Smoke Signals
September 1992
Page 9
Social Services Department Handles Domestic Violence Cases
By Tracy Olson s
If you were to speculate about the most frequently
committed crime in America, what would you guess?
Vandalism? Shoplifting? Burglary? The answer is spouse
abuse. It is estimated that a woman is physically beaten by
her boyfriend or husband every 18 seconds in this country.
Domestic Violence is a plague in this country,
which affects all walks of life, Native Americans, too. It is
not limited to a specific group of people. Furthermore, it
is believed that the majority of these incidents go unreported
in our society, based on statements from women who admit
they have stayed in their situation of continual abuse. The
reasons for this will be addressed in this article.
The Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde Social
Services department works with abused women and refers
them for counseling, women's shelters, or to seek a
restraining order against their abusers. There is dependable,
confidential help available to those women who live with an
abusive spouse.
"Women need to know they don't have to stay in
an abusive situation," said Joann Mercier, Social Services
case worker for the Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde.
Ms. Mercier is responsible for referring tribal members to
appropriate agencies or hotlines. She wants those women
who are members of the Tribe experiencing abuse to know
that she is available in an emergency day or night. But most
importantly, when a woman makes the decision to free
herself from an abusive relationship, the Tribe is here to
offer help and support. "I have been approached by women
who did not know this service existed. I want victims of
abuse to know they can get out," she said.
Joann Mercier works with several Domestic
Violence shelters in the area, one of which is HENDERSON
HOUSE in McMinnville. She has helped women of all ages
(the youngest is 18, the oldest, 72) and all backgrounds.
When I visited HENDERSON HOUSE, a fully
staffed, live-in facility, I learned that abused women can be
both wealthy and poor, young and old, with or without
children, and may even work outside the home. When
Joann Mercier told me she refers many of her clients to
H ENDERSON HOUSE, I decided to visit it and interview
Terrie Quinteros, a live-in case worker and representative
at the shelter, about the statistics and causes of Domestic
Violence.
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic Violence is any type of physical,
psychological, or sexual abuse that occursbetween husband
wife, boyfriendgirlfriend, or couples living together.
(Victims can also be men, but only in about 5 of reported
cases.)
Domestic Violence is very common, can afflict
any type of person regardless of social, economic or ethnic
boundaries. This problem manifests itself generationally,
creating a circle that can only be broken by education.
Women who are victims of abuse often grew up in homes
where either the mother was abused by the father, or they
are raised to believe that their role as an adult can only be
defined in terms of getting and keeping a man.
In cases where the victim grew up in an abusive
household, the woman sees this as normal, and will often
seek out a mate who characterizes her father, thereby
continuing the pattern. Often a woman will think she can
change her spouse and make him a better person, even
though he is abusing her. ' , .
Many victims embrace the idea of the American
Dream; you get married and have children. She sees her
self-worth in being a wife and mother, and although a
victim of abuse, it would devastate her to leave her husband
and break up her family. Women are often taught by
parents and church leaders that divorce is never an
acceptable alternative to any marital problem, and that it
is up to her to make her marriage successful.
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" Women need to know thay don 't have
to stay in an abusive situation. "
Joann Mercier
PROFILE OF THE ABUSER
Men who abuse their spouses are not all drug
addicts, alcoholics, or psychopaths. Usually they appear
to be normal and respectable members of their
community, and arc gainfully employed. Another
common myth about abusers is that they are out of
control, and cannot help themselves. Terrie Ouintcros,
of HENDERSON HOUSE disagrees.
"We have seen that men who abuse are very
much in control of what they are doing. Often he will
target one spot on the woman and hit her there over and
over or he will immediately stop beating her when
someone enters the room, or rings the doorbell. These
are not signs of a person out of control," she said.
Studies have shown that many abusers were
victims themselves as children and have been taught that
it is acceptable for men to use violence to control
women. Also, interestingly, there have been a significant
number of abusers who have served in the military.
Overwhelmingly, Domestic Violence boils
down to two things: control and power. An abuser will
typically begin by verbally abusing his spouse; making
her feel stupid, dependent, and ugly. He will convince
her that she could not manage without him. Meanwhile,
he'll seek to isolate her he won't let her have a job,
friends, and only minimal contact with her family. He
may continue this pattern indefinitely, or he may
physically abuse her as well.
Clearly the abuser seeks to dominate every
aspect of the victim's life, and could be driven by
jealousy, hostilitytowards women, or his own dependency
on her.
WHY WOMEN STAY
. Perhaps the biggest phenomenon of them all is
women who stay with husbands or partners and continue to
be abused. There arc many complexities to this, but perhaps
the main reason is love.
To understand why women stay with their abusers, it is
important to understand the cycle of the Battering Syndrome.
When a batterer is functioning in life, he may seem
normal, but inevitably, stress occurs at home or at work,
leading to a period of heavy tension between the man and
the woman. After the tension mounts, something will
happen (usually a minor problem), and the violent incident
will occur. Then there will be a period of remorse, or
"Honeymoon Phase", in which the man will apologize, and
often be sincerely sorry for what he has done. He will
promise never to do it again.
During this period the woman may feel prepared to get out
of her situation: go to friend or family member's home,
shelter, or call the police. It is at this point that the man
may cry, beg, lavish her with gifts, or tell her she is all he has
in the world. The victim, who still loves her spouse, wants
so badly to believe him, that she returns home with him, and
the cycle starts all over again.
There are other primary reasons for a woman to
remain with her abuser. Often she is afraid of being on her
own; she's not employed, has no means of sup-
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HONEYMOON"
PHASE
TENSION
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porting her children, or no job skills.
As I stated previously, many victims feel that their
ability to maintain a marraige equals success as a woman.
Finally, probably the most extreme of all reasons
why women don't leave their spouses is because the
spouses have threatened their lives or the lives of their
children. Although these threats are sometimes not taken
seriously by friends, neighbors, or police, and even the
victim, the fact is, of the women murdered in this country
every year, the majority were killed by someone the victim
had a prior or existing relationship with.
NATIVE AMERICANS AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Unfortunately, the Tribe and tribal members are
not exempt from this syndrome. HENDERSON 1 10USE
tries to find out as much about the victim as they can,
including her ethnic background. Since they opened in
1981, they have sheltered 16 Native American women, and
26 children. That figure may not seem high, but
HENDERSON HOUSE is just one of many shelters in this
area, and this figuredocs not include those Native American
women who may have called the police or crisis lines, or
those women who have not sought help at all. Although she
knows there are many tribal members in need of help,
Joann Mercier takes comfort in the fact that she is helping
women escape from abusive relationships.
Continued on page 10