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About Smoke signals. (Grand Ronde, Or.) 19??-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 1, 1992)
Smoke Signals September 1992 Page 9 Social Services Department Handles Domestic Violence Cases By Tracy Olson s If you were to speculate about the most frequently committed crime in America, what would you guess? Vandalism? Shoplifting? Burglary? The answer is spouse abuse. It is estimated that a woman is physically beaten by her boyfriend or husband every 18 seconds in this country. Domestic Violence is a plague in this country, which affects all walks of life, Native Americans, too. It is not limited to a specific group of people. Furthermore, it is believed that the majority of these incidents go unreported in our society, based on statements from women who admit they have stayed in their situation of continual abuse. The reasons for this will be addressed in this article. The Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde Social Services department works with abused women and refers them for counseling, women's shelters, or to seek a restraining order against their abusers. There is dependable, confidential help available to those women who live with an abusive spouse. "Women need to know they don't have to stay in an abusive situation," said Joann Mercier, Social Services case worker for the Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde. Ms. Mercier is responsible for referring tribal members to appropriate agencies or hotlines. She wants those women who are members of the Tribe experiencing abuse to know that she is available in an emergency day or night. But most importantly, when a woman makes the decision to free herself from an abusive relationship, the Tribe is here to offer help and support. "I have been approached by women who did not know this service existed. I want victims of abuse to know they can get out," she said. Joann Mercier works with several Domestic Violence shelters in the area, one of which is HENDERSON HOUSE in McMinnville. She has helped women of all ages (the youngest is 18, the oldest, 72) and all backgrounds. When I visited HENDERSON HOUSE, a fully staffed, live-in facility, I learned that abused women can be both wealthy and poor, young and old, with or without children, and may even work outside the home. When Joann Mercier told me she refers many of her clients to H ENDERSON HOUSE, I decided to visit it and interview Terrie Quinteros, a live-in case worker and representative at the shelter, about the statistics and causes of Domestic Violence. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic Violence is any type of physical, psychological, or sexual abuse that occursbetween husband wife, boyfriendgirlfriend, or couples living together. (Victims can also be men, but only in about 5 of reported cases.) Domestic Violence is very common, can afflict any type of person regardless of social, economic or ethnic boundaries. This problem manifests itself generationally, creating a circle that can only be broken by education. Women who are victims of abuse often grew up in homes where either the mother was abused by the father, or they are raised to believe that their role as an adult can only be defined in terms of getting and keeping a man. In cases where the victim grew up in an abusive household, the woman sees this as normal, and will often seek out a mate who characterizes her father, thereby continuing the pattern. Often a woman will think she can change her spouse and make him a better person, even though he is abusing her. ' , . Many victims embrace the idea of the American Dream; you get married and have children. She sees her self-worth in being a wife and mother, and although a victim of abuse, it would devastate her to leave her husband and break up her family. Women are often taught by parents and church leaders that divorce is never an acceptable alternative to any marital problem, and that it is up to her to make her marriage successful. K.m& v. .v?7-'iA: - - .1 A " Women need to know thay don 't have to stay in an abusive situation. " Joann Mercier PROFILE OF THE ABUSER Men who abuse their spouses are not all drug addicts, alcoholics, or psychopaths. Usually they appear to be normal and respectable members of their community, and arc gainfully employed. Another common myth about abusers is that they are out of control, and cannot help themselves. Terrie Ouintcros, of HENDERSON HOUSE disagrees. "We have seen that men who abuse are very much in control of what they are doing. Often he will target one spot on the woman and hit her there over and over or he will immediately stop beating her when someone enters the room, or rings the doorbell. These are not signs of a person out of control," she said. Studies have shown that many abusers were victims themselves as children and have been taught that it is acceptable for men to use violence to control women. Also, interestingly, there have been a significant number of abusers who have served in the military. Overwhelmingly, Domestic Violence boils down to two things: control and power. An abuser will typically begin by verbally abusing his spouse; making her feel stupid, dependent, and ugly. He will convince her that she could not manage without him. Meanwhile, he'll seek to isolate her he won't let her have a job, friends, and only minimal contact with her family. He may continue this pattern indefinitely, or he may physically abuse her as well. Clearly the abuser seeks to dominate every aspect of the victim's life, and could be driven by jealousy, hostilitytowards women, or his own dependency on her. WHY WOMEN STAY . Perhaps the biggest phenomenon of them all is women who stay with husbands or partners and continue to be abused. There arc many complexities to this, but perhaps the main reason is love. To understand why women stay with their abusers, it is important to understand the cycle of the Battering Syndrome. When a batterer is functioning in life, he may seem normal, but inevitably, stress occurs at home or at work, leading to a period of heavy tension between the man and the woman. After the tension mounts, something will happen (usually a minor problem), and the violent incident will occur. Then there will be a period of remorse, or "Honeymoon Phase", in which the man will apologize, and often be sincerely sorry for what he has done. He will promise never to do it again. During this period the woman may feel prepared to get out of her situation: go to friend or family member's home, shelter, or call the police. It is at this point that the man may cry, beg, lavish her with gifts, or tell her she is all he has in the world. The victim, who still loves her spouse, wants so badly to believe him, that she returns home with him, and the cycle starts all over again. There are other primary reasons for a woman to remain with her abuser. Often she is afraid of being on her own; she's not employed, has no means of sup- WOLENT "NSSSl HONEYMOON" PHASE TENSION MOUNTS porting her children, or no job skills. As I stated previously, many victims feel that their ability to maintain a marraige equals success as a woman. Finally, probably the most extreme of all reasons why women don't leave their spouses is because the spouses have threatened their lives or the lives of their children. Although these threats are sometimes not taken seriously by friends, neighbors, or police, and even the victim, the fact is, of the women murdered in this country every year, the majority were killed by someone the victim had a prior or existing relationship with. NATIVE AMERICANS AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Unfortunately, the Tribe and tribal members are not exempt from this syndrome. HENDERSON 1 10USE tries to find out as much about the victim as they can, including her ethnic background. Since they opened in 1981, they have sheltered 16 Native American women, and 26 children. That figure may not seem high, but HENDERSON HOUSE is just one of many shelters in this area, and this figuredocs not include those Native American women who may have called the police or crisis lines, or those women who have not sought help at all. Although she knows there are many tribal members in need of help, Joann Mercier takes comfort in the fact that she is helping women escape from abusive relationships. Continued on page 10
