to
Till: S1Ti).Y OltKfiONIAX. rOIlTLANO. APRIL 12. 1908.
SOMB FURTHER.
ADVENTURES OF PROFESSOR SHORTY
MS CADEr-
IP
SA V. I'm thtnkln' of litrm' a husky
hey with a club o do the- turnkey
act for m Or mybe I could get
nut in injunction agiiitiM myself to keep
me from le!n' home What I need I
ft hfe sentence to stuy In little old Npw
York Its the ont plnee where things
happen reg'lsr and sensible. If you see
l'vkp fly in' round In the sir, or a new
htti'riin rio-n' the hooehee-koAchee an'
fheddtn" Its cor ntces. or manhole cover
poppln' eff. you know just what's up
rothlng hut a little stick dynamite ban
iHed care'ei, or some mfelit u gas
tottt-hrd off by a plumber.
Mut Uie minute I U tn some one lead
me tos a ferry, or beyond The Bronx.
I he event crtn! is on the blink, and I m
bunk y -doodle- hoy. I inns' a I don't art
more'n a mile from Forty-second street
I'm Professor MWnhe. and the cops pass
me t fie t imr of day. Outside of that
I'm a stray, and any one that acta the
tit tus a ran to me.
No. 1 run me studio liere on the
Mrntghl: no fortune-tcUtn on the side,
no vibrn t ion frPN. no electric sttmula
toi s. I can give "em all t ho vibration
that's jtood for t'leir health with A pair
ef hali-stuffed mitts. Hut for all that
1 ve been Ret tin' my name up na a bel
fry -bru her, a hat -chaser.
You couldn't guess who it was that
steered me un against this last one. No.
It wo n't John I, nor t'nele RiwseM: hut
you're warm. it was Pyramid Gordon.
Sure! He's on my list. I'd hud him a a
rcg !r for about a month - Mondays.
Wednesdays arid Saturdays, from R to s -and
lie was just gettin' so he knew what
real Itvln was, when somethtn' breaks
Ioom down on tit street that makes him
for pet everything hut the figures on thw
tape So he units train in". About ten
days later he drops In here, one after
noon, with fur on Ms tongue, and his
i ves looktn Ifke a couple of cold fried
cgg.
"A re j on com in' or go in", Mr. Gor
ilon says I.
"Where, Short V a a y a he.
"Hospital." say I.
IK grinned a little, the kind of grin
a teller wears when he be in' helped
to his corner, after the count.
"I know.' says he; "but when you've
boen sitting for two weeks on a vol -ca
no. Shorty . wonder tn a whet her U
won hi blow ou up or open and let
you fall tn. you're apt to forget your
liver."
"It ain't apt to forget yon. thou ph."
says I. "Shall we have a little session
right now ?"
And then he springs his proposition.
I le d Rot to go to Washington and
back tr.-ide of the next two breakfasts
mill he wn n ted me t go a long ; some
on account of his liver, but mostly so's
lie could foraret that lie was still on the
lid. His private car was hitched to
the tall of the Flyer, and he had just
forty-five minutes to get aboard. Would
1 come?
"'If I'm wiped out by the time we
get hack." says he, "Til make you a
preferred oredt tor:"
"I'll take chances on that." says I.
They did do the trie k to pyramid
once, you know, hut they'd never got
Mm right since. They had him wor
ried some this time, though. You could
tell that by the way he smiled at the
vron g cues, and combed his deacons
wiCh his Angers. They're the only dea
con whiskers I ever had in the studio.
1'sed to make me nervous when I hit
cm. for fear I'd drive 'em In. Put he's
dead game. Pyramid is. whether he's
stoppin" mitts or buckin" the I'pnight
Oil push. So I grabs a few things off
;tie whll. turns the joint over to Swtfty
Joe, and we hikes for the ferry.
"W here's the other part les ?" says I.
when I'd sised up the inside of the
A del inc. Tli ere was room enough for
it minstrel troupe.
"We're to have it all to ourselves,
professor. says he. "And it's almost
t ime for ns t pull out ; there's the
last Oortland-Mreet boat In."
About then -we hears Mr. Rufus Ras
t us. the Congo brunette that's master
of ceremonies on the car. bavin' an
r t g ument ou t In the vestibule.
!!- was tryln to shunt somebody.
They didn't shunt, though, and in come?
h long-gared old pent, wearin' one of
t hoe halted ulsters that they make
cut of horse"' blankets for English tour
1st.- He h td a dink cloth cap of the
same pattern, and the lengthiest face
3 ever saw- or. a man. It wasn't a cheer
ful face cither; looked like he was
)' nr. tin for his own tombstone, and
didn't care how soon ho found it. Ru
fus Uastus was hangln' to one of his
Arms, splutter in' things about this be
ing a private ear, sn.1 gettin no more
rots e taken of himself than as If he'd
been a r. escape valve. Behind 'em.
tot in' a lot of leather h.igs of all
pin pes. was a peaked -nosed chap, who
looked like he was doin' all the frettin'
for a Don't Worry ritih.
' It s bonly S'r P-ter." says the wor
r;ed oh a p. " "K s myde a mistyke. y
Know. Hi'l! get im out. sir."
"Par vers, shut up!" says Sir Peter.
"Yes. sir. directly. sr; hut" says he.
"Shut up row. and sit down!" Sir
Vet.r wasnt scappy about it. He just
s , i t it as thouph he was tired. But
1 p - vers w ilted.
"S ! give em the run?" says I.
' .," sas Mr. Gordon; "there's the
Vel We can gel i id of them at the
r.rst stop."
Then t.e goes o er to Sir Peter. tel!s
i:n ali about t "e Adeline's be in a
pri ,ite sr a p. and how he can change
to a parlor car a t T r e n t o n .
The o'd fe!K.w .cems to take It all
1-.. Kokm" hlni stra tgV.t l:i the eye,
w i t , i o 1 1 1 t u r n i n " a hair, and then he
s.i -j. ii: i ns if they'd been talkin
about it for a month: "You'd better
a bucket as ! do. It looks a
l:t: ode!, you know; but the decimals
can't get through A bucket. I-anvers!"
he fi" out.
"1 j; jou ilc n't understand," rays
! ru ul "l said this was a private
r private, i ar!"
fon t hout " sas Sir Feter. "I'm
rot dtaf. Id lend you bucket if
1 lad .in vtr.i one; hut I l, a vent, Dan-
eru '"
This time Ia:ivera edged in with one
of hoe sole-b ather --ases that an Eng
lishman carries his plg hat In.
lun't you thir:k. Sir peter " says
he.
"Yes; bet ou don't." says Sir Peter.
Hurry on. now"
And i II be welched if L'anvers didn t
dig a wooden pail out of that hat case
and hand it over. Sir Peter chucks
(he cap. puts on the pall, rtropa th
handle under his chin, and stretches
out on a corner sofa as peaceful as A
bench-duster In the park.
"Iooks like he's arot his wheels all
under rover." a a a 1, "(! re At scheme
every man his own garage."
"Who is he?" says Mr. tlordon to
Tanvers.
"I.rd. sir. you don't mean to syo
you don't know Sir Pet-r, sir?" says
!anvers "Why. ' Sir peter the
Sir Peter. K's a hit heccrntr1c at
times, sir."
Well, we let it go At that. Sir Peter
a-med to be enjoying himself: so we
piles all the wicker chairs around him.
opens the ventilators, and peels down
for business.
Kver try handball in a car that's be
ing wnaked i.ver switches at fifty miles
an hour? So far as looks went, we
were .lust as batty a Sir Peter with
h la wootlerv hat. W e caromed around
like a ecu pie of al -spots In a dice-
V
t."'T"'
fete LiJ
"LOOKS I. IKK UK'S NOT IMS MIKKIS IMM:tt 4'OVKR, SWS I.
box. and some of the footwork we did
would have had a buck-ami-wftiff art
ist crsay. We was using: a tennis ball,
and when wed (ret In thre strokes
without miss in a- we'd stop and shake
hands. There wa'n't any more sense to
it than to a musical comedy: but it r
was maktn' Mr. Gordon forpet his trou- j
hies, nnd it was doing: his liver a-ood. !
Panvers watched u from behind some !
chairs. lo looked disgusted.
Hy the time we'd got half way arross
Jersey we was ready for the batht ub.
Ami say, that's the way to travel and
stay at home, all to once. A private
car for mine. While wc was puttin'
on a polish with the Turkish towels, j
Kufus Rastus was busy with the din- !
tier !
"Now. we'll have a not her talk with ;
Sir Teter of the rtl.' says Mr. viordon.
We took the barricade down, and !
found him just as we'd left him- Then j
he an Pyramid jteta together: but It I
was the wlxsiest brand of conversation !
I ever heard. You'd have thought they
was tr-lUto' over the phone to the ;
wrong number. Sir Peter would lis- '
ten to all Gordon had to say. just as
if he was jrettin next to every ord. (
but bis come-backs didn't fit by a
mile. ;
"Sorry to disturb you.'' says Mr. Gor- J
don; "but I'll have to ask you to change
to a forward car next stop."
P:r Fetor blinked his lamps at him !
a minute, and then he says: '"Yes. It
keens the decimals out." and he taps ;
the bucket, knowing like. "My own in- j
vention. sir. Id advise you to try it I
if the y ever bother you." ,
"Yes. I I! take your word for that." j
says Mr. Gordon ; "but I'm afraid you'll !
have to be getting ready to move, j
This Is try private car, you see."
"They .i!was come point first." says
Sir Teter: "that's how they set in. !
It's only the bucket that makes "em j
Shy off." j
Xh the deuce.' says Pyramid.
"H-re. Shorty, you try your lurk with
him" I
"Pure." sayt T. ' I've talked sense j
through thicker things than a wooden j
pail." First I raps on bis cupola with j
me knuckles, just to ring him up. j
Then, when I gets his eye, I says, kind ;
of coaxin": "Pete. It's about seventeen !
after ix. That's twenty-three for you. J
Are you next?"
Now, say. you d thought most any !
one would have dropped for a hint like 1
that, dippy or not. Put Sir Peter sizes j
me up without hattln' an eye. Ho had
a kind of dignified, solemn way of
look in', too. with eyes wide open. '
same s a judge chargm a jury.
"You'll never nctd a bucket." says he.
Just then I heard something that
sounded like pouring water from a jus:.
and I looks arouna. to see Mr. oordon on the farm, up north of London. I
turnin' plum color and holdin' himself j don't blame R ifus Rastus for wearin'
by the short ribs. I knew what had I his eyes on the outside. They stuck
happened then. The nutty one had , out like the waist buttons, on a Broad
handed me the lemon. way cop. and he hardly Knew whether
"Scratch mo off." says I. "I'm in the I he was waltin" on table or makin up
wrong ciass. If there's to be any more j a berth.
RIoomir.gdale repartee, just count me ! With his second glass of Szz Sir
out" j Peter began to thaw a little. He hadn't
Naw. I wa n't sore, or nothin like j paid much attention to me for awhile,
that. If any one can get free vawdy- pasin' most of his remarks over to
ville from me III write em an annual
pay : but I couldn't see the us of
monkey in with that bughouse boarder.
Say, if you was pay in" for five rooms
and bath when you went on the road,
like Mr. Gordon was. would you stand
f o r any
that? I
machinery-loft butt-in like
was waitin for the word to
pile Sir peter on the baggage truck,
Danvers and all.
Think I got it? Nix! Some folks
i ruity pIciKrit. Ami ryramlil Oorilon.
with trvrnXren dlfTrri-nt kinds of trim-
hf hvin' wurmc'l op for him hclilnrt
hi trk. stood tticrr and playrd kid.
Said he couldn't llilnk of oln' Sir
fftfr aftrr that. Hod ot to hv
dinner with i. HIi-mhI If he didn't,
too. pall and air t'ouldii't fall for nny
talk ahout rliatiRln' cars: oh. m! Hut
when he, ser-a the pink candle, and
the oyatera on the half, and the quart
botf In the lie bath, he seemed to net
hla lienrln" hark hy mlrelrss.
pinner?" smxs lie. "Ah. yea! lan
vers. haa the prime Minister come yet?
It was toulRht that tie tvnS to dine
with me wasn't It."'
"Tomorrow nlnt. Plr Teter." saya
tanvers.
"dh. vpry well. Hut you Rentlemen
will share the J"lnt with me, eh? Wel
como to Hianscmnb Arms! And tot's
Rather around. sirs. let's Rather
around!"
You should have seen the way he
J 5 4V J s .
did it. thouRh. rti'p'lnr John Prew
manners, the old duffer had. I-ord
knows where he t houarht he was,
though: somewhere on HiKhpate IHond,
I nuppose. Hut whcievcr it w:if. he was
ripht to honie--called Kufus Itastus
Jenkins, and tid TVinvcrs he could pro
for the day. tiave mo the Rooscflcsh
hack until 1 jjttt used to ft: but Mr.
tlordon seemed to take it all ns part
of the prime.
Tt beat all the dinners T ever had.
t h i t on c. The re w w ere. po u n d t n
over the rails throuph Pennsylvania;
at a mite-a -ml nut c clip, the tomato
soup doin" a merry-sro-round In the
plates,
the engine to;;ln for prrade-
III V
a ir.
.K. - i ...-'
t2
fx
I WAS C;KTTI BIST M'lTII WARM WATER A NO TOWELS,
'
crossin's: and Sir PeteY. wearin' his I
j ra,i as dig-nitied "as a cardinal does a
: red hat, talkin' just as If ho was back !
! Mr. Gordon: but all of a sudden he
comes at with:
" You're a Home Ruler. I expect?"
"Sure." says I. "Now, spring the
the gag."
But if there was a stinger to it he
( must have lost it in the shuffle; for he
I opens up a line of talk that I didn't have
the key to at all. Mr. Gordon tells me
j afterwards it was English politics, and
J that Sir Peter was tr in to register me
Ins n ('(initprvnlivv. Anyway. I'vr nromltd
1 to vnlr for Balfour, or omrho1y llk tht
. Ufixt lrctlon: I'm oln' to arnd word
to IJttlP Tim Hint h n-1n I torn"
around. Hnrt to do It. Juot to plfa tlio
old Kfnt. By thf tlm we'd not to tli
llttle eup of black bed awitehed to
something else.
'I don't suppose you know any thine
about railroads?" says he to Mr. Clordon.
Then It was my grin. RailroAda la
what Pyramid plays with, you know.
He's a director on" three or four Itnea
himself, and la Always looktn' for more.
It's about as safe to. leve a hranoh road
out after ntshtfalt when flordon'a around,
na it would bo to try to rAlse watermelon
in Minetta lane. He grinned too. nd
sim l1 something About not knowing AS
much about 'em as he did once.
With that ir Peter lighta up one of
Mr. rtordon a Key West nlght-stteka And
cuts Adrift on the railroad business. That
made the boss kind of sick at first. Hail
roads was something he wma tryln to
forgot for the evenln. Hut there wasn't
any slnitiln' the old .lay off. And nay!
he knew the rase-cards All right. Thera
wns too much high finance About It for
me to follow close; hut any ways I seen
that it uiade Mr. Oordtjn sit tip and tnke
notice. He'd peg In a quest Inn now and
then, and got the old one so stirred up
ihnt after awhile he shed the bucket.
hiKKcd out one of hla bugs, and flashed
a lot of pa per done up In neat little
piles. 1 le said It was a report he was
goln" to rnnke to somo board or other, If
ever the decimals would quit bothering
him long enough.
WVII. that sort of thing might keep Mr.
(Jordon awake, but not for mine. Half
way to Baltimore I turns In. leaving 'em
at It. I had a good anooite, too.
Mr. Onrdon comes to my bunk In the
mornln", very mysterious. "Shorty," says
he. "were In. I've got to go up to the
Stute Popartment for an hour or so, and
while I'm rone d like you to keep an
eye on Sir Teter. If he takes a notion
to wander off, you persuade him to stay
until t get back."
"What you say goes," says t.
1 shoved up the shade and sees that
they'd put the Adeline down at the end
of the train -shed. About all T could aee
of Washington was the top of old
Heorge's headstone sttckln' up over a
freightcar. T fixed myself up and nad
breakfast. Just as if J was In a boardln'
houw, and then sits around waitln for
Sir IVter. He nn Panvers shows up
after awhile, and the old gent calls for
tea and tosst and Jam. Then ! knows
he's farther off his base than ever.
Think of truck like that for breakfast!
Hut he gets awity with It. and then says
to Pun vers:
"Time we were off for the city, my
num."
1 got a glimpsn of trouble ahead right
there, for that chump of a Panvers never
made a move when I gives him the wink.
All he could get into that peanut head of
,,,, .-. ,,m- . '""
leather h,,a n.l got rea.ly to t'ot armind
wherever that lons-legged old lunatic
... ""y'. .....
his at one time waa to collect those
t iey ve r unra me nmp on mat irain
, .. . . i ..a, . ..
.1 yours. Sir fete, say I. don t
come along until 10:3fi now, Spring
schedule." and I winks an eye loose at
Panvers.
" Ton mv word! says Sir Peter, "you '
here yet? Danvers, show this person to
the gates."
"Yes, sir," says "Danvers. He comes up
to me an' whispers, kind of ugly: "I
sye now. you'll ave to stop chaffin Sir
Peter. 1 won't ave It!"
.MEite? - itifJ
"Help!" says I. "There's a rat after
me." '
"Hi 11 bash yer bloomin nose in!" says
he. gettin pink behind thy ears.
I was wish In' that would fetch him,
and it did. He comes at me wide open,
with a guard like a soft-shell crab. I
slips down the stateroom passage, out of
sight of Sir Peter, catches Danvers by
the scruff, chucks him into a berth, and
ties him up with the sheets, as careful
as if he-was to go by express.
VNow make all the holler you want."
says I. "It won't disturb us none." and I
shut the door.
But Sir Peter was a different proposi
tion. I didn't want to rough-house him.
hie was too ancient: and anyway. I kind
of liked the old chap's looks. He'd for
got all about Danvers. and was makin'
figures on an envelope when I got back.
I let him figure away, until all of a
sudden he puts up his pencil and lugs
out that hucket again.
"it's quit raining," says L
'hi hj'l
"What do you know About It?" says he,
"It's pouring decimals. Just pouring em.
Hut I've got to get my report In." With
that he claps on the bucket, grabs a bag
and starts for the car door.
tl was up to m to make a quick play:
for he was Just ripe to gt buttin' around
those tracks and run afoul of a switch
engine. And I hated to collar Mm. Jttat
then 1 spots the tennis-ball.
"Whoop-ee!" says 1. grabbln It up and
slammtn' it at his head. I made a bull's
eye on the pAll too. "That's a 'cigar you
owe m." say 1. "and I gets twjn more
cracks for my nickel," He tried to
dodge; mit I slammed It At him a couple
more times, "your turn now," says I.
"Otmme th bucket."
Pounds foolish, don't It? I'll bet It
looked a heap foollaher than It sounds;
hut I'd Just thought of something a
feller told m ones. He wnH young
doctor. In , the bat ward at Rellevue.
"They're a good deal llkn kids." says he.
r
j. l . m
l i t sill irJ n r i
wyife y .
ItlKIH RASTIS WAS THVlXi TO Sllt vr SI1MKIIOIIV.
"and if yon remenuT that,
handle, 'em eaay."
And any, Sir Peter afpincd
to lnok
) tickled and InH-rcalrd. Tlio llrat thlliR I
knw rhuctra th bu(.lt,it on my lu-ad
, . , . ,
and waa doin a war-dance, lamhaalln
that tennla-rmll at tne to beat the rara.
, . .....
1 "" worklnn. nil right.
,.,. . , . , ,.,, . ,,,,.
a shinny game, with an umbrella and a
cane for sticks, and a couple of wicker
chairs for goal. He took to that too.
First he shed hla frock-coat, then his
vest, and after awhile we got down to
pur undershirts. It whs a hot game from
fVe word go. There wa'n't any half-way
business about Sir Peter. When lie started
out to drive a gonl through my legs he
whacked good and strong and often. My
shins looked like a barker's pole after
wards; but I couldn't squeal then. There
was no way tn duck punishment but to
get the ball into his territory nnd make
him guard goal. It wa'n't such o cinch
to do, either, for he was a lively old
gent on his pins. t
After about half an hour of that, you
can bet I wished Td stuck to the bucket
game. But Sir Peter was as excited over
It as a boy with a new pair of roller
skates. He wouldn't stand for any change
of programme, and he wouldn't stop for
breathin'-spells. Ruftis Rastus came out
of his coop once to see what (he row was
all about; but when he saw us mixed up
in a scrimmage for goal he says: "Good
J I,awd cr mighty!" lets out one yell, and
shuts himself up with his canned soup
and copper pans. I guess Danvers thought
I was draggln' his boss around by the
hair; for I heard hfm yelp onco In awhile.
j but he couldn't get loose.
sir Peter began to leak all over his
head, and his gray hair got mussed up.
and his eyes was bulgin out; but 1
couldn't get him switched to anything
I else. Not much! Shinny was a new
game to him, arid he was stuck on it.
"Whee-yee !" he'd yell, and swing that
crook-handled cane, and bang would go a
fancy gas globe into a million pieces,
i But a little thing like that didn't faze
! him. He was out for goals, and he wasn't
particular what he hit as long as the
ball was kept moving.
It was a hot pace he set, all right.
Every time he swung I had to jump two
feet high, or else get it on the shins.
And say! I jumped when I could. I'd
have given a sable-lined overcoat for a
pair "of leg-guards just about then: and
if I could have had that young bug-ward
doctor to myself for about ten minutes
well, he'd have learned something they
didn't tell him at Bellevue.
Course, I don't keep up reglar ring
trainin these days; but I'm generally fit
for ten rounds or so any old time. I
thought I was in good trim then, until
that dippy old snoozer had rushed me
for about 25 goats. Then I began to
breathe hard , and wish some one would
ring the gong on him. There was no
counting on when Mr. Gordon would
show up; but his footsteps wouldn't have
made me sad. I've let myself in for some
jay stunts in my time; but this gettin
tangled up with a had dream that had
come true wey. that was the limit. And
I'd started out to do something real cute,
tou could have bought me for a bunch
of pink trading-stamps.
And Just as I was wondering if this
Bloomingdale seance was to go on all
day. Sir Peter gives out like a busted
mainspring, slumps all over the floor,
and lays as limp as if his jaw had con
nected with a piledriver. For a minute
or so I was scared clear down to my toe
nails; but after I'd sluiced him with ice
water and worked over Wm a little, he
came back to the boards. He was
groggy, and I reckon things was loopln'
the loops when he looked at 'em; but his
blood-pump was doing business again, and
I knew he'd feel better pretty soon.
1 helped Mm up on Ihe bucket, llial
being handiest, and threw a three-finger
slug of ry "nlo him. and then he begun
to tnko an Inventory of thine in general,
kind of slow nnd d (unified. He looks at
the broken glass on the ear carpet, al
t(ic chairs turned bottom up, at me. In my
hard-work costume, and nt his own rig.
"Heally, ynh know, really I- f don't
quite understand." says he. "Where -what"
"Oh ! you're abend." an ya I. "I
wouldn't swear to the S'-ore; but U s
your odds."
This didn't seem to sat fsf y hi in.
though. He kept on looking around,
aa though he'd lost some t htng. 1 guesa
he was hunting for that bjnated cane.
"Hpo here." says I. "Vim get the de
cision, and there ain't goln' to 1m nny
encore, I've retired. I've had enough
of that game to last tne unlit I'm na
old as you are, which won't lir for
two or three seasons on. If you're
dead aiixlonx for more, ymi wa It un
til Mr. Gordon comes bark, nnd chal
lengc hi in. He's a sport."
Hut Sir Peter seemed to be c Var
off the al Icy. "My good man." an ya
he, "1 I don't follow you at nil. Will
you please tell me where 1 am?"
Now any. how wns I to know win r;
lie thought he was? What was the
name of that ple; Hrisket t Arms?
1 don't want to cluinee It.
"This Is the snme old stand," says
I. "right where yoi: started an hour
ago."
"Hut." says he "but Kord V Indica
tor?" "He's due on the next trolley," says
I. "Had to stop off at the gun fac
tory, you know."
Kver try to tear off a lot of extem
poraneous lies, twenty to tho minute?
Jt's no pipe Worse thnn being on the
stand at an insurance third degree. I
couldn't even refuse to answer on ad
vice of counsel , and in no 1 1 mo at all
he had nte twisted up into a bow
knot.
"Young man," says he, "I think you're
prevaricating.
"I'm doing the best." says I ; "but
let's cut that out. P'raps you'd foe I
better if you wore the bucket awhile."
"Bucket?" says he. And I'll be put
on the buzzer if he didn't throw the
Alps a Dangerous Playground
SIR LESLIE w STEPHEN'S familiar
name for the Swiss Alps "The Play
ground of Kurope" takes on a somewha1
sinister aspect when we realize, that the
Alps are responsible for over 401 accidents
a year. So many of these are fatal that
the. Lancet (London, November I?,) seems
justified In saying tfiat this "playground"
has for many years been a graveyard a
fact which experience from year to year
emphasizes ' rather than modifies. Says
this paper:
"Statistics officially compiled for 1907
supply us with the death rate due to
misadventure tn the year now closing on
the Alps Italian. Swiss and Austrian,
and thofc of Dauphine. Actual loss of
life is noted in 75 cases, the majority of
the victims being divided between Swiss
and German 'peak-stormers :' next in
number are those from the British Isles;
and then come th Italians. Among the
causes of this fatality, that which over
tops all others is the foolhardiness tevery
year more prevalent) of essaying the
more difficult ascents without a guide; in
many cases, moreover, without even a
companion. The Alps which figure first
in the black list as the scene of most
frequent 'misadventure are those of"
Central Switzerland the Bernese Ober
land particularly; next come the Graian
L Alps, the highest peak of which is the
Gran Paradiso, and the Pennine range,
culminating in Mont Blanc and Monte
Rosa. Among the 'incidents of fatality
14 are classed under the head of 'flower
gathering in dangerous localities. the
edelweiss tempting the majority of vic
tims. Of thofe thus lured to their de
struction there were two ladies of me
ture years, two young ladies and three
young men. Accidents not terminating
fatally, but more or lees grave, were 350
some not figuring in that number from
not having -been reported or registered."
The compilers of the above statistics,
the writer goes on to tell us. recommend
"international action" on the part of
Switzerland, France. Italy and Austria
to prohibit this ascent of dangerous
mountains unless the adventurer is ac
companied hy a duly qualified and accred
ited guide. We read:
"So escorted he might be spared even
such risks as that which cost the young
student. Herr Mancken, his life only a
few days ago when clambering up- the
Jungfrau a mass of ice, loosened by the
Summer heat, having finally detached it
hhiff that he'd tieveY had Hie thlhg nn
bis head.
"(Hi, well," says I. "you've got a t ih t
to He some If you want to. H a your
turn, anyway. Hut lo nte swab you off
a little."
He didn't kit k on that, and I wh kM
tin' J'uay with warm w(r and IkwHn
when the door opens, and In drills Mr.
('ordon with thicw well-fed gent In-hind
htrn.
"Great cais!" says he, throwln' up Ntti
hands. "Shorty, what In blane has hap-
p!1f f1 ?"
"Nothin' much." nays 1. "We've been
playin' a HMte shinny."
"Shinny ?" says he. Just as though ft
was something I'd Invented.
"Sure." any a I. 'And Str IVIer won
oiit. As a shinny player he's a bird."
Then tho three other ducks swarms In,
am! the xvty they powwows armitid there
for a few minute wan ctmueh to fitnko
n curtain aene fur a Third-Kveriue melo
drama. Mr. Gordon i aimed Vtn down though,
after a bit. and t hen not chance. I
wan n little rll-d by thtit time, 1 giM-a.
I offered to tie pillows on both hands and
take ptn nil three nt oii'-e. klckiu allowed.
"(h. come. Hhntty." bmvb Mr. Gordon.
'These gentlemen have been n little baity.
They don't understand, and they're great,
fih-nda of Sir peter. Thlt la the British
A m ha sail dor, I .ord Winchester, ami I he
are hla -two wen furies. Now. what sIhmiI
thla shinny?"
"ft was a stem-winder," saya I. "Sir (
Peter was off side mont of the time; hut
1 don't carry no grouch for that."
Then I told nt how I'd done It to kep
htm off the tracks, and how he got so
wanned up he couldn't stop tmlH he ran
out of steam. They were polite enough
after that. We shook hands all round,
and I went In and resort ceted lanvers,
and they k Fir Peter lined tip so that
he was lit to go In a cab. and the whola
hunch clears out.
Itt about an hour Mr. Gordon come
back. He wears one of the won't -eome-off
kind, mid steps like he was feelln',
good till over. "Professor," saa he. "yon
needn't be aurprlaed at get! Ing a rifdal
of honor from the British government.
You nirni to have cured Sir Peter of Urn
bttekel habit."
"We're milts, then." says I. "lie mired
mo of wanting to play shinny. Ray, did
you find nut who the old an noger was,
anyway?"
"The old snooker," says he, "If tho
crack llnatK'lal expert of Knglnml, and &
big gun generally. He'd been over herd
looking (uto our railroads, and when ha
gela hack he's to make a report that will
lie accepted as law and gospel In every
capital of Kurope. It wns while he was
working on Unit Job that his brnltt took
a vacation; and it was your shinny gaum
the doctora say. that saved him from tlio
Insane asylum. You seem to have brought
him back to his aenses."
"He's welcome," says I; "but I wish
the Flrltlsti government would ante up a
hot tit of spavin-cure. Txiok at that shin."
"We'll make "em pay for that shin."
says he. with a kind of tt'a-i-onilng-to-iis
grin. "Artd by the way. Shorty; thoso
few , after-dinner remnrks that Sir Peter
made about his report you could forget
about hearing 'em, couldn't you?"
"I can forget everything but the bucket
saya I."
"flood." says Mr. Gordon. "It It's a
private mutter for awhile."
Wo took a hansom ride around town
until the noon limited was ready to pull
out. Nevr saw a car ride do a man so
much good as that one back to New York
seemed to do Mr. Gordon. He whs as
pleased with himself aa if lie was a red
apple on the top branch. .
It was a couple of weeks too before I
knew why. He let It out one day after
we'd had our little ! o'clock tea with
t he gloves. Seems that hearing Sir
Peter tell what he was goin' to report
about American railroads was Just liko
glvtn' Gordon an owner's tip on a handi
cap winner; and Pyramid don't need to brs
hit on the head with a maul, either. Near
as I can get it, he worked tlint InHide In
formation for nil It was worth; and
there's a bunch down around Broad street
that don't know Just what hit 'em yet.
Mi-? Iittle. Rollo? Say! this Is ou tho
foot-rule now; but would It b carry) n'
too much brindle for a plug like me, tr
sport one of them brass-lound gasoleno
carryalls? What?
self and crushed the tin fortunate youth.
Even such causes of dange.r cannot al
ways be forescn and allowed for, but
there is otio consideration which It is
never superfluous or inopportune to Insist
upon, and that is the state of health of
tho Alpine climber. In fact, some 12
years ago a congress of Swiss medical
men. convened at Arosa, Issued, after full
discussion, a unanimous recommendation
that professional assistance should be
available at t he stations hot li of depart
ure and arrival of even the funicular
mountain railways to save the traveler
from the. danger of being 'ballooned up'
to an altitude of several thousand feet
with what 91r William Hull used to call
'a tired heart. and also in ease of sud
den cardiai; failure at the terminus to
render all assistance possible. In truth
many cases of so-called 'misad
venture are simply cases of instantane
ous arrest of the heart's action on the
brink of a crevasse or other danger poin
This was exemplified in the tragic fate
of Baron Peccoz. an enthusiastic Belgian
"peak-stormer," who, some 12 years ago.
In the presence of Queen Marghrita
(now the Dowager), dropped down dead
when "negotiating one of those critical
'hazards on the Ly?kamm. There was
no misplaced footing or less of balance
due to a faise step, but the sudden fail
ure of a heart known to be atheromatous
and exhausted by many hours' exertion.
A Factory (Jirl Bins.
W. P. Eaton in Everybody's.
Yon wake mc with your shrill soprano.
Sine-eyed Yiddish maid.
Sinking as you hem a coat sleeve
Or turn a strip of braid;
I lie In bed and curse your tumult
That spoiled my morning rest.
And wonder who on earth concocted
That eariy-rislns Jest;
He may gt up what Hme It please him
For that, and so may you
But by what right do you compel ms
To loe my bet sleep, too 7
Confound you. It s a heaMly outrage. . , .
But what Is that you Ing
A quwr, outlandish, Slavic folk-song,
A plaintive, minor thing?
Perhaps they sang It tn the steerage
To soothe your eyelids do-w n.
Perhaps for you tt means the homeland
Afar from these drab walls,
Where woodlands spread, and on th
grasses
At nlffht the sweet dew falls;
My fellow in the prison city.
I rise to face the day. .
And humbly end my prayer for pardun
Acrotia the area-way.