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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (April 12, 1908)
to Till: S1Ti).Y OltKfiONIAX. rOIlTLANO. APRIL 12. 1908. SOMB FURTHER. ADVENTURES OF PROFESSOR SHORTY MS CADEr- IP SA V. I'm thtnkln' of litrm' a husky hey with a club o do the- turnkey act for m Or mybe I could get nut in injunction agiiitiM myself to keep me from le!n' home What I need I ft hfe sentence to stuy In little old Npw York Its the ont plnee where things happen reg'lsr and sensible. If you see l'vkp fly in' round In the sir, or a new htti'riin rio-n' the hooehee-koAchee an' fheddtn" Its cor ntces. or manhole cover poppln' eff. you know just what's up rothlng hut a little stick dynamite ban iHed care'ei, or some mfelit u gas tottt-hrd off by a plumber. Mut Uie minute I U tn some one lead me tos a ferry, or beyond The Bronx. I he event crtn! is on the blink, and I m bunk y -doodle- hoy. I inns' a I don't art more'n a mile from Forty-second street I'm Professor MWnhe. and the cops pass me t fie t imr of day. Outside of that I'm a stray, and any one that acta the tit tus a ran to me. No. 1 run me studio liere on the Mrntghl: no fortune-tcUtn on the side, no vibrn t ion frPN. no electric sttmula toi s. I can give "em all t ho vibration that's jtood for t'leir health with A pair ef hali-stuffed mitts. Hut for all that 1 ve been Ret tin' my name up na a bel fry -bru her, a hat -chaser. You couldn't guess who it was that steered me un against this last one. No. It wo n't John I, nor t'nele RiwseM: hut you're warm. it was Pyramid Gordon. Sure! He's on my list. I'd hud him a a rcg !r for about a month - Mondays. Wednesdays arid Saturdays, from R to s -and lie was just gettin' so he knew what real Itvln was, when somethtn' breaks Ioom down on tit street that makes him for pet everything hut the figures on thw tape So he units train in". About ten days later he drops In here, one after noon, with fur on Ms tongue, and his i ves looktn Ifke a couple of cold fried cgg. "A re j on com in' or go in", Mr. Gor ilon says I. "Where, Short V a a y a he. "Hospital." say I. IK grinned a little, the kind of grin a teller wears when he be in' helped to his corner, after the count. "I know.' says he; "but when you've boen sitting for two weeks on a vol -ca no. Shorty . wonder tn a whet her U won hi blow ou up or open and let you fall tn. you're apt to forget your liver." "It ain't apt to forget yon. thou ph." says I. "Shall we have a little session right now ?" And then he springs his proposition. I le d Rot to go to Washington and back tr.-ide of the next two breakfasts mill he wn n ted me t go a long ; some on account of his liver, but mostly so's lie could foraret that lie was still on the lid. His private car was hitched to the tall of the Flyer, and he had just forty-five minutes to get aboard. Would 1 come? "'If I'm wiped out by the time we get hack." says he, "Til make you a preferred oredt tor:" "I'll take chances on that." says I. They did do the trie k to pyramid once, you know, hut they'd never got Mm right since. They had him wor ried some this time, though. You could tell that by the way he smiled at the vron g cues, and combed his deacons wiCh his Angers. They're the only dea con whiskers I ever had in the studio. 1'sed to make me nervous when I hit cm. for fear I'd drive 'em In. Put he's dead game. Pyramid is. whether he's stoppin" mitts or buckin" the I'pnight Oil push. So I grabs a few things off ;tie whll. turns the joint over to Swtfty Joe, and we hikes for the ferry. "W here's the other part les ?" says I. when I'd sised up the inside of the A del inc. Tli ere was room enough for it minstrel troupe. "We're to have it all to ourselves, professor. says he. "And it's almost t ime for ns t pull out ; there's the last Oortland-Mreet boat In." About then -we hears Mr. Rufus Ras t us. the Congo brunette that's master of ceremonies on the car. bavin' an r t g ument ou t In the vestibule. !!- was tryln to shunt somebody. They didn't shunt, though, and in come? h long-gared old pent, wearin' one of t hoe halted ulsters that they make cut of horse"' blankets for English tour 1st.- He h td a dink cloth cap of the same pattern, and the lengthiest face 3 ever saw- or. a man. It wasn't a cheer ful face cither; looked like he was )' nr. tin for his own tombstone, and didn't care how soon ho found it. Ru fus Uastus was hangln' to one of his Arms, splutter in' things about this be ing a private ear, sn.1 gettin no more rots e taken of himself than as If he'd been a r. escape valve. Behind 'em. tot in' a lot of leather h.igs of all pin pes. was a peaked -nosed chap, who looked like he was doin' all the frettin' for a Don't Worry ritih. ' It s bonly S'r P-ter." says the wor r;ed oh a p. " "K s myde a mistyke. y Know. Hi'l! get im out. sir." "Par vers, shut up!" says Sir Peter. "Yes. sir. directly. sr; hut" says he. "Shut up row. and sit down!" Sir Vet.r wasnt scappy about it. He just s , i t it as thouph he was tired. But 1 p - vers w ilted. "S ! give em the run?" says I. ' .," sas Mr. Gordon; "there's the Vel We can gel i id of them at the r.rst stop." Then t.e goes o er to Sir Peter. tel!s i:n ali about t "e Adeline's be in a pri ,ite sr a p. and how he can change to a parlor car a t T r e n t o n . The o'd fe!K.w .cems to take It all 1-.. Kokm" hlni stra tgV.t l:i the eye, w i t , i o 1 1 1 t u r n i n " a hair, and then he s.i -j. ii: i ns if they'd been talkin about it for a month: "You'd better a bucket as ! do. It looks a l:t: ode!, you know; but the decimals can't get through A bucket. I-anvers!" he fi" out. "1 j; jou ilc n't understand," rays ! ru ul "l said this was a private r private, i ar!" fon t hout " sas Sir Feter. "I'm rot dtaf. Id lend you bucket if 1 lad .in vtr.i one; hut I l, a vent, Dan- eru '" This time Ia:ivera edged in with one of hoe sole-b ather --ases that an Eng lishman carries his plg hat In. lun't you thir:k. Sir peter " says he. "Yes; bet ou don't." says Sir Peter. Hurry on. now" And i II be welched if L'anvers didn t dig a wooden pail out of that hat case and hand it over. Sir Peter chucks (he cap. puts on the pall, rtropa th handle under his chin, and stretches out on a corner sofa as peaceful as A bench-duster In the park. "Iooks like he's arot his wheels all under rover." a a a 1, "(! re At scheme every man his own garage." "Who is he?" says Mr. tlordon to Tanvers. "I.rd. sir. you don't mean to syo you don't know Sir Pet-r, sir?" says !anvers "Why. ' Sir peter the Sir Peter. K's a hit heccrntr1c at times, sir." Well, we let it go At that. Sir Peter a-med to be enjoying himself: so we piles all the wicker chairs around him. opens the ventilators, and peels down for business. Kver try handball in a car that's be ing wnaked i.ver switches at fifty miles an hour? So far as looks went, we were .lust as batty a Sir Peter with h la wootlerv hat. W e caromed around like a ecu pie of al -spots In a dice- V t."'T"' fete LiJ "LOOKS I. IKK UK'S NOT IMS MIKKIS IMM:tt 4'OVKR, SWS I. box. and some of the footwork we did would have had a buck-ami-wftiff art ist crsay. We was using: a tennis ball, and when wed (ret In thre strokes without miss in a- we'd stop and shake hands. There wa'n't any more sense to it than to a musical comedy: but it r was maktn' Mr. Gordon forpet his trou- j hies, nnd it was doing: his liver a-ood. ! Panvers watched u from behind some ! chairs. lo looked disgusted. Hy the time we'd got half way arross Jersey we was ready for the batht ub. Ami say, that's the way to travel and stay at home, all to once. A private car for mine. While wc was puttin' on a polish with the Turkish towels, j Kufus Rastus was busy with the din- ! tier ! "Now. we'll have a not her talk with ; Sir Teter of the rtl.' says Mr. viordon. We took the barricade down, and ! found him just as we'd left him- Then j he an Pyramid jteta together: but It I was the wlxsiest brand of conversation ! I ever heard. You'd have thought they was tr-lUto' over the phone to the ; wrong number. Sir Peter would lis- ' ten to all Gordon had to say. just as if he was jrettin next to every ord. ( but bis come-backs didn't fit by a mile. ; "Sorry to disturb you.'' says Mr. Gor- J don; "but I'll have to ask you to change to a forward car next stop." P:r Fetor blinked his lamps at him ! a minute, and then he says: '"Yes. It keens the decimals out." and he taps ; the bucket, knowing like. "My own in- j vention. sir. Id advise you to try it I if the y ever bother you." , "Yes. I I! take your word for that." j says Mr. Gordon ; "but I'm afraid you'll ! have to be getting ready to move, j This Is try private car, you see." "They .i!was come point first." says Sir Teter: "that's how they set in. ! It's only the bucket that makes "em j Shy off." j Xh the deuce.' says Pyramid. "H-re. Shorty, you try your lurk with him" I "Pure." sayt T. ' I've talked sense j through thicker things than a wooden j pail." First I raps on bis cupola with j me knuckles, just to ring him up. j Then, when I gets his eye, I says, kind ; of coaxin": "Pete. It's about seventeen ! after ix. That's twenty-three for you. J Are you next?" Now, say. you d thought most any ! one would have dropped for a hint like 1 that, dippy or not. Put Sir Peter sizes j me up without hattln' an eye. Ho had a kind of dignified, solemn way of look in', too. with eyes wide open. ' same s a judge chargm a jury. "You'll never nctd a bucket." says he. Just then I heard something that sounded like pouring water from a jus:. and I looks arouna. to see Mr. oordon on the farm, up north of London. I turnin' plum color and holdin' himself j don't blame R ifus Rastus for wearin' by the short ribs. I knew what had I his eyes on the outside. They stuck happened then. The nutty one had , out like the waist buttons, on a Broad handed me the lemon. way cop. and he hardly Knew whether "Scratch mo off." says I. "I'm in the I he was waltin" on table or makin up wrong ciass. If there's to be any more j a berth. RIoomir.gdale repartee, just count me ! With his second glass of Szz Sir out" j Peter began to thaw a little. He hadn't Naw. I wa n't sore, or nothin like j paid much attention to me for awhile, that. If any one can get free vawdy- pasin' most of his remarks over to ville from me III write em an annual pay : but I couldn't see the us of monkey in with that bughouse boarder. Say, if you was pay in" for five rooms and bath when you went on the road, like Mr. Gordon was. would you stand f o r any that? I machinery-loft butt-in like was waitin for the word to pile Sir peter on the baggage truck, Danvers and all. Think I got it? Nix! Some folks i ruity pIciKrit. Ami ryramlil Oorilon. with trvrnXren dlfTrri-nt kinds of trim- hf hvin' wurmc'l op for him hclilnrt hi trk. stood tticrr and playrd kid. Said he couldn't llilnk of oln' Sir fftfr aftrr that. Hod ot to hv dinner with i. HIi-mhI If he didn't, too. pall and air t'ouldii't fall for nny talk ahout rliatiRln' cars: oh. m! Hut when he, ser-a the pink candle, and the oyatera on the half, and the quart botf In the lie bath, he seemed to net hla lienrln" hark hy mlrelrss. pinner?" smxs lie. "Ah. yea! lan vers. haa the prime Minister come yet? It was toulRht that tie tvnS to dine with me wasn't It."' "Tomorrow nlnt. Plr Teter." saya tanvers. "dh. vpry well. Hut you Rentlemen will share the J"lnt with me, eh? Wel como to Hianscmnb Arms! And tot's Rather around. sirs. let's Rather around!" You should have seen the way he J 5 4V J s . did it. thouRh. rti'p'lnr John Prew manners, the old duffer had. I-ord knows where he t houarht he was, though: somewhere on HiKhpate IHond, I nuppose. Hut whcievcr it w:if. he was ripht to honie--called Kufus Itastus Jenkins, and tid TVinvcrs he could pro for the day. tiave mo the Rooscflcsh hack until 1 jjttt used to ft: but Mr. tlordon seemed to take it all ns part of the prime. Tt beat all the dinners T ever had. t h i t on c. The re w w ere. po u n d t n over the rails throuph Pennsylvania; at a mite-a -ml nut c clip, the tomato soup doin" a merry-sro-round In the plates, the engine to;;ln for prrade- III V a ir. .K. - i ...-' t2 fx I WAS C;KTTI BIST M'lTII WARM WATER A NO TOWELS, ' crossin's: and Sir PeteY. wearin' his I j ra,i as dig-nitied "as a cardinal does a : red hat, talkin' just as If ho was back ! ! Mr. Gordon: but all of a sudden he comes at with: " You're a Home Ruler. I expect?" "Sure." says I. "Now, spring the the gag." But if there was a stinger to it he ( must have lost it in the shuffle; for he I opens up a line of talk that I didn't have the key to at all. Mr. Gordon tells me j afterwards it was English politics, and J that Sir Peter was tr in to register me Ins n ('(initprvnlivv. Anyway. I'vr nromltd 1 to vnlr for Balfour, or omrho1y llk tht . Ufixt lrctlon: I'm oln' to arnd word to IJttlP Tim Hint h n-1n I torn" around. Hnrt to do It. Juot to plfa tlio old Kfnt. By thf tlm we'd not to tli llttle eup of black bed awitehed to something else. 'I don't suppose you know any thine about railroads?" says he to Mr. Clordon. Then It was my grin. RailroAda la what Pyramid plays with, you know. He's a director on" three or four Itnea himself, and la Always looktn' for more. It's about as safe to. leve a hranoh road out after ntshtfalt when flordon'a around, na it would bo to try to rAlse watermelon in Minetta lane. He grinned too. nd sim l1 something About not knowing AS much about 'em as he did once. With that ir Peter lighta up one of Mr. rtordon a Key West nlght-stteka And cuts Adrift on the railroad business. That made the boss kind of sick at first. Hail roads was something he wma tryln to forgot for the evenln. Hut there wasn't any slnitiln' the old .lay off. And nay! he knew the rase-cards All right. Thera wns too much high finance About It for me to follow close; hut any ways I seen that it uiade Mr. Oordtjn sit tip and tnke notice. He'd peg In a quest Inn now and then, and got the old one so stirred up ihnt after awhile he shed the bucket. hiKKcd out one of hla bugs, and flashed a lot of pa per done up In neat little piles. 1 le said It was a report he was goln" to rnnke to somo board or other, If ever the decimals would quit bothering him long enough. WVII. that sort of thing might keep Mr. (Jordon awake, but not for mine. Half way to Baltimore I turns In. leaving 'em at It. I had a good anooite, too. Mr. Onrdon comes to my bunk In the mornln", very mysterious. "Shorty," says he. "were In. I've got to go up to the Stute Popartment for an hour or so, and while I'm rone d like you to keep an eye on Sir Teter. If he takes a notion to wander off, you persuade him to stay until t get back." "What you say goes," says t. 1 shoved up the shade and sees that they'd put the Adeline down at the end of the train -shed. About all T could aee of Washington was the top of old Heorge's headstone sttckln' up over a freightcar. T fixed myself up and nad breakfast. Just as if J was In a boardln' houw, and then sits around waitln for Sir IVter. He nn Panvers shows up after awhile, and the old gent calls for tea and tosst and Jam. Then ! knows he's farther off his base than ever. Think of truck like that for breakfast! Hut he gets awity with It. and then says to Pun vers: "Time we were off for the city, my num." 1 got a glimpsn of trouble ahead right there, for that chump of a Panvers never made a move when I gives him the wink. All he could get into that peanut head of ,,,, .-. ,,m- . '"" leather h,,a n.l got rea.ly to t'ot armind wherever that lons-legged old lunatic ... ""y'. ..... his at one time waa to collect those t iey ve r unra me nmp on mat irain , .. . . i ..a, . .. .1 yours. Sir fete, say I. don t come along until 10:3fi now, Spring schedule." and I winks an eye loose at Panvers. " Ton mv word! says Sir Peter, "you ' here yet? Danvers, show this person to the gates." "Yes, sir," says "Danvers. He comes up to me an' whispers, kind of ugly: "I sye now. you'll ave to stop chaffin Sir Peter. 1 won't ave It!" .MEite? - itifJ "Help!" says I. "There's a rat after me." ' "Hi 11 bash yer bloomin nose in!" says he. gettin pink behind thy ears. I was wish In' that would fetch him, and it did. He comes at me wide open, with a guard like a soft-shell crab. I slips down the stateroom passage, out of sight of Sir Peter, catches Danvers by the scruff, chucks him into a berth, and ties him up with the sheets, as careful as if he-was to go by express. VNow make all the holler you want." says I. "It won't disturb us none." and I shut the door. But Sir Peter was a different proposi tion. I didn't want to rough-house him. hie was too ancient: and anyway. I kind of liked the old chap's looks. He'd for got all about Danvers. and was makin' figures on an envelope when I got back. I let him figure away, until all of a sudden he puts up his pencil and lugs out that hucket again. "it's quit raining," says L 'hi hj'l "What do you know About It?" says he, "It's pouring decimals. Just pouring em. Hut I've got to get my report In." With that he claps on the bucket, grabs a bag and starts for the car door. tl was up to m to make a quick play: for he was Just ripe to gt buttin' around those tracks and run afoul of a switch engine. And I hated to collar Mm. Jttat then 1 spots the tennis-ball. "Whoop-ee!" says 1. grabbln It up and slammtn' it at his head. I made a bull's eye on the pAll too. "That's a 'cigar you owe m." say 1. "and I gets twjn more cracks for my nickel," He tried to dodge; mit I slammed It At him a couple more times, "your turn now," says I. "Otmme th bucket." Pounds foolish, don't It? I'll bet It looked a heap foollaher than It sounds; hut I'd Just thought of something a feller told m ones. He wnH young doctor. In , the bat ward at Rellevue. "They're a good deal llkn kids." says he. r j. l . m l i t sill irJ n r i wyife y . ItlKIH RASTIS WAS THVlXi TO Sllt vr SI1MKIIOIIV. "and if yon remenuT that, handle, 'em eaay." And any, Sir Peter afpincd to lnok ) tickled and InH-rcalrd. Tlio llrat thlliR I knw rhuctra th bu(.lt,it on my lu-ad , . , . , and waa doin a war-dance, lamhaalln that tennla-rmll at tne to beat the rara. , . ..... 1 "" worklnn. nil right. ,.,. . , . , ,.,, . ,,,,. a shinny game, with an umbrella and a cane for sticks, and a couple of wicker chairs for goal. He took to that too. First he shed hla frock-coat, then his vest, and after awhile we got down to pur undershirts. It whs a hot game from fVe word go. There wa'n't any half-way business about Sir Peter. When lie started out to drive a gonl through my legs he whacked good and strong and often. My shins looked like a barker's pole after wards; but I couldn't squeal then. There was no way tn duck punishment but to get the ball into his territory nnd make him guard goal. It wa'n't such o cinch to do, either, for he was a lively old gent on his pins. t After about half an hour of that, you can bet I wished Td stuck to the bucket game. But Sir Peter was as excited over It as a boy with a new pair of roller skates. He wouldn't stand for any change of programme, and he wouldn't stop for breathin'-spells. Ruftis Rastus came out of his coop once to see what (he row was all about; but when he saw us mixed up in a scrimmage for goal he says: "Good J I,awd cr mighty!" lets out one yell, and shuts himself up with his canned soup and copper pans. I guess Danvers thought I was draggln' his boss around by the hair; for I heard hfm yelp onco In awhile. j but he couldn't get loose. sir Peter began to leak all over his head, and his gray hair got mussed up. and his eyes was bulgin out; but 1 couldn't get him switched to anything I else. Not much! Shinny was a new game to him, arid he was stuck on it. "Whee-yee !" he'd yell, and swing that crook-handled cane, and bang would go a fancy gas globe into a million pieces, i But a little thing like that didn't faze ! him. He was out for goals, and he wasn't particular what he hit as long as the ball was kept moving. It was a hot pace he set, all right. Every time he swung I had to jump two feet high, or else get it on the shins. And say! I jumped when I could. I'd have given a sable-lined overcoat for a pair "of leg-guards just about then: and if I could have had that young bug-ward doctor to myself for about ten minutes well, he'd have learned something they didn't tell him at Bellevue. Course, I don't keep up reglar ring trainin these days; but I'm generally fit for ten rounds or so any old time. I thought I was in good trim then, until that dippy old snoozer had rushed me for about 25 goats. Then I began to breathe hard , and wish some one would ring the gong on him. There was no counting on when Mr. Gordon would show up; but his footsteps wouldn't have made me sad. I've let myself in for some jay stunts in my time; but this gettin tangled up with a had dream that had come true wey. that was the limit. And I'd started out to do something real cute, tou could have bought me for a bunch of pink trading-stamps. And Just as I was wondering if this Bloomingdale seance was to go on all day. Sir Peter gives out like a busted mainspring, slumps all over the floor, and lays as limp as if his jaw had con nected with a piledriver. For a minute or so I was scared clear down to my toe nails; but after I'd sluiced him with ice water and worked over Wm a little, he came back to the boards. He was groggy, and I reckon things was loopln' the loops when he looked at 'em; but his blood-pump was doing business again, and I knew he'd feel better pretty soon. 1 helped Mm up on Ihe bucket, llial being handiest, and threw a three-finger slug of ry "nlo him. and then he begun to tnko an Inventory of thine in general, kind of slow nnd d (unified. He looks at the broken glass on the ear carpet, al t(ic chairs turned bottom up, at me. In my hard-work costume, and nt his own rig. "Heally, ynh know, really I- f don't quite understand." says he. "Where -what" "Oh ! you're abend." an ya I. "I wouldn't swear to the S'-ore; but U s your odds." This didn't seem to sat fsf y hi in. though. He kept on looking around, aa though he'd lost some t htng. 1 guesa he was hunting for that bjnated cane. "Hpo here." says I. "Vim get the de cision, and there ain't goln' to 1m nny encore, I've retired. I've had enough of that game to last tne unlit I'm na old as you are, which won't lir for two or three seasons on. If you're dead aiixlonx for more, ymi wa It un til Mr. Gordon comes bark, nnd chal lengc hi in. He's a sport." Hut Sir Peter seemed to be c Var off the al Icy. "My good man." an ya he, "1 I don't follow you at nil. Will you please tell me where 1 am?" Now any. how wns I to know win r; lie thought he was? What was the name of that ple; Hrisket t Arms? 1 don't want to cluinee It. "This Is the snme old stand," says I. "right where yoi: started an hour ago." "Hut." says he "but Kord V Indica tor?" "He's due on the next trolley," says I. "Had to stop off at the gun fac tory, you know." Kver try to tear off a lot of extem poraneous lies, twenty to tho minute? Jt's no pipe Worse thnn being on the stand at an insurance third degree. I couldn't even refuse to answer on ad vice of counsel , and in no 1 1 mo at all he had nte twisted up into a bow knot. "Young man," says he, "I think you're prevaricating. "I'm doing the best." says I ; "but let's cut that out. P'raps you'd foe I better if you wore the bucket awhile." "Bucket?" says he. And I'll be put on the buzzer if he didn't throw the Alps a Dangerous Playground SIR LESLIE w STEPHEN'S familiar name for the Swiss Alps "The Play ground of Kurope" takes on a somewha1 sinister aspect when we realize, that the Alps are responsible for over 401 accidents a year. So many of these are fatal that the. Lancet (London, November I?,) seems justified In saying tfiat this "playground" has for many years been a graveyard a fact which experience from year to year emphasizes ' rather than modifies. Says this paper: "Statistics officially compiled for 1907 supply us with the death rate due to misadventure tn the year now closing on the Alps Italian. Swiss and Austrian, and thofc of Dauphine. Actual loss of life is noted in 75 cases, the majority of the victims being divided between Swiss and German 'peak-stormers :' next in number are those from the British Isles; and then come th Italians. Among the causes of this fatality, that which over tops all others is the foolhardiness tevery year more prevalent) of essaying the more difficult ascents without a guide; in many cases, moreover, without even a companion. The Alps which figure first in the black list as the scene of most frequent 'misadventure are those of" Central Switzerland the Bernese Ober land particularly; next come the Graian L Alps, the highest peak of which is the Gran Paradiso, and the Pennine range, culminating in Mont Blanc and Monte Rosa. Among the 'incidents of fatality 14 are classed under the head of 'flower gathering in dangerous localities. the edelweiss tempting the majority of vic tims. Of thofe thus lured to their de struction there were two ladies of me ture years, two young ladies and three young men. Accidents not terminating fatally, but more or lees grave, were 350 some not figuring in that number from not having -been reported or registered." The compilers of the above statistics, the writer goes on to tell us. recommend "international action" on the part of Switzerland, France. Italy and Austria to prohibit this ascent of dangerous mountains unless the adventurer is ac companied hy a duly qualified and accred ited guide. We read: "So escorted he might be spared even such risks as that which cost the young student. Herr Mancken, his life only a few days ago when clambering up- the Jungfrau a mass of ice, loosened by the Summer heat, having finally detached it hhiff that he'd tieveY had Hie thlhg nn bis head. "(Hi, well," says I. "you've got a t ih t to He some If you want to. H a your turn, anyway. Hut lo nte swab you off a little." He didn't kit k on that, and I wh kM tin' J'uay with warm w(r and IkwHn when the door opens, and In drills Mr. ('ordon with thicw well-fed gent In-hind htrn. "Great cais!" says he, throwln' up Ntti hands. "Shorty, what In blane has hap- p!1f f1 ?" "Nothin' much." nays 1. "We've been playin' a HMte shinny." "Shinny ?" says he. Just as though ft was something I'd Invented. "Sure." any a I. 'And Str IVIer won oiit. As a shinny player he's a bird." Then tho three other ducks swarms In, am! the xvty they powwows armitid there for a few minute wan ctmueh to fitnko n curtain aene fur a Third-Kveriue melo drama. Mr. Gordon i aimed Vtn down though, after a bit. and t hen not chance. I wan n little rll-d by thtit time, 1 giM-a. I offered to tie pillows on both hands and take ptn nil three nt oii'-e. klckiu allowed. "(h. come. Hhntty." bmvb Mr. Gordon. 'These gentlemen have been n little baity. They don't understand, and they're great, fih-nda of Sir peter. Thlt la the British A m ha sail dor, I .ord Winchester, ami I he are hla -two wen furies. Now. what sIhmiI thla shinny?" "ft was a stem-winder," saya I. "Sir ( Peter was off side mont of the time; hut 1 don't carry no grouch for that." Then I told nt how I'd done It to kep htm off the tracks, and how he got so wanned up he couldn't stop tmlH he ran out of steam. They were polite enough after that. We shook hands all round, and I went In and resort ceted lanvers, and they k Fir Peter lined tip so that he was lit to go In a cab. and the whola hunch clears out. Itt about an hour Mr. Gordon come back. He wears one of the won't -eome-off kind, mid steps like he was feelln', good till over. "Professor," saa he. "yon needn't be aurprlaed at get! Ing a rifdal of honor from the British government. You nirni to have cured Sir Peter of Urn bttekel habit." "We're milts, then." says I. "lie mired mo of wanting to play shinny. Ray, did you find nut who the old an noger was, anyway?" "The old snooker," says he, "If tho crack llnatK'lal expert of Knglnml, and & big gun generally. He'd been over herd looking (uto our railroads, and when ha gela hack he's to make a report that will lie accepted as law and gospel In every capital of Kurope. It wns while he was working on Unit Job that his brnltt took a vacation; and it was your shinny gaum the doctora say. that saved him from tlio Insane asylum. You seem to have brought him back to his aenses." "He's welcome," says I; "but I wish the Flrltlsti government would ante up a hot tit of spavin-cure. Txiok at that shin." "We'll make "em pay for that shin." says he. with a kind of tt'a-i-onilng-to-iis grin. "Artd by the way. Shorty; thoso few , after-dinner remnrks that Sir Peter made about his report you could forget about hearing 'em, couldn't you?" "I can forget everything but the bucket saya I." "flood." says Mr. Gordon. "It It's a private mutter for awhile." Wo took a hansom ride around town until the noon limited was ready to pull out. Nevr saw a car ride do a man so much good as that one back to New York seemed to do Mr. Gordon. He whs as pleased with himself aa if lie was a red apple on the top branch. . It was a couple of weeks too before I knew why. He let It out one day after we'd had our little ! o'clock tea with t he gloves. Seems that hearing Sir Peter tell what he was goin' to report about American railroads was Just liko glvtn' Gordon an owner's tip on a handi cap winner; and Pyramid don't need to brs hit on the head with a maul, either. Near as I can get it, he worked tlint InHide In formation for nil It was worth; and there's a bunch down around Broad street that don't know Just what hit 'em yet. Mi-? Iittle. Rollo? Say! this Is ou tho foot-rule now; but would It b carry) n' too much brindle for a plug like me, tr sport one of them brass-lound gasoleno carryalls? What? self and crushed the tin fortunate youth. Even such causes of dange.r cannot al ways be forescn and allowed for, but there is otio consideration which It is never superfluous or inopportune to Insist upon, and that is the state of health of tho Alpine climber. In fact, some 12 years ago a congress of Swiss medical men. convened at Arosa, Issued, after full discussion, a unanimous recommendation that professional assistance should be available at t he stations hot li of depart ure and arrival of even the funicular mountain railways to save the traveler from the. danger of being 'ballooned up' to an altitude of several thousand feet with what 91r William Hull used to call 'a tired heart. and also in ease of sud den cardiai; failure at the terminus to render all assistance possible. In truth many cases of so-called 'misad venture are simply cases of instantane ous arrest of the heart's action on the brink of a crevasse or other danger poin This was exemplified in the tragic fate of Baron Peccoz. an enthusiastic Belgian "peak-stormer," who, some 12 years ago. In the presence of Queen Marghrita (now the Dowager), dropped down dead when "negotiating one of those critical 'hazards on the Ly?kamm. There was no misplaced footing or less of balance due to a faise step, but the sudden fail ure of a heart known to be atheromatous and exhausted by many hours' exertion. A Factory (Jirl Bins. W. P. Eaton in Everybody's. Yon wake mc with your shrill soprano. Sine-eyed Yiddish maid. Sinking as you hem a coat sleeve Or turn a strip of braid; I lie In bed and curse your tumult That spoiled my morning rest. And wonder who on earth concocted That eariy-rislns Jest; He may gt up what Hme It please him For that, and so may you But by what right do you compel ms To loe my bet sleep, too 7 Confound you. It s a heaMly outrage. . , . But what Is that you Ing A quwr, outlandish, Slavic folk-song, A plaintive, minor thing? Perhaps they sang It tn the steerage To soothe your eyelids do-w n. Perhaps for you tt means the homeland Afar from these drab walls, Where woodlands spread, and on th grasses At nlffht the sweet dew falls; My fellow in the prison city. I rise to face the day. . And humbly end my prayer for pardun Acrotia the area-way.
