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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 10, 1908)
THE MORNING ASTOKIAN. ASTORIA, OREGON. THURSDAY, BEIT. 10 ' ' TH F R R A N Fl PR DM flTFR I classified a nv f pti s r m r mtc aMPWttn,,,t- '. VI IIWIIIWI fall, I p fir iptl,ix- , . m W BMMI m MM I V I () I j k J The "K" Line J A V- Si V--'l, 1 11,.' .. : ,v. ,., f"7-','mA, HELP WANTED Stranger Puts Him Wise to Big gest Thing In Finance. "BARRELS OF MONEY IN IT." Must Easy to Make Tan Million Apiece It I to Go Out and Gathai a Quart of HuekUbrrieaH Th( Story's 8tquel. ! (Copyrif ht, 1908, by T. C. McClure. Major Crofoot, grand promoter boarding house beat and originator 01 thirty-three different gigantic scheme to catch suckers, had reached his of fice and was doing a little figuring by himself. Bent dne. . Board due, ;, - Debts due. . Cash on hand, 14 cents. There was a knock at the door. which he had taken the precaution WANTED AT ONCE. TWO perienccd stearnstre.sses. Call at 274 Commercial street. 9-6-6t PROFESSIONAL CARDS. ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW MESSENGER BOYS WITH BI cycles wanted at the Western Union. . , 8-22-tf CHARLES H, ABERCROMBIE Attorney-at-Law City Attorney Offices: City Hall h j tut. 7 " "HIST, MAN I I'VE COME TO LET IOC IS ON A OOU THING.' to lock. It might be the landlord, his lundlady, his laundress, his clothes- cleaner, his cobbler, his hatter. Or It might be some one with a few hundred dollars In his pocket that wanted to Invest In a sure thing and make millions.. The major turned pale and breathed like a hog caught In a hole In the fence. The knock came again, and he decided to chance It and opened the door. A stranger stood there a stran- j gor that looked as guileless and Inno cent and as easy to work as a mutton chop. "Is this Major Crofootr he asked, and his voice betrayed the fact that he was a man that would buy an or ange grove at the north pole if prop erly talked to. "Y-yes, sir. Come In," answered the promoter as the lump In his throat half choked him. The stranger entered and helped himself to a chair, and after a look ruuuu me room ne wmsperlngly asked: "Are we all alone? Can we be over heardr He was assured that the office was near-proof, and when the major had taken a seat beside him be assumed a cunning look and said: "Say, I am here to put you on to the biggest thing In the history of finance There's barrels of money in it There's cart loads of the yellow boys. It's just as easy to make ten millions apiece as it is to go out and gather a quart of huckleberries gigantic, tremen dous. The world never saw anything Jike It a whirlwind of financial acu men, a cyclone of profits, a hurricane of steam yachts, manor houses and Fifth avenue palaces." "My dear sir"- began the major, but the caller stopped him with a "Hist, man! I've come here to let you in on a good thing. You are to come in on the ground floor. You are to have your stock of 5 cents on the dollar, and in a month it will be sell ing at four hundred. Dividends won't be less than 50 per cent the first year Major, consider yourself a millionaire Carnegie and Rockefeller are poverty poor beside you." "But I am Major Crofoot and a pro moter myself. I have on hand at the present time" This womim says that sick women should not fall to try Lydla E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound as she did. lira. A. Gregory, of 2355 Lawrence St, Denver, Col, writes to Mrs. nnkhani: "I was practically an Invalid for etx cars, uu Hituum oi lemoie troubles, underwent an operation by the doctor's advice, but in a ftw months I was worse than before, A friend ad vised Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and it restored ma to perfect health, such as I have not enjoyed in many years. Any woman suffering aa i uiu wicii oacttacne, Deanng-aown pains, and periodie Dalns.should not fail to use Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable wiapuuuu, FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN. or tnmv years i.vrlia k Pint. ham's Vegetable Compound, made from roots and hprhs hiu rn )io standard remedy for female- ills, and has posit ively cured thousands of . u 1 v . l , , ... wumeu wiio nave oeen irouiyea witn displacements, inflammation, ulcera tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities, periouic pains, oacKacne, tnat Dear-ing-dow-n fueling, flatulency, indigos- uuu,uiiuuiiess or nervous prostration Why don't you try it ? Mrs. Pink ham invites all sick women to write her for advice. Shft hOM criliripll til Ancanjl. 4n uotuui Aoure&s, iynn, Jtlass. WANTED A WAITRESS OF Ex perience; good wages. Apply Irv ing Hotel. 9-i-7t FOR SALE-REAL ESTATE. FOR SALE AT A BARGAIN TWO lots and an 8-room modern house with bath. For particulars address B. 100, Astorian office. 9-l-6t JOHN C McCUE, Attorney-at-Law Page Building. Suite 4 CITDIKTAKIK9. J. A. GILUAUUII it CO., Undertakers and Kmhalmrrs. KxpcrieiicwTTodiy AsMlstaiit When DcNlred. I PASSENGERS FREIGHT iimiiiiiii mil.. HniBiiiiBW'.! iaim mtm-Vr . a Steamer - Lurline Niffht Boat for Portland and Way Landings. Lstvti Astoria dally except Sunday t 7 p. m. Leaves Portland Day Except Sunday at 7 a. m. Quick Service Excellent Meals Good Berths Landing Astoris Flavel Wharf Lending Portland Foot Taylor 8t J. J. DAY, Actnt Phone Main 276 HOWARD M. BROWNELL Attorney-at-Law Deputy District Attorney 420 Commercial Street HOUSES FOR SALE. HOW IS THIS FOR A SNAP? A nice, coxy home; $1600; $800 cash, balance on easy terms. A. R. John son, 120 Twelfth, 9-9-tf rWslNlSS INiVlSf M EMTA 28-room rooming house; centrally located; well furnished; this rooming house is making from $60 to $110 clear each month. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth street. 9-9-tf OSTEOPATHS. DR. RHODA C. HICKS Osteopath Office Mansell BIdg. Phone Black 2065 ' 53 Commercial St., Astoria. Ore. Calls Promptly Attended Day or Nlarht. Tatton tldar 1 '-th ami Dunne Ht r. A8TOUIA. OUK.OON s-uuueifiainiii M10ICAU. DENTISTS LOTS FOR SALE. A LOT 50x100 SUITABLE FOR flats or an apartment house; $3000 A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth St. 9-9-tf COUNTRY PROPERTY FOR SALE. just nsing a simile, you know. Malnr. when I was a poor man poor, fcat ambitious -you had confidence In aw Instead of kleklns me farther down you anuted to help me to rise. VVhiii I was at the lowest ebb you came for ward and asked me to take twentv nve as a loan." The major stared at him. Nothina of the kind had ever taken nlace. ne nad never seen the man before. No one had ever offered to lend him even 25 cents. "It was bread cast UDon the waters '' continued the caller as he leaned for ward to pat the major on the knee. ana now Its coming back to you The $25 shall become f25,000,O0O. That's a pretty good deal In bread isn't Itr "But what is It?' 'The Great American Pull Bark company, my dear sir, organized with a capital or 55,000,000 my own orle Inal idea. Been fully tested and work? without a hitch. , Shares will go of! uue bot cakes. It will make all the gold mines in the country look like 15 cents. Major, you have seen o farmer plowing, of course?" 20-ACRE TRACT SITUATED ON the pipe line road; $325. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth street. 9-9-t WANTED-TO RENT. WANTED TO RENT A STOCK or dairy farm for cash or shares. Address Lewis & Clark, R. F. D., Box 80. 94-1 m DR. VAUGHAN Dentist Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon DR. W. C LOGAN Dentist Commercial St Shanahan Blda BUSINESS DIRECTORY. RESTAURANTS. T0KIo,f3:EANT- Oi.posite Ross, Higgins & Co. Coffee with Pie or Cake 10 Ctm. FIRST-CLASS MEALS Regular Meals 15 Cts. and Up. Uopncfcleat 8u(jOMMfl' Of 1. C- GEE 10 TBI GRIAT CEmtSX D0CT01 WkO is kaawa turongbont the United i otii on account of lis wonderful otrrat No poison or 4,g u.. He guaras to onre catarrh, asthma, lun and throat troubU. rbeumatisn. nerrouMaa stomaift, liver and khlsay, female ram plaint and all ohronle dixeaaee, IDCCISSm HOMX TSIATMirt If you oB not eall rlU Inr blaok sod eiroular, inelotlnt 4 eaaU I- (tamps. TBI C CEI WO MEDiaiTt CO. MSI First St, Ooroer Horria PORTLAITD, OtlOOM. Pkaia mtatiofl th A'torUa. U. B. EESTAURANT. 434 Bond Street FOR SALE MISCELLANEOUS FOR SALE AT A BARGAIN Horse, harness and wagon; call at Henningsen's Furniture Store, 50fi Bond street. 9-5-6t GASOLINE LAUNCH, NEW, AND strongly built; 6 h. p.; for sale at a bargain. Hans Frederiksen, 2071 Bond street. 9-3-t "Yes." Never Anything Like It. "Yes, I know, but never mind that. You have got schemes and all that, but I have got the scheme. Never was anything like it on the face of the earth. I shall be president, and I am here to offer you the vice presi dency, salary $100.'000 the first year and nothing to do but sit in a rocklnjr chair and tell people what a 'gilt edge thing we have. Do you want an ad vance of salary right here and now? If so, say the word and I'll draw yon a check for $20,000. Go out and se'lert your bank. Go out and order dia monds. Get your duds out of a board Ing house and into the Waldorf.'- "What-what have you got?" aske:l the major after a long look at th" man. "An avalanche of gold!" was tin whispered reply. "It can't be desert!,. ed In any other terms tons and tons or new twenty dollar gold pieces slid ing down the face of a mountain into our hind pockets. The motto 'In Goil We Trust' was left off them by the president's order, but they will' pas? current just the same. We will trust each other instead. Major Crofoot. you haven't got to struggle along with the millionaires any longer, dodging your landlady and resorting to free lunches." ' "Sir!" replied the promoter as he AMnr 1.1. 1M . 1 "Oh, no offense no ;ffensel I was "Slow work to plow with either horses, mules or oxen. It's so slow that only about half the available land is cultivated a hundred million acrei of land In America lying Idle because farmers can't find time to plow it. Each acre would produce $30 worth of crops. Look at the dead loss! By my schemes every acre Is plowed." "But how?" "Easy as rolling off a log. If you take a rubber band and stretch it out It pulls back when you let go." "Yes." "No Kick, No Strikes." "A rubber rope must do the same thing. Supposing you fasten a rubbei rope to the front end of a plow and stretch it taut. It must pull the plow, uiustu't It? Then suppose you fasten another at the rear end. It must null the plow backward when the other resistance ceases. Anything pialnei tnan tnat? One rope pulls one way and the other the other way. When the plow has made its furrow acrost a field It Is jerked back to begin an otherall, done by machinery, and the farmer can lie in a hammock. . S yelling at the oxen, no cussing at tbi horses, no damning the mules. Wil raise the moral standard of the coun try 50 per cent in one year. Plow goes to work at sunrise and quits at sunset. Can work overtime when necessary. No kicks, no strikes Plows its live acres a day and con sumes no food. The king of England FOR SALE CHEAP, ONE SCHOL- arship in the International Corres pondence School of Scranton. En quire Astorian office. 8-7-tf - WANTED MISCELLANEOUS. Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cts. First-Class Meals, IS Cts. MISCELLANEOUS. Smith's Special Delivery EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE Ieave Orders st Star Cigar Store. Phone Black 2383 Res. Phone Red 2276, Stand Corner lltb tni Commercial, I PLUMBERS. UJIGW PLUMBER Heating Contractor. Tinntr AND Sheet Iron Worker LL WORK GUARANTEEI 42S Bond Street Astoria and .'Portland ROUND TRIP DAILY (Except Thursday) Str. Ciias. R. Speocer FARE $1.00 EACH WAY For Portland and Way Landings. Leavea Callendcr dock, Atoria 2:30 p. m.; arrives Portland 9:45 p. m. Leaves Washington St. dock, Port- land 7 a. m.; arrivei Astoria 1 p. n. SUNDAY EXCURSION FARE $1.00 ROUND TRIP Leaves Washincton St. dock. Port land. 8 a. m arrive Aa,tri I Leavei Callendcr dock, Astoria 2 p. m.j arrives Portland 9 p. m. Connecting at Astoria for ail Seaside Retorts, Renowned for Soeed. Comfort and Courteous Treatment. WINES AND LIQUORS. WANTED TO BUY A HORSE; weight about 1250 pounds; not over O ...... .IJ. a L- J . . u jrtais uiu, niuai oc gooa unver ana i . gentle, also city broke. Address As- fifllnG CflnCPft .o.f o - torian office. WANTED WE PAY HIGHEST cash price for second-hand and new furniture; see us before you sell. Zapf Furniture & Hdw. Co. 9-5-26t (320 Astor Street) Hall Rooms for rent by the day, week, of month. Bes rates in town. P. A PETERSON, Prop. MASSAGE, OLGA KANTONEN, FINNISH masseuse and steam baths, room 6, Pythian BIdg., Commercial St., As torian, Ore. LOST AND FOUND. LOST JADE RING, BETWEEN Ninth street and Logan's hall. Finder please leave at this office and receive reward. 9-6-tf MISCELLANEOUS. IS limn write;" "It's all nonsense!" Interrupted tbt major. "The czar of Russia has ordered fivt of the plows and says that" "It will nuver work!" ' "Lillian ltussell has promised to give an exhibition of it on the stage when ! tier new play is put on. I tell you. major, it is going to sweep the country like a prairie fire. I am lust eottu out the ankles of incorporation, and if you couia hand me over $5 as an earnestness of your intention" "Sir, I refuse to talk with you fur ther!" exclaimed the major as he rose "P. "The grandest, the biggest, the most gigantic the avalanche of the century Major"- "Get out, sir!" "You attach one rubber rope to the front end of the plow and the other to the rear, and" Then the door struck his toes and was locked, and the major went back to his chair and his 14 ppntfl anA not- down and drew a long breath and ex- claimed: "Phew, but I didn't bellev two was another like me in the country!" M. QUAD. MAGAZINE BINDING OF ALL kinds done at the Astorian Office. LOOSE LEAF LEDGERS - ALL kinds made by The J. S. Dellinger Company. HOUSE MOVERS. FREDR1CKSON BROS.-We make a specialty of house moving, car nenters, contractors, general jobbing; prompt attention to all orders. Cor ner Tenth and Duane streets. A few dosl of thin ramaAv ntdl l variably cure an ordinary attack of It Can alwavs tw AnnenAaA acntn even in the more severe attacks of crump cone ana cnoiera- morbus. It in ennallv ant-manful diarrhoea and r.hnlva nr.nfnn, i- ! children, and is the means of saving the lives of many children each year. When reduced -with sweetened it is pleasant to take. Every mun of n family should keep this remedy in his home. Buy it now. Price, 25c. Large Sizk. boo. Youncc & Baker PLUMBERS TINNERS Steam and Gas Fitting All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth Street, opp; Post Office. Phone Main 4061. CAPT. E. W. SPENCER. Genr! M.n.o., Astoria Office, Callender Dock. "I"""IIIIJ .iuuwji "ix.wusi MISCELLANEOUS. DENTISTS. We Kill the Torturing Demon in i aTv 9 BP f . J Gu.ru(cl f " t ir-irn nr ma iir . MENANDWOMEII. TTa Ko 41 tnr tirmatnral Aimr tiaruau Inflaniriiiitinri irritrttiou or ulvoratiooc fjf mil enn mmnhrjLnftM. lintcvANSuntnniUALtiU. gent or pomonoui. I Hold toy uiuiKirlBl, or sent In plain vr ran dot by expram. prepaid, foi circular aunt tm reuueet &r r )r ititmmmMMaimammmmmaitti jKWWiraaStWMriiaaai IN ONE OR MANY COLORS ...U 1 inc pumiui ana agonizing pangs make life intolerable for the sufferer It. is but a matter of a' moment to si lence the imp that causes the pain in the nerve. We practice painless ex traction and do it carefully. Also the cleaning and filling of teeth when we deem them worthv nf a-,.,:,. n... Our Crown and Bridge work demon- "ur proressiona! skill. En trust your teeth to 113. nnrl vnti um!1 never have cause to complain, either of the work or the charges. ' CHICAGO DENTISTS. Cor 11 -h and Commercial Sts. Over Danziger's Store, My stock of men's and boy's shoes is unsurpassed for qua lity. Close buying and low expenses enable me to sell the best qualities at lowest prices. S. A. GIMRE 54.1 Bond Street 59 For Sde. Twelve shares Northern . Oyster :ompames stock, one hundred and, hirty dollars (130) pet share, 'mperial Restaurant. LARGEST FACILITIES IN THE WEST FOR THE PRODUCTION OF HIGH GRADE WORK Apply I 8-9-tf. . n warned, y. -s.-. - - y- ''file Young lady telephone operators. ffiMiiV$ftyifaim Jaid while learning. Apply at Tele- - :.&,jf RATES AS LOW AS EASTERN HDllSrs CONCRETE WORK DONE ANY PERSON WANTING ANY tviMCKttTE WORK DONE AT THE CEMETARIES, WILL PLEASE LEAVE ORDERS AT POHL'S UNDERTAKING 'OF-FICE. E. NYMAN MBS ...... .ri ii"" . Shoemaker Get yourSHOE REPAIRING rln at E G. GUNALL'S, All ,ri, anteed Prices right. STH AND COMMER. ' CIAL STRKETS ' 0 Astoria, Ore. ' P, O. Box 603, phone office. 9-4-lw