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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 6, 1908)
SUNDAY, DRCKMDER 6, VAM. WRITE SOMETHING FUN- K fiY TO SUCCEED SERIOUS BUSINESS OF DIS COVERING HUMOROUS TALENT. BOSTON. Dec. S.,t'M-Th rar tit thing in the world, everybody know who knowi anything about the literary markets, it new Joke. The next rarest is an old Joke 10 re vamped that It looks new. The livll tit hunt among publishers of booki and magaalnes todiy l (or real hu mor.' 'See that driwer," observed the llmr i,l hia New York weekly to tn aspirant (or literary honori who felt lure he could write le ngm tuff If h nnlv knew lust whar the editor wanted. "Nearly empty, Unt it ? That's my honor drawer. Any one who can help me to fill it li periona grata in thii office." The editor, like every other, had discovered how rare genuinely tun mi .ritin ! Tn discover the hum oroui article! which now and then nrrur In the maaaalnes. the DUD Usher's . most serious occupation, Anything that contain! a latign line ii received gleefully In the edi torial officei of half a hundred Amer inn nuhllthlnir hoUICI. ' Roth ichooli of American humor rr In favor. Anybody who can be either broadly or delicately witty finds a hearing thee dayi-ai well ai many who think they are able to be either and actually are neither. The extinction between the nub tU .nd the obvious nroune of hum ArUt wit amim nfftv traced In a re cent Harvard Phi Beta Kappa after dinner ipeech whlcn introduced to the learned loclety Ret. Samuel M. Croihera. a onbllnher'a "find", a Uni tarian clergyman known mostly tot ao long ago aa President Rllot'i pastor but now duly qualified aa a literary successor of Oliver Wendell Holrhes. who li expected to' produce omethlna- brlaht whenever he (Audits tvnevrlter to osner. " The point wai made in thla addreii that mnit American humroista have belonged very clearly to one. or th other of thee ichooli; and consul tation of luch a manual ai "The Early American Humorists," ban- tv ffrnre hnnV that ovr letee- tloni from the writlnga of many, who fammu In their own day are now in too great danger of being forgtten, diorlnne pretty dearly on the one lide r ,., I,,,,,U.,I,.II I IIIP .! .IUIIIIL..M IIJIJI I ,1,1 II P.IM.1 IN II .....;..," ....T, Ml . mil. " , M m filit Mil W C ECU EMT-, 1 On Monday, Dec. 7 STEEL ME WART p Will Open the Doers of Their' Electric Fixture Show Rooms With one of the most complete and up-to-date lines of elec trie goods in the Northwest. This firm has long been recog. nited as the leading electrical contracting firm in Astoria, and has met with such ready and loyal support in its endeavor to raise the standard of electrical wiring that & & ASTORIA NOW HAS A & & Modern Electrical Fixture Establishment with every.style of electrical and combination fixtures,glassware and reading lamps. . A visit to our sbow rooms (next the Astor. ian office) where everything is1 connected to" demonstrate how the lights burn, will be of interest to you and we 'will consider it a pleasure to explain everything. ; ; '" steel I J1' ' 1 . I'i A phone call id InVen who had btiffon gift like "Artcmi Ward," "Orpheua S. Kerr," "Hill Arp," Joh Hilling, "mroie um V, Naithy" and the "Danbttry Newi Man," and on the other aide the literary witi like Washington jr vln. George William Curtis -and N. I' Willi, wlwae (niict humor more dourly resembled thitt of the great Kiiulish wrllen of tlie eignteemn century. The dicuver 01 numor- lt by publisher In the last lew ... tiuv nnt been 10 nunicroui, and many of them have been dlsap polittmenti became yi writer wno u.. .t.rMif In bv belnar uproarious- ly funny often conceive! an Idea of reforming the worm tnrougn n nu njor and thereafter become! deadly dull. Thla tendency of the Jester to aim to be a preacher hai been very apparent in th history oi American humor, T...t ii Dr. Brotheri li perbapi the moat ' valuable recent discovery among men who write, a womm whose humoroua powen were quite .....a.rtrA ii n to a short time ago, otttlide of circle of personal ac quaintance, hai come to the tore, i ne literary world li itlll laughing over the failure of Mark Twain, hlmielf the world'a leading humorist, to rec ognlxe a professional hand in the first of the 'Letters pf Jennie Allen" which MIn Grace Donwortn, a i ro vldenci woman, wrote ai a practi cal joke. ' The atory ia that while aome good i. nf e,nn Franc tco Relief Committee of the Rhode I aland capi tal were engaged in assorting ana packing clothing, lent to them for the benefit of rjctlma of the earth- quake and fire one of their number lrter niirned "Jennie Al len" which requeued that a certain garment ihould be returned io ncr .I. It ht hen forwarded by mis take, The apelling and phrasing of the communication were Knui wonderful, and half from curiosity it wai answered. It wai alio ihown to a number of people and a copy ot it came into Mark Twain'! handi, which he twice nsed a aubject mat- (er for more or less lenoua speecn ifylng, ai at an annual dinner of the k..ra-int,A Vrrti. and wnicn imcr the Simplified Spelling society onorlv i.niftl ai nart of one ol tti leaflets. The , letter turned out, of course to be the production of Mm Donworth. who waa a memoer oi .ine committee. After the lady had ad mitted her guilt she amuaed herseH and her companion! by adding more letters gradually describing ine en tire "Allen" family and ita acquain tances. Some of these were publish a in th ladies Home Journal. Now that in their completeness they have been issued in book form the wnoie community la quoting Misi Don worth's witticisms, such aa Mr. 1 mm will bring us at any time to estimate on your work Siiitinv lava vnu can't rise with the lark if you've been on one the night before, ' or "He i a Maine man, but a perfeck gentleman, So is his mo ther." or again, "VVc are going to live close to my folks so I can help them when they need me, and .his mother is going to live with us. My clip runneth over.' In spite of occasional broad touch es the general tiiulity of Miss pun worth's work puts her In the same class with the more subtle school of humorists like Mr. Crothcrs, Robert Grant, Witter Bynncr, whose recent "Ode to Harvard'' contains some of the brightest louches of fancy of any recent poem, Ralph Ilcrgvngren, in whom Collier's Weekly just now an nounces a combination of Lewis Car roll and Frank Stockton, and Agnes Reppliei. whose fund of brilliant wit accumulate! steadily year by year. "Jennie Allen's" humor in some re spect! resembles that ol rawer ;onn B. Tabb, the prevailing quality in whose delightfully funny versei, as in his "Quips and Quiddits," and ThiM V.re" ii one of subtlety, al though he now and then breaks forth into something broad ana aangcroun ly near being underical, ai in his of ten quoted quip: "A pious prelate used to ride A donkey which, alas Ilia patience being often tride, He called Eu-damid-ai: Aname he emphasized or not A orew his temper cool or hot." It comparatively eeldom happens that a humorist who is "found as belonging to one of these two dis .I.,-, .ttnnta nauei over to tnc oin .ftrr Kb has been discovered, al though among writers of comic verse snd prose WJlIiam f . Mm was im ole and delicate In his lyrica of The rV nrcir Nicrhtineale" while no one can accuse him of extreme delicacy i,. rnrili th discussions between the Manicure I.ady and the Barber or reproduces the compontions ot wttie rt..i.k. . , No conspicuoui find of the broad school of humor has been prociaim .,i Ku mv niilili.sliinc . huse In the present year. Probably the most no ted humorist, indeeu, oi inn mump tin li a rnmt into oromlnence in re cent ears is Ellis Parker Butler, .u.. rin T. rim" itarted a cnuc w MUfv ' ft w " wr- " li- tvue from Atlantic to p.ir, Another of Mr. Butlers works representing his style, at its u... hi. "Prrkins of Portland, JV a l I n w m - the itory of the advertising man who performed commercial miracles wim l:. ...-!. nhrc. such as "Mur- 11,9 MIlVl. ' , , dock's soap is pure soap; it you j k.ti.v It. hite. it" and ms UVIIt iv.i.. ' " I ' ui..t,in.' mn,r norou ollitcr (cm..,. y-r-- . a l Makei all pains and achei fly tai ter." h hroait school humorists would probably be placed "Mr. Doo- m -JeiJ . 1 -. A 1 0 mm XT', 4' ) V. A. ley" (Peter Finley Dunne) who nas successfully worked the same vein or now more than ten years. His two earliest books "Mr. Dooley in a tir-ff I Mf nln reace ana in wr iu -k were among the greatest discoveries ever made, by an American puoiisn- ig house. They now count among the classics of American humor, for which there is the same kind of con- timious demand as for Mark Twain's works or. for Stockton's 'Rudder Gran.' Ar-m, of co.:s-. is m. versatile George Ade. In somewhat vm&r - - - the same class though of more var- gec ana lur iuu, ..- m... table talent, Is the prolific Holman but little inquiry this week, but for F. Day, who lives in Maine and tunately for the market, little stock writes books of verse about Maine in these lines came in. people with a mission-that rrision l a: . r.ij, urrittpn for one of his volumes by his friend Connressman Charles Lii'ieleM, "to sell as many copies as possioie. ii . i.,mnMci. nhn he. long with the jes ers rather than with the graceful essayists are, ot course, ity mere win uc ciiuugn u-.-nt Pnrnifi f!ow mand for it is known that a number I.C1CLLC UUIMV.A V. " t fame, whose "Gage of Youth" and "Vivette" have however shown him in more subtle light; Oliver Her- ford, author of "The Bashful Earth- quake," "An Alphabet of Celebrities" and other thrillmgly tunny prouuc- tions; Charles Batten uoomis, cnecr-, ful ontimist and popular lecturer as well as author. All these have at one time or other been hailed as great rtUroveries. and the receipt of a man - ... . r, f th,m i lilt an' usii.yi ..v.... ... r. event in maliy editorial offices. After Mr. Dooley perhaps the most ist of the past ten years was George T T T ..m.. 1re. MT tfr from 1 v II' ' 1 tuav-v nortc twuium., ""- !f.lf-Male Merchant to His Son, caught the popular fancy to an traordinary degree resulting in the 1 sale of nearly half a million copies of , a book which is still among the good sellers. Mr. Lorimer up to the time! of the appearance of his book had been known first as an . excellent ...cnnnr rmnrtrr. then as an ac- complished editor, but it was not re - aiizcu in o - to a place among U1C lUltlllVOk VI American humorists. Beware of Frequent Colds. A succession of colds or a pro tracted cold is almost certain to end chronic catarrh, from which few persons ever wholly recover, owe every cold the attention it deserves and you may avoid this disagreeable disease. How can you cure a cold? Why not try Chamberlain's Cough Remedy? It is highly recommend ed. Mrs. M. White, of Butler, Tenn., savs: ; "Several years ago I was bothered with my throat and lungs. Someone told me pf Chamberlain s fnito-h Remedv. I beean usinsr it mm. nana few suggestions buyers. Nothing makes a more ' suitable Christmas gift for a man or woman than a good piece of furniture. We have the most complete line of furniture ever shown in As toria. We have everything that the heart desires. Give us a call and let us show you something new in dinning tables and jit the same time we may be able to make your visit both interesting and profitable, A CALL IS ALL WE ASK Astoria- Fisraitor e C BeharrelL The Daily Market Report rT-t., .t. ends with the poultry market on the " than a month past Hens and chick- ens were m good demand today, and at prices approximately 2 cents Signer man ine i u first of the week, while ducks also were afirly active at the quotations that have ruled all the week. For mere win De nine h any poumj of anv kind to carry over to next week, and the outlook is for a good market for the remainder of the monm. sxo smpincnu ui the Christmas trade re exoected for a week or more, but in all probabil- --- " of the turkey producers of the alley at Thanksgiving time held oacic some of their birds tor tne later nouuay trade. Storage stocks in the city will laso be drawn upon io extent. WHOLESALE PRICES. - . . ; Grain, Flour, Hay, Etc. Wheat Track prices: Club, 89c ... . , . ,1 oiue-stem, yx; lursey rea, Russian. Bc: Valley, vie. a avua a w( t r o ' . $3.954.20; exports, $3 70; Valley, . , . gn. l 1- 5445. u-sacK cranam. m.w; wnuic . . ... e en s V brewing, $27. . . Oats-No; 1 white, $31; gray. $33. Hay Track prices: Timothy Willamette vauey, tancy, w;-a.7, . ordinary, $12; Eastern Oregon, mix- .J cixeo. An (m tl7?()' alfalfa. jj jrjgj. cicveri $12. Ml i stu its-reran. 30. du: miaaunKs, $33; shorts, country, $31; shorts, city, $30;chop, $22. Meats and Provisions. ' Dressed Meats Hogs, fancy 7 71c, ordinary 661c, large 5c; veal, extra 819c, ordinary 67c, heavy 5c; mutton, fancy 67c. . Bacon Breakfast, 15211c, pic nics 10c, cottage roll 111c; regular short clears, smoked 13c, do un smoked 12c; clear bellies, unsmoked 14c, do smoked ISc; shoulders, 11c. Hams-10-12 lbs., 15c; 14-16 lbs , throat and lungs are sound and well." For sale by Frank Hart and I .:tl!lll!,..;,..- I lJ i for the Christmas J. C. Carrington li 15c; 18-20 lbs., 15c ; 1 , Lard-Kettle leaf, 10s, 14c: do 5s, 141c; do 50-lb. tins, 13c; steam ren dered, 10s, 13c; do 5s, 13ic; com pound, 8lC. , , Batter, Egga and Ponltry.' Cheese Full cream twins, 15c: full cream triplets, 15c; Young America, 16c: cream brick. ISCffiZUc: Swiss block, 1820c; Limburger, 1820c. Poultry Mixed chickens IKffliii:; fancy hens, 12c; roosters, old 8c, broilers and fryers, 1212!c; dressed poultry,' lc lb. higher; ducks, 1415c; geese, 910c; turkeys, live, 1718c; dressed, 2022c, Butter Extras, 3637c; fancy, 33 34c; choice, 30c; store, 1820c Eggs Extra Oregons, 40 cents; Eastern, 28 32c. y ' " Fruits and Vegetable. Potatoes Buying prices, 808Sc; oer hundred: sweets. $2 per hundred. Fresh Fruits Oranges, $2.503; lemons, $45; grapes, $151.65 per crate; pears, 75c$125 per box; quinces, $175 per box; cranberries, $12(312.50 per barrel; bananas, 551c per pound. " ,; "" Onions Buying prices, 9095c, Apples oesi viregon, -! v-' '. i are increasea oy Deauuiui surrouno common, 75c$l box. , ...-.... . A Veeetables Turnips, 515 per:'"Bs- sw "u u.K.. sack: beets, $155: parsnips, $175; u.i.. t en. i.,h... ,S0$l CalUUBUC, ai.n, unu .vnuvw, , wvyy. . ; . . i dozei; cucumbers, hothouse, $l.25 w;ji maije your rooms look bright 1.40 crate; celery, 7585c vdoien;lan(l attractive. jf you are going to anicnoKcs, o.,, . pound; eggplant, $1.50 crater toma- toes. Slffll.50 crate; squash, .1 cent, ' j. . ,( per pound; peppers, $1.75 per box: cauliflower, 75c$l per dozen. Oysters, Clams and Fish. Oysters Shoalwater Bay, per gal lon $2.25; per sack $4.50; Toke Point, $1.60 per 100; Olympias (120 lbs.). $6; Olympias, per gallon, $255. .... FOR A . . . VICTOR OR AN EDISON PHONOGRAPH , -)GO TO(- Johnson v Parlor Second Floor Over Scholfield MattrKin Co. na i ... 1 ' , mil ' The Cornelius MThe House of Welcome" Comer Park and Alder, PORTLAND, -OREGON. A hotel where the North west people will find a hearty welcome and receive Courteous Treatment at moderate prices. Our free Omnibus meets all trains. Under management of N. K. Clarke C W. CORNELIUS, Proprietor. , . , WALL PAPERS do any re-papering you should have . done immediately . amj thus put . . , ... your nouse in reai nonaay inra, , , . . AlleA Wall Paper and Paint Co. Cor. 11TH AND BOND CHRISTMAS JOYS lonoppn Now my leading druggists. i and It relieved me at once.