THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, MARCH MX, liH)S.
9
j--OneJsi-thejBoss ofTammany; The Other ..
1 2:0, 'fs "--.y Jbt if r'l 1 bosses, one in New York and one in Oregon. Between them there is a wofr.-'
--fTi'"""" 1 mm. ,. TSIlllSr i V i I;t strong resemblance. The one is Charles F. Murphy, boss of Tammany; '
"iZ. ' im v 7", "-5i) I ft fir the other, Sam Van Vactor, Democratic state committeeman from Mur-
pictures that "Hep" Blaekman drew of two Democratic'
bosses, one in New York and one in Oregon. Between them there is a
strong resemblance. The one is Charles F. Murphy, boss of Tammany;
the other, Sam Van Vactor, Democratic state committeeman from Mor
row County and chairman of the Democratic County Committee.
In sending these pictures, Cartoonist Blaekman apologizes to his
former fellow-townsman for putting him into such bad company, but the
temptation to draw two men so nearly alike in appearance was irresistible.
CLERK N FRMIN
HABITS
BY IRVING 5. CBB
'1IV In heaven's name do they
do it?" mused the Hotel
Clerk s ne gazed with
11 mournful eye" on two souvenir postal
cards that had come to him in the
morning's mail. "Why, I ask you,
Larry, should an unknown and doubt
lessly unpleasant party sifcnlng him
self Kill, expend the sum of one cent
in United Slates currency in order to
convey to niy attention an inspiring
view of the new iron bridge over Mink
Creek near J'okevllle, Iowa, accom
panied by this kind message, 'Having a
fcwrl! time here wish you were with
us." Well. I'll say tnis much for Mys
terious William he a alone in his
wish. It's because our fair country is
so thickly studded with Pokevilles
that Chicago is growing and New York
is congested.
"And here's one that's been sent all
the way from Goober City, Ark., by
somebody who evidently answers to the
Initials "P. J. V.' Probably he's chosen
this delicate and timely method of in
forming me that all is well with Goob
er City at this writing. I have no
doubt that Goober City is one of those
delightful Southwestern' points that's
bmugKlcd down behind a couple of
way-billed freight cars and making a
desperate effort - to keep two cypress
swamps from merging together and
becoming as one. I have no doubt
that it has all the appurtenances and
hereditlments that are customarily
found In such a center of civilization,
including tlie Drummer's Home, Best
Two-rollar Hotel lr the State. J.
Grimes proprietor, with large sample
rooms, a pair of cast-iron dogs pur
suing a. porcelain rabbit across the
lawn of tlie wealthiest resident: a
Pythian Hall with a tin cornice weigh
ing two Ions; a railroad station that
enjoys the unqualified support of the
best citlsens irt train time; a large col
ored population and a smallpox scare
twice a year. I've no doubt that Goob
er City has its hopes and fears, its
nmbition.. its bank panics and Its de
faulting cashiers. Just as all the other
nutropollis of the great and teaming
elsewhere do. 1 feel morally certain
that (ioohcr City has a local option
election coming on this Spring with
feelings intense on both sides, and a
i evival meeting passing off with feel
ings similar. In due season, I am rea
sonably sure that she will have an ice
cream festival and kurmiss, with Chi
nese lanterns, on the vacant lot ad
joining the Kirst Baptist Church under
the auspices of the Ladies' Aid, and
that the beauty and chivalry of Goober
City will assemble to eat lemon sherbet
with tent caterpillars in It and cocoa
nut layer cake having quite a number
of those spry red nnts between the
laers. 1 tnink I am warranted in the
assertion that before midsummer has
come there will be talk of organising a
string band and that glorious Autumn
will find the Goober City team holding
secona place in the Calloway County
TWisehalt league. All this I am willing
lo concede, Fut what excuse does that
afford for this P. J. W. person to believe
he ' can brighten my duller hours and
make life the better and brighter by In
flicting ipon nic a highly exciting and
graphic representation in colors of a
square brick structure of the Arkansaw
Gothic School having emblazoned across
its front portico in large stone letters,
Carnegie Library, presented to Goober
Ity by Andrew Carnegie, Esquire, in
the year A. C, KMT "
"Mebbe it's Just somo friend of yours
wautin' to be remembered,'' suggested
the House Detective.
'He's lot a swell cliancc." said the
W Is&CTIQZ C2V, TZ7TJI EEZZ22V&5 J7r2Z2VS& SZZlS'S
25ALL0T TWjOKE? sozrrJt
Hotel Clerk. "Larry, I don't know
whether it's been brought to your at
tention or not, but the souvenir postal
card habit has become the deadliest of
our National vices. All classes have
fallen into its hideous embraces, with
the exception of the overworked lads in
the distribution department down at the
general postoffice, and a few others,
notably me, who still retain their sanity
despite the contaminating influences
about them. 1 look to see the day when
every properly appointed lunatic asylum
will have a strong and well guarded ward
set aside for those suffering from souv
enir postal-cardoniania. The misguided
party who thinks he can give you a
pleasant evening, from 8:16 to 11. by
showing you a large album full of bum
photographs that he took with a 4 cam
era, but not worth the money, during his
vacation last Summer at Sudden Palls,
N. Y., is an unripe leek and needs to
have ventilating grates let into his at
tic; but there's one worse than he Is.
I refer to the total loss who's got the
walls of the box stall which he calls
his den heavily upholstered with souvenir
post cards from all the towns in the
United States where trains stop on sig
nal only, and wants to take you in and
tell you about them."
"I guess you're mighty near right," said
the House Detective. "I've got a young
friend, named O'Malley, who's got the
disease in an advanced form. Not con
tent with savin', 'em, he spends most of
his time a-sendin' of 'em. . Once he was
a care-free, blithesome kind of chap, but
now, by Gumms, if you meet up with
him in a caffy and ask him wot he's
goin' to have, the chances is he'll say
he'll take a couple of them classy po&tals
of the Platiron building with the frostin'
on 'em and bevel edges."
"Judging from what you say I should
state that your friend is probably in
the hopeless class and his family will
do well to be measuring him for a padded
cell before he becomes violent," said the
Hotel Clerk. "Habit's a fearful thing
when you let it get a hold on you. I
don't care whether it's the souvenir post
card habit, or the drink habit, or the
no-drink habit, or the habit of studying
the oil-painting behind the bar when It
comes your time to buy, or any other
habit, good, bad or Indifferent that you've
a mind to think of. A habit starts on
you slow like a wart, but It gains ground
on you fast like a wen. The first thing
you know you have to be operated on
for the removal of a full-faced habit
the size of a Georgia watermelon, which
but a few months before, might have
passed for a tiny and comparatively un
important freckle.
"No.w. there was the William .Jennings
Bryan habit, formerly so common in the
South, where Mr. Bryan visits, and not
so common in the West, where Mr.
Bryan, lives. Tou and I can both re
member the day when Southern Demo
crats swore by Mr. Bryan; lately some
of them have been known to engage in
the heresy of swearing at him. Only a
few weeks ago, Mr. Bryan paused In his
congenial task of proving to his own
satisfaction that all the New Tork news
papers are owned and edited by a very
unpleasant variety of spreading adder,
and went down into Kentucky to give
the Kentucky legislators tne proper steer.
It was in every way an eminently proper
and fitting thing for him to do because
he resided only about POO miles away and
knew at least two of them by sight.
"Kentucky was having one of those
small political disputes which has made
the undertaking profession one of the
most lucrative and attractive In that
proud old commonwealth. There's two
sides to every question In Kentucky,
Larry; only one of them la homicide. Th
Legislature was almost evenly divided,
although threatening 'to. 'come together.
It even looked as if Kentucky, which is
normally Democratic by 40,000, except on
election day, might send one of the ac
cursed brood of Republicans to the
United States Senate. Something must
be done to avert the peril.
" 'Twas at this Juncture that Mr. Bryan
stepped into the breach. ' He . assembled
the hostile Democratic members and told
them in plain words that he expected
them to promptly elect a young gentle
man named Beckham, whose principal
qualifications for the job were that he
could weav a frock coat with a grace
rarely equalled and never excelled, even
In a community of statesmen, and that
he belonged to a proud old family that
had always held office. They listened
to him with deep respect and then they
turned right in and elected a party
who's been Republican ever since the
good old days when a man casting a Re
publican ballot in Kentucky did it with
a revolver in one hand and a railway
ticket to the state line in the other.
"From this distance, it looks, Larry,
as if the Kentucky Democrats were
getting cured of the Bryan habit. The
same may be said of the Republicans
in the State of Ohio, only 'tis the Fora
ker habit that the Ohio bunch Is get
ting cured of. At one time Senator
Foraker. known as the Human Fire
Alarm, but since extinguished, was
believed to carry Ohio around in his
vest pocket. But he got careless and
somebody picked his pocket. Only he
didn't know it, you see. He thought
It was still there. And so he stated
that his esteemed but loathsome fellow
citisen. Big Bill Taftv should never
carry the state for President. They
argued with him, but he announced
that from the stand he had assumed
he would not abate one jot nor tittle.
"What happened is now history, Lar
ry. In the course of a few days Sena
tor Foraker abated several of his jots,
and the day after the state convention
met he woke up without a tittle to his
back. So now Messrs. Bryan and For
aker have something In common, al
though still in politics as fas apart' as
the polls, as the poet says. ' They
come under the head of ex-habits."
"You wuz speakin' just now of jots
and tittles," said the House Detective.
"Wot is a jot and tittle?"
"Larry," said the Hotel Clerk, after a
perceptible pause, "if I tell you, you
won't let on to a soul?"
"No," promised the House Detective.
"Well, then," said the Hotel Clerk,
slowly, "I'll tell you this much and no
more. One large jot Is as big as two
small tittles." .
The People of Portugal
THE people of Portugal are the most
peculiar on the face of the earth.
The general impression is that they are
similar to the Spaniards, when, as a
matter 6t fact, they are as widely dif
ferent in their ideas of life and tneir
mannerisms as the poles. The Spaniards
are gay and joyous, love bright colors,
are quick to anger and will murder you
without a moment's hesitation. The
Portuguese are just the opposite. . The
whole country gives one the impression
of suppression. There are practically no
amusements as we view amusements.
There seems to be an undercurrent of
sadness in the life of the Portuguese
people tiue to their dwindling influence
in the world. They have fallen from
one of the most powerful nations on the
globe to the most insignificant, and tffey
are very bitter against the Spaniards,
both because of their joyous and frivol
ous natures and because ot the constant
fear that the Spaniards will attempt to
crush them out entirely.
The Portuguese are great imitators of
English customs and English dress. As
you walk along the streets of Lisbon you
almost feel that you are in an English
city, though the mode of living is en
tirely different. There is no such thing
as sanitation in Portugal ; they do not
know what it is. The condition is much
as it was in France in the Twelfth and
Thirteenth Centuries, and yet the people
are highly intellectual. They are great
readers and great writers. I presume
nine out of ten business men are literary,
have written one or more books, i.ave
written poetry or have made a special
study of certain kinds of literature.
The women have so little to do that
they devote their lives to tea drinking.
It is the greatest tea-drinking country
in the world. It is all tea. In Germany
the people have their beer, and In Spain
they drink wine, but in Portugal it is
tea. In going into Portugal from Mad
rid to Lisbon, as we made the last slot
in Spain, everyone rushed out to get a
drink of wine. But as we made the flrsi
stop in Portugal it was very funny to
see everyone rushing out to get a drink
of tea. It is a fact that during the eight
months I was in Portugal I never saw
a drunken man, but they certainly da
drink tea. The women are the most ex
cessive tea . drinkers you can imagine.
Go into a house in the afternoon and you
will find a dozen of thorn flopped down
on the floor, all drinking tea, made s
strong that it would keep me awake foi
24 hours, but these women drink any
where from a dozen to 20 cups of it.
They are fairly steeped in it. In this
connectipn 1 must say that the women
are not generally attractive, for they ar
old at 30, and become enormously fleshy.
I presume it is due to this excessive tea
drinking.
The country is one of the most remark
able in the world, and one of the most
interesting, while very little is known
about it or its people, for there is not a
great deal of travel there, though I be
lieve a line of steamers has been put on
between New York and Lisbon. The
people live in the past, in the period ot
the country's greatness, and the fad
that their power is gone is constantly
present with them and oppressing them.
The country is beautiful, and the pe
culiar disposition of the people toward
the past power of the country is shown
in the fact that one of the great things
that impresses you as you travel from
one end of the country to the other
is the remarkable number of monuments,
statues and the like. Why. you scarcely
find a little clump of houses where tfiere
may be a couple of hundred people but
you will find beautiful monuments and
statues erected in honor of some of the
heroes of the country when it was the
great power of the earth. Its valleys are
fertile, and Its hilly country Is rugged
and beautiful. From an interview in the
Baltimore American with Professor A.
M. Elliott, Johns Hopkins I'niversity.
German Students More Temperate
Baltimore American.
"When I was a student at Heidelberg.
25 years ago. the amount of beer thi
students consumed was something as
tonishing," said Mr. J. N. Osborne, of St
Louis.
"In fact, many of tliem drank to excess,
and the fellow who could put away th
biggest quantity was a sort of hero.
".Vow all that has changed, as my son
who is studying at Heidelberg, writes me.
He says that while a good many of the
students still use beer, a goodly numbei
are teetotalers, and that the wholesale
swilling of the old days has gone. J
think that everybody will be, glad thar
sobriety has taken the place of intemper
ance among the young men at one of the
foremost seats of learning in the world.'
A Tragedy of Commerce.
Chicago Record-Herald.
Throughout the whole establishment th
rumor quickly spread
That Lome, the gay cashier, was short and
secretly had fled;
Miss fitout, our slim stenographer, waa over
come with grief.
While Mr. Tounfc, the oldest clerk, said It
was past belief;
The missing man's assistant, Wright, still
put his faith in I-ng.
But when the books were brought to light
we found that Wright was wrong.
When Portrr. the proud president, arrived
upon the scene.
He said to King, the porter: 'What may
all this trouble mean ?'
Old Black, the head bookkeeper who wai
looking- very white.
Produced the ledger and explained why
Long had taken flight,
hile Mr White, the colored man who
swept and scrubbed the place.
Stood Hfctening without a touch of pallor on
bis face.
Young Smith, the secretary, looked at old
man Kldd and sighed.
While Carpenter, the - manager, seemed
robbed of atl his pride;
Meek Lord, the elevator man, appeared be
reft of joy.
And Loud, the silent partner, wept with
Olds, the office boy.
As Bishop, the head salesman,, clenched his
fists and stamped bis feet
And uttered some profane remarks that X
shall not repeat.