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About The Umpqua weekly gazette. (Scottsburg, O.T. [Or.]) 1854-1855 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1855)
J dt V f . fc tstsar. "rsr" St 5!WB!!B!WH HOYD AiBLAKF.LY, I'HOPUIKTOIIS. i)i:vori:ii to i'omtic, litisiiatmiik, AtmtriiiTiii-j (.kneiial ivri:M.ioi:.v;r:, uv., lc. TKUM8 85,00 PKIt ANNUM. , r4l U fi - V)M'aIVA 411. fllttf THE UMPQUA WEEKLY GAZETTE. I'Uiimsiieii i:t.hv satuiiiiay, M 110YI) & HLAKELY. ' t.,y, n. iiom. "I1- allKKtCHIn HiNitt.itr.ii'a IH.ii.iuno. Main "treef mil door west of tho 'SrolUbuns House." TKIIMt INVAHIAIII.Y IV AllVANfJI'. Our copy, for ono ycur, CS ,'i S for lx month, 93.00 1 Tor thrco iiiunllm, U,0(. No mjer will be ttlncoiitlnuvl until nil urrcar- 'KAVvr".T?itr.si will I In-rH l , lowltts rtc:-Oiio ntitro of ten lln- r Im, Unit luwrtlon, $2,00; ncU ittW.iienl Ini-rtlnii, l,0 . A liberal deduction mulu l yearly ad vf rtlwrp Ilt-HiNM Cami, of ten limit or lei, for mm yrar, tM J Tur nit inolillii, t!5 for llirco montim, tiTli number of Insertion tnitfl lnlltlnct ly 'marked on the iiinrRlit. ntlterwlat tliwy will w imtluucJ till forbid, and clnr'.-l accordingly. The following iiampli-riM.nii am niilliorlil lo rrcelro auUcrlptloti nnd ad-rrtlKtmuU fur lir Unttltr, nti'l receipt for the wuc i II. W. .Mmwi., I:ukho City. J. H. 5lcln:rsr, M. I.. Oonullk I. N. Kwith, l.. ltiirlliiKtuii. Ou.ttov HtttTii.li".. Albany. I,. F. Ciiovr.it, llu,,.Salrm. K II. Tati-oh, Jacksonville. Jams Twtmonn, Cutiyonvllle, F H. Ifni.UNt., Ori'K'in 'lly. ' W II. rViiuuii, l' . I'orlUuoT, Oiv. Alum, Astoria. flnt. II. AuiimiKK, M. I . Jacksonville. ItiHMi A Vp'imih, Jaekonlllf. It. II. Psuiutuiw, Ihtr CVil:. Hov. Jtr. (lAt.tr. Otnjonvllle. J. tf (Imiii.k, li., Fort Orf'ipl. 0. MiiMuitov, Dalit cf tliv (Columbia. Amos K. Uwikim, l., Cooae- Hay. Col. W. W. Ciuru.N, Klkton. U. Fuwtt, Kf., Wltclirtr. Jos. KtrsoitM, Cuiiyoinllle. JiH. A. fiiuiMM, F..'., Fort Vitnritivf r, v T. I1 " A h'mtr.wii DiH.-roit. 'iTio l'liiltlcliltin Sunday Mercury tell n atory to UiAUVct that a tnaii iiattii'd Jimninj;i undertook n (nw nlglita ilnco to jiy n colored r!iyni. cian from St. 'pomlng;, named Dr Charle Io Hrttit. rilidiiiK In tli'Uclly, n aevnro diubbUig for malpractice. It'FOtnia Uial Iflh la a orel nml rrO-oiliiDr; It-m ,nf Jcnnltlga had been troubled with tllupcpiia, new ami ia put in circulation lor thofirat n,l l,.i.i ni,li,.,l in Dr. !.u llriin for a curu tltimo by tho writer. Hut, Mr. Miller, it bo but after lakitiL' tint tloctor'a ploic for a month ho found himtt If much vrorir, told tint tloctor ao, ami then a quarrel ami the aiiault junt apokett of follow ed. "Moniieur le .Mnyr," Mill tho Dr., "I no prtttud to bo zo wizaril ; hut I euro any liody tint do vat I aay. I tell dii man ho mutt take two of my pill to morrow, four io nex day, and den goiloublu odos for ty tlay ; ami if he no euro tleu, I tell him ho come to mo I will give hint back Ida money touto lulte. Sare, dat ii ze bargauu vat I ruado id him, and ho no tlo dat, no it no under ho git vono." Jennings replied to thU: "I took hi pill, air, according to tllrectioitf, for llvo day, doubling every day, a ho told me, anil found on tho fifth tlay that tint done amoun ted to thirty-two pilli; and then I began to flguro tii what It would amount to in forty day, and found that 1 should have to taku nt least halfn peck." "No matter If It vat a hmhel," saitl Dr. I.n llmn, "o pillis vegitabeel, just amo a von ttirneep, ami ho might live on item all o time ami zcy no hurt. Hut if ho no give xo pill hfiiir trial, vot for I give him back his money." It was plain otiough that Jenning did not go according to contract, nml so ho hail no pretence for asking Dr. Lo limn to refund. llio tloctor promised to nay nothing about i tho assault nml battery if Jenning would portevoro in tho purchase ami use of tho tncdiclno; but Jenning In this oxtremo case, preferred tho operation o( law to that of physic, ami wait nccorinugiy noiimi over to answer for tho outrage ho had comitted. Tho dyspeptic individual, however, in aying that "when ho began to figure up whnt it woultl como to in forty tlay, hail ho followed tho sable physician' prescript tion, and round that ho would have had to tako nt toast half a peck," bhotvetl a groat ignornnco of quantity. Our "devil," whilo waiting for the copy, "has llgured it up," and say that tho fluttering Jennings woultl only havo I,070,:i0l,lli7,7tm pill to tako for his last doso, and but i!,M0,fl0i),V!.r.ri, .130 altogether; ami ho promised to reduce this to "dry measuro nt tho enrliost leis ure." A Hupkai.0 pnper says n man in that city, bolng much annoyed by the singing of a canary, flworo at the liltio songstur, biiico which time it ha maintained perfect silouce. A roliglnus tract I aoon to bo publised Bet ling forth tho above fuct. Tho papors tloos not atato that tint oath was uouompanid with n blow, leaving nothing but tho foath era. Tin: Kr.cKivint of tho Crystal I'alnco in New York states that tho Assclation owes less than 8200,000 ; nml na tho property cost over 8700,000, tlw assets will proba bly enter nil liabilities. CorrcM'Oii'ltncool Ida Weekly OafiMv, III our Innt wo tlintoited of .Mr. Liitmoti'ii lollor, timl will now briefly notlco Mr Mil. lur'n latter. And II rat, lot tin rond wlmt ho linn written concerning tho military xond ; hut huforo wit Inlrotliico hi reniarki,wo will atnto thnt hr. ujnotl jmitirrly ignorant of the limit jiublieeuturrji In tho hiitory of thnt rnntl. Ami uotwithtAii(llni( thoro nro nuvernl n llio IJnijMiua vnlltiy who nro illit lenki;(( with tho (iOiiumI In regnrtl to this riiml, yet If thnro woro no other objection, but till. out?, to hint, wo qucition very much whether Itmt ohjoctlon nlono would ho ur.'d nn!itt him at thin time. Now to tihow tho nttenipt nt virtuo In Mr. Miller' learhhijj wo tttoto: "Int. A to tho military rond from Myr. tlo creek to Scottaburg. Ho far from (Jen. Latio' Imvitif,' tlotto nuything, in connec tion with thin road, that nhould injuro him in tho estimation of any portion of tho puo phi of UiitHun valley, or eUewheru in Oru uou, what ho did nhould havit had, and no doubt will have, when properly tinilurntood, exactly tho oppoitu effect. I will briefly review tlto hiitory of thin road, and atato tho fact aimply, ami olainly." Iteatler, drivo a nail hero, and then rend tho following from tho amo writer: "I anttwer, 1 1 1. That without any move ment on tho Hiibject on tho part of tho peo ple intereiited In fact, before thero wcro any BetllemenU at either end of utiid road, ami when very fuw, if any, of tho people of Oregon had thought of conttruclhig any audi a highway, and without any rcocom meudntlou from any quarter whatever and what i Ht ill more remarkable, without theru having Leen any kuruy or eatimatu of tho work, winch lia alway heretofore been required beforo an appropriation could bo had, (ieu. I. alio, at hit own motion, and by the exertion of that power which ho poitc oi here, over antl above all other men. ei ther in or out of Cnngreia, brought forward tho proportion to lay out ami construct the road in ihimuoii, nml pttahed it through boUtlioutoof CongrcM." 'appear that tho above I wholly; fal"". 1 oil have been egregnouily deceived about a matter you unfoittmately tlo not 'umleritatid. Tim appropriation for thu mil- ! ry ' 'font .uyrtiit creca io ogonauurf; tiasH'tl tho Concrt'ss of TI I, uwn tho rajucst of the people; a request which was made not only for this road, but for tho car nlug out tho order to hate tho mails de livered at (Jmpqua, and tho expenditure of tho appropriation made for a light-houso, iVc, at tho mouth of I'iuKpia river, which pained Congress In March, (wo think,) Til. (Sen. I.ano answered this request, about tho road, during tho canvas of May, '511, in speeches which fir made, at S inchester, Deer Creek, nml at Canyonvillo, Douglas county, 'litis subject of a military road engaged a largo portion of hi attention. (Sen. I.ano shnll be your witness to sustain these facts, which ho U not tho gentleman lo gainsay. In tho following Congress af ter his second election, ho obtained the ap propriation for Pmpqua valley. Ami to show you that tho poeplo tlid "move" in tho matter long prior to tho passago of tho bill, lot mo say, that through tho kindness of tho IMitor of the Statesman, tho peoplo of Oregon wero ndviscd of our wishes in reference to this road, by letters published in that papor. To further show you that It was well understood all over Oregon be foro it passage, ami long before (Sen. I.ano wa elected tho second time, wo will hero refer you to tho Joint Resolution of tho Or egon Legislature, which parsed at their December session, 18.72, asking for n "mil itary roiul from Scottsburg to lloguo river beyond Myrtlo creek. You will And n similar resolution which passed the Oregon Legislature, at its December Bsession,18,r!l, asking for a "military road from Hcotts burg to Itoguo river valloy." JJy this yon will sco that tho request was mado nt two sesiious, mid in tho most public manner, l'ctitiotions were repeatedly circulated in this valley, long beforo tho bill passed nml upon which tho Legislature acted, nml of which (Sen. Lano was advised. This wo consider n "movement" on tho part of tho people. In regard to "settler at cither end of tho route," wo will further stato that nt Scottsburg tho first election was held in June, 1851, at which Gen. Lane had a ma jority voto at his first election as Delegate. Douglas county, in which Myrtlo creek is situated, was organized Jan. 7th, 18.7J, bo. foro any appropriation wns mado for this road, and if Mr. Miller passed through Douglas county In .the summer of Til or 5'2, ho saw settlements nt nml about Myrtlo creek, and along tho entire route, though not as thickly sottlod as at this (into. In May, 5!),(ieu. Lane passed through Douglas conn ty nml addressed tho people, at tho points named, and In order to do it passed over ..... ! .I. ...II. . ' ...! Iwnni is now mo iiinuary route; acousuurg gave him uuolher majority voto nt that elec- -. p tion, nil of which mat before b'cottsburg was mado tho terminus of the mittnfy road. Will Mr. Miller, or any body Hsc, deny the nbovo record of Joint KesoEition ami tho r.tW facts ? Wo opino nut. What earthly benefit is it, then, lo (Sen. Lane, for Mr. Miller to imblisii that which Is ;ot ftirv ly and larnifly untrue.? Tho peoplo asked for tho road, nml obtained Hi ami Hcottsburg,instead of being out of existence nt the time, was n commercial ttlaco of business long beforo (Jen. J.ano vfe ojor.tcd the Jirt time. Huppomt wo inquire when soap will reach it maximum value? and stop with that. Wm regret that wo cannot copy morn from thoso loiter, but space will not permit, therefore, gentlemen, stand aside. In conclusion, wo would intimate to our friendly letter writer, that they havo been Sadly poaled-and instead of setting tho peo ple "right" about "certain matters," they itavo convinced many that they ihcmrelve have blindly fallen by tho errors they sou't lo inculcate. Thus it nppear,and thus it is, particular), in .Mr. Miller' case, for whom wo havo a deep feeling of solicitude, nml trust hi ax is ground, or Ids "war" money obtained. May it benefit him, and may prudenco creep into his inkstand nuick- '.. Hero wo havo rich sttecimens of pressed brick from tho I'ool of .Siloam. mado to or der, anil being tuetl in ft superstructure rather than in a foundation, they will flat ten out, and wit cannot help it. Ily all mean in thu world, we wilp.ecp new be ginners out of Congress ris Mr. Lawion requires of us ; and they shall not go thero if elected, became wo do not desire to bind anybody "in a frolic." Hut if no oris will do but tho (Seneral, for the reason Mr. Lawson ha expressed, what will wo do when tho (Seneral Itecomea Vice prefident, antl is removed from us f Will some sev eral, or more, letter writers in Washington inform us f and also inform the people of Oregon of their destination to which of tho two doubtful itatts they nro wending their wny, nml uUo when If oror, day will be lermittetl to return f lloth these letter writers stato that the (Seneral obtain every thing hoaiks for, if this i so, why is it that highly important services havo been denied to those who havo been warm yet seiisiblo admirers of tho (Seneral in times gonoby; why is this t Will tho (Seneral nnsweri Anil by so do ing let us havo thu truth and no moro press ed brick from tho l'ool of Siloam, Is tho solemn prayer of UAC1ILL. PiioroiiiiAi'ine Coti.Nur.itrriTiKO. A Cincinnati gentleman writes to tho N. Y. Tribune, describinn tho results of somo ex iKtrimcnts which have been made in that city by Mr. I'onlayne, n dagucrreotypist, relativo to to tho art of photographic coun terfeiting, 'llio counterfeit notes, he says, manufactured In this manner, far surpass in tho perfection of their detail nnvthin" of tho kind which ha ever done bit tho old method of engraving. Kvery lino and eve rv speck it accurately copied, so that when tho photographr are taken upon tht proper bank note papor they defy detection, either by tho unaided eyo or by tho microscope. I A number of bills copied in this way by Mr. l'ontavne, wcro presented nt various banks in Cincinnati, and in every caro they wero pronounced, nfter careful inspection, to bo genuine. Ily this newly discovered system of pho. togrnphy, all kinds of ordinary writing or printing mny bo copied checks, notes, au tographs ami letters. The only safeguard to the public in respect to bank bills seems to lie in tho fact that bright ret),, bluo or green colors cannot bo imitated by tho pho tographic process, ami that bills which nro partially printed in theso colors nro conse quently secure from tho possibillity of coun terfeiting. Hills counterfeited by the pho togrnphio method may always betcctetl by wetting them with u solution of corrosivo sublimato or of hyodriodato of potassium tho liquid immediately turning tho photo-graphic- pioturo white. This test, however, would prove but a poor safeguard to tho publio generally. OuTitAonot's Imposition. Wo learn that yesterday n very rcspectablo Irish fam ily, who havo by their industry acquired a littlo property, roceiveil n letter purporting to como from Gov. Gardner, stating that if tho man did not como up tho State houso and seo His Kxcclleucy beforo twelve o' clock his goods nml house would bo con fiscated. Tho man accordingly went up to lloston, nml tho woman in great distress oflered one of our citizens tho houso nt his own pricoif ho would tako it off her hands. Fortuuntoly thero wns no hnrm dono.but no thanks nro duo to tho perpetrator of this gross hoix on that account. If any but an honest man had had tho nfior of that house, tho poor woman would havo boon deprved of n home, nnd another family mado destt. Into and forced to como upon tho city, Jossrly's Lynn Daily. Docatlclc Invent n Patent irlcd Iciiic. Ni:w Yoiik, Nov. 0, 1851. .Vet cn-hundrcd and one, Harrow fitrcrt. Congratulate mo my fortimo i made I am Immortalized, and I'vo done it myself. I have gone into tho patent medicino busi ness. My name will bo handed down to joatority ns that of a universal benefactor. Die hand which hereafter writes upon tho record of I'nmo thonamesofAyer, Sands, Townsend, Modal, Morrison and llran dreth, mint nlio intcribu sido by side with theto ilistingiiishnd appellations, thri no les brilliant cognomen of tho undying Doo stick. Hmulous of tho deathless notoriety which ha been acquired by tho medicinal worthies just mentioned, I also resolved to achieve n namo rind a fortuno in the tame reputable and honest manner. Bought n gallon of tar, n cako of beeswax, nnd a fir kin of lard, nnd in twenty-four hours I pre settled to tho world the first bitch of "Dor: rir;K'i I'atk.yt Ski.i'-Actixj Forn.IIouE I'owKit Hamim," designed to euro all dis eases of thu mind, body or cslato, to givo strength lo tho weak, money to tho poor, bread ami butter lo tlto hungry, boots to thu bare foot, decency to blackguard, and common sense to the Knuw-Nothlngs. It acts physically, morally, mentally, psycho logically, physiologically and geologically, and it i intended to make our sublunary sphere a blissful paradise, to which Heaven itself shall not be a sido-tbow. I have not yet brought it to absolute per fection, but even now it acts with immense force, as you perceive by thq accompany ing testimonials nnd records of my own jtersonal experience. You will observo that I have resorted to the usual manner of pre paring certificates ; which it, to be certain that all thoo intended for eastern circula tion shall seem to como from some formerly unheard of place in tho west, while those sent to the west shall bo dated at some forty miles east of sunrise. Hut I send you as representing tho Western country, a cer lulcnto rmrii nn Oregon farmer; . , Dear Sir : Tho land composing my farm has hitherto Itccu so poor thatn Scotchman couldn't get his living, and so stony that we had to slico our potatoes, nnd plant them edgeways; but hearing of your balsam, I put somo on tho comer of a ten ntro lot surrounded by n rail fence, nnd in tho mor nit)'' I found thu rocks had entirely disap peared, n neat stone wall encircled tho field, and tho rails wcro split into oven wood and piled up symmetrically in my back yard. I'ut half nu ounco into the tmilulo ol n huck leberry swamp, in two days it was cleared off, planted in corn and pumpkins nnd had a row of teach trees in lull bloom through the middle. As an evidence of its tremen dous strength, I would stato that it drew a striking likeness of my oldest daughter druw my youngest boy out of the mill pond drew" n blister all over his stomach tlrew a load of potatoes lour miles to mar ket, and eventually drow a ptizo of $07 in (ho Stato lottery. And tho effect upon tho inhabitants hereabouts has been so wonder ful, that they hao opened their eyes to the good of tho country, and are determined to voto for a Governor who is oppsed to frost in tho middlo of June,aud who will make a positive law against freshets, hail storms ami tho seventeen year locusts. There isn't that some, t Hut I givo ono more from a member of tho senior class In a western college, who although misguided, neglected and ignorant, is undoubtedly as hi Prussianized education will admit of. I have corrected tho orthography and revised somo grammatical inaccuracies; but, be sides attending to theso trlltes, inserting marks of punctuation, nnd putting tho cap italt in tho right places, I assuro you I havo mado no alterations : "Sam. II.iKiion, Juno 31, 185-1. My Dear Doctor : (You know I attend ed lectures halfn winter, and ouco assisted in getting n crooked needle out of a lady's leg; so 1 understand perfectly well tlto the ory nnd practico of niedicliio, and tho V tor is perfectly legitimato under tho Prussian system.) Ily the incessant study required in this establishment, I had becomo worn down so thin that I wns obliged to put an overcoat on to cast shadow but ncci dentally hearing of balsam, I obtained a quantity, and, in obedience to tho homeo pathic principle of this institution, took an infinitesimal doso only; in four days I measured ono hundred and eighty-two inch es round tho waist eould chop eleven cords of hickory wood in two hours and ft half; and on n hot, carried a yoko of oxen two miles and n quarter in my loft hand, my light hand being tied behind mo; nnd if any ono dotibs tho fact, tho oxen aro still to bo seen. "About two weeks after this, I had the pleasure of participating in ft gun powdor ox plosion, on which occasion my arms nnd legs wero scattered ovprtho village, and my mangled remains pretty equally distri buted throughout tho country. Under these circumstances my life was despaired of, and my classmates had bought a pino cof fin ami borrowed wholo shirt to attond tlto funeral in ; when tho iuviuclhlo power of your four horso power balsam (which I hap pened to havo In my vest pocket) suddenly brought together the scatterctl pieces of my body eolfected my limbs from the rural districts put new life in my shattered frnme,and I was restored, uninjured, to my friends, with n now set of doublo teeth. I Itnvo preserved tho label which enveloped tho IxHtlo, nnd sowed it into the seat of my pantaloons, nnd I now bid grim death defiance, for I feel that I am henceforth un killable, and in fact I arn oven now gener ally designated tho '(Jrcat Western Achil les.' Yount, entirely, Ski Hv." I feel that after this, Mr. Kditor, I need give you no more reports of third pcrsonr,but will nevertheless detail somo of my own jicrHOniil experience of the article. I caasea some to bo applied to tho Washtenaw Hank after its failure, and whilo the balsam lasted tho bank recdeemed its notes with specio. Tho cork of ono of tho bottles drop ped upon tlto head of a childless widow, and in six weeks she had a young and blooming husband. Administered somo to n hack driver in a glass of gin and sugar, and that day he swindled but seven people, and only gavo two of them bad money in change. Gave n fcw rlrop gratis to a poor woman who w " (u'. i precarious sub sistence by making calico shirts with a on eyed neetfle, and the next day she was dis covered o bo heir to a largo fortune.. J ho Know-ISoUiinj candidate for Mayor of tho city has sent for a bottle, and it has entirely curpd him of a violent verbal diar rh.T.t. Gave some to an up town actornd that night ho said 'damned' only twenty ono times. Ono of-the daily papers got too next dose, nnd in the noxt edition but ono there wero but four editorial falsehoodi,scr en indecent advertisements, and two col umns and a half of home-made 'Foreign Correspondence.' Caused fifteen drops to bo given to tho low comedian of a. llroad way theatre, and that night ho positively dressed moro like a man than a monkey actually spoko somo lino of tho author made only thrco insane attempts at pucrilo witticisms only twico went out of his way to introduco somo grossly indelicato lines into his part, and for a wonder lost so much of his self-conceit that for a full half hour ho did not think himself the greatest come dian ia tho world. Gavo somo to a news boy, nnd ho manufactured but thrco fires, a couploof murders, and ono horriblo rail' road accident, in tho next thirty minutes. Put tomo on tho outside of tho Crystal Palace, and tho samo day tho stock went up from 22 to -1 1. Our wholo Empiro Ci ty is entirely changed by tho miraculous power of " Docstick's Patent Self-Acting-Four-Horse-Power Balsam." Streets aro lighted on the dark nights instead of on tho moonlight evenings thero aro no moro highway robberies in tho streets, or if thero tru tho oiTcndcrs.when arrested, aro instant ly discharged by the polico magistrate. No more building materials on tho side walks ; no moro midnight murders : no moro Sun day Hows; no moro dirty streets; no more duels in Hoboken, and no moro lies in thu nowspapers. Broadway is swept and gar nished; tho M. P.'snro civil; and tho boys don't steal any moro dogs. In fact, so well content aro wo now in our c!ty,thatwo feel, as tho Hibernian poet so beautifully says: "Oh, If there is an Elysium on carta, ' It U thU-it Is this." Orders for my Balsam, accompamud nv the money will bo immediately attended to ; otherwise- not for my partner and I havo resolved to sell for cash only, feeling as did Dr. Young, who appropriately and feelingly remarks : "We take no notes on Time." Triumphantly yours, Dr. Q. It. Philander Doesticks, P. B., M. D. P S. Dull Doggo says I havo piled it' up too strong, nnd that no ono will bolieva what ho calls "that humbug about tho news papers, and tho prepostorous nonsonso con cerning tho Broadway actor." I am awaro that in thoso instances my medicino has porformed a modern miracle, but tho facts remain "no less truo than strango." Dr. Q. It. P. P., P. B., M. D. Vnvnr 1-nfilCA (n kiss n. l.lflv. Gal. lantry, religion nnd good tasto 'alike forbid it. If it is sweet, tt will make- you lect iiko a barrel nnd half of whito sugar for a week; and if it is not, you will nt loast have tho satisfaction of knowing that it was tho best that could bo oflered. Kisses, howevo, like candy, aro genorally mado up with a good deal oi sacouarino auuu. mum. tuung gentlemen at all skeptical should tr on a few. SurTERING ron which we obtain no Symi'btiiv. Whon we are suffering impertinence tin pA- -