nruii|nHw e. more than a mile wide, but as It ap To the average resident of the tem proaches Ayutliia It becomes so nar perate zones an earthquake Is a rare row that the elephants ennnot turn and terrible event, creating more con around. sternation than nny other visitation of Suspecting no danger the wild ele nature. In the tropics, however, par- phant enters the broad opening at the tlcularly in Central America, It Is won forest end, lured on by a tame elephant. derful how easily the residents be The gradual narrowing of the bound come accustomed to these shocks, aries is net observed until the ele which do not come, however, wholly phant finds himself In close quarter*. without wanting. Having reached the end of the laby You nn' sitting on a piazza on a hot rinth, the tnme elephant Is allowed to afternoon chatting with your friends pass through a gate, while men lying win n suddenly the sky seems to grow In Walt slip shackles over the feet of I !z.i ami the erows stop cawing There the captives The sport Is n dangerous Is tt general rush. nnd. though you may one, for the enraged elephants some tot know wli.it is tlie matter, you can times crush the hunters under their not help feeling uneasy. feet The old natives say. "We're going to have a little shake,” and then the On n lim.lnn Hnllwny Train. house begins to rock, the tumblers fall Toilet arrangements such as satisfy off tlie table, you feel deathly sick at the Russian are nt his disposal in first the stomach, nnd the thing Is all over. and second class trains, but the third The sky clears, the crows begin their class passengers have no such luxuries. noisy screams, nnd things are soon put When the train halts for the breakfast right again. Interval, those who travel third class I netful. may be seen performing their nblu- Mrs. Nosepoke—John, don’t you tldnk tlons at the pint form tap. They fill a can like a gardener’s watering pot, It’s about time for us to call on our suck through the spout a mouthful of new neighbors? Husband—Why, they only moved in the water, spit It Into the hollowed palms nnd then rub their faces. It Is this morning. Mrs. Nosepoke—Oh. I know, but all a disgusting process, performed with out soap or towel, nnd, though ft may Ibelr stuff will tie downstairs aud I can be amusing to tlie onlooker, It Is not lee It better -Ohio State Journal. very cleansing to the operator. Yet In Place. this Is the method of ablution ndopted "He thought the gun wasn’t loaded.” by the poorer Russian ou his travels.— “But It really was loaded?” Chambers’ irnal “After be found it out It wasn't.” Does not and has not affected our ability to ship goods anywhere. All orders, large or small, are promptly filled......................... SEPTEMBER PRICE LIST IN PREPARATION. Sugar 1 h lower, Grtinulutcd SA.1S nnd II num nnd Provinicnn continue firm. Plentiful Stocks of everything. per IOO lbs. Smith’s Cash (Dept.) Store No. 25 Market Street, San Francisco. Simple and Effective» but C'o«tly. “When 1 came to town, I noticed a little, round swelling on my wrist.” said a visitor from the country. "It bothered me. and one day when I saw a sign, ’Dr. John Doe,’ I thought I’d go In mid have It looked at. Well, I was shown luto n fine room, mid In a minute a pleasaut looking man came lu. “’Dr. Doe?’ I says and helJ up my wrist. " ’Ah. a weeping sinew,' says lie. ns if lie'll been waiting years for a chance to study a ease like mine. "I didn’t aay anything, but kept my wrist out with the hand hanging limp while he took down a book from the shelf. I expected him to turn over the pages mid look up my trouble under 8 or W and then prescribe something. Instead lie gave me a crack on the wrist like a thousand of brick! It was right on the swelling and hurt like n cannon ball. I Jumped high In the air mul yelled. " 'Your weeping sinew’s gone,' says the doctor quietly. ‘Three dollars.' "1 wns too much surprised to say a word, and I paid it. But no wonder your city doctors get rich. Three dol lars! Any blacksmith would have done that Job for the fun of doing it.”— New York I’ost. fftranue IthlinK Places. There are standing nt the present day Elizabethan Imuses known to contcin hidden chambers. Tlie very positions of these chambers can be shown, yet 'iclr secrets have remained Inviolate tor centuries, tlie spring that should serve us tin1 open sesame being undis- eovernble. Some day tlie accidental touch of a girl's linger may set a col umn of stone rotating or a panel slid ing or n door in a picture frame retreat ing on Invisible hinges, nnd tlie secret if any remain will lie revealed The place of mystery In these an cient granges Hint served ns shelter to a friend In distress might equally prove tlie death of an enemy of the house. The priest's hole behind a fireplace was nsily converted Into an oven There were staircases which the foot of a friend might press in perfect security Another, not Instructed how to trend, sets Ids foot apparently on the same place, tlie stair.yawns open, and nt tlie end of tlie pit Is the water. Here Is much romance - London Chronicle Pipe Smoking. There are many pipe smokers wlio do not know how to get the best there Is out of tlieir indulgence. The great point in pipe smoking is to smoke slow ly Nervous smokers smoke too rapidly mid burn tlieir tongues with hot smoke, besides'falling entirely to get the full est mid best flavor out of the tobacco. It is all a mntter of linbit, but slow smoking is a linbit which It is hard for some people to acquire. In some cases pipe smokers have trksl for years lo check tlieir smoking speed without success. They began too late, and the linbit of rapid smoking Is shaken off witli difficulty when it is once acquired. Rapid smoking is ns bad as rapid eating—or worse. It Is also "bad form.” Whether It Is cigar, pipe or cigarette, the smoking should be deliberate in or der to get the fullest enjoyment It Is especially so with a pipe.—New York Press. Hypnotic Influence. Buyer—Look here, you! You said this horse wns sound nnd kind nnd free from tricks. The first day I drove hltn he fell down a dozen times, and lie's ns Cad today. Dealer—Um—you’ve been wondering If 1 cheated you, maybe? "Yes, I have.” “And Hie first time you drove the boss you wondered If he hadn't some tricks, didn't you?” "Of course." “Aud you kept saying to yourself, '1 wonder If that there boss will tum ble down,’ eh?” “Probably.” “And you lind your mind on It a good deal, most like?” “That’s true.” “Tlint's wot’s the matter. You've hypnotized him. Sec?” Alphabetical Abuae. BLfiKE, MOFFITT & TOWNE ♦ ♦ : ♦ ♦ ♦ : ♦ ♦ ♦ Importers and Dealers In Book, Naw«» Writing and Wrapping... PAPERS CARD STOCK STRAW AND HINDERS' BOARD fifi-57-ru-H . Flrat 8t. T bl . maim 199. 4.3 SAN FRANCISCO THE CIISTFBsS I HL lj U L/ I LI I or «ingle.ut low 1 “" rates. Country patronage solicited, and no pains will be spared to make them comfortable during their visit. mill Market st. anil 11 Ellis st.,•corner Stockton, san Francisco. Telephone Red 3M. MRS. RANFT, Prop. SAM MARTIN For S3 vears with C. E. Whitney A Co. NEW COMMISSION HOUSE MARTIN, CAMM & CO. 121-123 DavlslSt., San Franc-taco. Ge tier til Commission and Produce. Specialty, Butter, Eggs and Cheese. Your consignments solicited. Most Healthful Coffee In the World. All the world knows that coffee in excessive use is injurious. And yet the coffee lover cannot stand taste less cereals. There has lo this time Is-en no happy medium lietween. Café Bland fills the void with the liest elements of Isitli. It is richer than straight coffee, and many will not I h - easily convinced that it Is not all coffee. But we guarantee that Cafó Bland contains less than fifty per cent eoll'ee, which is scien- tilli'ally blended with nutritious fruits and grains, thus not only displacing over fifty per cent of the eaffein, hut neutralizing that which remains and still retaining the rich cotice flavor. To those who suffer with the heart, to dyspeptics and to nervous people ('am Bland is esiiecially recommended iisiihealtli- f’ll and delicious beverage, so satls- lying that only the member of the family making the change in the coflee knows there has lieeti one. Mor«' healthful, richer and less ex pensive than straighteoll'ee. Better in every respect. 25 cents per th. Your grocer will get it for you. Ask for Pronounced cat-fay accent ou last syllable. “tiroalnn Down.” Everybody has noticed that In ex treme old age people grow rapidly shorter, so that a person formerly of average height "grows dowu” Into quite a diminutive man or woman. A German contemporary points out that this decrease of height begins ns early ns the age of 35 years. At 30, we are told, the human body has reached Its full height, which is retained for a few years, nfter which the “growing down” process begins. At tlrst and for many years the process Is so slow as to be almost Imperceptible, but at the age of about GO It begins to be noticeable, and after 70, even though a veteran does not stoop nt ail, the fact that be Is “growing down” becomes apparent to one and all. A Moody Retort. A religious enthusiast, whose hobby was antl-Catbolicism, went to the great evangelist one day and put the direct question: “Mr. Moody, do you ever in tend to do any preaching against the Catholics?” "Yes, I may some time.” “When will that be?” “After the Protestants are con verted.” The prosecuting attorney In a Inw- suit had waxed especially Indignant at the defendant, whom lie characterized as nn “abandoned, baneful, cynical, diabolic, execrable, felonious, greedy, hateful, Irresponsible. Jaundiced, knav One Way of Tellln«. ish, lazy, meddlesome, noxious, outra Curley—You see tlint fellow loafing geous ami profligate rowdy.” over there? He used to go to the same "The learned counsel on the other college that I did. I wonder If he re side.” said the attorney for the defend members me? ant when he rose to reply, "should Burleigh—Ask hhn for the loan of $5. have put bls adjectives 'll a hat and Curley—What for? shaken them up a little before using. Burleigh—If he remembers you. you You must have noticed, gentlemen of won’t get it—Judge. the Jury, that they were in regular al Industrious Locust». phabetical order. This shows that he ne was au old sailor and full of selected them from a dictionary, be ginning with ’a.’ He stopped at ’p,’ j yarns nbout the good old times of sail “I remember once,” he but In Ids manner of rejiroduclng them ing ships. he has given us the ’cue’ as to how he said, “while we were cruising round the Pacific we were surrounded by a got them." This turned the laugh against the j swarm of locusts, which ate every I Inch of our sails. When we got into other lawyer, and be lost the case. I Ibe next port. I’m blowcd If we didn't [ see the same locusts and every ona Arundel Caatle. Tlie most singlar circumstance about with a pair of canvas trousers.” Arundel castle Is that Its owner, by Different From the Rent. mere right of ownership. Is Earl of They are talking about bow they Arundel In the peerage of England It happened to marry. Is believed that there Is no similar ex “1 married my wife,” said one after ample of a peerage held on such condi tlie others had all had their say. "lie tions. Apparently there would be no cause she was so different from any legal obstacle, were the bouse of How woman I had ever met” aril to fall upon evil days and the cas “How was that?” chorused the tie be sold to some millionaire, to pre others. vent the millionaire taking bls seat In “She wns Hie only woman I ever the bouse of lords as Earl of Arundel. i met who > Id have me.”
