THE MORNING ASTOKIAN. ASTORIA, OREGON. THURSDAY, BEIT. 10 ' '
TH F R R A N Fl PR DM flTFR I classified a nv f pti s r m r mtc aMPWttn,,,t-
'. VI IIWIIIWI fall, I p fir iptl,ix- , . m W BMMI m MM I V I () I j k J
The "K" Line
J A V- Si V--'l, 1 11,.' .. : ,v. ,.,
f"7-','mA, HELP WANTED
Stranger Puts Him Wise to Big
gest Thing In Finance.
"BARRELS OF MONEY IN IT."
Must Easy to Make Tan Million
Apiece It I to Go Out and Gathai
a Quart of HuekUbrrieaH Th(
Story's 8tquel.
! (Copyrif ht, 1908, by T. C. McClure.
Major Crofoot, grand promoter
boarding house beat and originator 01
thirty-three different gigantic scheme
to catch suckers, had reached his of
fice and was doing a little figuring by
himself.
Bent dne. .
Board due, ;, -
Debts due. .
Cash on hand, 14 cents.
There was a knock at the door.
which he had taken the precaution
WANTED AT ONCE. TWO
perienccd stearnstre.sses. Call at 274
Commercial street. 9-6-6t
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW
MESSENGER BOYS WITH BI
cycles wanted at the Western
Union. . , 8-22-tf
CHARLES H, ABERCROMBIE
Attorney-at-Law
City Attorney Offices: City Hall
h j tut. 7 "
"HIST, MAN I I'VE COME TO LET IOC IS ON
A OOU THING.'
to lock. It might be the landlord, his
lundlady, his laundress, his clothes-
cleaner, his cobbler, his hatter.
Or It might be some one with a few
hundred dollars In his pocket that
wanted to Invest In a sure thing and
make millions..
The major turned pale and breathed
like a hog caught In a hole In the
fence. The knock came again, and he
decided to chance It and opened the
door. A stranger stood there a stran- j
gor that looked as guileless and Inno
cent and as easy to work as a mutton
chop.
"Is this Major Crofootr he asked,
and his voice betrayed the fact that
he was a man that would buy an or
ange grove at the north pole if prop
erly talked to.
"Y-yes, sir. Come In," answered the
promoter as the lump In his throat
half choked him.
The stranger entered and helped
himself to a chair, and after a look
ruuuu me room ne wmsperlngly
asked:
"Are we all alone? Can we be over
heardr He was assured that the office was
near-proof, and when the major had
taken a seat beside him be assumed a
cunning look and said:
"Say, I am here to put you on to the
biggest thing In the history of finance
There's barrels of money in it There's
cart loads of the yellow boys. It's just
as easy to make ten millions apiece
as it is to go out and gather a quart
of huckleberries gigantic, tremen
dous. The world never saw anything
Jike It a whirlwind of financial acu
men, a cyclone of profits, a hurricane
of steam yachts, manor houses and
Fifth avenue palaces."
"My dear sir"- began the major,
but the caller stopped him with a
"Hist, man! I've come here to let
you in on a good thing. You are to
come in on the ground floor. You are
to have your stock of 5 cents on the
dollar, and in a month it will be sell
ing at four hundred. Dividends won't
be less than 50 per cent the first year
Major, consider yourself a millionaire
Carnegie and Rockefeller are poverty
poor beside you."
"But I am Major Crofoot and a pro
moter myself. I have on hand at the
present time"
This womim says that sick
women should not fall to try
Lydla E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound as she did.
lira. A. Gregory, of 2355 Lawrence
St, Denver, Col, writes to Mrs.
nnkhani:
"I was practically an Invalid for etx
cars, uu Hituum oi lemoie troubles,
underwent an operation by the
doctor's advice, but in a ftw months I
was worse than before, A friend ad
vised Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound and it restored ma to perfect
health, such as I have not enjoyed in
many years. Any woman suffering aa
i uiu wicii oacttacne, Deanng-aown
pains, and periodie Dalns.should not fail
to use Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
wiapuuuu,
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
or tnmv years i.vrlia k Pint.
ham's Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and hprhs hiu rn )io
standard remedy for female- ills,
and has posit ively cured thousands of
. u 1 v . l , , ...
wumeu wiio nave oeen irouiyea witn
displacements, inflammation, ulcera
tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities,
periouic pains, oacKacne, tnat Dear-ing-dow-n
fueling, flatulency, indigos-
uuu,uiiuuiiess or nervous prostration
Why don't you try it ?
Mrs. Pink ham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
Shft hOM criliripll til Ancanjl. 4n
uotuui Aoure&s, iynn, Jtlass.
WANTED A WAITRESS OF Ex
perience; good wages. Apply Irv
ing Hotel. 9-i-7t
FOR SALE-REAL ESTATE.
FOR SALE AT A BARGAIN TWO
lots and an 8-room modern house
with bath. For particulars address B.
100, Astorian office. 9-l-6t
JOHN C McCUE,
Attorney-at-Law
Page Building. Suite 4
CITDIKTAKIK9.
J. A. GILUAUUII it CO.,
Undertakers and Kmhalmrrs.
KxpcrieiicwTTodiy AsMlstaiit
When DcNlred.
I PASSENGERS
FREIGHT
iimiiiiiii mil.. HniBiiiiBW'.! iaim mtm-Vr .
a Steamer - Lurline
Niffht Boat for Portland and
Way Landings.
Lstvti Astoria dally except Sunday
t 7 p. m.
Leaves Portland Day Except Sunday
at 7 a. m.
Quick Service Excellent Meals
Good Berths
Landing Astoris Flavel Wharf
Lending Portland Foot Taylor 8t
J. J. DAY, Actnt
Phone Main 276
HOWARD M. BROWNELL
Attorney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney
420 Commercial Street
HOUSES FOR SALE.
HOW IS THIS FOR A SNAP? A
nice, coxy home; $1600; $800 cash,
balance on easy terms. A. R. John
son, 120 Twelfth, 9-9-tf
rWslNlSS INiVlSf M EMTA
28-room rooming house; centrally
located; well furnished; this rooming
house is making from $60 to $110
clear each month. A. R. Johnson, 120
Twelfth street. 9-9-tf
OSTEOPATHS.
DR. RHODA C. HICKS
Osteopath
Office Mansell BIdg. Phone Black 2065
' 53 Commercial St., Astoria. Ore.
Calls Promptly Attended Day
or Nlarht.
Tatton tldar 1 '-th ami Dunne Ht
r. A8TOUIA. OUK.OON
s-uuueifiainiii
M10ICAU.
DENTISTS
LOTS FOR SALE.
A LOT 50x100 SUITABLE FOR
flats or an apartment house; $3000
A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth St. 9-9-tf
COUNTRY PROPERTY
FOR SALE.
just nsing a simile, you know. Malnr.
when I was a poor man poor, fcat
ambitious -you had confidence In aw
Instead of kleklns me farther down
you anuted to help me to rise. VVhiii
I was at the lowest ebb you came for
ward and asked me to take twentv
nve as a loan."
The major stared at him. Nothina
of the kind had ever taken nlace. ne
nad never seen the man before. No
one had ever offered to lend him even
25 cents.
"It was bread cast UDon the waters ''
continued the caller as he leaned for
ward to pat the major on the knee.
ana now Its coming back to you
The $25 shall become f25,000,O0O.
That's a pretty good deal In bread
isn't Itr
"But what is It?'
'The Great American Pull Bark
company, my dear sir, organized with
a capital or 55,000,000 my own orle
Inal idea. Been fully tested and work?
without a hitch. , Shares will go of!
uue bot cakes. It will make all the
gold mines in the country look like
15 cents. Major, you have seen o
farmer plowing, of course?"
20-ACRE TRACT SITUATED ON
the pipe line road; $325. A. R.
Johnson, 120 Twelfth street. 9-9-t
WANTED-TO RENT.
WANTED TO RENT A STOCK
or dairy farm for cash or shares.
Address Lewis & Clark, R. F. D.,
Box 80. 94-1 m
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
DR. W. C LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St Shanahan Blda
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
RESTAURANTS.
T0KIo,f3:EANT-
Oi.posite Ross, Higgins & Co.
Coffee with Pie or Cake 10 Ctm.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meals 15 Cts. and Up.
Uopncfcleat
8u(jOMMfl' Of
1. C- GEE 10
TBI GRIAT
CEmtSX D0CT01
WkO is kaawa
turongbont the United
i otii on account of
lis wonderful otrrat
No poison or 4,g u.. He guaras
to onre catarrh, asthma, lun and
throat troubU. rbeumatisn. nerrouMaa
stomaift, liver and khlsay, female ram
plaint and all ohronle dixeaaee,
IDCCISSm HOMX TSIATMirt
If you oB not eall rlU Inr
blaok sod eiroular, inelotlnt 4 eaaU I-
(tamps.
TBI C CEI WO MEDiaiTt CO.
MSI First St, Ooroer Horria
PORTLAITD, OtlOOM.
Pkaia mtatiofl th A'torUa.
U. B. EESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
FOR SALE MISCELLANEOUS
FOR SALE AT A BARGAIN
Horse, harness and wagon; call at
Henningsen's Furniture Store, 50fi
Bond street. 9-5-6t
GASOLINE LAUNCH, NEW, AND
strongly built; 6 h. p.; for sale at a
bargain. Hans Frederiksen, 2071 Bond
street. 9-3-t
"Yes."
Never Anything Like It.
"Yes, I know, but never mind that.
You have got schemes and all that,
but I have got the scheme. Never
was anything like it on the face of
the earth. I shall be president, and
I am here to offer you the vice presi
dency, salary $100.'000 the first year
and nothing to do but sit in a rocklnjr
chair and tell people what a 'gilt edge
thing we have. Do you want an ad
vance of salary right here and now?
If so, say the word and I'll draw yon
a check for $20,000. Go out and se'lert
your bank. Go out and order dia
monds. Get your duds out of a board
Ing house and into the Waldorf.'-
"What-what have you got?" aske:l
the major after a long look at th"
man.
"An avalanche of gold!" was tin
whispered reply. "It can't be desert!,.
ed In any other terms tons and tons
or new twenty dollar gold pieces slid
ing down the face of a mountain into
our hind pockets. The motto 'In Goil
We Trust' was left off them by the
president's order, but they will' pas?
current just the same. We will trust
each other instead. Major Crofoot.
you haven't got to struggle along with
the millionaires any longer, dodging
your landlady and resorting to free
lunches." '
"Sir!" replied the promoter as he
AMnr 1.1. 1M . 1
"Oh, no offense no ;ffensel I was
"Slow work to plow with either
horses, mules or oxen. It's so slow
that only about half the available land
is cultivated a hundred million acrei
of land In America lying Idle because
farmers can't find time to plow it.
Each acre would produce $30 worth
of crops. Look at the dead loss! By
my schemes every acre Is plowed."
"But how?"
"Easy as rolling off a log. If you
take a rubber band and stretch it out
It pulls back when you let go."
"Yes."
"No Kick, No Strikes."
"A rubber rope must do the same
thing. Supposing you fasten a rubbei
rope to the front end of a plow and
stretch it taut. It must pull the plow,
uiustu't It? Then suppose you fasten
another at the rear end. It must null
the plow backward when the other
resistance ceases. Anything pialnei
tnan tnat? One rope pulls one way
and the other the other way. When
the plow has made its furrow acrost
a field It Is jerked back to begin an
otherall, done by machinery, and the
farmer can lie in a hammock. . S
yelling at the oxen, no cussing at tbi
horses, no damning the mules. Wil
raise the moral standard of the coun
try 50 per cent in one year. Plow
goes to work at sunrise and quits at
sunset. Can work overtime when
necessary. No kicks, no strikes
Plows its live acres a day and con
sumes no food. The king of England
FOR SALE CHEAP, ONE SCHOL-
arship in the International Corres
pondence School of Scranton. En
quire Astorian office. 8-7-tf
- WANTED MISCELLANEOUS.
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cts.
First-Class Meals, IS Cts.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Smith's Special
Delivery
EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE
Ieave Orders st Star Cigar Store.
Phone Black 2383
Res. Phone Red 2276,
Stand Corner lltb tni Commercial, I
PLUMBERS.
UJIGW
PLUMBER
Heating Contractor. Tinntr
AND
Sheet Iron Worker
LL WORK GUARANTEEI
42S Bond Street
Astoria and .'Portland
ROUND TRIP DAILY
(Except Thursday)
Str. Ciias. R. Speocer
FARE $1.00 EACH WAY
For Portland and Way Landings.
Leavea Callendcr dock, Atoria 2:30
p. m.; arrives Portland 9:45 p. m.
Leaves Washington St. dock, Port-
land 7 a. m.; arrivei Astoria 1 p. n.
SUNDAY EXCURSION
FARE $1.00 ROUND TRIP
Leaves Washincton St. dock. Port
land. 8 a. m arrive Aa,tri I
Leavei Callendcr dock, Astoria 2 p.
m.j arrives Portland 9 p. m.
Connecting at Astoria for ail
Seaside Retorts,
Renowned for Soeed. Comfort and
Courteous Treatment.
WINES AND LIQUORS.
WANTED TO BUY A HORSE;
weight about 1250 pounds; not over
O ...... .IJ. a L- J . .
u jrtais uiu, niuai oc gooa unver ana i .
gentle, also city broke. Address As- fifllnG CflnCPft
.o.f o -
torian office.
WANTED WE PAY HIGHEST
cash price for second-hand and new
furniture; see us before you sell.
Zapf Furniture & Hdw. Co. 9-5-26t
(320 Astor Street)
Hall
Rooms for rent by the day, week, of
month. Bes rates in town.
P. A PETERSON, Prop.
MASSAGE,
OLGA KANTONEN, FINNISH
masseuse and steam baths, room 6,
Pythian BIdg., Commercial St., As
torian, Ore.
LOST AND FOUND.
LOST JADE RING, BETWEEN
Ninth street and Logan's hall.
Finder please leave at this office and
receive reward. 9-6-tf
MISCELLANEOUS.
IS
limn
write;"
"It's all nonsense!" Interrupted tbt
major.
"The czar of Russia has ordered fivt
of the plows and says that"
"It will nuver work!" '
"Lillian ltussell has promised to give
an exhibition of it on the stage when
! tier new play is put on. I tell you.
major, it is going to sweep the country
like a prairie fire. I am lust eottu
out the ankles of incorporation, and if
you couia hand me over $5 as an
earnestness of your intention"
"Sir, I refuse to talk with you fur
ther!" exclaimed the major as he rose
"P.
"The grandest, the biggest, the most
gigantic the avalanche of the century
Major"-
"Get out, sir!"
"You attach one rubber rope to the
front end of the plow and the other to
the rear, and"
Then the door struck his toes and
was locked, and the major went back
to his chair and his 14 ppntfl anA not-
down and drew a long breath and ex-
claimed:
"Phew, but I didn't bellev two
was another like me in the country!"
M. QUAD.
MAGAZINE BINDING OF ALL
kinds done at the Astorian Office.
LOOSE LEAF LEDGERS - ALL
kinds made by The J. S. Dellinger
Company.
HOUSE MOVERS.
FREDR1CKSON BROS.-We make
a specialty of house moving, car
nenters, contractors, general jobbing;
prompt attention to all orders. Cor
ner Tenth and Duane streets.
A few dosl of thin ramaAv ntdl l
variably cure an ordinary attack of
It Can alwavs tw AnnenAaA acntn
even in the more severe attacks of
crump cone ana cnoiera- morbus.
It in ennallv ant-manful
diarrhoea and r.hnlva nr.nfnn, i-
! children, and is the means of saving
the lives of many children each year.
When reduced -with
sweetened it is pleasant to take.
Every mun of n family should keep
this remedy in his home. Buy it now.
Price, 25c. Large Sizk. boo.
Youncc & Baker
PLUMBERS
TINNERS
Steam and Gas Fitting
All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth
Street, opp; Post Office. Phone Main
4061.
CAPT. E. W. SPENCER.
Genr! M.n.o.,
Astoria Office, Callender Dock.
"I"""IIIIJ .iuuwji "ix.wusi
MISCELLANEOUS.
DENTISTS.
We Kill the
Torturing Demon
in
i aTv 9 BP
f . J Gu.ru(cl f
" t ir-irn nr ma iir .
MENANDWOMEII.
TTa Ko 41 tnr tirmatnral
Aimr tiaruau Inflaniriiiitinri
irritrttiou or ulvoratiooc
fjf mil enn mmnhrjLnftM.
lintcvANSuntnniUALtiU. gent or pomonoui.
I Hold toy uiuiKirlBl,
or sent In plain vr ran dot
by expram. prepaid, foi
circular aunt tm reuueet
&r r
)r
ititmmmMMaimammmmmaitti jKWWiraaStWMriiaaai
IN ONE OR MANY COLORS
...U 1
inc pumiui ana agonizing pangs
make life intolerable for the sufferer
It. is but a matter of a' moment to si
lence the imp that causes the pain in
the nerve. We practice painless ex
traction and do it carefully. Also the
cleaning and filling of teeth when we
deem them worthv nf a-,.,:,. n...
Our Crown and Bridge work demon-
"ur proressiona! skill. En
trust your teeth to 113. nnrl vnti um!1
never have cause to complain, either
of the work or the charges. '
CHICAGO DENTISTS.
Cor 11 -h and Commercial Sts.
Over Danziger's Store,
My stock of men's and boy's
shoes is unsurpassed for qua
lity. Close buying and low
expenses enable me to sell the
best qualities at lowest prices.
S. A. GIMRE
54.1 Bond Street
59
For Sde.
Twelve shares Northern . Oyster
:ompames stock, one hundred and,
hirty dollars (130) pet share,
'mperial Restaurant.
LARGEST FACILITIES
IN THE WEST FOR
THE PRODUCTION OF
HIGH GRADE WORK
Apply I
8-9-tf.
. n
warned, y. -s.-. - - y- ''file
Young lady telephone operators. ffiMiiV$ftyifaim
Jaid while learning. Apply at Tele- - :.&,jf
RATES AS LOW AS EASTERN HDllSrs
CONCRETE
WORK DONE
ANY PERSON WANTING ANY
tviMCKttTE WORK DONE AT
THE CEMETARIES, WILL
PLEASE LEAVE ORDERS AT
POHL'S UNDERTAKING 'OF-FICE.
E. NYMAN
MBS
...... .ri ii"" .
Shoemaker
Get yourSHOE REPAIRING rln
at E G. GUNALL'S, All ,ri,
anteed Prices right.
STH AND COMMER. '
CIAL STRKETS '
0
Astoria, Ore. '
P, O. Box 603,
phone office.
9-4-lw