Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (July 31, 1869)
ALBANY, OREGON, SATURDAY, JULY 31, 1809.
SATUHHAY, JULY o I, 18C9.
luu't Stay Late To-Xift-lit.
There 1e some wo wot of, who. if thry chanre
to read the following exquisite an I truthful lines,
will ace themselves reflected, aud pause and
Th heartli of home i? bentmncr
With rays of rosy liuht :
Ami lovely eyes are glcamifg.
As fal'a the shade, of uight
And 'while the steps arc leaving "
The circles pure, and bright,
A tender voTee.. ifai?rlMrttfV" '
iay," "Don't stay lite to-u:ght."
The world in whieh thou uiovest.
Is bnsy, brave and wide.:
The world of her thou lot est
Is at the inle fide ;
r-he watts for thy warm greeting ;
Thy siui'.e is h"r delight.
Her gen le voice entreat in sr.
Says, "Don't stay hue to-niht."
The world, cold, inhuman.
Will spurn thee, if thou full ;
The love of one poor woman
0!ifl:-; and shames them all ;
Thy children will cling around thee.
Let fate be dark or bright ;
At home'n- shaft will wound thee
Then, "Don't stay la!e to-night."
the room. 1 beheld duplicates,
the precise copy of the other.
The Twin Sisters
"Well," said Ned Arlington, "for my
part I have never loved but one woman.
and she is now my be'ter half.
I Ml you.' replied a fellow strige
coaeher, "you had au easy courtship. I
Was compelled to love two ladies."
"Two ladies V .
'Yes, sir, two ladies."
"But you did not love thern both
"Now, stranger, there was just the
trouble; I was thinking of tliis precise
difficulty when I remarked you had an:
easy courtship." )
"You puzzle me," exclaimed Ned. j
"Suppose'ou relieve our minds by a re
hearsal ?" -
"It will afford me pleasure and you
entertainment," rejoined the handsome
and social fellow traveler.
Here we leaned forward, intent on
hearing how. a man was compelled to
love two girls with the same degree of
' fervor. :
"My friends," said he, "if you ever
visit New Haven, Connecticut, you will
hear these expressions : 'As much alike
as the Grover girls ; or this : 'You can
no more distinguish them than you cau
tell Sue from Hannah Grover.' I say,
Jadies and geutlemen, when a New Ha
vener is discussing a point of similitude,
he is sure to refer to the Grover girls."
I had not beeu iu the Elm City six
weeks before I heard these comparisons.
I went there intending to enter a bus
iness firm. "On my arrival I stopped at
the Tontine. At this hotel two geutle
men were arguing a point of law. and it
' was then I first heard this language.
One was proving that two expressions
meant but the same thing, and paralleled
the two propositions, with the notorious
Now there is one thing I have in com
mon with women that is curiosity. I
own it, and will confess that I "was on
nettles. Never could I be appeased until
1 had a near view of these females.
"Tell me," said I to the book-keeper,
"are these Grover girls so very much
, "Are they?" said he in surprise.
"Well, I will tell you, Mr. 3Iiller, if you
can distinguish them after a week's ac
quaintance,! will pay your bill at this
house for the balance of your residence."
"How can I see them ?"
"I'll tell you. Observe that bright
looking gent with the white hat. That
is Mr Potter, one of our rising lawyers.
'He is intimate with the sisters. Obtain
an introduction to him, and he will see
you through." .
"Are these ladies in good standing ?"
"Oh ! among the first people."
"Can Mr. Potter distinguish them 2"
"Never, sir, never J and he looks with
the. eye of. a detective." , ...
"How long has he known them ?"
"Three or four years, to my certain
knowledge; it may be longer."
This determined me. I soon estab
lished myself with, the lawyer by retain
ing him in an Important case. I found
him more than willing to afford the in
troduction, as he was anxious to see the
fix their identity never failed to create
ia a stranger.
I will never fi.rcrct that first interview.
i Two exquisitely beautiful Indies' entered
dressed alike to a ribbon aud a ring.
Their voices and countenances gave uo
clue. Tnen their motions kft you none
Said Potter, "Now take a good look,
for I wish you to see if you can identily
"Mr. Potter," said I, "you will em
barrass the ladies."
"Not at all," said cne. ''We are used
to this." said the other. "It is the great
amusement afforded by our resemblance."
Here both spoke, but on honor, it souml-.
cd like one voice.
"Ladies," said I. "pardon me ; I
know you are uot horses, but allow uie to
look at your teeth !"
I desired this, deeming there would
be found some little speck, indentation
or irregularity that would serve as au
index.- They exhibited their pearly
rows ; but after a minute investigation, I
was no better iu formed.- I examiued the
finger nails, then their hands, still I had
' no point ol distinction, and I gave it up
I that Sue and Hannah might forever ex-
change places without fear of detection
; "on my part.
The ridiculous blunders of admirers
were frequent. Mautuatuakcrs, shoe
makers, and tradespeople in general,
were continually presenting Hue an ac
count created by "Hanuah, or telling Han
nah some lingo intended ouly for the ears
The beauty of the ladles impressed
me. 1 hey were ot my style. An ac
quaintance of two months demonstrated
their superiority in all respects. In
brief, I found myself in love but with
which one 1
When tender ideas arose, I fouDd it
just as natural to one as to the other.
Yes, I solemnly aver I was in love I
had the connubial article. I frequently
took them out, yet never knew whom I
had. If my lady would quote Sue, I
thought it clear I had Hannah ; or if
Hannah was mentioned, I believed I was
beauing Sue. Indeed, it was a mere
matter of faith. There was no evidence,
for as often one palmed herself on tne as
the other. This was a chronic dodge,
played on their various admirers to suit
convenience and insure rest. As far as
these gallants were concerned, it was im
material : although one might be called
for by name, the other would do just a3
well, no one being able to detect the dif
I often implored them to contradis
tinguish themselves by some article of
apparel or jewelry. "That would spoil
our fun," they would exclaim, a3 though
I meditated some terrible infliction. As
1 have told you, I felt that my happiness
depended upon the possession of one ot
these twins. But for whom should I ask
the parents ? Honestly, it was no matter
which one I had, as affection could make
On a lovely eve in September, one.
sister was from home. Now, thought I,
here is a surety that T can talk a whole
evening to one of this dual phenomenon
As she entered the parlor, said I, "How
do you do, Miss Hannah ?" "You are
wrong, sir; it's Miss Sue." "Are you
humbugging ?" ''Truly not ; I tell you
sincerely. You now address Sue Gro
ver." I. saw she looked unusually ten
der, and taking advantage of her falter
ing voice and tremulous manner,
declared my love,' and she ; returned it
with all the ardor of her true and impas
sioned nature. 1 summoned the old
folks ; told our devotion ; gave prospects
and made all essential revelations. The
senior Grovers gave us their blessings
and assured 'us that they would see our
course of true love "should run smooth."
" But what if that other girl should
incident to uon-distinguishment. On
this ground I had a genuine trouble.
iSefore Hannah returned, I inyited Sue
to take a walk on the green. "When op
posite the center of the church. I spoke
of the betrothal ring, and -requested tier
to please let me see the ring she wore.
She took it off, and I carelessly pi yed
with it to throw her off hir guard then,
calling hev attention to a p.irty of stu
dents, took my Congress knife and drew
the file blade through the inner part. It
left a nice nrark, and by this I Imped to
identify her in future. On our return
to the house I secretly--posted her parents.
They-said that I did properly -that it
was time Sue should be recognized by
tor affianced ! ' ' '
" You thiuk you are smart' said she,
ere 1 leit iter.
"Why:"' replied T.
"Oh," responded she, "that ring game
tas beeu tried by half a dozen admirers.
I susplcioncd what you were at, but
thought I would see -how many heads
would Conceive the sameplan."'
The next day neither she nor her sister
wore a ring. Uue weeic alter tney re
sumed them : but- in neither 'was there a
mark. 11 was evident tnat l was aoout
to be out-i'eneraled. and would have to
depend on the discretion of my intended,
aud the goodness of their parents.
At parlies I had several trials. I never
knew whom I took home; would talk a
flood of love to the wrong girl, and re
ceive a laugh for my enthusiasm.
"Hang it," said I, "the cream of the
joke is -I can't be revenged, for I might
A Perilous Adventure.
A "Game" that Wouldn't Work.
come in? . What a pretty mix! - How
would I ever ' know - my girl ? Though
again I assure you it would have made no
difference. I would have proposed to
Hannah just the same. My only trouble
was in the multitude of embarrassments
hurt the wrong lady."
The betrothal ring was given. Now,
thought I, there is a termination to my
discomfiture. Well, it did terminate in
just twenty-lour, hours, llannan took
Sue's ring, went to a jewelry store, and
ordered one precisely like it,-bearing the
inscription. , Moreover, she charged him
to see that the engraving was counterfeit
ed beyong recognition. It was done. So
was I. Now what could I do ?. Had
Sue been willing I could have schemed
forty devices. Put she relished the dish,
and would never co-operate. WeddiDg
day came. I must' take a young lady on
the word of herself or her parents.
"Well," said I, mentally ,'so I get
one of the girls, my object will be accom
plished." ' .
The ceremony was performed before
an immense throng, in the largest church
in the city.. The bridal, dress, fortunate
ly, enabled me to adhere to one. Con
gratulations being over, my bride and I
journeyed-to Niagara, and inspected sev
eral Canadian cities and towns.
"Ah !" said I, loveingly to my wife,
"Sue, darling, I will know you now."
"How?"' said she. "By the diamond.
ring," replied I. "Don't be too sure,
Clarence." "Ah," laughed I, "Hannah
will not annoy me any further." But
alafor our earthly hopes. My beloved
told her sister the name of the New York
importer, and on our return a small hand
was proffered, on which was a fac simile
of the bridal gift. She now went to her
room, and attiring herself in one of the
twin garbs, I -was again unable to recog
nize my own wife.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, business
suddenly called me to New Orleans.
While there my treasure died. I was
grieved, yet from the fact that Hannah
lived, my agony was but temporary. I
returned two weeks after the funeral.
My sister-in-law wore neither betrothal
nor diamond rings. There was nothing
to be gained by it, and they were laid
aside. My friends, I am oxtremely sen
sitive ; a mere child ; yet believe me
when I tell you the presence of", Hannah
was a perfect and speedy restorative. It
was impossible for me to weep. Was she
not the same as Sue in all respects ?
True, when I saw the family sad, I was
troubled ; but only -on account of their
grief. I had none of my own. -. All that
I loved was an exact duplicate, and that
moved before as of yore. Yes, I confess
that no husband ever suffered less.
In eighteen months I stood in the
same church, and it seemed before the
same concourse. As Hannah was given
to me in the holy state of matrimony, it
appeared that. I was enacting a farce and
re-marrying my own wife !
The following neecunt of a perilous
adventure with Indians is from the Osage
(Kansas) VhronUJe of '.June 2Cth. The
Schuyler?; whose gallant conduct and
wonderful escape are here recorded "are
brothers of P. C- Schuyler. Jri. Esci.. of
Portland : : I
On Monday evening Governor Harvey
arrived in our town, bringing the news
c;f the late attack of the Cheyenne Indi
ans upon Col. Greeuwood's surveying
party. Knowing that our young feflow
lowusman, Howard Schuyler, had charge
of one of the corps of that party of which
his youuger brother James was a member,
both .sons of Judge P. C. Schuyler, con
siderable anxiety was felt as to the result
of the attack. The stage that same even
ing bjrought the additional news thatbolh
Howard and James Schuyler were woun
ded. Next morning Fred. Schuyler
started for Sheridan to learn the worst.
At this writing he his not returned, but
from other sources we learn the following
The surveying party were out some
fifteen miles west of Sheridan on last
Saturday morning. Howard and James
Schuyler were some wayi in advance of
the maiu party wheu suddenly and unex
pectedly a large number of whooping,
yelling red devils arose from the grass,
surrounding each oue of the boys sepa
rately. A most desperate hand to hand
fight ensued, in which James was very
severely wounded. Thrilling and dan
gerous in the extreme, as was the position
of these brothers, yet they displayed
such coolness and bravery that their
courage can only be described as "heroic."
Alone upon the prairie, twenty miles away
from aid, surrouuded by yelling, blood
thirsty demons, we find uothingbut ad
miration iu our minds for the conduct of
our friends. The fi;ht became a run
ning one in which the Dog Soldiers
discharged their deadly missies from gun
and bow so thick, that the "fortune that
favors the brave" could only have pre
served their lives. JNo lines ot lomanee
could be more thrilling than'the descrip
tion-we heard of Howards race for hie
Having left his revolver in earup he had
only an eight shooting rifle, and as ' they
pressed upon his fleeing and wounded
horse he would turn in his saddle and
fire, and at each successive pull of the
trijrjrcr a brave would bite the dust. ,A
big chief riding along side of him dis
charged five shots into Howard's clothing
and horse then Hearing him exclaimed,
"Ugh, you come off." Howard answered,
"Ugh ! you come off," at the same time
shoviug the end of his rifle againstbe In
dian's breast, and the contents with a
flash, sent the soul of the screeching devil
to the.bourne where may the rest of
them soon follow. So did our brave,
nob e young fr'end continue to fire unlil
five of his relentless persuers had uttered
their last whoop. One ball was lodged
in the stock of Howard's carbine, another
iu rhe heel of his boot, and wonderful as
it may seem, he received but two or three
slight flesh wounds. The race was kept
up until they reached their friends, when
one of their horses sunk down exhust
ed aud bleeding. Jimmy was taken in
to Sheridan, his wounds were properly
cared for.-and whence he will come home
as soon as able, when our citizens may
hear from his own lips the recounting of
the perils of that morning in which he
and his brother displayed a manly and
uoble courage than the histories of Indi
an wars give few more startling.
There are a good many persons in this
city, says the New Orleans 1'u-ayune,
j who are well acquainted with' Sergeant
II., late an officer of the police. Always
genial and pleasant, the sergeant was an
invaluable friend of the reporters, and
afforded them many a morsel of social
gossip, not unfreqnently figuring con
spicuously in it -: himself. "The sergeant
was widely known over the city, and par
ticularly in the Second District, the thea
ter, for a long time, of his official duties.
While on duty there, he one day rescued
a damsel from the flood on Canal etreet,
by grasping her by the chignon, and
pulling her from the gutter, into which
she had accidentally fallen by reason of
an overflowed banquet. A few evenings
since ho was inquired for by a female
deeply veilttd,who, on being shown to
his presence, inquired
"Arc you Sergeant II., late of the po
'Yes, mrdam," courteously replied the
"You once Tescued a young lady from
an overflowed gutter on Canal street, by
pulling her out by her chignon ?"
"Yes, ma'am, I had that pleasure."
"The chignon came off in the struggle?"
"Yes, I believe it did!" quite inter
ested in te colloquy.
. "And was not returned to the lady ?"
"Indeed, I had forgotten about that."
"You retain it as a trophy, and I un
derstand have exhibited it as such ?"
"Oh, madam, impossible 1"
"It is true, sir. I have now come to
demand it." '
"But I haven't got it."
"Oh, yes, you have." ('
"Indeed, indeed !" protested ' the ex
"Stop," sternly enjoined the lady ;
protestations are useless. In that chig
non was an old sock ; in that old sock
was concealed a paper ; and that paper
"What?" fairly screamed the sergeant
"A bank check for $10,000 !"
"Oh !" groaned the sergeant.
0 "There's no use mincing matter!. You
must eit? er produce the chignon or
marry me !"
"But I haven't got the chignon, and I
am married already !" exclaimed the
sorely troubled sergeant.
The young lady paused for a moment
in deep thought, and then, raising her
head as a bright thought seemed to occur
to her, said : ,
"Sergeant, can't you say you loaned it
to some nice young man whom -I can
scare into marrying me ?"
The sergeant, much relieved, said he
didn't know, but he'd try, and his un
known visitant departed as mysteriously
as she came.
Since the above was put in type Fred.
Schuyler returned, bringing additional
data and corrections to the above, but
nothing that in the least detracts from
the brilliancy of the adventure. It ap
pears that Howard was alone some three
miles in advance of his party. Seeing
a largo number of ponies, which he took
to be wild, in the distance, he rode up
toward them, when from. fifty to sixty In
dians sprang up all around him. Be
lieving that there remained no show for
his life he instantly resolved to make it a
costly prize to his enemies, and before
they were able to discern his resolve he
had shot two of them dead in their tracks.
In the precipitate flight and fight of
three miles back to his party he killed
two more. The surveying party were
afoot, and still some three miles from
their wagons. James Schuyler received
his wound in the retreat to camp. After
reaching the wagons, Hod. again turned,
laid his gun across a wagdn wheel and
brought down the fifth Indian. The In
dians followed the' whole party fifteen
miles back to Sheridan. James Schuy
ler is now at Topeka and doing well.
Other than these items the statement first
written is substantially correct.
If you want bone and large develop
ment of red flesh in your hogs, give
them as good pasture through the Sum
mer as your beeves have. It costs less
every way to make a big hog weigh , 500
by Christmas than to get two small swine
up to 250 apiece.
A Josh Billings Paper. The
mind of the young iz easily trained ; it
iz hard work to gijj an old hop-vine to
clime a new pole.
Just in proportion that a man is thank
ful to heaven and his naber, just in that
proportion is he happy.
A man should learn to be agood ser
vant to himself before he is fit to boss
others. . ,
The more exalted our stashun, the
more conspicuous our virtews ; just as a
rich satin adds to the briliancy of a
Bteessed are the single, for they can
double at their leisure, w
If you want tew learn a child to steal-
oats in the bundle, make him beg out of
you every thing that you give him. ; ' .- J
There is' nothing so difficult , tor the
best of us az to git the approval of our
own conscience. :
Blessed is he who can pocket abuse
and feel that it iz no disgrace to be bit
by a dog. ' . -
Punishment tew hit the spot should be
few, but red hot. .
Hapynee concists in bein perf ecktly
8atisfied'with wat we have got, and wat
we haint got.
: The State Board of Agriculture (Cal.),
have decided that the next State Fair
commence on the 6th of September next,
to last six days,, ane have appropriated
the sum of 812,000 for premiums and
38,000 for other purposes.
Is twenty the score of the opera ?
Is snoring sheet music ? ."
Are twenty-four sheets of music neces
sary for a choir ?
Do the ineffectual efforts of a man to
lift a barrel of sugar come under the head
of sweet strains ?
What does the musical scale weigh ?
Are the fingers hand organs ?
A Friendly 1 suit A Quaker's dress.
A stamp act Treading on people's
toes. - .-,' ".'.''. '
How to stick to your oath Senear by
gum.. . ',.,-'' -i
Wlia,! the most enlightened nation ?
The Markets Ladies' hair has an up
ward tendency. -
A sweet sight -A pair of lovers chew
ing taffy in a theatre.
Sweetening one's coffee is generally the
first stirring event of tho day. .
Stockings are now darned by machin
ery, and they are darned nice.
vvhy should a wood-cutter never be
hungry ? Because he can always have a
chop by axing.
Can a civil engineer inform us how ft
is that the mouths of livers are larger
than their heads X
A wag of a boarder complained to tha
mistress that the sun must have goae
under a cloud when the shadow of the
chicken fell into the pot where her broth
was made.- - .-; -'-" -
"An inebriated man walking along the
street regarded the moon with sovereign,
contempt. "You needn't be so proud,
ole fellow," he said. "You're full only
once a month, while I am full every
, A New York cook recently give no ice
to the family in which she is employed,
that she had made up her mind to .go to
Newport this summer, and it the family
will go there she will stay with them ;
otherwise she must leave !
A handsome young bride was observed
to be in deep reflection on her wedding
day. Gnc t f her bridesmaids asked her
the subject of her meditations. "I was
thinking," she replied, "which of "my
old beaux I should marry if I should
become a widow." -
A cockney, who went out rabbit-
shooting, observing a donkey peeping
over a hedge", immediately leveled his
piece, exclaiming : " By Jove ! that
must be the father of all rabbits."
"Well, miss," said a knight of the
birchen Tod,, "can you decline a kiss 2"
"Yes, sir," replied the girl, dropping a
perplexed courtesy, "but I'd rather not."
Hans. Wachenhnsen, the German fen-
illetonist, says, in a recent article, that j
a certain Miss Arabella sold, at a fair in i
New York, 3,000 kisses for a dollar each..
We heard a good story the other night
of two persons engaged in a duel. After
the first fire one of the seconds proposed'
that they should shake hands and make
up. The other second said he saw no
necessity for that, for , their hands had:
been shaking ever since they began.
Mr. Burlingame's two balls in Paris,
cost the Emperor of China $20,000. r
In San Francisco there have been re
turned ninety-two incomes in excess o
. Paper petticoats are now sold in Loo-'
don at sixpence each. Shoes are made
of the same material. .. . i i
When did Moser sleep five in a bed t
When he slept with hia forefathers. '
At Tacubaya, Mexico, recently, two
young and pretty women fought a duel
with pistols, and one was seriously
wounded. Love was at the bottom of
f" T. Barn um is said to be worth ono
King William, of Prussia, is seventy
two years old, and reads without the aid
of spectacles. ; f ''.:'. r';
The other day, Mrs. Sarah Cook, of
Fall river; Massachusetts, died, aged 108.
Of the 2,000 varieties of peas,' only 70
or 80 are considered of any value.
Fifteen hundred eggs were accidentally
broken in front of the Batavia (N. Y.)
Post Office not long since, and the Presi
dent' of the Tillage had to spread a barrel
of coal tar over the street and then set "
fire to it, to destroy the smell of . bad -eggs.