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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (May 10, 1908)
TIIE SUNDAY OREGOXIAN. PORTLAND, MAY 10, 1908. WHEN WO )3IM W4.SIT MFmmiL fmb A RESCUE AS TOID IN THE IAN&UA6-E OF PROFESSOR, c5HORTY MS CAB E YOU heard somethin about it, eh? Well, long's they didn't get our pictures In the evenin' papers with a diagram of how it happened, we're beln' let oft easy. And I ain't nursln' any grouch, either. It -wasn't a case of somethin' comin' along: that couldn't be dodged. It looked like I went out and hunted for this. You see, since I put the studio on summer schedule I've. been pikin' for Primrose Park every Saturday about noon, to see if me estate out there's grown any durin' the week. Well, the last time I docs It, I drops off about two stations too soon, thinkln' a little out door legwork would do me good. It was a grand scheme, and I'd been all right if I'd followed the trolley track aiong the post road, but the gasoline carts were so thick, and I got to breathing so much gravel, that I switches off.. I takes a nice lookln' lane that appears like it might bring me out somewhere near the place I was headin' for, but as I ain't much oh ftndin' my way where they don't .have sign boards at the corners, the 'first thing I knows I've made so many turns I don't know whether I'm goin' out or comin' back. It was while I was doin' the stray act, and wonderln' If it was goin' to shower, or was only Just bluffln', that I bumps into this Jncubator bunch, and the performance begins. First squint I took I thought somebody'd been settln' out a new kind of shrub bery, and then I sized It up for a lot of umbrella Jars that had been dumped there. But pretty soon I sees that It's nothin' but a double row of kids, all dressed the same. There muse have been more'n a hundred of 'em, and they was standln' quiet by the side of the road. Just as much to home as if that was where they belonged. Now, It ain't the reg'lar thing to find any such aggregation as that on a back lane, and If I'd had as much sense as a fam'ly horse In a carryall I'd shied and rambled the other way. But I has to get curious to see what it's all about, so I blazes ahead, flgurin' on tak in' a good look as I goes by. At the head of the procession was a lady and gent, holdln' some kind of ex ercises, and as I comes-up I notices somethin' familiar about the lady's back hair. She turns around Just then, gives a little squeal, and makes for me with both hands out. Sure, It was her Sadie Sullivan, that was. Well, I knew that Sadie was liable to be float in' around nnywhere in Westchester County, for that seems to be her regular stampin' ground since she got to travelin' with the country-house set; but I wasn't look in' to run across her Just then and in that company. "Oh. Shorty!" says she. "you're a life saver! I've half a mind to hug you right here." "If It wa'n't for givln' an exhibition," says I, "I'd lend you the other half. But how does the life-savin' come in? And whrre'd you collect so many kids all of a size? Is that pop. there?" And I Jerks me thumb at the gent. "Come over and we'll tell you all about it," says Sadie. "Captain Kenwoodie. I want you to know my friend Professor MoCabe. Shorty, this is Captain Sir Hunter Kenwoodie, of the British war offlre." "Woodle," says I, "how goes It?" "Chawmed to meet you, I'm suah," says he. "Oh, Bplash!" says I. "You don't mean It?" Well, say! he was a star. His get up was somethin' between that of a mounted cop and the leader of a Hungarian band, and he was as stiff as if he'd been dipped in the glue pot the day before. I'd heard somethin' about him from Pinckney. He'd drawn plans and specifi cations for a new forage cap for the British army, and on the strength of that he'd been sent over to the States to Inspect belt buckles, or somethin' of the kind. Talk about you're cinch Jobs! those are the lads that can pull 'em out. On his off days and he had five or six a week Woodie'd been ornamentin' the top of tallyhos. and restln' up at such FALLACY OF LEGAL PROHIBITION The Only Cure for Intemperance Is a Remedy That Makes Men Morally Better. BY W. A. CUSICK. IN view of the fact that the people of Oregon will soon have an opportunity to express their views on prohibition t the ballot box, it becomes every friend and advocate of the best Interests of so ciety to take a calm and dispassionate view of the subject, guided by the his tory of facts as they relate to the sub ject, unbiased by undue enthusiasm, emo tionalism and Phardlsalsm with which they may come in contact. As rational beings we should study the results of sim ilar efforts in the past, and profit by the experience of those who have lived before us, and if previous efforts have been barren of good results, search for the cause of failure and seek a more efficient remedy. The enthusiastic superficial observer will often mistake symptoms for disease, re sults for cause, and Is thereby led to erroneous conclusions as to the remedy to be applied. A prescription based on In correct diagnosis can prove curative only by fortunate accident In searching for a first cause, then, let us get back to the beginning and premise by expressing the belief that lr every normally constituted infant brain there are the germinal prin ciples of mind and conscience. All the permanent attributes of the adult are germinal or embryonic In Infancy. The Intellect may develop within certain lim its, from ideas acquired by men of obser vation, but conscience, the basis of morals, must receive Its primary impulse by being warmed into active growth. In the sunlight of a mother's love and tender guidance, fortified by the sacred In fluences of home and fireside. If these vivifying Influences are withheld during Infancy and early childhood, the germ of conscience Is absorbed and rendered Incapable of development afterward, and a moral monstrosity is thus thrust upon the world. The savage Indian is an Illustration of this primary neglect. We may make a material Illustration of this idea; by sup posing an Infant, physically perfect, to have one limb so secured as to render It perfectly passive. The devolopment of the limb soon becomes embarrassed and ultimately ceases to make progress. The vital principle which presides over phy sical development has been balked and thwarted until It becomes extinct, or ceases to make further effort, demon strating the fact that mentally, morally and physically our progress depends on carefully nursing the original basic vital principle and is, therefore, a subject of education by proper culture and disci pline, not a question of temporal law. It Is my purpose to Impress the thought that it is principally a question of de fective moral training during the early years of life which constitutes thai cause of drunkenness and its concomitant, and that the primary lesson must be given and impressions made of a salutary na Tw,wtJ.kijmu,g,jvi.iii,i,: V J "OH, SHORTYI" SAYS SHE, places as Rocky wold and Apawamls Arms. ,. Seems like he'd discovered Sadie, too, and had booked himself for her steady company. From her story It looked like they'd been takin' a little drive around the country, when they ran up against this crowd of kids in checked dresses from the incubator home. There was a couple of nurses herdin' the bunch, and they'd all been sent up the sound on an excursion barge, for one of these fresh air blowouts that always seem like an in vitation for trouble. Everything had gone lovely until the chowder barge had got mixed up with a tow of coal scows and got bumped so hard that she sprung a leak. There hadn't been any great danger, but the excitement came along in chunks. The crew had run the barge ashore and landed the whole crowd, but in the mixup one of the women had backed oft the gang plank Into three feet of water and the other had sprained an ankle. The pair of 'em was all to the bad when Sadie and the Cap came along and found 'em tryin' to lead their flock to the near est railroad station. Course, Sadie had plied right out, loaded the nurses into the carriage, telllin' the driver to find the next place where the cars stopped and come back after, the kids with all the buggies he could find, while she and Woodie stood by to see that the incubators didn't stampede and get scattered all over the lot. "So, here we are," says Sadie, "with all these children, and a shower coming up. Now, what shall we do and where shall we go?" "Say." says I. "I may look like an In formation bureau, but I don't feel the part." Sadie couldn't got it through her head ture must occur sufficiently early, other wise the opportunity Is lost and the char acter may be formed on another and un desirable plan. Then comes the school and church in fluences and teachings to complete the evolution of the normal intellectual and moral man. Nevertheless It must occur to us that In our schools as ordinarily conducted, moral expansion Is too often lost sight of In the race for purely in tellectual acquirements, and In conse quence many brilliant minds show an alarming lack of moral ballasting in fluence in after years of life. How many can truthfully say: "In the hour of temptation I was saved by the recollection of a mother's prayers, and a father's precepts and example and the sacred influences of the home, exerted in my early life?" And how many have fallen In consequence of r. lack of these early salutary Influences? The only cure for Intemperance is a remedy that makes men morally better; that makes men Just from love of the principles of Justice. Law will not lo this. That an appeal to the law must, in the near future, as in the past, prove a failure, seems evident for the following reasons: It Is based on a misapprehen sion of the laws which govern the in tellectual and moral forces of men. Law does not convince nor convert; It ex erts no vivifying nor awakening influ ence on the better side of human na ture or the finer attributes of the human soul, hence it fails to control the appe tite, or cure dipso-mania, or prevent the acquisition of t)tt affliction. The writer has known mer.y persons to reform who had acquired the habit of excessive use of Intoxicants, some through the per suasion and influence of friends, some on account of home and family, and others who realized where it was leading, but he has never yet known reformation to result from prohibitory laws. Prohibition laws deny your right to maintain an Individuality. Is there a greater piece of Impudence conceivable than for another to say to me: "Should you presume to take a certain article of food or drink into your stomach I will punish you for so doing with heavy penalties." Am I not as much interested In my own behalf as he? Am I not as conversant with my necessities? Every self-respecting person must surely feel a repugnance, contempt, and even indig nation for such meddlesome self-constituted censorship. Every enlightened person has the conviction within his breast, that he is endowed with certain inherent, original God-gjyen rights which must ever remain outside the domain of Legislative authority. To say "You shall" or "shall - not" always arouses antagonism and resentment. No man worthy of the name will allow himself to be so coerced. He may . be persuaded by reason and kindly Interest, but driven, never. Consequently coercive laws which ua '" . H ) . "YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER!" though, that I wasn't a Johnny-on-the-spot. Because I'd bought a place some where in the county she thought I could draw a map of the state with my eyes shut. "We ought to start right away," says she. She was more or less of a prophet too. That thunder storm was gettin' busy over on Long Island, and there was every chance of Its comin' our way. It let loose a good hard crack, and the Eng lishman began to look worried. "Aw, I say now!" says he, "hadn't I better Jog off and hurry up that bloomin' coachman?" "All right, run along," says Sadie. You should have seen the start of that run. He got under way like a man on stilts, and he was about as limber as a pair of fire-tongs. But then, them leather cuffs on his legs, and the way his coat hugged the small of his back, wa'n't any help. I was enjoyln'. his motions so much that I hadn't paid any attention to the kids, and I guess Sadie hadn't, either; but the first we knows .they alt falls In behind, two by two, hand in hand, and goes trottin along behind him. "Stop 'em! Stop "em!" says Sadie. "Whoa! - Cheese It! Come back here!" I yells. They didn't give us any more notice, though, than as If we'd been holdln our breath. The head pair had their eyes glued on the Captain. They were the leaders, and the rest followed like they'd been tied together with a rope. They was all girls, and I guess they'd average about 5 years old. I thought at first they all had on aprons, but now I sees that every last one of 'em was wearin' a life preserver. They'd tied the things on af ter the bump, and I suppose the nurses had been too rattled to take 'em off since. Maybe it wa'n't a sight to see them bob bin' up and down! In effect deny his moral responsibility will continue impossible of enforcement. The mania for perpetual enactment of laws, and still more laws,' Is the curse of our times, arid goes far to explain why so little respect and attention Is paid to any laws. If these enthusiastic reformers could come to some sort of a common sense understanding of human nature, they might vary their method of attack, on the "demon" by enacting a law re quiring, under heavy penalties, that every man. woman and child should get comfortably full of whisky every 24 hours. This would stir up a rebellion against alcoholic beverages, and give such a black eye to the "traffic" as It has not received in 50 years of effort by the old method of "how not to do it." The traffic in, and use of, alcoholic beverages may be brought under control, like our President Is striving to do with certain trusts, but it will continue to ex ist, notwithstanding all legal enactments of sporadic ebullitions of "reform." It is the history of mankind, and will con tinue for ages to come, and when It does cease, it will not be by force of law, but because humanity has attained a higher intellectual and moral level than it oc cupies at the present time. If this phase of moral reform can be accomplished by M-pyem to legal enactment, wny don t these professional reformers give us a law so broad and comprehensive as to cure all moral derelictions and Binful tendencies which afflict Adam's degen erate posterity, and thereby insure a millenlal era on passage of the bill? If mbral reform is so purely a question of law, why not cover the whole ground, and thereby give the world a generation so morally pure as to be fit inhabitants for the Celestial Kingdom? Indeed it ought to prove an adjunct, if not a substitute for the original plan of salvation. That this thought is not extravagant Is evi denced by the fact that many ministers leave their pulpits during every campaign to make stump speeches, and by their acts at least turning away from the bible teaching of regeneration through the efficacy of the blood of Christ. nd oil for the Irrational and absurd plea for -"crnofltiit! 1 . .. ... .luLiuiiot ttunsuuuieut, iorgetting that law never convinces nor converts, and that coercive reformation la at vari ance with human nature, and in conse quence has been a dismal failure since humanity has had a history. The absolute impotency of legal pro hibition Is well illustrated by Profes sor Beck In his work on Materia Med ica. In discussing tobacco, which was introduced into England by Sir Francis Drake. King James I of England is sued the first formal mandate Interdict ing the weed in his domain. To restrain the cultivation of tobacco In Virginia, and prevent its exportation to England several arbitrary measures were at tempted during the reign of James I. Following this effort the Popes Urban III 'nJj Woodie, he looks around and sees what's comin after him, and waves for 'em to go back. Not much! They stops when he stops, but when he starts again they're right after him. He unlimbers a little and tries to break away, but the kids Jumps into the double-quick and hangs to him. I knew what was up then. They'd sized him up for a cop, and cops was what they was used to. You've seen those lines of Home kids bein' possed across the street by the traffic squad? Well, havfn' lost their nurses, and not seein' anything familiar-lookln' about Sadie or me, they'd made up their minds that Woodie was it. They meant to stick to him until somethin' better showed up. Once I got this through my nut, I makes a- sprint to the head of the column and gets a grip on the Cap. "See here, . Woodie!" says I, "you're elected! You'll have to stay by the kids until relieved. They've adopted you." "Aw, I say now," says he. "this is too beastly absurd, y'know. It's a bore. Why, if I don't find some place or other very soon I'll get a wetting." "You can't go anywhere without those kids," says I; "so come along back with us. We need you in our business." He didn't like it a little bit, for he'd figured on shakin- the bunch of us; but he had to go, and the procession did a snake movement there in the road that would have done credit to the Seventh Regiment. I'd been lookln' around for a place to make for. Off over the trees toward the Sound was a flagpole that I reckoned stood on some kind of a buildln', and there was a road runnln' that way. "We'll mosey down toward that," says I; "but we could make better time, Cap'n If you'd get your party down to light-weight marchln' order. Supposa you give the command for them to shed them cork jackets." "Why, really, now," says he, lookln' over the crowd kind of helpless. "I haven't the faintest idea how to do It, y'know." "Well, it's up to you," says I. "Make a speech to 'em." Say, that was the dopiest bunch of kids I ever saw. They acted like they wasn't more'n half alive, standln' there in pains, as quiet as sheep, waitin' for the word. But that's the way they bring 'em up in these Homes, like so many machines, and they didn't know how to act any other way. Sadie saw it, and dropped down on her knees to gather In as many as she could get her arms around. "Oh, you poor little wretches!" says she, beginnin' to sniffle. "Cut it out, Sadie!' says I. "There ain't any time for that. Unbuckle them belts. Turn to, Cap, and get on the Job. You're in this." As soon as Woodie showed 'em what was wanted, though, they skinned them selves out of those canvas sinkers in no time at all. We left the truck in the road, and with the English gent for drum major, Sadie in the middle; and me play In' snapper on the end, we starts for the flagpole. I thought maybe it might be a hotel; but when we got where the road opened out of the woods to show us how near the Sound we was, I sees that it's a yacht club, with a lot of flags flyln' and a whole bunch of boats anchored off. About then we felt the first wet spots. 'They've got to take us into that club house," says Sadie. We'd got as far as the gates, one of these fancy kind, with a hood top over the posts, like the roof of a Summer house, when the sprinkler was turned on In earnest. Woodie was gettin' rain drops on his new uniform, and he didn't like it. "I'll stajdiere," says he, and bolts un der cover. The Incubator kids swung like they was on a pivot, and piles In after him. There wasn't anything to do then but stop under the gate, eeein' as the club house was a hundred yards or so off. I snaked Woodie out, though, and made him help me range the youngsters under the middle of the roof; and when we'd gpt 'em packed In four deep, with Saflie In, too, there wa'n't an Inch of room for either of us left. And was It rainln"? Wow! You'd though four eights had been rung in and all the water-towers In New York was turned loose on us. And the thunder kept and Innocent XII both Issued edicts of excommunication against all who used either snuff or tobacco. By some of the Swiss cantons smoking was con sidered a crime second only to adultery, and to cap the climax of severity against the plant. Amurath IV made the use of tobacco a crime punishable with death. Here we have legal prohibition "with the bark on," and emanating from au tocratic sources, the violation of which meant death, with purgatory to follow. Still, in the face of all these efforts at legal prohibition. Professor Beck tells us that "the fragrant weed flourished, and loyal subjects, devout Christians, sturdy Republicans, and slavish-Asiatics all resisted the law and yielded to the influence of tobacco." And as an evidence of the lasting salutary effects of these prohibitions, the professor elo quently, declares that "You And it in the palace and the poorhouse; In the stately mansion and in the humble cot tage. The lonely exile solaces his weary hours with it. The Joyous free woman exults In Its Influence. 'Wher ever man is found, its influence Is ac knowledged. The citizen whiffs his perfumed cigar, the poor man smokes his sooty pipe. You And it on the mountain-top and in the low valley, on the land and on the broad expanse of ocean. In the glittering halls of Paris and in the dark mines of Pennsylvania around the snows of the north and under the burning tropics. In ' battle and In peace, in storm and In calm In wealth and in poverty, in sickness and in health, the King and his subject, the master and his slave, youth, manhood and old age, all, all, resist the law and bow to the magic Influence of tobacco " Such encouraging precedents ought surely to give a powerful impetus to moral reform by turning the crank of legislation and grinding out more pro hibitory laws. The zeal of .Prohibitionists might be turned to good account if they could come to the understanding, that to build on the solid foundation of char acter gives the only hope of success and a sedulous guardianship and guidance of the mind and moral evolution of every child in the Nation, in early life when the foundation of the character of the future man Is being laid. Forty or 50 yeans ago, parents controlled their chil dren; now children as a rule, control their parents, which explains many of .the faulty and weak places In our social life Those who refuse to recognize and rem edy except appeal to law, might do a good, practical, sensible work by massing their forces on delinquent municipal of ficials and force them to wipe the North End and Whitechapel dives from the face of the earth: by withholding license from, and revoking such as have been Is sued, and bringing such reprobates and law breakers as infest such places Into court, and administering prompt and se vere punishment. This is practicable. But laws, though . piled mountain high, will never prove acure for the morally weak and degenerate of our race. The prescription is formulated on wrong prem ise. Salem, Or., April 23. dr.. MlVo- -- JS -S! -Sis :": m Z it "CUT OUT THE SNIFFLES, SADIE," SAYS I. rlppin' and roarin"; and the chain-lightnln' streaked things up like the finish of one of Colonel Paine's exhibits. "Sing to them!" shouts Sadie. "It's the only way to keep them from being scared to death. Sing!" "Do you hear that, Woodie?" says I across the top of their heads. "Sing to 'em, you lobster!" The Captain was standln' Just on the other side of the bunch. He'd got the front half of him under cover, but there wasn't room for the rest; so It didn't do him much good, for the roof eaves was leakln" down the back of his neck at the rate of a gallon a minute. "Wnly fu-fu-fawney!" says he. "I don't fu-feel like singing, y'know." "Make a noise like you did, then," says I. "Come on, now!" "But really, I cawn't," says he. "I n-never sing, y'know." Say, that gave me the backache. "See here, Woodie," says I, lookln' as wicked as I knew how, "You sing or there'll be trouble! Hit 'er up, now!" That fetched him. He opened his face like he'd swallowed something bitter, made one or two false starts, and strikes up "God Save the King." J, didn't know the words to that, so I makes a stab at "Everybody Works but Father," and Sadie tackles somethin' else. For a trio that was the limit. The kids hadn't seemed to mind the thunder and lightnin' a whole lot, but when that three cornered symphony of ours Is cut loose they begins to look wild. Some of 'em was dlggin" their fists into" their eyes and preparin' to leak brine, when all of a sudden Woodie gets into his stride and lets go of three or four notes that sounded as if they might belong together. That seemed to cheer those youngsters up a lot. One or two pipes up, kind of scared and trembly.'but hangin' onto the tune, and the next thing we knew they was all at It, ivin' us "My Country 'Tis of Thee" In as fine shape as you'd want to hear. We quit then and listened. They followed up with a couple of good old hymns, and If I hadn't been afloat from my shoes up I might have enjoyed the programme. It was a good exhibition of nerve, too. Most kids of that size would WANTS ALL TAXES ABOLISHED Aould Go One Step Further Than Advocates of Single Tax. BY J. 1 JONES. THE single-taxers have the matter whittled down to a pretty fine point when they want to cut out all kinds of taxes but one. We go one step further and then jump off. We do not advocate the single tax, because we declare for the abolition of all taxes, both public and private. We do not accept any evils as in evitable, not even death or taxes. There would be no use to abolish death without abolishing taxes, for life would become Intolerable or quite impossible under their ever-Increasing burdens. There are two kinds of taxation, pri vate and public. Incomes arising from rents, interest, profits and dividends are taxed indirectly on the consumers in the prices of goods. Then we tax ourselves voluntarily to support a gov ernment to collect the private taxes which otherwise would never be paid at all. I regret that I have not at hand the figures showing the 'amounts of public and private Indebtedness, but we can guess within a few billion dollars of the totals and a few billions more or less is a trifling matter in such an enormous aggregate. Those who de sire the exact figures can find them in reference books and Government re ports. The debt of Great Britain alone is, I think, about $4,000,000,000 and the total amount of gold coin in the world is about 6,000,000,000. All the national debts amount to over 130,000,000,000. Then there are state, city and county debts. But the government debts are only a small item, compared with private debts, which include stocks, bonds, notes and mortgages. These must be about equal to, the total wealth of the country. In fact, according to the rules of bookkeeping in our frenzied financial system, all capitalized wealth is a debit as well as an asset. Suppose for instance that the whole capitalized wealth of the United States is $100,000,000,000. Instead of being $100,000,000,000 to the good, we are that much worse than nothing. It means that one part of us is in debt that much, to the other part of us. We are the people and the sheep of the pasture, but there Is a difference between we and us. Us is objective case, and until the identity of Interest between debtor and creditor is securely established the kind of pasture we get depends upon the case we are in. Among the many devices of Satan to bewilder the mind of man, double entry bookkeeping is certainly one of the most successful. It is really a sys tem of sorcery or black magic. ' The books of a corporation can be made to 9 have gone up In the air and howled blue murder, but they didn't even show white around the gills. Inside of ten minutes it was all over. The shower had moved off up into Con necticut, whoro mayba it was wanted worse, and we got our heads together to map out the next act. Sadie had the say. She was for takin' the kids over to the Bwell yacht club there, and waitin' until the nurses or some one else came to take 'em off our hands. That suited me; but when It came to gettin' Captain Sir Hunter to march up front and set the pace, he made a strong kick. "Oh, by Jove, now!" says he, "I couldn't think of It. Why. I've been a guest here, y'know, and I might meet some of the fellows." "What luck!" says Sadie. "That'll be lovely if you do." "You come along. Woodie," says I. "We've got our orders." He might have been a stiff-Iookin' Eng lishman before, but he was limp enough now. He looked like a linen collar that had been through the wash and hadn't reached the starch tub. His coat tails was still drlppin' water, and when he walked It sounded like some one was moppln' up a marbje flobr. . "Only fancy what they'll think!" he kept sayln' to himself as we got under way. "They'll take you for an anti-race sui cide club." says I; "so brace up." We hadn't more'n struck the clubhouse porch, and the steward had rushed out to drive us away, when Sadie gives an other one of them squeals that means she's sighted something good. "Oh, there's the Dixie Girl!" says she. "You must hace 'em bad," says I. "I don't see any girl." j "The yacht!'' says she, polntm' out to the end of the dock. "That big white one. It's Mrs. Brinley Cubb's Dixie Girl. You wait here until I see If she's aboard," and off she goes. So we lined up In front to wait, the Incubators never takin' their eyes off'n Woodie. and him as pink as a sportln' extra and sayln' things under his breath. Every time he took a hitch sideways the whole line dressed. All hands from the show anything, and their showings are as unintelligible to the common mind as the utterances of the Delphic ora cle. None but an expert can tell whether the bookkeeping Is right or not, and none but another expert can tell whether the first one is right or not, and when they . differ among them selves, it is like a row among lawyers or theologians or cats; no one on the outside can make head or tail of it or tell what it is about. Suppose a stock company starts In business with a capital of $1,000,000. The first thins the bookkeeper does on opening the books Is to make the entry that the company is in debt for stock $1,000,000. This Is where the jugglery commences. This means that the company, instead of being $1,030, 000 ahead is $1,000,000 in debt to itself. This Is the Joker that Tom Lawson neglected to pull out from the pack when he made his great exposures. The object of this entry is to tax the public (that is us in the objective case) with the interest on the $1,300, 000. If a city lot is capitalized at $1,D00, 000, this means that the public (that is us again) is taxed to pay interest on a million to the owner. The value of city lots or of mines or any kind of property can be watered or Inflated with hot air Just as effectually as railroad stocks can be contracted or expanded. Stocks were originally con trivances in which the legs of crim inals were stuck. We are all convicts and criminals now and our legs are pulled by the stock jobbers till soon we won't have a leg to stand on. This would be very lamentable only that it Is so exquisitely ridiculous that the vic tims themselves would die laughing If they understood the nature of the game. Let us suppose all the wealth of the United States to be concentrated in the possession of one great corporation. This should not be a great strain on the imagination, for we are well on the way to this blessed consummation. More than 40,000,000 of the people are knocked out of the game already. Their names are blotted from the great book known as the assessment roll. Let us suppose this great corpora tion, we will call it Robb, Steele & Co., to be worth $100,000,300,000 and all the rest of the people worth nothing. Now, according to the theory of double-entry bookkeeping, Robb. Steele & Co. are $103,000,000,000 in debt to themselves, of course. This Is an honest debt. There is no doubt about that, but it is so great they never can hope to pay it, and the next best thing they can do is to collect the Interest on It every year off the people. This is easy, as the people are all working for the company and purchas ing their supplies from company stores. The company can arrange the prices & mm i club turned out to see the show, and the rockin' -chair skippers made funny cracks at us. "Ahoy the nursery!" says one guy. "Where you bound for?" "Ask popper," says L "He's got the tickets." Woodie kept his face turned and his Jaw shut, and if he- had any friends In. the crowd I guess they didn't spot him. I'll bet he wan't sorry when Sadie shows up on deck and waves for us to come on. Mrs. Brinley Cubbs was there, all right. She was a tall, loppy kind of female, ready to gush over anything. As well as I could size up the game, she was one of the near-swells, with plenty of gilt but not enough sense to use it right. Her feelln's were in, good workin' order though, and she was wlllin' to listen to any programme that Sadie had on hand. "Bring the little dears right aboard," says she. "and we'll have them home be fore dark. Why, Sir Hunter, is it really you?". . "I'm not altogether sure." says Woodie, "whether It's I or not," and he made a dive to get below. Well, say, that was a yacht and a half, that Dixie Girl! The inside of her was slicker'n any parlor car you ever saw. While they was gettin' up steam, and all the way down the East River, Mrs. Cubbs had the hired hands luggln' up everything eatable they could find, from chicken salad to Icecream, and we all took a hand passin' it out to that Incu bator bunch. They knew what grub was, yes, yes! There wasn't any holdln' back for an Imitation cop to give the signal. The way they did stow in good things that they'd probably never dreamed about be fore was enough to make a man wish he had John D.'s pile and Jake Riis" heart. I forgot all about bein' wet, and so did Woodie. To see him Jugglin' stacks of loaded plates you'd think he'd graduated from a ham- and factory. He seemed t like It, too, and he was wearin' what passes for a grin among the English aris tocracy. By the time we got to the dock at East Thirty-fourth street, there was more solid comfort and stomach-ache lit that cabin than It'll hold again In a thousand years. Sadie had me go ashore and telephone for two of them big rubber-nock wagons. That gave us time to get the sleepers) woke up and arrange 'em on the dock. Just as we was gettin' the last of the kids loaded In for thoir rido up to the home, a roundsman shows up with two cops. "Where do you kids belong?" he sings out With that there comes a howl, and the whole bunch yells: "Hot pertater cold termater alligator Rome! We're the girls from the Incubator Home! "Caught with the goods!" says he. turnln' to the cap'n and me. "You're arrested for wholesale kidnapin'. There's a general alarm out for youso." "Ah, back to the goats!" says T. "You don't think we look nutty enough to steal a whole orphan asylum, do you. Rounds?" "I wouldn't trust either of you alone with a brick block," says he. "And your side partner with the Salvation Army coat on looks like a yegg mar. to me." "Now will you be nice, cap?" says I. At this Sadie and Mrs. Cubbs tries to butt In, but that roundsman had a head, like a choppln' block. He said the two nurses had come to town and reported that they'd been held up in the woods and that all the kids had been swiped. As Woodie fitted one of the descriptions, we had to go to the station, that was all there was about It. And say. If the Sarge hadn't happened, to have been one of my old backers we'd have put In the night with the drunk and disorderlies. 'Course, when I tells mo little tale, the Sarge gives me the ha-ha and scratches our names off the book. We didn't lose any time either. In hittin , the studio, where there was a hot bath, and dry towels. But paste this la your Panama: Next time me and Woodie goes out to rescue the fatherless, we takes along our rain coats. We've shook hands on that. And It's all off between him and Sadlo. He's willln' to take oath thut she put up the job on him. (Copyright by Associated Sunday Maga zine, inc.) and wages so as to collect tho $5. 300.000.000 for interest and $20,000,r ('00.000 more for dividends. Then at the end of the first year the company will be worth $123,000, 000.000. and the people (that is us) still worth nothing. But now the com pany will be deeper In the hole than ever. They will be $125,030,000,000 in debt, and the people (that is us) will have to pay interest and dividends on the extra $25,000,000,000. Now it ought to be evident to even the dullest mind that the people pay off no part of the debt, but the more they pay the greater becomes the burden on which they must forever pay interest and dividends. Every billion they pay is added to the debt they have to carry. They only Increase the pile. It is like John Bunyan's burden of sin. It Is the greatest bunco game ever played on the dupes of the devil as a punishment for believing the father of liars and rejecting the counsels of truth. It reminds me of an old story that used to be in the school readers when I was a boy, about a tree that grew In the king's courtyard and whenever any one attempted to chop It down two chips immediately grew in the place of everyone that came out. So the king offered the princess and half the kingdom to whoever would cut down this infernal tree. Many came and tried, but the tree only grew bigger the more they chopped, so the king was ' obliged to make an order that whoever tried it and failed should have his cars clipped off and be placed on a desert Island to starve. But there was a panic in the country at the time and thousands had no work, and, as they had nothing to lose but their ears, they came to try their fortune till the desert was white with the bones of earless asses and still the tree grew bigger. At last a country boy named iac'iC discovered the tools that would cut down the tree. After he became king they stopped calling him Jack and changed his name to John. There is a tree of debt now that overshadows the whole world. Foul birds roost in its branches and human ity moulds and rots in its dark and gloomy shade. Whoever can destroy this evil tree will be a deliverer and a, hero. The kingdom will be his and he will forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. A Liesson in Grammar. "Can I have a piece of pie, mother?" "Say 'may I, Johnny," not 'can I." " "Well, mother, may I have a piece of pieT" "No, Johnny, you can't." LIppincott's. The eMimsted cost of a bridge over tb Straits of Dover is $34,000,000.
