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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (March 22, 1908)
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, MARCH MX, liH)S. 9 j--OneJsi-thejBoss ofTammany; The Other .. 1 2:0, 'fs "--.y Jbt if r'l 1 bosses, one in New York and one in Oregon. Between them there is a wofr.-' --fTi'"""" 1 mm. ,. TSIlllSr i V i I;t strong resemblance. The one is Charles F. Murphy, boss of Tammany; ' "iZ. ' im v 7", "-5i) I ft fir the other, Sam Van Vactor, Democratic state committeeman from Mur- pictures that "Hep" Blaekman drew of two Democratic' bosses, one in New York and one in Oregon. Between them there is a strong resemblance. The one is Charles F. Murphy, boss of Tammany; the other, Sam Van Vactor, Democratic state committeeman from Mor row County and chairman of the Democratic County Committee. In sending these pictures, Cartoonist Blaekman apologizes to his former fellow-townsman for putting him into such bad company, but the temptation to draw two men so nearly alike in appearance was irresistible. CLERK N FRMIN HABITS BY IRVING 5. CBB '1IV In heaven's name do they do it?" mused the Hotel Clerk s ne gazed with 11 mournful eye" on two souvenir postal cards that had come to him in the morning's mail. "Why, I ask you, Larry, should an unknown and doubt lessly unpleasant party sifcnlng him self Kill, expend the sum of one cent in United Slates currency in order to convey to niy attention an inspiring view of the new iron bridge over Mink Creek near J'okevllle, Iowa, accom panied by this kind message, 'Having a fcwrl! time here wish you were with us." Well. I'll say tnis much for Mys terious William he a alone in his wish. It's because our fair country is so thickly studded with Pokevilles that Chicago is growing and New York is congested. "And here's one that's been sent all the way from Goober City, Ark., by somebody who evidently answers to the Initials "P. J. V.' Probably he's chosen this delicate and timely method of in forming me that all is well with Goob er City at this writing. I have no doubt that Goober City is one of those delightful Southwestern' points that's bmugKlcd down behind a couple of way-billed freight cars and making a desperate effort - to keep two cypress swamps from merging together and becoming as one. I have no doubt that it has all the appurtenances and hereditlments that are customarily found In such a center of civilization, including tlie Drummer's Home, Best Two-rollar Hotel lr the State. J. Grimes proprietor, with large sample rooms, a pair of cast-iron dogs pur suing a. porcelain rabbit across the lawn of tlie wealthiest resident: a Pythian Hall with a tin cornice weigh ing two Ions; a railroad station that enjoys the unqualified support of the best citlsens irt train time; a large col ored population and a smallpox scare twice a year. I've no doubt that Goob er City has its hopes and fears, its nmbition.. its bank panics and Its de faulting cashiers. Just as all the other nutropollis of the great and teaming elsewhere do. 1 feel morally certain that (ioohcr City has a local option election coming on this Spring with feelings intense on both sides, and a i evival meeting passing off with feel ings similar. In due season, I am rea sonably sure that she will have an ice cream festival and kurmiss, with Chi nese lanterns, on the vacant lot ad joining the Kirst Baptist Church under the auspices of the Ladies' Aid, and that the beauty and chivalry of Goober City will assemble to eat lemon sherbet with tent caterpillars in It and cocoa nut layer cake having quite a number of those spry red nnts between the laers. 1 tnink I am warranted in the assertion that before midsummer has come there will be talk of organising a string band and that glorious Autumn will find the Goober City team holding secona place in the Calloway County TWisehalt league. All this I am willing lo concede, Fut what excuse does that afford for this P. J. W. person to believe he ' can brighten my duller hours and make life the better and brighter by In flicting ipon nic a highly exciting and graphic representation in colors of a square brick structure of the Arkansaw Gothic School having emblazoned across its front portico in large stone letters, Carnegie Library, presented to Goober Ity by Andrew Carnegie, Esquire, in the year A. C, KMT " "Mebbe it's Just somo friend of yours wautin' to be remembered,'' suggested the House Detective. 'He's lot a swell cliancc." said the W Is&CTIQZ C2V, TZ7TJI EEZZ22V&5 J7r2Z2VS& SZZlS'S 25ALL0T TWjOKE? sozrrJt Hotel Clerk. "Larry, I don't know whether it's been brought to your at tention or not, but the souvenir postal card habit has become the deadliest of our National vices. All classes have fallen into its hideous embraces, with the exception of the overworked lads in the distribution department down at the general postoffice, and a few others, notably me, who still retain their sanity despite the contaminating influences about them. 1 look to see the day when every properly appointed lunatic asylum will have a strong and well guarded ward set aside for those suffering from souv enir postal-cardoniania. The misguided party who thinks he can give you a pleasant evening, from 8:16 to 11. by showing you a large album full of bum photographs that he took with a 4 cam era, but not worth the money, during his vacation last Summer at Sudden Palls, N. Y., is an unripe leek and needs to have ventilating grates let into his at tic; but there's one worse than he Is. I refer to the total loss who's got the walls of the box stall which he calls his den heavily upholstered with souvenir post cards from all the towns in the United States where trains stop on sig nal only, and wants to take you in and tell you about them." "I guess you're mighty near right," said the House Detective. "I've got a young friend, named O'Malley, who's got the disease in an advanced form. Not con tent with savin', 'em, he spends most of his time a-sendin' of 'em. . Once he was a care-free, blithesome kind of chap, but now, by Gumms, if you meet up with him in a caffy and ask him wot he's goin' to have, the chances is he'll say he'll take a couple of them classy po&tals of the Platiron building with the frostin' on 'em and bevel edges." "Judging from what you say I should state that your friend is probably in the hopeless class and his family will do well to be measuring him for a padded cell before he becomes violent," said the Hotel Clerk. "Habit's a fearful thing when you let it get a hold on you. I don't care whether it's the souvenir post card habit, or the drink habit, or the no-drink habit, or the habit of studying the oil-painting behind the bar when It comes your time to buy, or any other habit, good, bad or Indifferent that you've a mind to think of. A habit starts on you slow like a wart, but It gains ground on you fast like a wen. The first thing you know you have to be operated on for the removal of a full-faced habit the size of a Georgia watermelon, which but a few months before, might have passed for a tiny and comparatively un important freckle. "No.w. there was the William .Jennings Bryan habit, formerly so common in the South, where Mr. Bryan visits, and not so common in the West, where Mr. Bryan, lives. Tou and I can both re member the day when Southern Demo crats swore by Mr. Bryan; lately some of them have been known to engage in the heresy of swearing at him. Only a few weeks ago, Mr. Bryan paused In his congenial task of proving to his own satisfaction that all the New Tork news papers are owned and edited by a very unpleasant variety of spreading adder, and went down into Kentucky to give the Kentucky legislators tne proper steer. It was in every way an eminently proper and fitting thing for him to do because he resided only about POO miles away and knew at least two of them by sight. "Kentucky was having one of those small political disputes which has made the undertaking profession one of the most lucrative and attractive In that proud old commonwealth. There's two sides to every question In Kentucky, Larry; only one of them la homicide. Th Legislature was almost evenly divided, although threatening 'to. 'come together. It even looked as if Kentucky, which is normally Democratic by 40,000, except on election day, might send one of the ac cursed brood of Republicans to the United States Senate. Something must be done to avert the peril. " 'Twas at this Juncture that Mr. Bryan stepped into the breach. ' He . assembled the hostile Democratic members and told them in plain words that he expected them to promptly elect a young gentle man named Beckham, whose principal qualifications for the job were that he could weav a frock coat with a grace rarely equalled and never excelled, even In a community of statesmen, and that he belonged to a proud old family that had always held office. They listened to him with deep respect and then they turned right in and elected a party who's been Republican ever since the good old days when a man casting a Re publican ballot in Kentucky did it with a revolver in one hand and a railway ticket to the state line in the other. "From this distance, it looks, Larry, as if the Kentucky Democrats were getting cured of the Bryan habit. The same may be said of the Republicans in the State of Ohio, only 'tis the Fora ker habit that the Ohio bunch Is get ting cured of. At one time Senator Foraker. known as the Human Fire Alarm, but since extinguished, was believed to carry Ohio around in his vest pocket. But he got careless and somebody picked his pocket. Only he didn't know it, you see. He thought It was still there. And so he stated that his esteemed but loathsome fellow citisen. Big Bill Taftv should never carry the state for President. They argued with him, but he announced that from the stand he had assumed he would not abate one jot nor tittle. "What happened is now history, Lar ry. In the course of a few days Sena tor Foraker abated several of his jots, and the day after the state convention met he woke up without a tittle to his back. So now Messrs. Bryan and For aker have something In common, al though still in politics as fas apart' as the polls, as the poet says. ' They come under the head of ex-habits." "You wuz speakin' just now of jots and tittles," said the House Detective. "Wot is a jot and tittle?" "Larry," said the Hotel Clerk, after a perceptible pause, "if I tell you, you won't let on to a soul?" "No," promised the House Detective. "Well, then," said the Hotel Clerk, slowly, "I'll tell you this much and no more. One large jot Is as big as two small tittles." . The People of Portugal THE people of Portugal are the most peculiar on the face of the earth. The general impression is that they are similar to the Spaniards, when, as a matter 6t fact, they are as widely dif ferent in their ideas of life and tneir mannerisms as the poles. The Spaniards are gay and joyous, love bright colors, are quick to anger and will murder you without a moment's hesitation. The Portuguese are just the opposite. . The whole country gives one the impression of suppression. There are practically no amusements as we view amusements. There seems to be an undercurrent of sadness in the life of the Portuguese people tiue to their dwindling influence in the world. They have fallen from one of the most powerful nations on the globe to the most insignificant, and tffey are very bitter against the Spaniards, both because of their joyous and frivol ous natures and because ot the constant fear that the Spaniards will attempt to crush them out entirely. The Portuguese are great imitators of English customs and English dress. As you walk along the streets of Lisbon you almost feel that you are in an English city, though the mode of living is en tirely different. There is no such thing as sanitation in Portugal ; they do not know what it is. The condition is much as it was in France in the Twelfth and Thirteenth Centuries, and yet the people are highly intellectual. They are great readers and great writers. I presume nine out of ten business men are literary, have written one or more books, i.ave written poetry or have made a special study of certain kinds of literature. The women have so little to do that they devote their lives to tea drinking. It is the greatest tea-drinking country in the world. It is all tea. In Germany the people have their beer, and In Spain they drink wine, but in Portugal it is tea. In going into Portugal from Mad rid to Lisbon, as we made the last slot in Spain, everyone rushed out to get a drink of wine. But as we made the flrsi stop in Portugal it was very funny to see everyone rushing out to get a drink of tea. It is a fact that during the eight months I was in Portugal I never saw a drunken man, but they certainly da drink tea. The women are the most ex cessive tea . drinkers you can imagine. Go into a house in the afternoon and you will find a dozen of thorn flopped down on the floor, all drinking tea, made s strong that it would keep me awake foi 24 hours, but these women drink any where from a dozen to 20 cups of it. They are fairly steeped in it. In this connectipn 1 must say that the women are not generally attractive, for they ar old at 30, and become enormously fleshy. I presume it is due to this excessive tea drinking. The country is one of the most remark able in the world, and one of the most interesting, while very little is known about it or its people, for there is not a great deal of travel there, though I be lieve a line of steamers has been put on between New York and Lisbon. The people live in the past, in the period ot the country's greatness, and the fad that their power is gone is constantly present with them and oppressing them. The country is beautiful, and the pe culiar disposition of the people toward the past power of the country is shown in the fact that one of the great things that impresses you as you travel from one end of the country to the other is the remarkable number of monuments, statues and the like. Why. you scarcely find a little clump of houses where tfiere may be a couple of hundred people but you will find beautiful monuments and statues erected in honor of some of the heroes of the country when it was the great power of the earth. Its valleys are fertile, and Its hilly country Is rugged and beautiful. From an interview in the Baltimore American with Professor A. M. Elliott, Johns Hopkins I'niversity. German Students More Temperate Baltimore American. "When I was a student at Heidelberg. 25 years ago. the amount of beer thi students consumed was something as tonishing," said Mr. J. N. Osborne, of St Louis. "In fact, many of tliem drank to excess, and the fellow who could put away th biggest quantity was a sort of hero. ".Vow all that has changed, as my son who is studying at Heidelberg, writes me. He says that while a good many of the students still use beer, a goodly numbei are teetotalers, and that the wholesale swilling of the old days has gone. J think that everybody will be, glad thar sobriety has taken the place of intemper ance among the young men at one of the foremost seats of learning in the world.' A Tragedy of Commerce. Chicago Record-Herald. Throughout the whole establishment th rumor quickly spread That Lome, the gay cashier, was short and secretly had fled; Miss fitout, our slim stenographer, waa over come with grief. While Mr. Tounfc, the oldest clerk, said It was past belief; The missing man's assistant, Wright, still put his faith in I-ng. But when the books were brought to light we found that Wright was wrong. When Portrr. the proud president, arrived upon the scene. He said to King, the porter: 'What may all this trouble mean ?' Old Black, the head bookkeeper who wai looking- very white. Produced the ledger and explained why Long had taken flight, hile Mr White, the colored man who swept and scrubbed the place. Stood Hfctening without a touch of pallor on bis face. Young Smith, the secretary, looked at old man Kldd and sighed. While Carpenter, the - manager, seemed robbed of atl his pride; Meek Lord, the elevator man, appeared be reft of joy. And Loud, the silent partner, wept with Olds, the office boy. As Bishop, the head salesman,, clenched his fists and stamped bis feet And uttered some profane remarks that X shall not repeat.
